You Can't Ask God to Bless What You Refuse to Bring Under His Authority

Communication isn't the deepest issue in most struggling marriages.

Repentance is.

In the final episode of this series, we're talking about the uncomfortable but freeing truth that transformation begins when we stop asking God to change everyone else and invite Him to search our own hearts.

We'll unpack why communication tools can never replace surrender, why repentance restores what pride destroys, and how God uses marriage to sanctify us into the image of Christ.

If you've been praying for breakthrough, this episode is an invitation to start where revival has always begun—with your own heart.

Transcript

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Welcome back to the High Level Wife Podcast. I'm Chelsea Holm, your hostess, and here we do Marriage God's Way, and we are wrapping up our series today. And today we are continuing on the ones that are going to offend you because it is it is the only way to actually flourish in this life. Because you can't ask God to bless what you refuse to bring under his authority. Repentance restores what communication never could. We've talked about it all already, right? We've talked about Martha, we talked about anxiety and counterfeit peace, relief versus peace, abiding right order. And now we're at the root of it. Because I believe most Christian wives don't have a communication problem, they have a repentance problem. And that's a hard statement, but I believe it's true. And I wanted to find repentance for you because you know, a lot of people, if I say repent, you get images in your head of people holding up signs and saying, repent for the kingdom of God is near. And that is true. But we need to understand that repentance isn't shame and it isn't self-hatred. It's also not trying harder. Repentance literally means to change your mind, to turn, to come back into agreement with God. It's surrender, it's saying, Lord, you're right. I'm wrong. Change me. It's literally turning away from your sin and turning to God, right? Repentance is turning away from your sin and turning to God. This is why communication isn't enough. Yeah, of course, communication is important, right? We need to be able to communicate, right? We need to be able to learn to express our feelings, right? To name them. We need to learn to make specific requests and we need to learn to repair and how to listen. But you can have excellent communication and still have a heart that resists God. Better communication doesn't crucify the flesh, it doesn't produce humility, it doesn't remove pride, and it doesn't create holiness. The Holy Spirit does. And there's a deeper issue here because we often want God to fix our husband while still protecting our own flesh. We pray for blessing while refusing conviction. We want intimacy without dying to ourselves. We want resurrection without the cross. We want the fruit without the pruning. I told you this one was gonna get hit hard, didn't I? Right? But this is where it's at. It's about repentance. The true cost of discipleship, Jesus says in uh, I think it's in Mark. I can't remember the chapter at this moment, but he said it's it's to renounce the world and to follow him. Here's the thing about marriage: marriage exposes what is already in us. I actually just saw I was in the bathroom looking at reader's digest, my mom has, and um, there was some famous person, which I don't know who they were, quoted as saying that you know, people say that success um changes you. And she said, actually, I believe that success brings out more of what you already were, and I would say that that's true, right? Um, money isn't the problem, it's that it brings out what was already there. So if you were already generous, you'll be more generous, but if you weren't, you'll just be more of what you already were. Okay, so your husband didn't create all your reactions, many times he revealed them. God, though, in his mercy, uses marriage as one of his greatest tools of sanctification, and it's not to punish us, it's to make us more like Christ. That's why I love marriage because it's hard. Paul said it's better for people not to get married because it's hard. That's what it says in 1 Corinthians. I think it's chapter, is it eight? Uh, I can't remember. I just read it yesterday. Um was studying it yesterday, but but you know, it's talking about like where Paul says, you know, I wish that you were like me because you know, a husband is concerned about um the things of marriage and pleasing his wife, and you know, a wife the same for her husband, but when you're not married, it's different. But marriage gives us a beautiful place to see the Lord work when we're fully surrendered to him, okay, because it does make us more like Christ when we're willing and submitted, but unfortunately, most aren't willing or submitted. So I want to ask you wives some hard questions, and I want you to sit with these. Where am I resisting God? Where have I justified my sin because of my husband's? Where have I called rebellion? Wisdom, where have I called control, discernment? Where have I called self-protection boundaries? Where have I withheld forgiveness, honor, or where have I refused to die to myself? James 4 tells us that God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Submit yourselves therefore to God. Romans 12 tells us to be transformed by the renewing of our mind, and Colossians 3 tells us to put off the old self and put on the new, which ties back into Luke 10, the Mary and Martha story, where Mary had to leave many things to choose the one thing. And here's what the main principle that I want you guys to walk away from this series from with that God cannot bless what he has called you to repent of. Truth is mercy, repentance is an invitation, and surrender is freedom. This is why a covenant marriage, the boundaries of a covenant marriage, is beautiful and brings freedom. Okay, this is why high-level wife is different. We don't start with here's how to get your husband to change. We start with Lord search me. And it surprises the women that come in because they think like, oh, I'm gonna teach them how to fix their husbands, but they're very wrong. It always starts with us. It starts with Lord search me, because revival has always begun with repentance, first in our own hearts, then in our homes, then in our marriages, and then in the world. Right? If we don't have the gospel applied to our own marriages, how the heck can we go out into the world and make disciples of many nations? We can't. So, wife, stop waiting for your husband to take the first step. Take yours. Get before the Lord, prostrate before him on your face and ask him, What in meaning to die? Where am I resisting you, Father? What if I refuse to surrender? Because repentance isn't the end of the story, it's actually the doorway to freedom, it's the doorway to intimacy, and it's the doorway to restoration. And everyone wants restoration and flourishing, but this is how you get there. You cannot ask God to bless what you refuse to bring under his authority. Sin blocks intimacy, repentance restores it. The greatest breakthrough in your marriage may begin with the simplest prayer: Lord, search me, Lord, change me. A high-level wife isn't a perfect wife, she's a repentant one. So remember this that Mary chose the better portion. Every single day, wives still have the same choice Mary and Martha had. Not between serving and sitting, but between many things. And the one thing is necessary. I will see you on the next episode.