Part I:Being Ok With Being Alone With Yourself

Welcome to Start In The Middle, I'm your host Kristi Falany. Today, we're delving into a topic close to my heart: embracing solitude for personal growth and self-discovery.

Following significant life changes, including divorce and the transition to an empty nest, I found unexpected strength in solitude. My relocation to Minnesota to support my son's hockey aspirations became a catalyst for profound transformation.

As a certified life coach, I've learned to peel back the layers of fear surrounding loneliness and challenge the habit of 'buffering'—filling silence with noise. In this episode, we'll explore practical strategies for finding comfort in solitude and leveraging alone time for personal development.

Through candid discussions and insights gained from coaching others, I'll share tips on igniting passion and enthusiasm for life, even during solitary moments. This episode aims to inspire a deeper appreciation for the value of self-reflection and introspection.

I also extend a sincere invitation for a 'rediscover you' call, tailored to empower women in their journey towards joy and fulfillment. Join me as we navigate the path to self-discovery and embrace the liberating potential of productive alone time. Let's dive in!

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Transcript

Kristi: 0:01

Hi, I am Kristy Ballard Fellini. I am a certified life coach who found herself at 42, freshly divorced kids off to college, and having never dated in my adult life. I was starting in the middle. If you haven't yet hit, start on your middle time in life, let's do it together. The journey begin.

Kristi: 0:34

Hello, hello, my friends, I hope that this podcast finds you doing well. I hope that you are having an amazing day. I am coming off of a great, restful and relaxing weekend, and so this week I have some projects on the books and I'm raring to go. And so the podcast that I want to share with you today. I actually want to break it into two separate podcasts. Reason being is that I have a lot to say on this topic and I don't want you to miss any of it. I don't want you to feel like you're overwhelmed because you want to listen to the entire thing and you may not have 40, 45, 50 minutes, and so I really really want to make this the best possible effort of giving you some really, really solid information on this topic. But, as I mentioned, I want to break it down into two separate podcasts so that you first have time to mull over the information that I'm going to give you. You have time to really think about it and think about how it resonates in your life and really how you actually feel about the topic, and to do some self-discovery, decide for yourself how you feel about it and if there's more work that needs to be done, and then, hopefully, in the second half of the podcast, you will find answers for yourself, and so I know I've left you in suspense long enough.

Kristi: 2:40

So what is the topic that I want to discuss with you today? I want to talk to you about being alone with yourself. I know that this can feel like a pretty heavy topic. I know that a lot of the clients that I deal with, a lot of the clients that I help, struggle with being alone with themselves, struggle with having time to themselves, idle time to themselves, where they really just don't know what to do with that time, and oftentimes, where they find themselves when they are in that idle time, or when they have that idle time, they tend to do what I call buffering to fill that space, and so how I want to break up these two particular podcasts is that first, I want to tell you that spending time with yourself doesn't have to feel intimidating. Spending time with yourself doesn't have to feel unsettling in your body. In fact, I want to tell you, and I want to share with you today, some of the benefits that actually come out of being able to spend time with yourself. So you may be finding yourself in a season where being alone with yourself actually feels intimidating, or maybe scary or even unsettling, and you're not quite sure how to spend that time with yourself in the most productive manner. So it might look like that you're navigating a divorce, you're experiencing empty nest, or maybe you're just facing some challenges of having that time with yourself, of being in your own company, and so if that is you, I want to encourage you to stay tuned into this episode.

Kristi: 5:21

I first want to share with you my own story of coming to grips with and being okay with spending time with myself. As most of you know, I have not always been a life coach. I have always been open to a journey of self-discovery and a journey of inner growth and inner wisdom, and so that is ultimately what led me to become a life coach. But before that, I had circumstances happen in my life, situations that led me to have to figure out a new way of being and led me to have to figure out who it is that I want to be in different seasons of my life. And so when I truly first discovered this idea of being alone with myself, or even being lonely, was the two years that I spent in Minnesota. So when my son was in high school, he was a very talented young man. He played hockey and we are originally from South Texas, so not very many opportunities to play hockey in South Texas. So he had this extraordinary opportunity to go and attend high school in Minnesota and play hockey. And so for the two years that him and I were there, I noticed that this was the first time that I essentially was on my own.

Kristi: 7:17

My husband at the time, we decided together that, because our life was in South Texas and the move to Minnesota was not going to be permanent, that at that time we would have two separate households Him holding down the fort here in Texas and me up there supporting our son during that high school time. And so this truly was my first experience with being alone. Of course, with my son being in school, you know, and having a part-time job during his high school years. We weren't together all of the time, and I didn't know anyone in Minnesota at that time, and so I truly felt, for the first time, loneliness. I felt for the first time like I was doing life alone, even though I still had the connection with my husband, we didn't see each other on a daily basis and I was inserting myself into a situation where, you know, I didn't know anyone and I really had to decide for myself what I was going to do with that alone time, thank you and decide for myself how I was going to create new friendships.

Kristi: 8:56

And so I remember during that time that I really did a lot of things that were out of my comfort zone. Say, for instance, going and having a meal by myself for the first time at dinner time, going to the gym by myself to take a fitness class. I even stepped out of my comfort zone and attended a women's conference at a church that I had never been before, and I also had to drive two and a half hours away to get there, which meant staying in a hotel room by myself, going to the actual conference and sitting in and listening to the speakers and all of the experiences all on my own. Of course, I met amazing women while I was there, but essentially I was stepping out of my comfort zone to do this on my own. I remember one specific day where I sat on a park bench watching some ships coming in and out of port and I was really just listening to what was going on in my mind and at that time I remember just feeling a sense of peace. I remember feeling a sense of independence. I remember feeling a sense of awe and admiration just simply for the fact of stepping out of what is normally comfortable for me and trying something new. And so I share this story with you because, as I mentioned, this two-year timeframe was the very first time that I had ever spent that much time by myself, and if you have followed my story for any amount of time, I did not at the time know that that was actually going to be the catalyst for the next four years of being completely by myself, because shortly after that two-year stint in Minnesota, a divorce did happen.

Kristi: 11:45

So let's talk about for a minute the discomfort of being by ourselves, because what I wanna share with you is that it is completely natural for you to feel a sense of loneliness when your normal rhythms of life seem to change. Okay, because when life has those unexpected changes for us, it leaves us sometimes with more time on our hands than we have ever known before, and so what I want to offer you is that you absolutely can learn to enjoy your own company. You can learn to enjoy your own company without the feeling of feeling the void with distractions, or without the feeling of feeling like you need to avoid the loneliness. You absolutely can discover how valuable solitude can be in your life, and so some things that I want to share with you to help you to get in the mindset of discovering different reasons as to why it is a good idea for you to embrace that alone time with yourself, and for you to learn to discover how being alone with yourself does not have to feel like loneliness. It doesn't have to feel intimidating or scary or even unsettling.

Kristi: 13:44

When you become comfortable with spending more time by yourself and more time being alone with yourself, there are actually some amazing things that you have the opportunity to discover, and so the first thing that I want to help you to discover is that you have that opportunity for self growth. Learning to be alone provides the space and the freedom for you to explore your thought life. It provides you the space to explore new thoughts and new feelings and new desires without the influence that other people may have when you are not doing this out of a space of being alone. It's an opportunity for self reflection and personal growth, allowing you the opportunity to discover new passions and new interests and new strengths that you actually do have inside of you, and so allowing yourself that space for self growth during your time of being alone can offer you so much personal growth. Another opportunity that you have when you become more comfortable with being alone is the opportunity for inner peace and contentment. When you learn to be comfortable in your own skin, you cultivate a sense of inner peace and contentment that isn't dependent on external circumstances, instead of seeking validation or fulfillment from others or in doing continuous activities to avoid being by yourself. You actually become your own source of happiness and fulfillment.

Kristi: 16:10

Another reason that finding your space of being alone with yourself and your ability to be alone with yourself it actually provides you with freedom in independence. In fact, that entire two years of me being in Minnesota with just me and my son, in the amount of alone time that I had created such an amount of independence for myself and independence that I love about myself, knowing that I am the one that always has my own background, knowing that I am my safety net and I have the ability within me to do things on my own if need be. And so embracing solitude empowers you to reclaim your independence and your autonomy. You no longer have to rely on your own self. You no longer have to rely on others to define your worth or dictate your happiness. Instead, you have the freedom to live life on your own terms, pursuing your passion and pursuing your dreams without hesitation and without reservation. You teach other people that your dreams and your passions do matter, and you're also sharing with others the opportunity for them to do this for themselves.

Kristi: 17:57

And the last thing that I wanna share with you are the benefits that being secure in your space of being alone helps you to have healthier relationships with others, because learning to enjoy your own company actually enhances your relationship with them. Because you are showing up secure with who you are, you become more confident and more comfortable within yourself, and with that confidence comes your authenticity in how you interact with others. You're able to engage more fully and more meaningful with loved ones, without fear of not being who it is that you truly want to be in the world. So, with this specific episode, I want to encourage you to lean into the discomfort and discover the beauty that lies within you during your space of being alone, because you are worthy of love, you're worthy of fulfillment and joy, and it all starts with learning to love the incredible person that you are completely on your own. So I just want to encourage you that you are not alone in this journey.

Kristi: 19:38

Together, we all can unlock the power of self-love and self-discovery through allowing ourselves to see the opportunities that are actually available to us when we are able to spend time with ourselves alone, and so if this is something that you struggle with, I encourage you to reach out to me. I will share more of how I learn, the contentment, the fulfillment that I have created within myself during my times of being alone. I am at the point in my life where I love and I cherish alone time, and so I would love for you to get to that point as well, and so if this is something that you do have a hard time with, please reach out to me at Christyfulenicoachingcom. I would love to get on a rediscover you call, because actually, what we are doing. When we are spending time alone with ourselves and being comfortable with that alone time, you're actually rediscovering who it is that you were meant to be during this season of your life. So connect with me and let's have a chat, because I would love to share with you how you can do this life changing work that I have done for myself.

Kristi: 21:23

My mission is to help every woman that I possibly can to stop just existing in the life that they have and to start creating for themselves the joy, the fulfillment, even in the times when they are alone. You guys have a great week and tune into next week's episode, where I'm going to continue to talk about being okay with being alone with yourself. Who is your life coach? I would love the opportunity to work with you as you are rediscovering the woman you were meant to be. Visit Christyballardfalaniecom for more information on how we can work together to ignite that passionate, enthusiastic woman who may have been tucked away for some time. Let's start in the middle together.