The Blueprint: Marriage God’s Way

START HERE: Learn the Biblical Feminine Methodology.

Go from carrying it all to free

From exhausted, stressed & overwhelmed to relaxed, present and flourishing

From disconnected & hurt to deep intimacy and healing

But this isn’t your typical marriage tips: this is Holy Spirit transformation that starts with right order and full surrender. You’ll learn to:

Die to self!

Be reborn!

Multiply!

Flourish in marriage as a High Level Wife who is fully surrendered, Spirit-led and set apart! 

Learn more about HLW!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hi and welcome. I know you're here for one of two reasons. Either the first is that you can identify with the content that I've created that is speaking directly into the darkness that you have been hiding, that you are not willing to admit to yourself, but is actually there. So my husband was deployed to Afghanistan in 2013. And I had convinced myself in my heart that it was better for my husband to die in Afghanistan than for him to come home and for us to face the destruction that we had caused in our marriage, and to even try to rebuild or restore the pieces that we had completely destroyed. Or you're here because fast forward several years, after God did an amazing miracle in us and restored the years that the locusts had eaten and rebuilt what we had completely destroyed and annihilated, he gets all the glory for that. You're here because you've gotten to a point in your marriage where it's good, but it's not great. And you are someone who has this in you that says, God is the God of the universe who spoke everything into existence. His design for marriage has got to be so much more than what I'm experiencing now. Because at the end of the day, you're still stuck in the same frustrating cycles that you and your husband have been stuck in for years and years, where it's good for a while until you get to this point and it's the same topic, it's the same cycle, it's the same pattern. And when you engage in it, there's so much destruction caused. And yet you keep doing it and don't know how to get out of it. And you're here because you are desperately, desperately trying anything to fix your marriage because you know deep down that something better is possible when you do marriage God's way. You just don't know how to get there. So which one is it? Is it that you are completely denying the darkness that is within you of the burden that your marriage has come to? Or is it that you've gotten to this place of good, but you know so much more is possible? My name is Chelsea Holm, and I am the wife coach, the face behind high-level wife. And I am going to walk you through the steps of exactly what you can do, not to fix your marriage, but actually to do marriage God's way. You are going to feel so at ease and relaxed and present and confident in a way that you've always wanted, but have been butting up against this inner conflict with for most of your life. You're going to finally have this high-level approach to these low-level problems you've been butting your head up against for years and years. And they're going to seem to fade away. What we don't understand, and what I didn't understand, is that there is a right order. There is a right order of priorities that God has established since the beginning of time when He spoke everything into existence, including us. And the right order is God, yourself, your spouse, your kids, and then business or work or anything else. The problem is that in most marriages, even the quote-unquote good ones that are more like roommates or business partners or teammates, the wives put the children on the pedestal as the idol of their lives and the top priority. And husbands put their work and their business and success or their wife on the throne of their lives. And it completely gets the order out of whack. And then what happens is instead of pulling together, you are pulling in opposite directions and wondering why you're never moving forward together in the same direction. And why you're constantly battling each other, and why you're consistently stuck in these low-level patterns of frustration and destruction. So in order to have the right order, God has to come first. And why does God have to come first? Just like his word says, to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, strength, or mind, seek first the kingdom of God and all and his righteousness and all of these things will be added unto you. So what you'll find is that when you have the right order, God's order, and you seek God first, all of these other things fall into place. And by the time you get to the kids and to business or work, what you find is that they just take care of themselves and they're not a priority. And this is because when we have the right order, what we're doing is we are shifting from a focus on the physical. If you are familiar with Jesus' words and his teaching, when he was the word that became flesh and dwelt among us and taught us and did his earthly ministry, consistently, time after time, the people that he was ministering to were focused on the physical needs being met, were focused on the things that they could see right in front of their eyes. But Jesus was talking about the spiritual and not what you can see. And so when he was speaking about, you know, in order to have life, you need to eat my flesh and you need to drink my blood. And some of the people that were following him walked away because they couldn't understand, because they were focused on the physical, their own understanding. And Jesus says to his 12 disciples right after that, that no, I'm talking about the spiritual. What happens is when we have this right order of seeking God first, we we don't have to continue to pray anymore that God would remove these temptations from our life or that he would remove the struggle because we become so consumed and filled with a holy fire for consuming him and his word that everything else fades away. And what it does is it fills us with life abundant that can only come from God the Father and belief in his son, that we overflow. And then we have a right view of ourself and what we do is through spiritual disciplines, because now our heart is postured, not at checking a box, but actually postured as a spiritual act of worship and stewardship of the things that God has given us, including our physical body, including our mental health, including our time, including our energy, including the financial resources that He has given us. When we take that, you know, the first one is love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind. But right after that, it's love your neighbor as yourself. What does that mean as yourself? If you don't love yourself and have a right view of yourself, as you are not as important as you think you are, and yet you are so important that God sent his only son to die for you while you were dead in your sins. Once you have that understanding, you realize that through disciplines of loving yourself as God first loved you, you then are able to be filled and have the capacity to overflow onto your husband, onto your marriage. And then when you guys are overflowing together because you're both putting this right order into practice, guess what? Then you're overflowing on your kids. And they're not experiencing this conflict that most Christian families experience, where kids are witnessing their parents show up to church as someone completely different than who they're actually getting behind closed doors. Because we have people who believe in God but aren't actually followers of Jesus. Do you know of the United States and people who actually profess to be Christians? I want to say it's like 65% of people profess that they are Christians or would identify as a Christian. Of that 65%, only 4% are actual followers of Jesus. We're talking about moving from being lukewarm and checking boxes and doing things because you should, or that's how you were raised, to actually being on fire for God and having the right order. What happens when we do that is we break generational patterns. We get out of the therapist's office of talking about our traumas, right? Like these are still important things that we need to talk about because we need to understand that God created us uniquely and deeply. And over the years, out of self-protection and fear of abandonment or rejection or hurt or pain, we put layers on ourselves that actually covered up and toned down and denied who it is that God actually made us to be for his purpose, that he set into motion before we were even born. When we get out of the therapist's office and we actually get into this higher level of living, of God's standard of being on fire, of living out the right order, we shift from the physical into living our life as kingdom builders. So let's dive in to what is the actual blueprint for living as a high-level life, completely sold out for Jesus, living the right order. What do we actually need to do in order to walk this out in our life? Well, the first one is to die to ourself. Now, isn't it interesting that immediately when I say die to yourself, you have this like, well, that sounds horrible, right? Because you just talked about how God uniquely made me. Why would I need to die to myself? Because what we're doing is we're dying to our flesh, we're dying to the physical, we're dying to the limited to this world only. What we're doing is we're removing all of the obstacles and dumping out all of the baggage, all of the layers we put on ourselves over the years out of fear and self-protection. We're killing the bad habits, we're doing a massive reset, right? We're not being like the rich young ruler who said, How do I have abundant life? And Jesus said, You need to sell everything and follow me. He walked away sad because he didn't understand that he needed to die to himself in order to experience that life abundant. That he needed to remove all the obstacles and hindrances in his life. And as a client, just recently put it this week, get out of her own way to experience intimacy in marriage by God's design. Marriage is about holiness, not happiness. And as long as you continue in your selfishness, in your flesh, to not deny yourself and to seek happiness in your marriage, you are going to continue to be frustrated, disappointed, and let down. And you're going to continue to blame your spouse for all of the problems. You're going to continue to blame others for all of the problems that you're facing. You're going to continue to feel this need to carry burdens that God never asked you to carry. You're going to continue to take on this role of self-importance that lacks the understanding of what it means to be spiritually who God made you to be, understanding who you are and Him, your identity. So we have to kill off those bad habits. We have to kill off those low-level cycles of frustration and patterns. And so then the second one we have to do. So the first is to die to yourself. So then what do we do? We have to be reborn. Right? This is gospel, you guys. We have to be reborn, but what does that actually look like to be a new creation? We show up with a different heart posture, as I mentioned, through spiritual disciplines, through stewarding what God has given us to manage. It's a spiritual act of worship. Think about that. How often have you looked at exercise as a way to achieve a result or a certain aesthetic or a have to? But what if you actually shifted that as this physical body is the only one I get on this side of heaven? It will pass away. But I am going to exercise and fuel it well and nourish it because God told me to love others as I love myself. But I love God first and foremost. So therefore I can love myself and I can step into this discipline, this spiritual act of worship, of stewarding what God has given me for his glory, not for an aesthetic, but for his purpose. And as a woman, we have a very unique role in our rebirth, right? Essentially being reborn is walking away from all of the old, right? Behold, the new has come. We have a very unique role in how God made us as women. Vital assistance. And what we need to understand, if you look at Ephesians, it talks to wives first. Why would it talk to wives first when the husband is the head, the channel of God's love to his wife? Why would it address women first? Because we as women have a very specific and special role and responsibility that God uniquely created us for. And what it does is when we surrender, when we posture our heart through discipline, through that rebirth, that new creation, what we do is we create space for the Holy Spirit to work in our husbands. We relinquish control because control is the antithesis. Control is what got you here, that drives you crazy, that keeps you from sleeping at night because you can't control your husband. And the more that you try to control your husband in every aspect of your life, the more burnt out and frustrated. And the more you live in high-functioning anxiety, the more you have to disassociate and check out because you can't manage it all. The more you try to control your husband, the more uncontrollable he becomes. Because that's not what God's design is for us in marriage. God designed us to relinquish control, to be the vital assistance that enables our husbands to step fully into the leadership, the authority that God has given them over us as wives, over our children, over our homes. We are life givers. We are to receive. We move from the physical to the spiritual. So that we create that space for the Holy Spirit to be able to move in our husbands. I always say over and over that God has a way of slingshotting our husbands past us, but when we focus on all the areas that He's not leading up to or not measuring up to, or that He's lacking, or any of those things, what happens is what happens is we get to move to the third step, and that's to multiply. Did you know that in the beginning, God's first command was to be fruitful and multiply? And then Jesus' last command before he ascended to heaven was to go out and make disciples of all nations, to multiply. When we think about multiplying, we think about physically what we have to bring to the table. But when we're moving in a spiritual multiplication, we realize that when it says we abide in the Father, and the Father abides in us, and that's the only way for the fruit to be produced in us. We as women are set free to be relaxed and present and a soft space to land fully in the feminine that God designed us to be, the easier can net go. Because we're not producing it in ourselves. We're not checking a box, we're not finishing the perfect to do list. We are surrender. Which doesn't mean what we think it means. Only God can do this in partnership with us and us in partnership with Him. So it's a command to multiply, to be kingdom builders. To why waste our time building things that will pass away? Why waste our time learning how to communicate and have better conflict with our spouses when everyone says, oh, it's normal to fight in marriage? What may be normal and common is not the design that God has for us in marriage. When you learn the ability and the skill to pause and see that your husband is not the enemy, and that this pattern can be broken, and you can step fully into walking in the spiritual and living in the spiritual, even on this side of heaven, of still having these physical bodies. What you do is you start pulling in the same direction of a shared mission. And you create this kingdom-building vision that doesn't just impact you here and now, but it impacts generations, starting with your own kids and how they get to move into their own marriages without all of the baggage and the layers and the trauma and the drama of low-level marriage and living for happiness. They get to move into marriage, understanding that it is a sanctification, it is a purification process that mirrors our relationship of God and us. Husband and wife mirrors that it is a great mystery, and yet so much is revealed to us when we walk in the spirit and we pull in the same direction. God can heal and restore and set you free in ways that you have an inkling as possible, but you have not yet tasted or seen. We were on the brink of divorce. And God performed a miracle in us for his glory, but that was just the start. My husband for years said, I don't have the time to do these things. I don't have the time to study the word with my wife. I don't have the time or the capacity to pray with my wife. And what he told his coworker friend the other day, he said, I realized I just wasn't being intentional with it. This is my husband who several years ago said, I don't think we always need to be growing, which killed me as someone who is committed to growth, but I was committed to growth on my own shoulders and on my own power and on my own ability to get stuff done and check the box when God was calling me into surrender and presence and stillness and creating his way. So God has done a mighty work in us and is continuing to do it through us. And that's the coolest thing is that it's not just for us. People around us cannot help but deny the peace that we bring into any situation or environment that we're in. We bring that peace because that is produced in us and through us, because of what God has done in us. And while God made me someone who forgave quickly, God also had to show me that healing was a process. And that I needed help to be able to walk through that process. And it wasn't something I could do or a list I could make or something that I needed to take on myself to fix. How many of you are here? Because you're trying everything in your power to fix your marriage. It's not in your power to fix your marriage, it's in partnership with the one who made you your husband and designed marriage. So you're asking yourself, okay, so if I apply these things, my life is going to change. But I've tried these things before. I've tried everything. The problem with trying everything is that nothing works, right? Or it works temporarily and you're still stuck in those same cycles. So if you're asking how do I do this, I want to invite you into high-level wife. High level wife is our community of women who are not grumblers or complainers who are stuck in the low level, just getting focused on the my husband left my socks on the floor again, or his socks on the floor again, or didn't do this, or didn't do that, or are stuck in the love languages and consistently getting burned out or keeping score. No, these women are high level. These women delight and are delighted in. These women look in the mirror and say, what in me needs to change? How do I need to continue to die to self and are doing this on a daily basis? And not only that, but they're doing it relaxed and surrendered. I want you to look at Katie. Katie has been a high-level wife for three months and has gone from an inability to sit fully in a chair because she was so dregulated and on high alert and unable to trust fully her husband or her ability to do anything except react. To now, she is not only completely in a different marriage with the same man who has fully stepped into his role as husband, authority, and leadership of her, but she is now coaching other women because we are equipped to coach who? Ourselves, our former selves, and she is doing just that. And people are saying, who are you? Because they cannot deny the confidence that she has of how she's following her husband, and also how present and relaxed she is, how she is surrendered, spirit-led, and set apart. And that is what we're doing inside high-level wife. So just three months for Katie. And then there's Sarah. Only showing up for intimacy out of duty and responsibility, to now completely being present with both her girls and her husband, to initiating, to mutually enjoying, to being relaxed, to being that fully present again, surrendered, spirit-led, and set apart. And then there's Amanda. Amanda, just this week asked the question, how do I fully surrender to my husband when I am ashamed of my body? And then the next day she said, I fully surrendered, not of compulsion or duty, but in this spiritually led by God's design for intimacy and oneness in marriage. And was unashamed and fully present. And she cried tears of joy. Her tears of frustration and feeling unworthy and unbeautiful were transformed by the work of the Holy Spirit and her surrender into tears of joy and celebration. So high-level wife, this is not for the woman who wants to complain, who wants to blame her husband, who wants to wait for her husband to lead her well so that she can step into the role that God designed her for. This is not for the wife who is looking for a quick fix. This is not for the wife who just wants a master check list of things that she needs to do in order to be a better wife. Or for the wife who just wants to learn how to love her husband better. Or for the wife who wants to kind of fly below the radar and isn't willing to do the heavy lifting and the work in partnership with the Holy Spirit to release things, to take off the burdens and the layers. But this is for the wife who wants to blow the roof off of what is marriage done God's way, what it means to live on fire with the right order of priorities in life, who wants to experience this depth of intimacy and oneness as God created it, that completely blows your mind and blows that roof off. For the woman who is all in, who will do whatever it takes in order to create this space in her marriage for her husband to step into his leadership and authority, for the woman who is willing to do whatever it takes to be fully surrendered to God's will, who will wake up and say, This is a day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it. What is your will? How do you want me to focus on the spiritual and spend the time, energy, and resources that you have given me, God, to steward today? This is for the woman who is willing to look in the mirror and say, What in me needs to change? And how do I need to partner with the Lord to release the things that I have been holding on to? To move in the better and better and not the low level bitter and bitter. So, high-level wife, this is an elite exclusive community of women who are on fire, who are not lukewarm and going to be spit out. So, how do you get in? I'm not going to gatekeep. I'm going to tell you, click the button below, fill out the application because this is a high level, and we don't let just anybody in to water down the true gospel, to water down being standard setters, to water down God's design for marriage and for you walking it out as an easer connector. We do not allow that. So fill out the application and we will determine if you are a good fit for this space. And then right now, what you can do is you can go ahead and click the link for a very limited time. We are opening the doors for $97 a month so that we can have some massive growth in this space of these high-level women that I just told you about. That we are doing marriage God's way. That we're not trying to be better than our husbands or stronger than our husbands or more spiritual than our husbands, but our hearts are postured fully surrendered and are praising God for what he's doing in us and through us and what he is yet going to do because of our willingness to show up and roll up our sleeves and die to self and be reborn and to become multipliers. Do that. And as I said, you can apply these things, these three things that I shared with you. You can apply this blueprint to your life, and you will become a better wife, you will have a better marriage. Your life will get better and better as you make these shifts and focus on the spiritual and not the physical. But if you want to do this, as I always say, faster and more thoroughly in a community with women who are going to challenge you, who are these standard setters who are not stuck in these low-level things, who are kingdom builders, living on mission, being intentional every single day, then you want to join us in this space because we're doing it faster and we're doing it better, than trying to do it on our own and stumbling along and taking longer, because we're trying to figure it out. You've been trying to figure it out for years, and this is where you are again. Whether you came here and watched this video because you are denying the darkness that's in your heart that is not God honoring over your marriage, or you're here because your marriage is pretty good, but you know, deep down, there is that deep down just longing that God has something better in store. Okay, that's possible to flourish, that is possible to be fully surrendered, spirit-led, and set apart. Whatever the reason is that you're here, you're in the right place, and this is your decision. There's no such thing as coincidence. Absolutely not. You watched, you clicked on this video, you watch this video, and you're here at the end with me of this video because God is calling you into a higher level of living for his glory to build and multiply his kingdom. See you on the other side.