Start in the Middle

Let's Get Real

• Kristi Ballard Falany • Episode 167

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Ever felt like distractions are steering your life away from what truly matters? This episode promises a transformative five-day challenge to help you reclaim your focus and craft a life you genuinely love. We tackle common distractions like social media and Netflix, as well as subtler ones, such as self-comparison and prioritizing superficial concerns. By delving into how our experiences shape our anticipations and lead to distractions, we encourage a shift towards meaningful connections and a purpose-driven life. You'll learn to "get real" and embrace your true self, paving the way for a more fulfilling existence.

Our journey continues with a deeply personal story about the power of vulnerability. Sharing an embarrassing moment at a dinner with friends, we reveal how showing up as our true selves can lead to liberation and stronger connections. This episode highlights the energy wasted on maintaining false images and the joy that comes with embracing uncertainty. As we wrap up, you're encouraged to perform an anonymous act of kindness and be genuine with at least one person today, setting the stage for a life aligned with your true desires and values. Join us weekly for more insights on overcoming distractions and living your best life.

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Speaker 1:

Hello, my beautiful friends, thank you for coming back to the podcast. I have a very special treat for you. Back in the beginning of September, within my community, I did a five-day challenge called Undistracted. How this challenge worked was that we got together as a community for five days straight and we talked about all the different ways that we can become distracted from the life that we truly want to create for ourselves. So what I have done is I want to invite you into that space. So for the next several weeks, I am going to share with you on this podcast the recording that we did so that that you, too, can become undistracted in your life. Now I encourage you. There are specific practices that we did each day to help us to unwind and help us to become undistracted in different areas of our lives. So I hope that you will also complete those practices, because my wish and dream for you is for you to create the life that you truly love, and being undistracted is going to help you do that. So listen in and enjoy. Make sure that if you have any questions about any of the topics that we talk about, that you reach out to me either on my website, through Facebook or Instagram because I would love to hear from you.

Speaker 1:

This week, we are talking about things that distract us. I touched on this a little bit during our last Empowering Women's Coffee and Connection group, and I think that people were a little bit kind of blown away when we discovered the things that really can be distracting for us. Okay, because oftentimes, when we think about being distracted, we think about, you know, um, allowing too much time on social media. We think about spending too much time, um, you know, uh, maybe watching Netflix, where we really would love to be productive. We spend maybe too much time contemplating things that we should be doing, that we want to be doing. That kind of pull us away from the joy, the peace and the contentment that we actually want in our lives. And so my goal this week is to show you different ways that we sometimes can be distracted, so that you can rethink those things, so that maybe it needs to be a reframe Maybe it's catching it when it starts to come up, because too much time being distracted takes us away from our purpose here on earth. It takes us away from the joy and the peace and the contentment that we truly want in our lives In order to kick off this week of being undistracted. Kick off this week of being undistracted. We have got to decide that we're going to get real. Okay, and what I mean by that is that when we are thinking about a life in community with other people, having meaningful, true relationships, those give and take relationships If you are someone who listens to my podcast, you'll probably remember an episode that I did on friendships where I talked about the three different types of friends.

Speaker 1:

I know for me, I want real, true authenticity in my life. Okay, when I was, when, when I was growing up, when we were in our twenties, it was all about us, right? It was all about, you know, making sure that we look good, making sure our hair was good, all about, you know, how we look. More than likely, what was happening was that was the big part of where we started seeing ourselves in comparison with others and we started comparing ourselves to others. And then, in the thirties, we started making our homes and then we started, you know, having different thoughts about that and creating comparisons around what other people's homes look like and just all of this Western culture of gathering more thinking about how we look on the outside and being concerned how we show up in other people's lives and how we show up the way that they see us. Right being concerned with how other people see us.

Speaker 1:

But what I want you to think about this week? Because as you start to get older, you start looking for more meaning and purpose in your life, and if you are someone who's been in my community for a while, my hope is that it doesn't matter what age you are. You are looking for more purpose and meaning in your life and when you are being distracted, you are more than likely not showing up as your true, authentic self. So day one we're talking about let's get real. I hope you're. Your brain works. Your brain wants to avoid pain, avoid any type of discomfort. That's how those distractions come up. We don't want to feel uncomfortable, we don't want to feel any pain. So what we try to do is we try to knock that all out by increasing the pressure the pleasure, not pressure, although we do increase pressure when we are living distracted but we try to increase pleasure and create more comfort. That's how we end up doing all the things that distract us. But I really want you to think about what is it going to take to get real, okay. So here's what happens.

Speaker 1:

Over the lifespan, over our lifetime, we have many, many different experiences. We have good experiences, we have bad experiences, and these experiences is what shapes how we anticipate what will happen. What will happen, you guys, that's how we make our decisions, how we anticipate what will happen, okay. And so when we are anticipating, anticipation means that we try to predict things, we try to think of how something will probably work out. That is where we get distracted, and whether we have experienced things as being something good or something bad, and then we start bringing those anticipations into how we show up in relationships with other people. We might equate a circumstance that happened before, where maybe we felt left out or maybe we felt like we weren't good enough. That is going to shape how we predict things are going to happen for us in the future. So this is what causes us to be distracted from living as our full, authentic self, or it causes us to be distracted from sharing ourselves as our most authentic selves.

Speaker 1:

So what is it going to take for us to stop being so distracted?

Speaker 1:

Here's what getting real means. This is what it's going to take. This is what you've got to be. Remember I've mentioned in the past that we have to be in a state of being okay, not in a state of constantly doing, doing, doing. We want to be in a state of being. So here's who we have to be Someone that is brave, someone that is truthful and someone who is unselfish. So why don't you marinate on that for just a second? What's it going to take to get real? Someone who is brave, someone who is truthful and someone who is unselfish. So let's talk about being brave.

Speaker 1:

When you think about being someone who is brave, I don't want you to go to your past. I don't want you to think about all the ways that you didn't show up in bravery in your past. Everything new starts where you are standing. So start today and think about how you can be brave in stepping into being your true, authentic self. And this starts by thinking about what are the distractions that are outside of you that are blocking you from being brave? Is it things like I don't have a nice house, I don't drive a nice car, I don't have cute clothes, I don't have a nice car, my family is a little bit of a mess? Are these types of thoughts, of circumstances outside of you blocking your path from you being authentically you and being brave. So all of these things that are outside of you.

Speaker 1:

Another thing that you need to consider in order for you to start stepping into your bravery is what are the distractions that are implanted inside of you or that have been placed on your heart from others that keep you from being brave? Remember that I mentioned that it is our experiences that shape how we show up, shape how we anticipate things will happen. So things that might be implanted in you, in your heart, placed on your heart, may be some unknowing ways that you looked up to as a mentor that might show up in thoughts of. My family was poor and we weren't accepted. Therefore, I never felt accepted or I felt left out as a child. I must not be lovable or I'm not enough, I didn't get enough attention. And it might be because I'm not enough or that sneaky thought that we kind of talked about already. Comparison I'm just not as pretty as they are Okay. I'm just not as pretty as they are Okay.

Speaker 1:

So two different types of distractions those that come from outside of us and those that have been, maybe unknowingly, implanted or placed on our heart. These are the types of things that the types of distractions that keep us from being brave. So I want you to think about how can you reframe these things, or what can you do today to start stepping into your bravery, because being real, being authentic, requires you to be brave. Now we have talked about if you have been in my community of Empowering Women's Coffee and Connection. We've talked about your self-worth All of those things that I mentioned that keep you from being brave.

Speaker 1:

Thinking thoughts like I'm not good enough, thinking thoughts like I'm not good enough, thinking thoughts like well, my family is a mess and so maybe I'm a mess too, all of those things can distract us from our self-worth. Here's what I want you to know about self-worth. First of all, you are a child created in God's image, and I want you to soak that in, because I want you to think about. If you are created in God's image, but you are believing things like I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy, I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy, I'm not enough, you are basically going against being created in God's image. You're basically telling him that it's wrong, that you are wrong. So I want you to soak that in, because if you are showing up as a child of God, you are already full of your self-worth. Okay, your self-worth has no matter on the way that you view your qualities you were already created with it. Okay, it doesn't matter on things that are happening around you. So if you're thinking thoughts like well, I just don't have a nice enough house, you still have your self-worth. I don't drive a nice car, you still are worthy. And it definitely doesn't have any sort of condition on anything you've achieved, your failures, any external validation you were automatically brought to this earth with your self-worth. All of those other things, all of those other distractions distractions outside of you, distractions internally that are keeping you from being brave. You need to come back to your self-worth and reminding yourself that you are worthy just as you are. Okay. Telling the truth, okay.

Speaker 1:

Being someone who is showing up, living authentically, means that you are someone who tells the truth. The most authentic people are those who are very plain spoken, okay, very plain spoken People who show up truthfully. They have and they know that they've got their self-worth intact, so they don't have to remind people how great their life is. They're just living their life. They don't have to remind people how generous they are. They don't have to make themselves look bigger, because when we are showing up authentically, we are living our lives truthfully, and we are living our lives humbly. Okay, so, bravery, truthfully. The next one is being someone who is unselfish. Okay, now, remember that we're talking about authenticity. All right, we're not talking about good works today. We will get to those distractions later this week. We're talking about showing up in your most real, authentic self, okay.

Speaker 1:

So what does it look like to show up authentically, unselfishly, stop talking. Have you ever met that person that you meet them for the first time or you go to lunch with them for the first time and they're just talking, talking, talking right first time, and they're just talking, talking, talking right, and maybe you don't even get an opportunity to tell them about yourself. Well, I also want to ask you are you that person? Be truthful with yourself, because if this is you, please start asking. Something that I love that my own coach shared with us in her community was be interested, not interesting, okay. So think about that. Are you asking questions about them? Are you being unselfish in wanting to know more about them? Or are you showing up in this situation of you want to make sure that they like you so you tell them, all the wonderful things about you. I promise you, when you show up bravely, you show up truthfully and you show up unselfishly, they're going to love you just as you are. Okay, being unselfish, making loving other people its own reward, without looking for approval or applause, okay. So how can you show acts of kindness today, and how can you make it just a natural characteristic, without thinking that you need to have the recognition or that you need to have the applause, all right. So the three ingredients be brave, be brave, be truthful and be unselfish, okay, all right. So we have a few minutes.

Speaker 1:

I want to share a story with you. This is a funny story. I think that it's funny. So I was having dinner with some girlfriends one night, and these are ladies who I've known kind of on a surface level for a little bit, you know, and again, I'm looking for community, I'm looking for connection, and so I was open. I was open for, however, the dinner was going to play out, and one of the ladies had posed the question, because I think that she was kind of trying to pull us out of our shell a little bit, but she had posed the question what was your most embarrassing moment? What was your most embarrassing moment. And so we kind of all looked at each other and we were all a little bit like, oh I don't know, I don't know, and I spoke up first and I shared my most embarrassing moment. And the funny thing about it is even sharing this with you right now.

Speaker 1:

I kind of get these little butterflies in my stomach and, if I'm being honest, and if I'm being honest, it not only was the most embarrassing moment, but it was also a moment that caused a lot of shame and a lot of guilt for quite some time, and I really debated as to whether or not I wanted to share my answer to that question. But if I'm showing up brave and I am being truthful and I am being unselfish, it felt really, really good to share that embarrassing moment. And what happened for me in that moment of sharing all that shame and all that guilt I gave myself permission to release. And so when you are showing up as your true, authentic self, you're giving yourself permission to love yourself, to let go of the past, to let go of the distractions that may be holding you back from being that wonderful person that other people want to know you as, and you're also giving others permission to do that as well. Okay, so I'm going to be honest with you and I'm going to tell you that I was the only one that night that shared that most embarrassing moment. So, ladies, you still owe me and you're off the hook for now. I still love you, All right.

Speaker 1:

So getting real means that you are starting to forge a path to the right kinds of relationships and you're starting to forge the path to those connections that will lead you to a more meaningful, joyful and purposeful life. Getting real Choosing to get real you're going to find your tribe. So I don't want you to be discouraged or distracted If relationships don't pan out. It means that you're learning. It means that you're growing. It means that you're learning. It means that you're growing and I want to tell you not everyone is for you, okay, but when you show up as your true, authentic self, you're going to discover the people who are and you're going to give them your true, authentic self. Okay, so here is your reflection. This is your homework piece. Remember that you can find this PDF it's like I've done it kind of as a worksheet. It's going to be inside the Facebook group under files.

Speaker 1:

These are the things that I want you to reflect on today. Give yourself the gift of a few minutes time. How much energy are you wasting keeping up with who you want others to believe that you are? Because this is a huge distraction from us when we have to think ahead of time. You know how you're going to look before you show up. Are you going to be in the cutest outfit? Are you going to say the right things? This is distracting us from being authentic.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so spend some time thinking about this. How much energy are you wasting? I want you to also think about are you trying to control everything and avoid the certainty that God naturally built into our lives? Yes, he naturally built uncertainty. We're not supposed to know all of the things. We're not supposed to know ahead of time the beautiful women that we are going to gel with, okay, and are you sacrificing yourself for a false version of yourself? Are you sacrificing who you truly are, because you truly are beautifully and wonderfully made? And then your action steps.

Speaker 1:

I want you to be completely authentic with one person today.

Speaker 1:

Authentic with one person today. Be completely authentic with one person today. And the last thing your plan of action complete, one anonymous act of kindness. And then I just wanted to leave you here with this quote when you let your real self out, you will attract the people who like how you uniquely live and how you uniquely see the world. Those are the ones who long for a real relationship with you as a person, not a relationship with just a version of you that really doesn't exist.

Speaker 1:

This five-day challenge was such an amazing experience, both for myself and also the clients and the participants that joined us, so I hope that you enjoyed day one. I hope that you will take some time to do the practice, just as I outlined it here, and I hope that you will continue to come back to listen to the rest of the Undistracted Challenge. Each week, you will hear about a new way that we find ourselves becoming distracted from the life that we truly want to create. So I hope that you will enjoy and connect with me either on Facebook or Instagram if you have any questions or if you just want to talk further about any of these subjects. Y'all have a great day.