Ep. 121 - Break The Rut

You ever look up and realize you’re back in the same place again, chasing the same goals, fighting the same habits, telling yourself the same story? We get real about that pattern and why it’s so common: life moves in cycles, and it can feel like you’re doing the falling way more than the climbing.

We play with a simple shift that changes everything: stop picturing your progress as a flat circle and start seeing it as a spiral. You might come back around to familiar struggles, but with a little more awareness, a little more skill, and a little more resilience. We talk through what actually triggers the turnaround, why reflection matters before motivation shows up, and how a single choice can break the “poor me” loop without pretending the feelings aren’t real.

From there, we get into the practical stuff that makes personal development stick: accountability partners, small group dynamics, and the difference between hive mentality and true community. We also dig into baby steps, balance, and how identity changes when you stay consistent long enough to become a different version of yourself. Finally, we land on gratitude journaling as a tool for mindset and momentum, especially when life is messy and you need a fast way to recalibrate.

If you got something out of this, subscribe, share it with a friend who’s rebuilding their habits, and leave a review so more people can find the show. What’s one “spiral up” moment you’ve had recently?

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:09

Hello and welcome to Clean Your Fucking House, bitch, with Nancy, Kevin, and Lou. In our program, we get real about the challenges of life and living. Your mind is the most powerful tool you have to ensure you are on your desired path for success and satisfaction. Yet, from the day you are born, you gradually and subconsciously fill it with tons of useless shit that gets in your way. Why is that? How can you clean that mess up? We'll show you how. Get ready to clean your fucking house. I hope you all are having a great day, great evening, great afternoon, wherever you may be. Kevin, Nancy, Lou here, ready to rumble. Is that the uh phrase from from years ago?

SPEAKER_01 1:10

Ready to rumble!

The Cycle Of Falling Off

SPEAKER_02 1:11

Ready to rumble. Well, folks, you probably heard of the circle of life. What about the cycle of life? We've been chatting a bit about how life just goes in cycles. We start something and do that something, and then sometimes that something ends, and we get into a bit of a rut. We realize how far we've dropped or how far down we've gone and gotten away from what matters to us, and we kind of pick ourselves up, get back on that upside of the curve and get back into the swing of things and start our I guess process of achieving our goals and all that matters, and somehow we periodically may get knocked off again. And it just seems to be a cycle. We were talking, you know, that sounds like a interesting topic because why does this cycle kind of continue for many people? How can we is it possible to maintain a constant upswing? Is that even a thing? You know what? Maybe not.

Turning Cycles Into A Spiral

SPEAKER_00 2:20

Before I forget, you made me think of something. Maybe like the theme of this conversation could be like instead of getting stuck in cycles, make sure you're on a spiral. Because it's similar, but when you come back around, you're a little bit elevated. Not that you have to continue on the up and up constantly, but you're a little bit higher this time that you, you know, kind of got pulled back into familiar and or destructive habits.

SPEAKER_02 2:55

You know, that's an excellent kind of 3D visual of the whole thing. And of course, me with my 2D mind, I'm I'm thinking of a curve that goes up the chart, but in a cyclical fashion. So not a left to right cycle, but a from the bottom of the xy axis zero part going up to the northeast, I guess it would be.

SPEAKER_01 3:21

Yeah, a little bit of a formula action going on.

SPEAKER_02 3:23

So a positive um, oh god, now I'm going back to my algebra days. What do you call the thing when um you have positive sloop? So a positive sloping cyclical curve.

Choice And Reflection As Catalysts

SPEAKER_00 3:32

Hell yeah, dude. Yes for any of our remaining listeners that are still with us, you've nerded out. Well, so I think that's it. I was I was gonna ask you guys, um, like what do you feel like is typically the catalyst to getting back on the right path? Number one, because I was thinking like you you made me think of New Year's, right? Like, same time every year, that's not intrinsically motivated at all. That's just a linear fucking timeline that you're following, and everybody's like, Oh, new year, new me, blah, blah, blah. It's not like that for me, but I think it's more of a learned behavior where I it takes reflection for me, like an effort to realize that hey, I'm back doing this shit again, time to you know get back on the train. So, what what do you guys like? What comes to mind when I say that?

SPEAKER_01 4:29

The word choice comes to mind. It takes choice, and you can dwell in the emotions of wherever you are in the spiral or the dick or the curve, right? And be like, this fucking sucks, or this has been hard, and I hate this, and why does this have to happen to me? And we all have these feelings, right? We're not diminishing that, they're real. And then somewhere you could continue that way, or somewhere you have to make the choice of okay, I'm I'm gonna pull myself to the to the left a little bit and freaking break that story of poor me and choose to do something. So I feel like choice is the thing. But I'd like that you added reflection in there because really you probably need a little reflection first.

SPEAKER_00 5:10

Well, I was also thinking, Nancy, just to add on to the the word reflection is that that is the the main determining variable of if you're in a cycle or a spiral. You know, like things could be pretty close to exactly the same this time around, whether it's been a quarter or half a year, a year, whatever. But the main difference is what you're taught, like what are you saying to yourself? Like, are you reminding yourself how far you've come and you know what? Maybe I fell into this bad habit um for only a month when last time it was two months, or like you can find, I'm sure you can find something. If you're if you're personal development focused and growth-minded, I'm sure that there are elements that are different this time, or things that you pushed through when you were, you know executing and implementing things intent with intention in your life.

SPEAKER_01 6:09

For sure. And I think even like Lou said, if you're if you're in a spiral normally we kind of equate that with maybe not being good because it feels like you don't have a good thing.

SPEAKER_00 6:20

I just took it that way too. Good point.

SPEAKER_01 6:22

Yeah, but if you are in a spiral, you're moving, and then you might repeat a feeling or an action that you don't prefer, but from a different position, from a different perspective. And so it doesn't mean you're not growing through whatever that experience is, even if it's on repeat.

SPEAKER_02 6:42

The thing about one-one that I find interesting, and I agree with you, Kevin, that that date is essentially meaningless. There's no reason why anything has to begin on one-one.

SPEAKER_00 6:53

I didn't pick up what you meant by one-one. I was waiting for the January 1st.

SPEAKER_02 6:59

Yeah. But what I find interesting is that with that date, there seems to be a group mindset or the fact that, uh-oh, everyone else is doing something. I maybe should do something too. So that what for many people that tends to manifest in their own minds that, uh, you know, everyone else has got on their weight loss plan, or everyone else got back to the gym. I maybe should do something as well. That has a little bit of pulling power. Now it's certainly not uh I feel strong pulling power and not lasting pulling power, but there's a bit of pulling power uh as a great way, maybe to just kind of kickstart things.

Community Versus Hive Mentality

SPEAKER_00 7:40

But well, maybe the difference between like hive mentality and community, right? Because the hive mentality thing where it's like you're doing something because everyone else is doing it or you're supposed to do it, that's different than like, hey, I have a group of five people, and we're all trying to change our lives and shift gears into the same direction. That has so much value.

SPEAKER_02 8:02

And that's actually part two of what I was gonna add is along with that, becomes a bit of an accountability partner aspect where okay, I have four of my friends want me to join them to go to the gym and take part in whatever, some kind of exercise class, whatever the case may be. And you have that kind of buddy system or again, um accountability partner aspect, which is also which is very strong. Yeah. You know, I I wonder if there's any studies out there. I'll have to research this on the strength or degree of success of reaching a goal or or working on a goal when um weight loss in particular or anything going to the gym where you know you have a number of different accountability partners versus trying to do it on your own.

SPEAKER_01 8:52

I mean, I I have heard of you know there's some research on it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:56

I have heard of some years ago, I remember there being one on just the strength of having one at all. I am curious if you know, taking it to the next level one versus two versus three versus four, like actually does it increase with, or is it just having at least one matter?

SPEAKER_01 9:16

That's interesting because more than one accountability partner, I I from without naming a thing or knowing what any one particular person is working on could be too much because it could have conflicting interests and pull you in different directions. But at the same time, as you were talking about that, I was thinking about the exercise class I'm doing. And these people, it's such a great community, and we all have the same intention, as Kevin was saying. We're all kind of modifying. The leader gives guidance, we're all kind of modifying based on our needs, but we're there for the same intention and purpose, and we support each other as we get the stuff done. And so we do motivate and empower each other, but we remain independent in our focus and we have a common interest.

SPEAKER_00 10:03

So I found some stuff. One thing I came across was group size and dynamics matter. Too large a group can produce social loafing.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:11

Um but this says that social loafing. Commitment uh if if commitments include regular check-ins or meetings with an accountability partner, the success rate can jump to around 95%.

SPEAKER_01 10:29

Well, that's what so the Stanford study we knew years ago. Yeah, kind of what they said as well. But it took having the idea, writing it down, telling a friend, making a plan, and then having an accountability partner that took it all the way up to 95 or 98.

SPEAKER_02 10:46

I'm not surprised that it reaches a point of say diminishing marginal utility. With group size.

SPEAKER_00 10:54

I know, yeah, with group size.

SPEAKER_02 10:56

I'm like, oh my god, my economics uh knowledge sort of came back real quickly there in a different context. Where did that come from? Um, but where, yeah, you know, two, three partners may be effective, but then the larger the group becomes, you you start to resort to social loafing.

SPEAKER_01 11:13

I'm gonna add that to resilience bank or man No, but so many good things have surfaced there in finding that thing that pulls you forward, finding an accountability partner or community that helps you stay engaged and choosing to just do something.

SPEAKER_02 11:40

And I and as I as we started to talk, it's like, well, what has you turned things around when or and has you realize you kind of hit the bottom of the curve and you need to start moving back up as opposed to, and I hate to kind of use this as an analogy, but this is the only one I can think of at the moment is say something with the job or whatever, where if things go really bad and and your performance is bad and you get laid off, you don't look for whatever, you become homeless. It almost seems like things in life can get very, very bad where you just wind up in a situation that becomes increasingly challenging to a point where it almost seems like impossible to get out of. With myself, I almost have like this trigger that says I can't let it go further, because if it goes further, that would be the result. And it's almost like this I don't know what I can't even describe. You both probably have experienced it as well. But you know, it's something that is almost like a safeguard or a guardrael.

SPEAKER_00 12:39

It can be, but can it it can also be like debilitating where you're never doing enough or whatever, like you could be so hard hard on yourself that you make whatever situation you're in worse.

unknown 12:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:55

And you know, you're the homeless example, it's very real that so many people right now are living on this paycheck to paycheck space that the minute a thing goes awry, they're at risk in ways like that. And and as you were saying that, I'm thinking again, it comes back to choice is the thing that pulls you out. When you hear the stories of the people that were homeless and found a job and a place to park their car to sleep, and finally, you know, they do find their way back. It is oh well, I feel like I'm repeating myself, but there's a drive in there. Like they're not willing, you have to let go of certain things, I think, as well as choose things at the same time, and letting go of the things that hold you back and then choosing the things that can pull you forward.

SPEAKER_02 13:48

Yeah, and I know we've talked about this before too. It just uh, but it I'm sure everyone has probably has felt this way that it seems much easier to do the falling than the climbing. You know, I mean, it seems like even a natural physical state that it it's easier to fall down the stairs than to climb that. But um that's probably not the best analogy there, but uh yeah, I think it you know where I'm going. And with that in mind, we recognize that subconsciously, if not consciously, and then it becomes, yeah, like Kevin said, um, can be an overwhelming struggle. Was that the phrase kind of like you used or something?

SPEAKER_00 14:31

Like with your mind, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:33

We just feel it's very tough, a lot going on, and I just can't do it anymore, kind of mindset and take a pause or whatnot.

Baby Steps Identity And Momentum

SPEAKER_00 14:43

Yeah, the majority of it's in here, right? In the head. So if you can shift perspective, like you can coming out of like a decent amount of time I've spent not feeling great about a lot of areas of my life, like there are things that you can be grateful for, there are things that you can celebrate, like you can find something. And I, you know, to hit absolute rock bottom, I guess it depends, it it varies per person, but to an extent, I think it takes kind of throwing your hands up and being like, fuck it, and to get to that absolute rock bottom. And I think the reason why it's easier to fall into that that trap of bad like bad habits, because if you do nothing, that's a bad habit, right? Like if you're doing nothing consistently, so it's easy to to have things go to shit because to succeed and elevate takes effort. Yeah, you know what I mean, unless you're just living in this this world of like nothing really matters, and you know, and and if you're content with that, maybe that's fine for that person. But the majority of us I think we we uh get a sense of accomplishment through achievement, right? And and through growth, and and that's hard because it's different and because it's new, and because it takes awareness and and choices and intention, you know what I mean? Which can get super fucking tiring too, like always grinding, yeah, so you have balance. The word balance comes to mind.

SPEAKER_02 16:33

And and what we always talk about though, even approaching is things that we need to do with a bit of baby step approach, uh certainly helps a lot. You know, with anything I hear about where someone has a well-defined goal with an intention to achieve that goal, uh, you know, there's a time frame around it, but it's always starting off small, low, whatever the case may be, and then it just naturally kind of builds and and grows to something greater.

SPEAKER_01 17:05

I mean, that this just seems like a competition, anything will. If you just keep repeating it, it will grow in some way.

SPEAKER_00 17:14

Well, you also give your time, you you give yourself time to develop and change. Like it's not just about the steps we're taking, it's about who we become. So those baby steps allow you to build habits and and create, like build yourself into a new person. So then what came to mind for me, Lou, was like not when you grow, when you take those steps, when you are consistent, you become a different person. That new person doesn't allow you to fall off as hard as who you were a year ago. Like you have this refreshed sense of what it feels like to be the person that you're becoming, that you envision yourself to ultimately be. That person is not going to allow you to fall off completely or for a prolonged period of time where where everything crumbles around you.

SPEAKER_01 18:09

Well, the physical actions do then shift your mindset, as you're saying, and then you feel stronger and more empowered with more desire and more intention, and then that cascades momentum.

Gratitude Journals And Weekly Recalibration

SPEAKER_02 18:22

Yep, you get like a dopamine hit, and then it just comes on stronger and stronger.

SPEAKER_01 18:27

Way back in the when you started talking today, like and introduced this subject, what came to mind for me was gratitude. And so sometimes taking a moment in as part of reflection to figure out what you can have gratitude for helps build that that momentum too.

SPEAKER_00 18:47

You know what? A little bit of synchronicity there, Nancy, because uh when I was on my way back from travel for work on Friday, I actually whipped out my gratitude journal that's been in my backpack forever. And I wrote in it. And I like to date when I write in it. It's been three over three years that I wrote in that gratitude journal. And it's literally just me writing down all the things I'm grateful for, even if they haven't come to fruition yet.

SPEAKER_01 19:19

You know what's awesome that it was still in your freaking backpack? Like you had it with you, so the value of that didn't ever get lost.

SPEAKER_00 19:27

Yeah. Yeah, it just takes intention to get in there and write some stuff down.

SPEAKER_01 19:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:34

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 19:35

Sounds like you had a list.

SPEAKER_00 19:37

Yeah, I have a lot to be grateful for, even when things are tough.

SPEAKER_02 19:41

Yeah, and I know you know, for the folks listening out there, we, as I'm sure we've shared many times, before we begin recording, we have a conversation about not just a topic of discussion, but how our week has gone, how our day has gone, what's going on in our own lives. And more often than not, of course, that spurs on the topics. But I think throughout those conversations, Kevin and Nancy agree with me that you know we are should be grateful for a lot of what we have because things could always be much worse. I mean, it sometimes just takes uh you know us to sit and think about that. Because I I know I've been in that situation as well. I'm like, god damn, you know, I got this going on and that going on, and life sucks.

SPEAKER_00 20:27

I don't know if I've actually um said that, but oh shit, I have. Well, it it also speaks to like community and and who you surround yourself with, right? And the three of us, we meet, you know, at the most once a week. And even if we don't feel like doing it or our days have sucked, or whatever the case is, like this is one thing that we we know we can count on and depend on to kind of recalibrate, yeah. Right, and and just be around other people that know you, that share some common beliefs and structure um that are gonna lift you up.

SPEAKER_01 21:05

Yeah, care about you in some way, yeah.

Takeaways And Farewell

SPEAKER_02 21:08

And it gets back to that whole aspect of being part of community, you know, when this is our community and and uh what gets us through through the week. Wow. Okay, so a lot to unpack here. I uh have a feeling this is a topic we may come back to again in the future in in one form or another, because it's a very interesting one. I hope you, all of our listeners, found this episode as engaging and educational as all of our episodes, and we look forward to you joining us on the next one. Bye for now.