Start in the Middle

Unleashing the Woman You Were Always Meant to Be

• Kristi Ballard Falany • Episode 115

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As I enter a new year around the sun, I find myself reflecting on the journey of personal growth and development. I have a captivating story to share - a tale of a client who, despite being content, yearned for more and took the initiative to make that happen. It's a conversation starter about why we often wait for social invitations, rather than understanding that we need to be the ones to initiate social interactions.

Venturing out of your comfort zone can be daunting, but let me tell you, it's transformative. My own journey of overcoming fear and stepping into networking events led me to encounter meaningful relationships and business connections. But to do this, you need to invest in yourself - set attainable goals, build your own support system. I can't stress this enough - discomfort is your friend, a catalyst that helps you rediscover your passionate, enthusiastic self. And that's exactly what I aim to help you achieve through my coaching, to help you uncover the woman you were always meant to be. So buckle up and join me on this journey of self-discovery and personal growth.

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Kristi Falany Coaching.com

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Speaker 1:

Hi, I am Kristy Ballard Fellini. I am a certified life coach who found herself at 42, freshly divorced kids off to college and having never dated in my adult life, I was starting in the middle. If you haven't yet hit start on your middle time in life, let's do it together. Let the journey begin. Hello, my friends, welcome to October. I mean, can you believe it, october? And I tell you what.

Speaker 1:

There are so many reasons that I love October. It just seems like it feels like this is when the weather really should be changing. I mean, I know the first day of fall is in September, but October really feels like the hope of the weather changing. But it's also my birthday month, and this is the biggest reason why I love October, because I have always loved my birthday. And I tell you what my birthday doesn't come with dread and fear or anything like that. It comes with hope and possibility. This year I will be 51. And, yes, I absolutely love to be celebrated. Who doesn't right? I mean, I never look at my birthday with dread. I always look at it with optimism and excitement.

Speaker 1:

And I think the biggest reason that I do this is because I am always looking to see how I can grow. I'm always looking to the next area of my life that I can make better. Like, personal growth and development is my absolute favorite thing. That's exactly why I became a coach, because I love to be able to share this with other people. You guys just ask my friends. I'm always sharing with them the next best idea, like the time I bought my air fryer. I tell you what I have two very close friends that I just couldn't wait to share my new favorite recipes the fact that you can make these things in this air fryer, and it's super, super easy to use, it takes very little time and it just makes my favorite veggies and my favorite potatoes come out so amazingly crisp and just absolutely wonderful. Okay, I also love to share with them and with you guys new things that I am trying in my life, and something new that I started trying over the last couple of weeks is a supplement that's also taking part with intermittent fasting, and the reason that I started taking this supplement is because I wanted to make sure you know, because of the atopic dermatitis that I continue to have, I want to make sure that my body is getting all of the nutrients that it needs, and so I immediately reached out to my friend and said hey, are you still taking that pink drink? Because this one, I'm telling you, is way better. But y'all, that's my thing.

Speaker 1:

I'm always looking for and open to ideas that are going to help me feel like I am living a better life, or going to help me to love the life that I'm living, which is exactly why I no longer balk at investing in myself. I'm not talking about spending money so I can have a nicer purse or have a nicer car. I'm talking about investing in experiences, investing in personal growth, investing in foods that are going to help me live here longer and to help as many women as I possibly can while I'm here. So the topic for today that I really, really want you to consider is are you living like you're at the finish line? Are you living like you are at the finish line? And how this idea came about was because I noticed that there was a decision that I needed to make in my life, and this was the question that popped into my head is when you're making this decision? If the decision is no, does it come from a space of you choosing to not create that experience? Does it come from a space, from living small, from living in a rut, from being stagnant where you are in life. Or are you going to say yes, to create that experience, to feel like you are not living at the finish line, to create more joy and more abundance in your life? So I want to ask you if you're living at the finish line or you're living as if you are at the finish line, does that mean that you've stopped engaging in your life? And here's some telltale signs as to how you know. So, for instance, do you tell yourself that you're happy just going to work each day, coming home, eating dinner, watching some TV, going to bed, and the weekend looks super, super similar, with the exception of going to work and actually deciding do I need to shower today Because I'm not technically going out right? And for some this picture may seem a little bit drastic, I know, but I also know for some that this is a dead on description Y'all, but nonetheless, this is what living like you're at the finish line looks like. It means that you've just gotten out of the habit of actually engaging in life. So I want to share a story with you.

Speaker 1:

I had a client who told me that this is what her life looked like. She also said that she wasn't really sure if it was a good thing or if it was a bad thing. She said that she felt content, but she also had this nagging feeling that she should be doing more, and so I asked her why she felt that way. Why do you feel like you should be doing more? She said, because I know there is more to life than this. She told me that she sometimes gets a little jealous when she would hear of her coworkers weekend plans or the after stories of them having gotten together with their girlfriends, but that she never really got invited to those types of things. And I asked her why are you waiting to be invited, y'all?

Speaker 1:

This is one of the ways that we get trapped in not engaging in our lives when we're waiting for others to fill our social calendar, when we're waiting for the invite, or we're waiting for others to include us, rather than recognizing in ourselves that we were meant to interact with others and sometimes, okay, about 99% of the time, we have got to be the ones to make that happen. Now, I know there are those sneaky little reasons why we sit back and wait, why we wait rather than take the reins. Okay, I get it. We don't want to step out of our comfort zone. We have a fear of rejection or we're afraid of people not showing up for us.

Speaker 1:

I see this a lot in my clients who are experiencing empty nest for the first time. Women who are so used to taking care of everyone else and making sure that everyone else's social calendar is in order that they forget to have one of their own, or they tell themselves stories like I'm just so busy with all of my children's functions that I don't have time for myself. Then what inevitably happens is that you get to this point in your life and you have no clue what to do with your time or what you even like for yourself. But I promise you, the longer you stay disengaged with your life, the easier it's going to be for you to slip into purposelessness that's a big word Purposelessness and the easier it is to allow that boredom in your life which, if left too long, is going to lead to anxiety and depression. So I tell you what I've been through this.

Speaker 1:

I went through this the entire first year of being an entrepreneur. I was so used to going to a job every day when I was teaching school and it was nothing for me to be in that classroom for the last 14 years and I could, you know, always chat with my teaching partner anytime throughout the day. I even made really close friendships with a lot of the other teachers. I mean we would make plans for happy hour after school or we would hang out, you know, like a girl's night out on the weekend. But once I started working from home and working for myself, all of that was different. All of that was lost. I spent my first year working from home, really kind of miserable and really feeling lost. So I am so glad that I decided to step out of my comfort zone and what I did was I started looking for different networking events in my own community and throughout that I also made some really great friends along the way. And from there I created a monthly event for other women who need and want more friendships and more connection with like-minded women. It gives them the opportunity to learn a new skill that they can apply to their life but also get inspired by the other women that they meet.

Speaker 1:

And again, this called for me to step out from behind my computer, the comfort of my home, and make the effort to get out there and to get engaged, and so I want to encourage you that, if this is how you are feeling, if you are feeling like you are living at the finish line and not engaging in your life, if you feel like you are lacking the joy and the fulfillment of your life, I really want to encourage you to stay tuned and to listen all the way to the end of this podcast, because I'm going to give you some amazing tips. All right, so let's talk about another way that you may be living as if you're at the finish line. Have you stopped investing in your own personal growth? Now, this could be spiritually, it could be physically, it could be mentally. When was the last time that you set personal goals for yourself to help you reach the next level of yourself? Like, do you do that?

Speaker 1:

All too often, we get to a certain stage in our lives that we are just sailing on with no ambition to become the next version of ourselves and, hey, maybe you're 100% satisfied and completely happy with yourselves and kudos for you. But as we start to age, so do our brain cells and, as you know, there are so many factors that can lead to the depleting of our brain cells, things like lack of physical activity, poor diet, lack of sleep, constant worry, constantly feeling anxious. How many of these boxes, as I'm reading off this checklist, would you be checking? How many of these resonate with your lifestyle? Now, I promise you, you know, that I will not leave you hanging in despair or leave you at the finish line, because I want to give you some actionable steps that you can take today to start re-engaging in your life. Are you ready?

Speaker 1:

First, you've got to break free of the old mindset that has gotten you stuck in this position to begin with. Okay, so I want to ask you what's the worst thing that can happen when you choose to step out of your comfort zone? Do you know what it is? Discomfort, that's it. That is the worst thing that can happen. A little bit of discomfort, y'all. When I first started going to those networking events, I would give myself a stress headache before it was even my turn to talk, and then, when it was over, like I had no idea what I even said, but because I was willing to get uncomfortable, I would go week after week and again. Because of this, I have made not only business connections, I've created speaking engagements for myself, but I've also made some really great friends. In fact, today, one of those ladies texted me and asked me who I wanted to invite to the birthday party that she is throwing for me later this week.

Speaker 1:

So start thinking about the things that interest you. Okay, maybe some old passions that you did not or have not pursued yet. What are some of the interests or hobbies that bring you joy and fulfillment? This is where you'll start. For me, it was the love of my business and the love for what I do and how I support other women. It was that love and that passion that I really, really wanted to get out into the world, and I knew that it wasn't just behind a computer screen that I could do that. And so once I started getting that out into the world in my community, I was able to overcome the fear of talking about my business, overcome the fear of talking to people who don't even know what a life coach does, and overcome the fear of meeting new people. But from that I've created such beautiful relationships. So what are your interests, what are your hobbies, what are the things that just bring you joy, that you feel like you want to step out of your comfort zone to create that for yourself. So start thinking about the things that do interest you. Start thinking about those old passions that you have yet to pursue Y'all.

Speaker 1:

I have a friend who taught school for over 20 years. During that time she started dabbling a little bit in skincare products. She started seeing some small successes in the skincare line as she was dabbling and selling it. So she decided to quit her teaching career and make the skincare her full-time gig and I promise you, because she offers her clients the very best customer service, she has made some really great friendships along the way. She's also formed an amazing community of a support system with the other women who also work with the brand that she sells.

Speaker 1:

So some other things that you can do to get back into the game of life is to start setting some goals for yourself, either around personal growth or around getting out and engaging again. Like, make some short-term goals as well as some long-term goals, but set yourself up for some attainable wins. Maybe that you're going to read a devotional at least three times a week and follow through. Or maybe it could be that you're going to exercise at least three times a week. Or maybe you're going to initiate at least and I said, initiate at least three social outings in this next month. Make these goals attainable, because attainable wins is what is going to increase your motivation and it's going to give you that sense of purpose that's going to continue to help you to step out of your comfort zone.

Speaker 1:

So, lastly, I want you to enlist the use of a support system. Just like I was telling you about my friend who has that support system of the other people within her network, just like I have an amazing support system now with the friends that I have attained through the networking events and also through my coffee and connection event. I have a support system that I know that I can turn to, and so I want you to enlist a support system of your own. So having a network of people is key for you to stop living like you're at the finish line, because isolation, stagnation and boredom is what keeps us in that rut of not living life to the fullest. So having a network and a connection of people that you share your life with is so important. You've heard me say it before you weren't meant to do life alone, so having a strong support system is so beneficial.

Speaker 1:

So if you struggle with making friends or you don't feel like you have that support system, strongly encourage you to get a coach. Yes, there are a variety of ways for you to create new friendships and for you to create those new networks. There's friendship apps. There's online interest groups. There's connecting with others by by choosing the hobbies that you're interested in. Having a coach is going to give you the support you need.

Speaker 1:

When all of these things feel hard, your coach comes alongside you. When life feels sticky and hard, your coach offers perspective that you may not be able to see for yourself. This is exactly what my coach does for me. So when I'm in my own head and I'm telling myself I couldn't possibly reach out to this person or that person because I'm struggling, I know that I can always reach out to my coach, so I want to hear from you. Do you feel like you're living as if you're at the finish line? Have you lost your drive, or are you feeling that there has to be more to life than the way you're currently living it? Please reach out to me with any questions that you have on this topic. I'll even answer them right here, because I'm sure that if you have that question, someone else has that same question, and I know that others can benefit from the answer, so ask it. So let me leave you with this. It's never too late to start living a more engaging life. Just put one foot in front of the other and start with step one, I promise you. The hardest part is your first initial step out of that rut. Then, getting some small wins under your belt is what creates the momentum for you to keep forging forward.

Speaker 1:

Hey, thank you so much for tuning in today. Please do me a favor and subscribe to my podcast. A new episode drops every single Tuesday, and I also want to ask you to leave me a five star rating. My mission is to help as many midlife women as possible to stop letting life just pass them by and to start rediscovering who it is that they were meant to be. I'd also love for you to connect with me through social media, and you can find me on Facebook.

Speaker 1:

You can find me on Instagram. Also, visit my webpage. Christy Fellini coaching dot com. Up in the top right hand corner is a free gift for you uncover why midlife feels so hard. All right, so until next week, guys, get out there and engage in your life. Have a great week. Who is your life coach. I would love the opportunity to work with you as you are rediscovering the woman you were meant to be. Visit Christy ballard Fellini dot com for more information on how we can work together to ignite that passionate, enthusiastic woman who may have been tucked away for some time. Let's start in the middle together.