Start in the Middle

The Power of Life Lessons with Ben Pugh and Kristi Falany

• Kristi Ballard Falany

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What if the most transformative experiences in your life were born out of the moments you'd rather forget, or laugh off? Join us in this lively conversation with former High School Principal, Ben Pugh, who shares his journey to becoming a life coach. Ben brings humor, honesty, and powerful insights from his past, including an almost-catastrophic bus incident at age 13, which turned into a life lesson.

As we dive deeper into the conversation, we explore how trauma - both personal and generational - shapes our present and future selves. Along with Ben, we uncover ways to disagree respectfully, an art that can positively impact our relationships and everyday conversations. Learn how to break the cycle of trauma, harness life lessons, and build the future you want to live. It's not about erasing the past, but rather embracing it and using it as a catalyst for change.

The episode concludes with a discussion on the influential role parents play in shaping their children's worldview. Hear Ben's thoughtful insights from his Impact Parenting Course, and the transformation he brings about through his one-on-one coaching sessions for teenagers.  So, embark on this journey of self-discovery, healing, and transformation with us. It's time to face the past, embrace the present, and shape the future.

Connect with Ben:
https://benpugh.mykajabi.com/trial
https://benpughcoaching.com/training

Connect with Kristi:
kristifalanycoaching.com

Thanks for listening. Follow me in Facebook and Instagram.

Speaker 1:

Hey y'all, welcome back to the podcast. Today. I have a very special treat for you. I have my friend, Ben Pugh on the podcast today and you're gonna get the opportunity to just kinda listen in on this super fun conversation that we had. He is such a delight to chat with. He shared with me so many different stories about his coaching journey, about his career and how it was that he went from being a high school principal to being a life coach, and you know what? He's even gonna share this story with you about how he almost set a school bus on fire. So I hope that you enjoy this conversation and, as always, if you have questions about myself as a life coach or Ben as a life coach, be sure to look in to the show notes, because all of his information will be there and you can always reach out to me at christyfulenicoachingcom. Y'all enjoy this conversation.

Speaker 2:

To chill on dude.

Speaker 1:

Very good, I, yeah. So again, I just really appreciate, you know, you putting this out into the universe and because when I first came across, you was actually last year at Mastermind and there were like so many things that you spoke on that like really connected with me. You know, because I too was a teacher and I took my principal certification but I really decided, yeah, I just don't want that, I just don't want that much. You know what I mean. Yeah, so, like teaching for me, I did it for 13 years before I decided to make this my full-time gig and there were parts about it that I loved, there were parts about it that I didn't love, and so, thinking about becoming a principal, I was like, yeah, I just don't want that much responsibility.

Speaker 2:

Yeah yeah. That's kind of where I'm at right now, like I get offered jobs or opportunities to consult in education and I just am tired of playing by other people's rules. I think we live by a set of rules that were made up generations ago by people who aren't even alive anymore and I'm like why are we still jumping through the same hoops? I wanna like Frank Sinatra. I just I wanna do it my way.

Speaker 1:

Yeah Well, and the other thing too is that education has just taken kind of a weird turn, you know, oh yeah, where the teachers were the experts, you know, and it's just kind of it's not that way anymore and it's really sad, because it's hard to be a teacher.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I'll tell you just so. I was a high school principal for five years. I taught for that's probably 12 years before that, and I started all the way from the bottom up, like I was a substitute for a year, then a teacher's aid, then a tutor, mentor.

Speaker 2:

Education has lost its way because it's lost its identity. It doesn't know for sure who it is, what it is, what its goal or purpose is, and anytime you lose your identity and you don't know what your purpose is, you're gonna be lost, and I feel like that's kind of where education is. They are trying to discipline kids, teach kids, feed kids, clothe kids, teach them social skills. It's really hard to be good at everything and I personally I don't think I'll ever go back into education, but I thought if I started a school, it would have one job and it'd be like an entrepreneurial alternative to traditional school and I just I'd know what my one job was, I'd master that one job and everything else I'd be like no, if you want a uniform, if you want all this other stuff, go to a public school, but if you want to learn entrepreneurial skills, come here. And so that's my two cents on education.

Speaker 1:

I if there's any teachers listening.

Speaker 2:

Hopefully I don't dissuade you too much from being a teacher. Thank you for what you do. I love you, someone needs to do it Just not me anymore, yeah, yeah, I hear you, Okay, so, yeah.

Speaker 1:

So you brought up a little bit about your background, and I'm glad that you did that, because we just jumped right into this conversation and so and we both kind of gave our ideas and our thoughts about where we both were in education. So can you go back and tell us your story?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and just so you know, I am not crying over here. I don't know if I have allergies or what, but since I woke up this morning this eyeball has been super sensitive, so I guess you won't know if I'm crying or not.

Speaker 1:

Okay, Allergy. Well, you know, and I tell you what being on start in the middle, it does things to people, oh yeah it's that energy.

Speaker 2:

I just listened to that episode of yours where you talked about energy. Early, good episode, thank you. So let's start back when I was like 13 years old, which y'all know that I grew up to be a high school principal, so hopefully it doesn't bother you that you kind of started at the end of my story. But when I was 13, I struggled making good decisions, I struggled making good friends and at the ripe old age of 13, that was the first time that I got suspended from school, the first time of many times, actually, and this particular time one of my friends had stolen a bottle of rubber cement. I don't know why, when I was a kid and other 40-some-odd-year-old people, like, when I tell the story, they're like yes, I remember that, but when I was a kid we used to always use rubber cement in school. I don't know why.

Speaker 2:

Like we'd paste stuff together, we'd paste our hand and then like pull it off and it looked like dead skin.

Speaker 2:

So, but my friend had stolen a bottle of rubber cement and I had a backpack. And he's like hey, will you hold my bottle of rubber cement? And like a dummy, I agreed to keep his rubber cement. I knew it was stolen and I had felt guilty all day long. Later that day, on the bus ride home, he's like dude, you got my rubber cement. And as I was fishing it out of my backpack, one of my other friends was like hey, I've got a lighter. Let's see what happens if we light that on fire.

Speaker 1:

Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2:

And so, like a dummy, I'm sitting here participating in this activity. I felt guilty the whole time. I knew I shouldn't do it and when he lit that thing on fire, it just burst into flames. It was like and I tried to throw that thing out of the bus window and I completely missed and I sent like I hit this bar between windows, sent flaming rubber cement all over the back of the bus and me and my buddies were in so much trouble the oldest kid who had participated in it he was two years older than us.

Speaker 2:

He got in Utah what's called safe school Like he was kicked out of school for an entire calendar year, which, as a principal like I, refused to safe school kids Like I'm. Like no, there's got to be a better way. Like this kid needs more of me in his life and if I suspend him out of school, like it's stupid. Anyways, I tell the story because, well, there was a time when I was a principal, I had to suspend a young man. He had gotten caught smoking weed in the bathroom and I worked at a tribal, a Native American reservation school, and this young man's dad was a huge mountain of man and he was not very happy that his son had been suspended. And as I'm like breaking the news to his dad, he like reaches over and like smacks his kid, like how many times are you gonna do this? And I'm just watching this interaction happening and I'm like I'm gonna have to position myself between the dad and his son. And he's a big dude, like I might get hurt. And so, as his anger is mounting, I was like hey, time out, let me tell you about the first time that I got suspended. So I told this dad like hey, look, this is the first time I got suspended. I also got suspended for talking too much and stealing and all this other stuff. And by the end of the story he looked over at his son and like nudged him with his elbow and he's like maybe you'll turn out to be a principal someday. Like it brought this hope into his life.

Speaker 2:

And I've realized many times like the reason I was such a good principal and like it sounds like egotistical and prideful to say that, but I think we should own things that we're really good at. Like we took the school from 55% graduation rate to 88% graduation rate. We dropped suspensions from over 200 a year. We were an alternative school. We got like kids that had been kicked out of our surrounding area and we took suspensions from over 200 a year to less than 20 a year. And I can tell you the reason I was so good at what I did was because I let my school bus on fire. It was because I had been in so much trouble and I knew what didn't work. And I knew what did work. And I think a lot of times Like one of the things that I love about your podcast you talk about like wanting change for a long time and finally getting to the point where you're like you know what?

Speaker 2:

I'm tired of being this way. I want to change. The problem is most people they don't realize the difference between wanting to change or wanting to completely erase their past and start over. Yeah, erasing your past isn't an option. Right, we can embrace the past and we can realize, hey, I've had things happen, like you talk about being trauma informed. Like when we can understand, hey, there's these things that have happened. They've created specific responses in me. There is no erasing the past. How do I embrace it? How do I grow from that? Yeah, and how do I help that be part of the most powerful part of who I am?

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm, yes, that, absolutely yes. And that's because a lot of times, especially being a midlife woman, you get to a certain point in your life where you kind of look back and you're like where did the time go? What happened to who I thought I was going to be, who I wanted to be? And then we start looking at our past, right, the different decisions that we made, and some of them we're not proud of, and so we hold on to those more than the. Okay. Well, I can take my past and I can see what the learning parts were, what were the lessons that I learned from it to help me to move forward. And you're right, a lot of times we just want to erase it, we don't want to embrace it and really think about what can I take from it that's going to help me move forward? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:

If you don't mind, I'll share one of my controversial ideas and actually brought someone on my podcast, One of my biggest fans. I love her. She has messaged me for probably the past two or so years. I happened to speak on something on my podcast and she's like bro, I disagree with you. And I was like, let's talk about it together on my podcast. So if we disagree, that's okay. This is what America needs, guys. We need to learn how to disagree with each other better, more respectfully.

Speaker 2:

Anyways, I said something about our triggers and our traumas, that we're responsible for them, and she's like but no, what if someone else did that to us? They're responsible, and I'll tell you why I think this is important. I use my daughter as an example. When she was about three years old, we were at a lake and this dude had a creepy minivan with his dogs in it. I know it's kind of a waste of questions, but one of the windows was partially down and it was down enough that one of his dogs could jump out of the window, and so my daughter was walking down to the lake Like I was carrying kayaks, and she's following a ways behind.

Speaker 2:

Anyways, I hear this scream and I hear this barking and this dog had jumped out of the minivan window and was just barking at my daughter, who was only about three years old at this time, and it just broke my heart because, as I'm running over there to stop the dog, she's yelling please don't like not even yelling. She's pleading with this dog. Please don't hurt me, please don't hurt me, please don't hurt me. I finally get over there and I'm like going to kill this dog if I have to. And the owner of the dog is yelling at my daughter get away from my dog. What's the matter with you? Blah, blah, blah, and I'm like dude. Anyways, yeah, after that event, my daughter was petrified of dogs, like cousins would have sleepovers and she would refuse to sleepover at their house because they had dogs that might come in.

Speaker 2:

Like nice dogs. And I remember one time she asked if she could play at a friend's house and she got to the friend's house and my wife gets a phone call like five minutes later, will you come pick me up? And we're like why, what's going on? Did something happen? No, but they have a dog. And we're like okay, this dog thing is ruining your life.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:

And there is a point where we had to talk with her. Her name's Logan. She's a cute little girl, but we're like Logan, do you wish that you could go to your cousin's houses? Like, how is this impacting your life? And she's like yes, I always get left out. I want I wish I could go to my cousin's house. And so we had to talk with her. We're like what are some things that we could do? And she's like well, I kind of want a dog. And we're like what? You want a dog?

Speaker 2:

And she's like, yeah, I kind of want one, yeah, and I looked on Facebook and there was this really, really cute dog that the person had dropped the price His siblings were going for like $4,000. We picked this for less than a thousand. She's like that's the dog I want. And from the first time she laid eyes on this dog, she's like I'm willing to get over my fear and he was a puppy. I'm willing to help take care of him. I'm willing to take him out and go to the bathroom and the reason this is so powerful she now has her life back. She can go spend the night at her cousin's, she can go play at friends' houses If they have a dog. She now likes dogs. The problem is, what we do with trauma sometimes is we try and give it to someone else, like this person in your life.

Speaker 2:

It's their fault. They created it. They should be the ones to fix it. Well, the problem is like we could blame the dog, we could blame the owner, we could blame me for not holding her hand while I'm carrying the kayak. Sound, we could blame anybody, but no one could heal that trauma for her.

Speaker 2:

And what happens is if we don't take responsibility for the trauma in our lives and it's not saying, like well, this is my fault, like obviously I shouldn't have walked that close to the minivan, no, that's not what we're saying at all. What we're saying is hey, you have the power to be responsible for this being in your life and the results that it creates in your life. And when you take responsibility, you have the power to completely change who you are, how that impacts your life. And when you realize that nothing can hold you back, like you can. I talk to people all the time that want to lose weight and I'm like, yeah, how long have you been trying to lose weight? I don't know. My whole life. It's been a thing my whole life. When you realize, oh, I'm responsible for these parts of it, that's when you finally get the opportunity to create the change that you were looking for so sorry, I talk a lot like this is your own task. Like, totally be like Ben, shut up for a minute.

Speaker 1:

No, it's good because you can see me nodding my head, nodding my head and I'm like yes. So yes, I totally agree with you on this one, you know. I mean because there were things that when I started going through my relationship trauma-informed class, there were so many things that popped up about childhood that I was probably holding onto. I know I was holding onto them and when I actually saw how you can heal yourself from those traumas, oh my gosh, it made such a difference in my world because when I was a kid, I grew up with a parent that was in the Vietnam War and so all of the buffering and all of the things that we do to try to erase that pain was part of my childhood. And so slamming doors anytime there was a slamming door, a cupboard or anything like that it meant anger, that there was anger around you and anything could happen, and so I did not realize how much of that I brought back into my adulthood.

Speaker 1:

And I'm now married to a big kind of burly guy and he's got a lot of back issues from being in the Air Force and working on aircrafts and things like that that it's nothing for him to just kind of push a door closed and it slams and immediately my body goes anger right and then I have to bring myself back into safety. I have to literally tell myself you're safe, it doesn't mean that anymore. And we have that power inside of us. We have that ability to reground ourselves and tell yourself no, you're safe, everything is okay, and bringing breathing into the mix and all of those things. So I am 100% there with you that, yes, we do have that power within us.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and I love what you talked about, like having a dad who served in the Vietnam War. This is what I like to call generational trauma. And so I worked on the Union reservation for gosh, like 11 years, and they would talk about generational trauma and it would rub me the wrong way, cause I'm like, well, no, you just can't pass down emotions and I knew the model like no, your thoughts and feelings, and blah, blah, blah. Yeah, well, the thing is, we do pass down. We pass down our thoughts and beliefs, we pass down our way of emotionally dealing with those.

Speaker 2:

We pass down the habits and patterns and the thing that I'm coming to realize and this is why I believe what I do is so important I coach parents and their teenagers. If we can heal the traumas in your life, they're less likely to pass them down to your children. If I can help you and your teen, like man, we can take two generations. We can heal this trauma and we can completely put a stop to passing down this generational trauma. And we can see this all over in life. Like wealthy families tend to have children who become wealthy and they have children who become wealthy. Obese people tend to have children who become obese, who have children who become obese. Like, there are these generational patterns and this is why it's so important that you you take the time to heal yourself. This is like the best gift ever that you're giving yourself, but it's also the best gift ever that you're giving your children and it doesn't matter how old you are, like if your kids are

Speaker 2:

out of the house, like I don't care. Still heal yourself. Do this process Because, like, if your kids are out of the house, like the patterns I hate to say it guys, this will sound like a downer, but they're already set, like, by the time your kid is about eight to 10 years old. Like you have pretty well wired them for how they're going to speak to themselves, how they're going to feel in certain things. Yeah, but just like you, like I don't know, I'm coaching some people that are dropping their last kids off at college. Like they're in their late 40s. Even at that age, if you heal yourself, your child someday is going to be like Mom.

Speaker 2:

I remember you used to do this one thing, but you don't anymore. How'd you stop? How'd you do it? You're just being the example of what's possible. Like you can have these scars, you can have these wounds and still live an intentional life. And really the most powerful thing I believe that we can do is to be the change that we want to see in others. Like, be that example. When people get super political, I'm always like, just, if you hate the other party, be the change that you wish you saw in them. Right, if you hate your mother-in-law, identify what it is that drives you nuts about her and be the change that you wish you could make happen in her.

Speaker 1:

Yes, oh my gosh, you are so speaking my language, and I love the fact that you brought up that it's never too late, that even if your kids are already off to college, they're already out doing their own adulting thing, that they're still watching you. We think that they're not, because they're off doing their own thing, they're making their own decisions, and even if you offer your advice and they'll say, no, I'm not doing that or what have you, they are still watching you. They're still paying attention. They are paying attention to how you're responding now. They're paying attention to how you're showing up now.

Speaker 1:

And so there is still the possibility of, like you said, making those changes and I almost want to say righting the wrongs, but not so much that you were wrong, because of course, you're a product of what you know and you do what you know. That old saying oh, I can't think of what it is, but anyway, you do the best that you can with what you know, right. And so now that you know better, now that you know differently and you're modeling that and you're showing that in your life, like you said, your kids will say, wow, you used to get really angry over this and now you're not. And they may even ask you what's changed, right, yeah, hey. So I want to ask you how did you get into coaching?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so I was a middle school teacher, so I worked for the tribe for like 11 years. I actually got fired from the tribe twice the first time I caught some kids smoking marijuana. They didn't want to hold the kids responsible, so they blame me.

Speaker 2:

They're like you should have been in the locker room watching them change and I'm like, but then you would have fired me for that, like whatever. So I went and got a job at a traditional public school and I hated it. I did not like it at all. I'm working on the reservation like there were behavior issues, there were problems, but I got it. I'm like, yeah, of course there are, like the community's rough, yeah, there's all this stuff going on. I was working at a traditional public school and these kids had three solid meals every day, had good parents, good families and the behavior. They were so entitled to it. They were so entitled. Anyways, I didn't like it and I remember just feeling lost in my life and one of my friends is like, hey, have you heard of this thing called podcasting? And I'm like, no, it sounds dumb. And anyways, in desperation, I got into podcasting and I found Brooke Castillo's, the Life Coach School podcast, and that was back when there was like just a handful of episodes, like maybe four or five.

Speaker 2:

Like I went to a live event this is my favorite Brooke Castillo story, by the way, because some people have fallen out of love with her and they don't like her as much anymore. But the way that I will always remember Brooke. I went to a live event that only had about 20 people there and, yeah, like I got to hang out with Brooke and like 20 other people and she was selling her certification for only $15,000 at the time and I was like I cannot afford this in my life. Right now I'm a new high school principal and paying off some debt.

Speaker 1:

What year was this?

Speaker 2:

if you don't mind me asking, this would have been probably 2014 or 2015,. Somewhere in there.

Speaker 1:

Okay.

Speaker 2:

But the thing that impressed me the most about her rather than coaching me on buying her program, she identified my desire, my values, and she started coaching me on that. Okay, so you're not going to buy my program? Great, here's like what are you going to do to pay off your debt? What are you going to do to do this? And she started coaching me there and I was so sold Like I thought for sure, it's going to be one of those high pressure Like if you don't buy it now, the price is going up and blah blah, blah, and I was just really impressed with Brooke, but anyway.

Speaker 2:

So I was at a junior high school in a public school. I hated it. I found this podcast. I would go jogging and I quit calling it jogging. I'm like I would tell my wife I'm going to go hang out with this woman and Brooke is to you, you don't know her at all, don't worry about it. And I go jog and I listen to her podcast and, from the very beginning, like the model, understanding that your thoughts create your feelings. I'm the oldest of 15. Me and I've worked on my relationship with my mom. I've done a lot of work and realizing oh, like I have some wounds. But the wounds aren't emotional wounds, the wounds are mental wounds. They're these old, habitual ways of thinking.

Speaker 1:

And.

Speaker 2:

I started applying the model and it changed everything Like a principal position opened up at the school that I got fired from and I was like, dang, I think I could be the principal, I want to apply for that job and all my friends are like, dude, they just fired you from there. There's no way to hire you back.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

The old principal was like Ben, I love you, I've worked with you, I think you're awesome. You're not ready to be a principal. But guess what?

Speaker 2:

I thought I was and every time I thought about it, I felt excited, so I was like I'm going to apply for this thing and, honestly, the reason I was so successful as a principal was understanding the model and life coaching skills and introducing that to my students, to my staff, to anyone who had listened and I knew it was just a matter of time before the tribe would want to move on Like they do this regularly.

Speaker 2:

You do a good job and they're like actually we want to put a tribal person to run this. And I knew that. When my time came to an end, I knew I couldn't go back to education because at the tribe I got to do whatever I wanted and the state of Utah would let me, because they didn't want to fight with the tribe.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

I knew I couldn't go back to traditional education, because so much of what I was doing was the opposite of what traditional education did.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

So when I left the tribe I this is 2019. I knew I'm just starting my life coaching business. I actually turned down a handful of education jobs Like nope, I'm going to try and do this thing and this is what I do.

Speaker 1:

So yeah, that's awesome, that is so cool. Yeah, it was kind of funny how it happened for me, because it was like several different people that I came in contact with Like, okay, let's say, for instance, so at 42, I got divorced after being married for 21 years, and it just so happened that it collided with empty nest, you know. So here I am like completely by myself and, like you said, feeling lost, being confused. Where am I going next, you know, even though I did have my teaching degree. So you know, of course, I was like trying to hodgepodge things together to get it to figure it all out, you know. And so I thought, okay, yes, I want to better myself, I want to grow. What do I want to do? You know what? Let me, let me start running. I'm going to start running.

Speaker 1:

So then I found a running coach and I was like, okay, she's not teaching me how to run, she's like teaching me about the way that I think and my patterns, and blah, blah, blah. So then I said, okay, if I'm going to start running, I probably need to lose some weight. Okay, so I found a weight loss coach and it wasn't, you know, your standard weight watchers, things like that and I thought she's talking about mindset too. What you know? What do these two people have in common? Right, okay, if I'm going to lose some weight, I probably need to slow down on the cocktails. So now you can see the pattern Three different coaches saying the same type of thing, and I'm going where the heck are these people from? Hence, brooke Castillo, because it was Corinne Crabtree, jill Angie and Rachel Hart. So I was like, what are these ladies having in common?

Speaker 1:

So that's how I found the life coach school and then, like you, got totally hooked in on the podcast and and just everything that I was learning about the podcast and how so many things changed for me. You know, because I knew for sure that, you know that I wanted to put in one more year of teaching before I, you know, really dove into my coaching practice. And so I was like, how can I make this the best year? Yet? You know, even though that I know that I've got one foot out the door, how can I make this the best year yet?

Speaker 1:

And I promise you that was the best year that I had ever had, because I completely changed the mindset that I had, even, you know, walking into the door first thing in the morning, I saw those students completely differently. You know, and and just being able to understand. You know, like, where the behavior things were coming from and you know the possibility of you know what is it that they could be thinking that's causing this, and and just you know, being having more empathy for all of the things that you mentioned at the top of the hour, all of those things that each one of those kids walks through the door with. Yeah, and education is probably the last thing on their mind, yeah, so yeah.

Speaker 1:

So that that's how I ended up finding coaching also, and I mean it's just it's changed so much for me, but the cool thing about it is that it's changed all of my other relationships too. Yeah, mm, hmm, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Let me share, share, I don't know. One more story, yeah, about, like when you talked about your last year of teaching was your best, like, having one foot out, like, but still showing up as a teacher? Mm, hmm and I there's more to life coaching than just like the model and a lot of these principles like there's a whole.

Speaker 2:

I think you know this, because some of the things I've heard you talk about, like it sounds like you're into energy, the universe, like laying stuff out for you. But my last year as a principal, I just kept on getting these little nudges, these feelings that, hey, dude, the ride is almost over. And I was a not typical principal, like I believe that. So I hated school when I went to school. So I'm like, how do we make school fun? Like, how can we make it a party with a purpose? So one particular back to school event that we did up in the mountains near the sacred area for the tribe and we'd cook Dutch ovens and we'd invite the parents and we'd go fish, and it was just awesome. Yeah, I got this feeling like, hey, the end is near and start preparing. And I had this burning desire that I wished I could talk to my students at graduation or something and share with them some of these lessons. And just one last thing, anyways, I remember feeling like more than just happy and excited, but like no, this is meant to be. Like the universe is aligning itself right now. With this desire, desire, it became clear that they were going to fire me. Not only were they trying to fire me, but they wanted me to look like Satan himself, like the worst person ever. But the funny thing is that night that I had that kind of intuition, that feeling. I couldn't sleep and I got up at like two or three in the morning and I wrote out this graduation talk that I wanted to share. And then the next Monday at school I showed my or I talked to my counselor about it and I, dude, I would love to speak at graduation. And he was the only person that knew and, as the tribe is like making me look like the worst human being ever, he'd be like dude, there is no way that they will ever have you speak to their children. And that'd be like a Jewish school asking Adolf Hitler to come speak at their graduation, like it would never happen, like that's how bad it was.

Speaker 2:

I kept using my tools, like I knew the woman who was like leading the charts to get me out of there and I was like what do we have in common she cares about? Like I knew she had a daughter that she wanted to come to our school and I was like I care about her daughter too. I want her daughter to have a good school. So when I leave, I'm going to leave this place the best that I can. Anyways, we go through the whole school year and we had paid someone like $3,000 to come speak at graduation. We've done all this stuff the day before graduation. We're like getting all of our last stuff checked off, like who got the cake, who got the balloons? What about the speaker?

Speaker 1:

Do we have?

Speaker 2:

the hotel. Do we have everything ready? And the lady just her face turned white and she's like he took our money and he's not coming. And everyone's like what? And the superintendent the lady responsible for getting me out of there turned to me and she's like Mr Pew, you're going to have to speak to graduation and my counselor's job like hit the table. He's like what, how did this happen? I took him into my office. I'm like dude, look at this. I opened that document and it said last edited nine months ago on this date. I'm like I haven't even like done anything with it. The last cool thing that I want to share I'd been fired by this point.

Speaker 2:

It was in the middle of the winter. The girls basketball team was playing for the state charter league championship and I went out to the city to watch their games. I went to dinner with them and there's this younger girl there who was super cool. She'd laugh at all my dumbest jokes. We just really connected. And afterwards I asked one of my old teachers I'm like this girl seems awesome. Who is she? And he's like oh, you don't know. She's the daughter of the person who ousted you.

Speaker 2:

And the thing that in my mind made sense was the last few months that I was a teacher. Like there's this woman. She would come over to our school and I'd just get into this nervous fight or flight energy and I didn't like it. So I would shift my attention and I'd be like no, I'm building this school for her daughter and she doesn't know it. Like she can hate me all she wants, but I have a purpose. And like I didn't even know her daughter, I just knew that she had a daughter and that she wanted her to come to the school. And when I would do stuff I'd be like this is for her daughter, like I want to leave things as amazing as I can for that girl, for the next generation. And when my old teacher friend was like oh yeah, that's so-and-so's daughter, I was like of course we have a connection, because I spent the last six months of my life as a principal preparing the school for her.

Speaker 2:

Like there is so much more going on on the subconscious level than we'd realize. And to kind of echo something you said earlier, I thought about it then and then I forgot. But it's back to me now.

Speaker 2:

One of the reasons if any of you guys are parents that are listening one of the reasons like telling your kids what you want them to do and like teaching them doesn't work is because if you speak it to them, they have to process it consciously in their prefrontal cortex.

Speaker 2:

If you behave the way you want them to behave, if you can be the change that you want to be, they see you and that is speaking to their subconscious.

Speaker 2:

They're patterning their lives based upon what they see, and the subconscious mind is so much more powerful than the conscious mind, and that's why, when we can get into the right energy like the podcast that I listened to about yours, like you talked about sleep and food, which are all important, and then you moved over to the mind, like if we could just understand everything that plays a part in energy and then be intentional with the energy that we show up with in our lives. We work so hard to force our reality to line up with our desires and what we want, but if you can let go and if you can be the person that you want to be, all of a sudden your reality aligns itself with who you are and now you don't have to work so hard to control all of the uncontrollables. You just manage you and everything else will lay out for you like the dots start connecting themselves.

Speaker 1:

I love that that is so powerful, and the one thing like I kept thinking was so is this why? Because I said so doesn't work.

Speaker 2:

Exactly Because usually when you say do it because I said so, they've been watching you do it the other way your whole life. I do and you're trying to. You're doing the do as I say, not as I do. It does not work.

Speaker 1:

Man that was so powerful. I'm going to hang on to that. I just I love that. So we have not yet you we've kind of alluded to a couple of different areas but exactly what your business looks like. Talk to me about who you coach.

Speaker 2:

So I coach parents and teenagers and it's a lot of fun because, like in the coaching posse group, like anytime anyone asks for a teen coach, I'm usually one of the first guys that people are like, ooh, ben Pew, you got to have him. The thing is, I coach parents in more of a group setting. I have a membership. It's mainly for moms, like guys. When I didn't mention this, but when I spoke at the graduation, I invited my mom to come with me and I shared the lighting a school bus on fire story and I looked down and my mom was like bright red, like she's still has trauma from that. And in my coaching practice I can see exactly who I'm trying to help Moms of teenagers who, in their mind, their teenager is struggling, they're doing it all wrong and they got to fix them, they got to help them. And I coach those moms to be the change that they want to see, to start working on themselves. It's like exactly what you said, like people come to me for parenting coaching and if they were to ever sit down and think about it, they'd realize oh, ben doesn't even coach on parenting. He coaches on mindset and energy and vibration and values and all this stuff, but it applies. You can apply to weight loss over drinking, like whatever you want to do. You can apply these principles to that. So if you are a mother there's a couple of dads there too you can come join my membership.

Speaker 2:

I have a course that's called the impact parenting course. You get that completely free inside of the membership and then, in addition to the course, you get three group coaching calls with me and three Q&As with me and then access to other parents who are working to be the very best. And then for teenagers I have just very limited openings. I also coach high school football and I only do one-on-ones with teens. I've done the group setting and so far in my experience, one-on-one coaching with teens is way more powerful than group coaching, because when you get teenage boys and girls together, the boys are just sitting and wondering I wonder what that girl thinks about me, and the girls are over here just wondering I wonder what those boys are thinking.

Speaker 2:

And this is a whole thing. So I do one-on-one coaching for teens and right now I seem to be coaching more elite high school athletes trying to help them up their game. But really, if you've got a teenager and they're looking for help, I'm really good Recently one of my teens because I always ask two questions. Number one what's the most beneficial thing that we've talked about? I try and get them to go teach their parents that because if they do, the parents are like oh, my goodness, this is the best life coach ever my kids teaching me some. And the second question I ask is on a scale of one to 10, one being this is the worst coaching call I've ever had, 10 being no, this is amazing. I can't wait to get this into practice in my life.

Speaker 2:

What would you rate today's coaching call? And my average with teenagers is like a 9.2. And that's with me leaving out my random outliers where teens are like man 4,000 totally, and I'm like dude. I got to throw that one out because it's not even in the anyways. So if you would like to learn more from like me, you can go to BenPewCoachingcom If you would like a free 15 minute relationship tune up. This is a free little video training. You can go to BenPewCoachingcom slash relationship and that will get to that. You can apply it to any relationship you have. And if you are a parent, if you are a mom of teens and you feel like your teens are giving you a run for your money, I can help both of you.

Speaker 1:

So that's awesome. That's awesome. All right, so we have talked about so much today and this has been so fun. Like, I really love the format that we did here, where, you know, we just kind of hung out, you know, and just talked about our experiences. There's so many good nuggets that we talked about today. Is there anything that we're leaving on the table that we've just really got to get out there?

Speaker 2:

That's a hard question. Typically, I believe that people hear what they need to hear when they need to hear it.

Speaker 1:

Like it's so funny.

Speaker 2:

People come to me all the time and they're like dude, you said this one thing and it changed my life and I'm like I don't even remember ever saying that. Thanks for giving me credit. That's great. Yeah, the thing I would invite you to do and this is what I try and do anytime something touches my life, like elevates my vibration, gives me like a glimmer of hope and excitement.

Speaker 2:

Identify what that is, because that is your soul speaking to you, saying we need this in our life and the problem that a lot of people make, especially educators. If we got any teachers listening, you guys are the worst. Quit doing this. Educators, like, want to have a whole list, like there were 10 things I want to implement, every single one. Yeah, and I'm telling you identify the one thing that really spoke to your soul. Leave everything else alone. I don't even touch it. Do that one thing, and when you master that one thing, all of a sudden you're going to find something else. It does the exact same thing. It lights you up, it heightens your energy, and then do that one thing.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

That's the advice that I give you.

Speaker 1:

I love that. That's great, all right, well, thank you so much for doing this with me. I totally appreciate it and, like I said, I just had such a great time. I really enjoyed it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, thank you, it's been my pleasure.

Speaker 1:

You're welcome. Who is your life coach? I would love the opportunity to work with you as you are rediscovering the woman you were meant to be. Visit Christyballardfalaniecom for more information on how we can work together to ignite that passionate, enthusiastic woman who may have been tucked away for some time. Let's start in the middle together.