How women are designed to lead a different way with Lani Gonzales

Leading like you’re meant to be “on” at the same level every day sounds disciplined, ambitious, even admirable. For a lot of women, it is also the fastest route to burnout. I’m joined by Lani Gonzales, a clinical hypnotherapist, former attorney, and subconscious performance expert, to name the uncomfortable truth out loud: women are not small men, and copying a masculine model of power can quietly disconnect us from joy, pleasure, and ourselves.

We dig into what Lani calls the difference between operating from force and operating from power, then get practical about what power actually draws on. We talk about emotions as information rather than a problem to suppress, the body as a data source you can lead with, and intuition as rapid pattern intelligence rather than something “woo”. Lani also explains interoception and why tuning into internal signals can support clearer, faster decisions, especially for high achievers navigating leadership pressure.

From there, we widen the lens to ethical leadership, compassion, and empathy in a workplace shaped by technology and AI, where treating people like machines simply does not hold up. We also explore Reiki and energy healing as a supportive foundation, while being honest about what creates lasting change: shifting subconscious patterns, healing old trauma responses, and changing behaviour, not just chasing a momentary reset.

If any of this hits home, listen, share it with a friend who needs it, and subscribe. After you’ve listened, leave a review and tell me: where do you feel the difference between force and real power in your own life?

Lani Gonzales

https://lanigonzales.com

Books - Rebirth of a Sage and Metanoia

Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):

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License code: ZTXJPK8BA5WMLKSF

My new novel The Red Magus has recently been published in conjunction with the Unbound Press.  An entralling mystical adventure set across time and space, where past and current lives converge.  Find it on Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

A call to action to help us keep spreading the spiritual ripple xx

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 2:30

Welcome everybody to another edition of Bell to the Show. I'm your host, Natasha Joy Praise, and I'm a lawyer, I'm an energy therapist, I'm an author, and of course, I'm a podcaster. And today we have a lovely new guest, and her name is Lonnie Gonzalez. So welcome, Lonnie. Thank you so much for coming with us. Yeah, thank you so much for having me. Oh, it's a pleasure. Now, let me introduce Lonnie because she is a clinical hypnotherapist, a former attorney, and subconscious performance expert. And she helps women and high achievers release limiting beliefs, heal trauma, and step into a mind-empowered life. Um, it's quite nice that we have that lawyer link there.

SPEAKER_01 3:22

Small little world. I've never met another uh like lawyer Reiki Master myself. So glad to meet one of my kind.

Why Women Burn Out At Work

SPEAKER_00 3:30

We are feeling far between. It's a it's a strange mix, but it's lovely to uh it's lovely to see that. Um so let's talk about one of the things looking at your website and and everything about you was um how you help women in leadership. So talk to us about women in leadership. Do you think that they lead in a different way? How do they lead women?

SPEAKER_01 3:56

Absolutely. So um I'm gonna say that it's not necessarily that women lead a different way, it's that the internal structure of how they lead and how they become successful is entirely different than how men are designed to work and lead. And there's a fundamental um premise for it all. Women are not small men. It's we don't have the same physiology, we're not conditioned the same way. So what tends to happen is a lot of women reach for success. They reach for power, but they are doing um what they're really truly doing is they're mimicking masculine power and masculine ways of trying to achieve success. For example, um, a lot of times when you see how men operate historically, it's dominance, it's control, who can have the most land, who can spread their bloodline. That's how historically power was achieved. And in those times historically, power was achieved by men. It wasn't that, you know, women were necessarily someone we hated, it's just they were the ones who were most visible. And when men were exerting their power, it's happened for so long historically that we all kind of assumed, oh, that's what power looks like. So then when women joined the arena and they decided that they wanted to reach success and they were actually given the opportunity to do so, we were never taught what a woman's power looks like. So what did she do? She simply mimicked what she saw, which was masculine expressions of power. So now in this era, we have hundreds of women who struggle with the same issue, is that they are burnt out, they're exhausted, they're tired, they're disconnected, they've done everything, but yet they're disconnected from their pleasure and their joy because they have been deprived of their power, and because of that, they're operating from force.

SPEAKER_00 6:01

Yeah. I think that's so true that a lot of um, especially in law, that a lot of female um leaders do mimic the way that men like you like you're talking about, dominance and control. Um yeah, I resonate with that definitely.

SPEAKER_01 6:19

Yeah, I can even give you a few examples. So for example, women and men, we are different creatures. There's no denying that and pretending that it's true. What tends to happen is we we forget the differences and the values of both by just casting that aside. But one fundamental difference about how women and men work, men tend to be more linear in nature. And what I mean by that is that they operate on a 24-hour hormonal cycle. Their hormonal cycle every single day looks very similar. That's not necessarily true for a woman. We are cyclical beings. There are moments and phases in our menstruation cycle where you are primed to perform and put your foot on the brake and or the gas and go all in. There are moments when you're physiologically primed for that. And then there are moments where physiologically you need rest, you need recovery. That's what your body is calling for. So, what we have now, when we are trying to reach for success and you read all the self-help books that say more discipline, you need more this, you need more that, you just need to remove variability from what you do and just do the same thing, repetition. We wake up at 5 a.m. every day, you just stay consistent. That works incredibly well. If you're a man and you operate on a linear cycle that is designed to show up the same way as you do Monday and Friday, January and July, women aren't designed to do that. So then when they try to be consistent and show up every day with the same energy and the same force and mental focus, and they can't, they think there's something wrong with them. They think they need more discipline, they're overriding their own body's internal signals. And when we override our own design, it's exhausting. And that's why we have women who are reaching for success and are completely exhausted.

Emotion Body And Intuition As Power

SPEAKER_00 8:17

Yeah. So what do you recommend women do if they if they hear you saying that? What do what do they do to change that so that they can go more with the, you know, the flow of who they are?

SPEAKER_01 8:31

Yes, I will say step one is recognizing what those feminine power sources and primary channels are. And from my experience working with women, there are three primary channels that they're um orient to. It's not the only ones, but these are the sources and channels of power that are natural to a lot of women that they don't use. And the first source of power is her emotion. And when I say emotion, um, the feelings that we have, they're not just like these volatile things that come in and out. Oh, I feel sad, angry, I don't know what to do with it. I'm just gonna suppress it because it makes you unprofessional. Um it's not the case. It is a source of information. And a lot of times we are taught to live from the neck up, meaning we rely on logic, we rely on what's rational. So you'll see a lot of women, they're overthinking things, they're stuck in analysis paralysis, they do what I call mental gymnastics because they're having trouble making decisions, and they're trying to figure out a clear action path forward using their neck up, their logical mind. That is a terrible way to make decisions. And the reason that is, is because most of what's in your mind isn't even yours. You are conditioned most often between the ages of zero and seven. You are adopting the values, beliefs, fears, limitations of the people around you between the ages of zero and seven. And then as you grow up, you are you are programmed by the conditioning of your culture. So when you're trying to use your logical mind, half that stuff isn't even yours. It's just programming. So we're using that as the only source of how to make decisions, how to move forward. But your emotions are information too. It actually works faster than your logical mind. Your brain, the amygdala, is the emotional center of your brain. It processes information faster than the logical part of your brain, the pre-frontal cortex. So when we pretend like our emotions don't happen, we suppress our feelings. You're not becoming more controlled, you're becoming less informed. And the other source of power that we have is our body itself. And that works in two ways. Number one, the body, similar to your emotions, is a source of information. We know that there are neural pathways like your vagus nerve that transmit information from brain to body. And the majority of those neural pathways, or excuse me, those nerve pathways, they're afferent. So over 80 to 90 percent of those nerves that go from body to brain that are talking are afferent, meaning they move from body to brain. So 80 to 90 percent of the nerves are designed for your body to talk to your brain. So it's not that the brain is the one who's constantly running the show. It's the opposite. More information is from the body to the brain than the brain to the body, but yet you ignore it. When your body signals tired, when your body signals, oh, this person gives me a bad feeling in my stomach, but then you ignore it. Your body is constantly trying to inform you, and usually is the first signal before your logical mind makes sense of things. And finally, we have your intuition. A lot of times people go, oh, I can't trust my intuition. That's woo-woo, that's very mystical. Um, it's not logical, it's not reasonable. But what your intuition is, is rapid pattern intelligence, meaning you have this awareness of all of these patterns around you subconsciously, and you're able to pick up and detect those patterns before your logical mind finds evidence and can make sense of the world. So, you know, you meet someone and you go, oh, something about them just doesn't sit right with me. I can't put my finger on it. And you end up being right, even though you didn't get logical evidence. It's that subconsciously your mind is picking up thousands of data peak points and patterning them together and giving you information. But when we deprive ourselves of that again, we are becoming less informed. So now women are entering these arenas of this workspace and they're trying to make good decisions, they're trying to figure out the best way to lead and feel more like themselves, and they can't because they are blocking their primary sources and channels of power and just mimicking masculine force.

SPEAKER_00 13:21

Yeah. I love that. I love that you we need to tap into our intuition. I think that's so so important. Like you say, you meet somebody and you know something's not quite right, but you then you end up getting involved with them in some way. And like you say, you're always proven right, aren't you, in the end? But we ignore it because we just want to I think we just want life to be easier. We just want to we don't want to, you know, that per you know, we think that's a good idea to get involved with them, but our bodies and our intuition are saying no, but we don't um we really override a lot of those signals. Definitely.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

Absolutely. So it's a matter of working with your design because the body is infinitely masterful. How we're created, how we work, how we think, it is all by infinite, beautiful design. And women, we're taught to go against our design and to work with his instead.

SPEAKER_00 14:21

Yeah. I love that, Lani. And you've got a book coming out about it, haven't you? Tell us about it. Um, so what's it gonna be called?

SPEAKER_01 14:32

Yeah, so it is a work in progress, and the ultimate title hasn't been decided at this time, but it is exactly about what I'm talking about is how there is a difference between operating from power and operating from force. And women are conditioned to operate from force because of how we simply define power and the models of success that we were taught and what to do about it and how to really reclaim those. So I have a program that really helps women go through that process. Um, and um, that's really what the book is about. So it's a work in progress, but um it will be out.

Compassionate Leadership In The AI Age

SPEAKER_00 15:11

Yeah, uh I've heard a lot about also about ethical, it's been termed ethical leadership um of late. And it's really about showing kindness as well, being being kind, uh promoting that within your business, within your is that also something that you think is important? Is that something that comes up for um women leaders as well?

Reiki Interoception And Real Change

SPEAKER_01 15:37

I would say that comes up for men and women leaders. There's a different way to lead, especially as different generations are showing up in the workforce with completely different values. So we're also moving into an age before we were uh, you know, a lot of the nine to five started with the industrial revolution, which was machines, and people operated very much like machines. And we transfer now to an age of technology and an age of AI, and really values are shifting altogether, and it's not gonna cut it to treat people as though they are just machines. So, absolutely having a human component and a human touch to it is incredibly important, and that human touch necessarily requires a certain level of compassion, a certain level of empathy as well in how we lead. Yeah, lovely.

SPEAKER_00 17:23

So let's talk about um you Reiki, because you are a Reiki master, aren't you? Yes, and I am a Reiki master, and for me, Reiki set me off on my spiritual path, but it very much I feel creates this amazing foundation for people who uh get a change to Reiki. It sort of almost sets that, uh, centers and balances people and then they build from there. Do you think that's that's uh is that something that you found?

SPEAKER_01 17:57

Absolutely, and I think Reiki is helpful for all people. And when we go to Reiki, when we're talking about Reiki, we're talking about energy work, it's tapping into energies um greater than yourself, channeling those energies, and even tapping into our own energies. Um, and it is very similar, and that's kind of what I found working, you know, with other people around the world, shamans, gurus, healers. We may have different terms for it. We may have different modalities, but at its very core, it's being aware of the energy within yourself and others and higher energies as well. And I think it even ties into what I was referring to as a source of power, um, in that you just become more aware of what is going on internally and are able to balance that and even control it to a certain extent. So um, I like to demystify a lot of things that we do. Um, and a lot of what I'm talking about, including Reiki, is something called interoception. Um, and interoception is something that we study about the ability to process the internal workings of what's going on in our body. And our body's not just a physical being, it's an energetic being. And they do have research that suggests that people who are engaged in interoception are better at making decisions. They're faster and they're more accurate decisions. So even in the context of leadership and success, Reiki and other forms of energy work, whether you pick Reiki or anything else, really helps you tap into your energy and engage in a stronger level of interoception.

SPEAKER_00 19:36

Yeah, I love that. And to do the work, in other words. Yes. And so do you think Reiki um really played a part in your spiritual development?

Why Energy Healing Scares People

SPEAKER_01 19:49

Yeah, I definitely think that it was a starting point. And the reason that I say that is what we really do with Reiki is we can tap into our own energy. We learn to balance energy and do that for other people. I will say this though, in terms of true life transformation for people who want to break their old patterns and live a different way, for people who want to transform their lives, it's a good starting point. Because what transformation truly takes, which is why I'm a hypnotherapist, is changing and shifting subconscious patterns, taking different forms of action, right? So the radical honest truth is this I was a Reiki, I am a Reiki master. And when I first started my practice, I was offering Reiki as a separate um service. And I realized it ain't gonna cut it. Because what tends to happen is imagine a person and they're filthy and they go and take a shower, now they're clean, and then they just jump back outside and jump back into a puddle of mud, now they're dirty. What was the point of showering? And I feel like a lot of the times, at least in my experience, when I was dealing with people who just wanted to do Reiki and energy work, they felt good, they felt balanced. But if you keep engaging in the same thought patterns, the same belief systems, and the same behaviors, you're just gonna end up with the same imbalance. So um, I will say Reiki was a good starting point. But what I like to do with people is true radical transformation. And that does not happen with energy work alone. It is certainly something that can be utilized, but on its own, it it's insufficient.

SPEAKER_00 21:31

Yeah, I absolutely agree with you. I went on to do hypnotherapy as well and past life regression therapy, and I think you need that as well to to really clean and clear. So, yes. Do you do you find that some people are quite frightened about the term energy healing?

Ancient Traditions In Modern Practice

SPEAKER_01 21:51

I would think so. Um, I think people are becoming more awake, so there is a certain population that um has naturally welcomed it. Um and there are some people who think that it's woo-woo and there's mysticism or it's anti-Christian. Um, and I give an example of that is you can actually go online and find a Bible that is searchable by um electronic means, and you can search the um you can search where people have actually used Reiki, they just didn't use the word Reiki, right? So they had a different word, the laying of hands. And they basically had people joined together and they had the laying of hands on people. Um, and they were able to heal people in that way in the Bible. And even though it's not described as Reiki, the way it's described is essentially energy work. So um I think one of the issues and the reasons people are afraid of it, number one, we have to look at whose fault that is. And um, if you are an energy worker or a healer, you are also to blame for this. And the reason I say that is you have to be able to speak the language and vocabulary of your clients. And what tends to happen from what I've seen in the spiritual community is they create their own language and jargon and they stick with it. And when we do that, it's incredibly isolating. I'm gonna give you an example. I am a lawyer by training, and a lot of lawyer terms are based in Latin. And if I came to you using these Latin terms and saying those things, I'm not relatable to you and you don't truly understand me, and you may have a perception of me because of me using my jargon and my language and my legal terms. And I'm talking about how I'm this is pro hoc and pro se. Um, and I'm using all of these different words. It's incredibly limiting and isolating to people who are not lawyers. Now we translate that into the spiritual community. It's incredibly limiting when you use your language, and in fact, as a business strategy, it's a terrible marketing strategy. So we have to be able to speak the language of other people. For example, let's say we speak English and we go, I don't understand why the world doesn't understand me. It's like, well, not everybody in the world speaks English. So if you only want to work with people who speak English, phenomenal. You cannot judge people who are only Spanish speakers for not wanting to work with you because you don't speak their language. The same is true with energy work. Even though I did energy work and still do to some capacity, I've taught energy work and corporate settings because I never used the word reiki once. You can use your skills and modality and still speak the language of somebody else. So um why people are afraid of energy work? Number one, it comes down to practitioners and how spiritual people are even describing energy work. If you talk about it in ambiguous jargon, quantum healing. Oh, I just did a quantum shift today, and I was really working with my ancestors in my past life. That's incredibly limiting to someone who does not have that vocabulary. But you can say those things in a way that they'll understand, just like I can explain legal jargon in a way that someone who's never been to law school can understand. So I think a lot of why. People are afraid of it is because improper communication.

SPEAKER_00 25:27

Yeah, I love that you say that. That's absolutely true. I completely resonate with that. You you have to bring it back to a way that they will understand, and I I think you're spot on with that. So um, so let's just also talk about how you weave in um ancient traditions as well into your work, which I absolutely love. I do um a lot of work with trees and um the Celts, you know, Celts' um understanding of trees and frequencies and uh I find fascinating. So I would it was really interesting to me to see how you you know use ancient traditions. So um how do you incorporate that into your work?

Daily Self Talk For Clear Decisions

SPEAKER_01 26:17

Absolutely. So when we talk about ancient traditions, sometimes when I do work with populations that are more what I'm gonna call spiritually inclined, absolutely we go back to those certain types of roots, whether it's drumming, for example, because that naturally mimics a heartbeat. And as humans, that is something that's incredibly comforting to us, right? So it's all about going back to our original design. And what I noticed from a lot of ancient traditions is that they got some things right. So why do we need to necessarily throw it out? And it's a combination, it's not this or that, it's not new age tradition versus things that were done in ancient times. It's can we adopt both? What do we have from this day and age? What can we adopt from the past? And how do we weave it all together? And I'll give you an example. Um, a lot of work is that I do is internal family systems, which is something that is a modern day um way of dealing with internal conflict and patterns that keep us stuck. And it's about talking to these different parts of us. Well, what happens when those parts of us can't figure out the answer, even though you are using internal family systems, which is something that works really well. Well, what did a lot of ancient traditions do? They called on things outside of themselves that they were connected to, whether it is a higher power, whether whether it's something in nature. So I will say I think there are things that ancient cultures and traditions have gotten right. Um, and it's about being able to weave them and incorporate them into what we do today.

SPEAKER_00 27:59

Yeah, I love that. I love that you and uh you're absolutely right. It always fascinates me that they sort of had, well, they did have knowledge that we seem to have lost, but are now, you know, coming back to. Um but it was like you know, we we it's like a remembering, but more than that in a way. It's it's a structure there already that we have we don't seem to be aware of all the time. Does that make sense? It does make sense, yes. Um yeah, fabulous. Okay, so one last question, Larny. Um what do you do every what do you do every day to help yourself? I usually say spiritual thing, but anything really that helps you stay centered and balanced and and just on track with your life.

Closing And How To Support

SPEAKER_01 28:59

Oh, I talk to myself. Um and they say some of the most successful people, you notice that they engage in a certain level of self-talk. And the reason that's important is two things. Number one, there's metacognition, and that is the ability to be aware of your own thoughts. For example, there is the book Um Untethered Soul by Michael Singer, and he's also written about his own journey, the surrender experiment. And he says that he was able to notice his likes and dislikes and disregard them. And he was able to hear an internal voice that was guiding him. And if he had built his life and decisions about his likes and dislikes, he would not be as successful as he is today. And what he's describing is something that we call metacognition. We see our likes, our dislikes, we see what's going on, our worries, our fears, our struggles. They don't drive. I am the observer of those things and I make the decisions. So I am in constant communication with myself, with those internal signals that I'm receiving in order to move forward. Um, so I think that's something that I engage in every single day is that metacognition and also interoception. It's almost like a muscle. The more you do it, the stronger it becomes. There is no getting around doing the reps. Um, I've been asked this for people who are like, oh, how do you channel? How do you tap into intuition? And I say, everyone can do it. The difference is I believe I can and you don't think you can, and you're you're relinquishing your power to me because you think that I somehow am a better channel than you are. And secondly, repetition. I just do it all the time. So by engaging in metacognition, being aware of your thoughts, and being the decider of how you choose to lead, also interoception, being aware of all of the signals in my body, because again, neck up and kind of do it. You got a lot going on here, engaging in the ability to interpret, honor all of those signals to make the best informed decision. Um, that is something that has kept me incredibly grounded and that has helped me move forward because life can be incredibly confusing and challenging. And you might reach these places where you don't know how to move forward, but you are constantly being informed by more than just your brain. So I would say those are two practices that I engage in every day on a regular basis as though they're my natural way of being, is just metacognition and interception.

SPEAKER_00 31:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:35

I love that.

SPEAKER_00 31:36

I talk to myself in the car, but I find it it really helpful. Like you say, you sort of you you get your thoughts uh you I was gonna say in line, basically. You sort of you talk to your talk to yourself, and I often try and explain some something to somebody, and in that way I come to a conclusion. So if I have a an issue, I might say pretend I'm talking to you and explain it. And and usually that that sorts the issue out. So yeah, I get that. That's a really interesting one. Thank you, Lonnie. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast. It's been a pleasure to listen to you and you explain things so well, which is lovely. Yeah, so I will set all your details below the um episode, and of course, um I was gonna say I'll put your book, but not yet because you haven't got a name yet. But but not yet.

SPEAKER_01 32:37

I have other books out there, um, and you're welcome. They're on Amazon, they're also on my website as well. So I have two other books. Book number three is on its way.

SPEAKER_00 32:46

Wow. Okay, well, we'll put those books up for people as well. So thank you so much for um coming onto the podcast. It's been a pleasure. Okay, thank you for having me. It's been a pleasure. So um, if you've enjoyed listening to um Larning and I have a chat, then please like and share. And you can also support the podcast and you can subscribe to the podcast. So um I will speak to you all soon.