Intervention: Lifeline or Landmine?

In this episode of Doc Shock: Your Addiction Lifeguard, Doc pulls the curtain back on interventions—what they really are (a clinical tool), what they’re not (a TV-style ambush), and why timing and follow-through matter more than volume and panic. If you’re a family trying to help a loved one, you’ll get a clear, grounded roadmap for when an intervention can save a life—and when it can blow up trust if the system isn’t ready to hold the line.

Transcript

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It's time again for Doc Shock, your Addiction Lifeguard Podcast. I am Dr. Jockey Burkert, a psychologist, licensed professional counselor, and addiction specialist. If you are suffering from addiction, misery, trauma, whatever it is, I'm here to help. If you're in search of help to try to get your life back together, join me here at Doc Shock, Your Addiction Lifeguard, the Addiction Recovery Podcast. I wanted to be real clear about what this podcast is intended for. It is intended for entertainment and informational purposes, but not considered help. If you actually need real help and you're in need of help, please seek that out. If you're in dire need of help, you can go to your nearest emergency room or you can check into a rehab center or call a counselor like me and talk about your problems and work through them. But don't rely on a podcast to be that form of help. It's not. It's just a podcast. It's for entertainment and information only. So let's keep it in that light, alright? Have a good time, learn something, and then get the real help that you need from a professional. And so this is aimed at families, people who are contemplating helping an addict. You know, interventions are um misunderstood, I guess at best, they're misunderstood. Uh, and I think what I'm gonna I'm gonna talk to you today about experiences I've had with with people who have contacted me, who are looking for interventions, and the experiences I've had professionally, but I also wanted to kind of give you some groundwork for um what makes interventions uh a good idea and what makes them a bad idea, and the ideas behind intervention or the purposes for it perceived clinically and then also uh from the families that I've worked with. And also uh hopefully help you with some understanding of um some misperceptions about what interventions are about. And so I guess a good place to start is uh some core some core ideas about intervention. A core idea. Interventions, they aren't good or bad by design or default. The timing, the readiness, and the structure determine whether they save a life or a blow up a trust, and many times you're you're you're kind of skirting the line, you're walking a real fine line. So let's get into that. Um families are often pushed into panic-driven interventions. Now, I've I've talked with and worked with some interventionists, uh, in addition to myself, and many times I've seen examples of professional, slick program, uh, you know, kind of formulaic approaches to interventions. I've seen individuals show up, a nicely dressed woman who's, you know, come in with two guys who are kind of security guys to uh basically force the person into treatment. Um I've seen that example and heard about that. I also have the example of the um disarming uh man who shows up with compassion and love and he and he teaches the family, you know, hey, this is this is how we love this person into uh treatment. But families are often pushed into that panic-driven intervention, either internally or externally, so from within the family, or by somebody who poses themselves to be an interventionist. The the pop culture influence, oh my gosh, you know, it you'd think with as many people as there are probably that have suffered through addiction and and maybe gone through recovery that work in the entertainment industry, that they would get it right. But they always seem to get it wrong. Um, there are so few examples I've ever seen coming from the entertainment industry of people who are doing either interventions or they demonstrate uh what recovery or the treatment programs look like from everything from the step meetings all the way through mental health. The only example I've ever seen that portrayed addiction correctly was the movie Flight with Danzel Washington, and everybody knows about that who's been through a residential treatment program because they've probably shown that movie to the residents. But that's one of the few, um, just right off the top of my head. But that isn't even an intervention, that's an attempt at an intervention through industry standards and practices in the airline industry. Um, but you know, the pop culture versions of ambush and ultimatums and yelling, those cause harm when you're trying to get somebody into treatment. Uh many families intervene too early or too late or or for the wrong reason. And so let's get let's let's cover those topics, all right? So an intervention is not a conversation, it's a clinical tool, it's not an opening of old wounds, it's not a conversation or a dialogue or a uh an attempt to somehow dissuade somebody from something. It is a clinical tool. So you keep keep it in that mind, uh in that framework. Um this this is this is what an intervention is. It's a structured interruption of denial. If you think about it, the person who you're doing the intervention on, uh they're in denial. They are completely in denial. There's a lot of reasons why. Listen to my other podcasts, you'll understand that, but I'm not going to go into that for this conversation. But it is an interruption of denial. Um, it's a clarity-producing moment. It's a time for families to be clear with the addict and for the addict to understand, hopefully, in that moment, that there is something grievously wrong. Um it's also one where you're the family, the loved ones, are finally taking a stand. They're setting boundaries. It's a coordinated effort in that boundary reset. It's not just a single individual person doing it with the chief enabler undermining it all. It's everybody involved is now resetting the boundaries. And that's really for the family, that's kind of the first step for their intervention and their addiction to the addict and the addict's addiction, if that makes sense. Here's what it's not it's not a venting session, it's not a chance for you to let this person know how much damage they've done, and you finally get a chance to yell at them. It's not a moral reckoning, it's not a guarantee of sobriety. That last point, guarantee of sobriety. Many times, people who are addicts they present just utter chaos. I describe them as being the tornado that blows into town and does a lot of damage and then blows right out of town. That's what addiction is, causing damage all the time. So the person who uh contacts me um and wants to do an intervention, a lot of times they have this misconception. I'm gonna say about 95% of the time, they have this misconception that this is going to be sobriety. So they're gonna go into rehab, and then once they get out, they're gonna be sober, and they're just gonna start walking a sober line, and that is not what it is. And it's also not that moral reckoning, it's not a chance for you to um teach them morality. Uh, remember, addiction is not a moral failing, it is something else. Um, it's not a failure of willpower. And so those three things the the venting session, the guarantee of sobriety, the moral reckoning, those are the things that um a lot of times are kind of foundational to their understanding from the people that initially reach out to me. And my job is to teach them uh what what it really is, which is what I a lot of what I do is the preparation work. Um an intervention can be a very good thing, but there's a clear criteria that that families need to um need to listen for when they're talking to somebody who is uh uh an addict and trying to figure out like what's what's the criteria for an intervention. So here it is Medical or legal escalation. The time when I get the call for a uh an intervention with somebody is usually when there's complete panic going on. So um it's like it's a fire drill, and oh no, the building's gonna burn down. So the person that you're seeing is medically or legally escalating their issues. They went from they got they got stopped for a drunken public once or twice, and then they got a DUI, then they got another DUI. Maybe they've um maybe they've gotten to the point where they've they've uh domestic violence is kicked in, um, or medically, they've they've overdosed a number of times on an opiate drug uh and inadvertently getting a hold of fentanyl, or they drank themselves to the point where they got alcohol poisoning and they ended up in the hospital. Sometimes, and this happens more often with uh alcohol, the person will fall and they'll hit their head, and then they got a brain bleed. So traumatic brain injury is a real concern with alcohol. Um when you fall down and you don't have your hands to put out in front of you to try to protect yourself instinctively, you just black out and fall down. You're probably gonna hit your head, and it's probably gonna be very possibly fatal. Um denial is intact, but cracks are showing. So you you maybe they come to you, the person who's an addict comes to you and says, I know I have a problem. And you never heard that before. Um, maybe there's these moments of clarity in that uh that denial where you you they can see past it momentarily. Um, but but it it is still there. I mean, they'll we'll go right back to the denial part, but you can start to see, you'll start to hear them uh realize how bad it's gotten at times. It's not consistent. Um the family system has to be aligned and prepared to follow through. And and that's that's one of the issues that goes on is there's usually one or two primary enablers that are uh thinking that they can they can say the magic words to the person because they they raise them. Dad says, I'll go and talk to him. And or the daughter, you know, is approached by the the uh benevolent, loving grandmother who always was able to talk sense into her. Well, that's not how it works, but uh the the denial thing kicks in, and then that person is just wasting their time in that. But the family system, the whole family has to be aligned and prepared to follow through. So treatment treatment options have to be pre-arranged, and that's what goes on in intervention. The interventionist is the guide, the professional guide through this process. You don't do anything until there is a bed to go to. That's that's one of the primary things. Because if the person says yes, you have about an hour before they start to say no again. Um, interventions work best when they reveal reality, not when they force compliance. So when I do interventions, I am working very hard to get the person to see the outcome of their addiction in their family's faces and the words. So it's a very emotional thing. Um interventions are very emotional, lots of crying, lots of tears, um, sometimes there's yelling, sometimes, you know, but that's that's part of it. So uh here's here's the opposite of all of that. This is when it's a bad idea. When family members around the addict are emotionally dysregulated, they're all over the place. This one's hysterical, this one's mad, this one's silent, this one is retreating and depressed and and withdrawing from the family. Family members completely dysregulated emotionally. Boundaries aren't real or enforceable. So if if you have a chief enabler who keeps undermining, um I've had times when uh I've I've worked with families and I determined that uh mom, let's say uh the chief enabler, it's not a good idea if mom gets consulted with any of this or even is included in the intervention with the rest of the family because she will undermine every effort. And if that mother then gets wind of it because somebody cracks and tells her, she's gonna go right to the addict and say, you know, honey, they're gonna try to get you to go to rehab. I don't think it's a good idea. You need to stay away from them. And so the the uh the boundaries aren't aren't real in that instance, and they're not enforceable either. Um also the boundaries after the intervention, if nobody has pledged absolutely that they will with they will withhold funding or housing or help or or enabling, and they've not made that commitment, and I can tell when they haven't. Um if they're not making those commitments, then those boundaries aren't real or enforceable, so there's no point in doing it. So the goal is is control, not clarity. So there's no clarity in any of this, there's no understanding of why this person you know is doing what they're doing or anything, it's just control. Controlling the situation, controlling your emotions, controlling the boundaries so you can get this person kind of corralled into getting help. Um if if the addicted person is already in uh, let's say intensive outpatient programming, IOP, or they're in PHP and they're not doing necessarily well, at least in the eyes of the family, it's not a good idea to do an intervention because they're already getting help. It's just you know, getting that help and is it the level of help that they need, uh that's the thing you want to watch, not trying to do an intervention and tell them that whatever they're doing is not good enough. Because that's that's undermining their efforts and making them feel bad, and they'll probably run away and start using again. If if the family is uh divided, triangulated, that is a really bad one. Triangulation is really, really bad in an intervention. And I, as an interventionist, when I'm seeing uh that going on, I'm I immediately I'm like, this is not going to be helpful. We need to wait and figure out what to do. There's got to be a different way. So uh divided, this group thinks that the person is fine, or maybe they're addicts themselves and they are not supporting this uh controlling effort to get the person into treatment. That and the other side is. We have an issue there. Um and it's very complicated, and that's where a lot of times it ends up with me doing what I call a soft intervention, where I start perhaps to then shift and work with the addict and trying to move them towards recovery in a different way, which I guess in some way you could consider an intervention, but it's not what they were seeking, at least. Um an intervention without follow-through is not loving, it's confusing. It's confusing in so many different ways. It's confusing for the family, it's confusing for the addict. So an intervention that you don't follow through with, um, and and that's either getting them into treatment uh and or enabling the uh the behavior without the boundaries, that's that's not loving. That's that's confusing, it's confusing to the addict. Um, it just reinforces and makes it cements more the addiction in place, if you will. Um so there are some mistakes that people make when they're trying to do an intervention or they're thinking about doing an intervention. Here's here it is if you had to, there are three points here. Three really important ones. The inner thinking that the intervention creates motivation. I have said this over and over and over and over for 20 plus years. Nobody has ever walked into my office and said, I want to get clean or I want to get sober. Nobody. Nobody has ever done that. They come in and say, I need to, but they don't say I want to. And I'll even even if they come in and I say, Well, why are you here? And they say, I I need to get I need to get sober, I need to get clean, they're telling me as the clinician. And I say, Oh, okay. Do you really want to? And they always just look at me, and sometimes it's a very long pause, like they can't believe I just asked that question. And they look at me and they're like, No. I said, Okay, good, that's that's fine. That's that's normal. But if you're thinking that the intervention creates motivation, it doesn't. In reality, it creates information, and that's what rehab is about. See, so the the the intervention is kind of the very beginnings of the the rehab. The the reality is that the information that they're getting is that, hey, we love you, we care about you, but something's critically wrong, and you're emotionally damaging people around you. That's information. All right. Motivation still belongs to the addict. The motivation to do something happens when they realize they they're going to lose the thing that they didn't want to lose, or they're about to lose it. And then that creates the need. The need kicks in, they're willing to go. First two weeks, three weeks of rehab, they hate it, they hate the place, they hate the people, they hate the medications, they hate the food, they hate the environment. I mean, you they'll they'll pick it, man. They will pick something. And so the the um after the three weeks, they're gonna they're gonna kick in. But the motivation to get there, that happens slowly over time, and especially once they get out. That's when the motivation kicks in. So honesty over force is is a better way to do it when you're doing an intervention. So um sometimes when I get the family together, they they will sit there, and there might be I've had as many as 20 people sitting in a room with me who are friends and family. Um they the question that comes up initially is should we should we do an intervention? Is this something we should really do? And I I at that point um want them to understand, the family to understand, the loved ones, that there's something else going on here. They need to um prepare themselves. The family needs to prepare themselves to live differently if nothing changes. Are you prepared to live differently if nothing changes? Can you choose can you uphold those boundaries? And if you can't, then there's no reason to do an intervention because there's any number of chances that uh the odds are all over the place that the person will agree to go or not. And and if they if they don't agree, then you're gonna have to live differently as a family and as the loved ones. And that takes a lot of uh internal kind of fortitude, if you will. It takes a lot to get you to the point where you're just saying, okay, I'm not gonna give you any more money. Every time I give you money, things get worse or they stay the same, they don't ever get better. Are you able to just not give them money? Even though they're gonna scream and yell and and accuse you of abandoning them or whatever. Well, that means you're gonna have to live differently because you're gonna have to accept the fact that the person is really not been willing to go, they're not ready. Um, when I'm doing interventions for families, I tell them we have to be prepared for the worst, um, but we need to expect the best. And no matter what happens, as I tell them this, no matter what happens, we're not leaving this room until they agree to go. And so that point of agreement of going is the key. And i the the timing of it though is is not stated in that. It may happen now, it may not happen now, it may happen two weeks from now. I don't give up on people if they if they say they don't want to go. I also don't give up on people when they go. I follow up as an interventionist, and many interventionists do not do this. Their job is to get the person into rehab, but then that's pretty much it. I look at it a different way because I primarily spend my time doing therapy, and so I work with families and addicts. So my guarantee to them is that I will not abandon the family, nor will I abandon the addict. As long as people are willing to work with me, I will work with them, and that's part of the the um the cost of doing the intervention for them is that I will. Will be a resource for them. And if the addict uh wants to work with me after this, which most times they don't because I'm seen as the enemy, because I how dare I get them into rehab? That's how they kind of look at it, um, which is fine. But if they do want to get out and work with me, I will do that with them and and I will take them on as a client. Um, if they don't, that's fine too. I'll help them get to a therapist that will work for them. But you as the family, it's important that you get into therapy and you get the support you need. And that's where I work with the family. Um, because actually they are the ones who initially were my clients. So um I've worked with families that I've done interventions with for weeks, months after the intervention to try to help them understand how to deal with addiction in a different way. Sometimes it works out well for the family and the addict, and sometimes it doesn't. It's it's the reality and the unfortunate reality of addiction. So um sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. Sometimes the person needs to go to rehab a number of times before they get clean and sober. Sometimes it's it's once, and that's the only time they went to rehab, and then they stumbled and struggled for the next year or two or three trying to get clean and sober. Um interventions don't fail people. The systems fail people, and the systems are the ones that work or don't work for them. Rehabs are frankly, a dime a dozen. I mean, there are so many everywhere. Um there's good ones, there's bad ones, there's really intensive ones, there are some that are kind of loosey-goosey. I I've seen them all. Good, bad, and ugly. Um it's it just it is what it is. I mean, we get them there for hopefully 60 days, sometimes 45. Everybody goes in thinking it's going to be 28 or 30 days, but they end up staying usually for another two weeks, which is great because they needed that. Um but it's it's uh the system that fails people. I can't help you. There's no help for you, there's nothing you can do. Addiction is expensive, treatment is expensive. Addiction costs more than treatment, okay, in the long run. And the the sticker shock of treatment,$1,000 a day for a bed in a treatment center is typical because it uh it is a hospital bed. That is a typical cost. But if you think about it, the person's there, they've got clinicians, they've got food, they've got housing, they've got um experts on site, they've, you know, and it's got a psychiatrist, internal medicine doctor, somebody, it's got nurses, there they have pharmacies within the uh many times within the treatment centers. I mean, it's an expensive thing. It's like a hospital. Um treatment is expensive in the form of uh therapy. Um the rate I charge is less than probably somebody spent getting high that day, and I only see them once or twice a week. A psychiatrist is expensive, but what's somebody's life worth? You know, think about that. So the system of we don't care, we can't help, or we're just turning numbers, that's what fails people. Interventions don't fail people. Families don't need to be louder or tougher or smarter, they just need to be more capable and have strength given to them through support. The need for support and alignment and patience is what families have. That's what their need is. And that support, that alignment, that patience is the thing that will get that person into treatment. So I would encourage people who are thinking about doing an intervention that you get you absolutely get professional help. Don't think you can do this yourself. Don't think you can read a book about intervention and pull this off. This will be the first time you've ever done one. You maybe have seen it, but I'm telling you on the media, it is a distorted view of what it really is, and you're not gonna get a realistic picture. But uh the professional has done this over and over and over again. I've done it over and over and over again. And so I know what to expect. I know what they're going to do or not do. Families don't. And I run into probably I'm gonna I keep giving odds here, percentages. I 80% of the time, the you know, somebody in the family that's called me, somebody is an expert. Somebody thinks they have the answer. They know better. And they will try to push that onto the rest of the family. They might even have opinions about what I'm saying as a professional. I don't take that personally, but it is absurd for for an expert to be told by some amateur family member, hey, I know better because I know the person. It's just absurd. You got to get in uh family therapy, you gotta work as a family, and that's what I do when I meet with the uh people before I ever do an intervention, I will meet with the primary people that have reached out to me. I'll reach out to them first and have them meet with me in a family therapy session to try to figure out what is going on because I'm not gonna walk in blind, uh, it doesn't help. And um, for me to get a better sense of what the real needs are, um, because like I said, usually when the family's reaching out to me, it's a fire drill, it's chaos. And um, so it gives me a chance to kind of understand what's going on. And lastly, pay for an interventionist, pay for somebody that that knows what they're doing, check them out, talk to them. Um, what I can say is the the salesy, slicky boy approach. Uh, the person has a formulae kind of, you know, you could you get a sense that this you're talking to a salesperson. You do not want to use that person. I've met them, they're not effective, they they talk a good game, um, and they might get that person into treatment, possibly. True, but what what else are they going to do for you as a family? So vet them out. Maybe um ask other families when you go to meetings. Hey, does anybody know an interventionist who does work? Um, you know, but but hire somebody who knows what they're doing and has had experience with that a person like that, either the socioeconomic standing or the drug of choice is is very helpful. So don't just give up and don't think that it's a waste of time trying. It's not. You just got to get out there and try to give your loved one some help. Well, that's this episode of Doc Shock, Your Addiction Lifeguard. I hope you've enjoyed this uh podcast. Got some information for yourself and some helpful advice and direction on where to go, what to do when it comes to an intervention. If you are an addict and you need help, reach out to me. If you're a family that needs help in an intervention, hey, reach out to me, I can help you. I do interventions all over the country, and uh I enjoy doing them. Um I know I'm helping save somebody's lives, it's awesome. If if not me, then find somebody locally that you believe can help you. And if you're an addict that needs help, you're willing to do it without getting an intervention. Awesome. Don't do that. Go to rehab, go to meetings, do something. Until next time, this is Doc Shock. Say see ya.