5 Mental Tools to Handle the Stress of the Holidays- Dr. Dana Sinclair

The Crackin' Backs podcast is thrilled to welcome back Dr. Dana Sinclair, a distinguished sports psychologist renowned for her expertise in high-pressure performance and emotional management. Dr. Sinclair's diverse professional experience includes working with top athletes and teams across major sports leagues like the NFL, MLB, NBA, WNBA, NHL, MLS, IndyCar, WTA, PGA, and the Olympics, as well as consulting for various business organizations​​​​​​​​​​.

In this special episode, Dr. Sinclair will delve into the timely topic of holiday stress, offering valuable insights drawn from the realm of sports psychology. Listeners can expect to learn effective strategies for managing the unique challenges of the holiday season, including juggling personal well-being amidst the demands of festive commitments, akin to how athletes balance intense training with their personal lives.

Highlighting the importance of teamwork in sports, Dr. Sinclair will also shed light on how families and friends can apply these principles to foster cooperation and minimize conflict during holiday gatherings. Additionally, she will address how to navigate complex emotions like depression, anxiety, envy, and despair, often heightened during the holidays due to factors like financial pressures, time constraints, and the loss of loved ones, especially in the current global context of inflation and pandemic aftermath.

Furthermore, the episode will cover strategies to manage stress and promote mental health during a season often marked by excess and overcommitment. Dr. Sinclair will also offer advice on maintaining a healthy balance in lifestyle factors such as diet and physical activity amidst the season's indulgences and hectic schedules.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone looking to transform their holiday experience from stressful to joyful and harmonious, using the proven techniques of sports psychology. Tune in to the Crackin' Backs podcast for these insightful and practical tips from Dr. Dana Sinclair.

We are two sports chiropractors, seeking knowledge from some of the best resources in the world of health. From our perspective, health is more than just “Crackin Backs” but a deep dive into physical, mental, and nutritional well-being philosophies.

Join us as we talk to some of the greatest minds and discover some of the most incredible gems you can use to maintain a higher level of health. Crackin Backs Podcast

Transcript

Dr. Terry Weyman: 0:01

All right, doc, it's so good to have you back. And we want to talk about something that is, unfortunately, well, fortunately, it's on everybody's mind. And when I was trying to think of somebody who would be really good at talking about holiday stress, you're like one of our favorite. Psychologists, sports psychologists, and we had so much fun last time, you're like, it was like a no brainer, we just always, and I'm so grateful you took up on my invitation to come back with you guys. All right, so let's just kick right into this. You know, with all the stuff that's going on all the stuff that's going on the news, specially even though last couple of months, I mean, it just seems like the holidays come. And the news bombards us with bad news or this or that, whether it's a pandemic, or whatever, and it just, it seems like they promote bad news is of good news. And so what are some principles, because sports are very similar to life, right. So it's the principles of sports psychology that can be applied to manage our holiday,

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 1:09

she talks about all this, because the work that I do with my clients, and my clients are not only professional athletes, they're surgeons, they're actors, they are students, it's anybody in everybody who either wants to be a little bit better or thinks they can be. So the process that I go with, it's applicable to everything. It's not just a particular performance, because we all have to perform, we all have to perform at Christmas time to with our families, getting things done at work. So it is all in the same bucket. And I have to say to that, when you have to I mean, I'll talk about it's performing, whatever it is your job or inter personally cetera. I do think that one of the most sort of under represented or underused ways to deal with stress or feel good about yourself is to pay attention to how you're performing. Whether it's with your family, or getting the Christmas list done, or getting your holiday, you know, cards out all of those things. It's all about keeping your tension down and doing a bit of pre planning. And that's what athletes do. That's a business executives do. It's what we should do in our own houses, too.

Dr. Spencer Baron: 2:33

So let me ask you about this, like a strategy. I mean, I was like a kind of a step by step wise fashion of how juggling some of these things. You got any suggestions there? For sure.

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 2:47

Why don't I tell you about sort of how to how to do it in whatever zone we're talking about? There is a process that, you know, over the years, I've kind of figured out with all the clients that I've dealt with, and it's three steps for skills. That's it. So first step, yeah. Okay, step wise, got to make it easy. And keep it simple, right. Otherwise, who wants to do it? Yeah, not me. So first thing is you have to figure out what stresses you Why is your tension up. Because when we're not performing well, or doing a good job, it's usually our attentions up and our head is full of clutter, right? And we got to figure out what are those? What are those hotspots? What are the things that distract us derail us get in the way, and that could be a list of 20 things. So expectations, results, I don't want to make a mistake, I don't want people to think I'm a jerk, you know, we can think of a whole bunch of things that might distract us from from what we're trying to get done, or how we're trying to behave, right or keeping our composure. So if we get caught up in all of those things, we're no longer able to focus on making things happen. So I think figuring out what your hotspots are. Maybe it's Aunt Judy, at the holiday party that's really going to bother you. So you better think about how you're going to manage that. Because if you just let it get to you, you're going to react and there's going to be a problem. So you've got to kind of you know, decide on how you're going to behave. So once you figure out what your hotspots are. Then there are four skills that can help. Top one doing that breathing stuff for anybody anywhere. That's the number one skill that I love the most. And if there's one thing you're going to do is learn how to slow down, settle, breathe. Then you got to figure out what you're supposed to stay focused on. You know, if you've got your priority list or what you have to do to make something happen, you got to pick out one or two things that you've just got to do. You can't just let it all happen. And leave it to chance you've got to kind of just aside, then you've got some self talking their new part of self talk is, you want to go over what your accomplishments are, you should have a little list, list somewhere tucked in your pocket somewhere about things that you've done well, or what you're good at, or what you feel good about yourself. But just to go to that, so that your if your honor those things, and you realize no, you know what, I'm actually not so bad, I'm actually pretty good, I can do this, I'm a nice person, I get these things done, I've done well, I have good friends. Whatever those things are on your list, I won this trophy I did that your head is no longer in that hotspot zone in that cluttered zone. So what we're trying to do is get the skills to shift you out of all the junk that we create for ourselves, in our minds when we're getting negative and worried. So the self talks important, and then practicing how you want to behave in the situations that you know are going to cause you trouble. And again, I'm only talking about situations or hotspots where it's important to figure out in advance, most of the time we do off, we're doing fine, you know, don't bother me, it's picking out the situations oops, I can be a bit of a fireball here, or this could go wrong here, or I hate when that happens. I plan for those two or three situations and give it a go. That's the Boxtop summary of the process.

Dr. Spencer Baron: 6:27

When you say breathing, because when you I mean, obviously, that's your first line of defense, so to speak. Absolutely. Are you suggesting any particular type of breathing or just sure, you know,

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 6:44

for sure. You know what the biggest thing is slow it down. So there's all sorts of different ideas and philosophies and activities. What I'm talking about, because of the zone I come from, is you have to make it happen fast, you don't have a week where you could, but I'm talking about in the moment, you got to get a hold of your behavior and your thinking in the moment. So it's about you need that like in two breaths in one breath, and five breaths and five seconds, you've got to be able to settle, and you got to be able to slow it down. So people talk about deep breathing all the time. I don't really like that, because I like the slow stuff. Because if you slow it down, your emotions follow suit. If you're angry, your breathing is going to be rapid, and shallow and your shoulders going to be up and you're going to have 18 thoughts in your head. If you are calm and relaxed, your breathing follows suit. So hit the breathing, to control the mood, so that you can stay composed. So slow, exhale, fully, people always think about taking a big in breath, it just kind of makes you dizzy and messes up the balance between oxygen and carbon dioxide, right. So exhale, as much as you can, then let the inhale happen. But I think the trick too, is in through your nose, out through your nose. And if it's going to come out through your mouth through a straw. Because guess what? Automatically slows you down? Where does your tension go? It drops? Oh, I can think.

Dr. Spencer Baron: 8:18

Okay, that's good. That's good. So, so, you know, families are getting together or not, but you know, usually that's when all the big all the action happens. And not always so positive. Or you would you suggest, you know, you know, what you urge a team to do is create a framework or a togetherness, or, you know, a way to get along in the sandbox, so to speak. What would you suggest when families get together? And you know, you're gonna experience some drama? Good question.

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 8:58

I put it all down to we all have to look at ourselves. It's all about the individual delivery of your performance. People like to blame other people. She said that he did. This is not my fault. All of those things, well, could be true, fair enough. But if you really do want to affect your behavior and change and feel good about what you do, you've got to look at yourself. So even when I go into I went into a a tech company very recently, and it was they wanted to talk about teamwork. But really, the best teams are good because the individuals take care of their own performance. They know what they're good at. They take the time to figure out oh, that's not so good. I better fix that. So when they fix their own part, they're a much better part of the team because if it's good for them, they're doing a good job. That's great. And it's also really good for the team. So So I, whether it's a team, like a sports team or going to dinner with people you're not sure about, you got to turn it on to yourself and make sure you handle yourself. All individual. Great. Do you guys agree with that? Or what do you think in your zones?

Dr. Spencer Baron: 10:18

Oh, yeah. without, without, without a doubt. I mean, you're responsible for your mood, you know, and your attitude. And, you know, I mean, it boils down to the, you know, the basic not to sound redundant or anything, but, you know, people say things, and you and we react instead of act, you know, and it's, it's only our interpretation of what they're saying, which may not be what they intended. And, you know, you know, so it's really, you know, within you to manage those stresses. And

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 10:57

it's really hard to do, if you don't think about it ahead of time, because we all have our default behaviors, and we all do what comes naturally, and then we think, oops, maybe I should have done that. So, but you can change, you can change it, you can change it for a situation, or, you know, an hour, you don't have to change your personality, we're not talking about that. That's not going to happen, right? So change how you want to behave in that situation, and you're going to come out and feel a lot better about it. It's a good way to nourish your mental health.

Unknown: 11:29

Yeah, yeah.

Dr. Terry Weyman: 11:33

I like I like your approach to because it's always better to be proactive than reactive. But I haven't really thought about if you're getting ready to go to a family dinner, whether they have a plan going into it, you know, because so many people just go, and then you're like you guys just saying a spark hits and reaction reaction reaction. So it's nice to

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 11:53

Oh, you're looking for that spark, because it happened last time, and you're still mad at that person. Again, wait till they say this, I'm going to really, you know, take them on. And okay, if you want to do that, okay, fine. But if you don't want to get caught out, you better think about it. And even you know, daydream, see in your head, practice how you want to respond to them, you know, if they say something to you, what are you going to do? How are you going to behave? And I'm not saying don't go after them, I'm just a read on what you're doing.

Dr. Terry Weyman: 12:25

I read something the other day that, you know, all our thoughts are just stories and and our buyer doesn't really know the difference between fact and fiction. So, you know, it's, it does whatever we tell it to do. And, and sometimes it's just

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 12:39

because first of all, when you that story, boom, what happens, the tension goes up, right? And then when the tension that where's our head boom, in that hotspot zone, no longer on, you know, calm and focused on what I'm trying to do here. So it's, it's really learning how to shift when you drift. That's basically a shift for you gotta do sometimes you just gotta shut up and Shift.

Dr. Spencer Baron: 13:08

Shift when you drift. Because I might say that to my I might need to say that to myself very often. Because I have such a creative thought process, and it tends to come up with stories that aren't really factual.

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 13:23

Like most people, yeah, yeah.

Dr. Terry Weyman: 13:25

Yeah. Yes, I heard another one. The other day is a and the guy goes go low. And at first, I didn't understand what that meant. But he says, so much of the time, somebody present with you have a very prideful statement, and you want to trend up that and, and then they hit you back. And they try and up that and he says, exchange you, when they hit you, with some goat, you go low and go more like, like, not humble, but just just go low. And they and they can't, they can't do anything about it. I thought that was kind of, too.

Dr. Spencer Baron: 13:59

That's so brilliant. That's brilliant. Dr. Sinclair, let me ask you about stressors, such as what you hear about most that comes out of, you know, family or team frameworks.

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 14:18

Well, there are five big buckets of the biggest sort of derailleurs, distractions, hostels, whatever you want to call things that mess you up things that bug you, right. So those things, one is fear, right, and making mistakes of not being good enough, too much perfection. You know, we'll get to that in a minute to that perfection. There is detention that rises, there is confidence that gets in the way. There is preparation that gets in the way and then you know that fifth bucket is sort of you know, a mess. to mash up a whole bunch of stuff. But those are sort of the biggies.

Dr. Spencer Baron: 15:08

The some of the, like real life examples, you know, anything that even recently that you might have heard that that would resonate with the, with our audiences saying, Oh, that that that happened to me anything in particular?

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 15:24

Well, there's, oh, gosh, there's, there's a lot of things. And I'm just, I'm just thinking, I just go to sort of the New Year stuff and think about people. Okay, I'm going to change it up, I am going to go to the gym five days a week. And that's it. So I'm really going to do it this time. Okay, great. They're going to do that. But what they're not ready for, is as soon as they can't, or they get a cold or just doesn't work out. They think I'm a failure. It's not perfect. That's it, and they dump it all. It's sort of like, as soon as there's one little mistake, or one little thing that they think is a mistake. I can't do it. That's it. And I guess I'd like to get across with this type of stuff is, hey, you just get get back out there and just do it as much as you can. It's like the good enough analogy, like I'm a big good enough person, like, Okay, you couldn't do it today. Okay, we'll get back on it tomorrow. You know, you blew your eating plan today. All right, fine. But if you get it back on tomorrow, you're gonna feel just fine. So nothing's perfect. It's a script for failure. It's not going to happen. So I want people to just go for being really good, or good enough. There's a lot and being good enough that people are usually pretty happy with just we have these expectations that are so unrealistic. We, you know, we get ourselves all caught up. Yeah.

Dr. Terry Weyman: 16:59

All right, I have three that I want. See if you can go ahead, if y'all will wrap down whatever, but three, they want you to dress and give strategies. One is, we already have the stress of the holidays. So one is financial stress how. So I want I want to go into detail and financial, when the tight how the time constraints, which used to kind of slow down. But the third one that actually we're experiencing, I hear quite a bit is loss of loved ones people pass away at this time of year. So can you give our listeners kind of some detailed strategies.

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 17:40

Give it a try that because obviously, I'm not. Again, I'm not necessarily talking about the finances, or the loss of loved ones. I'm talking about the big picture of how to deal with the tension and stress that's, that comes across with those things, right. And, and again, perfect. Obviously, if we don't take care of when we have to face them. It's very difficult to face these things. Sometimes it's a lot easier to avoid and walk away and handle it later, procrastinate, whatever you want to call it. I think being able to sit down and tell yourself, you're going to have to face your fears about this. And think about really what's in the way. And if you are coming up with excuses as to why you can't deal or won't deal. Again, you'll bring me back into some specifics as we go here. But you have to be able to face what's really bothering you or upsetting you and loss of loved ones. It could be a different distraction or fear, depending on who you are and how it happened. Right. So again, how do we find a way to deal with that tension? We have to actually sit down and figure out how to how to manage these things? Do we go and talk to someone? Do we talk to our family members, we have to talk no matter who you are or what's going on. Keeping it all inside is not good. People try to be tough and do it all themselves. They have to talk. It's the smart way to do it. It's the healthy thing to do. They don't have to talk to everybody in their dog. But they have to find some trusted person to talk about how they feel. Because often people will work through what's bothering them or it's just a good release. So you do have to decide to face it, then you have to deal with your tension surrounding it. Slowing down breathing. Of course breathing is not a catch all, but it does do a lot for you more than people think. And I do think that we have to figure out a way to take action either with what's bothering us, as I say, those skills that I talked about before in how to manage it. I think you just have to, you know, you've got to figure out how to take action, and you've got to be able to talk and to listen to others, too. That's tough. That's tough around this stuff. So I'm not gonna give any financial advice, that's for sure. But you got to be able to you want to be able to face it and do something about it, or do the best you can with it.

Dr. Spencer Baron: 20:35

Right? Yeah. Sometimes you're just afraid to face it. And yeah,

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 20:40

that well, maybe the financial stuff. It could be maybe if your typical over spender. Okay, I gotta face why I'm doing that. What's going on? How do I how do I deal with this? Finally? Because I know I'm doing it. I do it more in the holiday season. I've got to come up with how I, if that's really a problem, and am I going to do something about it. Because really the top five difference makers in terms of people being being better, or one being able to take action, to slowing down three listening. So you hear what the other person is saying to you. Because maybe it is good advice, not just to push it away. Dropping the details not getting mired in all the details all the time. Right, because people love the details that makes them feel under control when maybe they're too into the details. And they're not really taking care of what really needs to be taken care of. And then you've got to kind of evaluate yourself. Oh, I did a good job on that one. Okay, great. Well, I didn't What am I going to change for next time?

Dr. Spencer Baron: 21:49

Love it. I feel you know, I don't know about you, Terry. But I feel like I feel like she's actually talking to me on certain certain points. Oh, wait. No,

Dr. Terry Weyman: 22:02

she's i

Dr. Spencer Baron: 22:06

i had to I had to realize we're still on a podcast, not a having a session with Dr. Sinclair. We

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 22:12

can all relate right? We can all relate. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So just how to be a little bit better when it really matters. Yeah. Yes,

Dr. Terry Weyman: 22:21

I like that question. So the difference between being cut from, like, if you're cut from a team, what kind of advice do you give? Oh,

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 22:30

is there? Is there much of a difference psychologically?

Dr. Spencer Baron: 22:35

I wouldn't think so. No, it depends how it happened.

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 22:39

Yeah, it's still you still facing a transition. And in some cases, it could be a planned one or a voluntary one. At others, it could be devastating, because you didn't see it coming in. That's not what you want at all. So how do you want to handle this one? Right. Yeah, I mean, in terms of of it again, we have to face it, and figure out how we're going to manage our emotions through it. I do feel that all of our behavior comes.

Dr. Spencer Baron: 23:22

Yeah, I've been around players. Yeah, I know. I wasn't saying I've been around players when they were when they get cut. And it's not much different than getting fired from your job. You know, it's

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 23:36

self identity issue is terrible. If you didn't want that to happen. Because again, you get slammed into that hotspot zone. Oh, my gosh, I've failed. I've made a mistake. People don't think I'm good enough. I'm supposed to be perfect. All of those things can start to ramp up in your head. You make up stories that maybe are not true. Most of the time. They're not tensions up. Behaviors not so good. Usually. Now our mental health suffers.

Dr. Terry Weyman: 24:13

In speaking of mental health, I've always wondered, because you hear this term a lot clinically depressed. How do people actually get clinically depressed is that an overused term is an underused term. Is it more in the forefront?

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 24:31

Why should you think it's overused? It's a complicated question. Of course, there's, there's it can be biological. It can be there's a lot of psychosocial factors that go into becoming, you know, unable to handle the stressors that are in your life as well. It can rear up and grab anybody at anytime. Nobody's immune. Right to these mental health issues for sure. But trying to keep a lid on how you are going in your life is very important. As you see, we all have subclinical issues going on all the time, you might feel really great about this thing, but opes, you know, part of my job is sliding a little, I have got to pull that back under control. So again, mental health is one of those things that Oh, sometimes I'm on the right side of it, sometimes I'm not on the right side of it. But then when you you know, get over the threshold into the clinical stuff where it is affecting your job, your life, you're being you aren't able to function, as you want said, or normally, we've got trouble. And we definitely want to avoid that, because it's very hard for anybody. So how do we do that? Well, hopefully we can avoid it. But paying attention to your mental health is a good idea. But paint it too, how do you do that? Paying attention to how you're performing. As I say, it's one of the best ways to keep your mental health in check or under control, or just on the right side of it to nourish your mental wellness, for sure. Again, I go back to the process, you got to figure out what's good, you know, anticipate what's going to bother you or get you in trouble mentally. And physically, it could be right and then have a way out, have something to shift on to don't just think I'll handle when it happens. Have something to go to and manage yourself in it doesn't take as much effort as people think a little bit of pre planning a little bit of breathing a little bit of telling yourself hey, I can do this. Sounds simple works. So I tell you, my book.

Dr. Spencer Baron: 26:50

Yeah, we're gonna get I'm

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 26:53

not saying I'm saying it's sort of laid it all out, oh, we are definitely

Dr. Spencer Baron: 26:57

I am. I am going to devour that book, by the way. So without without giving away too many secrets, I'm just, I'm just a little curious about some of the first things that they customize. Some of the some of the first things that come come to mind when you're creating a maybe a strategy for, you know, promoting mental health. Now, we talked about once you're in a stress, you know, environment or a stressful, you know, mode or sensation. But do you have any suggestions that, you know, right off the top that would actually as a preventative or a, you know, maintenance cure for mental health? Well,

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 27:54

besides all the obvious things, yes. But again, I keep hitting, you know, like eating and sleeping and exercise and all that. I really do feel that we have to pay attention to how we are thinking, which is why this process is important. And I'll try to give you a generic example of what I mean, in terms of how to use this stuff. So I'm thinking of a NFL quarterback, who I had worked with and young, great rocket arm, all of that great guy, you know, not an aggressive person, as most athletes I work with and people. Most people are on the cautious side. They're not assertive, aggressive people. People don't realize that. And the thing that was getting in his way, was the coach. The coach was always on him, yelling at him, giving them advice, like, don't throw crappy passes. He's like, okay, you know, stuff like that, and was always on him. And this, this young, talented guy, trying to do the right thing was having real trouble dealing with this person and then trying to play his game. They always wanted to play like Peyton Manning or breeze or whomever and he wanted to play like him. But he couldn't get by how to do it. He couldn't take action. He couldn't take control. So we sat down and figured out a plan as to how he would do this because he decided after some suggestions that yeah, I really should handle this guy because I can't manage myself on the field the way I think I should. It didn't involve yelling and screaming at him, managed him helping himself out. So what did he have to do? He had to he had to calm down because whenever he got in a situation with his coach, and the coach is on him, his tensions up he shuts down. He doesn't say what he thinks No one can get anything out of them. So what he decided to do is really tell them what he felt in a calm way. So he'd come out of the locker room on the way to a meeting, and he would use that, you know, 10 seconds down the hall to breathe, you know, walk slowly uses height, remind himself of some of his facts, hey, I'm in the NFL, I've done great. I did this in university, I'm a good guy. I'm in charge of this, I need to take, you know, take action here. So he reminded himself of these things on the way into the quarterback room, sit down, not just sit down, you know, like this. He watched his body language, big smile, open stance, say, Okay, hi, guys, what are we doing that type of thing. And then he'd be seated, set himself up, right. And then he would have in his mind his list of choose four, you know, on field stuff, what he had to do what he thought was important in terms of team performance, and how you could get guys to work for him and get in the right place, etc. So he had that all pre planned. And then when the coach start to get after him, he would stop it and keep it calm, and say, Hey, he even started to say, hey, I don't agree. Here's what I'm thinking. It took like two meetings of him settling, keeping down, going low, whatever you want to say. And actually saying what he actually thought and keep pushing, he would push back nicely, but he wouldn't just let the coach bone them over, he would come back to his point and get a resolution before they moved on. He did this by pre planning it and practicing it in his head and talking his way through it. Like through the meeting. Oh, come on. He tells himself No. Okay, six point, come on, down. Breathe. Okay, you got it. He's trying to help. It's alright. Or however he would do it. He ended up you know, he's got he's got some rings. All because he did that for himself. Yeah, by going through a simple process.

Dr. Spencer Baron: 32:11

That is great. I love this. I love when you provide a story that implements all the little strategies because it makes it so real. So thank you for sharing that. That was. That's fantastic. You know, it's the first time Oh, go ahead.

Dr. Terry Weyman: 32:29

So I got a question. You know, when you have, there's, gosh, it seems like every time you turn on the news in the last month, all you see is hate, hate, hate, hate. You know, what's some of your approach to helping people with what's going on in the world today to try and calm that down and, and look at different that gets sucked up into that social media, and media, which

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 33:01

is a tough one, because social media is here to stay in media and whatnot. But besides taking a break and turning it off. I don't know that there really is much to say, again, people get caught up in things external to them. And if there are things that they think they can do, to help say, it's, you know, there's a lot of climate change, discontent and concern. And in fact, it's an emerging area of study, you know, climate, climate, environmental therapy, so people to go in and talk about sort of the angst that all of this is providing. But I think beyond doing what you can do in your own zone about something like that, or volunteering or donations, or however you want to go about it again, and boring, it comes back to how you're going to manage your own thinking about this. Do you just stay in that hotspot zone? And let the thoughts and the clutter, grow and consume you? Or do you really face what is bothering you and have a way to quell those anxieties as they rise? Anxiety is a real thing. It's out there, we've all got to deal with it. But I've seen so many people, when they face what's really causing the anxiety and talk their way through it. And I'm thinking of a PhD candidate. I'm talking to getting very worked up about the comprehensive exams and they're not going to like what he says and he's not going to be able to get through it or however, he's talking about it. When he actually sort of looked at sort of the facts. Well, actually I'm here. Got a scholarship. I'm actually pretty good at this. Okay, settle down, settle down, breathe, settle down. Now. How am I going to handle this? What are the questions? Since how am I going to deal with this? That's fine. So again, you can either let yourself roll and into oblivion, or you can check yourself and pull yourself back to at least reality by using some of these skills, and you've, you've got to actually put the effort into thinking constructively. It's easy to let it go to let it rip. Right? And then blame everything else. It's, but we can do a better job than we really think than we then we do. We all of us can. gotta settle down.

Dr. Terry Weyman: 35:40

You know, that we always hear that. People just go. Fuck it. I'm just right drink. Yeah. And they go, they go to the house, and they walk right to the bar, and they just pour themselves a stiff drink. And they go, this is how I get through the all day. And then you got the people they're trying to recover from, from alcohol. And they get in these situations and they go, right? Is there any trigger words that you can help people with that they can play in their mind before they reach their hands? They've got

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 36:14

to they don't have trigger words, but they've got to actually sort of decide, okay, they've got to have something pre planned to go to, to get themselves to settle down, because it's the tension that's coming up. And it's that and then the motivation goes sideways. Because again, the motivation part is that people outsource their motivation all the time to others. Oh, okay. It's not my fault. Okay, I'm, I'm thinking of, again, a pro player. Blaming, getting out there on the mound, not going well, not going well, not going well put yanked. And then in the dugout, we're talking, he's very upset. And it's all to do with other people. It's not his fault, etc. Well, maybe in some cases, maybe it's like Cisco comes in. And you know, splinters is bad on the watercooler because, you know, he struck out well, it's not anybody's issue except yours. You've got to grab your own motivation, can't outsource it to other people, you've got to decide if it's really you or not, and get a hold of yourself. So if you don't, again, in the moment is where we go sideways, because when the pressures on and we're not prepared, who knows what's going to happen. If you're ready for the situation, you've at least got a way to try to calm yourself down and get yourself out of it. We're not always successful. But it's a start, if you don't have somewhere to go, if you don't have anything to shift to you just gonna drift into junk. And, you know, and you know, there's often there's like, with a baseball guy I'm talking with, there's tears in the dugout, you know, it's so frustrating. But once he got a hold of what was in his way, basically, the fear of not being able to hit the catcher's glove, and figured out how to actually stay composed, or at least get the ball where he needed to, and do the mental work to actually do it, like the process we're talking about. He's fine. He's doing great.

Dr. Spencer Baron: 38:41

So, you know, it was it's been during this conversation, and almost it's been a revelation to me, which is probably obvious to most people. But I think it's worth having a bit of a conversation about and that is, you know, we refer to the holidays being so stressful, we point to the fact that all families get together, it's a time that you're supposed to be happy. If you're by yourself, that's another reason to be upset or what have you. Or you could be with somebody that you are a group that you're not happy with. But what I'm what I'm actually realizing is, and once Terry mentioned something about, you know, the alcohol thing, you know, we there's probably more alcohol consumed during the holidays, there's more garbage foods consumed. As a matter of fact, I believe we take 60% of our calories in between for the year for the whole year, between Thanksgiving and New Year's. And so we're talking what two months we take in the bulk of our calories. And so now we're eating like garbage, and we're expecting to be in you know, tiptop health or you know, you know, mental you got blood sugar, right rising and falling, you got, you know, toxic alcohol hit in the brain and God knows what other stuff, you know. So it's almost an expectation for people to be off track mentally, emotionally. You know, how do you you know,

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 40:20

you've got to decide for yourself whether that's going to be okay or not? And if it is fine, yeah, but if it's not, it, I think a lot of people just don't know how to make the change. And I'm not like, how do I, how do I manage myself during these stressful times? So they just keep going back to their default, if there's a simple way that they can pull themselves back a little bit under control, then maybe they would do it. And again, I'm not talking about perfection, or you have to do it this way. I'm just talking about a few strategies, if you really do decide, you want to take action and be just a little bit better. Like we're not talking about more than just a little bit better than here's some things that you can do. But you have to actually think about them. Yeah, and it's, it is easier just to let it rip and go have a drink. Which is, which can be just fine. Thank you very much. Just if you don't like it. Sometimes as one of my most, I guess, bold, colorful clients would say, Yeah, gotta do the best was what you got, right, Dana? No, absolutely. So your situation might not be what you want. So we have to either work to change it or do the best with what we have. And that is the mental part of it. Trying to settle and do the best we can.

Dr. Spencer Baron: 41:50

One last question. One last question for me. Kids, you know, it's a time where families get together, kids are much more oriented towards their phone, and, you know, being on you know, flipping through Instagram and so on. How would you? If my kids listen to this podcast? I'm not referring to them, because they're really good about not being on their phone. I'm referring to the general population of kids are on their phone, when they're supposed to be with family, how would apparently engage, get the kids engaged more with social, their social skills,

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 42:29

they should just engage them? I think a lot of parents talk down, tell people what to do. They don't sit the kid down and say, Hey, this is what I'm thinking, what do you think? How do you feel about this? What can we do that might change it up just for the two hours over at grandma's or whatever it is? They don't engage them enough. It's always, you know, if you're 14, and you've been taught that all the time. Why wouldn't they? We don't give these young kids enough credit for their own decision making abilities and their own smarts. Bring them in. Don't treat them like they're 14 because 14 year olds are pretty smart. Yeah. 12 year olds are pretty smart. I've worked with 10 year olds, and I'm thinking holy smokes, and I'm talking to him like he's 20.

Unknown: 43:24

Wow, that's fantastic. But

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 43:26

it's just because if they start to, or if they're able to talk about themselves, and what they like and what they don't like and what they want and what they don't want, and what bothers them and when why they're good, when they're good. You draw them in and you get a conversation going as opposed to just hey, I'm your parent, I'm telling you what to do. No good. Or with an employee, or a teammate, or a spouse or anything.

Dr. Spencer Baron: 43:54

It's funny, one of my what my younger son, he, when he was about 13, or 14, I would I would do this, I would engage him, I would always ask questions and so on, of him, and he would respond there. Then I noticed he started going on his phone. As soon as I would ask him a question. I go, Dude, what are you doing? He goes, Dad, I'm just looking up what you were talking about. So I can have a conversation with you about it. Sorry. Go at it, man. And, and he would come back with some great answer, you know, or some conversation, but it's funny because it is soon. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 44:37

And they, you know, these young people with social media and technology. I mean, they're doing things that I'm you know, like, it's okay. You like you go be good at that. And if I'm having trouble, we'll just have a quick conversation about it and see if we can get to some, you know, agreement well We're having a meeting, right? Yeah, doesn't take much. It's just people get their backup and they get defensive right away. And then they go, instead of going low and asking.

Dr. Terry Weyman: 45:16

All right, so to kind of wrap up, we were wrapping up on on Hi. And first off, we had a lot of lows, so not a high. And, you know, my first advice was in a joking manner was like, well, if they're pounding the alcohol, you know, get there. You know, get old bear whiskey that does, you know, they go down, smooth the devil out the light, throw it down, like, you know, turpentine, but

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 45:44

I'm just gonna interrupt on that one, sir. But there's a stressor there that they're not facing? Yes. However, they're unhappy about what they're doing. If they're happy with what they're doing, I have nothing to say. Correct, right.

Dr. Terry Weyman: 46:02

So, we want to as a as a podcast as a as a family here, we want to congratulate you on your new book, which is coming out January 2. And we are so proud that that this book is coming out. And I know that Spencer and I are totally chomping at the bit to get a copy and read it because you know, we can learn so much from you, as called dialed in, do your best when it matters most. writing that book, what would you think is what was your favorite part of that book? And and what were you most jazz is used my partner's favorite term, but jazz do about a part

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 46:46

of that, but did like writing about busting some myths? For sure. Because there's a lot of things out there that I think people think, philosophically are necessary for performance successfully. And I don't agree with at all. It's like the confidence bit. It's so overrated, everybody says you can't you have to believe in yourself, you have to trust it. No, you don't. You don't have to calm down and figure out what you got to do and try to stay focused on that. That's it. People get too wound up about it. You know, there are difference makers, there are a few things I like pulling out of my work with other people that, oh, that's why they've been successful, and why they are consistently able to deliver, yes, they're talented, but it's their mindset, the talent stuff doesn't ensure success, the mindset does. And I did love writing the second part about how to actually do it to, you know, have the time to try to make my thoughts clear and concise. And it took a while because I wasn't as clear as I thought until you have to write it down. Right? And then you write it down. It's like, okay, there we go. Just a step by step way to do it. It's great.

Dr. Terry Weyman: 47:57

So besides the confidence myth, give us another one because I love math,

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 48:01

I love motivation. As I say, you can't outsource your own motivation. You've got to, you're responsible, sorry, no matter what's going on, you got to figure out a way around it. Can't just blame it on somebody else. Because a lot of times people will say, well, I'll just keep coming into spring training. He had been doing great, you know, just got drafted all of that. He gets to spring training. And he says to me, you know, I just don't know that I'm, I want this anymore. I just don't think I'm motivated. And I'm like, okay, something's going on here because you were a month ago, and you're great. What's going on? talked a bit, he's too scared. He's scared. He can't live up to his expectations or his dad's expectations. So we got around it. But whenever people are sort of trying to outsource their own motivation, ooh, take a moment. Check yourself. Is that really true or not face it? So that's one of them. Superstitions don't like them? Nope. No, good. I'm not gonna give you any play on that one. Terry, you're done.

Dr. Terry Weyman: 49:10

I wear the same. I wear the same underwear I wear last time because it were the podcast went so good. Well, maybe

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 49:16

it shouldn't have worn them. I don't

Dr. Terry Weyman: 49:22

know, you know, I

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 49:25

mean, I'm sort of tongue in cheek with it a bit. Like if they're things that you do that allow you to calm down great. But really superstitions are there as a way to manage our anxieties. I would rather people find a different way to manage our tension and anxieties that are more helpful, reliable, consistent, productive, wearing the same cap. It has nothing to do with anything. You know, I had a golfer who I have to do this and I have to do that and whatnot because I you know, did this last time It wasn't at all they got so caught up in their superstitions they blew it the next time because they weren't focused on you know where the ball was the line of the ball so right come on now

Dr. Spencer Baron: 50:15

I had a an athlete come up to be a football player at Miami Dolphins come up and he he stopped short of getting coming in to get adjusted and I go what you guys? We we won last week did you adjust me? And I go oh, wait a minute. Wait, are you like treating me like a rabbit's foot? A good luck charm. I go. Cuz you know, don't put that pressure on me. No,

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 50:42

you're in you're in a bad spot when that's happening.

Unknown: 50:45

Yeah,

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 50:45

you know Yeah, yeah. All right. Well

Dr. Terry Weyman: 50:56

what? No, one more.

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 50:58

Oh, the F word.

Dr. Spencer Baron: 51:03

Fear. Oh, geez. I didn't I thought you were gonna unload an F bomb on us.

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 51:12

I thought I didn't I'm kidding. That fear fear failure. The fear of expectations what people think being terrible being an idiot all of that it's not as bad as you think you know, we build these fears up. So guess what? Let's settle down. Let's address them move on. Don't let that ruin your life. Come on. No.

Dr. Spencer Baron: 51:38

That's fantastic. You got you got us on that on that was good. January 2, right January 2 That books coming out? Yeah, dialed in baby dialed in. I love it dialed in.

Dr. Terry Weyman: 51:54

So where are they? Where are they gonna be able to find this book as well put a link in your description but for if you're listening to

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 52:02

Barnes and Noble any, any bookstore any online

Dr. Terry Weyman: 52:06

Awesome. Awesome. Well, thank you so much, Doc, you were as always a wealth of information and we so appreciate you being part of our family. And and I got a word Thank you. So I hopefully hear your words are gonna really help those people that are struggling this this holiday because that's what it's all about. So hopefully that some people heard this can pass on and help their friends and their loved ones to get through with that plan. And and have a strategy to have a healthy and a happy knowing that

Dr. Dana Sinclair: 52:42

you guys so thank you. See you.

Unknown: 52:50

Thank you for listening to today's episode of The cracking backs podcast. We hope you enjoyed it. Make sure you follow us on Instagram at cracking backs podcast. catch new episodes every Monday. See you next time.