Ep. #8: What Nepalese rituals, our past, and belief in ourselves have to do with each other

In this episode, I talk about why your brain is a liar when it comes to thoughts you have about yourself. It's conditioned to find evidence for negative thoughts or beliefs because it wants you to stay stagnant and not take any risks. But as the Field of Dreams goes, if you believe it, the results will come. Take the leap to believe in yourself, and your brain will look for evidence of this new thought. 

I also talk about what happens when you think the past holds you back. Maybe you think of yourself as a different person or you have friends and family who are attached to a certain thought about you - a thought that you are trying to change. The past has no bearing on your present or future. The past is over.  I look at how we can trick the brain to focus on your present and future self. 

Then, I talk about the importance of ritual in helping to part ways with old thoughts and strengthen new ones. I use the Lohorung people from Nepal as an example of why rituals are so powerful and effective in bringing new thoughts to the fore and helping you step into your own power. 

Transcript

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

ritual, beliefs, people, thoughts, brain, thought, friends, energy, feel, life, 

00:10

Welcome to unleash your inner power with Dr. Janny Chang, the podcast that helps women from all walks of life use thoughtworks research and storytelling to help rewire your brain and kick ass in your personal and professional life.

00:28

Hi, friends, how's it going? It's really odd to be asking that question because I know we can't answer. But I always ask it because I really, really want to know, and I do care. And if you email me, you know, email me Janny Chang one@gmail.com, or message me find me, I will chat with you, I want to talk, I want to know how you are doing. So when I ask that I really genuinely mean it, right. So it's, it's so odd to also be working on these podcasts in like, the middle of the night. Usually, it's like midnight, for me. Kids are down, I'm like reading and writing. And I'm just like, putting on some really inspiring music that I love. It always gets me in the mood, like I will tell you you to YouTube's music, like just, it just hits me right there, you know, in my soul. So I always have something like that on. And, and I just I just, you know, work on it, I don't have a schedule, I don't really believe in posting content on a schedule. And that's also partly because, you know, I work full time, and I've got kids. But honestly, if I was doing this full time, I would be posting based on the content I have to offer as opposed to trying to make myself follow a schedule. You know, that's just kind of what operates. For me, that's how I like to run things. Because I like to write from inspiration I like to share. I also, you know, none of us is really fluff. Like, for me, it's like, it's ideas that really matter. It's thoughts that I think will really help you, my people. And so I just, I want to make sure that when I whenever I put out is high quality, something I'd want to listen to. And that would be useful to you. And that's and it's also like unique, like you can't get it anywhere else. So that's how I like to think of what I'm sharing, and I don't like to call it being content. To me, it's just like sharing, it's just like, it's a relationship we have here that I see it's like this. It's not just like me at the pulpit like lecturing or talking about things. Believe me, I was trained academia, so I understand how that works. I, I've never liked it when someone is preaching or lecturing at me. But to me, I see it as just like friends, you know, like, I imagine us, like by the Fireside, having a glass of wine and just like chatting, you know, that's how I see it. And I'd be like, oh, like I had this epiphany. And, and someone else would be like, Oh, I thought the same thing. So I'd love to hear more from you. And that's kind of what I would love more of right now. So, you know, feel free to contact me, I'd love to hear from you. Alright, so friends, I will admit that this week has been super emotional for me. I don't know if I've talked about it before, but we've been fostering a beagle, whom we just adore and fell in love with. His name is Java. We named him jumba, which means hello in Swahili, in case you didn't know. And my kids call him Bobo or bow for short. And so first things first, he's getting heartworm treatment. That's been hard on him. You know, it's just he came home, shivering and just not feeling well. And second thing is, because he's a foster our goal has always been to prepare him for his future family. And we've talked to our kids about it. And you know, and you know, my kids are just so young that we feel like we just can't commit right now to adopting, but we love to foster and so he's one of our fosters. And so even though that's the case, I mean, we get very attached, right? We were even attached to our last foster dog, and we had her for like a week. My kids still talk about her all the time. So even though I've talked about it to my kids about what fostering means. I think it's still going to be really hard on them. And it's gonna be hard on me to let him go like, I just love I mean, he's just so cute, his little smiling face. He's so sweet and affectionate and he's just like the best dog like the best Family dogs or for a couple or just and for me working, you know from home. And sometimes my husband goes out of town and it's just Bo has been, he's been like my steady rock. And

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on Friday we are dropping him off to be with his new family. And that's just, it's going to be super painful, I will admit, I'm just going to be crying, I'm, I mean, happy for him, but I'm going to allow myself to feel heavy and feel sad and just grieve. You know, I mean, he's come into our lives now for I think, a little over two months, but you know, it's like he's been in every part of our lives, like from the morning, we see him to the night, we put him to bed, and we go to bed, and it's just, he's such a big part, my kids lives and so I'm just gonna miss everything about him from him curling up on our couch, to him just being there. When I'm working and alone, I'm gonna miss seeing him play with my kids and just being so patient with them. And also, he has started to grow up, just really funny, but but you know, he's just his super sweet self, he's just got a great energy. It's like, he sees the spirit, you know, you've got you see the spirit and animals, you know, and the Spiegel are like, he's got a quirky personality. He's also got these like, intense, deep looks, you know, that like, it's like, he understands what you're saying. When I'm talking about, like, when I'm, you know, philosophizing on life, and talking about concepts of coaching, it's like, I swear, he understood. And he's just has this most, like, genuinely outgoing and loving vibe. And, and he's also kind of meaty, you know, he's like, just, he loves to, you know, be cuddled with and pet and to be needed, and he, like, whimpers You know, when he kind of wants you there. And, anyway, I could just go on and on about him, but I'm just going to miss him so much, I'm feeling all the feels, I am allowing myself to stay in the sadness and just grieve. And, and this does actually have to do with what I want to talk about today. You know, which is, which is about the relationship we have with ourselves? You know, what we believe in ourselves, right? And, and so the topic, the question I want to ask is, what do Nepalese rituals, our past, and our beliefs about ourselves have to do with each other? It all comes down to the relationship we have with ourselves. For me, I'm letting myself just feel the feels, I am giving myself hugs. And it's not even like, I want bubble baths. Or I mean, to me, self care is just, it's not about bubble baths or massages. I mean, those are great. And sometimes you need those, but I think it's also about you know, certain things that will improve your quality of life, right? Like, for example, pursuing a goal, you know, and investing in yourself. For me, it's, it's being in this coaching certification program. It's also just letting myself feel and just be sad, sometimes that's the greatest self care is just to allow yourself to be without trying to fix it without trying to be positive without trying to silverline it, you know, that sometimes it's just the greatest self care is just to sit with it, and just be still. So, alright, so I'm going to move on kind of talking about this topic about our beliefs about ourselves. Okay. So when it comes to beliefs about ourselves, I just want you to know our brain is a liar. Okay, really, it is don't believe it. I've named mine brain my, the primitive part my brain, I named it phyllis schlafly. And if you've ever seen the show, Mrs. America, you might know who I'm talking about, but also just in history. As far as the women's movement, phyllis schlafly was the conservative activist who opposed feminism, gay rights. And basically she led the whole movement against passing the Equal Rights Amendment in the US. So it was so close to passing and she is the one that that helped block it. So I've named my brain Phyllis after phyllis schlafly because they both fear change, schlafly feared that the nuclear family and social mores of our society would be somehow ruined if the era passed. Right and this primitive part of your brain, which is basically our limbic system, combined with the survival mechanism and our reptilian The brain, this primitive part keeps us safe by exaggerating the risks around us and keeping us stagnant. It doesn't want us to grow or change, because that would mean taking more risks, and more perceived danger, right.

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So one of the ways that it keeps us in the state of homeostasis, where things don't change, we just stay the same the status quo is reinforced, is by searching for evidence that confirms the negative beliefs we have about ourselves. And these beliefs all started with a single thought. So think about how we start to build our beliefs about ourselves, based on what society tells us, what people around us, tell us, our parents, our siblings, relatives, friends, teachers, the media. Let me just give you an example. Okay, like maybe you've been told, since you were very young, you know, by handful people around you, that you're pretty, right. And then as you get older, you believe that you're like, I'm pretty, I'm pretty everyone tells me that right? But then you hear from the media, and then your peers, that if you're pretty, then you can't be smart. Right? Those are other people's thoughts. You know, it could be society's thoughts. It could be your parents thoughts, it could be your teachers, thoughts, your friends thoughts, but then they become your own thoughts. When you internalize them. You know, you could you could call it beliefs, right beliefs and thoughts, beliefs are more, I think of as like, more entrenched thoughts, like thoughts like that are stronger, you know, that you really have strongly internalized and grabbed on to. So when you internalize these thoughts, and you and they become beliefs, right? Well, you start to really think I must be pretty. And therefore I must not be smart, right? Like that, that concept. So I know, it sounds like this is like such an outlandish kind of example, because you're like, Well, of course, people can be pretty smart. And, you know, and also, why are women even measured by how they look anyway? Right? All of that is just like thoughts that we've been taught, growing up, to internalize and be part of our belief system. When you believe those thoughts so much, and they become your own, you don't question them. And that's when your brain latches on to this belief, and looks for constant evidence to support it. So over the years, your brain builds this huge case, like if your brain was a lawyer and going to court to prove a point, your brain be like, Your Honor, look, women can't be both pretty and smart. Women have to be pretty, or you know, all these different kinds of beliefs that we've been socialized to believe, right? And your brain might be like, Your Honor, I have 15 years of proof of this, based on what so and so said, based on what happened the other day, and look, you know, you failed math. Oh, look, you didn't do well in school, so you must be not smart. And look, everyone tells you, you're pretty. So look, it's like your brain is just out there to prove this point. Right. And that's what keeps you from questioning. But the root of my coaching, and this coaching in general, which is based on thought work is to be more aware of your thoughts as not being real, like question your thoughts, right? So you may wake up one day and have an epiphany and be like, wait a minute, this is totally not true. Like, I am pretty, and I am smart. And your brains going to refuse this and find evidence to the contrary, right? I mean, remember, your brains built a case, like your brains ready to go to court and be like, Look, I built a case of 15 years of evidence, you know, that this, this belief, this thought is true. Right? So I mentioned as an example, and it's just, it seems like an outlandish kind of idea or thought, you know, you can't be pretty smart, but think about all the kinds of thoughts that you have about yourself, that

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someone else from the outside might say, well, that's totally outlandish. I don't see that about you. But you might totally believe it, and you never even stop to question it. Right to change a belief that you have about yourself. It really it takes, you know, some time to really reflect to be aware that your thoughts are not real. And then you really just have the choice to change it right then and there. For some people might take a little longer and so I always say first start by writing out the belief that you have about yourself that you're starting to question and it could be anything. Okay. For me, I'm going to give an example of this belief that I've had this recurring thought, that's become so strong that it's basically part of my belief system is that I am bad at math, right as an Asian person, right? It just seems so contrary. And because like society, the societal thought is that Asians must be good at math. It's a total stereotype, right? And stereotype is a thought error. Right? It's a thought error. totally not true. And that's something else that we have to question right is our stereotypes. So not all Asians are good at math, right? And so that's what we have to start questioning. Now, some people actually internalize that I'm Asian, I must be good at math. Well, I've always thought the opposite, that I was bad at math, and ultimately feel bad. Because as an Asian person, I'm like, I should be good at math, but I'm not. And so it's kind of like this tug of war in my mind, right? All this mental drama around it. And it's because growing up, like my parents have told me or people around me told me that, you know, I wasn't very good at math. And I wasn't very technical, you know. And I was a computer science major and undergrad, and my math course grades were definitely my lowest grades. I mean, granted, they were like, 3d calculus, right? Just super advanced. So let's just start with this belief. Okay. So for me to change this belief. I want to accept it, you know, I want to accept that I have this recurring thought that I'm bad at math. So just accept that you have a thought. And that it may never go away. Like even when you change your thought, and you change your belief system about this, in relation to yourself, this thought may still come pop up in different forms from time to time. Okay. But that's okay. Like you just know how to manage it. You're like, well, there's I thought, let it go through let it go through my mind. And like, oh, brain, you know, my case, I talked to Phyllis Phyllis, I say, oh, Phyllis, I see that, that you're, you're bringing that out again. But you know what, it's just not true. And then I just talked to my brain about it. So one way to trick the brain is to practice the thought for me, I am great at math. And sometimes you just have to believe it before you actually think you have evidence for it. Because you're never going to gather enough evidence for in the beginning, because your brain is so used to gathering evidence for the old bull old thought, right, which is I'm bad at math. So it's so stuck to that it's built this case of 15 years of You're so bad at math, right? It's ready to go to court, in a briefcase say Your Honor, I know you're bad at math, you're on. I know, Janny is bad at math, right? I have all the evidence for it. So for you, it's like to change it, the brains we resistant to change. So you just have to take the leap and believe like, I'm great at math, it's like the Field of Dreams, right? That movie, if you build it, they will come. so cheesy, right? But it's true, right? If you believe it, the results will come. So you kind of have to believe at first you to believe I am great at math, or I am a great coach. Or like I am doing amazing in this like before the results that you think that you should have before they actually start showing up. Right? And now if you have a hard time jumping into this new thoughts, which I oftentimes, like, sometimes do, because I'm like, what does it mean to love myself? You know, I don't fully believe in my body yet. Well, you can use ladder thoughts which are just like bridge thoughts, which are in between the thoughts that help you get to the new one. So it's like thoughts that you it's a bridge, they literally bridge your old thoughts to your new thoughts. Okay, so in this case, a ladder thought, it's like more neutral might be like, I am capable of learning math, right? Like, I totally believe that I might not believe I'm great at math, let's just say for example, if you can't believe I'm great at something that you're working on the ladder or bridge thought might be I am capable of learning it. You know, so like, you can totally believe that it feels neutral in your body. You believe it in your body you feel on your body does it feel relaxed when you think that so that would be the case. If you repeat that and it feels good in your body, then practice that new thought that new ladder bridge thought, you know, and but if if you feel good, and your body to practice the new thought, like I'm great at it, then take that leap. because trust me, once you take that leap, and then you practice it, that's when all the evidence is going to come you're going to be like, your brain is going to start looking for evidence that you're actually really great at math. Like for me, when I started doing this, I was like, Oh, my brain was looking for all the ways in which I was great at math. Like for example the brain had overlooked and the fact that I had taken advanced calculus, you know, all through the, through my years I've actually done well. And except for 3d calculus, but my advanced calculus I did well, I've always done well, in problem solving in math. I've always mastered math games. I also did really well in the math parts of computer programming. You know, I also just really enjoy learning and reading about math. Right? And so my brain started to find evidence for that. That thought that I'm great at math, you know, an hour only reinforces the belief, until I start to believe it with ease, but it just keeps gathering evidence. So it takes some time to gather evidence. But I had to first believe it, I had to first be like, I'm great at math, you know, and so I want to make sure that you understand this is not a case of fake it till you make it because you're not faking anything. You're genuinely approaching your thoughts with curiosity. And you're questioning the beliefs you have, right. And so you recognize the ways in which you are you are an amazing person, or you are smart and great at math. Because that is true, that evidence is there, there's no illusion here. It's simply looking at it from a different angle. Okay, it's also recognizing and believing and thinking, it's recognizing that thinking and believing you're bad at math doesn't actually help you improve your math skills, right? Like, you can shame yourself into trying to improve your math skills, but the experience is going to be just shitty, right? It's based on a sense of inadequacy, and you feel forced to try to improve. And that whole energy that you're putting out into the world is just like very negative, right. So even if you do improve in math, and you've been like beating yourself up beating yourself up the whole time, I don't think the effects or the results that you want, is going to be enduring or long lasting, because you're just miserable doing it right, the whole process just sucks, right? So my belief is that you want to clean up those thoughts. And, you know, even if the case you want to improve on math, or any sort of skill, or any sort of thing that you're doing, to change your relationship with yourself, or belief in yourself, you got to do it from a place where you believe and think that you're totally worthy, you're capable and smart and amazing. And that sense of abundance that you have inside you, that's what's going to energize you and motivate you to get better in math or whatever skills that you're trying to improve, while also enjoying the process. And trust me, the results will be so different, like the results that you get, you know, will be more effective and more lasting, and more enjoyable, you know. So the results just like so much better. And that's what you want. It's a totally different energy, right? And so, pay attention to energies, it sounds totally Woo. But if you're attuned to your emotions, and other people's emotions, like I am, and I know many coaches are like this, coaches know what I mean, then, you know, you know what I mean, right about being attuned to emotions, you totally put on a different you put put out a different kind of energy, when you have positive beliefs about yourself, like when you think you are worthy, when you think you're great at something. And that doesn't mean you don't have room for improvement, but you got to believe you're great at it first in order to improve, right, and you're also just worthy and amazing, and a beautiful person, and generous and loving and kind and competent and smart all of that.

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So, like I used to do fundraising for a private school. And I loved asking for money, I mean, 100% of donations went back to the students, or to provide for other students a form of scholarships, right? So I would like talk to the parents and other donors and be like, Well, of course, like, why wouldn't you want to give back in this way? Right, like, write me a check. You know, this is amazing. And I got a lot of fantastic responses from people on my raised help raise a lot of money. Because the energy I put out was that I totally believed in the product, which is an education for your kids. I was like, why wouldn't you want to donate to the school that your child goes to? Right? And what an incredible cause to donate to education that provides an incredible experience for your child so that he or she or they can become and fulfill their greatest potential. Right? And so I got a lot of donations that way, because I was like, Yes, of course. Why wouldn't you? That's This is awesome. I would totally do it. But if you have someone who didn't quite believe in it, or just didn't like to ask for money, and I know a lot people like this, who working for raise fundraising, believe it or not, but don't like to ask for money. I mean, some people just hate asking for money, right? So and that's okay, that's okay. That's just their preference. But the energy is totally different that they put out into the world, right? So if even if someone does give you money, I mean, ever had that like sort of circumstance, someone's asking for money, but you can tell that they kind of don't want to be there and they're like, please donate to this cause but they're like, feeling very embarrassed about it, and they don't like it and they're not, you know, you just tell that they don't believe in it, you know? Or they they just don't like being there. They don't want the process of it right. So it feels totally forced. Well, it just the whole process feels fake and awkward. Right? And does it make you want to break out your checkbook and Donate No, right? It just makes for a miserable experience for everyone. So, whereas To me, the experience I think of asking for money is a totally beautiful piece of art. Like, it's like a dance that you do with a donor, you know, or someone or a friend or something, right? When you're asking for money for a product or project, but you totally believe in like that feeling that you get to donate and contribute, like, what,

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how lucky Are you that you get to give money to this amazing cause? That's how I always felt when I asked for money, or I always put myself in that space, if I didn't feel like it, I would coach myself into that space, right, because it's a different energy and a different vibe. And I knew at the end of the day, I totally believed in what I was asking for money for, but it was about also getting to that space sometimes. And also being just attuned to your own energy and the vibe you're putting out into the world, right? So that it doesn't have to feel grasping or desperate or salesy. But it's like, you're like, yeah, this is an incredible movement or cause that you should be a part of, I want you to be a part of it, because it's so amazing. And you're gonna feel so good about giving money to this, you know, so bring out your checkbook, by the way. All right. So the energy is important. And an all depends on your belief in yourself. Sometimes, though, this is where I want to talk about your past, okay? The past can feel limiting, right? Especially if you had strong beliefs about yourself that's so deeply rooted in the past. And people keep reminding you and your life of who you once were, right. So I think of like parents, some parents who can't seem to accept that their kids are grown, it's like, they still see them as children. like you'd have, have you ever had the experience where you've either witnessed a friend or yourself maybe like, you go home to your childhood home to visit, you know, parents or relatives, and even though you're like a grown adult, it just becomes so easy to revert back to your childhood roles, right? Because the people you're around, just see you as a kid could be like, 40 years old, right? And they still see you as like a child, you know, and treat you that way and talk about the past that way, like, remember when you, you know, did this and that when you were like five, and that's all they talk about, right. And that's, that's great. Like, I think for some people, they need that I mean, histologia is powerful, and it's totally seductive. And, you know, that trip through memory lane is something that I think, you know, is healing for people, okay, so they do need that. And sometimes you just let them do it, okay. But at the same time, if you are trying to work on a certain belief about yourself, that's forward looking, and that's based on a change you're trying to make. And people from your past, keep reminding you of it otherwise, of you being a different person, or, you know, having a different thought or belief, it might be good to draw a boundary and let people know that you've changed, you know, and from a place of love, right, like love for yourself, love for them, you know, that's your family, for instance. You know, so you might, you might want to let them know, and have that frank conversation, you know, an example, I also think this is when we have for me, I think I've always had different friends in different stages in my life. And it's just a result of us changing and evolving as people, right. And so in high school, I was one way and I was young. And so my friends from high school who knew me, as a person I was then, you know, might know a certain aspect of me, right. And, you know, and then maybe my college friends knew a different side of me, and then maybe grad school, and then now you know, as a parent, right, there's like different friends you have at different stages of life. Now I have my best friend who she has seen me through everything, and she's so amazing about accepting that I have changed and what I'm trying to work on, and she's changed. And I'm also the same way, like very open to her changes, and her trying out new thoughts and beliefs and patterns. So, you know, so you know, so I think that that's just so important to have people like that in your life. But, but if you don't, I think, you know, it can feel limiting, right? When you are interact with people who knew you in your younger years or knew you, you know, back then when, you know, used to do certain things that seem, you know, opposite of what you're trying to do now. Right? And so they might just be super attached to their perceptions of you, of who you were back then. Right. And that's what I want to remind you though is that the past is gone. The past is gone. It only has meaning if you give it meaning. And so when you have people in your life constantly reminding you of the past, we try to work on something I say have a friend conversation with them. Okay, and sometimes you also might just have to let certain relationships or friendships go, right because, you know, if, for example,

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you know, used to drink a lot of alcohol, you know, and all your friends that you used to get with were just love to drink, right. And maybe you can bond on a lot of other things and you're trying to change that, for instance, you're trying to like not even touch alcohol, you're trying on this new thought, like, I don't need alcohol and trying to change your whole belief systems around it. And also your relationship with yourself. Well, it may just be that you're gonna have to make new friends, friends that don't, you know, rely on alcohol as part of your friendship, right? For example, right? So I just want to remind you, you can be who you want to be today, you redefine yourself now and you can completely sever the past. The past doesn't define you one bit if you don't want to. I think of the comedy 51st dates. Have you seen that movie with Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler Sandler. And so Drew Barrymore's character has his like, amnesia like condition where she forgets who she is. And so she wakes up each day and the person's like Groundhog Day, but she has she has no memory. In Groundhog Day, though. Bill Murray, like has a memory of who he was. It's just the day keeps repeating. But in Drew Barrymore's case, like she has no memory, like, she literally is just like wakes up the day. She's like, Who am I? So every day, she just gets to be a different person, like whoever she wants to be that day. And so it's just funny, because she's dating Adam Sandler. And he has to court her and date her over and over again, without her ever remembering what happened the day before? So it's such a hilarious movie. And seriously, I just love that about this movie that you can redefine yourself each day, like, what if we woke up tomorrow, and we had no memory of who we were yesterday or the day before? Or in our past? You know, we get to have new thoughts. You know, we get to totally practice new belief systems, you know. And I think that that's something that you can practice. Now, you don't need to have amnesia, you know, it's basically just a choice. You're like, yeah, I want to discard certain thought patterns. And I'm going to practice something new. You know, and I want to be around people who's going to support that. And that's all okay, that's all good. So, if you're practicing a new thought that's going to be part of new beliefs, which will essentially change your identity, it's time also, I think, another thing that really helps, is to create a ritual for yourself. And in this ritual, you can make it however you want to be, okay, however you want it to be. But this ritual is going to help you demarcate the old you with this old thoughts from the new you with this new thoughts. And it just like, it just, it just creates closure, and opens, opens things up to new possibilities for you. Okay, and sometimes we need these rituals, I just, I feel like we totally lack a lot of rituals in our society in Western culture. I mean, if we had more rituals, like these rites of passages, like, from when you become an adult, like, what does it mean, when you become an adult? You know, it's like, amazing, you have a really awesome ritual. I'm not just like graduation, but like, a ritual that says, like, yeah, now you're an adult, or now, you know, we do have rituals when it comes to like marriage or, you know, birth of a child like a christening, or, you know, these things are all special, because they get down to the values of what you believe like are important in life. And they're usually symbolic, like you put water on some forehead, and it really means like renewal, for instance, right? People have vow renewals, right? in marriages. And that's also like a ritual, right? That solidifies your marriage, like the past and the present, and future and says, moving forward, we're going to be together. Right? So I think it's so amazing that, you know, we are able to create rituals for ourselves. And we have to sometimes, in order to part ways with an old thought, or an old belief system, and step into our new role with confidence and power, and unleash that inner power right within you that's been there all along. It's just tapping into it, right? So, now anthropologists, like for example, Victor Turner, is a famous anthropologist who studied rituals. And

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so he says that rituals have three stages. And they're executed with a lot of symbolism, right? So the three stages are separation, the separation stage, the liminal stage, which is like in between, you're stepping into transitional part in this process, and the reintegration stage like you go back into society or where you were before with this new role and new belief and new thoughts, right. So if you're planning a ritual to assume as new identity and take on new beliefs about yourself as a powerful and confident person You might, you know, enact a separation stage like maybe you sign up for a woman's retreat, you know, you separate yourself, from your family and from society for a weekend or week, then in the liminal stage is where you're in transition, right? So like during the retreat you like, do a lot of reflection about who you were in the past and who you want to be. Right. That's what like, you know, I think that's where a lot of this, like thought work really comes into play this reflection, being aware of your own thoughts. It's in that transitional moment, right, and where you come into your own power, but there's still some thoughts holding you back, but we reflect on it and you work on it, and you process it and process your feelings, right? That's all the transitional stage. And then usually take some time and code, then retreat to get coaching and self coaching or bond with the woman your group, right during this transitional stage. And then, when the retreat is over, you reintegrate yourself back into your world where you were before, but you're now someone who is has a different energy about you, you're committed to the thought that you're amazing and powerful and confident. Right, and it's just like, you have this ritual that just like, solidified everything for you, right? It could be any kind of ritual doesn't have to be retreat, you could go on a camping trip, you can make it at home, you know, where you're like, go into your own room as a separation, and you create, like a ceremony for yourself, right? And then you maybe like, burn the papers of old thoughts, and you create new ones. And then when you come out of that room, you're committed, right? It's just like, it's like, it's really a symbolic and powerful process that brings closure to old thoughts and beliefs, and invites possibilities for new thoughts and beliefs or the future, right. And so a really great example, I've been reading about the law harangue, people we live in Nepal. And they believe and so this book by Charlotte Hardman, who's anthropologist, also, they believe in the power of ritual. And so their lives are filled with rituals, okay, and they believe that humans are filled with this ancestral power. It's called like saya as a y A, and it's saya is an each object in person. So even like a house has saya and it's filled with like, vitality, from the current beings living there, and also from like, the ancestors and the shrine that they have in the house. The house and objects are referred to as if they possessed a consciousness like they were living and breathing things. So saya is everywhere size and plants and animals and trees and houses and in also humans. And I kept reading about the saya and occurred to me that saya is like an energy, you know, from their perspective, and not in like, the Wu sense. Like, from their perspective, it is as fundamental to a person as as breathing, like it's real, it's how they perceive the world works is through the cya that everyone and everything possesses. And they talk a lot

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about raising saya or strengthening it in people. It's like, it's total, like VA, it's total energy for me, like, that's how I read it. And that's how I think that from their perspective, it's like, they talk about rituals, to elevate your energy, like even when you have low saya, it's almost like very similar to depression, you know, so, so these rituals, raise your saya, you know, and they help you vibrate at a different level than before and, and even in some cases, increase your health and all these different things that from their perspective, that's what these rituals do. And I strongly believe that too, that we can learn from them about this. Learn from the locker room people. And so they have this really important ritual called the new Auggie. I may be saying that wrong, but then you AGI which is like the most important ceremony and their entire villages are taken over by the ceremony for two weeks out of a year. And they chant and chant and chant. And it's meant to, you know, raise your saya, right? Like, it's kind of like it's also renewal llv troops, your energy and then start something new and like protect yourself from like, you know, bad spirits and so on and so forth. But so, this new oggy takes place and these chanting takes place during the new Auggie for like two weeks out of a year. And part of that also rituals like they sacrifice an animal but for very specific and functional purposes. I'm not at all advocating to go sacrifice anything. So Pete up, don't come after me. But you know, but it is, you know, I think a lot of times in a lot of different cultures, the sacrificing animal and for very specific reason. It's not like they're just killing for the sake of killing, but it has a lot of symbolic value, like it means something, you know, and so I do want to make sure that we understand from their perspective how important it is to that ritual. That being said, you know, we create our own rituals, and so we Definitely don't have to partake in that. But anyway, it's something that's done for them. This ritual to demarcate the end of an old chapter, and the beginning of a new one, right, just kind of like what I'm talking about here, you know, and when you create that ritual for yourself, it could be a weekend retreat, it could be camping, it could be, you go in your room, it could be, you know, going to an event where you feel cleansed. You know, I think a lot of times these rituals, the whole point of it, like I said, is to shed and part ways with old thoughts, and beliefs about yourself, and step into your new role. And remember those three stages that when you create that ritual, it's got to have that separation stage, you've got to separate yourself from the masses. And you've got to have a liminal stage where you're reflecting the transitional, so you reflect and you kind of still are in the middle of the old and the new. And then you reintegrate, you go back into the world in which you were before and that, but you you're different. Now, you step into your role, you're committed to these new thoughts, this new beliefs. And like and, and like I said before about beliefs, is you just gotta be committed, and you just take that leap, and you believe it before you think you have the results. The results are there, your brain just has to find evidence for it, but it won't find evidence for it until you believe it, right? It's like this, the chicken in the egg, which comes first I'm telling you right now, the belief comes first. Okay, so that's so key, anything you take away from this, just remember, the belief comes from the belief that you were an amazing, you know, person that you are so good at something that comes first before you even think the results are there to show for it. And that also comes first before you, you can start improving on something on a certain skill, you got to believe you're good at it, you're super capable, and you're competent, and all the great things about your relationship with that skill, before you can even start to improve on it cuz you want to have that enjoyable experience, and you want to have results that are everlasting. Right? Alright, so let's review a bit what I talked about. So important, don't believe your brain, your brain is a liar. When it comes to thoughts you have about yourself, it will always find evidence for the negative thoughts or beliefs. In order to believe something, you just have to do it, it's your choice, you believe it before the results come, you believe you can make a lot of money, you believe you make a lot of money before you actually start seeing tangible evidence of the money. It's a different energy put onto the world, when you say I generate as much income as I want, I can make as much money as I want.

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That puts out a totally different energy to the universe than any other type of thought that you may have that is limiting about your ability to make money or your ability to do a new skill, or to improve on something or be the kind of person you want to be right. So believe it first make that commitment to that thought. And like I said before, you can use ladder thoughts or bridge thoughts, but make that commitment to practice something new. Okay. when push comes to shove, it really comes down to Will you bet on yourself. That's what belief means? Will you bet on yourself? Okay, so the second important point is the past doesn't matter. And what I mean by that is you get to redefine yourself and be who you want to be each and every day. And I mean it. I know that I might just get some questions like no, but Oh, like there's always people that think this about me, or, oh, I have like, you know, stuff on social media, or my blog posts are still out there about me or stuff written about me in the past. You know what, you get to decide what you want to think about all that. What do you want to make all that mean? Maybe it's just there. And it means that you get to a point where it's just becomes a neutral, like, Oh, yeah, there's a stuff that people think about me, there's stuff that people write about me. But okay, that's what they want to do. I'm just gonna let that flow through my brain. And I'm gonna focus on the new thought or belief that I'm practicing now I'm focusing on me right now, the past does not matter. Unless you want it to matter and you give attention to it. You decide now, and if that means also severing some ties with people, and from a place of love, like that's okay, too. Sometimes it's necessary, okay? Now, the energy you put out to the world, when you believe in yourself is so different from the energy you put out when you don't, okay? So always think about that, like what energy and my feeling is what you're feeling inside. If you're feeling awkward and insecure, and just like, you know, confused, like I said about, like, when you like when I talk about my fundraising experience, right, like you're doing something you're just like, Oh, this is so awesome. Word, I'm miserable, you know what people are going to pick up on that as well. Okay, cuz that's the energy you're putting out to the world, people will pick up on that, you know. But if you come from a place where you're like, you know, feeling abundant, and just like, confident and powerful, and you believe in what you do, and you believe in who you are, that energy so different people will also pick up on that as well. Okay, so that's the kind of energy that will really motivate you and energize you and create an amazing experience for you, right? Because

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what's the point of life if

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you're just like, you know, kind of slugging through things right to like, work on yourself. That's not even the point. You know, you are amazing as you are as the boys aren't even work on yourself. The point is just to like, to really just like, it's about just that love for yourself and the compassion and the belief and betting on yourself. Bet on you. Okay, prioritize you. Alright, so finally, the last thing I covered was a ritual. So create a ritual for yourself. That includes a separation from your old thoughts, that liminality the transitional phase, where you're bridging between the old and the new and reintegrating to society or to your life, with your new thoughts and beliefs about yourself and stepping into that new role. And just taking that leap first before you see the results. Before you think you see the results, right, step into that role. take that leap. If you believe it, the results will come. If you believe it, the results will come and the rituals just to be there to elevate your energy invite you to own your new thoughts and beliefs. And to just part ways with the old thoughts and just like invite a whole new future for you, to show you that you can be who you want to be today. It's all in your power. It's all there. All right, friends, thank you so much for joining me. I hope to see you next time.