Intimacy + Desire God's Way | Taste + See the Goodness PART 1!

"Lord, wreck me over my husband's heart and desire for intimacy in marriage!" Chelsey prayed this prayer and God answered. Dive into intimacy, desire, and tasting God's goodness within marriage His way through physical intimacy!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:34

Welcome back to the High Level Wife podcast. I'm Chelsea Holm, and we do marriage Godsway here. And I know you guys love to talk about physical intimacy. How do I know? Because I actually look at the stats of the most popular episodes that you're listening to, and more people are downloading. And it's true, every time I talk about intimacy, there are way more downloads than if I talk about anything else. And why? First of all, it's one of those topics, when we talk about physical intimacy, it's one of those topics that everyone's familiar with, but no one actually knows what it means to do it God's way, right? We're very familiar with sexuality in this country and how in our face it is. But what does it actually look like within the boundaries of a godly covenant marriage, right? Like what does that actually look like? Um, and I will be honest with you that this is the area that my husband and I have probably struggled the most because it's the area that God has revealed to us where we need the most healing by his hand, and we need the most exposing or exposure of the areas he wants to prune in and through us, right? The areas where he wants to press us to produce new wine, where he wants to teach us how to live these things out from a heart posture that just glorifies him and his desire for intimacy with us and all of the parallels of the perfect fellowship and intimacy of God the Father, God the Son, and God the Spirit, and how marriage is this ground zero for the echo of heaven of intimacy with the Father, and we get to taste and see his goodness within the boundaries of marriage, right? And also get to see his heart of what he desires in the restoration and reconciliation of that fellowship with all of his children, right? And that's what we're gonna get experience in heaven in the creation of the new earth and when we're given our new bodies, right? And so, not in marriage, in in fellowship with God the Father, right? And that is the that is the function of the church, is we are the temple, we are being built into one body, which houses his spirit, and unity is the metric and the goal for for that, right? As is in marriage. Um, and so I just wanted to share what the Lord has been doing in me, in on the back end of my prayers of Lord, wreck me over my husband's heart and desire for intimacy in our marriage. And honestly, this this is probably going to be a series of episodes because there's so much to it in what the Lord's been teaching me, where in physical intimacy and marriage is concerned, right? If you have not yet listened to the episode about the three types of intimacy, go back and do that because that's really important. Um, but I do want to leave this piece of information here for you to chew on that of those three intimacies, men and women are different in that men desire physical intimacy because it opens the gates for emotional and spiritual intimacy. Whereas women, their gates to physical intimacy are opened first by emotional and spiritual intimacy. Okay, and so understanding these differences and how we respond to stimulus and through to stimulus? Stimuli? I don't know if that was the right word. Anyway, how we um respond to desiring and being desired, how we receive, how we give, how we initiate. Um, and then honestly, how this plays into old patterns of agreement with the old self, right? We are new creations. And so God's intimacy is walking once again in this new identity, in the confidence of our identity, because we can't look at this space that we're in in the present time between Eden and heaven and think that this is God's design. It's not. And so it's not here that we see that. We have to look back to Eden to see that before the fall. And then that also uh catapults us into the future hope that we have for what is coming. And it also enables us to see differently physical intimacy, especially when it comes to our marriage. And so this might be the first time you're hearing this, but have you ever thought about physical intimacy within marriage as a ministry, as a way to minister to one another? Because Jesus, right, he was the word who became flesh and dwelt among us. He left his heavenly home to come to earth to be born a baby, right? Displaying the perfect humility, right? Displaying the perfect meekness, which is great power under control, right? And he didn't come to be served, he came to serve. And we saw that displayed time after time, but especially when he took off his outer garments, tied them around his waist, and began to wash his disciples' nasty feet, right? They wore sandals and they walked through nasty things and he washed their feet, right? When we understand this, we can understand or start to understand ministry within marriage and ministering to one another, and that it's holy work. It's not about the physical aspect of it, right? It's it's it's a way that we get to experience, taste, and see the goodness and delight of the Father in us in the way that we do that with each other. Okay, now I am telling you all of this from what God has revealed to me as someone who has greatly struggled with this, because my go-to is to return to old patterns of pressure and expectation and checking boxes. And also, listen, ladies, who love Jesus but try to be your husband's holy spirit. I'm talking to you right now, who also wash this, whitewash the tomb in fake holiness of challenging your husband's walk with the Lord and how he is seeking the Lord to fill him and questioning it, saying or assuming or projecting that maybe it's lacking, that he's not really fulfilled in the Lord if he has this need and this desire for you, as if any desire within marriage is not godly, but is in fact of the flesh and of the flesh alone. But we know that that's not the case because God commanded us to be fruitful and multiply. And we see this in the the human and like the physical woman's anatomy, right? That if it were, if our bodies, if sex were simply designed for us to procreate to be fruitful and multiply, we wouldn't have orgasms. We wouldn't have all the thousands of nerve endings that we have, right? It would it would be very different, right? It would be very animalistic, like the rest of creation out there, where it's just a you know, uh means to an end, right? To not to not have your species die off, but but God designed it as so much more. And we see in Song of Solomon, we see this great desire and this great delight and these passions awakened, right, and enjoyed. Right. And so this is as I'm being very real and honest with you, that this is the area where my husband and I have struggled the most, and we didn't realize that it was simply an indicator of a lack of emotional and spiritual intimacy, right? Because of sin that needed to be renounced and of patterns that needed to be disrupted and also hurts that needed to be identified and released, and expression of emotions that are then anchored in truth so that they don't become our authority, right? So many things into this. And um, and and we don't get this kind of training from the world. We absolutely do not, right? The world has distorted sex to the max. The world has destroyed and distorted marriage to the max. Just this weekend, I was extremely frustrated at the current state of marriage and what the enemy has effectively done to destroy the covenant of it and to destroy the boundaries and the safety of it and the oneness of it. And I was really upset, but then, you know, I was, you know, and so then the world says divorce, right? If you're not happy. But also I'm seeing woman after woman say, you know, I stayed married for decades and the trauma I endured and the pain and the suffering led to physical ailments, right? Like, and seeing the heart of these women that have been living in this system that has crushed them, not knowing that their marriages have been built unintentionally according to a wrong blueprint. They don't even know, right? And so my heart went out to them that, like, you're here because you didn't know, right? And and God's way is so much more, so much different, and just like this anger at the enemy for what he has successfully done, and also this just fire within to bring this truth to couples, to experience it firsthand in my own marriage. The delight to pray these hard prayers of God, change me, reveal my heart, expose the things that need to be pruned, and boy, did he do it. And he answers that prayer. And he answered that prayer hardcore for us just yesterday. Because we were starting to get back into some of those old grievances and those patterns and those rabbit trails. And literally at one point, I asked the Holy Spirit to drop an atom bomb in my thoughts because I knew my thoughts weren't glorifying to God. I knew that they were not, um, they were not in alignment with God's heart, and nor were they supportive of what I know about marriage and and and assuming the best. Like it was all these, and I was literally, I was like, drop an atom bomb on these thoughts right now, Holy Spirit. And he did. And I was like, I was able to go to sleep and I was at peace. Like, you know, and and and like my husband and I have these frustrations pop up again where we're just like, we've seen God's hand at work too much, and we've experienced too much by the hand from the hand of God, of his goodness in marriage and specifically in intimacy, for us to go back. Like, this is not tolerable. Like this, honestly, I just kept saying, like, this is so stupid. Like, we know better, like this is not it. Like, what are we, what are we even doing here? Um, and being able to have those hard conversations, and for me, being able to say, okay, what is it that I'm actually afraid of here? Right? What what are the the self-protection and just having that depth of vulnerability with each other that like these are the things we're afraid of, right? Nobody wants to be rejected. My husband doesn't want to be rejected. He has years of experience of being on the receiving end of that. And I have years of experience of forcing myself to just show up and be a physical body because I thought that that was the right thing to do, but completely ignoring the fact that God had a lot of healing that he wanted to do in order to restore the years the Logos have eaten and to teach us his way, a better way, the best way to flourish, truly flourish. And what God really revealed to me that shook me was that I can, and he has created me to minister to my husband physically. Like, this is my spiritual act of worship within marriage. Because here's the thing, and my husband has always said this: like, other people can cook my meals, other people can clean my house, other people can, you know, cart my kids around all over, you know, other people can do all of those things, but only you have this very special place for physical intimacy. Nobody else. That doesn't come from anybody else, right? But you. Um, and so and I had whitewashed, and this was what I was telling you, ladies, who love Jesus, but you whitewash those tombs in a veil of holiness and question your husband when he talks about desire and him wanting to be desired, because you automatically assume that he's continuing to seek that validation, that what he's doing is of the flesh, but it's actually something within marriage that God designed as a ministry to one another to taste and see that goodness of oneness in marriage. And so again, I am submitted to the same design, God's design in order that you are. And so this is me bringing my heart and vulnerability to you that I have very recently struggled through this as well, because my bent is I want to go back into okay, what do I need to do? Like, how frequently do we need to have it? How much do I need to initiate? How you know, and that's like a forcing um not right heart posture, out of alignment way that we show up, right? Like God said, I don't want your sacrifices, I want your heart, right? I want your I want your obedience, and and marriage is no different. Marriage is an echo or reflection of our relationship with the Lord and his relationship with us. And like I just want you to know, not that you needed permission, but you can delight in one another in marriage. That is God's design. You can enjoy and experience pleasure together, right? You can be different, and you can have baggage, right? And you can have hang ups, and you can have things that that are going to try to hinder or block or put up walls against this, but you don't have to walk in that old man. You are a new creation, and you can walk in that confidence and boldness of surrendering to one another because you are surrendered to Christ out of reverence for him. You can minister to your husband out of reverence for Christ. You can receive from your husband out of reverence for Christ. Right? Like this is a whole new world. So this is episode one. Um, I would love to know. Please leave me a review. Uh rate this up, this podcast, because that helps me to get out in front of more people. And I know more people want to hear this discussion about what does intimacy God's way actually look like? What is it walking out? How does it come into play with self-protection and old patterns? Well, there's gonna be a few more episodes on that because I think it's really important for us to walk through that. But leave me a review on here. Leave me, share your heart with me and let's talk about this. Like, let's have this conversation of you know, the hurts and the hangups that we've experienced in marriage can can become huge, great walls to the intimacy that God has blessed us with and given us. And so often we scoff at the gift or say, I, or just refuse to receive it or to use it, right? Like, have you ever seen a kid get a gift and it's what they they really wanted and they open up, what do they do? They start playing with it immediately, they put it on or whatever, and then they go like show their friends, right? Um, this if it's a pair of shoes that they think are gonna make them run really fast, right? They put them on and they go run and they're like, watch me run. It's so fast, right? But we've been given this gift within marriage, right? You've been given your spouse as a gift. And how often do we just let that box sit there? But we don't actually open it up and enjoy it and put it on and taste and see the Lord's goodness. So let's keep talking about this. I will see you on the next episode.