Ep. 120 - When Disruption Becomes The Teacher

Some days everything clicks; other days the weather flips, motivation vanishes, and your carefully planned routine blows up. We lean into that messy middle and ask a sharper question: what’s truly in our control today, and how do we keep moving when life won’t cooperate? From fitness setbacks and minor injuries to drained social batteries after heavy travel, we tease apart the emotional spiral that inconsistency triggers and show how to turn it into momentum.

We start by naming the chaos—surprise weather, shifting emotions, and confidence swings that create a strange duality for anyone who values structure but craves variety. Then we get practical. If an injury limits one movement, train around it. If deadlines and travel spike stress, manage intensity and frequency rather than trying to erase stress altogether. You’ll hear how “resilience banks” get filled during calm stretches, why micro-habits outperform bursts of effort, and how tracking progress anchors trust when motivation dips. We also look at routines that don’t serve you and what it takes to make a real change when reminders and gadgets aren’t enough.

Along the way, we share personal experiments—taking yourself out to dinner on the road to recharge, intentionally stepping out of autopilot, and using small discomforts to build a habit of trying new things. We explore the paradox that inconsistency can be a teacher: when your default pattern stalls, a dose of variety can reignite growth, just like muscle confusion and a diverse diet build strength and health. The takeaway is simple and strong: consistency doesn’t mean sameness; it means showing up with what’s possible, today, and letting those deposits compound.

If this resonates, tap follow, share the episode with a friend who’s navigating change, and leave a quick review with one insight you’re taking into your week. Your words help more listeners find the show and build their own resilience bank.

Transcript

Welcome & Topic Setup

SPEAKER_03 0:09

Hello and welcome to Clean Your Fucking House, bitch, with Nancy, Kevin, and Lou. In our program, we get real about the challenges of life and living. Your mind is the most powerful tool you have to ensure you are on your desired path for success and satisfaction. Yet, from the day you are born, you gradually and subconsciously fill it with tons of useless shit that gets in your way. Why is that? How can you clean that mess up? We'll show you how. Get ready to clean your fucking house.

Naming Life’s Inconsistencies

SPEAKER_01 0:51

Hi everybody, we are so glad you're with us today. We we came to this idea that we should talk about inconsistencies because we're all faced with them. And sometimes they happen to us, and sometimes we create inconsistencies in our own life. So thinking about what how we're impacted by inconsistencies and how we manage them. And what the heck does that mean, right? Always were there, starting there. And let's just, we're gonna try to name some between us first, like things that have been inconsistent that have impacted our lives. And I think the whole US this year could say freaking weather. Um weather for sure, long-term, short-term, inconsistency and unexpected can create issues. Emotions. Our own emotions, whether they surprise us or we're impacted by someone else, and then we're carrying these emotions that we have to figure out what to do with. Um I don't know.

Control Versus Acceptance

SPEAKER_00 1:52

What are some inconsistencies you two have dealt with recently? I mean, I think there's a lot of like external inconsistencies.

SPEAKER_02 2:05

Um like whether it be opportunities or results that were expected. Um internally, you know, the motivation word that gets thrown around like that's always a surprise, right? Like you can have all the plans made up and ready to execute, but then you know, are you feeling up to it? So that's something that's gonna be inconsistent. Um, and along with that, I think confidence can be inconsistent. Right? So we may some days feel like we can conquer the world, and other days um, you know, a little bit of imposter syndrome might creep in. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:58

I love where you took that. I I had these other things in mind, and you really took it to the self, you know, when we're committed to ourself and when yeah, when imposter syndrome creeps in, and then it is inconsistent that all of a sudden we're like, I'm secure and I doubt myself and I don't know which direction to move.

SPEAKER_02 3:16

That's kind of like where my mind goes with most things. Like if especially when things aren't going smooth, it's like try to break it down and analyze what is within your control and what is not. You know, and like you mentioned weather, and like the East Coast is still getting hit pretty hard, and it sucks, but it's like, can I still follow through? Like, what do I have control of? I cannot control the weather, but can I still execute my plan, maybe even maybe not to the fullest potential, but still do something?

Fitness, Injury, And Frustration

SPEAKER_00 3:56

Right? Yeah, it's hard.

SPEAKER_04 3:59

Lou, what inconsistency, you know, the area that immediately comes to mind, which I've shared with both of you, is drum roll, my fitness routine. Oh no, very inconsistent. I okay, now maybe I'm having a memory brain freeze kind of thing here, but not didn't I share this like on a very recent episode about how I tried getting back into it and I wasn't able to do the kind of exercises I once was able to do, and it really frustrated me. So that I'm not gonna say that caused an inconsistency, but it created a force within me that had me pushing and pulling because I wanted things to go a certain way.

SPEAKER_01 4:47

A certain way. Yeah, your inconsistency caused emotions.

Stress Tolerance And Limits

SPEAKER_04 4:51

Big time. And the thing is, not only was there an emotional impact, but a physical, well, not an imp a physical impact, but where I'm going is I also started, um, I had a little bit of an injury recently, and that further kind of set me back. But it really shouldn't have, because you can work around such things. You know, if your arm hurts, work your legs or get on a treadmill, whatever. If you're you can always work around things even when it comes to physical exercise. But this whole topic I find extremely fascinating to me because I have typically lived my life in one of patterns and harmony, compatibility, numbers. You know, when it comes to numbers, it's black and white, it's on or off. And I follow formulas and routines and algorithms so that when that gets out of line or inconsistent, boy, that really does kind of knock me off. Yeah, it it's a weird, yeah, it's a weird emotional feeling. But at the same time, I have completely hopped on that bandwagon many years ago about life should be about variety and diversity and different things. Now, not that those terms are necessarily incongruent, but I you I actually do like say surprises and not having to know everything that's gonna happen. I think that's kind of boring. So I'm like, boy, what a kind of weird when you brought up this particular topic, I thought, what the hell? It it feels like a weird duality with me.

SPEAKER_01 6:34

Actually, what you said just remind me of one of the um in a coaching program I supported one of the weekly subjects is about distress tolerance. And the thing is recognizing, God, I already lost it. You could tell I I've my brain. More coffee, please. But oh, it's about stress, but the idea that we we need some sort of stressors in our life every day. That's kind of what keeps forward motion. But it's when there's too much frequency or there's increased intensity that then you have to recognize where's the break line and when is this not manageable? And that's that's similar, I think, to inconsistencies. Like if it's repeated inconsistency at a speed that you can manage, okay. Like the weather for the poor people on the East Coast and they just barely get on buried, they have to think about now how do I manage because I'm stuck at home or I have no power or I can't get the car dug out of the driveway and and work through that and then just barely get back into routine and get hit with it again.

SPEAKER_04 7:42

Yeah, that's a a good point. It it it's not that life should be stress-free, because I agree, it in many ways, uh certain types, amounts, frequency, those words you used of stress is what kind of keeps us going. I I know I've used the word deadline many times where that is a huge motivator to push things along. Um, but I guess our bodies will tell us when we hit that breaking point more often than not. I know with me, when I'm going, going, going, I hit a point where I literally pass out, meaning I'll come home from a trip and I'm done. And it's not so much the trip itself, meaning the physical moving around and all that, it's the brain fatigue. Yeah, and it's not every time, it could be after three days, after three weeks, it's just all of a sudden I'm I'm gone.

SPEAKER_01 8:37

Interesting. The fatigue, you're right, it comes and it does tell us if you're listening. And what are there any cues for you that if you if you look back, are there things that have been cues a little bit earlier before you're gone that you could acknowledge?

SPEAKER_04 8:52

I I don't think so because with me, the traveling I do and for work involves you know in interaction with clients. And even now in this post-COVID world, I've had several trips recently that were interactions with colleagues. And in both cases, and I love this new phrase, I don't it's not really new, but I've heard it used several times. I'm like, oh, that's perfect. My social battery is drained. I can only dial that motherfucker up so high. And then, you know, it's on high, and I'm and I'm feeling like I'm constantly elevated, and then I crash.

SPEAKER_01 9:35

And you have to be on in certain situations, right? And it does drain your battery at a higher rate. Yeah.

Social Battery And Burnout

SPEAKER_04 9:42

But you know, in thinking about this topic, you would think I I I would know that going into situations. So this inconsistent amount of consistent stress, I would I would think, why can't I manage that better?

SPEAKER_01 10:00

Uh I've often said, so you know you're not alone, um, that my exercise routine is consistently inconsistent. So maybe that's the best we can do, and we're doing it and finding acceptance in that. I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 10:21

And it is interesting how it there's uh, and both of you probably know the phrase I'm trying to think of when you have that um contradiction in your own mind that plays out and you feel you're being like what kind of like a cognitive dissonance, but related to this particular topic, meaning you live a life of routine or harmony or agreement, uniformity following a process, and then you get knocked off. But it may be necessary to get knocked off, and you're like, well, damn, I'm off the process, but I need to be because you don't always know why. Yeah, yeah, you don't always know why. It could be that this new thing that got inserted works better, whatever the case may be. There's such a variety of reasons, but that creates that same kind of struggle that I think of when I think of what Kevin Shared cognitive dissonance is.

SPEAKER_01 11:14

Well, and you both I like what you both came up with in the end is this idea that when we feel whatever we feel due to these inconsistencies, we should look internally and see what alternatives. What's the message with what's happening around us? There's something really powerful in having the ability to do that and figure out do we need a new path? Or should I try to get back on track? You know, and which one's gonna help me move forward in that peaceful way? So it's good self-reflection time.

Consistency As A Success Law

SPEAKER_02 11:48

You know what tends to help me too, Nancy? Like when there are inevitably going to be things that become hurdles for us to find consistency with a lot of the like in a lot of areas of life. And you know, ideally we all have goals in different areas and we're working towards them, but when I can find like durations of time where I can be consistent because there's nothing externally slowing me down. Once something pops up, I'm like at ease with knowing that everything's gonna change for a little while. You know, like um working out if I go to the gym consistently when I can, when something pops up preventing me, like I don't feel that like that guilt, I guess. I would kind of feel guilty before, like something would always pop up right when I was about to start being consistent, you know, always, or like meditation practice when you know something serious happens in life, and then it's like, oh shit, I need to meditate. I have like, and you're trying to solve this big problem, but you haven't been in practice consistently for a while, you know. So, and like not that we should have to push super hard, but yeah, like sometimes it's like pushing through the the internal environment and and forcing yourself just to find the consistency while you can. And it's kind of like perspective because like even with working out, like Lou, you mentioned injuries, but what happens when someone has a very serious injury that they can't overcome and now they cannot go hike or run, you know, and that's the one thing that they're gonna be like, man, I wish that I would have just pushed through the mental fog and got out there and did it when I was able, you know.

SPEAKER_01 13:50

You know, and also that is the the like you're filling your social battery, or I've talked before about the resilience bank. In those periods where you feel the ability to be consistent and you have those times, that's filling your bank. And so your bank is ready to support you when the other stuff surfaces that you couldn't have anticipated.

SPEAKER_02 14:12

I like that resilience bank. I love that too. I just wrote that down.

SPEAKER_01 14:16

I'm adding that to my breaking that out for the first time after I got that from a client, and I know we've talked about it before because she calls her resilience bank, and I think she gave me the term.

Routines That Don’t Serve You

SPEAKER_04 14:26

It's a good yeah. We I'm sure we have mentioned this before, and I'm sure you both uh agree that on the flip side, consistency, arguably the most crucial factor in achieving a goal. Yes, no, yeah, damn it. I did a a bit of research on the topic, and that's why I brought it up. It it that's what research claims that consistency, the most crucial law for long-term success, uh surpassing talent or intense effort. And I always find that interesting. Um, we always touch on aspects of bringing oneself to consistency, like starting small, establishing a habit, building the habit, building the routine, etc. But I I think at first glance when I heard about this, I'm like, no way, that can't be true.

SPEAKER_00 15:29

But it can be.

SPEAKER_02 15:32

I think it is.

SPEAKER_04 15:33

Yeah, I I think it is too. I've come to agree with that.

SPEAKER_01 15:38

I think that's why people have to be willing to experiment. Like the more open your mind is, the more things you can explore and consider, and then realities can come to light that you might not have trusted or believed in before. So maybe through all of this, inconsistency can be a gift because it gives us the opportunity to do just that.

SPEAKER_04 16:04

I I was just gonna say that when you think of the word, at least when I think of the word, it brings a negative connotation to my brain.

SPEAKER_01 16:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:13

Contradiction, irregularity, erraticism, discrepancy, et cetera. Those are all words that I kind of equate to the case.

SPEAKER_00 16:21

Jeez.

SPEAKER_04 16:22

Yeah, it just seems like it's a negative thing. But as you shared, I think that's a gold statement right up there with Resilience Bank that if you have a set of consistencies that aren't helping you achieve your goal, injecting some inconsistency in there could put you on the right track or a better track to help you get there. That that's uh I love that.

Variety, Muscle Confusion, Nutrition

SPEAKER_01 16:51

I've I've actually heard live examples that now that you say that, uh you know, someone I talk to frequently is struggling because their routine isn't supporting them and they're I'm trying not to give give them away, but they're they're late for everything. And then they're frustrated by it, but they in many conversations about it, they have felt like, but I have to do my routine the way I do because of this, this, and that. So they're not willing to let go. They have this routine and they feel like that's the right or the good or the best. I don't like any of those words, but that's the thing that they should be doing. Yet it isn't serving them. And so you have to be willing to try something different to find out what will serve you better.

SPEAKER_04 17:34

Or having the little things to kind of help out, like for that particular example, maybe better scheduling or um or uh what do you call it, the notification thing like smartwatch?

SPEAKER_01 17:45

All of those have been in play, so something more drastic really needs to change.

SPEAKER_02 17:50

How important do you feel like it is to try to keep the things that you know are serving you really well, and then add in elements of new.

SPEAKER_00 18:09

I mean, you I'm gonna say that's a good thing.

SPEAKER_02 18:11

Instead of replace, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 18:13

Well, what Lou said something earlier, and it made me think about muscle confusion and that we need variety, and we do. We've learned this from muscle confusion, and we have to work all the muscles, not just the same ones all the time. We learned it from nutrition. We talked about this a couple weeks ago too. I'm a broken record, but um, how we need variety in the foods we eat because our body needs all those different nutritions that come from that variety, and there's other places, I'm sure we talked about it. So you need we need variety mixed into routine. So maybe my inconsistent my consistently inconsistent exercise is just right.

SPEAKER_04 18:51

Well, and thinking about that from a very high-level uh viewpoint, you know, life itself, uh, if we were to live it without trying new things, it it just feels like it would be boring.

SPEAKER_00 19:05

Yeah.

Stepping Out Of Comfort Zones

SPEAKER_02 19:08

You know, what I've been traveling a lot too, Lou, in uh the past couple weeks, and I actually get energized from it. Like I can I can really turn it on for like work. You know, and and not even that I'm forcing myself, but I find energy going out somewhere, being a subject matter expert and and trying to coach and consult, right? Um but with all this traveling, like I just for the first time last week took myself out to dinner.

SPEAKER_04 19:44

Meaning while you were on the road?

SPEAKER_02 19:45

Yeah, like I never I would just grab food and go back to the hotel or whatever. I never like went in and sat down somewhere, sparked up conversation with strangers or whatever, because I'm not super extroverted, you know. But I ended up pushing myself to do that, and I really freaking enjoyed it. So then on this last trip, I did the same thing. I was like, this, I don't know, it just it was nice, like treat yourself, and then what came to mind for me was like, you know, we talk about how we treat others and care for others, or if we're dating someone or whatever, right? But kind of turning that around for yourself, like be that person for you, support you, take yourself out, you know. I've been living so long on this planet, and I never did that. And now I'm like, should I go to the movies alone? Should I do this and that?

SPEAKER_01 20:36

I love that. That gave you new energy, just the way you talk about it. You could tell when you did it, you felt like new energy physically that was exhilarating, that might be too big an emotion.

SPEAKER_02 20:50

But no, it was it was like you know, it's just out of your comfort zone. And like we always talk about building habits, like being uncomfortable is a habit that you can build where you're willing and able to try new things, and you know, maybe it makes you a little bit nervous or whatever, but you go through with it and you get used to that, like that small level of discomfort, I think can be a good thing. You know, like challenging yourself to just step into the unknown a little bit. Because if you don't try, like if you don't try something firsthand, then how do you know? You can assume based on perceptions through others' lenses, like on social media or TV or whatever, but unless you go out and try it yourself, you you never really know what resonates with you or not.

SPEAKER_01 21:45

So are we saying then that through the inconsistencies we face or the stuck places we get that we should embrace inconsistencies that we should I guess we're saying that I think you definitely

SPEAKER_02 22:01

But then the thing that came up for me before I even said all of that, that I was thinking of asking you guys is like it does so we talk about living in autopilot, these inconsistencies and these things that are new kind of force you out of autopilot, right? You don't have the neurology built up for this experience, but that gets fucking tiring too, right? Like all the new and all the new, and it's like, holy shit. And I'm with you, Lou. Like, what a boring life it would be if everything was just the same every day. It would be mundane and gray. At the same time, like some of those days where you don't have to do those are the best days. You know, you don't need that. And then it's it's hard because like multiple things. So right now, like a lot of volatility, I'm feeling like a lot of change, a lot of work going on in my life, and then the time of year, it's like seasonal affective disorder. Like, am I feeling pieces of that? And Melissa will tell me I am. Like, you know, when I'm not acting great, she's like, no, you experience this. I'm like, no, I don't, you know, but maybe, maybe a piece of that too. It was like nice out yesterday, Lou in Chicago, right? It's like I landed here from Philly, and I was like, this feels so freaking nice, you know. Like take a deep breath, and so who knows? Just you know, it's trying to push through until the sun pokes out of the clouds consistently, right around the corner.

SPEAKER_01 23:31

And it's and it won't, the sun won't poke out consistently. So it is like you're bringing me back even more to embrace where you are at the moment and do what you can at the moment and find some level of satisfaction with that, whatever it is.

From School Structure To Adult Choice

SPEAKER_04 23:48

I I find it interesting how our we don't really insert our own inconsistencies, if you will, in our lives until probably after college, you know, growing up, our lives are very much dictated first by our parents, and then our routine, say by school, and even within school, you have at least in the system I was in, you are in one classroom the entire day, then it went to shifting to different classes, then going to a different building. It was inconsistent, and yet I don't recall. I'm sure probably like day one or day two, there was that bit of not knowing what you don't know and a little bit of fear, but for the most part, how more often than not, I was like, oh wow, this is cool. I kind of like this. Meeting new people and learning new things and whatnot. It seemed like certain degrees of inconsistency or types are bringing positive.

SPEAKER_01 24:53

Totally. And some people can can naturally deal with that. Maybe they've dealt with more in their life up to that point. I've coached a number of college students who are like, I don't know how to build a routine to I don't, I don't know. Like they felt the world was all of a sudden too big, and making the choices felt um overwhelming and hard to find a space and a line to be on.

SPEAKER_04 25:17

So I still feel like that sometimes when I go into the grocery store and the cereal aisle, there's like 50 different cereals.

SPEAKER_02 25:24

Stay out of the cereal aisle, dude. What are you doing in the cereal aisle?

SPEAKER_01 25:28

Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 25:28

What about shredded wheat? Isn't that hopefully?

SPEAKER_01 25:31

No, read the label.

SPEAKER_04 25:32

Oh goodness. Damn it, Lou. But the point being, a lot, yeah, the world can feel overwhelming when you're faced with all of that. I thought I would share, Nancy, if um if you don't mind, before we kind of bring this home, is just some key aspects of say perhaps turning inconsistency into consistency for success.

SPEAKER_00 26:03

Wow. Okay.

Turning Inconsistency Into Consistency

SPEAKER_04 26:04

Some of the items I have on my more handy-dandy list are building trust and reliability. I'm sure you both had these, Kevin. Certainly with your travels with clients and whatnot, when you have the consistent behavior, you become a more trusted individual, like you said, subject matter expert. We talk about this one a lot: habit formation and growth. Starting small, creating repeatable steps certainly brings success and results. Compound effects, kind of building off for the habit. You start little and then simply things compound over time. And when you have a good degree of consistency in your life that helps you to overcome obstacles. I know that's happened with me as well. Kind of brought up the exercise thing. Okay, I have an injury over here, but I've been kind of humming along. I can kind of shake things up a little bit and still keep on track. And of course, improve performance overall. Um tracking progress. I think we may have, I don't think I know we've mentioned that in other episodes, but diaries or journals or whatnot, tracking progress is key as well. And this is probably Kevin's favorite, focusing on the process, not the outcome. And I know we've talked with weight loss. I will hit 160 pounds. No, just I will do 30 minutes of walking every day.

SPEAKER_00 27:25

Love it. Love it.

SPEAKER_01 27:29

That's great, handful of support methods.

Wrap-Up And Thanks

SPEAKER_04 27:34

Wow. Okay. Well, on that note, sounds like we have consistently talked about inconsistent quite a bit. I hope we I hope folks out there found this episode educational, engaging, and enlightening as we did. We always enjoy when you join us for each of our episodes, and we hope you will join us for our next. Bye for now.