What Does It Mean To 'Just Be'?

We sit with the tension between how beautiful life is and how hard we work to control it when we feel afraid. We explore what “just being” actually looks like in real life and why trust can coexist with intention. 
• noticing spring as a reminder that life moves naturally 
• using “just be” as a practical response to uncertainty and change 
• dropping rigid rules that drain joy and create needless pressure 
• understanding “causes and conditions” and why control is often an illusion 
• using gardening and tomato plants as a metaphor for trust and timing 
• seeing how fear fuels control and how control fuels suffering 
• finding a middle ground between planning and allowing 
• practicing neutrality, listening and responsive action over constant forcing 

Transcript

Spring Beauty And Life’s Duality

SPEAKER_03 0:09

We are on the line.

SPEAKER_00 0:13

Sitting in heaven. It's so alive out there. The sun is shining today. The tree popped two days ago. Now I that we have a grab apple tree. And that's blossoms. Came out two days ago. Beautiful white flowers, little hits of pink. And now I sit on the edge of my chair. I want to look at it as much as I can because I know in a week it'll be green leaves. And those flowers will be gone. The birds are loving it.

SPEAKER_03 0:46

Yeah, going out there this morning watering things and feeding the birds. Yeah, just felt like I was living in it again.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

Amazing how things just get started. They just start moving. The geese have all their little goblins. I think there might be 40 goblins this year.

SPEAKER_02 1:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:10

That's about how much I've seen. And uh they might be somewhere else because I'm also used to seeing a lot more geese. And we haven't seen as many geese, so they might be somewhere else on the river.

SPEAKER_03 1:22

Yeah. Yeah, in the chat. I bet the bees are loving it too. I haven't seen any bees yet this year. Well, I saw a bumblebee and then there was a hornet in the house, but that's about it.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

Uh I've seen some wasps. I haven't seen beans. But I'm sure I will now with the tree. I'll go out and look for them now.

SPEAKER_03 1:42

Yeah, they really cover that tree.

unknown 1:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

No, it sounds kind of well, whatever it sounds like. I I always like to think that I live in a world of duality and that the beauty, you know, all the stuff that bugs me and and and gets me riled up or driven down. Um it's always balanced with such incredible beauty. This world is so beautiful. Now, I don't know if that's just my tastes, but I don't know anybody that doesn't feel enlivened when they see the baby geese and they see the flowers on the tree, and they see the buds in the trees come to life. I think there's in the duality of it all, we can focus on the fun stuff.

SPEAKER_03 2:30

Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's almost like the earth wants to be beautiful to offset the craziness that goes on in our lives. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:42

Things are just being who they are.

SPEAKER_03 2:45

Yeah. Just being. We've been tested with just being. I I separate the that being word on purpose.

Learning To Just Be

SPEAKER_03 2:58

And yeah, we've had just these wonderful messages from I don't think she'll mind us saying from Barb. Just to help us in our travels on this earth, just to be. The idea of lifting our feet and just being. And at first we're thinking, well, what the f what does that mean? How do we just be? And I think the more we break it down, you know, if you're a listener, you know we're in the midst of releasing our property and just going and being somewhere else. And it's very hard when you're, you know, it's not happening fast enough. You want to control things. There's fear involved. Like, what if it doesn't happen? So you're just trying to control and the grips of control, especially when there's fear involved, get tighter and tighter and tighter. And the the message that's coming to us from Barb is to just be. And so, as I said earlier, you know, walking the property, watering the flowers, feeding the birds. I think that's but part of it. That's all part of it. Uh, you know, uh a good example, uh, yesterday at some point when we were discussing this, less uh we we moved the table in front of the window again. And before we were like, okay, the table has to be here because the real you know, the realtor said so staged staged, staged, but we couldn't we couldn't see the property from where the table was. And so as soon as we dragged it back, as soon as Les set it back up.

SPEAKER_00 4:47

Tech was staging. If the house isn't selling, I'm gonna at least join what time.

SPEAKER_03 4:51

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 4:52

The way I like to.

SPEAKER_03 4:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:54

Next thing you know, I'll bring my chair in from the grass.

SPEAKER_03 4:57

Oh god, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:59

That helps all.

SPEAKER_03 5:01

Just kidding. It's a nice chair. It's no way, it's a comfortable chair.

SPEAKER_00 5:08

Oh, I think simply put, it's my chair. I've done more meditation in that chair than any other spot in the world.

SPEAKER_03 5:14

Yeah. But as soon as he moved it, moved the table, I thought, that's that's being. That's that's what that means. You know, that's part of that. Releasing the fear of this has to be this way or else, or or even, you know, well, we'll have to take an extra 10 seconds when we're cleaning the house to show it to move it back. Well, who cares? It's an extra 10 seconds, right? Of just shifting it. It really is only just a few feet and just turned. So it's just hilarious what we get caught up in.

Causes And Conditions Beyond Control

SPEAKER_00 5:55

About years ago, more or less, I bumped into uh a Dalai Lama book that really meant a lot to me. And in it, one of the simplest ideas that he offered uh has stuck with me. And it's become sort of a central idea for me, though I don't, you know, yeah, you know, the the process of of growth is not just learning things, it's putting things into use. And so I I can't claim to use this as much as I should or could or might make myself happier with. But anyway, he said it's so important to understand the infinite nature of causes and conditions that must exist for a single event, and the interactiveness of everything working together, and it's complete interdependence, you know, to to look at a lawn, for example, where I look out on our lawn, which we're constantly cutting and trimming and taking care of right now, so that people could think it's uh you know, that typical version of beautiful. But the the balance of water and sun, the dirt, the the insects, the warmth and the coolness, all of those things and more have to come together for that grass to be alive. And underneath that grass is a root system of deep interactivity. That there's there's no one aspect of the grass, although there are individual blades of grass, each striving to reach as high as it can, get all the nutrition it needs to grow. It's interconnected with all the other grass, and the grass couldn't exist without the dirt, and the dirt wouldn't exist without plants that penetrate into rock and break rock apart, and the the water wouldn't exist, but the sun evaporates it and brings it up into the sky and then spreads it out all over the world, and the infinite nature of the causes and conditions that are necessary for us to reach a place where you know I get to look out on that beautiful white blossom on the tree. And that to think that you could control that, to think that you could make that happen is foolishness. Control and the effort towards control is an endeavor that never ends. There's an infinite number of conditions you have to attempt to control to be able to control the outcome. And all each of those elements is just being itself, and they found their way to interact in such a beautiful symphony of growth and life and habitat facilitating each other. One couldn't exist without all the others. And I thought that was just sort of a beautiful thought. And I've always remembered causes and conditions, a multitude of causes and conditions for any result. And it makes, you know, our silly little list of plans seem kind of funny. And when we are successful, at least we tell ourselves we're successful, when we are successful in thinking that we made something happen, you know, because I was smart enough to go to Canadian Tire and buy a plant, a tomato plant, and put it in some dirt that somehow I created those tomatoes is kind of a childish view of things. And an attempt to control what's uncontrollable. What I can do is I can take advantage of nature's forces and I can put that tomato plant in my arm's reach. But it will be the earth and the sun and the rain and the bees and the worms and little buggies and brees and all the things that come together that let it flourish. I might from time to time put some water on it. It makes me really question what, if anything, I can control and why would I bother to try to control? And it was a beautiful idea that I've I've recognized all over my life. And I try not to trick myself into thinking I'm in control. But I still do. I still make lists, I still make plans, I still have things to do, I still want things my way.

SPEAKER_03 10:54

I think there's uh what comes to me as life is going to happen, and it's up to you to live within it, right? And that's just being. It's not sitting on the couch and not engaging with the world. It's about life happening around you and you responding to life with invitation and it why do I always forget this word? Starts with an I. Oh my god. Inspiration. Inspiration.

SPEAKER_00 11:31

I was gonna say intention.

SPEAKER_03 11:33

Intention, lots of I words here.

SPEAKER_00 11:35

So

Intention Without Fearful Gripping

SPEAKER_00 11:36

how do you balance that? How do you balance control with intention?

SPEAKER_03 11:40

Releasing fear about it. That's it. That's it.

SPEAKER_00 11:43

I'm waiting my hand here for me to tell it to try to explain.

SPEAKER_03 11:52

I think when we have fear about things, and it can be a little bitty, bitty-bitty fear or a big big fear, we lock into control mode. And we stop being, and we become the doer, you know, we are doing, and I think, yeah, letting go of that fear as much as you can, and just saying to the universe, God, source, whatever you want to call it, we hear of this like you, you know, inspire me, use me to be on this earth and flourish. Let's go back to the tomato plant, right? This is the visual that comes to me. Just like you said, the tomato plant knows that conditions are gonna be there: worms, dirt, sun, water, it's all there, and it just has to live within it. And the nourishment is gonna come, and the tomatoes are gonna be small or big, it doesn't care. It's being supported throughout that process, and it doesn't ask for that support, it just is within that support, and and yeah, it it comes to me.

SPEAKER_00 13:26

It's an exercise in trust.

SPEAKER_03 13:28

Yeah, like we don't have to go looking for something to make something better. We don't have to go looking for that nourishment, it is all around us, but when we're in this control mode, which usually, I think all the time, is is paired with a little bit of fear. Again, it doesn't have to be much fear, it's just a little tiny bit. And the two go hand in hand. And when we're in fear, we we might be feeling in lack, and then that shuts down inspiration, it shuts down living within, it shuts down the little thoughts that I mean they might be there, but you're ignoring them, not you, but like people including me. And it might be a thought of, you know, just enjoy the go out and enjoy the sunshine or go out and feed the birds. And we might think, oh, I don't have time for that. I don't have time for that. But you just never know how the universe source is setting you up, even with the tiniest little thing, to be abundant, to to have that flourishing flourishing, is that a word? Yeah, that ability and just natural acceptance of what's around you. I'm using a lot of weird words together. I don't know if they make sense, but yeah, that's what I that's that's what I think. That's what I feel, I should say, is a bit of the answer. So like with clients.

SPEAKER_00 15:11

Put the plant in the ground.

SPEAKER_03 15:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:14

Put the seed in the ground. And we have an inherent trust in the natural processes of life. Now, that might be out of experience. I think there's a I think there's a sense of wonder the first time you plant a garden. I remember my first real attempt at a garden. And it was it was such a rewarding thing because I felt like I was a catalyst in nature's natural processes. And it was such an exercise in trust because when you drop those seeds in the hole and you cover them with dirt and you water them, they're just gone now. And I have no idea what happens. I I have science explaining to me that the heat of the sun triggers the moisture of the soil, triggers the natural sprouting of the seed. That's cool. To me, that's an observation, not an explanation. I know that seed, when it's still alive, will sprout. I know the epistem pops out and all those things. I can know a lot of stuff, but that's observation. That's not explanation. There is a force of life that keeps that seed alive. There is a natural interaction between the seed and the conditions that surround it that triggers in it something beautiful, something real. And that that now is going to become. And all I can do, because I can't really explain it, is I can interact with it and encourage it, but I can't make it. And I I must then at that point offer my actions with an element of trust. The seed is in the ground, the conditions seem right, the season is correct, we're ready to sprout. I'm going to now leave the darn thing alone to do what it does.

SPEAKER_01 17:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:26

And I need then to trust that this process that surrounds me, it's everywhere with all things, is going to bring forth not just a plant, but ultimately some kind of uh reaping for me, some kind of collection of enhancement. You know, I can water the plant and I can weed around the plant, and I could even go so crazy as to put some fertilizer down. But all I'm doing then is encouraging the few causes and conditions I can have some impact over. The encouraging of that which will happen naturally. And that that thing that will happen naturally requires my trust. And it's like it's like that lesson is the beginning of embracing living your life from inspiration, living your life from impulse, setting intentions and saying, I I want, I desire, I expect to receive. You know, I expect to put a whole bunch of tomatoes in the freezer this year. And that's the trust that I have when I plant the tiny little seedling of a tomato plant.

SPEAKER_03 18:48

And I think to go the opposite way to really show the trust factor that you're talking about is if we did not trust, if we were out there going, oh my God, oh my God, hopefully these tomato plants come up, hopefully the seed sprouts. I'm scared I might not have tomatoes, I might die, I might starve to death, right? If they don't come up, what we do metaphorically, really, is and think about this with all of life, is we're out there squeezing the seeds. We're out there overwatering them. We're out there in fear, we're out there blasting them with sunshine if we can, right? Like we are trying to control the growth of it. And that would be controlling and fear, right? That it's not going to come up.

SPEAKER_00 19:35

Well, I think, yeah, there's a trust, not just that the results are going to be there. There's also a trust in the process. I remember one year I went out and I bought this special kind of dirt that had fertilizers already in it. And it said, you know, this is for your tomatoes and your peppers and your garden. And that year I had absolutely the world's biggest tomato plants, and not very many tomatoes. I had big, monstrous plants, like huge, like taller than I'd ever seen. Greenery. And lots and lots of flowers, but not so many tomatoes. I mean, probably fewer tomatoes than I'd had in the past. And this was uh said I was gonna get more tomatoes on the package. It's funny how trust falls away as we want to control.

SPEAKER_03 20:38

Yeah, so I think as we, you know, if we're to apply it to our own life here, it's just we can't say we're very good at it. We're we're trying. But just living, getting up and not thinking, you know, when is that next text coming through for the next showing?

When Control Becomes Suffering

SPEAKER_03 20:58

And when are they gonna text us, you know, I I'm gonna pause on the suffering part. Suffering, yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 21:06

Because I think before we talk about the the positive methods, yeah. You know, when we when we think it's up to us, when we're using our mind to come up with a plan, when we're using our mind to try to control conditions, we we know that there's a lack of trust. And it's a lack of trust in ourselves, and it's a lack of trust in others, and it's a lack of trust in the general flow of life. And sometimes I think that you know that some things aren't trustworthy. But what happens, which is the most important part, is what happens inside of me. Right. So, what's happening, what people come to me to see hypnosis, get hypnosis for, is learning how to release that need to control because it causes. Causes suffering. It is constantly, vigilantly evaluating results and questioning ourselves and challenging ourselves and questioning our methods and questioning our habits. And we get ourselves to a point where we don't even trust ourselves anymore. We get to a point where we suffer over what might happen. That's when worry kicks in. That's when concern kicks in. When we think we have to control, when we think we have to plan. And so I think that it's not that plans are useless. It's not that fertilizing your garden is wrong. Not at all. It's that there's, for me, my concern is not so much what we do, but how we feel about it, what's going on inside us when that's happening. And what it is training us, how it's training us to give up more and more of what we trust, give up more and more of our ability in the moment to respond. Because we have a plan, and the plan has to be executed, and this is the way it's going to go. And even when it's not going that way, I stick to the plan. And and I think that that's where the suffering kicks in, and the self-doubt and the doubt of life and the fear. So it's not that planting a garden is a bad thing or using fertilizer is a bad thing. It's really much more about what's going on inside me, inside my mind. And am I even enjoying it anymore? Right? Where's the joy in planting a garden? Where's the joy in trying to control the way the garden acts? Where's the joy in living a life that has a to-do list a mile long? And at the same time, things aren't turning out the way you want, because there are a multitude of causes and conditions that lead you to this result, and you cannot control them. You even when you're really smart and really capable, and you have a hard time really anticipating everything and having a plan around everything. And in that process, and the unfortunate thing of that process, no matter how strong your will, there is this suffering that goes on, this frustration, this anger, this sadness when things don't go your way. It's the approach that you take when you plan. And that there has to be at some point a trust for yourself to know what to do when the time comes.

SPEAKER_03 24:55

Yeah. I think too, what also happens when there's control is it it feels like you're on a roller coaster. You know, you you feel like the control part is getting to you, getting you to where you want to be. And you feel like you're going up the roller coaster, like, you know, this is good. This is good. I've got high vibes. I'm controlling things. And then when it doesn't work out the way you imagined, there's a drop. Right. So you're just constantly going through these ups and downs and ups and downs. And I think, you know, as hypnotists, we we try to help other people with this. At the same time as helping ourselves, really. It's just becoming more neutral to it all, right? Instead of going up and down and up and down and feeling out of con out of control, funnily enough. You're feeling more just relaxed with life. You're feeling more at ease with life and and part of life, and not trying to control everything, which happens naturally, I think, when you release more fear about it all.

SPEAKER_00 26:15

Yeah, you say neutral, and I was about to say balance, and and it is really about that. It's

Balancing Action Allowing And Divine Timing

SPEAKER_00 26:22

that middle ground. Using your mind to form intention, be creative, and and say this, I'd like some tomatoes. I'd like to watch some tomatoes grow. I'd like to enjoy them later, setting the intention that somewhere down the road I'm going to do this. And and in certain ways, you can see the tomato plant having the same intention. It's it has the intention of growing as best it can. It has the intention of providing fruit as best it can. And then it has to just simply respond to the conditions as the conditions expose themselves, as conditions evolve. And that's where letting yourself be shifts from the intention and having a plan, you know, on this weekend I'm going to plant the plants, I'm going to buy some of these supports to help the tomato plants take high. I'm going to pay attention to the soil around it because just like tomato plants are blossoming over the weeds, and I'm going to have to get them out of the way. I am going to make sure that, you know, on days where it's been a while since it rained, and I'm going to add some water, it's okay to have a plan, but then it you start to turn to instinct, you start to turn to impulse, you start to turn to inspiration, and you start to respond according to the conditions as they reveal themselves. And to trust yourself that you will know how and when, that you will respond in the way that's needed, that you can't control everything that's going to happen, but you can respond to it. So it's not that there isn't a plan or there isn't intention or there isn't desire, but the process that follows all of that is more about listening and less about planning. It's more about responding and less about controlling. And, you know, part of that is responding when the urge is upon you. Part of that is acting when you have that inspiration and impulse to do so.

SPEAKER_03 28:40

Yeah. I'm just, I've got a huge smile on my face. I'm out, I'm looking, I can't really see because I don't have my glasses on, but I can tell there's there's a robin drinking water from a birdbath set up in the garden, and it was quite empty yesterday. And then we had a wonderful thunderstorm yesterday afternoon, and it just filled the birdbath. And just another element of, I mean, it's so simple. That robin now has the ability to drink some water, bathe itself. It's still sitting on the edge there. It was in the water a moment ago. But I I I just allowed. I wasn't concerned. I wasn't going, oh my god, the birdbath is empty. I gotta go fill it. You know, like life took took care of itself. I know that's really simple, but it just makes me feel good.

SPEAKER_00 29:36

Yeah, there's a balance to be had between intention and planning. There's a balance to be had between acting and allowing. There's a balance to be had between sitting and doing. And there's an aspect of who you are that gets shut off and gets programmed and gets manipulated in a world that suggests that unless you're doing, unless you're following certain rules, right? Unless you are following somebody else's system, that somehow you're not going to thrive. And that has to be balanced with listening inside yourself and practicing listening and trusting yourself and the process.

SPEAKER_03 30:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:31

And often that's just the release of fear.

SPEAKER_03 30:34

Yeah. And the fear, I think, is just coming from wanting it to turn out a specific way and trying to control it to happen in that specific way. I'm sure there's more to that, of course, but that's what comes to me now. We want it our way. I think that's an old saying, like, I want it my way or no way or something. And I think there's the more and more I work with clients in in the near-death experience realm, in the life between lives realm, the past life realm, all of it merging together, the more I can't turn away from divine timing. I can't even question it really. It's very hard. I mean, of course, I I get caught up in a human life that's but normal, and that's what I came here for. But it's like everything has its own timing in the chat. It sounds like being is where it's at.

SPEAKER_00 31:42

Oh, I think it's more peaceful.

SPEAKER_03 31:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:44

But I think that again, it's a balanced place. It's not a place of inactivity, it's not a place of empty-headedness. There continues to require awareness and attention. But what we're paying attention to is not our narrow slice of conditions that we try to control, but we pay more attention to the broader conditions of processes we can't really see or be aware of.

SPEAKER_03 32:21

Yeah. Yeah, like we don't have to have eyes below the soil to make sure everything's working properly to make the plant grow, you know, in the chat. It's loving acceptance.

Closing With Loving Acceptance

SPEAKER_03 32:35

Well, that was a good chat. I think we just wanted to, we've been struggling with this. Talking it out, I think helps. So hopefully that was a little helpful for people listening. Something to consider. And Tyke has heard my voice change. So it came running out. All right. Everyone, have a good day. Have a wonderful day being. Yeah, that's right. That's right. And we'll see you later.