How To Friend: Companionship

True companionship isn't about fixing each other's problems—it's about not facing them alone.

In this episode of the How to Friend series, Kristi explores the power of meaningful connection, the dangers of isolation, and why we all need people who will walk beside us through life's challenges. 

If you're longing for deeper connection and community, be sure to check out the Book Experience linked in the show notes. 

Click to join the Guided Book Experience

Further Reflection Questions:

Where am I craving deeper connection?

Do I allow people to truly know me?

Am I settling for surface-level relationships?

What walls have I built that keep others at a distance?

Who has walked beside me during difficult seasons?

And who might need me to walk beside them right now? 

Thanks for listening. Follow me in Facebook and Instagram. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Life doesn't always unfold the way we imagine. But sometimes the most beautiful growth begins when we choose to move forward anyway. Welcome to She Moves Forward. I'm Christy Filaney, and this is a space of honest conversations about becoming. Becoming more grounded, more authentic, more connected, and more fully yourself. Because healing happens in community, and none of us were meant to do life alone. Let's move forward together. Hey you. So last week I talked to you about loyalty, about the kinds of friends who you know are gonna stick by your side, the kinds of friends who are willing to stay no matter what. So if you have not yet listened to last week's episode, no worries. You don't have to listen to them in any specific order. Just make sure that you do go back and listen to it so that you know the types of friendships that you want to have in your life, and you can identify those women who are willing to stay and who you are willing to get to know and connect with on a deeper level. So, as I mentioned, last week's episode was about loyalty. And this week's episode in the series of How to Friend, I want to talk to you about companionship because we were never meant to do life alone. Loyalty is all about staying, but companionship is walking alongside someone while they are on their journey, being in someone else's life as they are journeying through life, coming alongside them. You know, honestly, I think that companionship is something that so many women are desperately craving. Not only do we want to feel connected with other women, but we want to know that they are going to be there for us through any season of our lives. In case you did not know this, we are in a phase in history where we have the opportunity to be connected in so many ways that we have never been before. And what we do with that connectivity is truly what matters because I think that women are craving that companionship, that connection. I do not believe in any way, shape, or form that any of us is craving more followers, more Facebook friends, more people who just know our name. I'm talking about connection and knowing our heart. People who are willing to walk alongside of us through life's highs and lows. People who simply remind us that we do not have to do this life alone. Now, here's the thing, because I don't want you to get this wrong, but companionship is not about the ability to fix each other's problems. It's actually about facing them together. So when I think about companionship, the scripture that always comes to mind is Ecclesiastes four, nine through ten, which says two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. So we're talking about going alongside someone as they are going through tough season and help lifting them up. I love this verse because it acknowledges something very, very human. At some point, every single one of us is going to face something difficult. No doubt about it. Every single one of us is going to go through a period of life of maybe disappointment, maybe loss, maybe some uncertainty. Maybe you are currently going through a health challenge. Maybe you're in a relationship that is struggling, a season that feels heavier than what you've experienced before. And when those moments come, because they will, companionship becomes one of God's greatest gifts. The ability to have someone who is willing to go through all of these highs and lows together. Now, again, I'm talking about someone who isn't just there to solve the problems. Someone who is actually willing to walk through them with you. So when I think about companionship, the definition for companionship is the feeling of fellowship or friendship. Companionship actually goes beyond simply just knowing someone. It's all about presence, about shared experiences. It's about feeling seen. It's knowing that someone is walking beside you. Companionship actually says, I may not have all the answers, but I'm here for you and I'm willing to find them along with you. And sometimes that is exactly what we are needing. You know, I mentioned earlier about this loneliness pandemic, about how we are the most connected generation in history. I mean, come on, we can instantly text somebody words and messages across the country and they get them instantly in no time, right? We have the ability to video chat with people in different cities across the country. We have the ability to see what someone ate for lunch on social media. Don't you love that when people post their food picks? And yet many women have never felt more alone. Why? Why is that? I'll tell you, it's because information isn't intimacy. Being connected online isn't the same as feeling connected in real life. Many women are surrounded by people and they still feel unseen. They're known by many. I was having lunch with a girlfriend of mine today, and I was shocked by how many people from the community came up to her and said, Hey, how you doing? Or hey, well, I see you on Friday. And you know, hey, remember when we used to? And I was like, Oh my goodness, is there anybody here that she doesn't know? But what she is actually craving is to be deeply known. You know, we might know so many people, but are deeply known by few. And I think it's because our hearts were designed for something deeper than just these casual interactions. We were created for meaningful connections. And for those of you ladies who crave your independence, now I know for a long time I did. I wore that independence like it was a badge of honor. But ladies, what I want you to consider is what that independence may actually be costing you. Don't get me wrong, there are seasons when we feel like we need to be strong. There are tough seasons when we feel like the only way to get through is by ourselves. But sometimes what happens in that independent time is that we become isolated. We don't ask for help, or we stop asking for help from those that we know that we can count on. Or someone asks, Do you need some help? And you say, No, I've got it. I don't want to bother anyone. Meanwhile, what we're actually carrying is burdens that we were never meant to carry alone. I've learned that strength isn't refusing support. Strength is actually accepting someone else's support. Sometimes strength is allowing yourself to be seen and allowing others into that season of your life, allowing someone to sit beside you, allowing them to help carry your load. Now, when I say carry your load, I recently had one of my closest friends who made a big move to another state. And if you at any time have made a move from one state to another, you know that moving comes with all kinds of logistical challenges. But I knew that that wasn't what was really weighing on her heart the most. What she was grieving was leaving behind her people, leaving behind her routines, her familiar places, the friendships and connections that she had created and that had become such a big part of her everyday life. Anyone who has ever moved knows what starting over can feel like. It feels so incredibly lonely sometimes. You know, that feeling where you know where everything is, but suddenly you don't know anyone. You don't have your favorite coffee shop anymore. You don't have your people who you can call and say, hey, let's go and grab lunch. You don't have the familiar faces that make a place feel like home. And so as she was preparing for this transition, I just kept thinking to myself about what our companionship looks like. And not because, you know, I knew that I had the answers, or not because I felt like I could fix the challenges that she was facing, but because I didn't want her to feel like she was facing them alone. So I made the conscious decision to go and stay with her for her first couple of weeks, not to solve her problems, not to make, you know, this huge transition disappear, simply to be there for her, simply to help her unpack the boxes, to go and explore her new city with her, to sit on the couch and give her that familiar time of us just talking and chatting and laughing, and most of all being available to her to just listen, to help make this new place feel a little less unfamiliar. And the more that I thought about it, the more that I realized that is what companionship really is. It's not about rescuing someone from a difficult situation, it's not fixing a difficult situation, it's not about having all of the right words. It's simply saying, I'm here. You don't have to walk through this by yourself. I think that's why companionship is so powerful. Because some burdens, they tend to become lighter simply because someone else is willing to carry them with us. And some seasons become easier simply because someone is sitting beside us while we are walking through them. And y'all, there is such huge power in feeling like you are being seen and feeling like you are being heard. In fact, one of the greatest gifts that we can offer another woman is simply our presence, not the advice, not the solution, not the list of things of, well, you should do this or you should try that. No, it's simply being present, being by their side. Most people don't need someone to fix them. They need someone to say, That sounds hard. I'm here for you. Tell me more about what you're going through. There is something incredibly healing about feeling like you are seen and feeling like you are being heard. And unfortunately, there are so many women that I have met through the years who are not being able to experience this. And to be perfectly honest with you, this is one of the biggest reasons why I chose to create shared experiences inside my coaching program. This is the exact reason why I host retreats for women, why I host book studies and intentional gatherings, because all of these things are so powerful because having these shared experiences is actually what helps us to create the connection. And if we are willing to grow in those connections, they help to create this companionship, which is what we're truly craving. And what happens in these spaces is that these women are learning together, they are laughing together. Sometimes we're crying together, and oftentimes we are growing, and something so beautiful just happens. What I've seen is walls that were built up around being independent are slowly starting to come down, and women are realizing I am not the only one. You guys, I have watched complete strangers walk into a room unsure if they belong, and they leave feeling deeply connected with other women, and it's not because all of their problems are fixed, it's because they feel seen, because they feel known, they have been heard, and they have been reminded that they don't have to walk through this life alone. So, as always, I love to share with you opportunities for you to reflect, for you to think about the connections that you want in your life. So I have some very specific questions that I want to share with you around companionship. Now, what I'd love for you to do is that if you don't have the opportunity to write them down right now, come back to this point in the podcast at a later date and really spend some time with these questions. All right. These questions can be so powerful for you as you are reflecting on the types of relationships that you want to have in your life. So, number one, where am I craving deep connection? Where am I craving deep connection? And maybe the answer to that question isn't in your friendships. Maybe it's in your intimate relationships, maybe it's a deeper connection with your spouse. And so you can take all of the information that I've shared with you today on companionship and transfer that into any of the areas of your life where you are craving deeper connections. So that is the point to spending some time allowing yourself to really reflect on this question and to really allow your brain the opportunity to help you to answer that. The other question that I want you to ask yourself is do I allow people to truly know me? Like, are you giving yourself the opportunity to let the walls down and be vulnerable and allowing yourself to truly be seen? And if you are not, I encourage you to reach out and find those relationships where you feel comfortable in doing so so that you can create those deep connections that you are truly craving. Now, if you are someone who is not allowing yourself to be truly seen, I want you to ask yourself what walls Have I built that keep others at a distance? Like, are you that person who thinks that you are the only person that you can rely on? You've allowed your independence to keep others at a distance. So there are so many other questions that you can ask yourself around companionship. And I will post them inside today's show notes if you want to dig deeper. But I truly feel like these three are going to give you some amazing insight about yourself that will slowly start to allow you to open up to the possibility of creating the connection that you deeply desire in the companionship that you want in your life. So I want to challenge you this week. You know I love a good challenge. This week I want to challenge you to make the first move. Okay. And again, this is about bringing those walls down and opening yourself up to vulnerability. But I want you to make the first move. And I want you to invite someone. Invite someone. Maybe invite them to coffee. Maybe invite them to go take a walk. Maybe invite them to go see that movie you've been wanting to see, but you don't want to go alone. Okay. Take this challenge a bit further. Pick up the phone. Call someone that you haven't connected with in a while. Or maybe even send them a text. But reach out to a friend that you've been thinking about. Don't wait for connection to happen to you. Create it. Because companionship often begins with a simple invitation. So I will say it again. We were never meant to do life alone. Not celebrations, not heartbreaks, not transitions like moving to a whole nother state. God created us to connect with each other. He created us to be in community, to be in companionship with one another. And while none of us can remove every hardship from another person's life, what we can offer them is something incredibly powerful. Our presence, a listening ear, a seat at the table, a reminder that they don't have to do life alone. So before we go, I want to leave you with one final thought. If you've been listening to this episode and you're thinking this is exactly what I've been missing, I've been craving deeper conversations. I've been craving meaningful connections and a place where I can grow alongside other women. I would love to invite you to join us in our guided book experience. This isn't just about reading some really good books. It's about creating space, space to be seen and space to be heard. It's about space to learn, to reflect, to share and connect with other women who are navigating many of the same questions and challenges that you are. You see, week after week, we will come together, not just to discuss what we're reading, but to encourage one another, to support one another and remind each other that we don't have to do this life alone. So if that sounds like something your heart has been longing for, you will find all of the details and how to register inside the show notes. And I am so excited to have you come along and join us. All right, you guys. So this has been the second in our series of How to Friend. Our first podcast episode was about loyalty, about the friend that stays. This podcast episode is all about companionship and being there for one another. You will not want to miss the next two episodes. Have a wonderful day, and I will talk to you soon.