Start in the Middle

The Transformative Question: A New Approach to Relationships

• Kristi Ballard Falany

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What if you could revolutionize your relationships with just one simple question? Today, I, Kristy Ballard Falany, will be your guide on this transformative journey. Imagine the power that comes from asking, 'How do you want to be treated?' This question, simple yet profound, can open up a world of deeper communication and understanding. By stepping into the shoes of others, we not only foster empathy and compassion, but also ensure our own needs are met. Let's explore together how this question can shift the dynamics of your relationships and bring them to new heights.

A vital part of enhancing relationships is understanding our own needs and desires. It's crucial that we invest time in self-discovery, especially as we enter the middle stages of life. It's during this time that we often lose sight of our true selves. This is where having a life coach can be immensely beneficial; they can assist in guiding us back to our authentic selves, rekindling our passions, and reigniting our zest for life. As we delve into this journey of self-discovery, we'll be sharing personal stories and practical examples, providing you with the tools to strengthen your relationships and rediscover the person you were destined to be. Let's embark on this journey together!

Website: Kristi Falany Coaching.com

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Kristi:

Hi, I am Kristy Ballard Falany. I am a certified life coach who found herself at 42, freshly divorced kids off to college and having never dated in my adult life. I was starting in the middle. If you haven't yet hit, start on your middle time in life, let's do it together. Let the journey begin.

Kristi:

Hello, hello, my friends, welcome back to the podcast. I hope that you are having an amazing day today and I just want to say thank you so much for tuning in. Hey, do me a favor and head back to the show notes and leave me a five star review. If this podcast has inspired you in any way, if there has been a message that really resonated with you, please be sure to share it out into the world. I would truly appreciate that Y'all.

Kristi:

Today I want to talk to you about strengthening your relationships. All right, strengthening your relationships Now, if we have not had the pleasure of meeting yet, I am Christy Fellini. I am a trauma informed certified life coach and I help midlife women uncover why life feels so hard after 50. We do this because we want to rediscover who it is that we were meant to be at this point in our lives, so that we can go out and crush the goals that we have set for ourselves, so that we know that life is super, super short and we know that all the time should be spent on things that bring us joy, that bring us happiness, that bring us fulfillment, and so that is why it is so important for us to uncover the things that are making life hard, so that we can rediscover the things that we actually want for ourselves. So let's talk strengthening relationships.

Kristi:

I'm going to tell you about how you can strengthen any of your relationships with one simple question. This question is going to help you take your closest relationships to the next level. It's going to get you to the level of intimacy that you have never experienced before in all of your relationships, and I'm pretty sure it's going to blow away how others feel about you. If you put this into practice, if you truly listen and you truly implement the way that the person responds, are you ready for it? It all comes down to a simple question you ready? How do you want to be treated? This is what you are going to ask them how do you want to be treated? It's like, wow, right, look, when we are in emotional relationships with other people I'm talking our spouse, our adult children, our aging parents, even our siblings. We develop Patterns and guess what they do too? Okay, they develop patterns and they are going to keep Following through with their patterns, whether we agree with them or not. And so when we ask this question, we're asking them how can I better Serve you? Because what if you're able to figure out ahead of time how You're going to show up right when you choose to ask this question of them? You don't have to second guess your response, you don't have to feel guilty over how you feel about Circumstances. You don't have to grapple with how am I gonna handle this? So let me share an example with you. Okay, now, hopefully this makes better sense.

Kristi:

So earlier this week, my husband told me that he was going to read a book that I Recommended that he read, and it was so important to me that he read this book because I know that I was getting a ton of value out of it and I really thought that it would help both of us to be on the same page With major decisions that we had coming up. And so when he agreed to read the book, of course he didn't give me a timeline as to when he would right. So this weekend, when we had some free time, of course, this would be the perfect time to read the book, right? Okay, y'all, admittedly, there are a ton of things going on here on my end that I'm needing Some self-coaching around, like I need to stop drop and run that think-filled do model on how I Am showing up in this situation, because there's a lot of assumptions going on here, because I made the assumption that because this book was super important to me, it should be super important to him too. Right. But when I asked him the question, how do you want to be treated when it feels like you're not following through, he was able to give me a clear pathway to greater Communication between the two of us. He was able to tell me it's not that I've forgotten, it's just that I don't feel good today and I really just want to use this downtime to rest y'all.

Kristi:

Here are some of the problems that can be solved by asking this simple question how do you want to be treated? We get to stop Making assumptions that you know what that person needs in this particular situation. You stop making assumption that your needs aren't being met or not being seen. You get to stop assuming that their needs should align With your needs. All of these assumptions are for sure going to lead to Conflict. And when you ask that question how do you want to be treated?

Kristi:

You now both have choices versus letting those anger cards fall wherever they may, which generally most often leads to resentment. You see, ron could have said I'd like reminders, even if I do get frustrated with them, or no, I don't need any reminders. Or I'd like you to ask me if I feel the book is of value, rather than assuming that I would, because when I'm truly listening and following through with how he wants to be treated, I also have a choice in my own behaviors and my feelings and how I want to respond in this situation. I don't have to let resentment fester and continue to be a thorn between us. I know now how he wants to be treated in this and similar situations, so I don't have to let it be a problem for me. You see, asking these questions alleviates any communication issues between you and the other person. You are showing them empathy, compassion and service in a way that is going to benefit both of you.

Kristi:

Now, it doesn't mean that you're putting their needs above your own. It doesn't mean that you are opening up your relationship for bad behavior. It means that you are willing to consider how the other person wants to be treated, and you're doing this as your part in strengthening your relationship. Using this question is going to enhance the way that you, your partner or your loved ones want to help your loved ones communicate with each other. It shows that you value their feelings and their preferences. Let me share with you some of the other benefits of asking this question. Not only is it going to improve your relationship quality, but it will also foster a deeper connection. If you are able to be vulnerable and receptive to what others need from this relationship, it's going to lead to a greater understanding of the other person, which can be a great source of compassion and empathy for what they may be experiencing.

Kristi:

Can you see how this would benefit your relationship with your adult children? Like being able to understand what it is that they may be experiencing in their life, because I know for me. I remember trying to navigate my own independence out there in that scary world when I was in my 20s, and so it would have been amazing in my relationship with my own parents if they were open to the experiences that I was going through in my life. It would have completely enhanced the way that we were able to communicate with each other. It also lessens the stress and strain that we yes, we sometimes put on our own relationships, especially when we misunderstand the needs of the ones that we love, the ones that we actually want to experience peace and a harmonious environment with.

Kristi:

You see, yesterday I was listening to this podcast about how to care for our aging parents, and the biggest aha that I pulled away from that was that asking this question how do you want to be treated is the exact question that you want to ask them sooner than later. Obviously, it is going to alleviate a ton of assumption, a ton of misunderstanding. It's going to allow you to consider their desires of aging in a dignified way. So I would ask this question sooner than later. Now I'm just going to say asking this question is extremely beneficial to any relationship that you truly value and that you truly want to nurture. How do you want me to treat you? Helps you address relationship challenges related to communication, changing needs and life's transitions. It provides a framework for better understanding and for meeting your loved ones needs, ultimately leading to healthier and more satisfying relationships, and I'd be willing to bet that we all want that. So, again, I just want to say thank you for tuning in.

Kristi:

If you enjoyed this episode, please do me a favor and go back and give it a five star rating, and please be sure to share it with anyone who you know who needs to hear this message. Now, that pretty much means everyone you know, because who wouldn't want to benefit from learning how to strengthen their relationships? And if you would like to connect with me on this topic or any other topic that we midlife women deal with, I encourage you to visit me at christyfulenicoachingcom. That's K-R-I-S-T-I-F-S-N-F-A-L-A-N-Y coachingcom, and all of my connection links, all of my social links, will also be in the show notes Until next week. Y'all have a good one who is your life coach? I would love the opportunity to work with you as you are rediscovering the woman you were meant to be. Visit christyballardfalaneycom for more information on how we can work together to ignite that passionate, enthusiastic woman who may have been tucked away for some time. Let's start in the middle together.