Glitter in a Jar: Settling Parental Overwhelm with Karishma Motiram

Ever feel like your mind is a jar of shaken glitter, thoughts swirling chaotically as you juggle work deadlines and family responsibilities? You're not alone.

Mental fitness trainer Karishma Motiram reveals transformative approaches to parenting and work-life balance in this enlightening conversation. Drawing from her personal journey, Karishma shares how returning to work after her second child triggered unexpected confidence issues despite workplace support. "They were almost so nice that it made me doubt myself," she explains, highlighting the complex psychological terrain working parents navigate.

What makes this episode particularly valuable is the practical wisdom Karishma offers. She introduces the concept of mental fitness—strengthening your psychological muscles just as you would physical ones at the gym. Through simple exercises like focused sensory awareness for just ten seconds, parents can quiet the chaos of competing demands and make clearer decisions. Her distinction between priorities and focus revolutionizes how parents think about balancing responsibilities: "What you need to focus on doesn't mean that it's more important because you need to focus on it. It just means right now it needs your focus."

Perhaps most powerful is Karishma's perspective on perfectionism. "Imagine a child growing up with a perfect parent," she challenges listeners. "Do you actually want to put that pressure on your children?" This reframing helps parents see how their self-imposed standards affect their entire family system, creating permission for everyone to embrace their humanity.

Ready to strengthen your mental fitness? Try Karishma's free "Mindful Parenting Weekly" newsletter or her 15-minute self-guided coaching experience. These resources offer simple yet profound ways to reconnect with yourself beneath all your roles and responsibilities. Your journey to becoming a more centered, present parent starts with just ten seconds of awareness.

Karishma Motiram

https://thethoughtbox.co.uk/

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My new novel The Red Magus has recently been published in conjunction with the Unbound Press.  An entralling mystical adventure set across time and space, where past and current lives converge.  Find it on Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Karishma Motiram
• 5:55 Challenges of Returning to Work
• 8:52 Mental Fitness Training for Parents
• 11:41 Priority vs Focus: Finding Balance
• 17:11 Breaking the Perfection Cycle
• 20:50 Mindfulness Techniques for Mental Clarity
• 27:28 Free Resources and Final Thoughts

Transcript

Speaker 1: 2:30

So welcome everybody to another episode of Balm to the Soul. I'm your host, natasha Joy Price, and I'm a lawyer, I'm an author, I'm an energy therapist and, of course, I'm a podcaster. And today we have a lovely new guest joining us, and she is Karishma Motiram from the Thought Box. So welcome. Thank you so much for supporting the podcast.

Speaker 2: 2:53

Thank you for having me. I'm really excited to be here and keep talking to you, yeah.

Speaker 1: 2:58

So Karishma is a mental fitness trainer, a speaker and a working parent specialist and she helps parents to think differently. And this is a massive topic, isn't it? Because you know, obviously, there's a huge number of people that this is going massive topic, isn't it because, um, you know, obviously there's a huge number of people that this is going to resonate with. So tell me about your work and um, and how you got into it. Really, was it when you became a parent that you realized juggling everything is such a nightmare?

Speaker 2: 3:27

it. To be honest, I'd love to say it's when I first became a parent, but actually what happened was so I'm a mother of two and I have a almost 13 year old daughter now and an almost 10 year old son, and the first time around when I had my daughter, it was my return to work. Experience was fantastic Actually, it's what I wish for every parent returning to work after extended leave. But the second time around it was really different, with my son and I was in a new job, but it was actually my dream job. That was pretty much handed to me on a platter. It's things I love doing.

Speaker 2: 4:02

Changes I wanted to make in our industry and I was really excited about it. But very quickly I noticed my confidence take a big hit and it didn't happen the first time in the company definitely tried to be supportive. They were very much about you know, don't worry about this or that timing or this meeting, because we understand you have school pickup and they were almost so nice that it made me doubt myself. There's this element of, like you know, organizations and managers potentially overcompensating and it really made me look at myself and question myself in the workplace and that kind of rippled into my family life and how was I good enough mom, good enough, wife, friend all my roles and I had to actually leave in order to figure out what was going on, because I'm Canadian in England and everyone thinks I'm overly confident as it is. So it was really weird for me to feel this constant self-doubt.

Speaker 2: 5:02

So when I went away and I started reflecting, I got coached and I just learned stuff that I wish people had taught us, stuff that I wish people had taught us, and it was all about how well there are so many things we cannot control people, their responses, all of that.

Speaker 2: 5:18

There are so many things we can control, and it begins with how we're thinking about stuff. Now, had I known that, I would have potentially addressed the challenges differently, got myself out of the situation before it affected me and my family so much. Yeah, so many different things. And that's when I decided to go get certified and make sure that I'm sharing this with as many parents as possible, because that change in your role from just being whatever your role is in the workplace to then becoming a parent, to then becoming a working parent you go through a lot, and whether it's with your first child, your second child. There are so many things we can do to make it easier. Now, I can't say that we can magically make all the challenges go away I wish we could. But it's very much about how can we think in a way that makes it not feel so hard all the time yeah you feel beat down and like you have no more energy left.

Speaker 2: 6:17

What are we doing to refuel ourself? How can we think in a way that just lightens that load a little bit and that's decided like this is what I'm dedicating my life to and that's kind of how I got into it, because it changed my life. It changed my life and my experience as a parent completely.

Speaker 1: 6:33

Yeah Well, becoming a new parent changes your life anyway, doesn't it? But especially if you don't have as good an experience that you had because I know that a lot of people don't have such a good experience I expect you to jump back in and, just you know, hit the ground running, but you've got other things on your mind. You've got energy levels, haven't you? And that feeling of am I behind everybody now, or am I not doing the work as well as I should do? So it can be, really. I mean, I've got three kids and they're all grown, and I worked, went back to work with all of them quite quickly because, um, you had to, otherwise you sort of got left behind yeah, yeah, no, absolutely, and I think there's this big thing.

Speaker 2: 7:24

So with my return to work program that I do a lot of a lot of parents are like can I go back to how I used to be? And it's a really big concern and it breaks my heart every single time because I'm thinking don't try and go back to a historical version of yourself and just thinking about and reflecting on how much you have learned after becoming a parent, how many new skills you picked up, how many you've refined. We're actually so much more. You have grown so much. From the time you've become a parent to when you go back to work, whether it's one week, two weeks, two months, a year, whatever it is, there is a massive shift in you and it doesn't have to be negative.

Speaker 2: 8:07

It's appreciating the new skills you bring, how your team dynamic is going to change, appreciating the new skills you bring, how your team dynamic is going to change the empathy you could bring in the communication skills Because, let's be honest, communicating with an infant to a toddler, to a child, to a preteen, to a teen, you know firsthand like you're adapting constantly and these are things no one can teach you. So instead of pushing to go back to someone you're not and then feeling like this disconnect with who you are, I really like to encourage parents to embrace where they're becoming and just actually grow in that direction. Yeah, what's the skills you needed to be in that role? You may have to remind yourself or polish up on them, but they're there you know, and we forget that yeah, sure.

Speaker 1: 8:56

So talk to me. Um what sort of things do you, what sort of exercises or ideas reframing do you help people find that you know, turn these um anxieties around?

Speaker 2: 9:14

so I don't make sense. No, it does make sense, I think. To be honest, I don't have like a set um set of exercises that I do, because I think every single person is so unique and that same exercise may not work for one person that does for another. But there are certain things that I do with people which is really the most important thing is asking questions. You know, as a coach, you ask questions to help people look within. So everything I do is to help people turn off the external noise and turn up the volume internally, because I think a lot of the confusion and pressure and stress we feel is because we are so busy listening to the outside world, to people in the workplace, to social media, to what our family and friends think we should be doing. And while I think it's actually very helpful to learn about other people's experiences because you get to choose what works for you, maintaining that power to choose which one of those things you want to do is really important.

Speaker 2: 11:14

So really asking the right questions, doing a lot of mental fitness training, which is all about, you know you go to the gym and we work on our muscles, our physical muscles, to strengthen them. So mental fitness training is all about activating your mental muscles to be able to focus on yourself and not just be pulled into the noise around us. Some of the ways in which we do that are learning for each individual what's right, but it's some form of activating your senses, okay. So, for example, a really simple thing is if you take 10 seconds right now, whatever clothing you're wearing, or actually take one hand and if you very gently rub it against the palm of the other and you really feel just your palm and that sensation of the fingers rubbing on your palm. Doing that for 10 seconds and just focusing on that feeling just helps us turn off the noise around us.

Speaker 2: 12:16

That might work for one person, but really exploring what works for each person individually is one of the main things that we do, along with breaking the ideas that priorities it's actually a very big one and it's for most people this applies to. So really questioning when we are noticing, when we put pressure on ourself, thinking like I'm not making my family a priority or I'm not making work a priority, and I think creating this distinction with my clients about priority versus focus. So what you need to focus on doesn't mean that it's more important because you need to focus on it. It just means right now it needs your focus. So, helping your mind and body understand the difference between priority and focus yeah, changing for a lot of people.

Speaker 1: 13:05

Yeah, and just getting that balance, isn't it? Because you know we're having to balance working and home life, but getting a balance that you feel very comfortable with yeah, and knowing it's okay when, like you can't anyone who tries to balance.

Speaker 2: 13:21

If you're riding a bike, you're never perfectly straight.

Speaker 1: 13:24

You kind of like veer to left and right sometimes, and it's you need to be flexible in order to balance and I think that, yeah, and I like the idea when you were talking about questions that it always amazes me, because if you're, if you're feeling stressed out and anxious and I've been there many a time you forget to question yourself. You forget to sit down and say what is going on here. Why do I feel like that? What do I think is going to happen if I don't do A, B and C? You always forget that. Well, I forget it. I forget it.

Speaker 2: 14:01

And this is what I do day in and day out. Sometimes I'll be in like a mode and my husband will be like what would you say to a client? I'm like, oh yeah, but like what would you say to a client? I'm like, oh yeah, but like it's very natural because we're human right, you're human.

Speaker 2: 14:13

I'm human, despite doing it day in and day out. I find myself in moments of like complete fluster and I think, oh yeah, I think it's time to do some mental fitness exercises because actually I've allowed myself to get swept into noise and there's that moment where you're like, oh, I've done it again. But I think as humans we're never going to get it perfect. But noticing and recovering more quickly each time is kind of what I aim for with my clients, because I think it's unnatural to never be bothered, to never get things like I don't ever set that expectation for clients, but really having fun and be like, oh yeah, I did that again.

Speaker 2: 14:54

Yeah, laughing at yourself and enlightening it a bit. Yeah, absolutely I think parents don't let themselves be human. You know super mom, super dad t-shirts, Like it's a lot of pressure.

Speaker 1: 15:08

It is a lot of pressure and then also having to have a perfect house and you know and all the rest of it, and it's a lot of pressure. It is a lot of pressure and then also having to have a perfect house and you know and all the rest of it, and it's often unattainable, isn't?

Speaker 2: 15:17

it so it's unattainable and you kind of stop living. Then you're just kind of constantly trying to please this outside perspective almost and it's really sad.

Speaker 2: 15:29

Yeah, for me. I like to try and look at the ripple effect, and one thing we often talk about with in workshops or on one-to-one when talks is what is perfection, that pressure you put on yourself, what is the ripple effect on your family? Yeah, like imagine a child growing up with a perfect parent. Like, do you actually want to put that pressure on your, your children? And that's normally a question that helps a lot of parents take the pressure off themselves.

Speaker 1: 15:56

Yeah, because if we're perfect, they have to, they feel like they have to be perfect yeah, so you're creating, creating this anxious environment for the children, and they're going to pick that up, aren't they?

Speaker 2: 16:07

I don't think. I think in our need to be this perfect parent for them, we don't realize just like in my workplace, actually in their need to try and support me so well, it actually backfired and it's so unfortunate that we don't actually look at the knock on effect or we don't ask the questions.

Speaker 1: 16:28

Yeah, yeah, I think also people my age who have older children so I have daughters that are 31 and 25 and a son who is coming up to 22 and I look at them, sort of looking back, if you like, and they all have anxieties over certain things and I think there is a tendency for parents to go actually I didn't do a very good job because so-and-so's struggling now or they're anxious about this or that or the other, and actually I think there needs to be just pressure taken off parents because at some certain point they're an adult and they have to work these things out for themselves as well. So you sort of you go at some certain point, they're an adult and they have to work these things out for themselves as well.

Speaker 1: 17:13

So you sort of you go through a whole what's the word? It's just like a whole process, isn't it?

Speaker 2: 17:20

Yeah, absolutely, I think it's. I think no matter how much we try, how much I do, how much I'm noticing and questioning and all the there's always going to be something we don't get right because we are not perfect, and that's okay. We're all allowed to be on our own journeys. It helps for me personally, of course, like I'm talking about my own experience here and a lot of the people I work with actually taking the pressure off yourself can help take the pressure off your children as well, and when we think of it that way, when we think of taking the pressure off them, it's easier to take it off ourself. Yes, so we're actually lightening that load, and then they can choose what they want to put pressure on themselves.

Speaker 2: 18:01

Yeah, it's almost like giving two levels of permission for ourself and the next generation that you're allowed to be human.

Speaker 1: 18:11

Yeah, you're allowed to be human, yeah, you're. You know, yeah, and there's so much, so much help, especially you know, and, and what you're doing for people out there. There's, you know, it's, it's um. There's so many things that can relieve that. I was interested, though, when you were talking about just the noise, you know, and just being affected by noise. You get so lost in it and, just like you're saying, with the hand, exercise bringing yourself back into the now. I like that, because that's just really really gives you perhaps a better perspective on what's happening. Okay, I am lost here, because I know that sounds silly, but sometimes you can be lost and not even realize it. It's like not asking yourself questions, exactly, yeah, but by doing that, it's lovely, you get a bit more perspective.

Speaker 2: 19:07

Yeah, on things you if you imagine a jar and you imagine like I've put a bunch of glitter in it and you shake that jar and you see all the particles going around. That's how your mind is. When there is a lot of noise, there's all those whooshing around. Now, if you hold that jar steady I actually have one here, but we're not going to see it right now Steady all the particles will actually settle. Now those thoughts are still in your mind, but it's no longer like this tornado. Yeah, it's settled.

Speaker 2: 19:40

So when we're doing our mental fitness strengthening, when we are working our mental muscles out by focusing on some sort of sensory experience yeah, allowing the thoughts to settle, which is then clear, so that water is now clear, if you imagine it. So now we're going to make a more clear-headed decision. Yeah, now we're going to have the capacity to reflect. That is very hard to do if you imagine that bottle shaking with those particles going wild because, like I didn't do this, why don't I do that? I feel this, this has to be done. That's not done and unfortunately, that is the life of so many pairs, including mine. Yeah, yeah, I need to focus on the furthest sound I can hear for 10 seconds and I need all that to just calm down yes, and then you get a bit more clarity, don't you exactly?

Speaker 2: 20:29

a lot of people ask well, how do I know when I need to do that? Um, if you can build it into your routine, it's fantastic. Yes, all listeners. When you wake up in the morning and your feet first hit that ground, feel the temperature on your feet really just take a minute for that.

Speaker 2: 20:47

When you're brushing your teeth, feel the bristles on your gums, little things like that to start your day off with clarity. Yeah, man, during the day. I'd like to encourage people to notice that how they the physiological change they experience. So what if I ask you, natasha, what do you when you feel a bit overwhelmed? What happens to you is that your palms get sweaty, your heart feels racy, your shoulders get tight, like everyone's different.

Speaker 1: 21:13

I actually get quite an upset tummy and it happens instantaneously and that and it's actually my measure when it happens and I, I now know the feeling. I think, right, chill out now, because you're being told you've got to chill out. You know you're too stressed out now, yeah, yeah, but it is a physical thing.

Speaker 2: 21:38

The first thing is a physiological response, because our body is trying to prepare us for this like fight or flight response, because that's wired and I'd love to encourage you and like other listeners, to consider what happens to them physiologically and when that happens. You know, if you can go for a quick 10 minute walk, if you can go make yourself a cup of tea, feel that the temperature of the mug, take a deep breath in and out, feel the temperature of air going in and the temperature of the air when it comes out. You're going to notice a difference there. So little little things. When you notice a physiological change is probably your signal to just allow your mind a moment to slow down yeah, and that's quite a big thing in energy therapies as well, isn't it?

Speaker 1: 22:28

that your emotions and your physical body are so interconnected and, like you say, you know you're stressed out, you get a bodily reaction and you also hold your emotions in your body as well, don't you? Which will materialize symptoms and issues and all the rest of it. So it's just so important to be able to just have that reset and a way of just um coming back into the now, like you say, and and yeah, yeah, because think about it, what you just said, how like it comes into the body.

Speaker 2: 23:05

So we're talking about our mental stress creating an emotional response and a physiological response and that, or actually a physiological response that makes you then emotionally feel a certain way about it, which then affects you mentally, and they're all connected. Yeah, actually, when you stop and do like the, the mental fitness exercise, you allow yourself to kind of break that cycle yes, and that's part and parcel of what we're talking about the noise, isn't it?

Speaker 1: 23:40

you get stuck in that that's sort of vicious circle. Yes, yes, it's like being in a washing machine yeah, oh, my stomach's hurting.

Speaker 2: 23:47

Why is my stomach hurting so much? Okay, this pain. Okay, I can't function now. Pain okay, I can't function now. Oh, no, I can't function. This affects work okay, now I'm stressed about that and all we're doing is piling the stress on top of stress on top of stress. Yes, these exercises, like I said, they can't make the stress go away, but interrupt it, so you can make a choice about what you want to do to take some of that weight off or to create space to breathe a little bit in between.

Speaker 1: 24:14

Yeah, and then it gets more complicated. If you then medicate for those symptoms Exactly, you know that gets it more complicated then, doesn't it? So yeah, it's interesting, very interesting. So let's talk about first of all, you have a free. You can sign up for this, can sign up for a free weekly newsletter, can't they?

Speaker 2: 24:38

Yes, that's individual so anyone can sign up. It's called Mindful Parenting Weekly. It does apply to everyone, but my specialism is parents and some of the questions in there do ask about like how you would do things with your children. But generally it's applicable to everyone. It's one word once a week. For example, last week's word was kindness and if when you look at that word it resonates, there are three questions below it. They are coaching questions. They help you reflect. It comes out every Tuesday morning and that way you have you can like implement it throughout the week afterwards and it gives you a focus. So if that week I notice actually I'm not being very kind to myself or I'm not being kind to someone else, why am I not? What's going on? It just helps shape your week to be a little bit more positive. Yeah, if it's something that people are up for, it's basically free coaching. Yeah, if it's something that people are up for, it's basically free coaching and I.

Speaker 1: 25:33

It has made a big difference, even to me. Yeah, it makes you much more insightful about yourself and actually doing that sort of exercise Even if you don't think you have an issue or you've got anything going on that nearly always you get clarity on yourself a bit more, or you get realizations and you think, oh okay, you know that you always get something out of those exercises.

Speaker 2: 25:55

I think and the thing is they're not even for when something needs to be wrong. It's genuinely like for what you just said. It's for people who want to actually create a more positive weekly experience and who want to grow, who want to learn about how we are with themselves, especially with yourself, because how we treat ourself affects everything yeah, definitely, and you've also got um a quiz, haven't you, for new mums returning to work.

Speaker 2: 26:23

Yes, it's a little quiz people capture where they are in terms of just before you return to work. You can do the quiz and it will give you a percentage score how ready you are in different areas, with a little bit of guidance on what you can do.

Speaker 1: 26:37

Um, if you want to do anything, so that's on your, that's on your website, it's on my website brilliant, excellent. Well, I hope people go and sign up and have a go and um get some a bit of clarity on their own inner workings.

Speaker 2: 26:56

Thank you. No, I hope so too. There's actually also a free 15 minute coaching experience with me on there and it's a self paced exercise and it helps reconnect people to who they are. So a lot of us get lost in our roles as a parent, in the workplace, whatnot, and it helps kind of like it would help you reconnect with Natasha yeah, without the labels, without being a mom, without being a lawyer, without being just me, yeah it's only 15 minutes and it gives you a chance to reconnect with yourself.

Speaker 2: 27:26

So if you want a chance to reflect on who you actually are beneath all those roles and responsibilities, I'd encourage you to try that as well.

Speaker 1: 27:35

Excellent. Well, thank you, Krishna. It's been lovely to have you on the podcast. I've really enjoyed talking to you and I like the fact that you focus on parents, because I think I'm back to work mums, because that's actually challenging time for us all.

Speaker 2: 27:52

It really is. And the world is changing significantly and more and more pressure, more and more dual working households. So the pressure is on to balance everything for yeah.

Speaker 1: 28:03

Yeah, and to be perfect, in inverted commas, which we're never going to do. You don't want to be, you don't want to be. We want to be different. We want to be unique, don't we? We want to be ourselves. So, yeah, fabulous, it's been lovely talking to you. Thank you ever so much. You as well. Thank you so much for having me Now. It's been a pleasure. So if you've enjoyed listening to to this episode, please um share. You can always subscribe to the podcast and I will speak to you all soon.