In the fourth and FINAL session of "Is Sobriety Sexy" with author/coach Rebecca Weller we discuss the beauty and POWER that Bex found on the other side of drinking and how latching onto something that drives you and fulfills you may be the ticket to never turning back.
Part 4. LIFE AFTER LIQUOR is LIVE NOW
You can find Bex and her books at https://sexysobriety.com.au/
Thinking aout getting certified as a Holistic Gut Practitioner, looking for a personal Gut Restoration Program or maybe you want to try our FREE course "How to design a gut health coaching practice," find everything you are looking for at enrollhwca.com
In the fourth and FINAL session of "Is Sobriety Sexy" with author/coach Rebecca Weller we discuss the beauty and POWER that Bex found on the other side of drinking and how latching onto something that drives you and fulfills you may be the ticket to never turning back.
Part 4. LIFE AFTER LIQUOR is LIVE NOW
You can find Bex and her books at https://sexysobriety.com.au/
Thinking aout getting certified as a Holistic Gut Practitioner, looking for a personal Gut Restoration Program or maybe you want to try our FREE course "How to design a gut health coaching practice," find everything you are looking for at enrollhwca.com
What if every experience, every hardship, every obstacle was given to you, not to break you, but to mold you and strengthen you. What if the center of your suffering was actually the key to ultimate health? And what if your own pain was meant to be the catalyst for your greatest purpose? Welcome to bud belly life, empowering purpose, mind to microbiome. When you got to, do you think that, um, when you decided to give up alcohol and I know you said, you know, you, you originally did it like temporarily, um, you know, like, okay, three months here and we'll, um, do you think that when you developed your business or having this new coaching business, this new endeavor, this new entrepreneurship area, um, do you think that that helped you let go of the vice, that was, you were feeding with alcohol, that having so new, do you think you would've been able to do it so well, if you were still in the same, same world with nothing new going on in your life, I
Speaker 2:Think it would've been more difficult. I really think, and this was something, a topic that I explored in my second book up all day, because I found it so fascinating that having a purpose or some sort of passion was really a driving. And, you know, when I first would go to events, I, it helped me to get through especially long boozy events where I was, you know, now I wouldn't stay for that long if I didn't want to, but in the beginning I was still people pleasing. And I was like, oh, I've gotta stay for longer. Everyone expects me to, um, and so when I would go to these things, the thing that would keep me going, having something to look forward to in the morning. So I would say to myself, it's okay, if this is uncomfortable or awkward, you know, you're not drinking tonight, but remember tomorrow morning, we're going to do hula hoop lessons in the park or going to the early morning cinema session or going, I have a coffee
Speaker 1:Date. I love coffee dance. You give alcohol, you at love and coffee date
Speaker 2:Love the coffee days, love the smoothie days.<laugh>, you know, having something fun to look forward to. And this was also like a, on a, in a bigger picture way. I had this as well with, I wanted to, um, explore this business and I was having so much fun with creating this business that actually helped people. And I also of wanted to explore what it was like to have a healthy relationship with a man<laugh> cause, cause my relationships in the past, you know, I was, I was a mess in them really. And I attracted men who were also messy and, and it was just this cycle of never reaching this new level of understanding or clarity. And so, you know, I had this, this partner who was like waiting for me to, to give up alcohol, to be, to be like a, a grown up woman<laugh>. And so I was like, you know, let me explore that as well. And so, you know, having these driving forces and, you know, they were my wise, like I, I really wanted to, um, explore this business and also to, um, to find out more about who I am. And I think having figuring out what your big, why is what your big purpose is or your, um, your reasoning for embarking on a new lifestyle change, it keeps you going through all the tough days, it access this kind of compass or a, a big motivator helping you to focus on the bigger picture. And it helps to provide protection against that addictive voice that says, oh, with what does one matter? You know, one won't hurt or, you know, who will know, or, you know, all these sorts of these, these fears and these, um, addictive, uh, patterns that, that come up are all helped by knowing your reason. And it doesn't really matter what your reason is, as long as you're clear on it. Like whether it's to be a better role model to your kids or to follow your dreams and reach your potential and to floor things that make you happy, or to be a better friend or wife or mother, just putting enough, uh, thought into it, where it's tied to emotion, you know, for our subconscious to place, meaning on something, it, we need to drill down into the actual why. So for example, I want to lend lose to 10 pounds is not motivating enough. You sort of need to dig below that of like, but why do you wanna lose 10 kilos or 10 pounds? Is it to experience greater intimacy with your partner? Is it to be able to run around with your kids? Is it be able to feel confident in some new sport or activity that thrills you like going deeper and keeping asking why? So when you're looking at stopping drinking as well, like figuring out why, like what, what could be my motivator, my purpose, like where could I find more passionate and fun in life? Mm-hmm
Speaker 1:<affirmative> mm-hmm<affirmative> I, I love that you say that, um, I wanna share something. Can I share something? Absolutely. It's a, it's a belief of mine and, and I'll see what you think about it. So through my self-discovery and all the stuff in my life and people, you know, who know me know a bit about my life, my second book was like my greatest shames. I'll put into a book, I'll send you that you can, there's a few good drinking stories.<laugh>
Speaker 2:I bet.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Um, but through all that, I realized that we all self-medicate easily. There's just different forms and some are more obvious than others. Um, whether it be food, sex, attention, work, and success, alcohol drugs, cetera, we all fill a void. And what I was like, you know, are people really that unhappy and something that I've come to truly believe because I do, I'm a big believer that we were all created for purpose, that we were all created with like a special fire in us to go get something that we're meant to contribute to the world. And it's different. And for some people it's on a stage in front of millions and for others, it's very intimate amongst a couple and it's no greater or less than the other. Right. And I think we're all born with that. Kinda like if you ever seen not, it's not iron it's iron man, is he the one that has the thing that goes in his chest? Oh, did I it's like my kids watch all that Marvel or whatever, you know, it's like, it's this thing. If he does, it's like his power pack and it goes into his chest. Right. Um, and it's like this huge, uh, uh, energy, chemical, you know, thing anyway. Um, but I think that we kind of have this, this whole, where we're missing that thing. We come to this world and that we're meant to go find that, and we seek that, but when we're not seeking it, or we don't find, we're not latching onto things that give us purpose and fulfillment and contribution where we're giving, you know, how good it feels to, you know, help a child that, you know, is doesn't have a parent present or, or give to somebody who's gone through a pain or is sick. Um, you know, we do that and like, it, it feels something that nothing else can fill and it's like right in our chest, you know, and I think we're all born with that void. And when we're not taught to seek to fill that void, when we're not taught that you are born with a void like that for a reason, because you're created for a purpose, then we tend, it's a discomfort that we have all the time by it being empty. And so we go and we fill it with things to numb it and to distract from it. And those things are the destructive things and they don't do it for us. Mm-hmm<affirmative>. And so I feel like what you did is you exemplified, you know, latching onto something that was purposeful, that you had, you know, started growing a passion for, and then you started helping people. And that started giving you this fulfillment. And it started taking place of this void that, you know, alcohol could never have done for you. And you probably never would've found it yes. With the bottle. Right.<laugh>
Speaker 2:Exactly. Exactly. And you, and you don't, and I love the way that you put it. I just had goosebumps because I think that's so true. Like it, we, we, you know, they call, um, alcohol, this disease, like, you know, you feel you, you never feel at ease. And so this is why you sort of chase the chase the next high. And I really resonated with that because I think we do, we really need something. And, you know, it's often said that we dont don't feel true happiness unless we're actively creating something. So whether that is, you know, creating happy activities with your family, whether that is creating a new community or whether that is creating, you know, some way to give back or some other purpose driven thing where we are as humans, we are, uh, built to create things like I either to build things or to, to invent
Speaker 1:Things or contribution. Exactly,
Speaker 2:Exactly. Because it brings us joy. And the more that we help others, the more meaningful our lives feel. And, you know, having that meaning like now I'm so, so, so grateful and happy that I did go all in on the sobriety aspect, because the sense of meaning that my life has as a result is just so much more than I could have ever imagined. And, you know, it's funny where life leads us because I never, you know, a few years ago, I never would've expected this. And some of my old friends and, and family still think it's hilarious. Like you help people to, to not drink. Like you were the biggest drinker.<laugh>
Speaker 1:Exactly. And that's why they trust you. Exactly. They don't trust you because you're, you know, Sally straight edge, you, you know, puts down half her glass of wine and never comes back to it. Like<laugh> who does that?
Speaker 2:Exactly. Gosh, I used to watch people at parties, you know, and be like, are you gonna pick that up again? When are you gonna pick that up again? Oh my gosh. You're just standing up from the type when you're leaving it there<laugh>
Speaker 1:Or they sip it till it gets like, you know, it's Luke warm and like not carbonated any longer. And I'm like, what ways? Exactly. My husband, when he met me, he goes, you are the first person. You are the first person I've ever met, who can drink faster than me.<laugh>. And I was like, cause I don't like things to get cold. I'm very picky about the temperature of something I'm drinking, unless it's water<laugh>. Yes,
Speaker 2:Yes. Oh my gosh. Exactly. And that's what do you know, like this is, it's this unhealthy relationship and obsession because I had a beautiful client once and she had, um, a real, a real, uh, unhealthy relationship with eating, like with comfort eating and stuff. And she would talk to me about the same sort of thing. Like she would go to parties and she would watch what everyone else was eating constantly like, oh, they're gonna eat that. They only took one bite of that cake. Why are they eating the rest of it? And she would be obsessed with it. And I think, you know, there are so many vices in life that we can fall into to, to hide from ourselves. And the, the fact that we feel like we're not being purposeful and have leading meaningful lives. And you know, that those, whether it's even just like social scrolling or binge watching crappy TV or, you know, anything or eating too much sugar, it's a way of coping with something that can never be filled. Like you said, that that whole within, that can never be filled by anything other than giving back and creating and just being lost in the moment. And I think we all have that experience when we're growing up as well of like being completely immersed in something, whether you were coloring a picture or you were creating a Lego house, you know, whatever you were doing, you were so involved doing in it. You were so in the moment. And that's when all of these other addictions fall away. Like you, you, you lose track of time. You just experiencing pure joy in creating something.
Speaker 1:Do you have a desire for fulfillment? That's helping people tap into their own health mentally, emotionally, and physically fire you up. Do you believe in the impact of the gut microbiome on overall wellness, you may be an H WCA coach for more info on our cutting edge health coach trainings visit H w C aco.com. So this has been such a great talk and I do want to, before we wrap up here, I wanna know about your newest book, chameleon effects. Can you give us some of the tidbits or the four 11 about exactly what this is about? I'm very curious, especially as a female. Um,
Speaker 2:Yes. This is all. Tell us about that because you know, I, I, I have a few always come up with new ideas for books, right? Of like, I'm gonna talk about this topic and this topic. And it was funny with this one because I went to, um, do my, my, my love and, and he's also my business partner. And I said, him, these are all my ideas for the books I wanna do next. And he was like, well, I don't think those ones should be next. There's one thing that you have struggled with since you stopped drinking. And I'm like, what? You know, so curious what, and he was like, pleaing. He's like, you're always policing. And so I was like, oh my gosh, he's so right. And I was like, but I don't wanna talk about that. He's like, yeah, well, that's probably a good sign that you probably should. And so this book is all about people pleasing and finding our way back to ourselves as well. And so much in this little book about, um, authentic confidence. And, uh, I share so many of my life, um, experiences and, and examples because I really made a mess of a lot of my relationships and my situations in the past, through people pleasing where I thought I was being a nice person, but you know, what I came to realize is that I was just betraying myself and trying to effectively manipulate the other person's perception of me. Like I was to, to have them think that I was nice and, and a nice person, but in the process, I wasn't being honest. You know, I wasn't being honest and, and I wasn't upholding healthy boundaries. So it's an exploration of that topic because I find it's one that we can often struggle with. And especially when we stop drinking, you know, we often worry about peer are from others. And that all is all driven by peer people pleasing. You know, we want to please others and do what they want us to do rather than being true to ourselves.
Speaker 1:And it probably comes down to, you know, finding that confidence too. Mm-hmm<affirmative>, which I think is probably, especially if you're giving up something like alcohol, um, that's something we need to rebuild.<affirmative> it's not something that comes overnight, especially depending on what kind of things we've done or that we don't know we've done. Yes. Thanks. You gotta, I heard, I, I heard some of my family the other day call it called blackouts blank tape. And it was the first time I had heard that terminology. Maybe I'm just behind. Um, but you know, like blank tape, like someone else has VHS of your night. I know you don't know what's on it.<laugh> such a, and you gotta love those people that like, make sure to get everything dumb you do on camera. Like you're, you're so called friends or family or people like, like, oh, Hey, like they're just pulling out the tape. And then they're like, you know, after the fact, oh, you should see this, see yourself like that night, this CR right.<laugh>. Yeah. But I love you your best.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But I think the self-esteem piece and then like you boundaries, but I think boundaries comes with confidence. Yeah. To be like, Hey, Hey, I, I have, I have affection for you. You know? I like you may. I love you. No,<laugh> yes, exactly. Hey, this isn't about you. This is about me. I'm not gonna drink. You don't need to feel bad. Don't feel uncomfortable, but I'm not gonna go outta my way to make you feel better tonight. You know? Exactly. No, I can't be at that thing. Right. Hi, exactly.
Speaker 2:You sort of like, we're all adults here, you know, you, you are welcome to do your whatever feels good for you. And I have to do what feels good for me and finding those ways as well. Like I think we, I always thought that people would think I was a diva. If I said what I really wanted to do and coming to realize that there's ways to say it where you can like, you know, I love you, but I don't wanna do those things anymore.<laugh> mm-hmm,
Speaker 1:<affirmative> totally. And it's just, it's just me, you know, it's, it's not you, it's part of my growth process. So maybe it comes with getting old.<laugh> all you need to do is go and have six kids. And then people get really used to you saying no, because bet anything so well be this is just been a joy. Um, this is, this is great, you know, in going into 2022, um, I think a lot of people need to hear this power. They need to feel like there's a community that they can connect with that, that if they do make those decisions, or even just experiment with giving up substances and stuff, that, that they can have fun, they can be part of a community. They can be part of a world and not even really talk about alcohol all the time. You don't have to talk about your sobriety all the time. You're so busy doing things that are joyful outside of drinking. Mm-hmm<affirmative> um, so thank you for providing that. Can you tell everybody where to find you, um, in 2022? So I'm guessing that this month is going to have plenty of people, um, explore the idea of giving up alcohol for a multitude of reason. Yes. Where can we find your books and your coaching and everything you've got
Speaker 2:Excellent. Well, yes, January 1st is always a biggest day of the year<laugh>. So come on over, you can find us@sexysobriety.com and there's free videos for you to watch there as well. I'm also@becker.com where I've got all of my books and things. Sorry. Yeah. Come on over and say,
Speaker 1:Hi.<laugh> awesome, max. Well, thank you so much. You've been amazing and we will definitely be reading your next book. So thank
Speaker 2:You so much for having me.
Speaker 1:Thank you. All right. You guys that does it for these four sessions. If you missed any of them, please back and thank you for joining us on the Budha belly life podcast. Thank you for joining us for another empowering episode of Budha belly life. For more information on gut health and mindset, resources, visit Budha belly,
Speaker 3:Life.com and remember heal yourself and then empower others to do the same.