Intimacy + Desire Follow Through | Taste + See the Goodness PART 4!

If you're honest, what patterns have emerged around initiation and follow through? For Chelsey, there were decades of opening the door only to close it, creating a pattern of rejection and denial. This isn't God's design for intimacy!

Let's dig deeper into the importance of follow through from a right heart posture and understanding of intimacy and desire God's way.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:34

Welcome back to the High Level Wife podcast. I'm Chelsea Holm, your hostess, and I'm actually recording this from my car today because, well, flying solo with Zach up at Fort McCoy again and for training for at least another week, I think, unfortunately. Um, so you know, gotta get a little bit more creative, spend a little bit more time in the car as the only one on the job, if you will. So here you are, you're with me. I'm headed to Costco. Uh we do spring birthdays um for the cousins on my husband's side of the family. So for my nieces and well, I don't have any nieces, but my nephews and two of my kids. We always do like a spring birthday party and celebrate them all together, and uh, I was asked to bring salads. So, of course, I'm going to Costco and I'm getting some bag Caesar salad because it's the best, right? I'm also picking up some Costco pizzas because I have a ton of driving through this weekend, and we have a really busy weekend ahead, and my kids love it, and I'm not gonna have the time to sit in the kitchen and make some extra pizzas. So there you go. There's an update on the state of this. I you know, honestly, I I want to get into what I'm gonna talk about today, but um I just want to share, like, I I'm so thankful for everything the Lord has done in me and through me, and is continuing to do in me every day that He continues to answer the hard prayers that I pray um in the best of ways. And I'm so thankful for that because there was a time when when my husband would be gone for for army duty trainings, whatever, that were deployments, I was a mess. Like everything was so hard. Like I didn't have the capacity to to even be able to navigate the emotions that I was experiencing through all of it or name them, and like I wasn't able to be present, uh, and which is is a an extra challenge when you know, as a military wife, when your husband is away, it's like you are essentially functioning in the capacity of both mom and dad in a very unique way. That ladies, if your husband is away a lot, you understand. Um, for those whose husband is not away, this probably doesn't make any sense to you, and that's okay. That's okay. Um, but it's a thing. And in order to do that, like there I there's so much that I am thankful for that the Lord has refined in me, pruned, grown, like released from me, broken strongholds and chains, and Holy Spirit has enabled me to walk through with peace and humility and presence because when you're functioning as both mom and dad in certain capacities, right, like there's there's a lot that you can put on yourself, and that does not work because it will crush you, right? Like, especially as a woman, as a wife. Um, and so the Lord is continually pruning and refining me, and I'm so thankful to to the fact that that He He has not yet completed a good work in me, but He will carry that out until completion. Um, I'm so thankful for His kindness, His tenderness, just His mercy towards me, um, and so much grace, like so much grace. So I'm so thankful for that. Um today we're continuing our intimacy series, and it's been on my heart, and I know it's from the Holy Spirit when those things keep coming back up and follow through, follow through when it comes to intimacy. I mean, raise your hand if as a wife you have ever in the morning, you know, opened the door to initiation for physical intimacy with your husband, and then as the day went on, first of all, you started to maybe worry about it or freak out or like come up with excuses for why, you know, it really wasn't a good time, and then you get to the designated time of fulfilling, you know, what you the door, like walking to the door that you opened earlier in the day to now you have a solid, like you're like, yeah, like it's not gonna work tonight or whatever. And like, I just want you to for a second think about the damaging impact and effects that has on your husband, right? Like, think about just think about this in a capacity with your kids, if how how hurt they feel and how let down they feel when um you know, an example of this was we were taking our oldest three to six flags uh a couple years ago, and it was just me and Zach and the older three, which it never happens, right? Because we're a weird family, and I love it that we do everything together. Um, and that's that's just who we are, and you know, so it was a it was uh you know not often opportunity for for us to just have the the three older kids. We were going to Six Flags to celebrate. I think we were celebrating Gabe's and Holly's birthday that year. That's what we had decided to do to find out. We drive all the way there an hour and a half, and Six Flags is closed to the public that day because a company, which I think it was Poles actually, Cole's department store had closed it for their big company work celebration event or whatever. And like we got there, and my kids were so disappointed, you know, because it wasn't just an opportunity to go to Six Flags, it wasn't even about that, it was really about you know having that very unique and not often had time of us having fun together in an older way, in a more mature way, where you know, when I think the last time we had gotten to Six Flags before this, the first and only time, we had taken our whole family to Six Flags, you know, we have to divide and conquer because our youngest two can't ride the big roller coasters, right? The younger two can only ride the more little kid rides, right? Like that makes sense, and so then like navigating that, um, it could be a challenge, and so we weren't gonna have that that that challenge that day, and they were just so disappointed. So, bringing this back to your husband, right? When you open that door in the morning, um, or whenever that is, maybe it's when they're on a trip. Like I said, my husband's gone right now, and so I have um been so much more intentional about continuing to foster the physical intimacy um in preparation for him coming home. And um, and follow-through has been on my mind because in you know, struggle years past, I would open doors, but then I would shut them, and it would hurt my husband so much, right? And and as humans, we're wired for self-protection, right? Like, we don't want to be hurt, we don't want to be rejected, we don't want any of these things. And um, and he had learned over time with with evidence and experience that you know when my wife says something earlier in the day, like I can't trust that because she doesn't follow through. Um, more often than not, I I would open that door, but then I would close it before, and and this is where you have to have that serious uh depth of honesty with yourself and vulnerability and realness. The reason that I was doing that was, well, first of all, I I wasn't being intentional with the follows, right? Like, I wasn't taking my thoughts captive, I was allowing thoughts that were not my own to come in and to change the atmosphere that I I had begun to create, right? I was allowing those thoughts and those actions to shift the atmosphere. Um, I wasn't intentional about like I have very sensitive tummy. Um that's something I've I've struggled with since I was a kid, and my gut can get very angry really quickly if I'm not intentional about what I eat, what I put in my body. And so, like for years, I by the end of the night, like my gut would just hurt, which is a valid reason. But if I know that it hurts when I eat a certain way, and yet I eat that certain way, right? It's it's it's not like it's not a valid reason in the sense of I wasn't intentional in that, right? Like, even if it was unintentional, like I you understand what I'm saying, right? So it it's that atmosphere, it's that environment, it's when I talk about follow-through, it's everything that goes into it. And and having the honesty and the humility to understand what that does mentally, right? Like, think about it on the flip side. Imagine if your husband said, Hey, you know, we've got this trip booked, uh, or even this date night booked, or whatever it may be, and you know, we're leaving tonight, and then all of a sudden, like your your bags are all packed, you're ready to go, and right before you guys, you know, are ready to walk out the door, he's like, Yeah, you know, I'm just not feeling it. Right? Like, and maybe it seems like he has a valid reason. Maybe he's like, Yeah, you know, I, you know, I I feel sick, or I have a headache, right? Okay. I say that with all love because I I will say, I've never been a wife that's like, I have a headache, right? Like the whole fake headache and and whatever. Or here's the thing, like, I don't know if you guys did this as a kid, but if I laid in bed long enough as a kid and thought about how upset my stomach was and how I couldn't go to school eventually, I would actually kind of feel like that, right? Like, I don't know, I don't know what that is or how that works, but I guarantee it's with you know our mind, what we look for, we find.

unknown 11:30

Right?

SPEAKER_00 11:31

And so when we're intentionally feeding a certain direction, then that's that's the direction that we're gonna go. And so just having both of these perspectives of follow through of the hurt that it causes, both of you, and instead declare and be enabled by the Holy Spirit that that's not how we walk anymore. Those are not the patterns that we have. And and before you, lest you be tempted to be like, well, then I'm not going to initiate or open that door at all, okay, well let's sit with that for a second and be honest enough with ourselves to realize that that is not wise, that is selfish, and that is not God's design for marriage and specifically intimacy within marriage, right? It's this freedom that we're walking in as new creations, that confidence and that boldness in how we do things differently, right? We do things differently than we once did. We do things differently according to the right order, according to what the Lord has done for us and who we are in Him and who He is and how we then overflow onto others, right? And that's ground zero in our marriage. And so we don't function in that same capacity. And so this episode is to challenge you, to follow through, to be intentional, to follow through, not because you're checking a box, not because you feel like you have to or you should, but following through with the same ferocity, the same excitement, the same uh confidence that you have with obeying the Lord, right? And and and showing up in that same capacity in your marriage. Because in the previous episode, I had mentioned how the Lord just was revealing to me like the ministry, how physical intimacy really is us ministering to one another. Like it's it's this um mutually beneficial thing that we get to explore and enjoy and taste and see the Lord's goodness within marriage, specifically in intimacy, physical intimacy. And so when I talk about ministering, that's what I'm talking about. And because when I minister, when I do the Lord's work, I am just filled up, like my spirit is just filled in a way that like my physical may be drained, my mental may be drained, my emotional may be drained, but I am full of life, that bread of life, just in a way that nothing else could ever satisfy. And so the idea behind ministering physical intimacy is a ministry to my husband, um, mutually, so right, and it's different in that capacity. Um but it it it's that it's that like it's so fulfilling to give and and to follow through. Like it can be, and and maybe you know you haven't you have not experienced that yet, but you're listening to this podcast because well, I'm trusting that the Lord has brought you here for such a time as this to hear these things that He's putting on my heart to share, and also to be able to be encouraged and challenged by me sharing my own experiences in walking through these things and telling you that an area that my husband struggled in most of all in our marriage, that we have tasted and seen the Lord's goodness, that it's painting a picture for you of what you have yet experienced, but what is possible for you to experience, and it's to the praise of God's glory. Amen. So when I talk about follow through, I want to challenge you on this to not turn to the left or turn to the right, but to stay true north here and that you are intentional with the last remember the last episode was about initiation, you are intentional to initiate and then more importantly to follow through to do what you said you were going to do, and not out of compulsion, but from a cheerful heart. As as this overflow ministry to your husband that is mutually in joy that we get to taste and see his goodness. So, my challenge to you before we wrap this episode up is to take a full account walking with the Holy Spirit, asking the Holy Spirit to reveal to you where have I not been following through. And once you have that full account, to not walk in the shame of it, but to walk in the freedom of it and in the new identity, and then in partnership with the Holy Spirit in being in the Word of God, that you would ask the Holy Spirit, you would pray the hard prayer of what does this look like? Help me to understand your design for intimacy in marriage, God and then practically walk that out, reminding yourself that this is all intentional, none of this happens naturally or or unintentionally, right? None of this happens without discipline, without diligence. And intimacy within marriage is one way, and we have ground zero to taste and see the goodness of the Lord in real time in real life. I'll see you on the next episode.