Working Mom Guilt

To all of our male listeners, this episode is ABSOLUTELY a must listen for you, even if “Mom” is listed in the title. In this episode, Dr. Kuba and Bethany talk about one thing that is plaguing practice owners, hygienists, RDAs, and business team members alike – working mom guilt. Bethany sits with so many women who are constantly beating themselves up. They want to be better employees but also want to be better moms. They pile expectations on their own shoulders and begin to crumble under the weight of it. Tune in to hear a very freeing perspective from Dr. Kuba and Bethany!

Previous Episodes Worth Revisiting: 

The “Surface Pressure” is Killing Me, Now What? 

The Importance of Mental Health in the Workplace

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Transcript

Are you looking for a podcast where you can hear from real people regarding their real dental drama if so then
0:09
you've come to the right place join hosts Bethany Penny and Dr reena Kuba as
0:15
we dive into the solutions we've created and the mistakes we've made while
0:20
managing dental drama let's get started i am so excited
0:26
as promised you released the link to the hub yes you actually released it earlier
0:33
than I thought you were going to and I was like it's here i know we got in a mode and we were like let's do it so we
0:39
actually did it by the end of the month April 30th yeah it's live i think um Yeah cuz I thought it was
0:45
coming out like on a Friday but y'all got it on a Wednesday or Thursday yeah and I was like here it is so for those
0:50
of you who don't know what we're talking about shame on you for not listening um no uh it's a resource center yes so like
0:58
documents to help you get going and so taking things from a oh yes you should
1:03
send an offer letter yes you should uh you know do audits of your building to
1:10
make sure it's safe off you go good luck with that these are the tools that are like how do how do I do that where's the
1:16
recipe the recipe is available even our digests like when we were first starting
1:22
our subscription model and we you know we didn't have as many subscribers as now we as we have now but um so for
1:30
people that are like oh can I still have access to that that's all on the hub now too it's all there yeah we've got you
1:37
know I was just looking at our list of products and we've got a huddle bundle
1:42
you know how do we put together a good morning huddle what's the you know what's a good agenda like you've got
1:48
that resour source you don't need to think about it any further we've talked a lot about annual performance reviews
1:54
okay go to the hub there's a annual performance bundle that has multiple
2:00
different options of an annual performance review how to conduct those um offer letter like what is an offer
2:07
letter i've never done an offer letter before for a new employee we've got a bundle of those where there's one for a
2:13
business assistant rda RDH you it's just the easy button is what I would say and
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I would say if you are a um employee of the practice so you're
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not the owner basically and maybe you're getting tasked like if you're the manager or you're the assistant who's
2:31
helping with certain things or you're the hygienist and you're like "We need to be doing this." Um go check out the
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hub and go let your doctor know what all is available there for you and say "Hey can we buy this this will make our lives
2:44
easier like if you're the hygienist who's in charge of morning huddles and you're like I am doing the best I can
2:51
but you know I want to know what are some other tips and a better way of doing this so I'm going to encourage
2:56
everybody like this is a resource there's resources for everybody on there not just the doctor absolutely yeah
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definitely go check it out and we'll continue to add so what you see there when you go to that uh hub is it'll be
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ever changing we'll be adding resources as we go so I'm super excited about that um and then I'm also excited about
3:16
today's topic but I want to make sure before we dig into it that we do not lose our male listeners to me this is a
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topic that is very applicable to all genders here and I think we we you and I
3:30
tend to uh notice it more with females maybe because we're more vocal about it
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or maybe I don't know but I think a lot of men could be feeling the similar
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having similar challenges so yeah we just want to make sure even though it's you know in time for Mother's Day and
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it's uh it's seemingly female focused but I think it's it is generally
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applicable and when you mentioned um talking about this I was like "Oh I I don't I don't know that that we could
4:00
get into some weeds here people you know thinking we're trying to tell them how to parent or how to whatever and and
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that's not the goal of this at all um so why don't you kick it off with like what
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your goal is i think you mentioned like female empowerment and again gentlemen like just um empowerment I guess from
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uh I I'm not getting the right words let me let you take over well I I was when I
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really thought about it for today it is like I say I get on a soap box because
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as a working mom I'm very passionate about working moms uh and I think we
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tend to I told you probably eight out of 10 women that I sit with whether it's
4:47
practice owners or whether it's the employees within the practice have this guilt that they carry being a working
4:55
mom and I'm very passionate about being aware of that guilt dismantling that
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guilt and empowering ourselves to be a
5:07
fantastic employee and also a fantastic parent and I think both of those should
5:14
and could coincide without us feeling guilt for either we
5:20
shouldn't feel guilty being away from our kids at certain times we shouldn't feel guilty having to be awake away away
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from work at certain times we should it really should be a symbiotic working relationship and it's not that right now
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and I see I sit across from so many women that women in particular and I
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think it's because we tend to be more vocal about it we're just beating ourselves up well and most of our
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employees are women yeah so it just by the numbers of of who you're talking to
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yeah so I do see a lot of guilt associated with it and I I think we you
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and I are working moms and I think the vantage point that we can hopefully provide today my goal in this would
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be freedom from that guilt refraraming the working mom mindset um
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that it's not a compromise it's actually a blessing and it's and it's a good thing for us as an individual to be able
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to work um when we can or if that's what we choose to do that we should feel proud of that not ashamed of that or
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guilty of that you know for that so I really want to approach today from a how
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do we reframe that how do we approach balancing both of these in a way that's
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beneficial for us individually as a female or as a mom that we can we can
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tackle this in a way that allows us to be great at work and great as a mom and and to quit this beat up session that we
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do to ourselves well I think for me early on like when I started the practice I I mean that's exactly I was
6:59
like I feel like I am I I think I still felt good about my dentistry but I was
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like you know am I a you know crappy practice owner um
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and you know the way I deal with my employees and things like that like just the unknowns and you're just kind of
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making up your answers as you go along um am I a crappy wife because now I'm trying to run a business and be a wife
7:24
and bringing work problems home and then you throw kids into the mix and now you're like "Oh okay i'm a I'm a crappy
7:30
owner a crappy wife and a crappy mom." Um you know and I I think early on I I
7:35
absolutely felt that way and I'm trying to think of what the turning point was for me because I'm certainly not that
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way now um and I think part of it was uh you know seeking counsel like getting
7:47
some help like you coming in and helping me run the business so that I'm not a crappy business owner um and I think
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from the kids standpoint maybe some of that too was well um you know just the
8:00
realizations of some things that as my kid I I think I felt it more when they were little and then as they were
8:07
getting into like kindergarten or first grade or whatever and me going "Oh gosh I should I should like go have lunch
8:12
with them or I should go to be a field trip um chaperoon." And my younger one
8:18
going "Uhuh I don't want you to." Yeah like in in kindergarten I'm like "Why not
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no I I just don't you know and she's just one of those kids who you know she didn't want grandparents to come for
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grandparents day and dare I say like she was embarrassed by us or whatever but it was a different perspective for me to go
8:35
okay you're okay you still had fun on your field trip you don't feel like I neglected you in fact like that was the
8:41
older one the one field trip I went on completely drained me yeah and in my
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mind I still remember it was a kindergarten field trip and we were in charge of four kids one of which being
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mine i'm like how hard could this be we get on the bus and I'm like "This is so much fun." Like when I'm done with
8:59
dentistry and my neck can't work anymore you know maybe I'll go back and be a kindergarten teacher so look how cool this is 4 hours later on the bus back
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I'm like "Oh for the love of God I I do not know how these people do you couldn't pay me enough." And it was like
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I was only in charge of four kids one of whom was my own but it was just a lot and I was like you do not get paid
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anything like sit in your dentistry in your dental office like you were so lucky that you get you have so much
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control over things you get paid far better um but it was a draining day and
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I'm like "Oh god please don't ask me to go on another field trip i really did not enjoy that at all." And then here
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comes my you know my next one and she's just like "No or if you go don't wear a
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Don't wear your hair in a bun." And I'm just like "Okay so now you want me to be the Lululemon mama which I am not." So okay
9:50
well no i'm going to wear a bun in my hair and I'm going to wear my scrappy workout clothes that I get at Sam's and
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um Oh so you don't want me great i can go back to work then and go make some money and not have to chase you and your
10:03
ragtag friends for free like so I I think for me maybe that was the moment where I was like you're fine and I I
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can't go to everything and selfishly it was like this doesn't make any sense i'm
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out there running like a fool where I could be seeing patients in the comfort of my office and making some money so
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selfishly I think something clicked along there but I think it was more they were fine you were fine and so you know
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and then a as growing up my parents had to work they're immigrant parents they're busting their butts day and
10:37
night so I think just in my mind I guess maybe without me having that and when my
10:44
mom did turn into a stay-at-home mom at some point when there was like three of us then and daycare was too expensive
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I've seen the decline in my mom from being a professional to then like you
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know and when I say decline I what I'm talking about is like when we went off
11:00
to college and then she's got nothing to do um and so I just try to remember that
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every time where I'm like "Oh I'm going to retire and and I'm out." I'm like "What else are you going to do?" You need to have something to keep you going
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i'm getting off the mark here but my point is at some point you you kind of like if you allow yourself to
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[Music] go I I you know a and going am I selfish
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no and this I think is your point you say it far better but I'm I'm working to
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provide for you so that we can do the things that we can do yeah um and so I
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think it was that reframing for me that was like wait a minute and I've got the ability here to impact not only my
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patients but also my employees give them a safe place to work and give them so I
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think for my kids to be able to see that mama can do that yeah i think you know to me that's very powerful and hopefully
11:59
a longer term lesson than I came to you and to your Valentine's Day party right
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now maybe again I'm going to go back and say I'm a bit selfish with that i don't want to go to the Valentine's Day party
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i got to go mix and mingle with the teachers and e you need more juice or here baby don't forget to clean up your
12:16
cookie or I want to do all that so I'll do it maybe once a year if I have to but it's
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not up my my So for people that are more
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social and want to do all of that but do you have to do all of it right or feel
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guilty about it if you don't i guess to me I'm like "No why should I do every one of these let another parent go in
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and have an opportunity to go." Right ex and I think the key thing is to to find
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your place in all of that and to feel good about it like the things that you are participating in you feel good about
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um you want you look forward to it like and again this being a parent is all
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about sacrifice but I think also we've got to be really careful to out of guilt
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do things that we just feel like I'm supposed to do this i'm the same way and
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again the last place I want to be is at a elementary party i don't enjoy them
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they stress me out the level of noise and movement and I see danger everywhere
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when I'm watching kids like I see them heading toward a a chair that I know they're going to trip over and I my
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motherly instincts take over and so the whole time I'm like there's danger everywhere like one of these kids is
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going to get hurt it's just very stressful for me and I've realized I don't do good in those settings i've not
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been since the my first child's kindergarten party i've never been back
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to one and other moms may look at that and go "Oh my gosh you are awful." No
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I'm not no I'm not because the stress that that would cause me is not worth it
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plus then I'm not a good fun person for my kid in that moment because I'm stimulated in a way that is not good for
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me and then they're not getting the best of their mom or then I come home that evening and I'm exhausted so to me what
14:17
is fueling for me is work i enjoy my work it is something that fills me up i
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get a chance to be creative i get a chance to use all this education that I've put time and money
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into i feel good about what I'm doing and the difference that I'm making and I come home fueled up by that and then
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when I get home I am full mama mode i am that phone is aside i'm not checking my
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email i'm not taking phone calls past a certain point and I am 100% invested in
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cooking dinner for my family talking with them having really good intentional
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conversation i'm there i'm 100% mom i have not thought about them all day long
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i will be honest i have not been checking my phone to see if anybody's texted me i haven't been checking school
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emails i haven't been trying to plan some fun event for them i have been off
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of mom mode literally for the entire day and then when I get home I'm 100% mom
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and I see that being a struggle for a lot of women that I sit across from because they're trying to be both
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they're trying to be 100% invested in their job and also my kid texts me
15:31
throughout the day needing social advice throughout the day so I'm needing to take these little breaks to like enter
15:37
into their world and coach them throughout the day and so I see women
15:44
who are literally divided the entire day they are fulltime work and fulltime mom
15:51
simultaneously trying to be trying to be both and it's wearing them smack out so
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I'm sitting and looking at this woman who is stressed to her max because she
16:02
feels like she's unsuccessful in both categories and again this is where I will say some
16:10
things that every listener is going to have to tow the line and figure out what's right for them but to me it's
16:15
very hard to be simultaneously both and I think back to the days you know this
16:21
is going to make me sound old but back in my day there weren't cell phones i
16:26
didn't have any access to my parents throughout the day zero zilch and you
16:32
know what i was fine i figured it out on my own and I was fine the teachers were
16:38
there the staff was there like it's it was meant to be a world that I could be
16:44
dropped off as a child and I was fine um and I think because of cell phones and
16:51
more accessibility and all of that kids do have access to their parents throughout the day now and so it's hard
16:58
for a mom or a dad for that matter to completely shut off and just be a work
17:05
person um for an extended period of time but I think that's part of the stress
17:10
that parents in general but moms are the ones that are voicing it to me the most that they feel fragmented that they
17:17
can't be fully in one place or the other and I don't think that's mentally good for us well and so my husband has put it
17:24
best and I guess I don't want to get this in get into like oh I'm trying to give parenting advice because everybody
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needs to do what's right feels right for them but my husband has said our job is
17:36
to make sure that we raise independent kids because if they're dependent on us and we're not there then we've not done
17:43
our job and so I you know I come from a very sheltered protected and I'm like
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yeah I think the reason I kind of was able to get away from that is because I was a middle kid and I just kind of you
17:56
know always did my own thing but I look at my siblings and I'm like "Oh gosh I'm
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so glad I'm not as um reliant on certain things." Yeah so a lot of that goes into
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personality and blah blah blah blah without getting into the weeds of all that I think for me yes there are times
18:14
where I'm just like "Oh I need to be there to" and and I think that you know when he kind of pointed that out to me I
18:21
was like "You're right." So if I'm like you know "Oh mama can you add more to my
18:27
lunch account if I get that email?" No I can't that's something that you should
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have been asking me to do before and so now might you not have lunch yeah does
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that break my heart yep but I'm making you a better person that you're going to
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take that seriously going forward because what if I was dead and so I've not done you a service if I'm checking
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phone all day guiding you through whatever issues you're having what if I died tomorrow what if I'm in a car
18:56
accident and then now you are not self-sufficient so I've not done you a service yeah um and then if I am on the
19:03
phone with you all of those times like probably I'm not getting to you in the time you need anyway
19:09
so you're getting whatever interpretation you're taking of what I am able to send you and then alt the
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while I'm being a crappy employee or a crappy dentist because I'm distracted so
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same thing like I don't check my phone to do all of that um my husband is going to have to go back to work full-time
19:28
starting tomorrow so since the pandemic he's been home working from home the the whole time and we both kind of are like
19:34
"Oh gosh if the kids needed something then we both were like you know what they're in middle school you know almost
19:41
12 and 13 like y'all need to start figuring this out you've got you've got
19:47
resources there you need to So he you know we both are going to have to leave early you're going to have to get on
19:53
your bus mhm like the the fact that one of us was there to be a backup like I'm
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not doing you a service you don't have to figure it out and so I think and I feel good about
20:03
that like I'm empowering you to not be stuck on mommy and daddy to do all of
20:08
this for you right um so I think yeah for I think you were mentioning
20:14
uh a client interaction you had do you mind talking about Yeah so what this
20:21
kind of goes into this feeling of get you know I need to be at all of these
20:27
things so I was in a team meeting the other day and we were reviewing some PTO time off policies and in this particular
20:36
practice what we set up is there is a penalty if you don't put in that time
20:41
off request with two weeks notice and again this was bred out of problems like
20:47
we needed to create a policy to kind of tighten um some things because it's a
20:52
team full of moms that were you know little field trips or little team part uh class parties or things would come up
20:59
and then there would be a last minute request like oh I got to be there at this event and so to in order to kind of
21:05
tighten that up and get people thinking more in advance there was this two if
21:10
you didn't ask with two weeks notice then there you were penalized meaning if you needed to be off for 2 hours you
21:17
were charged for 4 hours because you didn't of your PTO time yeah and so
21:25
again it created this dialogue of well what if you know we don't have two weeks what if they're playing in they're in
21:32
the finals for a state championship and we just find out the week before that they're going to be in
21:38
okay as a working parent you're having to then decide is it worth me losing
21:44
double time to go to that state championship or am I choosing to not do
21:51
that and I think the choice to not do it for a lot of people feels
21:58
wrong like oh I can't I mean I I have to be there this is a big event like I've
22:03
got to be at my kids event okay but why why becomes my question is it
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because you feel like your kid will never forgive you if you weren't there
22:16
is it because you want to be there you enjoy that that is fulfilling you okay
22:22
that is worth it then take the penalty because you desire to be there it's like
22:28
you live for that football game or whatever it is great do that for yourself but it if it is I feel bad or I
22:38
feel like my child is going to think negatively of me or they're going to feel disenfranchised somehow because I
22:47
wasn't there that's the wrong reason and it's that kind of guilt that gets us
22:52
into trouble because at the end of the day our jobs are a gift to our children
23:00
they're they're a blessing our job is not an inconvenience our job is not something
23:07
that's taking away from our child's life our job is something that's contributing to our child's life not only
23:15
financially in our family I I tell people this all the time i would be a
23:22
terrible stay-at-home parent i would be miserable because my fulfillment is not
23:30
cooking and housework and living around my my children it cooking and housework
23:37
brings me zero joy i have to like build myself up for it and it's I'm exhausted
23:43
after I've done it um so filling my life with that I would be a very miserable
23:49
woman also I like to use my brain i like to problem solve i like to feel like I'm
23:55
making an impact beyond my home i be making an impact with my children absolutely that's important to me but I
24:02
want it to go further than that because I know that there's going to come an end where my children don't need my impact
24:07
anymore like you said if I'm doing my job as a parent I'm raising children that don't need me past a certain point
24:14
and so if I do if I were to invest all of this creative mind that I have and
24:19
all this problem solving into only my children there is an end to that and then I go what do I do with myself at
24:25
that point so not only is it financially contributing to my children but it's creating a mom that's fulfilled in life
24:33
and is feeling like I'm making an impact and therefore I'm a happier more satisfied woman when I'm around them and
24:41
we talk about that with our kids like that is an open line of communication you know sometime I have to travel for
24:47
work and sometimes I get sad when I'm leaving like "Oh mommy why do you have to leave?" like I miss you when I'm gone
24:53
and as a mom that can eat you alive like I'm doing them such a disservice cuz I'm leaving them right now no that is not
25:00
the way we talk about trips in in our household i never apologize for being gone ever it is a privilege that I get
25:08
to travel with my work it is a privilege that I get to earn money and then when
25:14
you know what we got we got a movie tonight that we get to go to you know why because mommy and daddy's job help
25:20
provide for fun things like that uh sometimes if my kids are complaining because I had a long work day and I
25:26
didn't get back until right before bedtime and they're like "Why were you gone so long?" said "Did you have a good
25:31
dinner tonight?" Yeah we had a really good dinner we made homemade pizzas and blah blah blah you know why you got to
25:37
eat homemade pizzas tonight and they say your job or daddy's job that's right we
25:44
have all of these good things because we work and it's a privilege so we don't talk about work as a burden or I have to
25:53
oh gosh mommy's got to go to work no it is a gift and and in so doing we're
25:59
training kids that will hopefully view work as a as a blessing one day not as a torment but as a good thing and so I
26:08
think we've got to be careful about I can't be at an
26:13
event being this i'm so sorry i've failed you i can't be at that state
26:19
championship no I haven't failed you i haven't failed you at all in that i can't be at that but I will be rooting
26:26
for you from where I'm at and I can't wait to hear about it and that's okay and our kids are going to be okay we
26:32
have not failed them in that so I do think that's a big part of the guilt we bear well and I think that was once you
26:38
know I saw that where I was like "Oh god I feel really bad i you know I'm the only parent that's first of all no
26:44
you're not there's plenty of parents that aren't there and um that my kids were fine you know
26:51
like for in kinderg Garden and it's like "Oh I couldn't make it to the Christmas party i didn't know about it in in
26:56
enough time." And they were fine and I'm like "Okay tell me about the Christmas." Even like my my clingy one that's very
27:02
much a mama's and she's fine and so I'm like "Okay well and I I would not have
27:08
enjoyed that Christmas party anyway for all the reasons I just said." And I'm like "No no no i I don't want to be there." Um now I would love to see her
27:15
happy little face and all of that but I think that too I've seen my husband said
27:21
it my sister went once and she's like "Yeah they don't even like you know the at the Christmas party there was bean
27:27
bag toss and there was decorate your cookie and there was make an ornament and so they're not even around their parent they're off doing their things."
27:34
And so then I was like "Oh now I don't feel bad at all about not missing that because I still got to ask her about it
27:40
when she got home tell me about your ornament why did you pick these colors what else did everybody else do who else
27:45
and the kids are just fine and so to me I I agree a thousand% like you you it's
27:54
normal to feel some of that guilt but again it's it's what what are you doing are you going and just going to a spa
28:00
day every day all day and that's why you're not going no you are doing something productive you're being a productive member of society and you're
28:07
teaching them those lessons too that that that I'm I'm proudly going into
28:12
work so that I can not just get paid but I can provide a service i can help
28:18
people yes and um you know even if you're the bagger at at Kroger like you
28:24
are helping people yes you're contributing to society you are making a difference in somebody's day because
28:29
they don't have to bag their own groceries like that's right so to me it's a it's a universal um you know
28:35
concept and I just think the the guilt has to go away because when you tell me about that then like where this doc is
28:42
ready to pull his hair out because half his team is missing at any given time really at the end of the day then that's
28:48
less productive time less patients you can see less patients you can help so is that then like who who's getting the pay
28:55
cut here because we're not you know are are you going to be okay with that like as a practice we are producing less
29:01
which means no raises oh you don't want that right okay it this math doesn't
29:07
work that way it's not my law it can't be both and so to me then I start going
29:14
okay I would if I was that doc I would start calling in some temps or start hiring
29:22
and when people are like oh well why are we looking for any well cuz I at any given time I have three RDAs out in a
29:29
week for hours at a time and I can't run a business like that yeah so if I can
29:34
find somebody part-time to supplement if I can find a good temp or if I can find and you know hopefully that team goes
29:41
"Oh you're talking about me." Yeah yeah i'm talking about you look at how many time off requests you've put in and I'm
29:47
a mom too i get it so but I I just can't be there for every
29:52
last thing if you need to be there for every last thing then maybe this isn't the office for you i'd hate to lose you
29:58
but I'm trying to run a business too and so it seems like you've got
30:05
other Uber driver Amazon work from home with more flexibility but if you want to
30:12
stay in this career and make this kind of money and have something beyond when your kids want you to come on these
30:18
field trips then I need you to figure that out i'm not going to tell you what to do but at at the end I've got to make
30:25
sure that I've got my needs covered too as a business owner yeah um and the
30:31
business still has to run in order that we can still have these jobs for all
30:36
these amazing women so to me it's not it's not mutually exclusive like the
30:43
practice is the bread and butter that then allows for those times that you the important things that you do need to
30:50
take off for that there's a stable practice that can afford that but if if
30:55
we're taking off every time and the culture on the team is oh we're all
31:01
working moms and we're going to be there at everything there is no practice to support that so you know I hate to use
31:08
the phrase you can't have your cake and eat it too but there is nothing wrong with being a working parent that misses
31:16
things and I think that's where it's blurred as I think back even you know 15
31:22
years ago when I started the consulting business there wasn't this like I have to be there type feeling that every you
31:29
know mom that I sat down with felt there really was more of this dividing line
31:34
that happened where it's like oh I'm at work and then if there's evening activities I'm able to be at those if
31:41
it's stuff during the day I just can't be i work and I do think co did have an impact on that because we had all this
31:47
time together we enjoyed that time together and then separating that back
31:53
out again felt like well can't I do both i I still want to be there just as much with my kid but I also still want to and
32:00
need to work and so I do think we've just continued to struggle to separate the two and I do think there's got to be
32:08
a healthy separation like there's got to be this ability i think of you as a
32:13
dentist like if you're going into work and you're still 100% connected to your
32:18
girls they're texting you throughout the day they're expecting a response they're calling you you're fielding all these
32:25
emails from teachers you're putting things on the calendars for you to be at
32:30
and at the same time trying to be 100% focused on your patients i think it's impossible i think
32:37
you are functioning 50% as a dentist and 50% as a mom not 100% as a dentist and
32:43
100% as a mom the only way that I feel like you can truly do that is to build in some barriers where it's like you
32:50
step into the office and you know what until until you know you've got a break at 11:30 for lunch you're 100% dentist
32:59
your your mind's disconnected you're not checking emails from the teacher you're not fielding phone calls from your girls
33:05
is just like "Nope I'm here i'm 100% here." And then I'll I'll catch up with them over
33:10
lunch and I can tell you now I know you're okay with that i can't tell you how many women I sit across from I tell
33:17
them that and it's like panic they're like "But they can't they can't survive without me for those four
33:22
hours." That's a problem then maybe you do need to disconnect from work so that you can be more available to them maybe
33:29
that does mean there's a period of time where you're at home and you're available to them you can't be both that
33:36
you're killing yourself you're killing yourself trying to be both and that is not healthy for you right now which is
33:42
not a service to your kids at the end of the day no when you are this ball of stress because you know either your kids
33:48
need you or you're about to get fired or you're about to get written up or whatever it is so if you can make that
33:55
decision to yes I'm going to stop working i'm going to work from home but for most of us that means less of a
34:01
income and if that's less of an income maybe then that's not we're not doing piano lessons we're not doing dance
34:06
we're not doing So did I really serve my kid by being there to answer all of their messaging throughout the day like
34:12
it just something's got to give and you've got to decide what that is but to
34:17
me I I think the point of this podcast is let that guilt go like it's it's not
34:24
productive and it's it's actually very counterproductive and it's making you crazy and
34:30
ineffective and um so if you do want to you know looking at the bigger picture for what am
34:37
I exemplifying providing showing my kids
34:42
and where am I with with you know everybody's needs and it it seems like
34:48
if you keep functioning that way you are not meeting your needs or anybody body else's so it's got to be a reframing and
34:54
a rethinking and free yourself from that freedom that's I think that's like free your mind from the the guilt but also
35:02
free your mind to view be proud of yourself whether you're
35:07
a business team member an RDA an RDH a dentist be proud of like look at you
35:14
look at you doing something good for the community be proud of that you should be
35:20
just as proud of that as you are of your mothering skills or your fathering skills like
35:26
that's we don't build ourselves enough up enough on that and you're making an impact and that is really cool that you
35:34
can be both an impact in your community and in your dental practice and you can also be as impactful as a parent as well
35:41
and so be proud of that excellent topic i think like you said this is kind of a yucky topic so we
35:47
don't talk about it um but I think it is super important and you know I guess to
35:52
me with with the sheer volumes that you like when you're saying eight out of 10 like that is ridiculous that is crazy my
35:59
heart breaks then going we've got to figure this out because it's an unhealthy situation all around
36:07
um and it and it can be turned into a win-win it really can be i and I think
36:12
it's just a matter of reframing rebuilding some boundaries and just being proud it's It's not a shame to be
36:20
a working mom it's actually really something to be proud of and if you're a
36:26
stay home mom be just as proud whatever station you pick be proud of it and and
36:32
be bold in that pride that you have over your work so um yeah hopefully this is a
36:38
good a good little reframing and happy Mother's Day to all our listeners out
36:44
there happy Mother's Day to you happy Mother's Day to you mama thanks for joining the conversation
36:50
today we hope that you are comforted in knowing that you are not alone but we
36:55
also hope that you're walking away with some really great tips and tricks to try in your practice
37:01
we value your feedback so please take a few moments to rate and review the
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37:20
as always please know that we are rooting for you today as you manage your
37:25
dental drama



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