FIRST: You’re Asking the Wrong Question

What if God isn’t withholding an answer… what if He’s building your foundation?

So often we bring God questions about decisions, timelines, relationships, parenting, or the future, while He’s inviting us into something much deeper: seeking Him first.

In this episode, we’ll unpack why God often focuses on the condition of our hearts before the circumstances around us, what the wilderness was really for, and why the foundation God builds in you is far more important than the decisions you’re asking Him to make for you.

Transcript

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Welcome back to the High Level Wife podcast. I'm Chelsea Holm, your hostess, and here we do Marriage God's Way. And I'm excited about diving into this topic today because it's something that I've been having conversations with inside High Level Wife with the wives in there that um it's coming out of this frustration of God doesn't answer every question, but it's actually more about the fact that we're not asking the right questions. We're asking the wrong questions. And uh that's the topic of today. You're asking the wrong question. So I recently had a wife, and I love this wife. I love her heart. She is she is drawing near to the Lord, and um, she's still struggling in the ins and out of every day, right? Just as we all do in learning how to what it looks like to follow God with all our heart in every aspect of life. And so she asked me to pray because she had a deadline to decide whether her child would play a certain sport or not. And she shared her frustration because she felt like God wasn't answering her in it. Um, right? Like God, God's timeline is not ours. He uh a day to him is like a thousand days to us, and or a thousand years to us, and a thousand years to us is like a day to him. He doesn't, he doesn't function, he is not limited to our timeline. Um, you know, and and as I was praying over her, and I was thinking later and reflecting on the fact that and the realization that I don't think God was silent here. I think actually what was happening is she was asking a foundation question while focusing on decorations. And so actually on today's high level wife call, we were talking about this that you know, God is God is focused on the foundation, but we often are asking God what color to paint the walls, but the walls haven't even been built yet because the foundation isn't finished yet, or the foundation isn't set yet or cured yet. We do this all the time by asking questions of like, God, should I move, or should I homeschool my kids, or should my kid play this sport, or should I quit my job? And none of those things are bad questions, and none of those things are bad things. So I don't want you to hear that. Many times it's actually about the good things that we miss the fact that God is working on foundation because sometimes God isn't answering because he's actually acting actually asking, I think I just tried to put like three words together there. But okay, so let's rewind here. Words are hard. Podcasting is so fun when words are hard. No, I love podcasting. I truly do. This is one of my favorite things to do. Um, okay, so here's the thing sometimes God isn't answering, or it feels like he's not answering, because he's actually asking a deeper question. Matthew 6, 25 through 34 says, Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Notice the context here that Jesus isn't talking about church attendance, he's talking about everyday life. He's talking about things, food, clothing, tomorrow, practical needs. The disciples wanted answers, but Jesus gave them an order. Speak first. God often answers our questions by establishing our priorities or revealing where our priorities are actually being carried out. Because the problem isn't lack of direction. We often think if God would just tell me what to do, right? I've said that so many times in my life. Like, God just tell me what to do and I'll do it. But God's often saying, I'm showing you who to become, I'm refining you, I'm disciplining you, I'm training you, I'm pruning you. God is far more interested in forming your heart than solving your every decision. Why? And here's the thing I want you to hear most of all today, because a transformed woman makes different decisions than an anxious woman. Proverbs 3, 5 through 6. Everyone knows this verse. People put it on their walls, tattoo it on their bodies, right? Have it on signs, put it on bumper stickers. But how many actually live in full surrender and submission to it? Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Trust comes before direction. Surrender comes before clarity. Abraham was told to leave this land and go to a land I have not yet told you yet. He had to trust the Lord. Surrender had to come before he was given clarity. He had to trust the Lord before he was given direction. So imagine you're building a house. This this analogy I made on the high level wife calls it, and it hit home for so many that the builder is pouring the foundation, right? While the builder is pouring in the foundation, you're asking where to hang family pictures, or you're debating on paint collars, you're shopping for throw pillow pillows, pillars, pillows, right? And again, none of those are bad things. Those are good things, they're just premature, they're out of order. We often obsess over secondary decisions while neglecting the primary work God is doing in us. Why? Because it's the secondary decisions that are easier for us to control. When God is asking for our full surrender, and those things we don't have to even worry about because God will work them out. This is why God allows the wilderness. In Deuteronomy 8, 2 through 3, 2 through 3, it says, Remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you these 40 years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart. The wilderness wasn't a punishment, it was preparation. God wasn't trying to waste their time, he was revealing their hearts. He was teaching dependence on God, trust in God, obedience to God. Because here's why. God was taking them into a land that there would be giants that would need to be slain. It would take massive amounts of courage and full trust in the Lord that they did not yet have. Right? It's not loving of God to take us into a place where we are completely unprepared. He prepares us first, and not in the way that we can do it in our own strength and understanding, but he prepares our hearts first, teaching dependence and trust and obedience. Verse 3 of that Deuteronomy passage says, That man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. The Israelites thought they needed bread, but God knew they needed dependence. They need to learn obedience, they needed to learn submission to him through Sabbath. You need to learn to trust him with the provisions of days one through six to sustain them for seven. This is why preparation matters because everyone wants the promised land. I know I do. But few appreciate the wilderness, and many of us we don't we can't appreciate the wilderness until we're looking back. But that's why I'm so glad you're here and you're listening to this. Because I have been through the wilderness, and I have the receipts to prove these things to you. But more important than my own experience, the receipts that are in the new or the old testament with the Israelites. Right. Again, there are giants waiting, Jericho, battles, responsibility, influence, blessing. God prepares us privately before he entrusts us publicly. But here's the thing: we usually are not the same privately as we are publicly. There are inconsistencies there. It's these inconsistencies that God is disciplining out of us in the wilderness. Freedom without formation becomes destruction. Blessing without character becomes idolatry. Let's bring this in home to marriage here. So, wife, I know what you're asking. I know, because almost every wife that I've talked to asked the same thing, and I asked the same thing in my marriage so long. How do I get my husband to change? But you're missing what God is asking. God is asking, will you surrender? While you're asking, how do I improve communication? God is asking, Do I have your heart while you're concerned with asking, what decision should I make here, Lord? And getting frustrated that He's not answering. God's actually asking you, Am I first? Looking back at Mary and Martha in Luke 10, 38 through 42, Martha wasn't asking the wrong question because she was serving. She was focused on many things. But it was Mary that chose the one thing that was necessary. And right order always precedes right action. The one thing necessary makes sense of the many things. I'm gonna say that again. The one thing necessary makes sense of the many things. But too often we focus on the many things and we can't ever see the one thing necessary. So before asking, what should I do? Instead, ask, Am I seeking God first? Ask God directly. God, am I seeking you first? Am I surrendered to you? Am I abiding in you? Am I walking in obedience to what you've already shown me? Is there something you've already asked me to do that I'm delaying? Reveal it to me, God. Because often the next step isn't about more information, it's actually deeper obedience. God is not playing hide and seek with his will. I remember back in middle school in youth group, it's by my dad and my stepmom actually who were visiting North Dakota this week, they led, they were the youth group leaders at the time. And I remember this one kid, he always asked the question Does God really care about what color socks I put on today? This since then this man has actually walked away from the Lord and um very sad story. But you know, I think it all ties back to that because he didn't believe. He didn't know who God actually is. And that's where that question was coming from, right? He was asking the same questions that you're probably asking today of being concerned with the many things rather than being focused on the one necessary thing and the many things take care of themselves. God is establishing your foundation. He's not withholding because he's distant, he's actually preparing you because he loves you. And the greatest gift God can give you isn't always another answer. It's becoming the kind of woman who seeks him first. Let me give you an example of this. It's probably a little premature, but I'm gonna do it anyways. My husband called me today and said, Hey, um, uh a different position came up for military. Here's what it is, here's what it would entail. Um, all the things, right? And I just the whole time he was talking, just my spirit welled up in me because I know the gifts and talents that God has instilled in him, and I think it would be perfect for him, and God could do a mighty thing through him in this position. But old me would have been focused on where are we moving? What does that mean for us? All of the many things rather than focus on the one thing necessary and being able to support my husband as the Lord is leading him and using him and letting my gifts complement his gifts, not compete with them. So let's wrap it back up here with Matthew 633. Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Not because God is giving you a formula for getting what you want. That's what the world does, and they'll charge you thousands for it. But it's because when he is truly first, everything else finally finds its proper place. So this week, before you ask God another question about your circumstances, ask him one about your heart. Lord, what foundation are you building in me before you answer the details I'm asking about? Because first things first, everything else is built on that foundation. I will see you on the next episode.