Step 12: How To Spread The Good News

Spreading the message of recovery and living the principles of recovery are good goals. That's what Step 12 is all about.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

It's time again for Doc Jock, your addiction lifeguard podcast. I am Dr. Jock DeBerker, a psychologist, licensed professional counselor, and addiction specialist. If you are suffering from addiction, misery, trauma, whatever it is, I'm here to help. If you're in search of help to try to get your life back together, join me here at Doc Jock, your addiction lifeguard, the addiction recovery podcast. I wanted to be real clear about what this podcast is intended for. It is intended for entertainment and informational purposes but not considered help. If you actually need real help and you're in need of help, Please seek that out. If you're in dire need of help, you can go to your nearest emergency room or you can check into a rehab center or call a counselor like me and talk about your problems and work through them. But don't rely on a podcast to be that form of help. It's not. It's just a podcast. It's for entertainment and information only. So let's keep it in that light. All right. Have a good time. Learn something and then get the real help that you need from a professional.

UNKNOWN: 1:19

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00: 1:44

I've talked a lot in these podcasts about recovery and what does that recovery look like and how do we do it and what happens when there's people around us that are you. I've talked so many different angles of recovery, but there's one angle that I don't know that I've ever actually talked about in all these podcasts I've done, the 100 plus podcasts, and that is the going out and carrying the message to other people. and practicing the principles of recovery. And in the 12 steps we consider, that's step 12. And what is it that you, how do you do this? So let me just start with the beginning of like, let's, review what step 12 is. If you don't know what step 12 is, I'm going to read it to you. And if you do know what it is, just follow along. Step 12, having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we try to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all of our affairs. In other words, go out and spread the good news. Well, there's two things about step 12 that are interesting. You have the spiritual awakening, right?

UNKNOWN: 2:54

And

SPEAKER_00: 2:55

And you tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all of our affairs. That's two things. It's not one. It's not going out and just trying to help people that are in recovery. But it's also about practicing the principles of all of the 12 steps in your life. So I'm going to talk about these two things now. Because they are two very distinctly different things. So let's tackle the first one first and the second one second. The first is try to carry this message to alcoholics. Now, words mean things. And these steps were written specifically to do certain things. And it's important that you read all the words in these steps. So let me repeat this again. We tried to carry this message to alcoholics. tried not must not will but tried so and what is the message so we're trying to carry uh the message to alcoholics so what is your message and if you want to go out and you want to help people and you're trying to figure out ways to do it i think the very first thing you must do is is understand what is it you're trying to to convey what is the message the message of what their lives are a mess or that they need to seek a higher power or that they need to turn their lives over to that higher power or that they have people they may need to make amends to. Like, what is the message? And I would argue that the message actually is not any of those things, but it's more of a broader understanding of what it means to be in recovery. When I'm doing step 12 work, not as a counselor, or therapist in the people that I work with. Not talking about that because that's my job, right? So I'm supposed to do that. I'm talking about if you just meet somebody on the street or maybe it's a friend of a friend, somebody you don't really know. It's a little bit different when you do know them, but let's go with the you don't know them and you just see them. So what is the message? The message, my message is there's a better life for you. You don't have to live this way. That's from me. That's what I always think of. And I always try to encourage people when I see them. I don't try to proselytize. I don't try to convey their failures and they're paralyzed. I don't speak to that in their lives. Because what I've learned over the years is that when you're in recovery, trying to say to somebody else who's not in recovery or maybe failed in their recovery, hey... You are making a huge mistake in what you're doing and you need to stop. That's part of the shaming, right? That's part of the message of stigmatizing and shaming that they get all the time. So rather what I see is a person who is in need and I don't even know because I don't know them. So I don't even know at what stage of need are they in. So I would just say something as simple as, hey, man, you know, life doesn't have to be like this for you. You can you can get help. And that's it. I'm not saying you must. I'm not saying that you, you know, you're failing if you don't. I'm not saying anything negative. What I'm saying is you're suffering and I see that and I want to validate that for you. I want you to understand that I'm seeing you suffering and you don't have to do that. And it's interesting because I don't tell them how. I don't give them my card. I'm not trying to get them to be my client. I'm just trying to talk to them and say, hey, brother, sister, we're all together in this and you don't have to be like that. Because it's a much more compassionate approach, a more stable, compassionate approach to them when they understand that you're not threatening them or judging them and criticizing them. And that's an important thing because criticism is what we absolutely feel when we are being told we are failing because we have addiction, right? So stay away from that message. That's my approach. I stay away from that. I just approach them with, I see you, I see your suffering. And if you want anything or you want something, you need something, you have a source for it. And it's right here in front of you right now. So I have come up to people that I don't even know. I've never seen before. And I'll say, Hey man, You don't have to suffer like this. And it's funny because the reaction I usually get when I do that, and I do it very privately. I don't let other people hear me say it to them. I just say it directly to them quietly. They'll look at me and almost every time they go, what are you talking about? And I go, I see you and I know what's going on. And if you want some help, man, I can give you some suggestions. And it's like I'm here to listen. And it's funny, because the I see you part is the thing that catches their attention. And I was surprised when they look at me and they say, well, what do you mean? And I'm like, if you want some help, I can give you some suggestions. And I've caught people completely off guard many times with that, because they can't believe that I actually spotted them and could see them. It's almost like they thought they were invisible to everybody. but it's the fact that I'm offering something other than judgment or criticism. And it's a different feeling, right? Trying to carry this message to alcoholics, this of the spiritual awakening, of the change, not letting the enemy win. You're in a battle with the enemy and I see that and I care about you. So you have to be sure about what your message is. And when it says in the 12 steps, we try to carry this message of the spiritual awakening. Carrying it to alcoholics. Now, there's another way to interpret that. And that is simply that, you know, maybe you need to focus your efforts on going to meetings, maybe be a presenter, you know, offer yourself up to be a presenter to tell your story of overcoming. And that's a very powerful thing, right? We people in the rooms, we love hearing those those messages because it's like, wow. it's kind of like you're putting yourself up there as the bad example. You know, it's like, geez, man, if you can do it, I can do it, you know? And that's, so that can be interpreted that way too. So when you're carrying that message to alcoholics, you're trying to spread the good news. You're trying to get them to understand there is hope. There is a possibility for change. So understand and make sure you understand what, what this message is, what that means to you, because that's interpretive. And again, then also how are you conveying that message and who are you conveying it to? And what's the, what's the format? What, who was it with? If you're not rock solid in your recovery, you can still be doing that. You know, um, sometimes that helps us in our recovery is when we, um, offer a hand up to somebody next to us, it makes us stronger. Um, I, you know, there's a lot of lessons we can learn in a lot of different ways. And there was, um, I deal with a lot of military guys and women too, actually, in my office. And one thing I've learned from that is an interesting thing. The story of like when you are in the military and you have a focus on one thing and that's the mission. And the mission is whatever you're assigned. So if it's a combat, then you have to take that hill, take that valley, take that position, that forward position that the enemy has. Take out those tanks, take out those planes, take out that ship. You know, that's the mission. And so everybody needs to focus on the mission. So the idea that like the Navy SEALs, the Navy SEALs don't look for leaders. They're not looking for leaders, individual leaders. When they go through BUDS training and they go through Hell Week, they're not looking for guys who are trying to be leaders, right? They're kind of problematic because they always want to be in charge. They don't take direction as easily as somebody who is just part of the team. So when they go through the SEAL training, they're looking for teamwork. They're looking for people who want to be on a team. Now, obviously, every SEAL team has a leader, and that's the person who is responsible for things. However, each person has gone in with one team. overriding command, and that is to complete the mission. And they do it with precision and expertise and an exhausting amount of training and preparation. But overall, it's the mission. What is the mission? We need to accomplish the mission. And everybody has their part and they all move together as a team. And each person that is on that team may have to at some point do some other team members work because that team member gets taken out. And it's a vital skill that needs to be exercised in that moment. So each person has to be a member of the team. And I think it's kind of like that with recovery, isn't it? Like we're all a team. Like individuals don't get sober. Teams do. Groups do. Families do. And so we go into the rooms. And as a member of the recovery team, the recovery group, we gather as a group. We pray as a group. We talk as a group. We support each other as a group because we're trying to accomplish a mission, and that is to be free, right? Be spiritually free. Be free from the enemy attacking us and to survive and thrive. So finding ways to carry the message as a group is a difficult one to understand when you're just doing it as an individual. But when you think of yourself as part of the group, And you're going to spread a message of spiritual awakening, of sobriety, of peace. That is one that you can convey easily when you do it the right way. So to carry this message to alcoholics, to people that need help. The second part of this is to practice these principles in all of our affairs. Now, the principles, principles of sobriety, of the 12 steps, being humble, being being able to have a command of surrender to higher power, to understand that fearless moral inventory of yourself, and to be able to accept those things, understand that your addiction is more powerful than you, so you can't engage in it, it will overrun your life. So the idea that you're gonna practice those principles in all of our affairs, Not just in recovery, but in everything. And I think back to how many people I've treated over the years that have really shattered lives. Their health has declined. They've lost friends. They've lost family members because nobody will talk to them. They've lost their job. They've lost their money. They've lost their home. Some of them end up in jail or prison. Sometimes they have catastrophic physical issues caused by their addiction. So they've lost things, right? When you have lost that much, it's difficult for us to understand what there is left. And so rebuilding your life means that you're starting over. Most cases, people have lost so much that they're starting over. Some of us reach a bottom that is incredibly deep. Some of us have a bottom that's not quite so deep. It doesn't matter. It's still a loss, right? So if you're going to Practice these principles, these principles of humility and compassion and understanding and forgiveness and care and support when needed of others in all of our affairs. So you can translate that into, I'm going to do this at work. I'm going to do it with my neighbor. I'm going to do it with my children. I'm going to do it with my spouse. I'm going to do it with my parents, my siblings, anybody that you come in touch with, in contact with. that they're going to definitely be part of your life, right? Those who are left, and some of us lose a lot of people, but you know, whoever you got left, but in all of our affairs. So how you conduct yourself as, let's say that you have, you're a business person, right? You have a job, you're a manager, you have people that you manage in your place of work. Maybe you don't own the business, but you're a manager and you have people that their lives are the ones that you're in charge of well you know 40 hours a week or more or or if they're working part-time whatever but those are people that you affect and so if you can if you can use these principles of those things that I'm are in the 12 steps I've talked about in the workplace how you treat your employees or how you treat your co-workers can be incredibly beneficial to the people around you And, you know, this is a faith-based beginning. The AA model is based on biblical principles, and that is that you will conduct yourself in that way. And, you know, over my lifetime, I've dealt with people who... Um, in, in the workplace that seemingly didn't have any foundation of faith in their life. And boy, are they difficult to work for? I'll tell you, honestly, the, the, the moral compass is spinning around 360 degrees and they don't seem to be, they don't have any ethics or morals in the workplace. They just treat people like garbage. And they seemingly don't have a conscience when they do it. And it's always people that have no faith that do that, it seems like. Every time I run into them, the ones who do have that are the ones that have faith. They understand that there's a moral compass you need to be operating with. I'm not so naive as to say that in the world of business that it's kind of cutthroat or extremely cutthroat, and certainly it is. If you've ever... worked in high-value sales, like sales of very high-value items, yeah, it's pretty cutthroat because you want to get that sale. So I get that. And that's okay, I guess. But it's just in your everyday existence. having a moral compass that can steer you and guide you and that's what we learn in recovery is and that's the humility part the humble being humble in what you're doing and how you conduct yourself really speaks a lot to perhaps how you were raised or what you believe Or it can be, hey, I'm in recovery and I see people and I care about them. And so I will work differently for them or with them. Or when they work for me, I'll treat them differently because I know what it means to suffer. So when you're practicing these principles in your life, practicing them, what does that mean? Well, it means that you're working to better the world around you. If you think about how much damage you've done to yourself, physically, spiritually, emotionally, relationally, financially, if you think about all the damage you've done to yourself, it might be a little bit shocking to realize that. And when you reflect back on it, when you go through recovery, you do see it. It's one of the things that when I'm working with somebody who had been working on recovery, It seems like about every, I don't know, second or third session, if they're a year in or two years in to the recovery, I remind them of where they came from. And it's funny. I don't do that to bring them back down. And that's not my intention. It's to remind them that they've gone so far because they– When you have done things that are so damaging to yourself, it's difficult sometimes to let it go. It's difficult to say, I get it now. When you're the prodigal son or the prodigal daughter and you return and you say, I understand now when you were trying to tell me this is not good, but I get it now. I understand by my actions how much damage I've done. It's important to understand the perspective. You don't have to be standing there in front of your father with your rags on, smelling of pig slop and dirty and disheveled and not having eaten well to say, I've learned. But sometimes you do, right? Sometimes that is where it goes. But certainly when somebody goes through that, they have a powerful message to give. to people who are struggling and to the idea of I'm doing this alone is scary. Some of us who go through those situations where they've done it alone, they didn't get the help, they didn't get the support, they have a very strong, powerful message of recovery, redemption. And you can convey that. And so when you're conducting yourself in your daily life and you feel the thing that you should in full recovery, and that is not sobriety, but peace. When you're peaceful, because the storm, you've weathered the storm, you've come through the storm, you've survived, and now you're thriving. Spreading that message of peace is a powerful message to others. And that's really the whole foundation of what Step 12 is about. You've come through the worst of it. And now you can be the teacher and the example for people who are entering into the storm or are in the middle of the storm. Now, I want to be clear about one thing. Sometimes it feels like people are on a mission and And they really want to be a sponsor. They want to work with sponsees. And if you're not trained in counseling or mental health or substance abuse counseling, it can be a challenge because you really have had no experience other than working with your own sponsor. on the steps and taking that out and trying to replicate that. And that's what people generally do. They'll just repeat what they had presented to them as recovery work. And that's good. But sometimes it's not so good. Sometimes you need more than that. Some people go the other extreme and they'll just become drug counselors or even mental health counselors. There are examples of that. I know somebody who did that. Finished his career, retired, and he got into recovery from drug addiction. that was throughout his entire working career and he started his second career after going to school and getting a degree in counseling and being a counselor and specializing in addiction. And that was awesome. But you don't need to go to that extreme. But at the same time, you may not have that calling. What is your calling? Is it to be a sponsor or is it to do something else? But I think the idea of Step 12 being a mandate that you have to kind of Go out and spread the good news and try to carry on those principles in your own life is a very good one. It doesn't mean that you have to go out and be a sponsor. It doesn't mean that you have to go out and drag people out of the jaws of death, you know. But if you are peaceful and you carry out the principles in your daily life and you live a better life, that is a gifting that is helping other people. It may not even be related to recovery. Anything you do, you may just walk away from it. And that's okay too. There's nothing wrong with that. But the idea that I'm going to carry these principles throughout my life, through everyday living, is an important one. And it's a good... and a noble goal to get to. And so if you're in recovery and you feel peaceful and you're a few years in, even if you're just right at a year, go out and touch somebody's life and see what it feels like. Just give them a kind word, a supportive word when you see them struggling. Maybe tell them, hey, why don't you go to some meetings? I do it all the time, man. It's good for you. It'll help. That kind of thing. can really uplift your soul and it helps a little bit of your own healing. So go out and do the step 12 thing if you can, right? That's it for this episode of Doc Shock, Your Addiction Lifeguard. This is Dr. Jacques DeBrucker, your lifeguard on the beaches of destruction, trying to help you get to a better place. If you need help, you can reach out to me through my website, wellspringmindbody.com, and send me a message. You can call me, email me. If you like this podcast, please subscribe, like, and comment as you wish. If you'd like to be on the podcast or you want to give me some information about something that you know that might be helpful. I'll take it. But in the meantime, do something for your own addiction. Get into recovery. Go to rehab. Go to a counselor. Get some help. Go to a meeting. Do something. Don't end your life to save your addiction. That's crazy. So until next time, this is Doc Jock saying see ya.