Why ‘Letting Go’ Doesn't Work and What Actually Does

have you ever tried to ‘let go’ of behaviors that no longer serve you, only to find yourself repeating the same patterns? 

You're not alone. 

The popular advice to ‘release what no longer serves us’ or burning our troubles away on the full moon simply doesn't work—and there's a profound psychological reason why.

What we're actually doing when we try to ‘let go’ is pushing away parts of ourselves that have been working diligently to protect us. These patterns began as vital coping strategies during times when our emotions felt overwhelming. By trying to reject these aspects of ourselves, we create further internal fragmentation and erode trust within our own psyche.

The healing begins with a simple but powerful shift: instead of pushing away, try welcoming these parts with curiosity and gratitude. 

By locating where we feel these patterns in your body and extending compassion to these aspects of yourself, you create an internal atmosphere of acceptance. When we ask these parts how they've been trying to help us and what fears they hold, something remarkable happens—they begin to feel recognized, valued, and integrated rather than isolated and rejected.

This internal shift doesn't just heal fragmentation; it creates a ripple effect that extends to your external relationships. As you generate more self-acceptance, you naturally begin to vibrate at a frequency that attracts more authentic connections. When we stop seeking validation externally and instead create that environment within, others feel drawn to our genuine presence. It's the ultimate paradox—by fully welcoming ourselves, we create the connection we've been seeking all along.

Ready to experience this transformation? I've created a guided practice available in the Sacred Womb shop for just £3 to help you to dissolve old patterns with love 

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:00

Hello , everyone , welcome back . And today I'm talking about letting go and releasing what no longer serves us and how unhelpful they are and what they actually do and what to do instead . So I see this quite a lot and I understand why we try and do it , because we what happens

Welcome and Introduction

Speaker 1 0:26

is we have these patterns . They're basically defenses and coping strategies that are developed when we can't feel what's going on , when it's intolerable . So these defenses , coping strategies , get created so that we don't kind of blow our circuits

The Problem with "Letting Go"

Speaker 1 0:43

, so that we don't feel whatever's going on . That's not nice . So after a while , as adults , we become aware that we're doing things that aren't coming from a place of love . They're generally coming from a place of fear and defense . And what we try and do sometimes is let it go , which I'm just going to say straight , just doesn't work . And we also try the writing it down and burn it in a fire on the full moon Doesn't work . It does if you set your intention and then follow through with action , but it just it doesn't work . And releasing what no longer serves me Well , if we could all just do that by

What Happens When We Push Away

Speaker 1 1:28

saying it , then we'd all just do that . So those don't work and they're quite common in new age psychology and they band about therapy sometimes and they're a load of crap . Please don't do it .

Speaker 1 1:41

What we're actually doing when we're saying I release what no longer serves me and I'm trying to let go , is we're trying to push it away . Now , any sort of push away is a push away of our own energy , of parts of us that have been working really , really freaking hard for years and years . Usually , and

Bringing In vs Pushing Out

Speaker 1 2:03

the thanks we give ourselves is to try and just push away and get rid of . That creates further fragmentation in the system . It creates a sense of lack of trust within our own psyche . It creates this kind of dissonance with ourselves , this kind of dissonance with ourselves . So what we can do instead is bring in . So , instead of pushing out , bring towards us . So if you have a pattern of relating that you're like , oh , I just don't want to do this anymore I know it's unhelpful Try just sitting , feeling where you feel that fear or that pattern manifested in your body .

Speaker 1 2:56

It's usually sensation . We can't think our way out of these things , we have to feel them . So just try and feel in your body where the sensation is of the pattern and just try welcoming it . Just try putting your hand over that area and welcoming the part of you that is doing the thing that you're pretty fed up of and see if that changes things . There's quite a few nuances to this , so I have recorded a practice for you . This is not me kind of doing a sales pitch on the podcast , cause I want this to be free information , but , um , I do . Um , I do want to give you an opportunity to go deeper , so I've recorded a practice for this . It's three quid . I've made it three quid so that , hopefully , that's accessible for everyone and it's like a . It doesn't even have to be a decision . So what happens ? So you can download that , by the way , and it's available now . It's available in the Sacred Womb shop . Just go and download it and see what happens when you bring in .

Speaker 1 4:08

So I can tell you what happens when we bring in is ,

Creating an Internal Atmosphere of Welcome

Speaker 1 4:13

let's say , it's one part of us that's doing a specific thing that we're fed up of . Instead of feeling further rejected , that part of us feels welcomed . We can honour that part of us . We can ask honor that part of us . We can ask , like , how have you been helping me ? Show me all the ways and what ? What fears do you hold ? And usually these parts of us have been doing jobs alone , these these coping strategies , just like automatically alone and just not realizing that they're part of the rest of us really . So we bring them in , bring them into a space of as much love as we can muster and get curious and understand and thank ourselves and really understand that if we hadn't been doing this way back then , what would we have done ? So the consequences are usually quite dire if we don't actually protect ourselves and defend ourselves . So , yeah , bring it into love .

Speaker 1 5:19

So what happens in our system then is , say , other parts of us have been doing other things , they see that . So it starts to create an atmosphere internally of , oh , I'm wanted , oh , I'm recognized , oh I'm valued , I'm honored , and usually those are things that we're trying to get outside of ourselves and maybe get sometimes from other people . But it doesn't stick because there's always this internal way of relating that , frankly , if we stay fragmented and stay pushing parts of ourselves away and expect others to not do that , expect others to welcome us and see us and do all these things , it's a bit like living in a glass house and throwing stones or whatever analogy you want really , because we're not giving that to ourselves , we're not doing that for ourselves , which makes it harder for us to do for others as well . So what we want really is to create a welcoming atmosphere within our psyche , within our heart , within our soul , of all the ways we've coped , all the fears that we have , all the doubts and all that's fabulous as well . So as we generate this atmosphere of welcoming , it not only has our fears feeling recognized , it has our brilliance and our gifts and our abilities also curious that have been , may have been fragmented or tucked away or adapted to come forwards again , and that attitude alone accelerates our healing process and growth process because we are creating that environment within . Our relationships do change when we create that environment , because people can kind of feel our vibe , they can feel that they too will be welcomed . Obviously we've got boundaries and some behavior is not okay and all that kind of thing , but it

How This Changes Your Relationships

Speaker 1 7:32

increases our sense of love within . So we start to vibrate with more love , which people feel , and they feel more drawn to us , which , ironically not trying to get the scene , the validity and all the rest of it from outside of ourselves and giving it to ourselves within then attracts people who naturally want to see us more and want to hear us and are interested and curious because we are already operating at that vibration .

Speaker 1 8:03

So , yes , I hope that's helpful . I'm going to keep this one quite short because I don't want to waffle about it really , and that's that's it . That's all I want to say . I hope it's helpful . If you want to go deeper , I have recorded a practice as well . I hope that's helpful too , and it helps you create this environment where you can come back home to yourself , because it does . It does feel fabulous . Maybe it feels hard sometimes , but kind of my attitude

Closing Thoughts and Practice Offer

Speaker 1 8:32

is like so what ? The hard stuff is already over . Like , come back home to self , everything's okay . All right , I will see you next time .