Listen in on this special episode I recorded with my own coach Dave Moreno. Together we talk about how lack trust was keeping me from what I truly wanted in my life.
Before I started working with my coach, I really didn't know how big of a role lack of trust was playing in my life. I thought it just extended to personal relationships until I learned I wasn't even trusting myself.
We must first build the trust in ourselves to be able to extend it to others, to our businesses and to how we show up in the world.
Register for Empowering Women: Coffee & Connection
Visit my website: Kristi Falany Coaching.com
Connect of Social Media:
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Thanks for listening. Follow me in Facebook and Instagram.
Listen in on this special episode I recorded with my own coach Dave Moreno. Together we talk about how lack trust was keeping me from what I truly wanted in my life.
Before I started working with my coach, I really didn't know how big of a role lack of trust was playing in my life. I thought it just extended to personal relationships until I learned I wasn't even trusting myself.
We must first build the trust in ourselves to be able to extend it to others, to our businesses and to how we show up in the world.
Register for Empowering Women: Coffee & Connection
Visit my website: Kristi Falany Coaching.com
Connect of Social Media:
Instagram
Facebook
Thanks for listening. Follow me in Facebook and Instagram.
Hey, did I ever tell you about that time that I got to be on my coaches podcast? Yep, it's true, and I'm sharing that with you today. What you get the unique opportunity to see is how I interact with my coach. You're also going to get to know me a little bit better, because we are talking on one of the biggest things that I have struggled with and that I'm still working on. Are you ready for?
Speaker 2:it, the things that really hold us back. This is a series I'm so excited about. I have some amazing guests coming to talk to you about the truth, about what really holds us back. All right, welcome to this week's episode and welcome to our first episode of Things that Really Hold Us Back. This month, the entire month, we are talking with guests. I'm going to have guests on all month, which is very different on this podcast, if you listened before and I'm inviting people in to talk about the things that really hold us back.
Speaker 2:I went out to my academy and I asked them a simple question what really holds you back in life? Forget about marketing, forget about sales, forget about all the strategy things. At the end of the day, what really holds you back? And I had a number of people respond and we decided to have everyone who responded that we could on this month, and so we have some groups, we have some individuals. It's going to be amazing.
Speaker 2:We're going to start today with, I think, a really fundamental one, and this is one that came up for a client of mine and we watched it happen and then got to the place where you can overcome it, and now it's just such a rich place that we can do work from, and it all came because of trust. Trust is such an important thing Trust for yourself, trust in your business, trust for people around you. Trust is this overwhelming piece of your life that if you don't get right, it affects everything else. So I'm going to welcome my guest on, I'm going to let her introduce herself and then we're going to have the best conversation you've ever heard about trust. So please welcome Kristi Falany. Kristi hi, thanks for being here.
Speaker 1:Yes, absolutely. Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 2:Why don't you introduce yourself, tell people who you are and what you do?
Speaker 1:Of course. So I am Kristi Falany. I work with midlife women, and you know there's a certain time that we get to in our lives where and this is for anyone where we start to feel like time has passed us by, and so what I help them do is rediscover who it is that they were meant to be, and what I love about this is that you know this has been a journey for me as well. I think that the best places to coach from are places where you have already been, and the exciting thing about us having this conversation today is that you know, when I first started working with you, you know I came to you because I had seen how successful you were in your own business and I've heard you talk numerous times about you know, different businesses that you had created and how successful you were in them and so what I was really looking to you for was like the fundamentals, you know, like tell me the how, tell me all the strategies, tell me the things, and what I did not anticipate at all was the relationship that you and I were going to embark on as we started working together.
Speaker 1:You know, because I did not even know in the beginning of our relationship together. I did not even know or understand how big trust is for me and how it was holding me back. And the funny part about it is that this isn't something that you and I discovered together, like I discovered it through some other work that I was doing, a different certification that I wanted to do for myself around relationship trauma. But the cool part about it is that when I felt safe to bring it to you, when I, you know, felt like, hey, I've got this problem and I'm wondering what other areas of my life it's showing up in, when I was able to bring it to you, we were able to, you know, just really kind of tease it out and it has been such so much help, you know, for me in my business, but also in my personal life. So that is why I'm super excited to talk to you today about how important trust is.
Speaker 2:Yeah because it's so funny. I mean, you look at your business and you look at what you offer and what you really do. And here are the, here are the fundamentals of it. Like, at the end of the day, how many midlife women are in the world and how many midlife women are at a place where they're not happy, where they are in their life because they've been pleasing everyone else, doing everything for everybody else, whatever it is, taking care of everything else, and they get to this place where they're not where they thought they would be and they want to. They want more, they want to rediscover, redefine, redesign their life in some way.
Speaker 2:By you telling me what you do, my first thought would be man like you must be raking in millions of dollars because it's a need, there's pain out there and you offer, I think, great service and great education to these people and really give a fantastic result when you work with your clients. The thought would be well, that must be huge. The only reason and at the beginning you're right, we worked on strategy so much when you came in and so many of my clients come to me for strategy and we work on strategy, but some clients get to that second level of the relationship. Like when I work with a client, it is all about relationship. I work with clients for a year at a time.
Speaker 2:The reason I choose that is because I want a client who's interested in a relationship, not one who's just interested in the quick. Tell me this strategy, this strategy, this strategy, thank you, goodbye. Like I'm not a wham-bam, thank you, ma'am. Kind of guy I'm a. Like let's build a relationship over a year. Let's really get to know each other, let's do this. And I started to feel the same thing. I'm like you just keep coming looking for, like what do I need to do this week? Tell me the things again.
Speaker 2:Remind me again, and until we had that conversation, it didn't really open up what we could really do together and how far we could go with the work, not just in your business, but everywhere in your life, because my job is always to take an entrepreneur and make them more successful everywhere in life, not just their business. So tell me, from your perspective, what trust means to you then and what trust means to you now. Has it changed or do you just look at it differently?
Speaker 1:Oh, it absolutely has changed, because Originally, what I discovered was that I was looking outside of myself for trust, like in my mind. I was thinking to myself that I had it ingrained in my brain that, you know, if I can trust the people that I'm in relationship with, then the sky is the limit right. We can take off. And the other thing that I was looking at was you know, if I want to appear trustworthy, I have to be the expert in my field. I have to, you know, go to great lengths so that people will trust me. But if you think about that and the way that it kind of plays out is that you're looking to other people to create the trust and to create the safety.
Speaker 1:But the way that it has changed for me, the outlook that I am working on now, is having that trust in myself, having the ability to really believe in myself and celebrate my wins. Looking back to where we started, where I started in my business, completely brand new thinking oh my God, I have no idea how to do this to actually trusting the strategies that you were giving me and implementing those, getting out of my comfort zone and understanding that being uncomfortable is a part of growth is a part of the process. And being able to just trust myself to move past that fear, that uncomfortableness, that, yes, there could be failure on the other side of that, but the amount of growth that I have gotten from that, that is how my perspective of trust has changed.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's funny, trust is one of those things that we think has to be earned, and I think is the you know, and when someone has to earn our trust, we think they have to work for it. We don't have to do anything, we just have to sit there and someone else has to earn our trust. But the truth is, trust is something that you should give fairly quickly and very easily, like if you really want to live a good life. When you meet someone, trust them and then pay attention. When you give trust and pay attention, you will learn way quicker. But someone you should trust or not, instead of meeting someone with holding trust, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting until they show up in a way that you can find trustworthy and that may be never and they continue it on and not not developing the relationship, not growing, not not building with them.
Speaker 2:And in relationships like romantic relationships especially, people think it's our spouses or our partner's job to build trust. It's not, it's our job to give trust. And how you can give trust is first trust yourself, like you have to trust yourself to know. I believe that no matter if, if I fail or not, I'm going to keep going. I believe that you know, I trust myself that I'm a good. I'm a good judge of character. I'm a good, I'm a trust myself that I can execute on what I need to do. I I trust myself that I can be organized like, trust yourself in the fundamentals and all of it will start to come back to you.
Speaker 2:But we like to think that trust is a thing that you know, takes time and takes work. Trust is something really hard to regain but should be really easy to gain at the beginning.
Speaker 2:If someone, if someone, breaks your trust, absolutely take lots of time and lots of attention to see if that trust can be rebuilt. But when you first get on the onset you have to trust people right away. I had so many clients in the beginning who, I imagine, got a version of me that didn't even trust myself. And when I didn't trust myself I could imagine maybe I wasn't such a great coach Like in my very first in my weight loss coaching and that I'm like I didn't trust myself enough and I could watch what a difference of a coach that made me. I thought I was hiding it but I really wasn't. It was coming out. And now, like in my current business and working with you and we're organo, my clients I completely trust myself in anything I do and any topic I talk about. I'm like I might not know it but I'll figure it out, and I'll either figure it out through conversation or I'll figure it out through research or we'll figure it out together.
Speaker 2:And we just do that, but that soon as that trust exists, a relationship can start. You cannot build a relationship with anyone in this world. Trust does not exist, because when trust doesn't exist, a relationship doesn't exist.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I like what you said about, about how you should come into a relationship with trust and work from that. Because when you're coming into a relationship and you're kind of standing back thinking, can I trust you, can I trust you, our brains are automatically going to find all the ways that you can't, that you don't trust them, all the evidence to build up that, yeah, you're not a person that I can trust. You know, that's just the natural way that our brain is made up to help to protect us. And you're right, it's definitely, you know, it's a muscle that you have to continue to grow on that. You have to continue to practice.
Speaker 1:And so, especially for myself, you know, as I'm trying new things in my business and also in my personal life, if I am able to either, you know, pick out those wins, areas where I was like, you know, I'm not sure that this is the best move and I go for it anyway, you know, and I'm just like, yes, I got over that hurdle, I conquered that thing, you know, if I'm able to pull out those wins, they're easier and easier for me to find, even if it is an area that maybe didn't go as well. You know, like, if I, you know, try to launch and it didn't happen the way that I wanted it to and you know, and it wasn't as successful. You know, I can still look at all of the things that did go well and all of the opportunities for growth. And so, as long as you're continuing to build on that, you know, versus sitting back and thinking you know this isn't going to go good, you know, and finding all the negativity, yeah, definitely comes easier when you're looking for the ways that you can win.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So let me ask you this you know you, you come to the realization and you're looking at trust completely different. What is changed for you because of your new relationship with trust? So let's talk about anything your business, your relationships, whatever it is. What's changed for you in the last little while, given your new level? Of trust that you have.
Speaker 1:In my relationships. It's easier for me now to I don't want to say it's easier for me to set boundaries. Basically, you know, it's easier for me to not just say yes, knowing that I really mean no or I really feel that it's a no. And so it's been easier for me to set boundaries based on my goals, my personal goals, based on how I want to feel in my life and based on, like, how I want to show up for the other people in my life. It's been easier for me to allow them to be who they are. You know, for them to make their own choices on what's best for them, and for me to stand back and, you know, not take it personally and to understand that, yeah, they're making choices for themselves and maybe I don't agree, or maybe it doesn't feel good for me, but at the same time, you know, I'm trusting that they're following through with what feels best for them.
Speaker 2:That's really interesting If you take this podcast and rewind back about 60 seconds and you listen to Christy talk about how it's changed in her relationship and you re-listen to it, with her talking about let's pretend it's her business and her clients, because every client has a relationship, just so you know and you can watch how why it would be so difficult for her to get and keep a client when she wasn't really showing up. She wasn't letting them be themselves, she wasn't trusting that they would do the work. She wasn't whatever. You know, go back and listen to that whole last minute of her talking about that and you can see if she applied the same thing to her business, it would be much harder.
Speaker 2:If she does what she's doing now in her relationship with her business, which is give trust to her marketing, give trust to social media, give trust to you know people who are out there, and it's so funny like we get these messages and I get messages from clients all the time and you know you've sent me one like this as well, where it's someone messages about something in your business. They're like, hey, would your coaching help this? And the client will share it with me and be like, oh look, someone's inquiring about my business and your immediate thought would be I know they're probably just looking for attention, or I know they're probably just, you know, grasping at straws or they're marketing me something, but I'm gonna answer them anyway. And so it's like well, what if you just trusted that Maybe everybody's interested in your business, maybe everyone wants to do business with you, the same way that you would trust that maybe your husband or your wife or your partner really want to be in a relationship with you.
Speaker 2:Maybe they actually enjoy what you do, maybe they actually like when you stand up for yourself, but also like when you do things you want to do and not just please all the time and do all the things that we think that's what attracts us in a relationship. We think we're attracted in a relationship based on our willingness to please. What makes us most attractive in a relationship is our self-confidence. Just so you know it is the highest effort, easy act, the most attractive thing in any relationship. And if it's not in your relationship, really look at your relationship, because the person's not interested in you. There must be interested in something different in the relationship than what you're bringing to the table. But self-confidence is so high You'll never have confidence, you'll never have self-confidence without trust, and trust in you and trust in the people around you, because when you go trust, you forgo everything.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and the cool thing about it is that, you know, it's allowed me to feel very confident in creating more of myself in my business. I recently started a women's group and last month was our first time to meet, and the purpose for this group is for these women, you know, to create connections, to create bonds to, you know, create those relationships where they see that other women are going through very similar things. And the cool thing about it is that there is such a need out there for this that we already outgrew our space that we had, you know, secured for last month, and so this month, you know, I have found us a whole brand new space where we just have so much room and, you know, it's such a comfortable, safe space that I just can see this thing just blossoming and flourishing, you know, and this is something that has come about because I'm trusting in what I'm doing and I'm trusting in the message, in the connection that I want to have with these other women.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's fascinating because in some of our strategies we've used in the past and our coaching, it was around get into groups so that you can meet more people.
Speaker 2:And you had a need and a desire to want to connect locally because you like connecting in person, and so it was find groups that you can connect in, and so you would go and look for groups to get it. Your first thought was let me look for a group to connect on. Let me not go create one, let me look for one Because you could show up there and you could slowly build trust. When it's not your group, you can just show up, you can sit in the back, you can be real quiet, you can look around. Is this safe? Can I trust these people and do all that? Your analysis right. This one is completely different because this is when you started you're attracting people to, you're organizing, you're making space for and you're leading yeah, and the whole time leading up to even your first one, when you would message about questions about it or working on this, and I would just keep telling you trust yourself.
Speaker 2:Like, if you trust yourself, this question won't be here. If you trust yourself, you won't worry about this one thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And you built the trust and you did an amazing job and, like after a very short time, you've outgrown your space, you're looking for new things, and so it just shows you the amount of flourishing that is possible when trust exists.
Speaker 2:So if someone's out there listening to us and we had this talk in the academy too you came in the academy and talked about trust on one of our calls and I had a few clients reach out to me around trust and being like. One of them asked me do you think we have trust? And I was like, well, I do, but if you're asking that question, then you maybe don't. Let's talk about that. And then we had a great conversation about it and they just love to question things anyway. Another client was nervous about building trust and was like how do I build the proper trust with you? So if anyone's listening out there or anyone who's heard us talk about trust before in the academy, what are the steps that you would give them to build trust?
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely, and I love that that conversation allowed the opportunity for other people to recognize that in their relationships and to want to come out and talk about it, because, honestly, I think that when we talk about our struggles, it gives other people a safe space. It gives them, you know, whatever, it gives them what they need to help open up about the same thing. And maybe it wasn't even that you know, they knew that that was what they were struggling with. But when we share our stories and so steps leading up to if you please remind me the question, what would, if someone was listening to this or from the Academy.
Speaker 1:What?
Speaker 2:would you tell them to do to start the start the process of redefining or building trust?
Speaker 1:Yeah. So first, start trusting in yourself. You know, set those goals for yourself and show yourself. You know that you can show up for you. You know, trust yourself in that you're going to follow through with the things that you say you're going to do, even if it is uncomfortable, even if it is. You know something that you know. You wake up thinking, man, I really don't want to go take that run today, but you've got it on your schedule and you have a specific goal that you're working towards. You know, start finding the wins. You know, start finding areas where you are winning. You know where you're winning around that that goal that you said that you were going to set. And, like we talked about earlier, you know, when you meet new people, meet them with the idea that you already trust them. You know, and remind yourself frequently you know what you have in common with them, how you're able to connect with them, and look for those areas where you are feeling that, the comfort, where you're feeling the wins.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, trust is. Trust is built in inches, not miles. Remember that trust is built on these small little things that, overall, give you this high sense of trust. Like you know, I'm I'm, you know, in the middle of a 75 hard program and I'm doing the 75 hard thing, which is run by Andy for seller, who was one of my coaches in the past, and I love the work he does and I remember that this stuff worked for me and so. But I started at the beginning by saying I'm not sure if I'm going to complete 75 days, I just want to do one day at a time and so, and then I started getting on the Peloton and working out every morning, and now all I do is I don't know if I'm going to do the Peloton tomorrow, but here's what I know I trust myself that I'm going to get on the bike and start the Peloton.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm just going to start it. I'm going to hit 30 minutes, 45 minute class and I'm going to start the class. And the funny thing is what I realized is, if I just trust myself to start the class and don't have to trust myself that I'm going to kill it today or do it or whatever, I somehow finish a class, I somehow get revved up, I somehow just do. Absolutely fine. Trust yourself in inches, not miles.
Speaker 2:Don't say that I have to trust everyone in the world with everything. If I meet a stranger, I have to hand in my wallet, like some. Someone asked me one time about trust and was like okay, so if trusting everyone means like you, mean if I meet a stranger, I have to be comfortable enough to hand in my wallet and be like hold this for five minutes and I'm like no, that's crazy, that's stupid. Don't do that. What I mean by trust is meet someone and go. I trust you in an immediate way of conversing with you. I'll have a conversation with you and over time I'm going to go from level 50 of trust to level 100.
Speaker 2:Instead of people starting out at level one of trust and being like I'm not very trustworthy, I'm looking for ways to not trust you. Please tell me all the things about you so I can know if I trust you or not. Yeah, your subconscious, your brain, your everything about you will go to affirm what you believe. And if you believe you don't know if you can trust the person, you're going to keep finding evidence that you maybe you can't trust the person. You have to realize you have to show up with this mid level trust on anyone you meet.
Speaker 2:I'm not saying have them, you know, if I met a stranger on the street, I'm not going to ask him to watch my kid, like immediately I'm going to be like look, I trust you enough to talk with you, to open myself up, to tell you a bit about myself and to trust that you're a good person. My thought is like, if I meet a stranger on the street, I'm immediately thinking I'm going to be like I'm not going. They haven't killed anybody, they haven't hurt anybody, they haven't stolen anything in the last year, and if I learn otherwise I'll adjust my trust. But I go to them believing that they're kind and decent.
Speaker 1:And so I can have a conversation with them.
Speaker 2:I don't go believing they should have access to all my passwords and they should be able to watch my children. There's a level of trust you still have to build, but that mid-level trust you should approach everything with, and from that mid-level trust you either go up or you go down. Simple as that. Yes, yes.
Speaker 1:And I think that that is truly what humanity needs. Yeah, that that is what is truly gonna bring us back to the connection of feeling safe, yeah, of and really of just creating relationships, is just coming back to, like you said, that mid-level trust where you can look at someone, you can smile at them and you know that if you said hello to them, and even just on your end, of course, because they're going to respond and they're gonna receive it, however, they receive it. But even just knowing that you're open to doing that is what's gonna help us recreate the connections that we so desperately want.
Speaker 2:Because you can be in a relationship with someone for a long time and not have trust with them. I just want you to know like even mid-level trust on a long-term relationship is a problem. Like if you're in a relationship with a spouse or a partner and you are mid-level trust for a long period of time, that will create problems in your relationship. Any relationship that you're gonna be in for a long term, or as intimate or as close as a partnership or spouse you have to decide that you wanna build high-level trust in that relationship.
Speaker 2:I know for me I showed this in the Academy, but I think I've been married now we're coming on 16 years and I think probably it took at least 10 to 12 years, if not maybe a little bit longer, for me to honestly can say that I trust Laura 100%, and it's not because she did anything to derive trust or anything to take away trust. It's because I was so reserved on trust. I didn't trust myself very much and so I didn't trust anybody else very much, and so I always thought there were reasons why I should mistrust. It was protection right.
Speaker 2:Mistrust is not protection. Building community, building relationships, building a network, building people around you that is truly how we connect. That is truly how we can be more of ourselves right it's not through mistrust, it's through giving trust. So I love what you've done so far with trust and I love that you're bringing it into the work you do, because I know you're working with your clients and women out there on trust is one of the things that they need in midlife. It's a core concept, right, which?
Speaker 1:is important.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. What's next for you when it comes to trust? What are you looking, what are you excited for, based on this new definition of trust for yourself?
Speaker 1:Yeah. So what I'm looking forward to is especially in my relationships, you know, I mean, because, as a midlife woman, sometimes we don't realize. You know what it's gonna feel like as our kids head off and start doing the adulting thing, and so I'm really looking forward to you know how I can show up differently in my relationship with my adult children and, you know, be more of that mentoring type of, you know, relationship versus parenting. You know Allowing that relationship to evolve, and you know interesting that you know they're adults now. They're making their own decisions Again. They're making decisions based off of what feels best for them. Also, continuing to build my trust in my relationship.
Speaker 1:I am in my second marriage, and so it's extremely important, you know, for us to continue to work on creating that relationship. The thing about it, though, is that all of these things have to start inside of myself, because you know, like you said, you know, having been in a marriage for 16 years and feeling like it's taken some time to get you to that point, you know it's all about. You know our own personal growth and our maturity in ourselves, and so, you know, continuing to create that in my relationship with my spouse and also within my business. You know, trusting myself in my business, trusting that I have everything inside of me that I need to be successful and, yes, I'm still gonna look to you, for you know strategies and what do you think about this and which way should we go with this, but at the same time, just bringing it back down to my own trust in myself.
Speaker 2:And it's funny because it's such an important thought that people have and one that I push to. People like I want everyone to know you have everything you need to grow your business. But that's not me working against myself, that's not me saying you don't need a coach. You might have everything you need inside of you. What coaching does is really help you bring it to the surface.
Speaker 1:That's all.
Speaker 2:I'm not meant to teach my clients everything to do. I'm, you know. There's some teaching, there's some mentoring, there's some strategy, there's some coaching. There's a little bit of everything.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:What we really find with most of my clients, especially the most successful ones, are their ideas of what to do and how to move forward are the right ideas. They just need help in executing them. They need help in what is. How do I stay accountable to it, how do I stay focused on it, how do I stay structured towards it? That's what I help clients do. I don't think a client who has no idea what to do like I, can't take a doctor who has never performed anything in medicine before and help them build a practice right. We have to take people who already know what they're doing and help them organize, structure and be accountable and focused on the things that are already inside them and what they need.
Speaker 2:The funny thing is every one of your core messages you're using, every one of your strategies you're using in your business are things that you came up with. We've just refined them or defined them in a different way so that you can use them, and then this trust factor and this belief in yourself is helping you do it 10 times over.
Speaker 2:So I invite anybody listening to this to ask themselves that simple question. If you really want to know, if you have work to do on trust, when you meet someone, do you immediately give away mid-level trust or do you not? And if you don't, then I guarantee you can follow that string through all of your relationships, through all of your life and find that there is some trust issues that you should work on. If you are at a place where you build mid-level trust immediately with someone and build from there, then ask yourself where you're not trusting right now and what's going on? I think anybody who's not where they want to be in life or in business.
Speaker 2:There is some level of trust. Right, trust comes from your stories, from your beliefs, everything that you build about yourself, and this month we're going to talk about beliefs and stories and all of that. But if you're not willing to build trust, then you're not going to change your story, and if you don't change your story, you won't change your beliefs, and if you don't change your beliefs, you do not have the right guidance to be successful. It's all comes together and that's why I love what we're going to do this month. So any final words about trust for people out there From where you are now compared to where you were.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, this is just something that I have had to rediscover in myself. You know, just allowing myself the opportunity to, you know, go back and really think about, like, where did I expect or where did I think that I would be at this point in my life? And that is what's really been the catalyst for my growth, you know, because when I'm able to, like, rediscover it midlife, you know what it is that I truly want for myself. I'm able to make those hard decisions that need to be made in order to design what it is that I want for my life, and trust is one of those things that I'm really leaning into.
Speaker 2:Especially at midlife. If you're sitting there as a midlife woman, who's any of this is resigning with you? Just know this is so important because if you think that at this point of your life you should be further ahead, you should be different, you should have been more successful, you should have been this, this or this, all you're really saying is don't trust yourself, don't trust yourself, don't trust yourself. Don't trust yourself because you're saying I didn't get to where I wanted to be at this point. I didn't become who I wanted to be. I don't have the tools to do it now. I've wasted this much and all of it is building mistrust. You've got to be really careful about the things you say to yourself at those pivotal moments. I think one of the amazing things you do and you're doing this yourself, which is great is helping people also rebuild that relationship with adult.
Speaker 2:Children Like to go from parent to support a mentor as, like your children, you have to trust that. You don't have to trust your kids. You have to trust that you have done enough so that you can trust your kids, because that's what it is. I trust my daughter or my son at a certain age to go in, be good and do good things in the world, it's do I trust myself enough that I have given them the tools, that I have taught them everything I need to teach them, that I spent the time that? Do I trust myself? I didn't screw them up? Do I still think I've worked?
Speaker 2:to do like once you can really learn to build that trust. It all comes down to you, of course. One of my core beliefs is any problem in a business is a problem with the entrepreneur. I think any problem in a life is a problem with you. If you can go in and build that trust, it's amazing. So I congratulate you on redefining self trust.
Speaker 1:It's totally changed.
Speaker 2:It's changed what we've done together. Oh, absolutely, it's possible for you. And the one thing I want people to know because we've had this conversation many times and I have a history with this for sure is the last point I wanted to make was plan BI want to talk about plan B for a minute. Everybody's got a plan B out there, right, and plan B creeps into their mind. All I want. You know, I had a plan B for years, even in my business. I would find myself to the last couple of years being like look, you know, worst case, like I can do this, and it's like no hold on a second Plan B. And here's what I realize now Plan B is just a mistrust of plan A. Yeah, when you create or develop or think about or spend time with a plan B, it's not being responsible, it's not being careful, it's not being, it's not thinking ahead, it's mistrusting plan A. If you are plan A, then anytime you spend outside of planning is just mistrust, all it is.
Speaker 2:Yes, you should be planning. You should be, you should always be planning Like full control over plan A. Then it's you.
Speaker 2:If your plan A is that somebody else is going to buy your services, you're in trouble, right? Plan A has to be about what you will do, how you'll create it, the work you're going to put in the organization, the routines that you're going to put forward. If that's all plan A, then the results will be fine, but you have to trust yourself and all of those to get that result. If your plan A is a result based plan of five people are going to come and buy my services, you're in trouble. Plan A needs to be about the work you're going to do, not the result you're going to get.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's for any goal, yeah, anytime.
Speaker 2:If you're just focused on the result, you're in trouble. So I think trust is such a big conversation I know it's at the end of the conversation about trust. It's not the end of your work on trust, there's lots more to come. We had a fantastic talk inside the academy on trust a few weeks ago.
Speaker 2:We're doing the podcast together on this and I'm watching you come an entirely different entrepreneur with this new level of trust that you have and it's so amazing, even like recent decisions that you've made about your business and things you've done and conversations you're having in your relationship. It's all stemming from this new trust where you can communicate better, you can be more effective, you can give yourself grace when it's needed. All of this is possible simply because you redefine trust for yourself.
Speaker 2:Yes, absolutely You're willing to hand it out now like candy on Halloween? Yeah, like, imagine if you are you one of the full size candy bars? You don't give away a full size candy bar. Some people are crazy. They give away full size candy, do you really? Yes, here's what I think, and I love that you're one of those people. I think because we always found that house in the neighborhood and we would go to it two or three times if they gave away full size candy bars are always like oh my gosh, these people are crazy.
Speaker 2:If you have, if trust is like Halloween and candy because we're coming into October now, and if you're just giving away, like in the States are called Smarties, in Canada they're called Rockets. You know the little okay if we get away.
Speaker 2:Those are little double bubble gum or little fun size bars. Imagine if that was trust. You just want to give everyone a little dose of trust everywhere. I want you to give full size candy bars of trust everywhere you go and I want you to get out trust like it's Halloween and everyone's dressed up. And if you do that, it's just mid level trust. I'm not giving them my bank account, I'm not giving them my pin number, I'm not going to write. I'm just giving them the basic trust so I can build from there so much easier.
Speaker 1:Right, I love that idea. Yes, sounds great.
Speaker 2:So let's keep giving trust out there. I thank you, christy, for telling everyone about your experience with trust and talking about it in real time, because you're in the middle of going through it. Tell everybody where they can find you if they want to know more.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you can visit my website, christy filaney coachingcom. It's K R I S T I F as in Frank a, l a and y coachingcom. They can also connect with me on Facebook and Instagram.
Speaker 2:Awesome. How do they find you on Instagram?
Speaker 1:Instagram is the underscore midlife rediscovery underscore coach.
Speaker 2:Awesome, and so her website will be in the show notes. You can find all the information there that you need to connect with her. If you or anyone you know resonates with this and wants to do that level of work with Christy, I highly encourage you to do it. Go check out our website, christy. Thank you so much for coming on and giving your time today. I appreciate it.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. Thank you for everything.
Speaker 2:I appreciate it.
Speaker 1:What a cool experience it was to be able to share my message of trust and how trust can be such a tricky thing in how we relate to other people in our lives, how we show up in our relationships and how we show up, you know, in every aspect of our lives when we struggle with trust. So I hope you enjoyed that little sneak peek into how my coach and I operate together. But a couple of things that I wanted to leave you with and remind you of is empowering women's coffee and connection and how this month I am adding a new component, an additional coffee and connection that is in the PM, so any woman can join and it's completely virtual, so that means you don't have to be in South Texas to join us. Now I just want to remind you about this group. It is an amazing group of women who want that connection with other women, who want to be inspired by the relationships that can be created when we join a group like this.
Speaker 1:So the next virtual edition of coffee and connections is coming up this Thursday, november 16th. It is at 7pm central and I am going to drop the link for registration inside the show notes. So make sure that you register so that you not only save your spot, but you will also be getting the link inside a reminder email, because I don't want you to miss this one. I am helping you to set up yourself. Set up your mindset for the holidays so that you can navigate the holidays with peace, joy, fulfillment and abundance. So do not miss this virtual episode of empowering women's coffee and connections. November 16th, 7pm central. Click the link in the show notes to get yourself registered. Alrighty, you guys have a great week and I'll talk to you soon. Who is your life coach? I would love the opportunity to work with you as you are rediscovering the woman you were meant to be. Visit ChristyBallardFelaneycom for more information on how we can work together to ignite that passionate, enthusiastic woman who may have been tucked away for some time. Let's start in the middle together.