Ep. 119 - Why We Lose Motivation And How To Reset

Feeling “off” doesn’t mean you’ve lost it—it usually means your mind and body are asking for alignment. We dig into why motivation stalls even when your goals matter, and how to rebuild momentum with simple resets, small starts, and routines that respect real life. From naming the lies we tell ourselves—too tired, too late, why bother—to designing plans that fit your identity, we share practical tools that make progress feel possible again.

We unpack the role of fatigue with nuance: when to push, when to pause, and how to tell recovery from avoidance. You’ll hear why a crisp vision gives you energy, how chunking tasks lowers resistance, and why a two-minute start can flip your brain from dread to doing. We get personal about flexible work rhythms, the guilt of not being “on” during peak hours, and the relief of averaging effort across the week. Movement shows up as a power tool—morning workouts, short walks, standing desks, and micro strength sessions—all proven ways to clear the fog and sharpen focus for the work that matters.

Community becomes the quiet advantage. Accountability partners, like-minded groups, and even a quick check-in can raise your floor on hard days and extend your ceiling when momentum surges. We also talk aging and adaptation: adjusting training without surrendering identity, finding joy in sustainable habits, and keeping your edge through cycles of life. The throughline is simple: accept, reset, act, repeat. When you align your goals with who you are and respect your energy cycles, your mojo doesn’t just return—it compounds.

If this resonated, tap follow, share it with a friend who needs a reset, and leave a quick review to help more people find the show. What tiny start will you take today?

Transcript

Welcome And Setting The Stage

SPEAKER_01 0:09

Hello and welcome to Clean Your Fucking House, bitch, with Nancy, Kevin, and Lou. In our program, we get real about the challenges of life and living. Your mind is the most powerful tool you have to ensure you are on your desired path for success and satisfaction. Yet, from the day you are born, you gradually and subconsciously fill it with tons of useless shit that gets in your way. Why is that? How can you clean that mess up? We'll show you how. Get ready to clean your fucking house.

What Kills Motivation

SPEAKER_02 0:53

Hi everybody. Excuse me. What a way to start. Um we we um are just exploring and considering what are these things that get in the way? Because even for ourselves, we find that we make a plan and then we get to the thing that we committed to do. And sometimes it's hard to do. So what gets in the way? And I can hear either things I've told myself or things I've heard people say, right? Oh, it's too cold out. It's I don't feel like it, I don't feel good, it won't make a difference anyway. Like, what the F? Why bother? Um, what gets in the way for either of you that keeps you from like doing what you committed to yourself?

Vision, Plans, And Misalignment

SPEAKER_01 1:41

And one of the words Nancy used, by the way, to our wonderful listeners, hello everyone, is the word mojo. I love that word mojo. And it it's I don't it's not like onomonopoeia where it sounds like what it is, you know, buzz is onomonopoeia, but it does bring to me the vision of motivation and what gets you going and chugging along, cranking out your goals, etc. And so why do sometimes we lose our mojo?

SPEAKER_02 2:15

I love that, but what you're just saying right there is maybe we l we myself, anyone lost their vision of what they want to be doing. And so because to your point, if you have a vision, you have good mojo and you have a desire to do the thing or something. If you don't have a vision, you're just maybe stuck.

SPEAKER_01 2:39

Do you think you also need a reward to go along with that vision?

SPEAKER_02 2:43

I think the vision can be the reward, right? Like the vision can be the thing that you want to experience or feel or do or a place you want to get to. That's the reward. And then if you have that vision, then you can figure out what the next step towards it is. Without a vision or a plan, we talk about that all the time. If you don't have a plan, you probably won't do a thing.

SPEAKER_01 3:04

Mm-hmm. Fail to plan, plan to fail.

Fatigue Versus Excuses

SPEAKER_00 3:09

So once you have a vision and you have a plan, and let's say you break it down into action like actionable steps, what gets in the way of now? Let's say that you're smart, like knowledgeable enough to know how to break down a goal into more accomplishable steps. So even if you're making it, you know, not super easy to where it's boring, but easier to accomplish, what gets in the way? And like the number one thing that came to mind for me was fatigue. So I think throughout the day, like this is how I perceive my life. Throughout the day, there are different tasks that I will go to accomplish. Some chosen, some like not chosen on a smaller scale, but more larger scale, right? And some things provide me energy and uplift me. And so when I'm going through the process, I'm more energized. Afterwards, I feel more energized, I feel good about it. Some of those tasks are just so draining. And those are the things I think that get that kind of stump my momentum. Is though like even accomplishing it, like feeling good about the outcome, it's still like sometimes I'm mentally and emotionally drained to where I just want to kind of chill out for the rest of the day and go to bed. And I look forward to waking up refreshed.

SPEAKER_02 4:48

I think that's a voice to listen to. I think that's that's really valid, but I I feel like it's hard for should get in the way there, right? Because then it's hard for us to accept that as the right action. And in one's head, it could be, well, I should have done this and I need to do this, but I don't feel like it. And and being able to to weigh those out and know what the real direction is. If you're fatigued, shit, yeah, you need to give yourself space to re-energize.

SPEAKER_00 5:18

Yeah, but that's the real challenge in itself, right? Because we can get into this consistent mindset of, well, I'm tired, I'll do it tomorrow. You know, and and I think there I guess as I'm thinking this through, one of the differences is like not seeking comfort necessarily, but listening to when it's a little bit deeper than just comfort seeking. You know, it's like I am actually really fucking drained. I push myself to the limit, I need to chill. I don't know. I guess I could see that being like a a slippery slope to excuses and blame and then not accomplishing something, you know.

Resetting Cycles And Self Grace

SPEAKER_02 6:02

I guess I'll share though. Sorry, Lou, I was watching the TV show last night, a ridiculous show last, so I won't name it. But the thing is, they the this organization was pushing these people beyond their physical capacity, and they do a really physical um job. And so they were exhausted, drained, um, lagging, if you will. And their boss was like, You still have to go, we have to do it. And this guy passes out. And the example the gal gave was when you have a work horse, if you work that horse, it's easier for us to give it to an animal than to ourselves. When you work that horse, they say, I can't do anymore. I'm gonna stop. You can't make a horse do when they're exhausted. They stop and you're done, or they're not thirsty, the horse to water, they're not gonna drink it, right? And so accepting it for ourselves too. So it was a weird, dumb analogy and a ridiculous show, but the analogy was Um it it's something we should acknowledge and accept, and that if there is a level of exhaustion, we shouldn't force ourselves to cross it because something's gonna break.

SPEAKER_01 7:13

Well, most shows these days are ridiculous, but that issue aside, um, especially the reality shows, my lord. Anyway, uh at first I thought maybe you were speaking about mental fatigue, which often leads to physical fatigue anyway, but it either fatigue is just not good. And certainly I have experienced the mental fatigue uh route that then leads to uh yeah, feeling drained physically. And I recall learning some years ago through my professional development in this space. It involved a subtopic, I guess, of goals. You talked earlier, goal setting, planning, chunking up, all that. One of the things that I thought was really insightful as I was learning about this is the concept that alignment with goals, and the further away you aligned from more the greater that misalignment, the greater that discomfort and mental fatigue, and anything associated with, I guess, from a negative nature, if you will. And it you know, often in in my own world leads back to am I doing in life what I want to do? Am I moving in the direction I want to move? Am I the person I always wanted to be? And so forth. And easy to sometimes make excuses about that. Well, at this point in my life, who the you know, I'm done. But I always reset, say, no, fuck that shit. You can do anything you want at any time in life. And it's all about how close those the goals I have are aligned with who I am and where I want to go. But I always thought that was interesting. Like the greater that misalignment, the greater the stress, the greater the discomfort. It's almost like a a a uh a type like a machine or a thing that the the more you're being pulled, the more painful it is.

SPEAKER_00 9:19

It's interesting because a lot of the conversations I have with Chat GPT always go into the direction of alignment. Wow. Interesting.

SPEAKER_02 9:30

Also, what Lou said is so important. Sorry, give back to you, Kev, but reset.

Flexible Work Rhythms And Guilt

SPEAKER_00 9:37

Yeah, that was the second thing that I wanted to comment on because like what you made me think of, Lou, and I'm like, you know, feeling exhausted this week, right? But something that made me feel a little bit better because Nancy, as you were kind of responding to what I said, I'm like, well, I I don't accept excuses and I push myself really hard, and like if I'm gonna change a big area of my life, like I have to get uncomfortable and I I have to push through sometimes. I can't just be seeking comfort, I have to really give it my all. But then I thought, like, there are cycles that we go through when whatever they are, like I know that there are times when I'm feeling like I can take on the fucking world, and there are times where I'm like, I need a little bit more sleep or I need to get to the gym a little bit more, like I'm not entirely sure what it is, but I'm aligned with it as a fact of my life, and so maybe that's one thing it's like if you are in one of those times, however long, like one of those I don't know, downtrends of the cycle that we go through, maybe that's when you have a little bit more grace with yourself. And maybe when you're when you have the energy and you know that you're clear-minded and all that, you know, you push a little bit harder. There are times where I've I feel like I'm it's connected with something external, something that I don't fully have control over, even you know, even though there are things I can accomplish. Sometimes it's just it's beyond me. I I feel, you know, and I'm not doing anything different. I'm still doing my normal routine that makes me feel good and all that. Like maybe we just uh experienced times in life where we're just not performing optimally or we're not connected or whatever. Who knows what it is? I think that's true.

Starting Small To Build Momentum

SPEAKER_01 11:41

You know, I was gonna share that this may not apply to everyone, but um, certainly it may be much easier to apply to people who work from home, and god forbid my boss is listening. But when I'm in a situation where I actually do feel low productivity or just not into it, not on my game, maybe in the zone, another phrase I love, I actually will chill, relax, take a break, go for a walk. And even though my boss would would say, you know what, do that. That's perfectly fine. He is a wonderful person, an excellent boss. I'm I'm actually really thankful and appreciative of having someone like that in my life with work. But in case he's listening, yeah, in case he's listening, but I will I myself feel guilty because I was raised, I was kind of brought up during a time period when you know you punch the clock nine to five, you're always working, kind of thing. And and we all know this is a different time. We uh we have the ability, we have computers, not that I came from abacus days, but you know, we have uh ability to actually work 24-7, 365. Not that I'm abdicating that. Where I'm really going is I'm off on Tuesday, I will maybe work 14 hours Wednesday because if I can only put in two on Tuesday, I feel guilty, but not guilty where I'm saying I need to do the four, but when my game is back on, I'm like, well, you know what? I'm just gonna keep going. I always kind of average out to what's expected over the week, but if it takes a weekend, sometimes that can happen too. But I'm like, you know what? We're in an environment now where and and we've been in this environment for a while, and I'm sure a lot of psychologists have done these studies where there's just no such thing as a nine to five. You can't be kind of on your game. Sad though, we have people we have to respond to, we're accountable for things we got to do, bosses we have to call, clients we have to call where sometimes you can't afford to kind of be down during those peak hours, if you will. But again, the but times are changing so quickly. It's like every single day there's a new thing, and that new thing even brings stress.

SPEAKER_00 13:54

So, really good point, Lou. And thank you for sharing that. If your boss is listening, Lou always talks very highly of you. When we know we need to do it, even if we're feeling shitty or unenergized, we can do it. We do it, right? So why can't we do it for ourselves?

SPEAKER_02 14:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:18

Again, it doesn't even necessarily need to feel like you're really pulling it together, like you're focusing on another person. Maybe you're helping them or mentoring them or something, and it's so easy to shift even out of that shitty mental, emotional fatigue, yeah, and pull forward your A game for someone else. We think about doing it for ourselves. It's like that's more challenging, right?

Movement, Energy, And Community

SPEAKER_01 14:44

Yeah. I I think all of us are the type of people that we enjoy and get a lot of satisfaction from helping others, and we tend to not do as much for ourselves. I mean, that's the perception I get. We we all seem to be a you know empathetic type of group. But you know, I yeah, I think I talked about the the power of deadlines and how you know when you do have a looming deadline, how all of a sudden that does kind of like snap you into a mode of cranking something out that you need to do, kind of a little bit in line with what you just said. I also noticed that when I'm having those moments where, oh, I just don't want to do that, just don't want to do that, I hate that thing, I hate that whatever. When I've started just getting back or attacking it very slowly, and I've tried this experiment in a few different ways. Like if I try to attack it the normal way I've always done, it just doesn't seem to work. But when I said, you know what, let me just sit here and look at this thing in the screen. Let me maybe type in a few words, let me do a little bit. Then I start to get on a roll, like I get the ball rolling, and then it starts rolling faster, faster, greater, greater. And then I was like, fuck, I'm on a roll, and now I'm really doing the shit. For whatever reason, I just can't uh do the multitasking thing where you flip from one to the other and expect to kind of dive into it with that ball already rolling. It just never happens.

SPEAKER_02 16:01

No, I think you need focus, and you gave yourself time to get into the momentum of it. You let yourself just start slow by looking at what you wanted to be working on or something close to it. I that's awesome. And then it came like, but you put yourself in the space that you needed to be physically, and then the mental followed.

SPEAKER_01 16:24

Now, what's interesting is when I'm working on tasks that I really, really like though. And of course, as you both know, those would be tasks involving numbers and spreadsheets and things like that. But I can dive right in, even if I'm having a shitty day, quite honestly. I can open open up something like that and work on some numbers. And I it it that's almost like a a hundred percent aligned sort of thing that it it doesn't waste my mental energy. It's really the other things that require a little bit more effort.

SPEAKER_00 16:50

I just pictured your bedroom having a comforter on the bed that has a bunch of numbers on it, like we used to have when we were kids, like graphics or something.

SPEAKER_01 16:58

And pie signs and division signs, plus signs.

SPEAKER_00 17:05

I mean, I think that I think that's awesome. And like coming into even this conversation for me, like I wasn't feeling a whole lot different than the other day when we connected when we didn't record. Obviously, I forgot we even scheduled this because I was late. But like then having the conversation, like even talking about the topic that that's something that I'm currently like kind of struggling with because it's been a long week. I haven't been feeling well, work's been fucking insane, like just kind of want to chill. And this is like helping me re-engage with the day, you know, and like I have shit to look forward to, and like you know, my whole perspective has shifted just in these few minutes that we've been chatting with each other. So you know, and if I may share something like that, accountability buddies are are a good way to overcome those two, you know. Connecting with good, like-minded people, I think is something that uh can energize anybody.

SPEAKER_01 18:06

And if I may share, I actually notice it with you visually. You you could tell, or Nancy, I don't know if you noticed, but early you could tell your your expression was just in a place of I'm not up for this shit. I I saw it, and I myself have seen that with me and even felt it. You actually feel like that thing rising up in your body where okay, I think I can get into this. I'm feeling better. It's almost similar to when you go to the gym and you have that that um feeling. I guess it's an adrenaline rush, maybe for lack of a better way to put it, but um it does help.

Aging, Adaptation, And Micro Habits

SPEAKER_02 18:46

I um have needed to spend time um job searching. And so sometimes it's hard to be doing the things that you're supposed to be doing, right? And I've been going through this struggle of wanting to go to these exercise classes, but feeling like I shouldn't, and and eventually going more than less. The other day I went to this exercise class, which starts my day, which I the reason I struggle with that is it takes me away from my focus, so I think. But the other day I did this class, came home, got cleaned up, sat down at the desk, and all of a sudden I realized oh, I have power, I have core strength, I have clarity in my mind, I have posture, and the exercise gave me all of that, which gave me the ability to do what I needed to do at the desk. And so it is a mind game, we all play with ourselves all the time.

SPEAKER_01 19:41

And it's amazing how much the body responds to even a small amount of movement. I, given where I'm at in life, I'm unable to do some of the physical activities that I once did and that I once really enjoyed. Like I used to power lift and things like I wasn't, of course, no Arnold Schwarzenegger, nothing like that. But I got into that and I really got into it heavy, and I would just reach out to other people at the gym who were like that for advice. And I actually connected with this community that got me, it's almost like what we're just talking about. When you're part of a community of like-minded people, you start to kind of you know be like that community. And I was making excellent gains, really good gains. Bottom line is where I'm going with that is uh I I'm just not able to do that now, and it kind of ticks me off. I'm like, fuck, I can't really exercise the way I always once did and once really enjoyed. I do other things now. Of course, I'm reading up on some of the things that are geared toward people my age. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? Like, sit in a chair, raise your lip. No, come on, get the fuck out of here. But as we all, I believe, uh in our careers have a situation where we sit in front of a fucking laptop for most of the day, or in a seat for most of the day, or we're simply sedentary for most of the day. Just and it doesn't even have to be walking, but just a little bit of stretching, a little bit of okay, yeah, that leg kick thing on the chair that that stupid video told me I needed to do at my age. It it does give you that a little bit of that feeling like you shared, Nancy. I'm like, you know, it is kind of um, I'm not gonna bash it so much like I once did. Every little bit hurts.

SPEAKER_00 21:23

I will say at work having a standing desk has been pretty awesome. Like I'll find myself standing all day a lot of days. Or if I'm on the phone, I can kind of like walk around, pace back and forth.

SPEAKER_02 21:38

I have weights and a weighted ball. So sometimes I'll just do squats with the ball.

SPEAKER_01 21:44

Yeah, I I had a standing desk at work uh when I was in an office, don't have it here, but I did like uh the fact that when you have one and you do have a wireless headset for conversation, you can walk around too.

unknown 21:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:00

And you can you can stay fit for longer than I think a lot of us realize. Like we have we have guys in their 60s and 70s at Jiu-Jitsu.

SPEAKER_01 22:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:12

Of course, and 80s. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:14

Yeah.

Morning Routines And Consistency

SPEAKER_02 22:14

You know what? I was at uh at a holiday party for uh um one of these I don't know, methodologies. I always say it's karate, but my partner always corrects me that it's another term. But anyway, with a group of them from their class, and there is this guy, if not in his 90s. Wow, he can't do everything anymore, but he loves to do. And he said, I always was a good kicker, and literally this guy did a kick right there. You're like, dang. So yeah, if you stay active in it, you can still do something.

SPEAKER_01 22:50

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm a fur believer in that. That's a good point, Kevin, too. Is it's just doing it that really matters versus what you can do.

SPEAKER_00 22:59

You see, you just said it's consistent with it. You can stay in relatively good shape, like take care of yourself and all the things that we talk about. You know, everything feeds everything else. Yeah. I do like getting it in like in the morning. Nancy, you mentioned about like going, coming back, and having like I do feel way different when I'm able to get a good exercise in before I start like sitting down at a computer and doing shit. Like it helps just reframe, and it's something that I look forward to that motivates me to go to bed earlier, to get good sleep, to get up real early. Like that's what works for me. I think each of us needs to just find what works for them. You know, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 23:45

I agree. That's the best time for me too. And I used to be an afternoon gym person, but once I became a morning person, I was like, wow, this is really is a different, um, whole different game.

SPEAKER_02 23:55

And and you both just named it. It's just about doing and accepting. So accepting the space of whatever is blocking us at what at whatever point in time we feel blocked from doing work, from doing physical activity, from reaching out to others, but doing a reset and then just taking a step towards that direction again will get us there.

SPEAKER_00 24:17

And what are your thoughts on like, you know, if you if you have a plan for something that you're trying to do, like say you're trying to get up early and go to the gym, and that one's pretty hard because I think in the beginning, like you never really feel like going, like you're just waking up, you know. That one's challenging. But like if you have this plan to do XYZ when you go, like try to just go. And even if you shift to walking or something, like you still went, you still accomplished something, but you listened to yourself maybe and you're feeling kind of bogged down or whatever, but you still got out and did something. Like that's still momentum.

Plan B Mindset And Recovery

SPEAKER_02 24:58

Heck yeah. I you said consistent, and consistency is hard sometimes too. I claim to be consistently inconsistent, but that allows me to be okay when I have a miss, because it's not a miss, it's just a thing, and I'm gonna keep going.

SPEAKER_00 25:16

100%. Yeah. I realized that um like taking a lot of time off. Like for us, even as a good example with the podcast, like last year there was what a few months where we weren't able to connect, everyone's schedules were crazy, or whatever it was, that felt different trying to connect at that point where we weren't consistent at all, versus now when we're like we're pretty damn consistent. So the other day when we're not feeling it, or whatever, like that's okay because we met today, you know, like you just kind of shift it.

SPEAKER_01 25:52

Yeah, then that is a great example. It's the routine is back on, but it doesn't mean on those given frequencies or with the given frequency on those days that something is meant it is planned to occur, that it will go off as plan, may not happen. Okay. Plan B, switch it up a little bit, meet another day.

SPEAKER_00 26:14

I remember like years ago, I think it was always surrounding working out or whatever, but and trying to get fit, but I would always be building and building to like finding the energy to go or the motivation or whatever, and then I'd get sick. And I'm like, of course I'll get sick right when I was gonna actually do it, and then I'd start feeling like fucking guilt and stuff, versus now with certain things, like I have that consistency, I stick with it. So if I do get sick or I take a week off, like doesn't matter, like I have no doubts I'm gonna stick with what works for me. I'm gonna continue following through, and I can give myself a break to recover from an illness or whatever without that feeling of guilt at all.

Acceptance, Reset, And Closing

SPEAKER_02 26:58

Yeah, good for you.

SPEAKER_00 27:01

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 27:02

It's a big aspect.

SPEAKER_01 27:03

Yeah, because much like the workhorse that Nancy referred to, as much as we in the human world, we have schedules, we have time frames, we have events that occur at regular frequencies, etc., doesn't mean there's gonna it's always gonna go as planned and on time, and there's gonna be that time when we're just like, I can't work anymore. I'm done. Wow, Nancy, you're you're usually the the the um expert on the team who's great about summarizing things up. I know we talked about you know what leads to losing mojo and not having goal alignment and approaching things with baby steps and so forth. Anything else to add?

SPEAKER_02 27:50

Acceptance reset.

SPEAKER_01 27:53

We talked reset. Acceptance is good.

SPEAKER_02 27:55

Reset will do.

SPEAKER_01 27:57

Yep. And I think and you know what? Yeah, we're gonna have an off day here and there. No big deal. Take the day off if you need to, especially if you're not feeling all that well or feeling into it. But know that when you have an on day, hey, keep it going. Nothing wrong with um maintaining that energy, maintaining your mojo, and just going further. We hope you all enjoyed this episode and this topic. We look forward to you joining us on our next one. Bye for now.