Creating Connection in Families Facing Suicide and Addiction

Episode 188 - Creating Connection in Families Facing Suicide and Addiction

September is Suicide Awareness Month, and in this powerful episode, I’m joined by women I serve with on the board of Connection is the Cure, a nonprofit based in Boise, Idaho. Together, we share real, personal stories of what it’s like to love someone who is struggling—with addiction, with depression, and with thoughts of suicide.

This episode isn’t just about raising awareness—it’s about equipping you with compassion, perspective, and a deeper understanding of what connection really means, especially when it feels hard or uncomfortable.

Whether you’re a parent, sibling, or friend of someone who’s hurting—or you’re the one quietly suffering—this episode is for you.

What You’ll Learn:

• How suicide and addiction affect entire families, not just individuals
• Why connection—real, face-to-face, unconditional connection—is so vital
• What the acronym CARE means and how it helps build lasting, healing relationships
• How to be a safe place for someone who is struggling
• The truth about vulnerability, authenticity, and respecting people who are different from you

Resources Mentioned:

• Connection is the Cure – Our nonprofit dedicated to suicide and addiction awareness and prevention. Visit the website for upcoming events, donation info, and additional resources

If You’re Local to Boise:
We invite you to come to one of our community events. Bring a friend. Make a connection. Help us create a culture where no one has to suffer alone.

If You’re Struggling:
Please don’t do it alone. There are people who care. There are resources that can help. Start by reaching out—whether to a trusted friend, a support group, or a professional. Your life matters.

Tina Gosney is the Family Conflict Coach. She works with parents who have families in conflict to help them become the grounded, confident leaders their family needs.
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Connect with us:

Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/tinagosneycoaching/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tinagosneycoaching

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Tina is certified in family relationships and a trauma informed coach.
Visit tinagosney.com for more information on coaching services.

Transcript

Tina Gosney: 0:01

Speaker. This week's episode comes with a pause. This is a moment to ask yourself, is right now the right time to listen? And if you do, who do you want with you? When you do, we're going to be talking about suicide and addiction. It's not a light conversation. It's raw and real, and it matters much more than we allow ourselves to admit. So please check the show notes first if you are unsure. I'm Tina Gosney, a family conflict coach, and this is coaching your family relationships podcast where we talk about the difficult things that we go through in families. September is suicide awareness month. I'm honored to serve on the board of a nonprofit named connection is the cure. We are working to replace silence and stigma with connection and support. We're helping families bridge the emotional distance that often grows around mental health, addiction and suicide. Now in today's conversation, you'll hear from women that I serve alongside these are fellow board members who have shown up not just with their words, but with their hearts. They're sharing their own personal stories that are not easy to tell, and you'll hear that, but they chose to share them because someone out there, and maybe that person is you, needs to hear that you are not alone. Now, as for me, I'm a mom in an LGBTQ plus family. I have a gay son, a gay son in law and a non binary child. We come from a deeply religious background. When my children came out, the shift that we felt was instant. We went from being a safe family to being a family that other people needed to distance and protect themselves from. We lost friends, we lost family connections, we were no longer seen for who we really were, but for what other people thought and were afraid that we represented. Now I know what it feels like to watch people pull away from fear. I also know the profound healing that comes from people who reach across the gap instead, these are people who offer love without needing answers, and they stay close when it would be easier to step back. Connection is life giving. It is not a luxury. It's a lifeline, especially for families navigating difficult roads, especially for those who feel like they're walking those roads alone. Now, please stay with us until the end. I'm going to offer for you a few reflections and clarify a couple of things that we didn't have time to unpack during the conversation. But for now, let's begin. Now, I want to introduce my guests, and there's three of them today, which I haven't done three guests before. So this is going to be so fun. So we all, like I said, we all labor in the same for the same organization. And so I'm going to have each of my debt my guests introduce themselves. Let's start with September,

September Frogley: 3:03

hello. Thank you for having us today. This is like exciting to be having this conversation with not only fellow neighbors, like you said, but friends. And I'm already starting to get emotional just looking at all of your faces. So my name is September frogley and I am the founder of connection with secure. And connection with secure was founded with a help of hundreds of people and a really amazing inner circle within connection with secure, and felt like the birth of connection and secure happened after I lost my younger brother, Robert to suicide on May 9 of 2021, and just seeing, you know, reflecting on our family's journey, and really feeling like there must Be a better way to do this. There must be a way with more support. So we really have tried to provide that to our community.

Tina Gosney: 4:13

Yeah, connection is the cure. Is the organization that September started. She's such a visionary and so brave to just get out there when she was still in so much pain herself and but it is a local, a local organization to each of us, and I love that it's local. I love that we're just like directly helping the people in this community. Tiffany, let's go to you next. All right.

Tiffany Wheeler: 4:41

Tina, thanks again for having us. We're I'm excited to be here too, and I love you ladies as well. It's fun to see you again. I have worked with September Well, this topic is actually very, very close to my heart. I've had children that have struggled with anxiety and depression, and I myself struggled with some part. Part of depression. So I just really believe in the world of connection and how that can be influential in preventing some of some of these other things. And so I I met September. Well, I've known September for a really long time. And when Robert passed away, she I was helping with some of the funeral arrangements, and I was so impressed with September and her vision that it shouldn't be a shameful thing, but something that, through this experience that she was going through, she could, she could help others. And I just, I loved that, and I from my own past experience, I knew how sharing your story could help others, and I myself have been helped by those sharing their story. And I just really wanted to to get involved with that. And that's so I've, I've been on this train with September for a little while, and it's been a lot of

Tina Gosney: 5:59

fun. Oh, thanks, Tiffany. And you have really been on the train with September. She's like, September's right hand woman, I would say, Okay, so we're going to go to Rebecca next.

Rebecca Thorne: 6:12

Oh, thank you so much, Tina for having me. I'm so grateful to be here and to share a little bit about my story and how I got connected with these beautiful women, and I'm so grateful to share this space with Tiffany in September, and they've taught me so much. I really appreciate this. But, yeah, I joined connection is the cure back, I think it was just after 2021 and how I got involved in it was one of September's really good friends, like approached me, and she knew my story, and she just said, Rebecca, I think this is something that you would really love and that you could be a part of and to help others. And so it just happened to be really good timing for me. You know, part of my grief journey for me has been that desire to help other people who are going through something like this, and I've been able to actually meet with a lot of other mothers who have lost children to suicide in this area. And so it just spoke to me when she mentioned this, and I I reached out to September, and things just went from there. And honestly, this has been a great thing for me to be a part of, because anytime I can have conversations with other mothers, other people in the valley, about mental health and drug addiction, suicide awareness, it's it's healing for me. And I just love hearing what other people you know, their stories and what sort of things they have gone through in any way I can help. I shared my story that's, that's, that's really, honestly something honoring my son and dear to my heart. So I just love being a part of this, and the things we've been able to do have just been big and had a big impact in this area. So that's how I got involved with these wonderful women, and I'm just so grateful to be here and be a part of it. So

Tina Gosney: 8:05

thanks, Rebecca, you add so much heart into connection is the cure. Oh, thank you. This giant warmth. It's just like people are when they're around you, they can just feel it. And I love how you were talking about story, because that was that's been our theme, and what we've been talking a lot about in this last year. And now that I'm talking to you, I'm going to ask you if you could share your story so we get to know a little bit more about your son and about what brought you here.

Unknown: 8:35

Well, yeah, I lost my son, Henson, to suicide six years ago. So back, January 15, 2019 and honestly, that was the hardest day of my life, losing my sweet boy. So yeah, it's difficult to talk about and but let me just tell you a little bit about Henson. Sometimes I forget to share, you know, a lot of the great things about my boy, I want people to know. You know, he was a happy, happy child growing up and loved hanging out with his brothers and sisters, and we just did the typical family fun stuff, vacationing and things with our kids, celebrating holidays and birthdays, and he loved his older brother and was always wanting to have what he had, and following him around everywhere. He's just a really happy young kid. And I would say through discussions that we had with Henson, he shared with us that he started feeling different around the age of 11, where he started feeling the effects of some depression in his life, maybe a little bit of anxiety, super smart kid, a little bit of perfectionism in him. He was involved in soccer. I loved soccer so much, and super proud of him, because he played for one of the top clubs here in the valley, and did really well with that. And that was a joy to watch him play. The guy could eat a hamburger in no time. Loved hamburgers, loved to bowl, and had a goal of scoring over like 200 and he accomplished that with his dad and so proud of that. But I think after a few after, I would say, after a couple years, about around the age of 13, it was getting really difficult for him, and he started sharing with some friends in middle school some of his struggles, and saying things to his friends, like, I just don't know if I can go on. I just, I just feel dark and depressed, and this is hard, and I was fortunate enough that he had really good friends, and these friends started reaching out to me and calling me and letting me know that they were concerned about Henson, and honestly, I didn't know how to process that at the time. I was like, well, thank you so much for calling and letting me know that. And I just was like, Wow, is this really happening? Like I, I, I didn't really know that he was that depressed. He wasn't one to communicate very well as any 13 year old boy, you know, is and I think I just went home and had discussions with my husband on what are we going to do, you know? And as time went on, I think he came up with a plan to take his life, and I wasn't aware of that, and we were again fortunate enough to have one of his best friend's mother call us, and this was like around one or 2am at night and say, Do you know where Henson is? And we were just in shock, and we got up immediately and searched the house, and we found him downstairs in the attempt to take his life, and just shocking for me. And from there, we were really lucky to have good friends in our life, particularly a good friend who was a psychologist, and we immediately called him asking for help and what direction to take. So we were able to get him the next morning into Intermountain hospital, and he stayed there for quite a while. In fact, a nurse told me he broke the record for the longest time in there and as a teenager, which is really hard for a mother to hear, but he was able to get therapy. They started him on medication, and he he struggled with medication. He struggled with the right kind. Broke out in rashes, his tongue swelled, and this was hard for him, being so young. And anyway, after he got released from there, he was transferred down to Utah for about three or four months, and getting help with his schooling, getting help with therapy down there. And unfortunately, you know, with insurance these days, he they said they would stop covering, and we had to get him back home, and he wasn't ready, but we brought him back home, and he did okay for a while, and then Fourth of July slipped again into a dark depression. We were at my daughter's home, and amazingly enough, we were getting ready to go tubing that morning, and he actually called the cops himself and said, I need help. I'm not in a good place, which was just shocking to us, to see that he he knew, you know. And so we were able to get him into a place called Titon peaks over in Idaho Falls. And he spent about four or five months there before he came home again, lots of therapy, lots of family time together, lots of visits there to try and understand what he was going through. He did better at communicating there what he was feeling and going through, with the help of therapists and we did well to communicate to him, getting better at talking with him about what we could do to help him. He eventually came home from there in a lot better place, I would say. And for a while, did really well for about a year. And I feel so blessed that we got that year with him to understand mental illness better and to understand as parents how that looks what we could do to help him. And in 2018 I after Christmas, he just went to a dark place again and had a really big struggle. And I remember going to see his psychiatrist. This was literally, like just four days before he died, and sitting. In that office with him, and we were talking about his medication, and she says, You know, I think we're going to make some changes again. And this was really hard, you know, it's really hard to find the right medication sometimes, and you do go through adjustments and weeks of trying to figure out, Is this the right one? Is it not and that's really hard on your body, and sometimes it can take a long time to figure that out, and we were in that process still, after a year or so, trying to figure it out. I mean, he was just 15. This is hard on a young teens body. And she said, I think we need to try lithium. And as you guys know, lithium is pretty strong stuff. I mean, that's that, that's that was some intense stuff back then, and I he knew that that was a big change, that that meant this, this is this is hard, and I could just feel the hopelessness in him, and he got super quiet. And that drive home was really difficult, and I just had tears screaming down my face on that drive home, because I felt the hope, hopelessness been and that following Tuesday morning, I was out that morning, and I had come back home, I was out with a dear friend, and you know, I just went about my regular routine in the morning and going to get the dog in his room, and I entered his room and stopped my boy and knew he was gone, and just fell to my knees, honestly, and I was really, really fortunate that day to have amazing support at my side. I had a friend that was on a walk and just happened to be coming around the corner, literally right after I'd called 911 and it was right at my doorstep, crying with me and holding me, and then just the floods of friends that came in. In fact, I had the police tell me at one point, well, it looks like you're in good hands, and we don't need these, you know, social workers here, and I'm just so grateful for that, so grateful for that support. But yeah, super, super hard as a mother to process, you know, the whys and the what ifs and all those things that you do after something like that. But, yeah, just trying to navigate that has been, has been quite the journey that, you know, I can talk about later. So anyway, yeah, super hard.

Tina Gosney: 17:44

Don't have words right now. I've heard your story before. I haven't heard that much detail, so I'm sorry. I wish I could reach through the screen right now. Hug you.

Unknown: 17:58

Oh, thank you. It is hard to talk about. It is really hard and really hard to sometimes, you know, relive that day in your mind, here and there. You know, it doesn't go there as much anymore, but it was really hard after and again, I had a great support system, good friend who I mentioned before that was a psychologist that was literally there that day and able to walk through what to do next, where to put myself, what not to look at those, those sorts of things were incredibly helpful during that process, and especially for our Family. So I'm grateful for that support group.

Tina Gosney: 18:42

And I, I know, I'm sure you do too that that's not a coincidence, that your friend that knew exactly what to do was right there at the right time.

Unknown: 18:53

Absolutely, yeah, absolutely. I know it's no coincidence that people have been by my side and involved in my life. Those are the tender mercies that I've seen in my life, for sure, no doubt.

Tina Gosney: 19:07

Yeah, and I, you know, we talk about connection so often that's in the name of the organization, but not just for the person struggling, but like the family, like you're highlighting how important connection was for you at that moment, and, oh, yeah, and even before, I mean, you've talked so much about connection and your story today,

Unknown: 19:32

yes, and that's why I love what September's done, because connection means everything to me, like my friends and that support from people have been what literally has pulled me through my grief and through my story. And I'm so grateful it's so important to you know, be able to sit down face to face and talk with somebody about your story and you. What you've been through. And literally, my friends have been my therapist, like, of course, I have professional people in my life that have helped me, but my friends on a daily basis almost, who have connected with me and said, Hey, we're going to exercise every day now, because now part of that grieving process is the self care and making sure that I'm getting my sleep and dieting and exercising, because those are important. We know that mentally for us to be able to do in your life, so that you feel balanced. And so they've been there through the exercising, and part of that has been the therapeutic talk. I have been very lucky that way, to have ladies around me. So yes, connection with them is so important. Yeah,

Tina Gosney: 20:45

thank you. Thank you for sharing all of that. September, would you mind sharing part of your story with your brother?

Unknown: 20:53

Yes, I think what like Rebecca said, like being able to like, it's hard to never know where to start. You know, because you want people to know the amazing things about them. And really, what I've found is so many people that struggle to this extent are really extraordinary in their abilities and their talents and but I remember, like, telling one of the police officers that, like, notified us of Robert's death. It was just like this really awkward moment sitting on the front porch, and I don't even know what we were doing. I guess he had just told us, and we were just like, kind of waiting, and I just started, like, going in and and telling him, like, how amazing Robert was, and how he was an athlete, and how he was, how intelligent he was, and how, like, I wanted him to know that this wasn't always like. Robert wasn't always like this, you know, like that. He didn't always struggle to that extent and and I think that a lot of people that is like, you know, they want people to know that their loved ones how amazing their loved ones are, and giving them that opportunity to share that. So with that being said, Just Robert was he was extraordinary. He was just a fireball. And I think that when you think of like a light, you think of like palm ray of light. You know it wasn't just the light. He was a fireball, like a little Tasmanian devil fireball. And I, I have two younger brothers, and they're five and six years younger than me, and so they were really, like, my first, like, almost my first kids, you know, I got to, like, even grow up. I got to be there for all of the I remember most of the mile markers in life, you know. And I think Robert always did struggle with a lot of, like, unused energy that was just constantly flowing through him. And so he definitely got labeled as, you know, the wild kid, the kid with ADD before that was, like, all a thing really and or before anyone really knew how to really work with kids that had that much energy. And as he got older and life got bigger, I think that, like Rebecca said, like a lot of those things, around that age of puberty, that 1112, years old, start to really settle in, and that energy becomes starts to be really detrimental to their daily life. And I definitely remember seeing that in him. He was getting in trouble a lot. He was very impulsive and he was very anxious and such a perfectionist. I mean, that was a huge thing that he just could not seem to lay down ever, is that desire to just be perfect. And so through his teenage years, I remember looking back and he did start to experiment with some drugs and alcohol. And I think at the time, I just thought that that was just like a, like a, you know, he was just being a kid or something. But I look back now and I can see that that him, at that young age, was already looking for that relief, so, like, lift some of that pain and aim from his body and his soul And so fast forward again. He, I think the time that he probably was at the most peace was during his mission. He went, he served the mission. There. In Ecuador, and I think during that time, like life was just so much simpler to an extent, like the people of Ecuador lived a much lower pace, like more simple life, like the emphasis wasn't put on, you know, material things, or, you know, anything like that. It was just like so much more simple. And then also the component of just being, being at the service of others, just being able to focus in on these people that his heart was just so big for, and he had such a big heart, and have such a desire to care for others. So he came home from this mission, and I think that was a huge blow. I think that he really longed for that simpler life. I remember he came home around Christmas time, and it was just like jaw dropping, like the the extreme of the way Christmas was being celebrated, and just like he was, he just struggled with that so much. And I think it just showed some of the things that were really hard for him to digest in his heart. So so he went on to go to school and graduated with a degree in teaching. And at that point, he had met his spouse, and they had gotten married and moved back to Tennessee, where she was from, and I think that that distance from his family was really hard on him, and he decided, after teaching for a couple years in inner city school in Memphis, Tennessee, he decided to go back to school and get his nursing degree, and then the plan was to go On to get his nurse anesthetic degree, and nursing was such a good fit for him because he was such a caretaker, and I think it really filled a lot for him, but at the same time, there was so much trauma involved in being a nurse, And he worked at a downtown Hospital in Memphis, Tennessee, and he worked in the PICU, which is like a pediatric intensive care and my mom was a nurse too. And so he would call my mom after his night shift on the way home and just talk to her about, you know, night after night, taking these little bodies down to the more the kids had passed from drowning or getting into their parents drugs, or like it was a lot of he had children of his own, and I think it was just really hard for him to see a lot of These kids being like, passing at the hands of like neglect, really, and I know that that made a huge impact on him, but also his heart went out to the parents too that were struggling. He would mention that often, and as life got bigger and farther along so did just the things that he was struggling with. He had a really tumultuous marriage, and I just think years and years of just feeling alone and never really being able to fill those cracks in himself and that void and that hole, I remember him describing that it got to the point where he did turn to drugs and alcohol again, but this time, from the time in high school till now, it had graduated to another level. And often, I think, Robert never did anything just like the basic of anything. He always had to do everything to an extreme. And that was really awesome when it was something really great, but it it didn't it wasn't different with his drug use. It escalated really, really quickly, and in 2017 he had an attempt on his life, and I think that that's when we, as a family, knew that we had definitely walked into the next level of of what was going on and and really, our eyes were opened, but at that point, we still didn't know. I mean, he was in Tennessee, we were in Idaho. We still didn't know what to do. You know, it was like, how do we support him from afar? And after that, him and his wife divorced, and he was in treatment and went to treatment that was probably his. I. Was my second or third time in treatment up to that point, and he ended up coming back to Idaho, and I naively thought that if we could just get him back to Idaho, we could fix him like I'm a caretaker, I'm a fixer, and I could do it. I could figure it out. While at the same time, you know, raising my five children, and my oldest, at that time, was really starting to just struggle with some anxiety and depression of his own. And I say naively, because I see how little I little control you have. You have an opportunity to be a great influence on people who are struggling, but the actual control that you have is minimal at best, but probably mostly nothing. And so that two years that he was in Idaho was just ups and downs of in and out of treatment, in and out of struggling in and out of psychosis. I mean, his drug use had graduated to a point that he was experiencing all the symptoms and being medicated for schizophrenia. It was, I think that when I thought about drugs and alcohol up to that point, I just thought, like, yeah, people get drunk and then they do really think they do really stupid things that they're embarrassed of the next day. I had no idea the effect that that drug use, like literally steals your soul. And I just remember picking him up after, you know, kind of the beginning of the end. He had had a really bad experience and another attempt on his life, and then was arrested, and I picked him up from jail. You know, 72 hours before that, I was in the hospital downtown St Louis on an overdose with him. That was not a great experience. And obviously it was just all so much, just like a whirlwind. And I just remember picking him up, going to get him from jail, and talking to the bail bond person. I mean, all this stuff is surreal. Like never think you're going to be in this situation. And he had actually left and started walking, and I didn't know that, so I was just looking for him, and I remember seeing him walking and being like, I think that's Robert, but then being like, it was from behind too, so I couldn't even see his face, but not a single one of his mannerisms was existent in his body as he was walking down the street. And I think just pointing that out, because, like, like I said, it just fills your soul. It wasn't him, it was just the shell of him. And so being able to have that experience. And then, like Robert did, he would rally, and he'd be like, Okay, I dug myself down this far. Let's see if I can climb out this like challenge, you know. And from that point, he was able to start moving forward a little bit and go back to his treatment center that he'd been receiving outpatient treatment at brick house recovery, which is so amazing they I often think if only he could have been there sooner. But, you know, you can't, you can't do the What If. But so from that point, he really started to, you know, we thought that maybe this time that treatment was going to be successful. We thought, Okay, this was his rock bottom, which, don't like that anymore, like, I don't like to hear rock bottom because I've just seen like they just get a shovel and keep digging, and it's like that turning point is different for everyone. But I just we had six more weeks with him after that, and I think after that experience, our eyes were truly opened to the pain and the desperation and the hopelessness and my heart actually started to really be softened as I look back, I. At what was really at stake and and think in that six weeks, I think he really prepared us for what was, what was next, in a way, and I don't think that was a conscious thing on his side or our side, but I feel like he really just finally opened up. He was very open. But it was like he opened up to us on this deeper level and really showed us what he was experiencing and what he was going through and how bad things really were. Because I think he just wanted to just to just still put up that front like he was vulnerable, but he still wanted to put up that front that like things were going to be okay. And so I had seen him earlier in the day, on the day that he passed, and he was, he was like, we would get these little moments of him, like truly him, but I know it was exhausting for him, and he gave us that that day, if we got these little this, this moment of his humor, his storytelling, his nickname, giving like he had my kids laughing and it wasn't, it wasn't long enough. It was never long enough. The little moments with him, where he was actually himself, were never long enough. And I remember he got up to go shower. He was, we were at my parents house, and he started to walk up the stairs, and he paused for a minute. And most other days when that something like that would happen, I would say, Stay Don't go yet. Just stay with us. And that day, because I think I knew how painful it was and how hard it was for him to keep up that face and appearance. I didn't say it that day. And I feel like that was like a relief to him, because I can't imagine how it made him feel every time that I was like pulling and asking for more from him. But that that evening, we sat down to dinner. It was Mother's Day, and we all sat down to dinner, and my husband received a text message from him, just telling us, telling us that He loved us, and also informing him, like, you know, some next steps of where we could find him. And so we just went into like, just Doer mode, you know, and just started calling and trying to figure everything out. And a couple hours later, we had the meridian police department come to notify us that they had located him and that he was no longer alive, and like Rebecca said, he just all tears. Everything rushes out of you, and there's so many thoughts, and it's so confusing and but I remember laying down in my room to go to sleep that night, and I had all five of my kids like sleeping on the floor around my bed because no one wanted to leave each other and, um, I just remember praying that I would know what to do next, because it seemed so like, like, it just seemed like you were standing in this place where you had 7 million choices in front of you and you had no idea what to do next. And I just remember having this really impressionable thought that was like, you know, I've got him. Like, you just need to go. Don't worry about him. He's better now. Now you need to turn and go and having that confirmation that I would know what to do next. I mean, things have turned out really different than than what I imagined that night. You know, it's been like a winding path, for sure, and really a winding path of self discovery and like figuring things out within my own heart. And it's, it's this odd feeling of, I can say this now without guilt, but after really, I. Feeling how much pain Robert was in. It was this really odd feeling of total devastation and relief. And I think that that is what every emotion surrounding this experience and and the time that I've had to spend with other people that have experienced it has shown the duality of this life that we live, how we have the capacity to hold space for these totally conflicting emotions within us. And for some reason it makes sense. So it's like every day I think this grief process I've carried with me, parts of that devastation and parts of joy, parts of like watching other people heal that brings so much just hope, you know, and then at the same time, you can still feel hopelessness for the ones that are still struggling, you know. And I think the acceptance, the awareness and the acceptance of that has really changed the way that I look at everything like this experience has changed every single thing in my life, and the way that I look at it. So I have so much gratitude, and I wish that none of this ever happened, because it's been really hard. You know? Yeah,

Tina Gosney: 41:42

thank you so much for sharing that your story is I love hearing about your brother. I love how you both just talked about who they are and just the wonderful things about them, because I think that's so important to remember. And I saw as you were talking September. I don't know if you noticed it, but Rebecca wasn't Rebecca was nodding along with a lot of what you were saying. And I just wrote some of the things down. I noticed when she was nodding. And it was like, when you you think you want to control and you have no control. And that was a big nod from Rebecca,

Unknown: 42:17

yeah, yeah. I was going to say that is one thing that I came to realize so much, is that I don't have control, you know, as a parent, especially you you know, when they're little, you maybe feel like you have a little bit more control, because you're kind of working their schedules and, you know, taking them places, and you have a, you know, set schedule that you're doing. And as they get older, and they get more ideas about what they want to do or where they want to go, and you just realize that you don't have a lot of control of things that happen, and especially things like this, where people have to deal with sickness and illness. And I kind of categorize mental health in that, you know? I mean, it's something that you have to learn to deal with and and it's not always in your control, how that is going to look and how and what to do. I mean, as a parent, I was in such shock about so many things, you know, I mean, you talk about even self harm, and that was shocking for me to run into that with Henson, and the out of control that I felt when I witnessed that. As I picked him up from school, we were trying to integrate him back into the public school system, and just trying to get to back to some normalcy after he had been to his hospital, you know, his hospital stays and and I picked him up, and I just looked at his arms, and they were just slapped. And I just was in shock. And, you know, just trying to figure out what to do, you know, where do I go from here? And I just had so much that I had to learn, and I knew that I just Yeah, I had no control the situation. There were so many things that came into play that I didn't know what to do with so I learned along the way, you know, knowing what I know now, I think I could have turned to a professional and asked how to have that dialog, you know, about talking about that kind of stuff. I definitely had that empathy for him, and knew he was in so much pain, but so hard as a mother to see that and and I did understand that he was in pain, and that's how they, you know, relieve that pain that they're in is by self harming. But, yeah, I was very understand what September's talking about, that you just. Have a lot of control. There's just so much that you don't know and don't know what to do.

Tina Gosney: 45:05

Absolutely, there's no manual. Wait, we don't, they don't come with the manual. Mental health stuff doesn't come with the manual. For so much of what we deal with as parents, with trying to help our kids or our family members that we love. Tiffany, I know you probably have some thoughts that, I'm guessing that you would be so wise to share with us regarding this. Do

Unknown: 45:30

you just I just found myself, thank you. I well, and I, you know, I love both of these women and and I just found myself thinking as they were sharing their stories, just how grateful I am that they've chosen to share their stories because they didn't have to, because it's hard. Every time I know that September or Rebecca shares that story, it brings up those emotions of what they've you've gone through, and you're having to relive it over and over again every time you share that story, but I've seen the people that are helped and that bring healing, because they know that they're not alone by you sharing your stories. And that is powerful. There's so much power in that I know that as I've dealt with things in my own life, it's been people sharing their story and their experiences in their life that have helped me to get through those dark places in my life when I've been there. And the other thing that I found myself thinking as you were sharing was not just sharing your story, and that's what's so beautiful, is you're sharing Robert's story, sharing Henson story, you're sharing their stories that they aren't here to share, but that I know that they would want to be shared, because they would want others to know how you know where to go from here, what those next steps are and and even seeing just what loved ones go through when they are, when they do lose someone. And I just, I just commend both of you women. You're just amazing. And I just am so grateful that you do share your stories, because those stories really help. We talk a lot with connections to care about how, how connection doesn't fix anything. Those connections, that friend that showed up, she wasn't able to change anything. Connection doesn't change anything, as far as you know, helping our loved ones come back, or even stopping addiction, and, you know, taking it away that way. But, but What connection does is it it turns on a light. We talk about this a lot about how connection just allows us to see that we're not alone. Allows us to see that that there's other people that are struggling and in that scenario, and it allows us to see, you know, what, what resources are there, and how we can, how we can reach out and find that help. And you, ladies, are incredible examples of that, turning that light on.

Tina Gosney: 47:54

Yeah, absolutely. Thanks, Tiffany. You know, I think it's really hard for people. We are so connected. We don't know that we're so connected, but we all are, whether we realize it or not. And I think it's really hard for people who see someone in a situation like Rebecca or September to to know what to say and to know how to support like, and so sometimes it's easier to not do anything and to pull away and to not reach out. So Rebecca, in September, would you share with us what what did you see people do that really helped? Like, what were some things that helped and what were some things that didn't help, as far as, like, when people reached out, or they didn't reach out, or anything that you type of connection that you received afterwards and still continue to receive, and how what was helpful to you, so that people might have you know when they get to the situation again, or find themselves in this situation that they they have an idea of what they can do that might be helpful, instead of just pulling away. You know, Rebecca, go ahead,

Unknown: 49:17

I right after Henson died, like I expressed before, the amount of support was incredible, and I had friends and family around for weeks. But as we all know, after a few months, people get back to their lives because they have to, and we all do, and you start to feel like you're the only person standing in the room and everybody's walked out, and you're just like, what's next? What do I do? I feel so alone in this, and I'm left with my grief, and Henson's no longer here, like, what's next, you know? And that's really hard. A lot of feelings that come with that. And I think the thing that was really supportive or just so helpful with. Me is just people showing up at my door at the most random times with a loaf of bread. Or, for instance, Henson's birthday was three months after he died, and I had a dear friend show up with the bouquet of birthday balloons on his birthday, and that just meant the world to me. Like, how sweet is that, that she remembered that and just showed up with a bouquet of balloons. And then a year later, what would have been, you know, Henson's graduation day at the high school, I had a group of women show up at my door with a plant and all the high school colors, and the plant was decorated, and, I mean, with the graduation card, like, how thoughtful is that? And that just oh my gosh, that was so heartwarming. So it's remembering those important dates for that person or or for whoever has has passed their birthdays. I also had people that would write letters and send them email to my email of things they remembered about Henson, some of the funny things that he did, some of the experiences they had with him, and I just treasure those. You know, I have a special box in my closet that's dedicated just to Henson, that I have letters from people and just notes that people would write to me and things like that are so supportive. The other thing that was really helpful and just so sweet was Henson's friends. He had amazing friends. And these kids, you know, they were still in high school when this happened. So, you know, these boys, this was traumatic for them, and to talk about that and to be together, I felt like that was an important part of my grieving process, was to be with those boys and to love them and talk to them. And so I decided to have lunches at my house every other week where they could come here and I'd fix some lunch, and we would just laugh and talk. We played games, we did events where, like, we even had slip and slides in our backyard. And I just wanted them to know how much I loved them and loved the support that they were giving me and that they tried to give to Henson and the love that they had for him. And you know, boys have a hard time talking about this stuff when they're in high school. That was not easy for them, but gradually over time, they were able to talk about it more. And to this day, I still have the sweetest relationships with them, and they have been supported. These boys show up on Henson's death day with flowers. They show up on Mother's Day with flowers, which is super hard for me, Mother's Day is not easy, and they just continue to show up with flowers. And you guys, I just have to tell you that just yesterday, as I was thinking about this podcast and thinking about, you know, what I wanted to say, I went to Henson's grave, and it's just like I wanted to have some peace and quiet and just, I don't know, just a moment with them, and I just said hints, and I I love you so much, and I hope you know how proud I am of you, and I hope you know that I'm doing This to share and help your story and tell others. And I got home and talked with my husband about some of this stuff, and as we were talking, the doorbell rang, and I opened the door, and there's this beautiful woman standing with a bouquet of flowers. I don't think that's coincidental. I really don't I think it was another tender mercy and more flowers showing up at my door. Maybe it's just hence and say, Mom, I got I hear you. I love you. I'm here for you. And so, you know this part of my journey, these things have been beautiful things, and that has been my support system. And so I would just say that sometimes it's going to look different for everybody. You know, sometimes the support you need is through medical help, talking to a therapist, talking about this grieving process, and what does that look like? And what can I do again? It's self care. It's, you know, talking to trusted friends. These are the kinds of things that you need to do. I still, even six years later, I still need help. And go through those dips and those valleys and those mountains where I have to pull myself out, and I suffer myself from a lot of depression, and I have to continually keep in mind that I still need help, and I still need support, and I still sometimes have to have medical care and get the help that I need. So anyway, that's my experience of the kind of support that people have shown to me. It's really been

Tina Gosney: 54:55

beautiful. Thank you. Thank you. And I can see people maybe thinking the opposite, like. Like, Oh, I can't remind her that, you know, it's his birthday today, but you're saying that that was actually so meaningful and helpful to

Unknown: 55:07

you. Yeah, anytime people can, I don't know, talk about him, you know, and remember those things about him. To me, that's just so special. I love to hear his name. I love to hear people say his name it. It's kind of, in a way, keeping him alive, you know, a little bit, if that makes sense, yeah, because he was my son, and he was a very dear part of our lives, and for people to just talk about them. Yeah, I'm okay with that. I

Tina Gosney: 55:44

am. Thank you. Thanks for sharing that, because I know that's going to be really helpful to a lot of people that just don't know what to do and don't know how to approach someone who's in that deep grief. It's so hard to know what the right thing and you don't want to make the grief. You don't want to, you know, make it bigger for them. You just want to help, but you don't know how to do that. So I think that that really helps. Rebecca, thank you, September. What do you do? You agree like, is it helpful for you when people you know talk about Robert and remind you of things about him? And do you have anything else that was helpful for you that people have done,

Unknown: 56:22

yeah, I think you mentioning, like, the silence, like, you know, how, how I do think, and this is different for everyone, but I feel, like for myself, like, you know what Rebecca has just shared for so many people that I've talked to, like, Something is just so much better than nothing, because I think that there's so much stigma and shame that surrounds death by suicide that sometimes, for me, the silence was taken as almost like disapproval or like, I don't know, it's hard to explain, but I Guess it's just, I think that even when you don't know what to say, even when you're searching for those words, and there really are no words, I mean, if you're if you're going to talk to someone, you can know that, like, whatever you're going to say or be there, it's not going to, like, feel it and make it better, you know. So don't put that pressure on yourself. Um, so something is just is better than nothing, I think for sure, and I think one really big thing that I would just ask of, I mean, everyone before they experience something like this, or someone close to them experiences something like this, but just having a little bit of background and education on why people become addicted to drugs, why people die by suicide, I think that if we can understand the why behind the addiction and the death that that happens, we're able to understand that it really has nothing to do with most of the stuff that we think it has to do with, and everything to do with things that we've never even thought about. And so being able to like, if you do have an experience where someone close to you loses someone to suicide or addiction or overdose, or is you know, has a child struggling or a loved one struggling with addiction, or, like, really extreme mental health. I just think that being able to educate yourself a little bit on why that happens, that just automatically kills that stigma and shame, and it gives you the ability to just be more empathetic that these are just like real humans trying to fill a void and trying to, you know, just it is deep, but I just think that it gives people the ability to be so much more empathetic, and then it's not like you're going to say that The exact right thing, just because you have that like knowledge. But I think that your energy that you're giving to that other person that is is in that grief will be felt like you don't need to know exactly what to say, like your heart will be in the right place. Your energy will be in the right place, and that exchange will be so much more like, organic and natural than feeling like you don't know what to say and you're just like, tense and you're like, you know, and that's okay too. I mean, I think we can feel through that as well, like, you know, the intention of that person is there. I definitely think that being able to talk about Robert just is total light for me, when people ask questions about Him, being able to share all the parts of him that made him so amazing. And then also for. Year. I mean, it's been four years, but throughout those four years, I have had so many people reach out to me and share memories that they had of him, things that I knew nothing about, ways that he helped them. So many people from his treatment centers have reached out and just expressed experiences that they had with him, and how often he was right there, struggling too, but he was helping them through their struggles, people that have been able to overcome and heal from, you know, those thoughts of suicide or the addictions that they struggled with, and Robert being an intricate part in that healing process, like people that have shared those stories with me, I think just an even little simple, silly, you know, just silly things that people have shared with me that just made a big impact on them, that has been really, really, really helpful, I think. And then also, I think one really big thing, and I mentioned this earlier, but loss in general is just overwhelming and, and so hard and, and I would never say like one type of loss is harder than another type of loss. They're just all really different in their own ways. That loss by suicide, and I think overdose as well, it is really unique in a sense. There's a lot of parts of it that have a huge impact and for the better and for the worse, like I said earlier, like I will never be the same. I look at the world completely different than I did before, and I think that that is really hard for other loved ones and friends and you know, to see that change in people, and I would just, I think that it would, it would be really helpful for people to just know that, to know that that person that you knew, that lost that loved one, they will never be the same, for better or for worse, though, there will be parts of them that will fade and die with that person, and there will be new parts of them that bloom, and there will be a whole shift in in everything, and just being able to embrace and love that new person in them, you know, and and be there for them and have patience and grace for them, because that has been, I think, a hard a hard thing, like people, you're not the same. I'm like, Well, yeah, we're not supposed to stay the same through any experience. That's why we have experiences. So just that a little bit of patience and Grace goes a long way after a loss and a loss of any kind, but definitely a loss of suicide.

Tina Gosney: 1:03:11

Well, there's, I know, we're like, out of time. We said we're going to do one hour, and we're like, right there. And there's so many more things, like just what you said right now, I just want to talk to you about so many things so I but I'm not, but I'm not going to, because I think you said it so beautifully that I don't even need to add anything. And maybe another time we can elaborate on some of those beautiful things that you've just said. One thing I do did want to just comment on was, I love how you talked about what a caring, just empathetic person that Robert was, and how he just had this big heart, this big helper energy, want to take him in and love him heart and and Rebecca, Did you say something similar about Hanson, you know, big heart

Unknown: 1:04:04

he did. In fact, he when he was at Teton peaks and Idaho Falls in residential treatment there, I remember one of his therapists saying, this kid has leadership qualities about him, and he is going about around here, helping other kids, and he's amazing. He just had a big heart, and it's like he was empathizing with them and what they were going through. And he was there to say, hey, you know I gotcha, and I get it. And, yeah, I'm having a rough day too. And, oh, this is what I do. And you know that that really shocked me, hearing that like I just thought this kid, like he gets it and he's trying to help other people. So gotta hear September say that, I think, doesn't surprise me when people go through this kind of hard stuff. Often go through the ups and downs mentally like that. They really do get it and have a heart of gold, because they know the heart. So, yeah, it doesn't. It didn't. You know, it was really cool to hear that about Henson. He really did love others and want to help them. He did,

Tina Gosney: 1:05:22

yeah, this world is a harsh place. It's harsh to live here, and when you've got that soft heart, it just is that much harder when you just take in that and you just feel for everybody, and you want to be helpful, and you're just feeling all of that, that is, that is, it's it's a cruel world. It's really hard to to have that superpower and to be able to withstand this hard world. I love how you shared that, Tiffany, I'm going to go to you for a second, because I know you also, even though this is not your personal experience, I know you have a lot of wisdom, and I'm if you, but you also have kids that have struggled, and you've struggled, and you and I are the same in that. Would you what would you say to someone you know they have a loved one that's struggling and really, really difficult situations, anxiety, depression, mental illness? What's something that you would say to someone who's watching their loved one go through the things that we've talked about today?

Unknown: 1:06:34

It's a great question. Thinking back, I have a lot of thoughts going through my mind, and I'll just share the first thought that comes to my mind. And, you know, I think September Becky's, or said it well, that we can't control, and there's really not anything that we can do that, you know, it a lot of it's a choice and a feeling from around their side, and it's their stories as much as it's ours, but we don't have a lot of control there. But I'm reminded about something that happened with my son, who was really struggling. He was about the time he was 14, and I spent a lot of time just praying about how I could reach him. I didn't feel like we were connecting. I didn't feel like he felt my love. And one of the things that I realized I could do was, and I'm not sure how to put this, but one of the things I realized is everybody speaks different love language. Everybody sees and interprets love differently. And even though I was telling him, I love you every morning before he went out the door. That wasn't his love language, and he wasn't hearing it. And as I prayed and sought some inspiration, I just had the impression that I needed to give him a hug every morning before he left for school. And his 14 year old boy

Tina Gosney: 1:07:56

came to my mind, as you said,

Unknown: 1:08:00

for the first week or two, I, like, chased him down the street to give him a hug, and he finally got so embarrassed that his friend saw me coming out the door that he would give me a hug before, but you know, I watched as he felt that love suddenly from me in a way that he wasn't feeling it before. And so that was just the first thought that came to my mind is, is really finding that way to connect in a way that that what's their love language? You know, as as I, as my kids have gotten older and married, and now I have in laws, and it's been interesting to me to find what their love languages, so that I can connect there as well, and and we all speak different languages, and sometimes it's hard to speak somebody else's language, but that was the first thought. The second thought I had was going back to and you had put this on there to talk about the connection requires care. But I really think that that first C communicating with curiosity. I think so often we go into a situation think we already know the solution, or we already know how we're going to help them, or we already know what they need and what's the best thing for them, and we forget to take the time to go into it with an open heart and open mind, and we forget to go into their curiosity and just listen and just really try to find where they are, what they're thinking and how they're feeling and and just taking time to sit with them in that and Being curious and learning more and asking more questions about, you know, Tina, have an open heart and not be defensive and try to solve it so. And, you know, we can go back to the care later, but, but I think that first one is the one that I've seen with my own kids as being the biggest. Yeah.

Tina Gosney: 1:10:00

Absolutely curiosity and compassion combined, yeah, are like a huge it brings down walls, it dispels shame. It it does like Curiosity can with compassion is, I think it's a superpower you can find, find how to combine those for yourself and for others. Okay, Tiffany, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go through one question, but I'm gonna stay with you first. Okay, so well, we'll end, but I want everyone to answer this question, and we'll go one at a time. Well, I guess it's probably two questions, but I'm gonna combine them. So if someone's feeling hopeless today, we're talking to the person that's feeling hopeless. What do you want them to hear and then anything else you want to leave the listeners with?

Unknown: 1:10:50

First of all, they're not alone. There are so many people in this world that are struggling with like you said, that hopelessness and but we do it individually. We're on our own islands, and I think that as we reach out, don't be afraid to reach out, because that lifeline can be coming from from the place that you would least expect. Yeah.

Tina Gosney: 1:11:16

Thank you, beautiful Rebecca. Yeah, I would someone's feeling hopeless. What do you want them to hear? And then anything else you want to leave with us?

Unknown: 1:11:26

I would say. I would let them know that you are loved, that somebody loves you and cares about you. Many people love you and care about you, and also that there is a place for them in this world, you know, when you're dealing with mental illness and depression and anxiety and maybe drug addiction that you just don't feel like you fit, but there is a place for you that there is hope and healing ahead, and that if You look to those that can help you professionally in your circle, that you can get better and that you can find a place for yourself here in this world. It just saddens me that you know even my family is still struggling, you know, with mental health, and I constantly am telling my kids, I am here for you, and I accept you no matter what, and there is a place for you. And let's talk about it. And let's talk about those feelings and the struggles with fitting in in certain areas of life, you know, whether that's church or work or friends. Let's talk about that. Let's navigate that. Let's figure out a way to make that better. And you know, and that's why connection has been important to me. You know, we all need a connection in those areas of our life, where we can feel a part of something, where we can I love, love our it's part of our motto, is feeling seen and valued and heard, and if we can feel that, then we do get hope in our lives, and it helps us to move forward with knowing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And so that's what I would tell others that are struggling with something like this, is it's tough. It's a tough world out there.

Tina Gosney: 1:13:21

Thank you. Thank you so much. Rebecca, okay, September,

Unknown: 1:13:26

so I think through talking to just so many people on these topics that have experienced, have seen others experience, I think one thing that has opened my eyes is and my message to people would be, a lot of times people feel like, if they've tried, like, a lot of the traditional like, like, I've gone to therapy, it didn't help. I did Alcoholics Anonymous. Like, it wasn't I it didn't resonate with me. Like, you know, being able when people have tried multiple things, and then that's when hopelessness really sucked in. I think it's like none of these things are working for me. They work for hundreds of other people. So I must be broken beyond fixing, you know, and just I think that another way that my eyes have been opened is there's so many ways to healing. There's so many different path, and it's you know, combination of those paths that usually are the thing that end up, end up helping someone. So if you are feeling hopeless and you have tried to to reach, you know, to be successful in that healing journey, don't feel like all is lost. Don't and it's, I mean, you can feel like that. You will feel like that. It's so hard not to feel like that, but just knowing that it is so important for you to stay, to find your path, so that then you can turn. Help other people find fires. And I think that that is, there is a path for you, regardless of anything else. So say, to find that path and just the healing that comes with helping other people find it as well. And I think you just someone way wiser than me, um, told me this, and it's just stuck with me. But like we are called we like we are human beings. You know, we are here to be like but we have turned ourselves into human doers, and we're constantly trying to do. And I think that when we're moving so fast all the time, it's almost impossible for us to find that true path to healing, because we're always doing and we're never still enough to to let that come in, and so taking that time to just be I think, gives us that opportunity to find that way to the well, that's going to be the best for us, an individual to us. And then I think just one thing that I want to just say, and this is so hard because there's no quick way to say it, but I'm going to try my best. I knew in that moment that I talked about earlier, laying in bed that night, that I was going to have some work to do, and I didn't know how that was going to look, and I didn't know how I was going to do it by myself. You know, I I put that in air quotes, because, like, you know, in the moment, that's what I was thinking, how am I going to do all this? And I just look at, I mean, the three of you on the screen and the hundreds of other people that have made connection as the cure possible. And I think sometimes we think when we start out to make a change about something we feel passionate about, that it's too overwhelming to start but knowing how many people will end up being by your side to contribute their individual experiences and their strengths, one of the hardest, but most, I don't want to say rewarding. I don't really know what the word for it is, but is the opportunity that I've had to talk to so many parents that have lost children to suicide, so many sisters that have lost siblings, so many. You know, in every capacity, having those conversations, and then being able to know that Rebecca is willing to have, like, a personal conversation with those parents, and then getting to hear back from those parents afterwards about it being so many of their first opportunity to see that there is hope in the future. You can't put a price on that, and I wouldn't be able to do that, because I have not lost a child, you know. And seeing those little intricate details like Tiffany and I have often referred to connection of the cure as this, like train, like chugging down the track. And without Tiffany, that train wouldn't have wheels anymore. It would be out of coal to fuel it. The conductor would have fallen asleep a handful of times. And you know, one of the things that has changed the most for me is like, my capacity to do like I have not gained that capacity to do back to what it was before all of this happened. And not only has she been able to do all that, but the heart that she puts into it as well, and the passion that she puts into it as well, like that. That's like an unstoppable combination, you know, her heart and her abilities, and then being able to like Tina we like it's just like you said earlier, there's no coincidences when it comes to this work. And just, you know, going back to, like, how, how you were plucked and placed, you know, like with your connection to Angela Sasser, and just, you know, I look at the things that you bring and have to offer, and it's, it's unique that no one else could so I think that is the message of connection, is that we think so often that we have to do these things alone, and if we just take a moment to be and look around us, we can see that there is so many people that are placed in our lives to. Carry out the things that we can't do and we definitely can't do alone. So I'm so thankful for every single one of those hundreds of people that have been behind this. So if there is something that you feel passionately about, this is a message for people listening. If there's something that you feel passionately about, move on it. Just do it. Don't doubt it, don't overthink it, just do it, and the right people are going to be there to keep it moving forward. So sorry, that was long, but there is no short way to say it. Thank

Tina Gosney: 1:20:34

you for taking the time,

Unknown: 1:20:36

because that was worth that beautiful September, yeah, it's beautiful. That was beautiful. September. So well said, yeah,

Tina Gosney: 1:20:48

thank you, ladies, so much for for sharing your stories, for sharing your wisdom, for for talking about things that are so incredibly difficult and personal and and just for sharing your light with people like I don't know how many people will hear this episode. I hope that it's every person who needs it and who's ready to hear it, but the ones that do, I know that even if it's one person that hears this message, then this is worth this time that we spend together and and more so thank you so much for for your for your words, for your willingness, and for your for your hearts, and share your hearts today.

Unknown: 1:21:30

Thank you, Tina, thank you so much. Thank you, Tina, thanks for having us.

Tina Gosney: 1:21:38

If you've made it this far, thank you. I'm so glad that you're still here. You just listened to some powerful, deeply human, vulnerable stories, stories that remind us that behind every smile, every social media post, every I'm fine, there might be a private battle being fought. We don't walk around with signs around our neck, telling everybody what we're carrying, and that's why connection matters more now than ever. You heard us talk about connection is the cure, which is a nonprofit based right here in Boise. If you are local, then come to one of our events, join us, bring a friend, become a donor, share what we're doing with other people. This work helping people feel less alone and less afraid and more seen, is so needed. You can learn more at connection to secure, idaho.org, you're going to find that link in the show notes here at connection to secure, we say that connection is being seen, heard and valued. But it's not just about receiving that. It's about offering it, especially when someone's story is really different than yours. We use the word care to describe what connection requires. C is for communication. Could also be curiosity and compassion. I like all three of those. It's time to get face to face again. Stop assuming. Start asking. Talk. Listen, lean in with kindness. A is for authenticity. It's easy to get caught up in this curated perfectionism that we all live in, but real connection only happens when we show up as our full, authentic, imperfect selves. As Brene Brown says vulnerability is the birthplace of connection. So be brave, be real. Tell your story to someone who's earned the right to hear it. R is for respect, especially for those who don't think, believe or live like you do. When we stop othering people and start honoring them, we start creating a world that we all want to live in. E is for effort, even small acts matter, one text, one smile, one moment of eye contact. It does not have to be big, but just be intentional. Reach out, let someone in, and if you're struggling right now, I want you to hear this. You are not alone. You matter. You are not a burden. You are a human being in need of care, and that is never something to feel ashamed of. Connection is the cure, and it starts with each one of us, one act, one moment, one person at a time. So let's be those people until next time, take care of yourself and each other.