Start in the Middle

Trust Yourself: A Path to Self-Discovery

• Kristi Ballard Falany

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Ever had that gut feeling you just couldn't shake about something not feeling quite right? I certainly did, and it led me on a profound journey to listen and trust my inner wisdom, a journey I'm sharing with you today. This episode is all about the power of self-trust. I share a personal encounter where I had the opportunity to avail a service, but decided to listen to my gut feeling and chose not to. This simple act of listening to myself not only saved me from a possibly regretful experience, but it also reinforced the power of trusting my instincts.

Now, imagine knowing your strengths and weaknesses so well that making decisions becomes second nature. That's exactly what we're going to explore in this episode. Through fun and interactive quizzes, I take you on a journey of self-discovery, providing you with powerful tools that can help you identify your strengths and lean into them. As a bonus, I've prepared a free quiz for you to get started on this journey. So let's trust our inner wisdom, take those small steps towards making decisions that align with our strengths, and create a life that we truly love. Listen in and allow my experiences to inspire and guide you on your own journey.

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Kristi:

Hi, I am Kristy Ballard Fellini. I am a certified life coach who found herself at 42, freshly divorced kids off to college and having never dated in my adult life. I was starting in the middle. If you haven't yet hit start on your middle time in life, let's do it together. Let the journey begin. Hello, hello, my friends, how are you today? I hope that this podcast finds you having an amazing day.

Kristi:

For those of you who are just now tuning into my podcast, I am Kristy Fellini. I am a trauma-informed certified life coach and I am a champion for women who are ready to rediscover who they were meant to be at this point in their lives. You see, there comes a time in life where we just kind of look back and we start to think here has all the time gone and what happened to the woman that I thought I would be at this point in my life? If that is you, I can help you. I can help you rediscover who it is that you were meant to be, so that you can utilize the skills within my coaching program to help launch you into the future you and help launch you into the amazing, abundant, joy-filled life that you were actually meant to have. So let's dive into this week's episode. Let's dive into this subject matter that I have for you. I do a monthly women's empowerment group and it's called Coffee and Connections. This particular topic is really something that I have been focusing on for the last month. In fact, my own coach and I did a podcast episode together for his podcast, but eventually you're going to hear it here on my podcast as well. This is a topic that I have been just really thinking about and really concentrating on in my own life. I want to start this episode off by telling you a story. I have really been getting out into my own community and really trying to just network and meet new people and get acquainted with people in my community.

Kristi:

Not too long ago, I had the opportunity to meet someone in the medical profession. This particular person and I. We were talking about the different services that they offer in their own business. I said, wow, this is something that I have been thinking about for myself. We started talking about how this could be utilized in my life, how it could help enhance my health and all of the things For myself. I just wasn't quite there yet. This person, I am sure, had the best intentions, the best at heart. They said hey, I'd love to put you on the calendar for next week what day works best for you? I got to thinking okay, maybe this is something I could try. I said Fridays are normally the best days for me, but I really want to check my schedule. I got in the car, started heading home and before I had even gotten home, I had a message on my phone saying hey, I just wanted to let you know that I set two hours aside for you this coming Friday. However, what I had left that conversation with was let me check my schedule, because, remember, I had said that I wasn't quite sure that this was the correct avenue for me, that this was a service that I felt like I really needed at this time. I thought well, what's the harm, let me just sit on it for a while. Let me continue to listen to my intuition, continue to listen to myself, my inner wisdom. As the time gets closer, I'll see if this is something that fills an alignment with me.

Kristi:

As the time got closer, I wasn't getting any closer to feeling an alignment. I was still having interpretations about it. I decided that I wasn't going to keep the appointment. I went ahead and I gave the office a call. When I told the practitioner that I was not going to keep the appointment, the first thing that they said was why. I can understand that. I can understand them wanting to overcome any objections that the client might have. I understand that when you're in sales, you can pretty much bet that you want to help the client overcome any objections that they might have. My answer was I'm not ready. I thought that that would be the end of the conversation I'm not ready. The practitioner went one step further and said what can I do to help you get ready?

Kristi:

This particular sentence just really didn't sit well with me Inside my body. I just felt like this squirming sensation. I want to Look into my inner wisdom for when things don't feel quite right. Right, and this question innocent enough and there could have been no ulterior motive or anything behind that. I'm sure that this person had my best interest and had nothing but the desire to help at heart, Right, but it just didn't feel good inside of me. And as I questioned why it just didn't feel good inside of me, I knew exactly what it was, and that's what I want to share with you today.

Kristi:

Today, I want to talk to you about self-trust. Okay, trusting your inner wisdom, trusting that you have all of the answers inside of you, and trusting when something just doesn't feel quite right. Because when that feeling pops up into our body, we naturally want to give others the benefit of the doubt and we want to try to push it away. We want to try to people please and go ahead and follow through with the thing, even when it doesn't feel quite right in our body, even when you have that squirmy feeling and you can tell that it is not in alignment with you. Right, and the reason that we do this is because we don't want to let other people down. We know what rejection feels like, and because we know what rejection feels like, we don't want to project that onto somebody else. We don't want to be the cause of them feeling rejected, right, and so oftentimes we choose to not listen to our inner wisdom. Now, as I mentioned, it took me a little bit right. It took me some looking inward, but I know exactly where this particular feeling comes from. I know exactly why that sentence made me a little squirmy in my body.

Kristi:

As part of my coaching journey, I want to be able to help my clients as best as I possibly can, and so it is so important for me to be as informed on all mental wellness aspects. And so, along with my coaching certification my life coaching certification I wanted to take it a step further and I wanted to become trauma-informed. I took a course called Relationship Trauma-Informed Coaching and throughout this practicum, there were certain times when we acted as our client right, because as a coach, you are your best client and you're also your worst client, okay. And so during this time, I got to really dive into my past, my experiences and how I show up in my life today and the big aha that I was able to take away from doing the work and doing the practice inside this course to become a trauma-informed coach.

Kristi:

Something that I discovered that I did not already know about myself is that I have a lack of trust for men, and because of this, there are certain ways that I show up in my life because of my lack of trust for men. Now, there were several different things in that have happened over the course of my life that have developed this lack of trust. Okay, and when we talk about trust, we are talking about your inner knowing, we are talking about your feelings of safety. We are talking about trust within your relationships, not only with your significant other, but also the relationships that you have in your life, and so, like I said, this is something that has developed in me over time. I did not realize how it was actually showing up in my relationships until I was able to pinpoint it down to a couple of different experiences that happened in my life. Okay, and, as I mentioned, it is a mistrust of men. And so when this physician asked me, how can I help you get ready? And the fact that this physician was a male, that is exactly how I knew that this was not in alignment for me. And so when I was able to put the two things together the fact that I know for sure that I have a struggle trusting men and that this was a male physician that was saying to me then, of course, it would make sense that when I had that intuition hit that hey, this doesn't feel quite right, then I was able to completely understand that it was okay for me to not keep that appointment. Okay, that I was able to listen to my inner wisdom and not want to people please make excuses. It just didn't feel right, and so I chose not to keep that appointment. All right now.

Kristi:

Something else that has happened over the course of me becoming more self-aware in my own coaching journey is that I took a test that would help me to discover my strengths. So what I mean by that is that I've taken the Clifton Strengths Assessment, I've taken the Enneagram Numbers Test, I've taken the Human Design Test, and these are things that I love to do, because I love to look for different ways to help me become more self-aware, and so when I took this test, it was a test that I took through the Y Institute and the Y Institute, when you take this assessment, it helps you to figure out what your main driving force is, your unique driving system, and what that means is why you do the things that you do, and what I love about the results is it quickly solidified to me that God is always going to give you exactly what you need, and so, as I'm taking this assessment, the big aha that I had was that my unique driving system is trust, and so basically, what that means is that everything that I do, I look for where I can trust. Okay, so when I am looking to my relationships, I immediately want to feel the safety and the security of trust. When I am working with new clients, it's important for me that I do everything that I possibly can to show that client that they can trust me.

Kristi:

Some other characteristics of people who have trust as their strength, as their unique driving system they want to become the expert in their field so that they can prove that they are trustworthy. They try to do everything 100% correctly to prove that they are trustworthy. And so, as I was looking at this, I was looking at the different characteristics to see, okay, which ones really resonate with me and after I mold them over because, yes, of course, I want to feel like I have trust in all of my relationships. I want to know that I can trust the people that I'm in relationships with and I want them to know that they can trust me as well. I am that person that wants to show up as an expert, because I want to know as much as I can for whatever the topic is that I am sharing with other people, right, because I want them to know that they can trust me. Oftentimes I do go above and beyond doing things correctly, showing up 100% so that people can trust me.

Kristi:

But as I was doing this inner work and really thinking about how this all resonated with me, something that I discovered is that, if I am following all of these characteristics, I'm actually looking outside of myself for validation in trust. I'm actually looking to other people for trust In my relationships, if I can trust them. I am operating on controlling their behaviors to feel trust and to feel safety. When I am doing all of the things to prove to other people that they can trust me, I am looking outside of myself for validation of trust. And so what I want to offer to you today is what if you had trust in yourself? And what if you went into every situation automatically believing that trust was there? Right, what if you went and met a stranger on the street and automatically went into that interaction with trust? Okay, and so those of us that struggle with trust, this is going to be a tough thing, right. This is going to be a tough thing because we're so used to looking to other people to create trust and to create safety, whereas we're not used to looking into ourselves to create trust and to create safety and automatically thinking that it's already there, all right. And so how do we do this Right? How do we do this? How do we create the trust within ourselves?

Kristi:

And the biggest thing that I want to share to you today, and the biggest aha that I want you to get from this, is that you have built inside of you everything that you already need to gauge the outside world. You have your inner knowing that automatically tells you what feels safe and secure and what feels like trust to you. So what if you tapped into that inner knowing before automatically assuming that trust isn't there? Okay, that's exactly what I did with not keeping that appointment. Okay, I looked to myself to an ask her is this something that you truly desire? Is this something that you want to follow through with? And it didn't feel good, and that's exactly why I chose not to go through with it. So here's what I want to tell you is that, again, you already have that inner knowing inside of you, and so I want to share with you first some of the pitfalls of not listening to that inner knowing and of not trusting yourself.

Kristi:

First, because when you are not operating with trust for yourself, you are operating in self doubt and insecurity. Okay, and when you are operating from a space of insecurity and self doubt, you are creating a routine inside your brain. You're creating a cycle of insecurity. You're creating a cycle of low self esteem when you continue to show up with your insecurity. So, when you continue to show up with self doubt and insecurity, you actually are creating this pattern of playing small in your life. You see, you were created to create. You were created to be creative, and I'm not just talking about being able to paint or being able to quilt or being able to, you know, arrange flowers in a beautiful way. I'm talking about. You were meant to show up in the world with your unique gifts and your unique internal specialties, and you were meant to share those with the world. So if you are constantly, you know, showing up from a place of insecurity or self doubt, you are playing small in offering the gifts that you were created to offer into the world.

Kristi:

The other thing that happens is that when you are looking outside of yourself for that validation of trust and you're constantly doing all of the things to prove that you are trustworthy, this becomes extremely stressful. Right, and I'm sure you're sitting on the other end of the this speaker saying, yes, yes, it becomes so stressful when I'm trying to prove myself in all of the things and what ends up happening is you get to this state of feeling burnt out. It becomes so exhausting of constantly trying to prove yourself that, whatever it is that you are trying to create in the world, you begin to get burnt out. So when you're operating from stress and being burnt out, there are so many missed opportunities Because think about it If you are not creating new relationships because you're insecure, you don't believe in yourself, you're stressed out. That is a huge missed opportunity to have connection, to have relationships, to have bonds with other people right, so that could be a missed opportunity.

Kristi:

When you are operating from self-doubt, that could be a missed opportunity in a goal that you're trying to set. Maybe you have been thinking about a new career, but you are lacking that self-trust within yourself. And then, when you put all of these things together, I'm insecure with myself and I'm trying to prove myself. Therefore, I'm stressed and I'm burnt out, and there's so many missed opportunities, so many things that I wish I could have in my life that I don't. This is where you're going to start to feel regret and unfulfillment, and I promise you, not trusting yourself and missing opportunities is going to lead to regret. So I want you to stop and think right now, even if you have to press pause.

Kristi:

As a midlife person, are there things that you can look back to where you were showing up like this, where you were feeling insecure, you didn't trust yourself 100%, and now there are specific goals that were not met. There were things that you wanted for yourself that you don't have right now and therefore you feel unfulfilled. You feel regret. You feel regret around not creating those relationships. You feel regret over not achieving that goal. You feel regret over the lifestyle in the person that you thought you would be at this point. All of these things can happen when you're not trusting yourself. All of these things can happen when we are depending on others for our validation by placing trust outside of yourself.

Kristi:

So I want to give you some hope here, okay. I want to give you some rock solid reasons on why you need to be trusting yourself, okay. So the big takeaway is that I want you to tap into who you truly were meant to be, and I want to remind you that you have everything inside of you that you need to succeed. You have that inner wisdom. You have your intuition. You have that inner knowing of what is right for you and what you truly want and desire out of life. And when you choose to trust your inner knowing, you're going to find fulfillment in being truly who you were meant to be. It allows you to truly discover and embrace your authentic self. So you're no longer looking to others to validate you. You're no longer looking to others to create trust.

Kristi:

When you do this, it's going to cause you to have a tremendous confidence boost. You're going to start creating new patterns of showing up exactly who you are and exactly who you were meant to be, and doing this is going to create those new neural pathways and this energy. For how many times you do show up with confidence and how amazing that it felt, and your brain's going to want to do that over and over again because it feels so good. And so, therefore, you're going to find those fulfilling relationships. You're going to have those personal achievements. You're going to reach those goals for the desires that you actually want, and maybe, just maybe, it's going to finally lead to that fulfilling career change that you actually wanted.

Kristi:

You see, when you create patterns of listening to your inner wisdom, you are building your resilience, which means that you are able to overcome anything that life throws at you, you're able to overcome those old limiting beliefs that you used to have when you were showing up in insecurity. It's going to help you to make decisions that feel best for you, rather than people pleasing and doing things that do not feel in alignment because you're afraid of letting them down, because you're afraid of feeling guilty, because you are afraid of rejecting them. It's going to create this new opportunity within you that builds the resilience for making decisions from an empowered place, because when you are feeling empowered, it creates this amount of independence within you, because you know that you have this self-trust, and it empowers you to take control of your life. So let's just break this down in the simplest form Trusting yourself is going to empower you to go after your goals. It's going to help you to continue to be inspired by what you have achieved. It's going to help you to be confident in yourself and in your abilities, and it is going to give you the resilience to handle anything, any circumstance that life throws at you. And the last thing that I want to leave you with is that, when you are trusting yourself, what is the worst thing that can happen? What is the worst thing that can happen when you bet on yourself. All right, you guys, I hope that this podcast episode helps you to feel more empowered. I hope that it inspires you to truly listen to your inner wisdom, to truly listen to your intuition, and to help you to develop and begin the process of creating new beliefs when you are able to trust in yourself first.

Kristi:

Hey, I also have a free gift for you. If you have not yet taken my free quiz Uncover why Life Feels so Hard After 50, I encourage you to head on over to my website it's wwwChristyFelaneyCoachingcom and take my free quiz. It's going to give you your results within 30 seconds. It's also packed with actionable steps that you can begin today to help you on your journey of creating a life that you love, that is full of purpose, full of joy, full of fulfillment. So head on over to my website, christyfelaneycoachingcom. If you have questions about how to create more trust within yourself, I encourage you to reach out to me. Shoot me an email straight off of my webpage or connect with me on either Facebook or Instagram. I would love to have this conversation with you. All right, you guys, trust yourself. Be your authentic self, because you were created to share your gifts with the world. You guys, I'll talk to you soon, thank you.