Start in the Middle

Midlife Power: Rediscover Yourself with Kristi Falany

• Kristi Ballard Falany • Episode 108

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Ever feel like being a woman around the 45-50 year mark is clouded with unspoken struggles? You're not alone. As a trauma-informed certified life coach, I, Kristi Falany, tackle the daunting realities of menopause, feelings of loneliness, and that persistent sense of 'not enough' that many of us endure. We're in this together, and I invite you to follow along on my Instagram and Facebook accounts. 

Ready to take control and forge your own path through life's middle years? My tailored Midlife Rediscovery Program is a twelve-week journey created with you in mind. This transformative program comprises three phases: Discovery, Decision, and Design. It's all about helping you reclaim your identity, reignite your passion, and overcome midlife challenges. Don't just take my word for it; my clients are already feeling the benefits of this intimate program and rediscovering the woman they were meant to be. So, let's change your perspective on life's middle years.. Let's get real and do some 'Real Talk'.

Thanks for listening. Follow me in Facebook and Instagram.

Kristi:

Hi, I am Kristy Ballard Fellini. I am a certified life coach who found herself at 42, freshly divorced kids off to college and having never dated in my adult life. I was starting in the middle. If you haven't yet hit start on your middle time in life, let's do it together. Let the journey begin. Hello, hello, my friends, I hope that you are having an amazing week. I am Kristy Fellini. I am the host of Start in the Middle. I am a trauma-informed certified life coach and I love what I do. I want to share with you what an amazing week this has been.

Kristi:

Earlier this week, I hosted my very first ever in-person life coaching event. It's called Empowering Women Coffee and Connections, and 14 women came on our first time out of the gate. And I tell you what I was just overjoyed and it really tells me something. It really tells me that we women are looking for connection. It tells me that we are looking for companionship in the form of friendships and that we are really craving those types of relationships in our lives. And I was just so excited to be there, to experience these 14 different women, to get to know them on a deeper level and to just be able to provide for them this space, this safe space where we feel heard, where we feel connected, where we feel a sisterhood of knowing that there are other women out there who are very like-minded and who are just seeking friendships and relationships on a closer level, and so I cannot wait to see where this is going to go. If you are here locally, we would love to have you. So please continue to follow both my Instagram page and my Facebook page, because we are planning to do this on a monthly basis. We're planning to get together every second Wednesday of the month.

Kristi:

The location that we were at we already grew out of. We were at a local coffee shop and, like I said, there were too many women and not enough seats. We had to pull some seats in from the actual coffee bar into the room in order to be able to safely have each person have their own spot, their own space, and so that feels pretty good. It feels pretty dang good to have touched that many lives that day that we already grew out of our space, and we are looking for a new space that would accommodate that many and more, because the feedback that I've gotten so far is that there's already women who have been reaching out saying hey, I want to be at the next one, please make sure you have me on your mailing list. And so I do anticipate that, unfortunately, that space won't hold us anymore, and that's pretty exciting, so, okay, another disclaimer If you think you hear snoring, you do.

Kristi:

I have my buddy, frank, sitting on my chair right behind me, and so he and he is a loud snorer. And so, if you hear snoring, yes, you do. And hey, if you want to see a picture of my guy, you need to visit my Instagram page and just kind of look through, because he's a cute little thing. I love him. So, anyway, yeah, if you hear snoring, it definitely is snoring, all right, okay, so let's get down to some business, and I want to do some real talk today.

Kristi:

I know that I do real talk all of the time, and I love to offer, you know, different perspectives on the ways that we could be thinking that is holding us back in different ways, in which the patterns that we have adopted throughout our lifespan could no longer be serving us, and I'd love to be able to offer you, you know, different opportunities for a different thought perspective and certainly different ways that you can level up your life, and so, yes, I do talk real talk all of the time. But what I want to talk about today is the kind of talk about the things that we as women over 50, that we think but we rarely say okay. So the kind of talk that we don't even feel comfortable talking about with even our closest friendships, because we're afraid that we're the only ones that are feeling it. I mean, it feels so raw and visceral, but we tell ourselves that we shouldn't be feeling this way. Or for sure, if we tell others that they for sure are going to judge us if we share it. Okay. So that's what I'm talking about when I say real talk, because I want to talk to you about the changes that begin to happen just around that 45 to 50 year mark that have us feeling like things are so challenging that we end up feeling lost, lonely, stuck, confused, don't know where to go, that we're not even sure if there's a way out or where we can go to get the help. Okay, buckle in, are you ready for it? So I'm going to share with you some of the changes that we go through, right alongside Mother Nature's super whammy menopause okay. So changes that we go through along with the changes of menopause. Okay, so what I want you to do is I want you to count on your fingers how many of these that I tell you that you identify with. How many are you currently feeling or have felt in the last couple of years? You ready, so you're going to count how many of these you can identify with? Comparison Everyone else seems like they've got their life together at this point.

Kristi:

What's wrong with me? Self-esteem I'm not as pretty as I once was. My body is changing. I can't compete, and maybe this one you've been carrying around for as long as you can remember, and now that you hit your 50s, it feels even more real, since it feels like your body is being controlled by menopause. Maybe it's. I feel like I lost a part of who I was supposed to be once I became a parent, and now that they are gone, I don't even know who I'm supposed to be anymore. Or even if you're not a mother, I had big dreams for myself. It's too late for them now. Maybe you've been through a divorce and you struggle with how do I even navigate this new reality? Or I was too busy taking care of everyone else that I didn't take care of myself. Maybe it's my kids are off doing their own thing and I feel left behind and left out and the biggest struggle of all I feel so unhappy all of the time, but I just can't figure out why. You see, these are the exact reasons why I created my new program, and I want to share that with you today.

Kristi:

So remember last week when I talked to you about the difference between reinvention and rediscovery. Remember that I said a reinvention is where you have decided. When you say you want to reinvent yourself, remember that reinvention means a complete tear down, a complete Overhaul, and so what that means is that you're telling yourself none of the parts of you are good and you want to tear everything down and start a new Right. And in the problem with that is that already your brain is thinking that's so hard, that's gonna be so hard, we can't do that right. And so remember that I had suggested to you rather than a reinvention, how about a re discovery? Okay, so a rediscovery means that you're simply looking within and you're identifying the things that you like about yourself, you're identifying the things that you want more of, and you're also identifying the things that you maybe don't like and the things that maybe you want to change. So it's not a complete overhaul which will tell your brain oh my gosh, it's too much, we can do it Right.

Kristi:

But a rediscovery means that you are going inside and you are acknowledging and loving the parts of you that you know are already working, and then tweaking or changing the things that you don't love or that you want less of, in order to make your life way more enjoyable, in order to bring back the happy and the fun in your life, in order for you to be able to Love and enjoy your life way more than you do now, okay. In order for you to be able to wake up every single day looking forward to the gifts and the treasures that the day has for you, versus the first thoughts popping into your head of negativity, of how am I gonna get through this day, okay. So that is why I am recommending to you a rediscovery rather than a reinvention, and this is exactly what my brand new twelve week program is centered around. It's called midlife rediscovery. So here's what's inside my new program. Here's what it looks like.

Kristi:

So it's a twelve week program where you and I are working together one on one. Now you may be asking why one on one instead of a group? Okay, in a group you're not gonna get the personal attention that you need. In a group, you would receive the nuts and bolts of the program, but it wouldn't be tailored specifically around your needs. You see, when you work with me one on one In this program, it's based on your personal goals, your dreams and your desires for the lasting changes that you desperately want in your life.

Kristi:

It is a super high touch program in which you have access to me even between sessions, so if a problem arises and you sure could use an unbiased opinion on it you don't have to wait an entire week in order to get the help that you need. You don't have to feel like you're, you know, needing to chat with your girlfriends, who your girlfriend is just going to agree with you Okay, because she loves you where, as with me, I'm gonna show you the truth and I'm gonna show you a different perspective from what you could possibly be thinking on that particular situation. It's not a set of videos that you're buying, that you watch and you do the worksheets with zero accountability. It's you and I working side by side in real time, getting you the lasting results. So let's talk about what's inside the program, because what I have designed is so unique in the fact that it is specifically geared towards you that it's gonna be a no brainer, okay.

Kristi:

So what I've designed are three unique phases. Okay, they are discovery, decision and design. Okay. So in the discovery phase, this is where you're going to set some goals. You're going to again think about what it is that you love about yourself and what goals do we need to set for those things that you want to change. Okay, you're going to rediscover the woman that you were meant to be and I'm going to prove to you that there is nothing wrong with you. You are worthy and you deserve to be happy. The second phase, the decision phase this is where you decide where it is that you want to be in the future and what decisions do you need to make in order for you to get there, and also look at the decisions that you're currently not making, which is exactly why you are feeling like you're unhappy and you don't know why. Okay, the last phase is design. This is where we're going to rebuild and redesign your life, completely without shame and completely without guilt the feedback that I have already gotten from my clients who are going through this 12-week program has just been phenomenal. They are enjoying looking back into who it was that they thought that they were supposed to be at this point in their life. They're no longer looking at it as a point of dread in well, I didn't achieve that and so maybe it's not for me. So they are loving the fact that we are getting to rediscover who it is at this point in their life and to create some lasting changes in order for them again to feel like they are finding themselves again, versus feeling lost and stuck. All right, and I want to tell you do you know who this program is for?

Kristi:

When I designed this program, I had 42-year-old Christie in mind. 42-year-old Christie who was at a crossroads, who had no idea what was next for her, because she was looking at a divorce after being married for 21 years. She was looking at empty nest. She was looking at a complete change in the lifestyle that she once knew and she was scared. She didn't know what was around the corner for her next. She didn't know what life was going to look like in the future. She didn't understand at that point that betrayal in a marriage had nothing to do with her and her self-esteem and how she looked at herself, feeling as if she was unlovable or unworthy.

Kristi:

You see, at 42, when I was going through all of these different things, I was trying all of the things I read my Bible to try to discover who it was that God said that I was. I read every self-help book that I could get my hands on to try to help me figure out how it was that after 21 years I could be happy again and I could be happy with myself and that I would finally feel happy with myself. But it really wasn't until I took those things and I brought in the coaching piece. Okay, Because I quickly discovered that the coaching part was what I was missing, because I can read in my Bible and do all of the Bible studies that tell me what my identity as being a Christian woman should be and I can read all of the books that would help me to improve my life. But if I don't know how my current mindset is keeping me from the jewels, I'm going to be happy with myself of those things the bible studies, the self help books if I don't know how my current patterns Are affecting me and how they are keeping me from those jewels of wisdom, then none of those things are going to create lasting changes for me.

Kristi:

It wasn't until I discovered that coaching was the piece that I was missing, that my brain is much as it loves me and wants to protect me, doesn't always tell me the truth, and that there are other perspectives when dealing with a specific circumstance, versus just the one that I have been thinking over and over again, because I didn't know any better and because I didn't understand how much I needed to heal from my past in order to be able to love who I was and create a life that I loved moving forward. This is exactly what coaching does. It bridges the gap between Reading about who you were meant to be and supposed to be and actually creating her for yourself. It's also for the woman who is ready for more in her life, you see, because we were called to live life Abundantly. It's not selfish to want more from your life, and maybe you have been longing for something, but you don't know what it would look like for you.

Kristi:

So let's read, discover it together, you see, because so many women get to this point in their lives and they're so unhappy and everything looks fine on the outside. You know their kids are off to amazing colleges, you know they're empty nesters and now they have this free time to spend with their spouses and it looks perfect from the outside, but she's unhappy and just can't figure out why. So I want to bring you back to the challenge that I gave you at the top of the call. What was your count from the top of the show when I asked you how many of those problems that you identified with? You see, because even if you answered just one, that is your sign that this program is for you, because any one of those that I listed can have you feeling lost and confused and feeling alone. That was my entire reasoning for wanting to work with midlife women, because I know exactly how that feels and you were not meant to do life alone and you were certainly not meant to feel like you are alone in this world.

Kristi:

So I ask you, are you ready, are you ready to book your discovery call? So I challenge you go straight to my website. Hit, pause, hit, stop. Go straight to my website. Christie philani coaching dot com. That's k? R I s t I f as in frank a l a n y coaching dot com. Click on the work with me page and book your free re discovery call today. Y'all, I look forward to hearing from you. If you have any questions about this brand new program, and if it is for you, I encourage you, reach out to me and let's talk. You guys have a great week. Who is your life coach? I would love the opportunity to work with you as you are rediscovering the woman you were meant to be. Visit christie ballard philani dot com for more information on how we can work together to ignite that passionate, enthusiastic woman who may have been tucked away for some time. Let's start in the middle together.