All About Self-Love: And A Couple Meditations To Know That Self-Love Is Always

We explore self-love as a steady state instead of a prize, pairing gentle practices with clear boundaries that protect dignity. Guided affirmations, inner child work, and a “give it back” release help shift harsh self-talk into supportive strength.

• self-love as a state, not a reward
• guided I love and approve of myself affirmations
• noticing body responses and resistance
• tracing the origin of critical self-talk
• inner child visualization across good and bad days
• “giving it back” method to release dense thoughts
• refilling with new codes like I am enough
• love versus ego and the role of boundaries
• responding to calls for love without self-abandonment
• daily micro-practices to anchor kinder self-talk

Transcript

Safety Note & Cold Open

SPEAKER_01 0:00

In today's podcast, we go through a couple meditations. If you're wanting to participate in the meditation parts, make sure you're in a safe space where you can close your eyes. Do not be driving or doing anything that is going to cause distractions.

Small Talk & Gym Energy

SPEAKER_02 0:29

We're back to winter overcast in snow.

SPEAKER_01 0:32

Yeah, seriously. It's coming down harder this morning.

SPEAKER_02 0:35

Well, we enjoyed a couple of days off, so that was nice. It's still February, so there's not much you're gonna do other than jump snow. Yeah, watch Groundhog Day. It's a good movie. Yeah, so deadlifts at the gym today, just in case anybody's wondering.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

I was wondering, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:53

I love deadlifts. I love deadlifts. I love deadlifts because first of all, I don't seem to hurt myself doing deadlifts. I'd like to be a bit stiff tomorrow, but I don't hurt myself. And I'm generally, you know, I'm built to lift heavy things. And when I finish doing deadlifts, it's like I'm I'm drunk on power. Like it there's absolute truth, and I I recommend this to everybody. Lifting heavy things is good for your mind. It clears out cortisol, fills your head with all the good chemicals. Yeah, when I finish deadlifts, I'm just like a goofy, happy guy.

SPEAKER_01 1:28

That says dopamine.

SPEAKER_02 1:29

Dopamine drunk. I'm dopamine drunk when I get deadlifts, and I love it. And I walk around the gym telling everybody doesn't feel good. Doesn't it feel good?

SPEAKER_00 1:38

Everybody's dying on her.

SPEAKER_02 1:40

Yeah, I think um I think everybody likes deadlifts. There's one particular friend I'm hoping she's here today because I told her next time we do deadlifts, we have to do deadlifts as a team.

SPEAKER_01 1:48

Is that oh, I know what you're talking about. Yes, yeah, yeah, yes.

SPEAKER_02 1:52

She loves deadlifts too, so she's pretty strong. She is, yeah, very strong. Anyway, we're dodging the the question for the day.

SPEAKER_01 2:00

Yeah, we're struggling this morning.

SPEAKER_02 2:02

We're struggling this morning, and the topic is not one we're feeling strong on.

SPEAKER_01 2:07

So don't worry, everybody. We are normal.

SPEAKER_02 2:10

Wouldn't go that far. We're trying to get normal.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

Trying to be normal.

Naming The Theme: Self-Love

SPEAKER_02 2:16

The topic is self-love. Yeah, self-love. It's amazing how it affects everything else. Like right now, just start saying, everybody, just start saying I love and approve of myself. I love and approve of myself.

Guided Self-Affirmations Begin

SPEAKER_02 2:40

I love and approve of myself. Say it like you really mean it. That's that's that's the big one, right? Feel it. Feel the truth of it. Make it true. I love and approve of myself.

SPEAKER_07 3:05

I love and approve of myself. I am enough.

SPEAKER_02 3:24

Your eyes are getting wider, you're getting a smile on your face. Are you saying these things to yourself? Is it having an effect? What's the effect?

SPEAKER_01 3:35

My breathing changes a little bit. I feel a little bit relaxed. My mind stops swirling. I think because I'm focused on the words. And I think too, more and more I I really believe in this concept, idea, feeling even, the the body is listening to everything I say. And so giving it kind words is good.

SPEAKER_02 4:28

Well, I would like to think there's nothing wrong with me, but I sometimes get some resistance when I say these kinds of things to myself. What's interesting is all the little things that it's amazing, all the little grudges I can hold against myself. What I didn't do and what I didn't do well, and what I'm, you know, not being nice or not being as friendly and warm as I might be. And those little those little images and thoughts, they come to me quickly when I say things like that. But when I stay with the vibration, the feeling of the words, I start to realize, you

Resistance And Body Awareness

SPEAKER_02 5:10

know, the mind is capable of forgiving. Oh, I love and approve of myself. It's okay, you're normal. Okay, there's nothing wrong with you. You're gonna have good days, you're gonna have bad days. I love and approve of myself. You've done lots of good things. You don't need to focus on the bad things. I love and approve of myself. I can be myself. I can be who I am. I'm allowed, and there's really nothing else for me to be. I love and approve of myself.

SPEAKER_07 5:59

I'm okay.

SPEAKER_02 6:04

Yeah, I think that it's really normal to have resistance to those thoughts. Especially the way we're raised and trained. But they certainly do lighten me. And they they like you like you said, focus that for me too.

SPEAKER_07 6:26

Gets me right here, right now.

SPEAKER_02 6:33

We have any comments?

SPEAKER_01 6:35

Yeah, as I work with this, I have tears.

SPEAKER_02 6:39

Nice. We love tears. Oh, I do. I do. I think that's so like that's you're not getting tears unless you're vibrating right down to your core.

SPEAKER_01 6:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:52

Right? You're doing something really good.

SPEAKER_01 6:55

I remember someone coming into their session probably, I don't know, a couple years ago. We were still in the clinic, and she burst through the door and she said, I'm here for my crying session. It's like great. Another comment is, I've been working with forgiveness and acceptance of my errors. When I see that I'm chastising myself, I ask if I would say those things to my kids.

SPEAKER_02 7:26

That's beautiful way to think.

SPEAKER_01 7:29

And I realize I would never speak to someone I love as I speak to myself. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:35

Nice. That's the truth for most people, right?

Community Shares & Tears

SPEAKER_02 7:39

Understand that that for most of us, self-talk has been a very negative, very critical thing. And I don't think it's possible to be raised in a world and not be subject to criticism when you're little, yeah, and not feel criticized a lot when you're little, and not uh carry that with you as a personal habit. It's it's done, I don't know what it's done out of. Sometimes parents are just angry, but I think it's done out of an attempt to help you be better. Sometimes I think they want you to be better for their own purposes, our parents, but sometimes I think they want you to be better because they really want you to succeed. And they're very quick then to point out all the things you did wrong rather than the things that you did well.

SPEAKER_00 8:31

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 8:32

And then that leaves you hanging, right? That to me is the worst part of it. It leaves you hoping that next time there won't be criticism, that next time it'll be pure approval, the next time the words and and you know, if we're not going to do that for ourselves, if we're gonna use self-criticism and harsh words to ourselves,

Origins Of Critical Self-Talk

SPEAKER_02 8:55

and we're not gonna give ourselves that ultimate approval, you're doing great.

SPEAKER_06 9:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:02

You're doing great, you're getting better all the time. If we're not going to use phrases like that to ourselves, then we're just being one-sided on this, right? And so that just makes those kinds of harsh self-talk. That language is just it's just cruel. Because you, like you said, you wouldn't do it to somebody you loved, you wouldn't do it to a little one.

SPEAKER_01 9:27

And I I like to I don't know if this is a reframe. I I sort of came to the conclusion yesterday that everything's reframe, but who does that voice sound like really? Right? Who who, when you're speaking that way to yourself, does that sound like? And if you think back into your past or if you just allow, and again, you know, we're not about judging or condemning those that gave us these thoughts, but I think it's important, it's an important first step to know that maybe it's not your thought, because chances are you weren't born thinking that way. And so, you know, where did that come from? Did it come from parents, a teacher, person in authority, other kids on the schoolyard? Like, where did those thoughts come from? And so that's always a nice exercise to begin with. And just recognition that, hey, that's not actually me saying those things. It's just, I mean, think about a song that gets stuck in your head, right? You start singing it in the middle of the night when you wake up. It's really no different than a song stuck in your head, it is other people's words that come up into your mind. But the difference is those words have emotional power. A song stuck in your head doesn't usually have emotional attachment.

Observe The Voice, Not Become It

SPEAKER_01 11:10

So if you can see it, see the thought for what it is, it can be helpful to let go of that emotional power that it has over you so it can just stop replaying in your mind.

SPEAKER_02 11:25

Yeah, I think as we, you know, we we we sound somewhat repetitive, but it's it's the primary skill, I think, sometimes is being able to observe your mind and not be in your mind. Be able to step back from it and ask those kinds of questions. You know, what is this thought? Whose voice is it? Where did it come from? Observe it. You know, try to even, you know, ask yourself questions like, when was the first time I heard that? Where did that come from? You know, a lot of times it's just it's a voice that is trying to keep you in line. It's a voice that wants you to avoid criticism and punishment. Sometimes we hear it and then we adopt it for ourselves. You know, one of the interesting things that happens when we hear critical things is we start to think that being hard on ourselves is useful or the only way, or we're deserving of those harsh words. And then we take on the role ourselves, right? And then we start to think, oh, I've got to be really hard on myself if I want to be successful.

Inner Child Visualization Practice

SPEAKER_02 13:00

And so then a critical idea starts to become a complex, a system of belief about yourself, about your life, about what you need to do. And yeah, let's just do it. What's coming to me is just imagine, or just for a moment, you know, picture yourself very young. Very young, you know. Imagine yourself. My mother used to make us wear better cloaks when we went for school pictures. Yeah. Try to make sure our hair was in place. And so imagine yourself on a picture day, maybe, where you're wearing something to school or you're going somewhere special and you're wearing clothes that you like. Something, one of your favorites when you were little. Picture yourself as a little one looking good. As good as you could, as good as you ever did. Those moments when you've got dressed up. And imagine that little one is right beside you.

SPEAKER_07 14:20

Right there. Look at them.

SPEAKER_02 14:26

And right now, tell them how good they look. You look so good. You're so beautiful, you're so handsome.

SPEAKER_07 14:40

You're looking sharp today. Compliment them on their clothes. I really like your shirt. Your hair looks good.

SPEAKER_02 15:05

And then let them move into the next day. And their hair's a little bit disheveled. They're wearing their favorite play clothes, rough clothes. They might not be perfect. They might even put their shirt on themselves and buttoned it wrong. Just look at them and tell them how good they look. How proud you are of them. They got themselves dressed and they look so good and they're so happy and they've got a wonderful shine in their eyes. Tell them how much you like their smile. Now let them go into a bad day. Where they're having a bad day. They're tired. They're not doing the things they're they think they're supposed to do. They're not having success at what they're trying. See them there, maybe a tear in their eye, maybe a frustrated look on their face. Tell them I believe in you. You'll figure this out. You're smart, you're wonderful. Tell them everybody has bad days.

SPEAKER_07 16:55

Don't let it bother you. Tell them I love you no matter what.

SPEAKER_02 17:06

I don't love you because of what you do or what you wear or how you act. I love you because of who you are. I don't care what you have or what you accomplish or what you don't accomplish. I love you. Because you're here trying and being the best you can every day. Some days it doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_07 17:37

And now let them love you back.

SPEAKER_02 17:43

Open yourself to that young one and let them love you back. Notice how proud they are of what you've become. You're me.

SPEAKER_07 18:00

Look what you've done.

“Giving It Back” Release Method

SPEAKER_07 18:12

No matter what, I love you.

SPEAKER_02 18:16

Listen to him say it back. Put them on your knee and give them a hug.

SPEAKER_07 18:26

Squeeze them tight until they become part of you. I love and approve of myself. I love and approve of myself.

SPEAKER_02 18:53

Deep breath and one more. I love and approve of myself.

SPEAKER_06 19:21

That was nice. Thumbs up hearts.

SPEAKER_01 19:32

I told you last week or earlier this week or something. I couldn't stop thinking about a I've I've got a picture somewhere in an album of my photo day or uh whatever it's called. And I I had just got back from Salt Spring Island in BC. And when I went out to Salt Spring Island, I fell in love with orcas. Like that was my, you know how when you were a kid, you had like, I've got an animal and I'm gonna love this animal. It's gonna be my favorite animal for however long. And so I had this really big oversized t-shirt that I got from Salt Spring Island with orcas on it. And I had a braid in my hair that I had done at a market there, and I was just feeling so expensive. And I had these like basically pajama pants, pink pajama pants and runners, and I put on this oversized t-shirt and had long braids. I had long, long hair there, long bird, two long braids, and and this orchid shirt, but I I added to it by adding like just a random belt halfway through the shirt.

SPEAKER_00 21:01

And uh anyway, I just remembered that version of myself. Maybe grade five or something, grade four. But yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:14

One time in the chat, I instinctively get uh instinctively giving myself a self-hug. Makes me want to cry. Love and kindness beautiful. Such great self-expression, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 21:39

Yep, random belts.

SPEAKER_02 21:48

I think that it's worth going back. You know, we do it a lot, you know. Well when we regress people simply because. They have this resistance to caring about themselves, that they have this predisposed inclination to be really self-critical, really self self-deprecating, almost to the point of cruelty. And I think that when we regress back to where it begins, I think there's a time when we accept it. There's a time when we a moment when we go from being, I'm going to use the word subject, being subject to that kind of treatment. That it's not coming from us, but it's coming from others. And, you know, famously, you know, it's often a teacher. It's our parents, for sure. But it's often a teacher as well. It sort of locks it in. It's important to go back to that moment because when it gets locked in, it becomes ours. And we start doing it to ourselves. And so I think there's real value. We do that in

Love As A State, Not Reward

SPEAKER_02 23:20

regression. I think you can do that for yourself. You know, when did I think it was okay for me to think this way? When did it suddenly become okay to be hard on myself? Who did I get this from? And as we would in regression, you know, you don't have to be in a deep state of hypnosis. You can just do it and see how it feels. But this is where we'd use uh Hillary's famous giving it back.

SPEAKER_01 24:00

Yeah. Yeah. So it's you you notice what you're holding on to, what words or emotion attached to those words that you're holding on to. And you notice where they are in the body. Thoughts, you know, I I don't know what the reality of it is, but what is reality really? But I feel like thoughts compounded over time create dense energy storms.

SPEAKER_02 24:41

Thought forms.

SPEAKER_01 24:42

Yeah, thought forms. And those dense thought forms, you can feel them in the body when you think about it. When you think about I'm not enough, or I'm not doing enough, or I'm not worthy of doing that, or whatever the thought is. I'm not lovable in relation to today's podcast. And if that holds density in the body, you'll feel it. You'll know where it is when you say it. And so I have clients take that thought out of the body and just throw it out there in front of them. And not, I mean, some clients like to grasp it and throw it like a baseball and you know get rid of it. But be gentle as you're doing this, just taking it out gently, give yourself time. Because sometimes it can be a little sticky. And so you're taking it out and putting it out there in front of you. And then when you get a sense that it's all out there in front of you, or at least most of it, just thinking to yourself, who give the who gave this to me? And not with judgment or condemnation or anything. Just who who made me feel this way? Because I wasn't born thinking this, right? You weren't born with that energy in there. So just allow whoever to come to mind. Sometimes it's really obvious for people. Sometimes they go, Oh, I can't that's interesting. I didn't think that person gave that to me. But the subconscious mind knows it, it remembers, and so just go with it. There's no harm in just going with it. So then you just give whatever you notice out there in front of you. Maybe it looks like a pile of bricks or a blob or oil or it can look like anything. Chains. And you just hand it back to that person or people. You don't think about if it's more than one person, you don't think about how much they're taking or if they've got it all. You just let it just split amongst everybody, and you tell them this was never mine. I'm not hanging on to this any longer. I was too young to understand when I took this on. I would never take this on now. And if you want to, it's a nice addition to this, and it sort of caps it off, is telling them, you can give this back to whoever made you feel this way.

Responding To Calls For Love

SPEAKER_01 28:00

And so it's then passed back. Some people get a sense that it's passed back all the way back until it just disappears. And some people say, Oh, well, they're just walking off of it. That's fine too. There's no there's no right or wrong, good or bad here. You're just moving through the motions of letting whatever this thought form inside of you go. And then letting all of that disappear, the people, the thought form, it's gone. And just allowing maybe like this beautiful light, source light, waterfall of light come down through the top of your head, down through the body, and fill up that space where that thought form was taking up residency. And just filling up the body, overflowing the body, like you're, you know, filling up a glass of water with crystal clear water, and you just let it overflow. And taking in a nice deep breath afterwards. And then I like to, I've sort of started doing this, is what as the light is coming down and flowing through you, moving into that space, attach a code of information to that light. I am enough, I am lovable, whatever you want, whatever the opposite is of what you were feeling before, maybe. And so let that light be sort of coded with that new information, with that new feeling, and just see how that feels.

SPEAKER_06 29:52

That's it. And then you're perfect. No, I'm just kidding. But you feel better.

SPEAKER_02 30:00

You know, one of the things that it's a reframe. And one of the one of the problems with self-love, I think, is that it's it's love, and we we we could we could do a hundred podcasts on love, and we still probably wouldn't get to the essence of the matter. We would talk around it. Love is an interesting concept, and I think something that we learn very, very young. And yeah, I feel like you know, I'm starting to unlearn this one. Love is not a reward. A lot of us experience love as a reward. If I did something right, I felt loved. If I gave a nice gift, I felt loved. If I succeeded at something, I felt loved. We're out there striving and and and working hard as a kid trying to earn our parents' love,

Boundaries, Safety, And Distance

SPEAKER_02 31:16

often not realizing, not experiencing that the love was there. It just was trapped behind our parents' striving and our parents' yearning for us to achieve, to be, to become. Love is not a reward. It's not something we give because somebody makes us happy. Love is not a response to something else. If you can imagine it, love is a state of being. It's a way of being. That really forces us to expand what we mean when we say love. One that most of my clients my clients get in the first couple of sessions is the idea that self-love is always. Breathing is always. You don't say I'm gonna read a book and stop breathing. You don't say I'm gonna have dinner and stop breathing.

SPEAKER_01 32:38

Maybe I do it.

SPEAKER_02 32:42

I eat quickly. You don't say I'm going for a walk and stop breathing. Breathing is always it's part of everything. And that's the way to see self-love. Self-love is always, it's part of everything. And that kind of love is accepting, that kind of love is forgiving, that kind of love doesn't have expectations and it's not a reward. It's not a if you're good, you get. It's a state of being. And these are big ideas, and it's really okay if when I say this kind of stuff, you say, what the hell is he talking about? Right? It's really okay because this is this is really unusual thinking. If you happen to have been raised in a world where you understand this, that's wonderful. Share it, please. There's a real shortage of it. We have a real program in our world that says you don't deserve anything unless you earn it.

SPEAKER_06 33:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:00

Anything. And that's just not so. That's that's people just trying to control you, trying to control your behavior, trying to get you to do what they need you to do. That's the truth of it. The truth of it is that even when our parents so mistakenly used love as a reward for good behavior, right? That was just them trying to control us. God knows I didn't make my parents' life easy. But it was a reward and it shouldn't be. Self-love is always. Even if somebody else isn't loving you, even if somebody else is criticizing you. Now, if you can get to the place where love is a state of being and self-love is always, then you start to see the world differently. You we all have moments. We all have moments where we're gifted with a sense of bliss, a sense of peace. It's in those moments that when

Self-Love Versus Ego

SPEAKER_02 35:20

we look around and we see others' behaviors, we can consider this idea. You can see that your parents, when they were critical, were themselves in badly need of love. They were feeling unloved and couldn't generate that feeling for themselves. When we look around the world and people act badly, they're not feeling loved, they're feeling alone, they're feeling afraid, they're feeling confused and angry, they're not feeling love. And so whether someone is addressing you with love, or they're addressing you with a call for love, their need for love, the only response is love. And that helps you to vibrate

Daily Practice & Closing

SPEAKER_02 36:45

there. That helps you to allow the love that you have for yourself, your acceptance of yourself, all your foibles and idiosyncrasies and the things that make you uniquely you that some people love and some people don't love. If you love them, and then you carry that with you, then you start to see that life is just a bunch of expressions of love or calls for love.

SPEAKER_01 37:22

And I think uh it's important to note here that some, you know, some calls for love. Well, I guess all calls for love don't mean that you have to be in charge of giving them love, right? If someone is being mean to you, yes, they're from a childhood perspective, they are hurting, right? They have grown up and become this person that is constantly calling for love, but it's in a negative way, a really negative way. And it's really not up to you to figure that out for them.

unknown 38:13

Nope.

SPEAKER_02 38:17

Yeah, love doesn't require that you do anything. That's the interesting thing about it, right? I mean, we're really talking about love now in a big way. And uh and this is a reframe I've used with some clients that has made a world of difference for them. You know, love doesn't require that you do anything. Someone is acting in a way that is just unacceptable. You're allowed to walk away. Yeah, you're you're always allowed to take care of yourself because self-love is always anything that would require you to not fully love yourself is unacceptable. There is no reason ever to not fully love yourself. And if somebody else's behaviors or demands are such that you have to not fully love yourself for them to be happy, that's not a healthy place. Get the hell out of there. Yeah, that's just not a healthy place. And if you can recognize that, that this is I have to compromise myself for you to be happy, things need to change. And when you walk away, when you leave those circumstances, you can still be loving no matter how fast you're running away, no matter how quick you are to put up the barrier and say no. Right? There's love doesn't require anything. You can love people from a distance, a healthy distance, a safe distance. You can send love from a long way away. You can wish them well with not needing to be part of their lives.

SPEAKER_06 40:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:17

To me, that's a whole topic, you know. It depends on how we were all raised. Some of us were raised in particular backgrounds that you know the word sacrifice was important. And that sacrifice is a gift of love. And I don't think so. But that's just my opinion. We'll talk about that another day, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 40:44

And a lot of people feel selfish if they love themselves.

SPEAKER_04 40:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:48

Right? Yeah. Like, what do you think you are? Uh, all that in a bag of chips, kind of idea, you know. And I think it's important to know that when we create boundaries so that we can work on ourselves and and apply that self-love idea and feeling and knowing, it doesn't mean that suddenly you're a bad person walking down the street yelling at people like me, you know. It's it means you're taking care of yourself, right? It means that your energy is going to grow and your appreciation for yourself is going to grow and your self-love is going to grow. And when we tap into that self-love and we tap into the boundaries, we actually over time, over you know, experiencing that self-love and growing that self-love, we have more space to help or hold others, but it's not everybody, it's very much chosen by you. Does that make sense? So, like instead of trying to help everybody or being people pleasers, people call, or a born mat, you know, don't let people walk on you all over you. By having those boundaries, you you allow yourself the safe, comfortable, loving space that where you can hold people that you want to hold. Not everybody.

SPEAKER_06 42:53

And that's okay that it's not everybody.

SPEAKER_02 43:04

We've learned a lot of unhelpful lessons about love.

SPEAKER_05 43:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:11

We have lived in a world that is confusing when it comes to ideas of love. And it's not about being right or wrong, it's about finding, it's about being open to finding ways of thinking that are helpful and healthy and make us stronger and more peaceful. And you know, I I you're hard pressed to find somebody that you think really knows a lot about love and is someone to emulate. So it's a it's a personal struggle that you're gonna have. You know, embrace the idea that self-love is always and yeah, spend your spend your day trying to whenever you remember trying to remind yourself I love and appreciate myself.

SPEAKER_06 44:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:28

Excuse me in the chat here before we go, it's it's we get ego mixed up with self-love and feel that it's vanity. But I think that all love comes from self-love first.

SPEAKER_02 44:44

That's uh that's beautiful. That's uh a lovely concise way of saying that.

SPEAKER_07 44:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:00

I love and appreciate myself. I'm gonna try that today while I'm doing my deadlifts. See how that goes.

SPEAKER_01 45:08

Yeah. All right, everyone. Thanks for hanging out. And yeah, it's about learning differently. We're constantly learning differently, right? We're adding to our our mind and we're we're reframing life. Learning different ways of thinking, different ways of feeling.

SPEAKER_02 45:38

Yeah, the mind is a wonderful tool when we learn to use it well.

SPEAKER_01 45:43

Yes. All right, have a great weekend, too. Love and appreciate you all too, and we will see you later.