The Need For Approval: Part 3

SELF LOVE Meditation: 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Tjt3DfmhVmNyfIQzU68dnIfQKKk78Riv/view?usp=sharing

We follow a near-death experience story to a surprising takeaway: being your authentic self matters more than chasing love or applause. We unpack how approval seeking shapes what we think, say, and do, then map practical ways to build self worth from the inside out. 
• noticing how rules and checklists train people pleasing 
• seeing masks and “hats” as approval strategies 
• linking approval to self worth and self talk 
• defining self love as boundaries, trust, and self forgiveness 
• using hypnosis and timeline work to dissolve “not good enough” moments 
• borrowing the NDE “life review” lens to reframe the past 
• practicing awareness as the self behind the mind 
I'm gonna attach a self-love meditation that I made to this podcast. So you can click below wherever you're listening and see that. Go there and listen. 

Transcript

A Dark Morning And A Theme

SPEAKER_00 0:10

We are on the line.

SPEAKER_01 0:13

A groggy, cloudy morning. It's totally overcast. There's almost no light. Very dark. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

Feels like winter.

SPEAKER_01 0:22

Compared to yesterday. It's shocking how little light we have today.

SPEAKER_00 0:27

Yeah. Thick clouds.

SPEAKER_01 0:29

Yeah. And rain. That's okay. We've had a few days without rain. And the grass is certainly responding. And the little baby goslings are probably loving it.

SPEAKER_00 0:41

Yes. I guess it stirs up stuff for them to eat, maybe.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

Maybe.

SPEAKER_00 0:47

Maybe. Just making stuff up, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:51

It's just uh part of the cycle.

SPEAKER_00 0:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:55

Yeah. Just like sleep is part of living. I sleep would feel good right now.

SPEAKER_00 1:04

It's one of those mornings where you just don't want to get out of bed.

NDE Story Points To Authenticity

SPEAKER_01 1:10

So here we are on our third day talking about approval. And last night we were watching an NDE video. You might want to put it in the notes.

SPEAKER_02 1:23

That was a good video.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

Yeah. Well, it was a very interesting character who had died. And the when they tell these stories, the the first thing they talk about is the way they died.

SPEAKER_03 1:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:37

And that's always gross and gory and engaging. Yeah. And then they tell their story of what they what they discovered. And I guess what I love about his story was it was very, very much a relationship with his guide.

SPEAKER_00 1:57

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:58

He was met by his guide, his primary guide.

SPEAKER_00 2:02

Drake.

SPEAKER_01 2:03

Drake, he called him. Anyway, it's a really worth worthwhile video, but the we get to the the important part why we're referring to it. Is that this guide, Drake, was telling this person, what was his name?

SPEAKER_00 2:18

Vincent.

SPEAKER_01 2:19

I think Drake was telling Vincent, you know, what's important in this, in this life, in living this life. And Vincent tells a story. He said, you know, I said, well, I know this, love. And the guide said, I I love that you think that, but no.

SPEAKER_02 2:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:44

And he said, the most important thing is being your authentic self. And for me, I immediately think about the last few weeks of podcasts and the topics we've had.

SPEAKER_03 2:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:56

The idea of rules, right? The idea of what do you want and your real desires, right? What you want to do, what you want to be, what you want to have, and approval, you know, that we're talking about now, the the need we have, the way we're shaped, and how our behavior becomes this constant quest for approval.

SPEAKER_00 3:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:23

And it's just so interesting that then what is given to us, and you can call it coincidence. And I just I just don't believe in that anymore. I believe that it was presented to us at a time because I think we're being led. I mean, I'm learning a lot from our topics. I don't know about you.

SPEAKER_00 3:43

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 3:49

I love your in-depth analysis. I am talk about that for a second, would you?

SPEAKER_00 4:01

I I think what I'm learning is as I look back on my life, I'm being called to points in it where I searched for approval. And then there's kind of different segments of your life that you're searching for approval in different ways. You know,

Masks We Wear For Approval

SPEAKER_00 4:20

searching from searching for approval in high school is very different than searching for approval, I don't know, in your 30s or something. Or even after high school. So yeah, I think what I what's happening is I'm learning a lot about myself. Which is which is good.

SPEAKER_01 4:41

That's the part I was getting.

SPEAKER_00 4:42

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And seeing and he mentioned it on the on the uh podcast on YouTube last night, uh Vincent did is how we wear masks in all different situations, right? I I tend to call them hats, but same thing, right? Like we put on a hat for this person, we put on a mask for that person. Two are interchangeable. So what I'm looking back at now is, you know, what are these hats of or masks or whatever for approval? Because it really ties into, like we said this morning before turning on the podcast, like it does tie into authentic self. If we're searching for approval, we're we're probably not being authentic, I would say. So then I started wondering, like, sorry, uh, so then I started wondering, like, well, who am I? Like, what is my authentic self? Do I even know? And so how can I start that process?

SPEAKER_01 5:46

Yeah, and that's the way I see these last few weeks of podcasts. I feel like we've been led to talk about things, prompts from outside ourselves to talk about things that are exposing to me the depth and breadth of our programming being led away from that real goal that we don't even realize is the goal. Right? Just like Vincent, oh, it's love. No, it's not love, it's authenticity. Being your true self, being your I'm not even sure if I know how to define that yet.

SPEAKER_00 6:25

Authentic? Authenticity. Well, I I bought his book afterwards, so I just bought it before the podcast.

SPEAKER_01 6:34

Make sure we'll put that in the box that we move. No, it's on it's on online. Oh, good. Sorry. I'm I'm in the garage all day long trying to say which books I keep. I'm a real book hound. And I'm like, I've got these books. I think, okay, well, I can give these ones away, and that's kind of good because I'm giving them to somebody I love. But how do I get rid of these ones that were, you know, important to me, but nobody's gonna want, and no bookstore wants them, and no secondhand store wants them. But I love these books and I can't give them up. Anyway, I just I'm in the midst of that struggle.

SPEAKER_00 7:14

But anyway, as Hillarisa, they're buying more Amazon packages. That was my immediate reaction.

SPEAKER_01 7:20

Oh, good, more books. And the worst part is I'll probably like it and then I'll want to keep it. Oh, sorry.

SPEAKER_00 7:31

Oh myway.

SPEAKER_01 7:33

That's yeah, spending time, I guess I really feel like it. We've been sort of led. You know, it was Barb's idea to talk about those little silly human rules, and that led us down some really interesting paths and and examining the rules we live by and and questioning if they're truly ours, and you know, who does it serve and what rules are good? And then Brian brings us, you know, what are my desires? Can I have genuine desires? What would be a genuine desire?

SPEAKER_03 8:06

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01 8:08

And then I don't know how we got to the concept of approval. Well, I think that was mine, really. Yeah, I think that came to me through my guides. But yeah, I can only be honest, right? Or I should only be honest.

SPEAKER_00 8:20

Um you should be your authentic self.

SPEAKER_01 8:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:23

Honest.

SPEAKER_01 8:23

I mean, the last six months have been filled with challenges and growth and awareness for me.

Rules And Checklists That Shape Us

SPEAKER_01 8:34

I don't feel like the same guy I was six months ago. And I don't approach my life in the same way that I did six months ago. And I think we reach a point. First, I think we reach a point of sufficient suffering where we say something's got to change. Uh, there's got to be a better way. And I think we reach a point of exploring where we start to see a whole bunch of information that we realize if I don't start implementing what I'm learning, I'm really not learning it.

SPEAKER_00 9:06

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01 9:07

And then we reach a point where we say to ourselves, well, you know, why am I here? What what what is the truth about me? And for me, the discovery that I'm not alone, that I'm part of a team, that we're navigating all of this together, that I'm the point of the spear, but I'm not the whole of the spear. And, you know, engaging in a daily practice of connecting and conversing and having that really evolve to a place where uh I'm gonna say that my guides aren't afraid to be confrontational or I don't like the word manipulative, but a little bit. And so we move through that and then we find ourselves more open to guidance, to outside forces, to coincidence, to signs, to hints that might lead us in new directions and a willingness to engage in new directions and try new things and meet new people. And all of this has been going on in our lives for the last six months, and it's been especially noticeable to me. And then we move through this collection of podcasts, podcast ideas that really point us at the idea of authenticity, and that we start to challenge our silly human rules and we start to examine for ourselves what are our desires, what's my desire, what's the mechanism inside me that's driving me forward into things that that interest me, that that compel me, having the experience of doing some writing really intently, really deliberately, feeling called to do more writing, and then having a positive experience of doing writing, and at the same time talking about what do I really want, what do I desire, what do I want out of my life, what do I want out of my world? And then, you know, seeing the mechanism inside myself of approval, you know, how other people shape me, how the world, and and I'll use that term because I think it's a good term. The world, it's uh it's filled with wonderful, innocent, hardworking, scared people who want to do what's right.

SPEAKER_03 11:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:39

And they're being led to believe that being who they truly are is not what they're meant to be. They're being led to believe that living a life of freedom and creativity within a system of synchronicities that are going to take you where you're gonna go, willingly, with the awareness that you're always safe, is just not allowed in this world. In this world, there's a checklist, and the checklist is long and detailed, and you don't get to check on the basis of your own acceptance. Other people have to tell you, look at you, look what you've accomplished, look what you're doing, you're living the perfect life, you're doing wonderful things, and other people give you the reasons for you to say to yourself, oh yeah, I'm doing well. And the problem is you wake up in the morning and you look in the mirror and you don't feel like you're doing well, and you don't feel like you're being who you are, and you don't feel like your life is moving in that direction. And we're living in a world that's now in chaos where because we're watching people try to control other people. We're watching force, right? Real violence, real anger, real manipulation, and we're watching people sacrificed for it, the lives of people, the the health of people, the the mental health of people is being sacrificed for dynamics that are much bigger. Um, that most people would just simply say, I don't understand why. Right? We've watched the news so often, people saying, you know, I don't I don't like that we're in a war, but you know what? It's it's beyond my my pay level. It's I don't understand these things. And you know, it you really can, and you really do, and it's not nearly as noble and as well thought out as they want you to believe. And there you are, right, living in this absolute chaos, not being yourself, constantly at the whims of other people's approval, letting your behavior get shaped by somebody else's beliefs that were handed on to them. You know, I I just I I am served by just being able to see the truth of that. Right. This is not about blame. This is not about who can I attack who did this to me, who can I I blame for the state that I'm in? It's that inherently many, many, many, many people around the world are going through this experience of what the hell? Like, what's going on? What's going on for me? What's going on for my world? What's going on in my life? Like, what the heck is happening here? And people are wanting to just understand. And I feel like that's part of what we're doing here, what we've been led to do here, not even with intention, just by following the prompts that have come along our way and following people's questions. We've created this little package that that sort of says recognize the rules that are keeping you from being yourself. Recognize the way you let other people's approval determine what you do and don't do, and how you do it, and if you do it. Recognize how inside you, somewhere, there are real desires. There's a real being, beautiful, creative, and curious being that wants to get out there and live in the world and is afraid, so deeply, deeply afraid of stepping away from the rules, from not getting other people's approval and love, from not feeling like they know who they really are and what they really are and what they really want. And and sorry for for the babble, but I I just I'm not trying to say the world is bad, people are bad, things are bad, let's have a revolution. I'm trying to say that if there was a revolution, it would be inside you. If there was a battle to fight, it would be inside you. If there was a mechanism that needs to be addressed, it's in your mind and it's in your programming, and it's in the way you don't love yourself, and that you think loving yourself has to flow from some behavior, some action, some thing you do that other people decide whether or not it's good enough.

Self Love Beyond Simple Rituals

SPEAKER_00 16:42

Yeah. Yeah, I think uh I think about what they call they call what they I don't know what people tend to call self-love activities, right? What do you do for self-love? Oh, I take a bubble bath. Oh, that's nice. Right. Like that's nice. It's a start, it's a physical activity that you're doing for yourself. Some people feel like they can't take a bubble bath. There's too much to do, you know. I I can't do that for myself. I gotta take care of others. And so that's a great start, but it's so much deeper than that. You know, it's about having boundaries, it's about yeah, boundaries come to mind. It's about feeling good about yourself, it's about trusting yourself. It really, I mean, of course, it's in the word self-love, but it really is about the self, but the internal self. And as I'm just hashing this out, as I'm saying internal, my mind immediately goes to well, your mind and who you are and everything is so much more than internal. You are tapping into the greater consciousness. And I think the self-love that you're pulling from the greater consciousness is the act of going into the greater consciousness and pulling that to you. And it's not that you have to go out there and look and look and find and grasp and pull down to you, but that you are already that. So tapping in, a good first, you know, I don't know, thing to do to start that self-love that ultimately leads to self-approval and authenticity, is getting in touch with that that greater consciousness.

SPEAKER_01 18:43

And I think it's no coincidence that that has been a quest for both of us personally. And it has been one of the biggest themes in the school right now. Right? A podcast uh, you know, sits with the school, and the school sits with the podcast, and it's all part of the things we're called to do, to help people discover their minds and go from being a victim of their mind to being the master of their mind. And that's really sort of the larger thrust. And and in doing that, what will naturally occur is that you will you will connect. And we've spent a lot of time teaching others how to connect, teaching ourselves how to connect better. It's been, yeah, like I said, it's been a year of just discovery for me. It's to the point now where you know, I've got volumes of journals filled with things that a lot of it was just for me, right? It was just how to help me, how to get me moving, how to get me more aligned with my truest force. But tons of it is so insightful about how the world works. And I've been thinking about just sort of pulling little pieces out of it and putting it out there. The point is, is that that's another theme in what where we've been let to the to this point. Like it to recognize, to feel like I'm I'm I'm I'm buzzing here because it's like, holy crap, this was all just this was all meant to fit together. This is like a puzzle. It's like a whole series of events. Like, holy crap, like this wasn't all accidents and me just trying to navigate my way through the neighborhood. This was like, holy cow, there's a purpose in all these little pieces of big things.

SPEAKER_00 20:40

It's like you planned your life.

SPEAKER_01 20:42

Almost. Anyway, uh uh if the coincidence doesn't ring with you, that's okay. If the value of what we talk about does, then that's that's the good part. So we're back to trying to finish off this idea of approval.

Self Worth Without External Validation

SPEAKER_01 21:00

And I think what we haven't talked about when it comes to our pursuit of approval is maybe a deeper connection between approval and self-worth, and then how you might generate that for yourself rather than be reliant on others. How do you find in yourself a sufficient love of yourself, for yourself, an appreciation of who you are, a discovery of who you are, and be in a place where other people's approval and more importantly, disapproval is not what shapes your behavior. Behavior being anything you say or do. Think, say, or do. That's what people do, right? People are thinking things, they're they're communicating things, saying things, and they're doing things. And that's that that that's the three categories of Active life, right? And what we think, say, or do is shaped by our pursuit of approval. And it gets manipulated by our pursuit of approval. We've been trained into seeking approval. We've been trained into thinking what we do determines our worth when it's really just how we learned. When we do things, we might be good at it. Well, that means we know. And if we do things and it doesn't turn out the way we want it, then we're learning. And we just learn something. And if we try enough times, we're going to be really good at this. And so I guess I'm going to ask you, you got a client, they're sitting in their chair, in your chair. They don't think of themselves as very worthwhile. They have a hard time feeling good about themselves. And so they find themselves constantly trying to please others. And they have come to the place where they've recognized that they're a people pleaser and that they don't see the value in themselves. They think that the value in themselves is contingent on doing and being certain things.

SPEAKER_00 23:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:26

Where do you go?

SPEAKER_00 23:29

For most of my clients, because of who I attract, I take them to the life between and into their soul essence, their soul body. And then I have them project their consciousness outside of their soul body and look back at themselves. And then they're perfect from there on. I'm just kidding.

SPEAKER_01 23:49

I fixed them.

SPEAKER_00 23:54

No, not really. But that helps. That's a that's a beginning. Because when they look back at themselves, usually there's crying involved, usually there's like an awe, an awe moment of, oh my gosh, like that's who I am. And I'm big and I'm bright, and maybe there's color, and or you know, sometimes they're they're a being, they look like another type of being. And they just see their they they remember who they are. And it's in that remembrance that the shift starts.

SPEAKER_01 24:34

Yeah, I I try to cast off the past. The the process of getting to the place where you are scrambling to try to feel good about yourself, to try to please other people, to find the thing that you can do that will make you worthwhile. People search for that moment, the moment somebody's gonna come and make me feel. I'm gonna get the perfect relationship and it's gonna make me feel complete. I'm gonna get the perfect job and it's gonna make me feel complete. I'm gonna buy the right house, I'm gonna have the right car, I'm gonna, you know, wear the right clothes. There's all these external things they're striving for so that they could say, I'm good enough now. And for me, the first part is just that conversation that says, let's acknowledge that you've been trained to think that way, and that that's not the way you should think. And that usually that usually says, Oh, well, what should I think? Right? And that's when I do two steps. The first step is I get them to think of somebody, usually a little one in their life, that they love completely, and that some of the favorite moments is watching them do silly things, watching that little one experiment and live, watching that little one that there's nothing they can do, even when they do things that aren't very nice and they're just they're just being, you know.

SPEAKER_02 26:08

Authentic.

SPEAKER_01 26:09

Yeah, just be in trouble sometimes. How, in spite of the things they do, they have just such a deep love for them.

SPEAKER_00 26:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:20

And, you know, that usually results in some tears. And then we will go from there into trance, and we will take that feeling of I'm not good enough, I can't be enough, and we project it into a color and we throw it up on their timeline. And they look at their timeline and they see all the spots where they didn't feel good enough. And then they go back and back until they go early enough in their lifetime, this lifetime, where they see those dots aren't there, those colors aren't there. That they actually did appreciate and love themselves and saw the worth of themselves and loved themselves the way they love that little one in their life that can do no wrong, that anything can be forgiven, that you see the innocence inside, and all of the expressions are just innocent accidents, innocent mistakes. And I take them back to that moment and I let them just be there with that version of themselves. I usually end up having them talk to each other.

SPEAKER_03 27:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:33

You know, ask that that earliest version of yourself, what have you forgotten? Ask that earliest version of self, what do you need to remember? Ask that earliest version of yourself what you need to know. And then that earliest version of themselves uh gets reincorporated into them.

unknown 27:52

Right?

SPEAKER_01 27:53

They they bind together. And then together they wash away all those spots on the timeline. They see the lie of all those spots on the timeline where they thought they weren't good enough, how they could never be anything but good enough. But all of those things were just things they did, things they thought. Yeah, they were mistakes, but they were to learn from them and move through them and realize that the lesson they were meant to learn from all of them in part was always I'm good enough, I'm allowed to make mistakes, I'm getting better and better all the time. I'm becoming who I want to be, and I'm allowed to. And then watch those spots start to dissipate. And then I would bring them forward to the present moment and then see the spots in their future and allow their love for themselves to cause those spots to dissipate and disappear, so that now the future can be moved through with a level of self-love.

SPEAKER_00 28:54

Just to interject what's coming to mind, I'm gonna attach a self-love meditation that I made to this podcast. So you can click below wherever you're listening and see that. Go there and listen. Just so you have something like we're we're explaining what we would do with clients, and and you know, it's easier when you're listening to something to try to do it for yourself, you know, if you need some help with it.

SPEAKER_01 29:18

Yeah. Now I don't want to to jinx all that, but you know, typically it doesn't like it doesn't suddenly make everything perfect. It's a journey, but it's an incredible what they experience is a huge release, a huge shift in the way they see themselves, yeah, an openness to seeing themselves as innocent and good and allowed to be themselves. Yeah, they start to become more self-forgiving, more self-relieving. And then, of course, that often leads to what you described, which you know, for me, working with clients, the life between lives is always sort of a later therapeutic step and less of an immediate going. You work with people who are already open to that. I'll work with people who come in and say, this is all woo-woo, but I'm here because my wife wants me to be here. So right. And and so uh I get clients that are not predisposed to woo-woo, who are not who who will actually have been raised to believe that a man is supposed to be angry, that a man is supposed to be hard, that the best way to get people to do the right things is to be really hard on them, because that's the way they were raised. And that's that's the result of that, is we're out there seeking approval, seeking appreciation, working our butts off for other people, feeling unappreciated, having emotions that we deny, and then letting anger come to the forefront. And then ultimately, I think there's there's what's good for everybody, I think, ultimately, is to end up in the life between lives. I think understanding the greater nature of yourself.

SPEAKER_03 31:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:16

That's to me one of the beautiful things about hypnosis, and and it's I think one of the great tools of hypnosis is that you know, woo-woo is real. You are more than this body, and hypnosis is a great tool for you to see that, for you to recognize it, for you to discover it for yourself, not because somebody tells you, because you go into your mind and you discover the truth that truth, that that essence of your being. And that's why I yeah, I believe that whatever crap you're dealing with in this world, whatever pain you're suffering through, hypnosis will eventually guide you through self-acceptance and a greater awareness of who and what you are, which then just changes the way you interpret everything that's going on.

SPEAKER_00 32:08

Yeah. Yeah.

Hypnosis As A Living Life Review

SPEAKER_00 32:10

I think it's I think it's helpful. I think it makes me think about what I was talking about the other day, where to you off the podcast, about how what hypnosis is doing for people is it's kind of giving you oh my gosh. So when you when you go through a an NDE, okay, there's a stop very close to the beginning. An NDE for anyone who's wondering what the heck is it, is when somebody basically dies. And some people, many people come back. The guy last night, I think he was he was dead for about an hour, and he came back, obviously. But many called and then a coma for three days. But along the way, in in most all NDEs, there is what they call a life review. And during the life review, I haven't heard it otherwise. Uh I'm sure there is other descriptions for it by people, but when they're there with their guides, they're watching their life from the moment they're born, as if they're there's a camera up in the corner of the room, from the moment they're born until the day that they pass, very fast. And they experience life from their perspective as they're the human body that they took on, and on top of that, the perspective of the person that they're interacting with, right? So you can imagine you're, you know, maybe you you accidentally hurt somebody or you did hurt somebody on purpose, or you're gonna feel it all. And it's not that you're being judged in those moments, you are just looking at it with new eyes. You're looking at it with a fresh perspective, you're looking at it with the wisdom of your soul and seeing it for what it is. Now, in hypnosis, what I recognized the other day, and I sort of recognized this before, is we're doing the same sort of thing. Where it's almost like this pre uh what would you call it less, like a pre um pre-experience of life review. I don't know. Um as we're going through your life. I mean, we're not hitting everything like they do in the life, life review at the end, but we're looking at all these kind of moments, and we're looking at it from a new perspective, from a wisdom perspective, from you know, well, what was that person going through to make them do that? And how might we look at this differently? And what kind of wisdom is there to apply to this old event so that you can move forward from it and let it go. Anyway, I don't know why I brought that up, but I thought it was kind of interesting.

SPEAKER_02 35:17

So did I.

SPEAKER_01 35:21

You know, I think that where we come back, and one of the most common, powerful ways of changing your life is to accept one really, really subtle shift. And that is that you are not your mind, you are the awareness behind the mind. You can think about how you think. If you were those thoughts, you wouldn't be able to think about how you think. You would be those thoughts. You are not those thoughts, you are the awareness behind that, observing the thoughts. And that's the powerful position to be in. That's the position of your highest self. Yeah. Observing your mind, observing yourself. So there's magic in that. There's magic in that because that now puts you in the driver's seat. That now puts you up behind the controls. You can, if you can observe your anger, you can you you go from I am angry to I have anger. If you can, if you can go from I am sad to oh, there's sadness here. If you can go from I am frustrated to there's frustration in me, if you can go to those places, now you're in a position to do something about it. So what we've talked about is the process through which you get programmed to think that your value is connected to what you do, and that value gets determined by others, and that it varies from time to time. And none of that is true. Your value is not about what you do, your value does not get determined by others, and your value cannot vary. And when you can step back and observe that and see the truth of that, because you could probably see the truth of that in a little one that you love completely. You could see the truth of that in them. If it's true for them, it's true for everyone, and certainly true for you. And if you could step back and then you could start to recognize the times when you need approval. Ah, there's a yearning here, there's a desire to have someone tell me I'm okay, someone tell me I'm lovable. There's desire to have someone tell me I'm doing things right.

SPEAKER_03 37:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:49

If you can observe that, you're in a position to do something about it. If you can observe how you discipline yourself, some of us were trained to be very, very hard on ourselves and talk very harshly to ourselves. If you can observe your self-talk, if you can observe your methods of disciplining yourself and controlling your behavior, if you can step back from that, those are the magic moments where you can start to see ah, and see that as a program. It's a program, and then see yourself as that little one. See yourself as the little one who's making their way through the world, trying to discover how to be themselves within this physical, crazy world. Now you're in a place of observing, not a place of submerging, right? Being completely within it, completely surrounded by it, completely in it, without any sense of what it is. You got to get outside the box to be able to understand the box. So there's the beginning of the process.

Observe The Program Then Change It

SPEAKER_01 39:03

The beginning of the process is that magic ability to observe yourself and see when you seek approval. Notice when you use approval. Notice how you're trying to shape the behavior of somebody else, often the people we love deeply. Right? Notice how you're trying to create a bargain. I'll give you this if you give me that. If you do this, I'll give you that. If you do this this way and have this accomplishment, then we will reward you with this. And most of the time, it's just acknowledgement and love. People just want to be seen. But notice how you hold that back. Notice how you will use that from time to time. That was just a trained behavior. That too is innocent. That too is just something that you've learned. It's just become a way we interact with each other. It's just become a bad habit. And you can't change a habit till you observe it, until you say, oh, that's a habit. But the magic is in that observing. And that's the opportunity to at least in that moment do it differently. What if you were to just give approval to the people that you love, regardless of what they do? What if you just reminded the people that you love that you can forgive them and don't worry about it? What if you can see the behavior of others as having nothing to do with you and you don't need to react to it? And what they do means nothing about you, means everything about them, but nothing about you. And then you don't need to change their behavior. You don't need to try to get them to act differently. Yeah, it's worth exploring how it comes about. That's hypnosis. And it's important to recognize it in yourself, and that's just the practice of observation. And at some point, we all have to recognize the beauty of ourselves, the wonder of ourselves. And that gives us the freedom to move through this world safely.

SPEAKER_00 41:07

All right. That all right is becoming the we're on the line. All right. So hopefully that helps a little bit. If you're listening afterwards, so not live. For the people with us live, I'll send you the meditation. But for anyone listening not live, through streaming services, there will be a link below for the self love meditation. Okay, have a beautiful day, and we will see you later.