Healing Emotionally & Spiritually After Abortion

I want to set up the context for this episode because it’s so important that you know I’m sharing this from a place of love, years of experience working with women, compassion, understanding and no judgment. 

My perspective is non-religious, non-dogmatic, and most importantly – comes from an experience of working in an environment of respect. 

Here are the main elements to consider when healing after abortion:

Identifying What’s Stuck

Themes and beliefs can get stuck when we’ve had an abortion. So that is where we need to start in our healing process because if we try and do the other steps before, it doesn’t work. Our starting point is to tune into the body and feel into what’s the belief about oneself that means we can’t come to peace with what happened. 

Once we identify what’s looping around, we then take our focus off healing from the abortion and work with the theme within our psyche; in this life, through our soul’s journey, and from any generational imprints.

Communing With The Spirit That Didn’t Come Through

Every woman I have worked with to heal after abortion – the spirit is okay, they’re not harmed. Knowing that they’re okay often comes as a huge relief, and helps bring a sense of peace and completion to the experience.

Recalibrating The Body

At conception, our maternal instinct gets activated and there’s an alchemical process that prepares our body for gestation, birth and motherhood.

So it’s really helpful to do some deep, slow bodywork to allow for the completion of that somatically.

Grieving

Having space to grieve with no time limit is helpful, and if your grief feels like it’s dissipating gradually over time, then that’s the natural process of it. 

However, if the grief keeps looping around, then it becomes a trauma loop in itself, and that’s when we need to get underneath it and have a look at what the stuck themes are. 

Self-Compassion vs ‘Forgiveness’

Forgiveness is banded around in the new age psychology world, and my experience of it is that forgiveness doesn’t truly exist. 

What I’ve discovered is that 100% of the time there is no judgment from source energy – NONE – because Source is love. Once we experience that for ourselves, the self-judgement dismantles, all the distorted beliefs about ourselves dissolve, and we can truly come to peace within. 

Energising The Womb Centre

We need to help our womb centre to re-energize because we’ve often pulled away from it due to the emotional, spiritual and physical stress we’ve been through. 

We need to have a good amount of energy in our womb to help our cycle clear out debris; physically or spiritually.

3 Ceremonies To Heal After Abortion

Miscarriage: 9 Guidelines To Heal Emotionally & Spiritually

Chapters

• 0:00 Healing After Abortion
• 18:41 Embracing Self-Compassion and Healing
• 25:30 Reconnecting With Womb Wisdom

Transcript

Melanie: 0:26

Hello, lovely ladies, and welcome back to this episode. That's all about healing emotionally and spiritually after an abortion. So I want to set up the context for this because it's so, so important. I'm coming from a place of sharing this with love, with compassion, with loads of understanding and with no judgment. It's non-religious, it's non-dogmatic, and the most important thing when we're thinking about this even just thinking about this is working in an environment of respect respect for choice, for each and every single woman's choice to have a baby or not to have a baby, whatever we want to do with our bodies, is our choice. So that's what pro-choice means to me, and so I really thought that was very important to set up, because there is a lot of judgment in our culture and it doesn't do anyone any good, including the people judging, because I see women struggling with this for years and years and I only see people when they've tried, often when they've tried like this and that, and you know many things really and I've just come to a place of absolute despair, of like I can't seem to come to peace with. This is the common thread. So I'm going to talk you through some steps that work and also I'm going to explain why they commonly don't work until we look at what the stuck themes are, work on the stuck theme and then go through those other steps. So I'll just summarize them here. So I'm going to talk about identifying what's stuck and then working with the stuck themes through your life and your soul's journey, versus just trying to heal by focusing on healing the abortion. The steps I'm going to talk about to then have a look at, to come to peace with oneself are communion with the spirit that didn't come through, recalibrating your body, grieving, and then the difference between forgiveness, which is banded around a lot and can be very confusing and really stick the process, so the difference between forgiveness and self-compassion and coming to peace, which is just more realistic, and then energizing your womb center. And then in the blog post, I've put further resources for you to have a look at. I've written a blog post on three ceremonies to heal after abortion and, yeah, any of the links I will put in the blog post for you and that is in the show notes.

Melanie: 3:22

Okay, all right, so I'd recommend take your time with this podcast. Yes, you might be activated. So I just recommend you pause it when you need to be really, really kind to yourself and know that. I'm just going to talk you through what genuinely works, and I know that often really really helps women who are very confused as to why this, this, you know, won't move really. Okay, all right then. So here we go, healing emotionally and spiritually after an abortion, Okie dokie.

Melanie: 4:05

So stuff gets stuck when we've had an abortion and it just, it just gets stuck. So that is where we need to start, because if we try and do the other steps before it, just it kind of half works, which means it doesn't work really. So the work we do at first is to really just tune into the body and feel into what is the belief about oneself that means we can't come to peace with what happened. So the common one, the most common one, 95% of the time is that we've done something that's just unforgivable. We've taken a life, we're dreadful, we don't deserve to have a life, we've killed a baby. Those sorts of beliefs deep down. That's what makes an abortion kind of stick.

Melanie: 5:07

When I say stick, it means we can't move forward, we can't come to peace with it. We're just like, oh, keep going over it, over it, over it, over it again, and not necessarily the decision, but this sense of being feeling bad, being bad, being unforgivable, having taken someone's life, stays with us and that is what needs working on. So once that's identified, we then work. We then take our eyes off it being healing after abortion and what's going on. We work with the theme that's actually active in the body and the psyche that's looping around, and that is usually that we're just unforgivable. Somehow there might be different expressions of that, but that's what it really comes down to.

Melanie: 6:02

So, yeah, then we have a look at this life. Is it rooted in this life? Well, okay, we've got the abortion as an expression of it. Sometimes there is perceived perpetration. That happens when we are little. We might have pushed our sister or something and they ended up burning themselves and we got blamed for it, or we kind of didn't. We failed to stop our brother falling in the pond and he nearly drowned and parents blamed. You know us as well.

Melanie: 6:38

So those sorts of things can can stick in our psyche as that we've done something terrible, that we're terrible people, that we're unforgivable, and so we need to have a look at that in this life. It may or may not be there, but it's worth looking, to be thorough, and then we have a look, and this is a really important point. We have a look in other lifetimes Now. Some people call them past lives. I just kind of call them other lives now, because I see our psyche as circular, not linear. It's a bit like a tree stump. If you cut that in half, you see all the rings and I experience myself anyway as at the center of that. And then there's all these ripples going outwards and coming back inwards of different realities that we exist on and we need to look at those realities. So some people say it's quite metaphorical, some say it's past lives or other lives.

Melanie: 7:39

Really, to me it doesn't matter that much, because we're going into our subconscious and with with the specific intention of having a look at, with the specific intention of having a look at why we think we're unforgivable, okay. So when we go into that, why we think we're unforgivable, uh and I guide someone, by the way, I don't channel what has happened. That's not reliable. Um, if somebody is offering to channel that, we don't get the whole picture. We might get some. It might move some affect, which is the emotion, the physicality of the emotion stored in the body, and so I don't and I won't do that, but I work with someone to guide them into a kind of state, a slightly altered state. Guide them into a kind of state, a slightly altered state, where we can access our subconscious and our different expressions of self. It's really possible, it's not actually that hard, but you just need to be really focused about it and confident with it. And, yeah, it's, it happens.

Melanie: 8:50

So we go into the other lifetimes, let's say, and we find the roots of feeling unforgivable there, and really it is usually, again, 95% of the time, when we have hurt someone, when we've done something, and there can be all sorts of expressions of this. But we then feel, you know, whatever narrative has gone on, whatever happened, whatever drove us to do that, needs uprooting, basically, and processing and understanding and reconsolidating, and then we can see how we feel about the abortion. It's often clears that sense of feeling unforgivable. Sometimes it's knitted into multitude of things, um. So I don't also want to give you this kind of magic wand, one session or or you know, one meditation idea that you could just oh, it was that and then it's gone. I'm open to the fact that that may happen, um, but often it's knitted into a few things. It depends where you're at, really, depends how much um therapeutic work you've done in this life. It just depends on a number of things.

Melanie: 10:14

So I'm not trying to tell you it's overly complicated. But I'm also wanting to be realistic, that it's not. No one's got a magic wand. If we had, we would just bloody use it, wouldn't we? So, yeah, that's what we need to do. We need to do that, and sometimes there's a bit of generational stuff as well, and I really want to be clear about this as well.

Melanie: 10:40

When we have generational roots, say, there are some generational roots and it's pretty likely, given all the things that have happened about childbirth and stillbirth and backstreet abortions and all that kind of thing, it's likely that there are some generational roots. However, it's really an illusion to think that we're just carrying it for somebody else and it's not mine, and we can just let it go Again. If that worked, we'd all be doing it, but it doesn't work. I've tried, really. I have tried, and my psyche has wanted to go there sometimes and going yep, it's generational, yep, but then do the generational work and there's always a resonance in the soul's journey. So our soul is resonating at certain frequencies and we do tend to land with lineages that are of a similar frequency and so they amplify.

Melanie: 11:41

So real root work is done through this life, the soul's journey, and through our generational lineages as well. It can take anything from a few sessions, let's say, to six, eight months. It really depends on where you're at. But it's really important for me to be very realistic and to know that this doesn't happen by someone channeling it for you. I know that's kind of popular sometimes in some areas and it can be helpful with certain things, but personally I just I really don't think it's empowering, because we need to really face ourselves, to really come to an understanding and come to peace with ourselves. Okay, so that's working with the stuck themes.

Melanie: 12:35

So once we have done that root work and the sense of being unforgivable has pretty much dissipated, as you know, the options, as again, were unforgivable, not deserving, unworthy that sort of thing. Once it's the heat is taken out of it, it doesn't have to be completely dissolved. Once the heat is out of it, we can start this process, and the first process is communing with the spirit that didn't come through. Again, this is a process where we speak directly to the soul, not anyone channeling it for us, because we need that connection. We often need to know that that soul is okay and, hand on heart, every person I have done this with their spirit is okay, they're not harmed, and they often really chilled. Actually, they say stuff like oh, it's all right, oh, no, yeah, I can wait. They either wait around, they say I can wait, and it's not attached to any particular lifetime, because of course, in spirit we don't have the constraints or the structure of time. I know this might feel a little bit metaphysical, but it's what they say, it really is what they say, and often they're very understanding as well and feeling that direct connection, getting that feeling from that spirit is often very, very, very relieving. And knowing that they're okay and they're either going to hang around or they might say like, oh, that's all right, I just went off somewhere else or I'm totally okay and I understand that's generally what they say. So so I hope that brings some peace. If you are thinking about really going deep with this. So yeah, that's communing with the spirit. That didn't come through, ok.

Melanie: 14:37

Next up, we have recalibrating your body. So at conception our maternal instinct gets activated and there's some sort of alchemical response that prepares our body for gestation and for birth and for motherhood, and so that process is started and if, say, there's an abortion at six weeks, eight weeks, you've got eight weeks worth of preparation in the body. So that process has started. But then it gets kind of cut short in a way, the process gets stuck in the body as well. So it's really helpful to acknowledge that and again do some really nice, deep, slow body work to allow the for the completion of that, just somatically, of the nervous system, of any felt sense, and I know this might sound pretty metaphysical but it's just. It is a very grounded process of just allowing the body to recognize something started but didn't complete and to to allow the completion of that, and that again feels really, really lovely and it helps the actual physicality of the process come to a sense of real peace and completion.

Melanie: 16:09

So next up, we have space to grieve and it's important to remember that there is no time limit on this time limit on this. However, if it keeps looping round and this is something I've often seen is grief that just keeps going and going and going, when it does that, it becomes like a trauma loop in itself and that's when we need to get underneath it and have a look at what the stuck themes are. So if your grief feels like it is dissipating gradually over time, then that is the natural process of it. If it's looping around, we need to get underneath it and you will know here in this. Your body will know whether or not you're looping around or having an experience where it does lessen over time and does come to a sense of completion each time a wave comes.

Melanie: 17:12

So I'm not going to say too much more about grief. I know that there's the different stages of grief and there's different guidance on grief and that's pretty available to us. Personally, when I'm grieving, when I've experienced grief, I just let it do its thing. It feels like it's a force unto itself and I don't, I just like to like. I mean it's a pretty strong experience. I wouldn't say like, but I try and just embrace the experience that it's like an energy coming through me, that just feels like it's coming from the depths of my soul, that just just moves up and through. I prefer to just work with it as it comes in the moment and not try and cognitively understand it in certain stages. But I know that's helpful for some people as well. So just my guidance on this would be to just do whatever you need to do to be able to feel it and let the natural kind of I want to say like wisdom of the grief really work with you, because it is a very powerful and primal and natural thing to occur. Okay, we're nearly there, just two more to go. I hope you're doing okay and taking good care of yourself as you listen to this.

Melanie: 18:41

So the next one is self-compassion and coming to peace with what's happened versus forgiveness. Okay, so forgiveness is banded around in three the healing world in the new age healing world, and I. My experience of it is that forgiveness doesn't even really truly exist. We kind of we make it up and we tell each other to well, all you need to do is forgive, and that's I mean. That's never worked for me. That doesn't work for any of the people I work with. I've talked to my colleagues about it. It's not even really a thing. Work with. I've talked to my colleagues about it. It's not even really a thing.

Melanie: 19:25

What seems to be the reality of it is just really facing ourselves and coming to peace with ourselves about what happened, and this counts for anything. Really, we don't need to in quotes in order to heal at all, because forgiveness, in my experience, isn't really real. It's ourselves we need to come to peace with, whether that's in relation to the abortion, whether that's in relation to having abusive parents or abusive relationships, abusive parents or abusive relationships. It's always ourselves that we feel terrible about Like why did we land with these parents? Why did I end up with that partner? We do blame ourselves underneath all of this, even though we might not feel it at the time, but deep down that's what seems to occur.

Melanie: 20:16

So self-compassion is really facing ourselves and also facing whatever we feel. God is whatever we feel, core energy, universe, creator, whatever word you want to use. However you experience it. It's really helpful to come face to face within ourselves with that energy and 100% of the time there is no judgment from source energy none, because it's just love. I want to really get that across to you. There is never any, any judgment from source, because we are source. Source is just experiencing itself.

Melanie: 21:05

I'm just giving you my experience of this. I don't expect you to believe me, because we've all got to do our inner work to be able to get to that point and see for ourselves, because there's been so much conditioning around this big flipping bearded man in the sky or with a big judgment book whatever religion that is, there's a different version of that and it goes in, it gets into our subconscious and we hold it there and so it's so, so, so healing to come face to face with self, with all we've experienced, not just the abortion, just the perpetration stuff that we perceive we've done as children and in the past lives as well. It's just so healing to really feel and experience that source and have absolutely no judgment and just love and compassion and presence and there's just neutrality. It was just an experience and that's what every single person comes to, that I've worked with, of their own connection. That's what I've come to experience from my own connection my colleagues as well that I work with and, yeah, but we can only get there by doing it ourselves. We can only get the actual relief of that by by coming to that point ourselves. Okay, so that's what I mean by self-compassion, meeting source versus forgiveness, because it just knocks out any need for that even existing. So, yeah, I hope that bit was especially useful because I really think that if we all knew that, we'd all move forward much more easily. Okay, we'd all move forward much more easily. Okay, and we've come to the last point I hope you're all doing okay, and this is about energizing our womb center.

Melanie: 23:10

So when there's been a medical procedure whether that's like a direct procedure and an anesthetic or taking a pill, there are a few different options then we need to re-energize our womb center. Also because the time period when we've made that decision, building up to it, during afterwards has been probably really stressful some sort of inner conflict. There's often a lack of support, who do we tell, etc. Etc. So there's been a stressful period and a very physical aspect to this as well and a very spiritual aspect to this. So we need to help our womb center to re-energize because we've often pulled away from it because we know you know the the pregnancy isn't going to happen, maybe there's a medical procedure, maybe that was painful, so we just you know all the things that can happen we do pull away.

Melanie: 24:09

So to re-energize our womb center means to like, sit back in our womb center, to breathe back into it. To sit back into it to really have the energy in there to help our cycle clear out debris, may that be physically or spiritually, and you can do that just by breathing back into your womb center, putting your hand on your heart and breathing love down to your womb center, and also not using menstrual products that are inside the yoni for a few months. If you do want to use them, it's. It's really much better to let that blood flow out and it does help clear out emotion and debris as well. So, yeah, okay, that's energizer in the womb center.

Melanie: 24:57

Um, we're going to go to further resources now. Okay, and lastly, there are further resources. I've listed them in my blog post. The blog post link is in the show notes if you're listening on any of the podcasting apps and, as I said at the beginning, I've written a free one on healing ceremonies to do after an abortion. Over time, I'm going to be adding to those resources as well, but, yeah, I'll put those in as I see them.

Melanie: 25:31

All right, I really hope that was extremely useful for you and made some sense, as, if you know, you have had that experience and it just won't come to completion. Why it's not coming to completion and some of the elements that you can do to move forwards. Because we need you, like every single woman is needed, every single one of you, and when we're disconnected from our wombs. We're disconnected from our intuition and our deepest wisdom. So I just want to say we need you back, we really need you back and I really mean that. Again, I hope it's useful. Please share this with all the women in your life so that, even if you think they've not had an abortion, they might have. So many women do. And I just want this information to get to people so that each and every woman that's struggling knows that there's a path forwards, that we don't have to suffer and that they've not done this terrible thing and they've not harmed anybody. The spirits are always okay. Okay, all right. Then again, lots and lots of love and I will see you soon.