Intimacy + Desire Food Metaphors + FUN | Taste + See the Goodness PART 5!

Has your marriage become too serious? And that has overflowed to the bedroom? It's time to bring back the fun, laughter, excitement, and intimacy God's way! 

Chelsey shares some ways to keep it light and fun as you delight in one another, tasting and seeing God's goodness!

Transcript

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Welcome back to the High Level Life Podcast. I'm Chelsea Holm, your host, and we do marriage Godsway here. Um, and I I'm I'm excited to talk about this one today. And honestly, we'll probably title this one Taste and See the Goodness of the Lord of Marriage with Intimacy Part 5, because I had more I want to do in the intimacy series, but some other topics came up, and that's the way we went. And by we, I mean me and the Holy Spirit, I guess. Uh, and so I wanted to talk about keep it fun. Just yesterday, I sent my husband a text. He's uh he's away at Fort McCoy, he's been there all last week, and this week they're doing a leadership training conference, I guess, something like that. Anyway, for upcoming trainings. And uh so he's been away. And yesterday I texted him. And y'all know, I I like food. Like, I speak food metaphors, food metaphors on my life. Like, if you've watched Claudia with a chance of meatballs, and the dad always speaks through fishing metaphors. I don't understand anything about fishing, but I speak through food metaphors. And so when it comes to intimacy, food is something that I'm really comfortable with uh because I love food and I get excited about food and I do food dances. And so for me, it translates into intimacy in the bedroom. It drives my husband crazy because he couldn't care less about food. Like it's he eats to stay alive, he doesn't really eat for any other reason than that. Like it's not his thing. Like he does enjoy good food, but it's not something that he thinks about. Um, and so we have created the fun in our marriage, if you will, by talking through code and using food. And as of late, or probably over the last like couple years, for some reason it's McDonald's. Like so everything is a mixed something or uh whatever. And I'm not gonna go into all the details because this is our bedroom, this is our intimacy, right? This is a sacred space. But I I wanted to share a text I sent yesterday. I sent this whole code of what we were going to do when he comes home. Essentially, it was the McDonald's menu for what we were gonna do, and it was super coded, and I and he said, I have no idea what you just said there. And I said, just take a wild guess what you think those those things are, and it was funny because he immediately called me instead of texting me back, and he's like, I literally don't know. And I said, Come on, I said, I just gave you the whole game plan for for what's gonna go down once you get your little cutie buns back here. And uh so he he took a stab at it and he was right, he was dead right for every single thing, and I was like, Yeah, and he was we just we had a good laugh about it, and it's just that that level of like we can get so serious about marriage, and it is because it's a covenant relationship, and yet God has such a sense of humor, and God delights to delight in his children, delighting in each other and delighting in him, right? Like in the excitement we feel outside of the bedroom doing his work together on mission, pulling in the same direction, right? Like, we should have that same level of excitement and just mutual uh benefit with within the bedroom as well. And anyway, so I share this with you to encourage you to keep it light and keep it fun because it really is not like it is, it is this sacred thing. Um, and yet we have the freedom of the bounds of marriage, the freedom within the covenant of marriage to be able to enjoy each other and delight in each other. And I mean, if Song of Solomon is your thing and you want to talk about, you know, um I I don't even know. That's not my thing. Like, my hair is like goats coming down the mountain. Like, okay, cool. Um, cool, not not my thing. Food is my thing, so I'm gonna talk about all those things, and so that's how we keep it fun and we keep it playful, and and it's exciting that way, and it's something that you know nobody else knows. Um and I will give you just a little insight for years we called our time making pizza. So I'd be like, hey, do you want to go have a pizza? Do you want to go throw in a pizza? Or you know, let's go make a pizza. But no, we actually we literally make pizza in our house every Friday night with our family. Like, I make homemade pizza for the family, so that got a little strange, and we're like, yeah, so maybe not. Like, pizza's a little too common. Um, let's not. And so that's what I think when we started changing it up. I think it was just one time uh after having intimacy together, like I described it as a mix something, like a mick delicious loving something, and he laughed hysterically. And I love it when he laughs at me because I'm not sure that most people think I'm funny, but I think I'm funny, and he thinks I'm funny, and I love that. We were actually just texting each other the other day. Um, that he he said, Nobody thinks I'm funny like you do, and nobody like gets the jokes that like, especially like movie quotes. He's like, Nobody gets that like you do, and I'm like, same, like we speak in movies to each other, and nobody else seems to get that same level, and so we have to we do more time explaining ourselves to other people than anyway. So we've been missing that aspect of it too. But anyway, so then for a while we called it like having a meeting, but you know, that was more so for the children's benefit. But now we're just like straight up, if you if you see us going into our room and we're locking the door, like I actually had Zach put a deadbolt on the inside because we have French doors in our bedroom and not super secure. Um, and in my years of trying to, or in the time of trying to regulate my nervous system and be present and all of those, like that extra layer of my kids can run in any minute, like can't handle that, can't deal with that. So now I have the security and the confidence when that deadbolt is locked, like it's it's hardcore. Um, but anyway, yeah, we called it a meeting for a while, but then you know, we're we we don't like hide things from our kids, you know, we're not like overtly um because again, it is a sacred thing, but it's also a fun thing. And we want to teach our kids inadvertently that like this is a good thing, like this is why we wait to get married. Um, like, or this is why we tell you, because it's such a gift that you want to wait to open until you get married because of the fun and the delight and the mutual enjoyment and the ministering to one another from an overflow and within the safety and just the confidence within the covenant marriage. And so if physical intimacy has become a stressor for you, has become such a serious place for you, I would encourage you to outside of the bedroom first start to have more fun together, create an environment. As a wife, you can shift the atmosphere and you can begin to bring the fun. Because I'll bet more often than not, you get annoyed by your husband bringing the fun because that's that's what he excels at, and you don't. And so you really struggle in that area. I know that was me for for years that I would get really frustrated. My husband, that he was always the fun one, and and I was the big mean one, and I was the one that had to have all the plans, right? And there were just a lot of control issues and self-protection on my part of high functioning anxiety and um like taking pride in the fact that I was so busy and my to-do list was a mile long and getting it done and all that stuff, but I couldn't be present, and nobody wants that. Like, that's not how God created us as wives. We're the life givers, we're the the atmosphere shifters. And so looking at ways, how can you incorporate more fun into your everyday life outside of the bedroom? Right? I think that when it comes to spending time together, it can get very monotonous, right? It can get very mundane, just like everything else, especially you've been together for a long time. And so think about some ways that you could spice it up and have fun, right? Like doing, I think one of the best ways to bring the fun and to bring laughter naturally back into your relationship is to do something together for the first time that neither one of you have ever done before, right? Because if you're coming into his thing that he's always done, or he's coming into your thing that you've always done, then you're naturally going to have this like um this element of pride and experience that can play into this not the right way. So, but if you both have come into something trying something new together for the first time, like maybe you take a plank painting class together, maybe you take a pottery class together, maybe you um go to a cooking class together, or I don't know why all these are classes, but I think it's because you know, in order to do something new, you need some instruction. But maybe, maybe it's um it could be anything, right? Like something that's exciting that's new. Maybe it's you guys love to hike, but you've never tried this one trail together, so it's gonna be all new for you, right? Um, and I think when we do this, it also gives this element of neither one of us are experts in it, right? It gives this intentional learning, right? Like I want to learn more so that we can do this well together, but then it also you're neither one of you are experts at it, so you're gonna do it imperfectly, right? Might I suggest taking a Zumba class together? I suck at it. I am not good at it, but I'll tell you what, I laugh the whole time at myself. And so does the instructor. The instructor laughs at me too. But like, what if you did something like that and invited like you and your husband both doing something that neither one of you guys have done before, and you're both laughing at each other and at yourselves, and it can just bring in this element of fun. It doesn't mean you have to go somewhere, you could do this in your house, right? Like, there are so many things that you guys could do for the first time together that you've never done. I mean, pick up from the dollar store a couple canvases and paint each other. These are hysterical. If you've ever seen these reels on social media, they are so funny when you have the big reveal, right? Like, I've been seeing, I just started following this uh gal on uh on Instagram who they do menu or movie-inspired menus, right? And so she I I'm assuming she likes to cook, but like you guys could do this together. Like my husband's not a big cook, but it is fun when we cook together in our different capacities. Like he he's awesome on the grill and the blackstone and the smoker and all that. I don't do any of that. Um, but I am great in the kitchen, you know what I mean? Uh, you know, like could you do something like that together where you have a movie themed or inspired menu? Uh, that would be super fun, right? Um, like what is something like some of these uh fun date nights that I've seen too are, you know, and this is not about like have more date nights and this old fake fix your marriage, not at all. This is about like how can we bring more fun into the marriage, obviously, right? And that's a different question, that's a different approach than date nights. Date nights are not gonna fix your marriage, right? But date nights can bring some of that fun element in that you're really struggling to have right now. So another one is like to go to goodwill, both of you have a budget and you pick outfits for each other, or you pick your own outfits there, and then from there you you know, I've seen holding up two cards and you know, pick your number and they don't know what it is, and then you like put your date together by that, or you put your date together by you know, open your eyes if if this is what and anything that you open your eyes together on, like that's what you do. And you know, gentlemen, there is validity in setting your wife up to give you the answers to of something fun of like, man, I was thinking about going to your favorite restaurant, and you know, uh, and and let her answer, right? Fill in all the blanks for you. Like, that's super fun. Um, anyway, so many ideas to bring the fun because like life is can be so serious and so heavy, but we need to laugh more. Laughter is a medicine, truly, truly is. Um, it's so interesting with pain, right? Have you seen these studies or seen these experiences where people will put their hand in ice water and they have the ability to endure it much longer if they're smiling and laughing while they're doing it, versus gritting it and just trying to get through it. They cannot last as long every single time. And it's because smiling and laughter does something chemically to our brain and releases chemicals that are that are happy and light and foster the environment for intimacy and closeness. So I want to leave you with the challenge of first of all, just looking at your marriage and does could your marriage benefit from a little bit more laughter and fun together? And then if the answer is yes, which is probably yes for 100% of you, right? I mean, we can always have more fun and more laughter, then what are a few ideas you could come up with together with your husband of new things you could experience together and laugh at each other and laugh at yourself through together to really bring that fun? And then specifically for intimacy, how can you bring more fun into the bedroom? Whether it's in code like we have, in an avenue that you're really comfortable with, maybe you're not as comfortable talking about physical intimacy, but you're comfortable in an area like food, like I am, right? Like how what is that for you? And how can you guys start to deploy that where it is you, just you and your spouse's inside joke? I mean, now you kind of know some of my are inside jokes, everyone can. You can steal them, you can borrow them, whatever, or create your own. Um, and it creates this element of deeper oneness and connection. It's like that inside joke that only you and your spouse are gonna know. And you can use it anywhere, anytime, and keep it fun and light in having that connection. All right, I will see you on the next episode, and I hope you are laughing more by the time you come back for the next episode. Take care, my friend.