Adulthood Anxiety: Confronting the Fear of Growing Up

Join Youth Ambassador Belle-Ange as she navigates the popular topic of growing up. In this episode Belle-Ange addresses the fears that youth express about growing up, and how to overcome those fears!

Transcript

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Hi everyone, welcome back, or welcome if you're new to another segment of the Get With The Grove podcast. I'm your host, belange, a fellow youth ambassador at the grove Woolwich site, and today it's just me, and I'm going to be discussing a topic that several youth at our site have expressed concern and apprehension towards. It's a topic that many may not realize current youth now more than ever really relate to and that is the fear of growing up. Now this may come as a surprise to some of you, especially since we often see in the media and hear stories where youth can't wait to grow up, we imagine all this so called Freedom we'll have when we're older, right? But when you really think about it, is that really the case? In reality, growing up can be scary, and it's something I've noticed more and more in the youth I talk to, especially here at the grove. I don't know exactly when the switch happened, but today's youth seem to be facing a fear that, in my opinion, wasn't as present a few decades ago, and honestly, I don't blame them. So I'm aware that this is a large topic to cover. So let's first break this down. One of the biggest fears that I hear about from youth today is the fear of becoming self sufficient. There's this overwhelming thought that maybe they'll never be able to stand on their own two feet. I mean, let's think about it like this. We start off with that basic support system, right? Our families, caretakers and others who are there for us, but we all know that eventually they won't be there forever, and even if we know that's coming, it's still a huge weight to carry. So the question is, how do we even begin to prepare for that? And also, I want to acknowledge that some of us may not even start with that. We may not even start with that basic support system, because we always hear people say that it takes a village to raise a child right to just raise someone at all. So what do you do when you don't have that village? What do you do if that village looks more like one person, maybe even two, it's a large task, and honestly, I don't even know how I overcame growing up when I was younger. I remember being in their shoes and being terrified of adulthood, but I guess the best way I can compare it, it's like riding a bike, right? So you have your mom's hand holding you as you're you're on the bike for the first time without the training wheels, and it feels like, okay, maybe I can do this. And the second she lets go, it feels like you're flying, but not in the fun way. It feels like your fault. You're flying and you're about to fall. It's terrifying, and you feel so unsure of where you're going. And it's just overall, a very stressful experience. But over time, even when you fall, you get back up and you have that support to help you get back on that bike and try again. And I feel like that's similar to self sufficiency. With that support, you can start off falling time and time again, but over time, you learn to get back up without their help, and I feel like that's the closest we can compare growing up to in terms of self sufficiency, and for those who may not have that basic support system, it's also never too late to start building that support system, but I'm getting ahead of myself. So another major factor fueling the fear of growing up is finances. And I know this one may get a few chuckles from parents and older adults, but it's true. I mean, think about it, in a fast paced environment like the North American, Canadian, Western culture, it's to be expected. It's not just about making enough money to get by. It's about the overwhelming pressure to hustle constantly, go, go, go, and never stop moving. I mean, you never have time to rest, and you honestly feel guilty for even resting, and it just feels like you're constantly falling behind in this society. It feels like everything is fine. Paced, expensive and incredibly competitive. And the youth they see that they see what's around them. They hear and see how adults in their lives may be struggling to make ends meet, or stressing about inflation, bills, those ridiculous gas prices. I mean, come on and mortgage, rent, groceries. Have you seen how much fruits and vegetable cost nowadays? It's ridiculous, and it's no wonder their stress. They see the struggle and resilience of the people in their lives getting by. But it ultimately creates this fear of, will I be able to get by? Am I doing enough right now to be ready for tomorrow, for the next day, for the future to come. I mean, if you look at the prices right now, think about the prices in 10 years. And the thing is, it's not just about paying for things now. It's that constant stress of trying to get ahead, of feeling like you're falling behind before you've even really started. We live in a society that puts so much pressure on success and hustling that it feels like there's no time to breathe. But let's hop back for a second to my previous point inflation. And there's probably several sides from from everyone listening to this, but really inflation, everything costs more, and yet wages aren't keeping up, and that's a huge burden for anyone, but especially for youth who haven't even had the chance to establish themselves in the workforce. They haven't even made their first resume yet. So the idea of a stable, affordable future, it can feel like an unattainable dream, and this hustle culture, paired with the rising cost of living and lack of substantial support, makes the idea of becoming an adult even more daunting. It's no wonder so many are afraid of growing up. It's not just about being independent, it's about surviving in a world that feels relentlessly demanding. It feels like this world is constantly asking them for more, and they're not even done school yet, and they just keep on giving more and more in hopes that one day they'll feel ready, but switching gears for a second, here's another big one that even I myself have heard a lot from younger youth as a university student, the fear of making the right choices for the future. A lot of youth are terrified of getting into university or picking the wrong career program. It's like they have to figure it all out before they're even old enough to vote. Which is crazy. I keep hearing worries of choosing the wrong program or school, or the fear of changing paths and starting all over again after picking the quote, unquote wrong one, and I hear youth asking me, What if I choose the wrong program? What if I can't even afford it? What if I don't have the grades for it, or what if they don't land me a job that's going to pay the bills? And I can empathize. I definitely can. I remember being in grade 12, touring universities and applying for for all these different universities, crossing my fingers and my toes that I would get in, but also being afraid that, what if I get in but I choose the wrong one? What if this is not the university for me? I remember trying to close my eyes and envisioning myself walking those campuses as a first year and thinking, Where do I feel like I belong? Is this gonna set me up for the right future? I remember thinking all of those questions, and it's so normal, but when I heard them ask me those questions, part of me wanted to be so quick to tell them, Why are you worrying about that right now? You're only 1215, 16, but I won't lie, it did make me realize the larger issue at hand, and I'd like to call it the generational gap. Sometimes when youth talk about their fears, it feels like adults aren't always as understanding. A lot of the time the stress that youth feel can be dismissed as just part of growing up, or you'll figure it out. But the reality is, for many youth today, the struggle feels real and immediate. What's even harder is when adults compare youth struggles to their own and deem them as insignificant. I mean, let's be honest for a second. How many times have we heard growing up, what do you have to be worried about you're just a kid, or just wait till you're an adult, or you do not have to wear. About that right now, or you have a roof over your head. You have nothing to worry about. All those dismissive comparison statements are so harmful and invalidating to children's feelings and youth feelings, leaving them with little to no room to express their concerns, if anything, makes them less likely to come to you with their concerns. Let's take a second to think about it, right? Children and Youth are seen as overly emotional or dramatic, yet adults fail to understand that that's all that they know. They don't have the life experience that adults do. So as a result, they rely on their emotions to make sense of their world, and when they're still learning how to process those feelings, even small worries can feel like huge mountains. It's how they learn. So of course, their worries are going to feel larger than adults may perceive them to be. It goes back to what I said about learning to ride a bike, right? Even that small sense of self sufficiency, of learning, of that uncertainty, it feels like a big hurdle to overcome, and we're doing a disservice to youth if we don't acknowledge those challenges that they are facing as they grow and as they're learning. And this is why I find that spaces like the grove are so important. They provide the support and resources that help youth face these challenges head on and prepare them for the future, especially as society expects youth to fend for themselves once they turn 18, which I still have my issues with. The Grove really steps in for youth between the ages of 12 to 26 at a time when your frontal lobe is still developing, we're able to provide that support as you're trying to balance the excitement of independence with the reality of responsibilities, it's the perfect place to help bridge that gap. We're a place that provides resources for your mental and physical needs, from mental health support to physical care, whether it's our nurse on site, or even the simple things like showers, laundry, food, care packages and tutoring. We've got you covered, whether it's here in the Guelph region, at the University of Guelph campus, or here on Woolwich street, or even in the rural areas like Aaron Fergus, palmerson and sheldale. And the best part, it's all free. And honestly, the truth is, growing up doesn't have to be something to fear. Sure, it comes with challenges, but the key is building a support system that can help you along the way, whether it's making those informal and social connections with your friends and supportive family members, or those formal supports, whether it's in elementary school, high school or post secondary, with mentors or even right here at the Grove, these resources exist to guide you, to offer advice and to give you tools that you may not even know You need yet at school, it may be about finding a teacher who you trust or a counselor who can help you set goals for your future. Maybe it's talking to someone about career advice or just learning how to manage stress during exams. The more you start preparing now, the better off you'll be when it's time to step into adulthood. It's not about doing everything alone. It's about having a network of support that can help you navigate the tough times. And I feel like that gets misconstrued. People mistake independence for isolation. They confuse self sufficiency with being alone and not accepting any help or support, and that's just not the case. Support will look different depending on which age you're in, right? So the point of self sufficiency from before, it's not something to be afraid of. It's something to honestly celebrate because you're learning how to spread your own wings with the support and the foundation you built from a younger age. And so now is the time to start laying the foundation for the supports that will follow you into your adulthood. And I'll admit, the real world doesn't always make it easy to build those supports. Sometimes it feels like it costs money to just merely exist, but having the courage to lean on these supports now can help you feel more ready for what's next, and remember you're never alone in this journey. There are resources out there and there are people who want to see you succeed. So. If you're feeling that fear of growing up, you're not alone. A lot of youth are feeling it right now, even I'm feeling it right now, but with the right support, the future and growing up can be something to look forward to, and as I wrap up and reflect on what was discussed today, I'm going to be honest, my heart does break for those who live in fear of getting older in this world, but I'm also hopeful that there are people in our community right now who want to make that difference, to equip the future generation with the tools to not only survive but to thrive in this world. And us here at the Grove, we've got your back once again. Thank you for tuning in to another episode of Get With The Grove. Stay positive, stay connected, and we'll see you next time. Bye. You