How To Recognize Trauma

Are you able to really able to recognize trauma? 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

I'm going for Dr. Addiction Lifeguard Plant. I'm Dr. Dr. Performance Psychologist. Like the professional company addiction specialist. You are suffering from addiction, injury, trauma, whatever it is. I'm here to help. You're in search of help. Try to get your life back together. Join me here at Dr. Addiction Lifeguard, the Addiction Recovery Podcast. I wanted to be real clear about what this podcast is intended for. It is intended for entertainment and informational purposes, but not considered help. If you actually need real help and you're in need of help, please seek that out. If you're in dire need of help, you can go to your nearest emergency room or you can check into a rehab center or call a counselor like me and talk about your problems and work through them. But don't rely on a podcast to be that form of help. It's not. It's just a podcast. It's for entertainment and information only. So let's keep it in that light, alright? Have a good time, learn something, and then get the real help that you need from a professional. And but what what's interesting is trauma, I there's a debate that I have with somebody almost every time I bring it up when they're sitting across from me in treatment as to what is trauma. And it's it's kind of a word that has a lot of uh I I guess you could interpret it in a lot of different ways, but it's a pretty simple, clear thing. Uh if you think about it, trauma is a it's a lasting impact that's left on a person after experiencing an event or feeling like that left them feeling overwhelmed or frightened, scared, um, out of control. But the thing to understand is that it's it's not the event that's traumatic because one person can experience something and it's not traumatic to them, and the person standing right next to them can be horribly traumatized by it. Um so there's a level of what we can accept as an individual. So it's not the event itself, it's the impact of that event. So, for example, if I'm driving down the street and I see somebody get hit by a car, um, but I don't know either person. I don't know the person driving, and I don't know the person who got hit. I feel for the person that got hit. It's just a horrible thing to experience, but I don't have any emotional connection to it. But if I'm seeing the same situation and it's a relative that got hit by the car, I I could I'm gonna be really traumatized by that. The impact of that emotionally on me is gonna be very different different, significantly different than the impact of the same kind of event um if I know the person, if I'm attached to them. So the situation um can be the same, but only one may develop trauma from it, depending on their emotional capacity or their past experience, and then whatever they have for support. Um and the other thing is the the difference between uh experiencing trauma for some people is it's sometimes it's a single event, like the getting hit by the car. It could be a single event, or it could be repeated exposure to the thing. And there's there's an implication there as to how severe the person may experience that. So accidents, abuse, neglect, violence, um, sudden, sudden loss of of a person or something, um uh you know, medical emergencies, chronic stress in childhood, any of those things can be uh causing trauma to right because it's the impact of the event. So those things and it can affect not not just your your thinking, your mind, your body, your behavior. PTSD manifests in many different ways in people. Sometimes they lose complete space and time in that moment. They may have these flashbacks, they may be slightly distracted, they could feel the pain, and that's the whole thing about um, I don't know how many of you have experienced EMDR, eye movement, desensitization and reprocessing, but um the body holding on to that can be an issue, and so you're gonna feel that in your body, but um the symptoms uh that come out of anxiety, they could be uh hypervigilance, anxiety, emotional numbness, intrusive memories or thoughts get in there, sleep problems. That's a pretty common one. Sleep problems, difficulty feeling safe. It's kind of combined with the hypervigilance. There's a lot of ways that it can manifest, and that's problematic uh because people will not they will not put the trauma that they're experienced, they've experienced and the impact of it. They won't attribute it to their chronic neck pain or back pain or their digestive system issues. They might not really think that their sleep is being interrupted by these thoughts that are in their unconscious mind of the trauma. So there's a lot of things that can happen where it manifests. And we look at that as clinicians, we look at, you know, are you eating, are you sleeping, do you have pain? Is there something going on in your social life, your relationships, is there something going on at work? I mean, we look at all those things and we ask those questions, but it's because we're trying to really discover where is the impact of the trauma being manifested. You know, you have a short temper, you have failed relationships all the time. And in my case, we're looking at um addiction. We're looking at drug usage, alcohol, chem, you know, chemicals, gambling, shopping, pornography, the internet, those kinds of things. So when you're experiencing trauma, it leaves an impact. And that impact is something you deal with. And however, the severity of that trauma is perceived by you is how you're feeling that impact. And it's very individual. So how you know coping, coping with this is problematic. So let me uh also explain like the the forms of of trauma can be experiential, so you're experiencing it yourself. It can be secondary experience or exposure trauma where you're seeing somebody else go through this. It can be something that you've heard or that you understand has happened. Um, it was really interesting back when 9-11 occurred. Um, I was uh I was working in healthcare, but I was also doing some work um as an administrator in healthcare. I wasn't a clinician yet. Um, but I was also then moving into the areas of clinical uh education, right? It's going through my master's program. And when that occurred, and then in the DC area, we had a number of other things. We had a uh a shooter that was driving around in a car and he was shooting people randomly on the street that went on for you know a couple months. We had um people that were mailing anthrax around to politicians, and it seemed like every gosh, it was like every three months there was some new thing. And I was watching people in, I was uh doing some work in a uh detox center, and when these things would occur, the people in the detox center, and then my friends who were also working in rehab centers, the the residents would start really freaking out because they're being re-traumatized, uh, physical threat, not safe. And I didn't really understand at the time in my training what was going on, but now I now I I get it, they're re being re-traumatized. And we can talk about that in a minute. But um, so when I when somebody comes into my office and they're talking to me and I start talking about trauma, there's a lot of minimizing and dismissing um everybody that comes in and they're like, so what do you what have you been dealing with? And they're they're just they're really their own story, their own story, their own narrative of the of these things that they've experienced, they will minimize them. And it's a coping mechanism. So whether they're experiencing what we call big T trauma or small T traumas, um, and the big T traumas being major life-threatening or destabilizing events, things in their lives that you know are really, really critical, those are big T traumas. Those small T traumas, ongoing relationship problems, the wounding from that, you know, your friends, they're uh harassing you or abandoning you, chronically being disrespected, um, emotional neglect, um, situations that kind of slowly erode over time as a person's sense of safety and self-worth is is being eroded. Those are the small T traumas, they're not the big ones, like you know, somebody got shot and killed or was murdered. That's a big T. So they they experienced these things in their lives, but then they will minimize them because they've they're trying to cope with them, and that's how they've been coping with it, is by minimizing that. And so it didn't really, they're trying to say to themselves, it didn't really affect them. But in actuality, we know that it did. And but they're trying not to have that. So I will have these discussions where somebody will say, Well, you know, this happened in childhood, or that happened in childhood, but I got over it, or you know, it really wasn't that big of a deal. And it's it's quite fascinating how much I have to go back over and that re-treading of that that story over and over and over again until they finally start to realize just how severe that trauma is. And uh it's not me trying to convince them that, hey, you had a bad life. I I really don't want them to have that bad life experience, but it is it is the truth, right? And so the concept of like revealing the truth is how we get into um how we get into real sobriety. So uh those of you who are listening who are loved ones of somebody who is an addict, understand there there are are traumas in their life. And if they're an adult and you didn't know them when they were a child, you may not know the whole story, and that's okay, but understand that you're seeing something for a reason. And so when somebody comes into my office and they're sitting in the chair across from me and I'm and I'm talking to them, and I'm I'm going through their life story, you know, over time. They it's funny, they they're like, Well, where do we start? And I'm well, well, I, you know, tell me about yourself, and they'll tell me about their job and their relationships and maybe their children if they have them, and they stay real surfacey and you know, uh in in the here and now instead of going back. And then I start asking them questions like, Well, where did you live before? And what you know, what did you do? And I start going backwards through their life. It's funny how they just kind of want to skim right over a whole bunch of stuff, and that's what I start kind of probing in because I know at that moment that's okay, there's some stuff here, that's why they're skipping right over this time period or these relationships. And sure enough, um, there's a lot of stuff there. So the if you're if your loved one is a person who seems very guarded and you know, quiet about their past, there might be a good reason for it because they're coping with whatever they went through. Um and you know, slowly revealing that in a therapeutic environment like with a therapist is key to that that change. So when you have a traumatic background, A, you're gonna probably minimize it. B, you're gonna want to dismiss it because you don't really like going back over it again. And C, it's the root of why you have an addiction. So if you're loved one, if you're seeing your loved one go through this and they had these disproportionate reactions or all this stuff, understand this is what they've been coping with, and that's how they got in. That's how they got to be an addict. If you are the addict, do not be fearful of the past. That's the you have to have the courage to like move forward through that time until you can allow yourself to feel things about it in a safe environment. That's this is what we call processing, and however it's manifesting. Um, so the work is based on that, and then differentiating between big T trauma and the little T trauma. Some things are big, some things are small, but you can't project your own ideas personally as to what you know. If the person experienced something, they say, This was very traumatic to me, that is a statement of truth. It was very traumatic to them. You listening to it, you may think, Well, that's not really that big of a deal, but to them it was. And so don't minimize that part of it because um that's that's where you have to do the the acceptance and the nurturing, right? So don't judge someone else's trauma, but at the same time, if you have trauma, don't judge your own trauma and determine that it's not a big deal. It's why it's best if you're like in these experiences where you listen to other people's reaction to it. This is the whole magic of getting into the recovery community because you can say things in the in the company of your peers about your life, and you do these little revealing things about it, and you tell people, and you're gonna see the reaction from the people that you're talking to, and it's important that you do that because you've been hugging the cactus the whole time, and that's just how you're trying to survive, just this horrible experience. But you've minimized all the stuff when you tell your story and you feel in a safe environment where people are accepting of you and that thing, the result is that you get to gauge the reaction that people have. In my life, I remember telling uh a story to somebody about my life that wasn't, it was just somebody that was a friend, and they didn't they didn't know this about me. And I said, Well, yeah, this happened when I was a kid, and they had this look on their face, like, are you really? And I was like, Well, yeah, it was not a big deal. And they're like, Wow, and they just couldn't let it go. Like they're like, Wow, that is terrible. How did they really did that? Your parents did that, you know. I was like, Well, yeah, I mean, but and to me, I'm thinking, but but I got over I got through it. It wasn't I got over it, it was I got through it, but I'm watching this person react, and it's so disproportionate to how I'm perceiving it. And then I realized, wow, you know, they're they're actually feeling something from my situation. They are I'm making them feel something about my situation by me telling them this, and I'm not feeling it myself, but I was. I just, you know, that's part of why my drinking was escalating so much. And and so like a little light bulb went off in my head, and I'm thinking, wow, you know, that's this is really bad. You know, but to me at the time, I just had to get through this. I had to get through it, and I did. And when you go through trauma and you don't get like in my case, I didn't get emotional support in any way from my parents on this horrific things, i it's like, what do you do with that? As a kid, what do you do with it? Well, you just kind of have to keep marching forward, and that's what I did, and that's what my clients do, like they just keep marching forward, um, because they have no control. So the the big T and the little T traumas, don't judge, don't don't assume just because you could get through that and you may have gotten through it, and kind of unscathed that they did as well because they possibly didn't. So trying to figure out ways to help people cope with trauma really depends on A the person that you're w you're talking to or experiencing, whether it's a friend or relative or even a stranger. And B so I'm doing the A B C's again. B that you be patient and understanding and and really kind of embrace that. But you know, there's so much about trauma, it's really interesting uh when you look at how things are uh happening around you and what you're experiencing versus what other people are experiencing. I had somebody tell me one time, you know, I went through this uh this situation, and it was a somebody somebody had died, and it was like I went through this and I'm okay now. And uh, you know, yeah, it was it I I acknowledge that it was a it was a hard situation, but I'm okay now. And I kept listening to the I'm okay now part. Well, they're in my office because their life has completely fallen apart because they started drinking, and they started drinking, and then they were acting very kind of recklessly around other people. And the I'm okay now. I'm like, Well, are you are you sure? And they were like, Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I I got I got over it. I was like, okay. So then I said I started having them like you know go through some re-experience of it. And I said, So tell me about it in detail. Tell me what you tell me what happened, tell me what's going on. Well, at the time. And they told me the story, and then they, you know, they started giving me some details, and I kept asking for more details because I realized they were kind of glossing over things. And the reason that they were glossing over things was because they were uncomfortable. And the more they talked about it, the more uncomfortable they started to appear. They started shifting around in the chair, and then there were these like long pauses, as I could tell, they were re-experiencing the reality of the emotion of the experience, and it was gone, it was sinking in. And I'm seeing them physically start fidgeting and being uncomfortable. And then I asked them the question after they went through this, and I got all the details from it, and I said, So how did you feel about it at the time? And oh, the tears came. It was like just the floodgates opened and the emotion was there. And I'm and in my head, I'm listening to their voice in my head saying, But I'm now I'm fine now. I'm fine. And I'm like, this is not fine. Now, when somebody is in that point and they're in that vulnerable state, I you know, my job as a therapist is to be supportive and guide them through and then know what to do with them clinically to help them actually reprocess this in a way that they actually can get to a better place with it. I'm not suggesting that uh you, you know, you talk to your family members or friends and get them into worked up into that condition. I'm just saying that the level of I I'm fine now may actually be like a dumpster fire underneath it. Um it's just the the coping that they were going through. This is how they were coping. And they were coping by saying it's fine, I'm fine, it's fine. It's that like that dumpster fire t-shirt. It's like I'm fine, it's fine, I'm fine. No, you're not. That's why you are uh using chemicals to to cope with this, and you're very destructive in your relationships. Maybe you're acting very promiscuously, or you're you're dismissive, or maybe you're violent, or maybe you're you know lashing out anger or fire getting fired from every job. That that's not fine. And so the truth about um the truth about trauma is that it's the impact it has on us. It's not the event, it's the impact. And that impact can be very long-lasting. And some people uh it can be for the rest of their lives, they're they're to some degree still feeling traumatized by the event. But my message to them is you know what, let's process through this, let's talk through this, let's give this a different framing for you. Because you know, like if you have a parent, let's say, that was abusive to you and they died a long time ago. Well, now they're reaching out over time and through through space to to continue to traumatize you because you're not willing to be able to face this because it's not safe. And so being in a um an environment with a professional can put you in a safe place and allow you to to reprocess that. And like Bessel Vanderkook's book about um uh the body keeps a score, you know, we hang on to it physically, we hang on to it emotionally, we hang on to it intellectually, and our brain is a very complex uh organ and it's able to conjure things up, memories and whatever. And so we have to work through these things, and working through them means that you're reprocessing the reality, and that's what recovery is about, and that's why when we're going through the 12 steps, we we try to dissect ourselves through like step four, uh, you know, our our um our searching moral inventory for character defects, or we're trying to pull ourselves apart a little bit so we can look at what's going on and be reality, right? The belt of truth on the full armor of God, the belt of truth um and the shield of of righteousness, be able to protect ourselves from what? From the truth. Well, you're carrying the truth around with you all with you all the time. And so when you're carrying that truth around, but you won't speak of it and you won't try to try to uh reprocess it, put it in, put it in a different light. Or as I say when I'm working with clients, we're gonna put we're gonna put responsibility where it belongs. You should not be carrying this around as a responsibility because this is not yours to carry. So we're gonna give you something else to do besides carry this around. And then some of this is also about the trauma and then the anger and the resentment and contempt that can destroy you in the process. So we're gonna lay it at his feet. We're gonna put it down. And so putting it down means you put it down, you don't go, you don't keep a hand on it just in case you want to bring it back up. It's you're gonna put you're gonna put it down, you're gonna lay it at his feet, you're gonna lay the anger down. So trauma is a huge uh contributor, and in my opinion, the primary contributor to people's addictions. So tackling that trauma is is vitally important to your recovery. So I hope that you you're going out there and and fearlessly and courageously confronting those traumas with a professional who can help you with that, because that's really where your sobriety is. That's where it that's where it's waiting for you. Well, I hope you enjoyed this edition of Doc Shock, your addiction lifeguard. I am Dr. Jacques DeBrucker, your addiction lifeguard, and I'm here to help you. If you need help, you can reach out to me. I'll guide you and direct you on where to get help or help you myself. Or counselor in your country. Especially if you have trouble with recovery. But whatever the kids may be, please go out there and get some help, man. It's crazy to think you're gonna save your addiction by ending your life. Don't do that. Go get the help. Go get it sane, stable, and sober. Do it for you, do it for your family, do it for your loved ones. But do it. So until next time, this is Doc Shock saying See you.