The Counterfeit Peace That’s Keeping Christian Wives Stuck

What do you reach for when life feels overwhelming?

For some wives it’s scrolling. For others it’s shopping, food, busyness, wine, supplements, endless productivity, or simply staying distracted.

This episode isn’t about condemning a product or a habit. It’s about asking a deeper question:

What are we asking created things to do that only Jesus can do?

We’ll explore the modern counterfeits of peace, why they never truly satisfy, and how abiding in Christ produces the lasting fruit we’re actually longing for.

If you’ve ever found yourself trying to “take the edge off” instead of bringing your burdens to the Lord, this episode will lovingly challenge you to choose the better portion.

Transcript

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Welcome back to the High Level Wife Podcast. I'm Chelsea Holm, your hostess, and here we do Marriage God's Way. And the last episode we talked about Martha being anxious and distracted by many things. And today I want to talk about what many of us reach for because we're anxious and distracted. I said recently that gummies are the new wine in this generation of wives. And I want you to understand that it's not really about the gummies, but it's about what we've made them represent. And it's about what we're asking created things to do that only our creator can do. Right? It's the same premise of looking to the stars for guidance when instead of looking to the creator of those stars for guidance. This is a discipleship issue. It's not a product issue. There's a difference between counterfeit peace and the fruit of peace. Peace is a fruit of the spirit, and it comes from abiding in the Father, of plugging into the vine so that that fruit can be grown in and through us by the Spirit working in us, by the power of the word at work in and through us. The truth is we all run to something. The question isn't if you do, it's what you run to first. God designed us to run to Him, but the flesh runs somewhere else. You need to understand, there's a song on the radio that I wish I could remember what it's called and the exact words, but it's it's um a friend who sits with you and the whole world walks away. But there's a line in that song where she talks about don't you think that, or did you ever think that that that longing in you was actually intentionally placed there by God Himself to draw you to Him? Right? But our flesh wants to run somewhere else. So some modern counterfeit refuges are gummies, wine and alcohol, shopping, scrolling, food, sugar, busyness, productivity, noise, endless podcasts, constant entertainment, control, validation, self-help without surrender. Now, as I walked through that list, I'm sure that there's probably more than one that you're like, oh, yep, I can see that. I've definitely run to that. Maybe I'm running to that today. Maybe you're listening to this podcast, which is a good thing and the Lord is using. But if if you're listening to this all the time and not creating space and margin for silence, of solitude, of sitting with the Lord and sitting in his word, then a good thing has become a not great thing. It's a counterfeit refuge, it'll give you peace for a second, but it's fleeting. And and so many of these counterfeits, they come with a back end regret, right? If shopping is your refuge that you seek, and you're spending money that could be used to build God's kingdom or to bless somebody else, to practice generosity, then there's a back-end regret that comes with that. So there's an important distinction that I'm trying to make here. It's it's that the issue is rarely the object itself, the issue is what it's functioning as. Asking yourself the question of is this a gift or has it become a God? Is this something you enjoy, or is this something you depend on? Are you receiving it with thanksgiving, or are you using it to avoid God? So Martha's counterfeit wasn't wine, right? It wasn't gummies or shopping, it was productivity, it was performance, it was doing right, and I get this firsthand. I am much more comfortable in doing and performance and productivity, right? I uh many years and still I have to have keep my heart sensitive to the correction of am I finding refuge and responsibility instead of relationship? So, why do we as wives reach for counterfeits? It's because life is heavy and marriage is hard, and kids are exhausting, and hormones are real, disappointment is painful, and loneliness hurts, right? Overstimulation is exhausting, but none of those things are the problem. The question is where do you run with them? We have something called a flesh, and we have something called the spirit. God's word says that the flesh is weak, but the spirit or the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. The flesh says, take the edge off, just distract yourself. You deserve this. Don't think about it, feel better. Where the spirit says, Come to me, abide, cast your cares, let me reveal, let me heal, let me prune. Because the danger is that counterfeit comforts, they often work for a moment at least, right? They calm or they distract you or they numb you, but they don't transform you and they don't produce fruit, they don't heal you, and they don't definitely don't sanctify you. So here's some questions to act yourself ask yourself. What do I reach for first? What am I trying not to feel? What am I asking this thing to do? Am I looking for Jesus or just relief? Is this helping me abide or helping me to avoid? So in John 15, Jesus never said manage your symptoms, he said abide in me. Fruit grows from connection, not from coping. Peace is produced, it isn't purchased. You can't purchase peace. So before you grab the thing, right? If it's become your evening cocktail that helps you take that edge off, before you grab that tonight, pause and pray. And name what you're feeling, and ask the Lord, what are you trying to reveal? What are you inviting me into? Am I reaching for you first? So counterfeit comforts aren't the answer. But Jesus isn't trying to shame you here. See, that that's what the enemy does, that's what our flesh does, that's what sin does, right? That the devil tells you, and your flesh agrees, that's the problem. When he says, This thing will make you feel better, but then immediately when you engage in that thing afterwards, he says, Look what you did. You're so shameful. A real Christian, a real follower of Jesus wouldn't engage in that kind of behavior. So that, but that's that's the enemy's playbook. That's what he does. But that's not what Jesus does, right? The Holy Spirit brings conviction for us, and he's inviting you back to the better portion because he doesn't just want to calm your nervous system, he wants to transform your heart. He doesn't just want to remove your anxiety, he wants to replace it with his peace. So the next episode, we're going to unpack something that I think is at the root of all of this. And it's that most wives don't actually want peace, they want relief. And those are two very different things. I will see you on the next episode.