The Hungry Mother: A Poem On Healing from Narcissistic Parenting

Have you ever felt an insatiable hunger for love and validation?

In this episode, I explore ‘The Hungry Mother,’ a medicine poem that speaks to the experience of, and healing from, narcissistic parenting.

Put simply, narcissistic parenting is where the parenting is all about the parent; the two main features of which are where the parent wants to be seen as perfect, and they feel entitled to ‘get’ love and their childhood unmet needs met – from the child.

This medicine poem is written in deep devotion to our wild and humbling human nature.

The word ‘Mother’ is interchangeable with father, leader, school teacher, guru, partner, organisation, friend, foe or self. The hunger is within us all…until.

It’s going to land differently for each of us at different stages of our journey. It might sting or bring tears. It might nudge denial or ignite rage. It might also validate years of confusion.

This is a medicine poem about re-parenting ourselves, about healing, and about coming home to our true nature.

The hungry mother,
A child starved of love, 
Pregnant and hoping,
Fresh blood will fill the void.

Save me, sweet babe,
For that’s why you’re here,
Be grateful to me though, 
Otherwise you’re out on your ear.

Grow my dear child,
But not too much, 
For I will hold you as a trophy,
Then be seen as good enough.

Also be my bad,
The things I hate about me, 
And I will be disgusted, 
With all that I see.

Perform when I need you to,
Be quiet when I say,
Be good with no definition, 
Meet my unmet needs, every day.

Don’t ever challenge me,
For if you dare do, 
I will discombobulate, 
And blame – yes – YOU!

The roles are reversed,
But so what? you need me,
Put up, shut up, 
And get crumbs in exchange.

For I am your Mother,
Without me you’ll die,
So be what I need,
And never, ever fly.

How on earth do we stop,
This cycle of pain?
We stop needing others,
To fill us up in vain.

This impossible task,
Of trying to get love,
Leads us to remember,
Our core essence IS love.

There will be temporary pain,
And yes, it will be hard,
But what’s the alternative,
Getting constantly charred?

The antidote is to love,
Without thirst and fear, 
ALL of ourselves, 
And walk away clear.

Free from the clutches,
Of a contract doomed to fail, 
I am now my own Mother, 
And live to tell this tale!

I realised my own Soul,
Was also seeking outside,
That – which was deep within,
Yet forgotten and denied.

And now the freedom

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:26

Hello, hello and welcome back to the podcast. Today I have a medicine poem for you, entitled the Hungry Mother. So this is a medicine poem in just deep devotion to our wild and humbling human nature. So the word mother is interchangeable with father, leader, school teacher, guru, partner, organisation, friend, foe or self. The hunger is generally within us all.

Speaker 1 1:00

So this poem is going to land differently for each of us at different stages of our journey. It might sting, it might bring tears, we might be in denial, it might spark something we've not felt before, or it might just hit home really, really deep. So, but the other thing is it might also validate years of confusion, because we've had like a couple of generations of really narcissistic parents. We seem to be coming out of it now and learning and having evolving templates of relationship, but there's been a solid few generations where parenting has been really, uh, truly narcissistic. So healing from that is, uh, a journey and it's it's important that, uh, the dynamic is named and validated. But it often when we've had narcissistic parents, that's, that's parents who the parenting is all about them and they want to maintain that and maintain a sense of perfection and maintain a sense of kind of power over and control, then it's just really, it takes its time to come out of that.

Speaker 1 2:20

So here I've got a poem for you. I think it's best summed up in a poem, really, so that, yeah, anyway, have a listen, see how it lands. I'd love to hear from you. Leave me a review. And yeah, here it is. Hope you're well.

Speaker 1 2:41

Okay, the hungry mother, a child starved of love, pregnant and hoping fresh blood will fill the void. Save me, sweet babe, for that's why you're here. Be grateful to me, though, otherwise you're out on your ear. Grow, my dear child, but not too much, for I will hold you as a trophy. Then be seen as good enough. Also be my bad. The things I hate about me and I will be disgusted with all that I see Perform when I need you to be quiet, when I say be good with no definition. Meet my unmet needs every single day, but don't ever challenge me, for if you dare do, I will discombobulate and blame yes, you, the roles are reversed. But so what? You need me? Put up, shut up and get crumbs in exchange, for I am your mother and without me you'll die. So be whatever I need and never, ever fly.

Speaker 1 4:02

So how on earth do we stop this cycle of pain, we stop needing others to fill us up in vain. This impossible task of trying to get love leads us to remember our core essence is love. There will be temporary pain and, yes, it will be hard. But what's the alternative? Getting constantly charred? The antidote is to love, without thirst or fear, all of ourselves and walk away clear, Free from the clutches of a contract doomed to fail. I am now my own mother and I live to tell this tale. I realised my own soul was also seeking outside that which was deep within, yet forgotten and denied. And now the freedom is breathtaking, this feeling of love, of being all that is. I am home, I am love.