Attention Shapes Affection: What You Notice Is Forming You

What has your attention right now?

Because whatever consistently has your attention is shaping your heart.

In this episode, we’re exploring one of the most powerful principles in spiritual formation: attention shapes affection. We’ll talk about why the enemy fights for your attention, how what you repeatedly notice changes your marriage, your parenting, and your relationship with God, and why learning to intentionally direct your attention may be one of the most practical ways to seek the Kingdom first.

Transcript

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Welcome back to the High Level Wife Podcast. I'm Chelsea Holm, your hostess, and we do Marriage God's way here. And this episode is not about morning routines. This series is not about morning routines or your miracle morning. This is about discipleship because attention shapes affection. What you notice is forming you. So I want you to introduce you to this principle that has changed my life. And honestly, in so many different ways, but it's that attention shapes affection. Whatever you consistently notice, you begin to know. What you know, you begin to understand, and what you understand, you begin to appreciate. What you appreciate, you begin to love. But the opposite is also true. Whatever you consistently ignore eventually becomes unfamiliar, and unfamiliar things rarely receive our affection. Right? Look at the divisions in our world. These divisions are done from afar, they're never done in close proximity, right? Like, because when you actually know somebody, that is different than knowing of somebody. And guess what, sister? The enemy fights for your attention. I don't think that the greatest battle today is for your calendar, it's for your attention because whatever has your attention is discipling you. Every scroll, headline, conversation, thought you entertain, criticism you rehearse, offense you replay, your attention is never neutral. Proverbs 423 says, above all else, guard your heart for everything you do flows from it. Say that five times fast. Flows from it. You know, we often ask the question, or I've asked this question before, like, how do I guard my heart? We do that by guarding what repeatedly captures our attention because attention is the doorway to the heart. Like, what are you interested in, right? You seek that out and you want to know more about it. People could probably look at my social media and tell you what I'm interested in, what my focus is very easily. Right? People could walk into my home and tell me what my focus is and my attention is, right? What's important to me. Why? Look at Peter walking on water in Matthew 14. He walked in the water until his attention shifted, right? Jesus didn't change. The wave didn't suddenly become stronger or the winds stronger, but Peter's focus changed. He started to focus on the air, the wind around him. Because what you focus on determines how you walk. I love that we got to see that picture because immediately he started to sink, because his attention shifted. His focus changed. So if you notice all the time what your husband is doing wrong, you're going to build a case against him. And confirmation bias is real. You'll find evidence for whatever you're looking for. So if you begin intentionally noticing his effort, his growth, his faithfulness, his kindness, your affection begins to grow. And this doesn't ignore sin, it trains your eyes to also see grace. Let's look at it with parenting. If all you notice is correction, your child experiences criticism. But if you intentionally notice courage and kindness and growth and obedience and creativity in them, your affection deepens. Children grow where attention is given, right? This is why there are so many kids that act out negatively because their negative behavior gets attention. If that's all they're going to get, then they're going to do it, right? Let's look at your relationship with God. We often say I don't feel close to God, but the question is, what has had your attention all week? Have you beheld Christ or everything competing with him? You cannot consistently behold the world and expect deep affection for Jesus. Second Corinthians 3.18 tells us that, and we all, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image. We become what we behold, right? We have eye gates and ear gates, what we see and what we focus on and what we listen to. Transformation begins with attention. We have a simple framework that I teach inside high level life called NED. It's notice, explore, and decide. So when we're noticing, we get we use this a lot with emotions and physical body reactions to help in the moment, but we can also use this with attention. So noticing is what has my attention right now, right? If you walk into your house and all you're focused on are the messes, and then now you're running around like that crazy person, like yelling at your family to clean and it's all their fault and yada yada yada, right? What has your attention? The messes, right? Now, it's not ignoring the messes, but it's seeing the message, the messes in light and anchored to the truth of Christ and what's most important, building on that foundation. So now you can address the messes differently. So what thoughts keep replaying? What do I immediately notice in my husband or my children or myself? Then we move into the exploring of the Ned framework. Why does this have my attention? Is it rooted in fear? Is it an old receipt? Gratitude, pride, a wound, truth. And then decide the final Ned framework step. Decide, is this worthy of my attention? Right? Is this bringing peace into the environment? Or is it adding to chaos? Is it bringing anxiety into the situation? Or is it keeping us rooted and grounded in Christ? Does it move me closer to Christ? Does it help me to love God and others better? What deserves my attention instead? So again, it's not like I said, it's not about the mess itself, but it's about what is anchoring us to see that mess? What is the filter that we're using? So for the next seven days, I'm going to challenge you here to notice three evidences of God's grace in your husband every day. Notice three evidences of God's work in your children. And notice one way God provided for you today. And then here's the key: write them down. Train your attention because what you repeatedly notice shapes what you eventually love. So let's bring it back to first. This is why Jesus said seek first, because whatever receives your first attention begins shaping your heart before anything else does. Think of the man that wanted to follow Jesus, but then he's like, I gotta go back and bury my dead first. And Jesus is like, No, the dead will bury themselves, follow me, right? When we don't seek first, that's what we're doing. We're going back to all of the other things that are getting our attention first. So you are becoming whatever consistently has your attention. And I want to challenge you here to ask yourself, what has been discipling me lately? Fear, news, social media, old receipts, what I think others think of me, my husband's faults, or Jesus. Because attention isn't just what you look for, attention is what you're becoming. So the next episode, we're going to take this one step further because if attention shapes affection, then every ordinary moment becomes an opportunity for worship. And we'll talk about what it means to consecrate your attention so that fitness, parenting, marriage, work, social media, laundry, even the smallest moments become acts of worship. I will see you on the next episode.