Start in the Middle

The Ingredients For Fulfillment and Joy Part 2

• Kristi Ballard Falany • Episode 159

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Have you ever felt thrown off by life's interruptions, struggling to stick to your plans? In this episode, I, Kristi Falany, share my journey of overcoming distractions and staying true to myself. We'll discuss how to push through obstacles to achieve your goals, focusing on identity, self-worth, and self-confidence. Discover how recognizing your unchanging self-worth and understanding that self-confidence comes from your perceptions can help you embrace your true self and live a more fulfilled life.

We'll also explore the power of contributing to others, highlighting that true fulfillment comes from abundance. Learn the importance of self-care and setting boundaries to avoid burnout and give meaningfully. As we conclude our Summer of You series, we'll talk about finding your life's purpose, especially within the women's empowerment movement. Join our community and reconnect with the enthusiastic, passionate woman within you. For more ways to connect and collaborate, visit kristifalanycoaching.com. Let's start this empowering journey together!

Empowering Women: Coffee & Connections~ The Summer Of You Series
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Speaker 1:

Hi, I am Christy Ballard-Fellaini. I am a certified life coach who found herself at 42, freshly divorced kids off to college, and having never dated in my adult life, I was starting in the middle. If you haven't yet hit start on your middle time in life, let's do it together. Let the journey begin. Hey you, I'm so excited that you decided to meet me back here today. I just want to say welcome If this is our first time meeting.

Speaker 1:

I am Christy Fellaini and I am a certified life coach. I help women stop just existing in their lives. I help them create and make the big decisions that are going to push them forward towards the life that they really want. I help them to understand just how important they are and how important the desires of their heart are. So, with that being said, I am super excited that you're here today, because what I had to do was just sit my butt in the chair and hit record, because what has been happening this morning is that there are all kinds of distractions that are trying to pull my attention. The printer's not working correctly, it's trying to pull my attention, the clothes that I'm choosing to wear today, and I don't particularly care for the way that they look on my body, but I am not allowing my brain to be derailed by distractions, because that's what happens sometimes is that we know what we want our day to look like, we know what we have on our calendar set for us to do today, and then all these distractions start coming in and I am choosing what I originally wanted to do today. So I am setting all of those distractions aside. As I mentioned, I just sat myself down, I pulled up the information on my computer that I needed, that I wanted to bring to you today, and I hit record, because this is what I had on my calendar today. This is what I wanted to do for me and what I wanted to do for you. So thank you so much for joining me today and thank you for loving me, even though sometimes I go on little rants and little tangents, because I know that you do that too and we are in good company, okay, and we are not meant to do life alone and remember that part of showing our true selves, our true identities, is being real with each other and sharing with each other that sometimes this stuff happens Okay, and so hopefully you'll find some encouragement in me sharing this with you. Sometimes we just got to sit our little butts down and hit record, or sit our little butts down and do what we set out to do. So thank you so much for tuning in this week. If you did not listen to last week's episode, then I encourage you to go back and listen to it at some time. You don't necessarily have to listen to it before you listen to this one, so do whatever feels comfortable for you. Maybe you want to listen to this one and then head back, but at some point it's going to make so much more sense if you listen to both of them at some time.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so this week I was sharing with you the conversation that I had inside my women's group called Empowering Women's Coffee and Connections, and for this summer I decided to do an amazingly empowering summer of you series. So in the month of June we talked about identity. We talked about sharing your true identity and being comfortable with sharing your true identity, and my hope is that at some point in your life you are going to love yourself enough to be able to do that, to share all of the parts with you. Everything that I just shared with you is me being authentic and real with you. Okay. So in the month of June, we talked about your identity when does it come from and how do you create more for yourself? All right, and then in the month of July, inside the Summer of you series, we talked about the difference between self-worth and self-confidence. I told you that if you add in the ingredient of continuing self-growth, you are going to be leaning into the joy and the fulfillment that you want in your life. However, there is an additional ingredient, and that is what I want to share with you today. So, if you do not mind, I'm just going to backtrack a little bit and I'm just going to tell you a little bit about the three concepts that I had already talked about.

Speaker 1:

So self-worth is your internal sense of being good enough, your internal sense of being worthy of love and belonging and taking up space in this world. What I want you to know is that you were already born with this. You had circumstances that happened along the way. You had role models that didn't show you this, that didn't know that they were already born with this, that they already had self-worth innate in them, and so you might have gotten lost somewhere along the way in understanding that you were already created with self-worth. So what that means is your self-worth does not waver on your qualities.

Speaker 1:

So, no matter what you look like, no matter how skinny you are, how heavy you are, how you hate, how your thighs touch together as you're walking, you still have self-worth and it doesn't matter what's going on around you, what your circumstances are, it doesn't matter the bad mistakes that you made, the bad decisions that you made. You still have self-worth and you still belong. Your self-worth has no bearing on the things that you've already achieved, the things that you are proud of. It doesn't matter where you have failed, it doesn't matter on external validation, on other people recognizing you and saying at a girl your self-worth has always been there and it's always been intact. So how is it different from self-confidence? Okay, so your self-worth comes from your inside and knowing that it's already there. And when you know that it's already there, then self-confidence might come a little bit easier.

Speaker 1:

Now, okay, because your self-confidence comes from outside of you. It is your attitude about the skills and the qualities that you already have, that you already have. It is how you think you compare with the outside world, based on your skills, your qualities, your traits. Your self-confidence is linked to external things and because of that, your self-confidence is going to fluctuate. So you may walk into a situation thinking, yep, this is it. Holding my head held high, I can talk to anybody in the room, I am friendly, I am likable, people love me and I can go for it, right? Or maybe it looks like when you walk into a job interview and it's an unknown and you really, really really need this job to happen, you might be walking in with maybe a little bit of some nerves. You might be walking in thinking I hope, hope, hope that this is for me, but I just don't know. Okay, so your self-confidence wavers and fluctuates based off of the circumstances.

Speaker 1:

However, if you have a solid belief in your self-worth, it's going to play into your self-confidence, okay, so the secret ingredient that I gave you last week that is going to help when you put all of these concepts together the fourth one I'm sharing with you today, when you put all of these concepts together, is going to help you lean into more joy in your life. It's going to help you to feel more fulfilled, more accomplished, more in a creative state of wanting to and understanding that you have the ability to create ability to create your life exactly as you want it, with as much joy, with as much fulfillment, with as much love that you want for yourself. So self-growth, meaning that you are investing in you, that you are continuously learning, you are challenging your brain, you're challenging the things that you already know. You are learning new things. Maybe it looks like you are giving yourself and practicing for yourself self-compassion, self-compassion. Okay. So self-worth plus self-confidence, plus personal growth All right.

Speaker 1:

And then the ingredient that I want to continue on and share with you today to make this equation complete, is contribution. Now I had one of the women inside my empowering women's group challenge me on this. Okay, because contribution looks like helping others, either in your circle or in the community. Okay, and it doesn't matter what community, it is all right Whether it's your church community, whether it is volunteering in a space that needs additional help, whether it is online, any community okay, helping others. And so her challenge to me was Christy, I do and do and do for my family, and sometimes I just feel tapped out. So when you say contribution, it just makes me feel so much more stress, sister, I know that. And so when I am asking you to contribute, part of taking care of yourself.

Speaker 1:

Having self-care means that you are not taking pouring from an empty cup. So I get it. If you give and give and give and you are depleted, you give and give and give and you are depleted, then no, giving more is not going to help you have the joy and the fulfillment that you want. So I would say to you in this instance backtrack and ask yourself the contribution that I'm giving is it to people who are take, take, taking, taking, taking and I'm doing it out of being a people pleaser, therefore it is depleting my cup. Or am I contributing from a space of love because I have loved myself first? It comes from a space of love because I am not already contributing? Is it because I have set personal boundaries around my own self-care and my own capacity to be able to give? Therefore, my cup runneth over and I can.

Speaker 1:

So this is for the women who have time on their hands, the women who feel stuck in. I just don't know what to do with myself. I am just existing in my life. I am spending too much time Netflixing. I am spending too much time in worry over what the future holds. This is for those women who just don't know where to contribute that extra time. This is for those women who have set boundaries around their capacity to love when they feel like their cup is overflowing, okay.

Speaker 1:

So if you have questions on this, if you are that woman who's wavering, thinking Christy, I'm already giving too much of myself I encourage you to reach out to me. Let's have a conversation about where you are giving too much of yourself. Let's have a conversation about where you are giving too much of yourself. Let's talk about why you are giving too much of yourself and let's talk about the ways that you can contribute. That makes you feel good about being able to contribute. Okay, so reach out to me if you need further clarification on this and you want to just talk it through. It's a free call. You've got nothing to lose. But if your cup runneth over and you are looking for ways that you can contribute to help the growth and fostering your self-worth, here are some ways that you can do that. Okay. Find ways to help. Okay, volunteer. Find areas of interest, things that you feel like that organization speaks to me, speaks to my heart. That would be something I would be interested in doing and see how you can volunteer.

Speaker 1:

Try out being a mentor. I look at myself. Even though I'm a coach. I look at myself as being a mentor Because there are times when I pour into other people with no expectation coming back. There are times when I feel that I have gifts to share and I am willing to mentor. That's what coaching looks like. To mentor, that's what coaching looks like. It looks like you and I coming together and seeing each other's thoughts, seeing a new way of looking at things, of new ideas, tapping into a new way of thinking that might be completely different from where you are at. So become a mentor, all right.

Speaker 1:

Another one random acts of kindness. Have you ever done this? Have you ever just paid it forward and paid for this person in the Starbucks line that might be, you know, parked behind you waiting in line? Or have you ever just bought a burger for someone when you noticed them out on the street and God spoke to you saying, hey, I think that person could use a hand up? Have you ever just done just a random act of kindness, I'm telling you, even sitting at a stoplight and letting somebody into traffic, it's a random act of kindness. And just try something small and see how it makes you feel. See how it not only lifts you up, but allow it to lift them up as well. Okay, now number four it to lift them up as well. Okay Now number four. This is the one where we can get kind of stuck. It can get kind of sticky, rather Okay.

Speaker 1:

Supporting friends and family All right, I have a client who has an amazing heart. She is such a beautiful person. However, her friends and her family have become accustomed to her being a yes, girl, have become accustomed to her always being there, have become accustomed to her rearranging her plans if they need her to. So this is exactly what I was talking about when I said setting boundaries around being that yes, person and setting boundaries around continuing allowing those people who are take take takers. I believe in a podcast that I recorded before around different types of friendships, what I called it was the shameless receiver. Yes, that person that receives receives receives all of the energy from us, all of the gifts that we're willing to give, but doesn't feed back into us, okay, and what happens is, just as I mentioned earlier, it can deplete our cup. So, yes, we are called to support our friends, we are called to help our family, but if it is causing you to be depleted in your own capacity to give and to contribute. You've got to make some changes, all right, so be careful about that.

Speaker 1:

One Number five community involvement. Get involved in your community If that speaks to your heart. If being involved in different things in your community speaks to your heart, do it, do it. And if nothing else I know a lot of us have very, very busy schedules A lot of us have so many things on our plate that we are thinking, oh my gosh, christy, I can't add one more thing to my schedule in order to fulfill that equation of contribution.

Speaker 1:

What about donating? What about donations? What about, instead of giving the gift of your time, you're able to give the gift of your funds. You're able to give a monetary donation and, again, find something that speaks to your heart, whether it is pouring into your local church, pouring into a youth ministry, pouring into different areas of your community that might be serving underprivileged children. Find a way that you can donate. Okay, so, lots of ideas here on how you can contribute. Maybe you don't have the capacity of time. Contribute by donating. Contribute by donating, even the things in your closet, things that you don't wear anymore. I know, here in Corpus Christi, we have lots of areas where women who are in shelters, women who are coming from getting themselves out of bad relationships, and they could use the contribution of the clothes that you choose not to wear anymore. I know a specific organization that we have here in our community where we are able to give toiletries feminine hygiene toiletries and I tell you, being able to do that is such a blessing to the people that you're able to give to and such a blessing to you.

Speaker 1:

All right, so what does this equation look like? Self-worth plus self-confidence plus personal self-growth, and how you are contributing to the world, are contributing to the world. I want you to spend some time with each of these and think about how, when you think about all of these things together, not only how you can make this happen in your life, but anticipate and expect that feeling of joy, anticipate and expect how you are going to feel when you tap in to each one of these items in this equation. And the biggest thing that I want you to know is that, when you are working on and working in your self-confidence, your personal growth and what you have to offer this world, it is only going to further enhance the most important piece of this equation, which is your self-worth. Now, if you are someone who has never heard, did not ever know that you were put on this planet with your self-worth already worth, already intact, you need to be working on these other areas to help you build and to remind your brain and remind your soul that you were born with self-worth, you are worthy of love, you are worthy of belonging, you were called to take up space in this world, and so, if you need a little bit of boost in your self-worth and reminding yourself of those things, tap into the other items here in the equation.

Speaker 1:

All right, this is a lot I know, but I also know that when I work on myself in any one of these areas, I see myself changing areas. I see myself changing. I see the way that I think about myself and who I am in this world. All of those petty little things that I try to tell myself that I'm not, or all of those negative thoughts that I have about the way that I look, the way that I am carrying my clothes, the way that I fall short, all of that negativity starts to go away. And this is what I want for you too. I want you to know that you were here for a purpose. You were here for a reason. You were here to experience, show kindness and to be shown kindness too, to accept and receive kindness. I want all of these things for myself and any other woman that comes into my path. So if you're struggling in any of these areas, please reach out to me. I would love to share all of the tools that I have in my toolkit. I would love to share with you where I have come from in my own journey and how I've gotten here. So reach out to me.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to post a link inside the show notes to my personal calendar so you can grab a hold of your free Rediscover. You call, because that's what this is about. This is all about rediscovering who God says that you were meant to be. It's all about rediscovering yourself. So grab one of those free calls. Let's just hang out and have a girl to girl conversation.

Speaker 1:

Also coming up in August is the last installment of the Summer of you series. Inside that session, we're going to be answering the question what is it that you're here for and what are the next steps to bring that into fruition? All right, so I hope that you will join us. We have an amazing group of women who love to share, who want to contribute, who want to meet extraordinary women who are working on the same things that they are. So check out the show notes a couple of links in there and I'll talk to you soon. Who is your life coach? I would love the opportunity to work with you as you are rediscovering the woman you were meant to be. Visit christyballardfelainicom for more information on how we can work together to ignite that passionate, enthusiastic woman who may have been tucked away for some time. Let's start in the middle together. Thank you.