FREE2JustB

Moving the Clouds That Block Our Light

• Terri Wilson

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Have you ever felt stuck in a strange emotional limbo? That's exactly where I found myself recently - packing boxes for my move from Florida back to Tennessee, excited for what's ahead, yet somehow disconnected from my usual joy. Through quiet reflection, I discovered a profound truth that Dr. Blake Livingood captures perfectly: "The sun is always shining. You just need to move the clouds."

This episode takes you on a deeply personal journey as I uncover the one thing I haven't fully surrendered despite all my other life changes - my relationship with food. Tracing back to childhood moments of sneaking bread, butter and sugar in the pantry as the youngest of six kids, I reveal how this earliest coping mechanism became my default response to stress and transitions. The emotional honesty in this revelation might just help you identify what's blocking your own light.

We explore the fascinating connection between fasting, cellular healing, and emotional freedom. Did you know that trauma becomes imprinted in our cells, especially before age seven? Through practices like intermittent fasting and autophagy (cellular cleanup), we can release these stored traumas. I share how my previously successful fasting practices fell away and how reclaiming them might be key to clearing old patterns.

This raw, real-time revelation shows how transitions often expose the very areas we need to heal. Whether you're facing a major life change or simply feeling disconnected from your purpose, this episode offers valuable insights on identifying and releasing what no longer serves you. What cloud is blocking your light, and what might happen when you finally move it aside? Join me in this transformative exploration of authentic living and discover what might be waiting on the other side of surrender.

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Speaker 1:

Woo-hoo, we have another day on the planet humanity. It is a Tuesday. What's it gonna be? Is it gonna be a terrible Tuesday or is it gonna be a tremendous Tuesday, a terrific Tuesday? We get to choose.

Speaker 1:

It's 8.05 on July 15th in Northern Florida, and this is Teresa Marie, the traveling ambassador of Chi, coming at you with Free To Just Be, the podcast empowering humanity to courageously step out of old patterns and programs and give a big old hug to new ways of being. And I hope this finds you in your greatest health, with vibrant energy today, because you have chosen to accept full responsibility for your body, mind and soul. Here on Free To Just Be, we're going to try to inspire each other to truly be who we came here to. Be Authentic, oh yes, when we're authentic, then we are free and align with our highest potentials. So join me, won't you, on this transformative journey to rewrite our narratives and step into lives of purpose and passion. Boop, boop, ba-doo. Here we be again on another wonderful day on planet Earth. I surely hope that you are in a great place today, hope that you are in a great place today, and I want to share a few things in my journey that may stir something in yours, which is why we're all here to help each other evolve, aren't we?

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And I've been checking out a book by Dr Blake Livingood. I'm sure you've seen him. He's been all over Facebook and he talks about, you know, all the different things that frustrate him as a doctor, and he is on a mission to get people healthy. And I picked up his book and I've started to read through it and I got to open with this quote, because this is where Teresa Marie found herself today. He says, I quote there is no such thing as darkness, just lack of light. If something is interfering with the light, uncover it and the light shines again. The sun is always shining. You just need to move the clouds. Wow, well, I woke up. It's.

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You know, the last week or so has been kind of a flatline week, like where's my joy been? Where are you, teresa? You know it's kind of like I've disappeared and no, really what's happening is I'm in another transitional period of my life. I am evolving from one area of being to the next area of being and in that transition you often feel lost. You feel like, well, you know, nothing's super good and nothing's super bad, you're just kind of there, you're just breathing right, and that's kind of where I've been.

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I was talking to a friend last night and I was saying man, I don't know where my joy is what the heck is going on. And then I read that quote by Dr Livingood Just a lack of light. If something is interfering with the light, uncover it. And so you know. For days I've been thinking about what the heck is going on, what is really going on with you. Now some people would look from the outside at my life and say, well, you don't know where you're going, you don't know where you're going to live, you don't know where your money's coming from. I'd be freaking the heck out. Well, I'm not really concerned with any of that, because God has always taken care of me.

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And it's kind of exciting to me that the doors in Northern Florida are beginning to close. Well, actually, a lot of them have already closed, and there's a lot of voices in Tennessee drawing me back to her right, and so do I. Know exactly what this is going to look like yet? No, I really don't. But that is part of the uncertainty, and I think about what last two.

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I always say his name wrong, boganathor, the man who founded Tai Chi Gong, who founded Tai Chi Gong Le Su. Oh yeah, I'm having one of those conundrum type mornings, but one of the things that he said was a about four days ago. It's time to start packing up my things here in the wonderful home of Pam that I have been sharing for the last six months, and I thought, okay, yeah, I'll start doing that. So I brought some boxes in and I began to pack, but I have no idea what day I'm leaving. I have no idea what is ahead, so I really have no fixed plan.

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Now there are people in my world that are really stressed out for me. Well, you know what day are you arriving, when are you leaving, what are you going to do when you get here? And I have no fixed plan other than listening to God's voice, and one of the biggest blessings that I discovered here in Florida is my friend, sandra Finley, and there is not one single conversation in the six months that I have been in relationship with this woman that she has not said something along these lines. Have you asked God, or what has he said to you? You know, I would say can I bring something? Well, has God told you to bring something? You see, when I grow up, I want to be like Sandy, because Sandy does not move, spend money, travel, eat nothing, unless God is directing her path.

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Literally, the Amelia Bedelia effect is literally active in my friend Sandy's life and it is an amazing life to witness. She's always at peace, she's always at peace, she's steady, she's constant, she's consistent and the love of God just pours from every pore in her body. I find it very exciting. Change to me is the stuff of life. Change is constant and the greatest part of the adventure to me Now, my husband, he, you know, no, no, no, no, no. We want to stay the same. So that's the figure eight, the yin and the yang between my husband and I, and, and these are things that that we're going to really have to um work through when I get back into a living um relationship with this man that I love.

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Um, it's been a long journey. We have been apart for many years and I am heading back to fully see if this reconciliation is possible. Because, see, I understand that this journey is a continuum, it is eternal, and I have so much work to do and my mission has just begun, so I know I'm not going anywhere, so it's not like I have to do X, y, z before I check out, because I've already checked in and I have at least, at least, at least at the minimum, another 60 years. And you say well, how can that be? You're 64. Well, that's my minimum, okay, because I don't want to leave. I know that life is eternal and I know that if I continue doing certain physical, spiritual and energetic practices in my life, I don't have to check out if I don't want to. Oh, buddy, now there's something that I should right there. That statement should evoke the resurrection of inquisition in your life. Are you saying, teresa Marie, the ambassador of Chi, that you're not going to die? That's exactly what I'm saying. I believe that I can live forever. So I, yeah, I'm going all over the place today.

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But I, I woke up this morning and I had that nagging. You know what is it? What is it that that is causing my light to not shine? Where has my joy gone? What? What the heck is it? And I was thinking about another quote from Las Tuz, and that is if you want to be given everything, give up everything. Now, I don't know. I gave up my home, I gave up my matrix job, I gave up my marriage. I left my children, my grandchildren. I've reduced my life down to probably about five boxes now, so I think I'm pretty well versed on giving everything up, or so I thought.

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I still have these things going through my body that I haven't quite taken care of. And you know, when you sit quietly another thing that Boganathar said is to the mind that is still the whole universe surrenders, and it just became so clear to me when I read that Dr Livingood quote. The sun is always shining, you just need to move the clouds. One of the things that I have been avoiding and it just keeps coming around. Because I woke up this morning feeling hungover, not from alcohol, no, no, no, no, from food, because I ate probably 1200 calories at 10 o'clock last night. And was I eating? Emotionally, probably, was I hungry at the time? I ate it? No, I wasn't. So, yes, I was definitely emotionally eating. So see, these are some of the ways that I deal with transitions, but this food thing, oh, it's just been going around and around in my head. You know why I used to.

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When I was back in Tennessee two years ago, I had no issue with intermittent fasting. I had no issue with intermittent fasting. I did water fasting every quarter and you can go back to some of my old podcasts and I talked about my water fast. The longest water fast I did was seven days, but every three months I would do no less than a three-day water fast often a five, do no less than a three-day water fast often a five. And in the last two years I've really, really struggled with even fasting one whole day. And this morning the reason I'm sharing all of this is because I have finally recognized that this little tiny piece is the cloud that has been holding on and on any given day it'll move just a little bit and I'll feel like I'm on top of it and then it goes back and it covers up my light.

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And I also think of Michael De La Rocca, who I'm listening to from our Everyday Life podcast on YouTube and he talks a lot about autophagy and autophagy is the effects that happen internally when we fast, because your body goes into cellular cleanup mode, and he believes, and I do as well, that traumas and old patterns and programs are very much in our cells. You know many. You know many, many people, joe Dispanza. Many, many, many, many people. Physicists and quantum scientists will also tell you that we do get imprinted. Our cells get imprinted with our traumas, and especially before the age of seven. So we're carrying those in our body. Seven so we're carrying those in our body. And when we fast, especially on a regular basis, or when we go into it with the intention of clearing those traumas trapped in our cells, amazing things happen. Autophagy happens, our cells begin to eat the very waste products that we want to leave our bodies right.

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And it was like light bulbs going off in my head this morning as I'm laying in bed and I'm thinking man, here I'm flatlined again what the heck is going on? Because I'm really excited about where life is taking me. I have learned so, so many lessons I'm going to do just a complete episode on the lessons learned in Northern Florida and I'm super excited about what is to come as I move myself back to Tennessee. But right now I'm in that in-between. You know what it's like when you're getting ready to move. You're kind of living around boxes and like my familiar stuff, my photographs and my personal altar stuff, all of that stuff is packed up. So it kind of feels empty, it kind of feels a little strange, but oh, the excitement of thinking about putting all of my belongings in my little Honda Fit and taking off again. It just evokes excitement and joy.

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But this piece, this food piece, has been haunting me because I know that, I know that I am not. I am not who I was meant to be in my physical body. I know what I need to do, but I have been clinging to this old way of dealing with my life and that is food. And I think I've told the story, but I'll briefly share. I, you know I mind trace back to the very moment that I became attached to food as a default, to food as making me feel warm and fuzzy, and it was way back in Richmond Hill, queens, when I was, you know, it went down.

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I was the baby of six kids and so, as the youngest child, it now became my turn to set the table as we were growing up, and when I grew up, it was the six kids and my mom and dad and my grandma and grandpa all around one familiar table. How about that? And that is the desire of my heart, and I have many of my seven children that talk about family compounds and getting back to that, and I believe it's the desire of humans as a whole as a race. We miss that connection. We miss the older helping the younger, we miss community and I believe that that's part of the reason I'm here along with all the other lightworkers, because we are heading back to collective communities where everybody helps each other, where it's not a hierarchy but it's more of a community-based way of life.

Speaker 1:

But anyway, back then, when I was a kid, on table setting and I've talked about, you know, some of my emotional traumas that were imprinted was I'm not seen, I'm not heard, I'm ignored, I'm not good enough, I felt abandoned, I didn't feel safe or supported. And now I recognize that and I can talk freely about them and, like I said, I mind trace back to the day I was in our pantry and I was getting the bread out, because, with a family that large, I look now and it warms my heart to think of the things that my mom and dad had to do on a cop's salary. My dad was a police officer for 27 years and I know now, as an adult and as my nephew and my son were both in the law enforcement business for many years, it is not the best paying job and I look back with such love in my heart for how my mom and dad had to cope and deal with the financial struggles of raising six kids and my mom's mom and dad. And we always had bread and butter on the table because bread is cheap, right. And I can remember, you know, sometimes we would have a roast and gravy and we would run out of meat, but oh, we could always have bread with gravy, right. So, anyway, I'm in the pantry and I'm getting the bread out and now everybody's doing their other things at the house. You know, maybe mom and dad were in the kitchen cooking or whatever, but I'm in the pantry and the bread and butter are there and, dare I say, the sugar too. And it's amazing how quickly you can take a piece of bread, slather butter on it and sprinkle it with sugar, but even how much more quickly you can stuff it down your throat.

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And that, I remember, is what I did, and I remember feeling so in control because, see, I was in there by myself doing something that nobody saw me doing and they couldn't stop me. Something that nobody saw me doing and they couldn't stop me. So I in my childhood mind that couldn't grasp what was happening, because a lot of my trauma was just my perceptions. Right, the words that came at me by the time it got into my head and in my psyche meant one thing, and maybe it was completely opposite of what my mom and dad meant, but that's how trauma works, you know, anyway. And so I always felt like I didn't have any control in my life. Thus I became such a control freak and it began for me.

Speaker 1:

My efforts of being in the control seat began in that pantry when I felt like, look at that. I did this and nobody saw me do it and nobody can stop me. And that little piece of bread, butter and sugar, as it hit my belly, made me feel like I was satisfied for a moment when I felt very unsatisfied. Um, the rest of the moments, does that make sense? Very unsatisfied, the rest of the moments, does that make sense? So see this program. I've recognized you in real time, humanity.

Speaker 1:

I am describing to you that I have finally connected the dot that this program. You know, I feel like I have given so many things up and I have deprogrammed so much of my life. Now, that's not to say that there's many, many more that are going to come up. Of course there are, because this is a never-ending journey, but I do believe that there comes a point where the flow is so much more steady. But this aspect of my life has had me by the proverbial balls my whole life and I have allowed it because it has been my comfort, my security, my default. And now I'm thinking to myself wow, that's the cloud. That's the cloud.

Speaker 1:

And I think of the days that, for example, 18 or 19 years ago, when I was 268 pounds, wearing a size 26 and could not keep up with my two youngest, my very firstborn grandbabies, ashton and Ayla, when they were first born, and I couldn't keep up with them and I felt terrible and I determined that I wanted to keep up with my GBs. So I began doing P90X and I ended up going into what's called beast mode and I felt so good body, mind and soul. Why? Because I was taking care of my physical body, the weight was falling off, I was feeling so good, I was sleeping so good, I was eating so good and over the years, you know, I'm probably up 30 pounds from where I ideally should be. And right now, as I'm describing how I felt when I lost those 98 pounds and I've never put the 98 back. You know I play between 20 and 30 pounds over the last, say, 10 years. So I know that. I know that. I know how awesome I feel when I take back that control seat. And it's not even a control seat, it's just a way of self-love. Wow, wow, wow. That just came in right now. I just got that download.

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I have not loved my body for my whole life. I have abused my body and you know it went from food to nicotine, to alcohol, to pot, to drugs, to cocaine, to speedballs. And then, you know, over the years I backed everything up. And now I'm back to what? The original, the OG, the OG program, the default program of Teresa Marie's life, the bread, butter and sugar. What do I do now, right here at Pam's? What makes me feel good when I, for example, have not made X amount of money when I had this goal to make it?

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When I go out and dash, I come home oh now it's not white bread, it's not Wonder Bread anymore, no, I'm much healthier, I use pumpernickel bread. But what do I do? I take the butter out and, oh, yes, it has graduated. It's not margarine, it's not the plastic poison. No, no, no, no, no, I get the grass-fed butter, kerrygold, right? Oh yeah, it's more expensive, but oh, it's so good and I'll whip out a piece of pumpernickel bread slather I'm not talking just a little bit. No, no, no, no, I put like a layer of this grass-fed butter and I don't use sugar anymore, I use salt and I cover it with salt and, oh, even just thinking about it, wow, there it is.

Speaker 1:

So in real time, humanity, I have just exposed for you a downloaded revelation, a rhema. A rhema is like a burst of light and the cloud has moved and I feel lighter for it, and now I get to choose. Now, all right. So now you understand what has been holding you back. This is something that I have not given up. I have not said this is no longer serving me and it isn't serving me.

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I woke up with a freaking food hangover today. Yeah, yeah, that's what. Eating ice cream after eating, oh, I don't even want to. You know, yeah, it was fast food, horrible for your body. Do I know better? I absolutely know better, but I chose it anyway, and I chose it consciously, by the way. I even remember, as I'm driving further away from home in order to go to that big arched place. Yep, I'm doing this. Yep, I'm wasting gas, yep, I'm actually going to abuse my body. I was saying those things in my car.

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But today, today, I am recognizing oh, here's the cloud, here's what I haven't fully surrendered, here's what I hold on and run to, instead of running to the divine omg. Wow. So now I get literally not eat. I could literally right now begin a water fast. I can literally right now begin autophagy in my body and let my cells begin to eat away all of that trauma, all of that default program. And the more I do it, the more of that trauma will leave my body, mind and soul. How about that for revelation today? And on that note, it's time for me to go and make my way into this day. But I just have to say make my way into this day. But I just have to say search, ask, seek, knock, because this ambassador of Chi has just landed on her answer. And this is a question that I have been asking for quite a while. And, yeah, my joy maybe hadn't been up. But no, no, no, this. I look back.

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Why do I keep doing this to myself? I would say after overeating, sometimes it wouldn't even be overeating, but it would be eating something that I knew I didn't need or didn't want, but it's that go-to. It's that addictive side of my personality, because I am an eight in the Enneagrams and my downward slope on that triangle is addictive behavior, whatever it is. You know, when I was doing P90X, I was addicted to lifting those weights. I very easily get attached to something and it becomes an addiction.

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So see, these are areas in my life that I have to address and get a handle on if I want my light to shine and I want my chi to flow freely. So that's what I leave you with today. What are the areas that you're not aware of yet that you want revealed in your life? Because transitions come and transitions go, and we can hang out in these kind of limbo areas, and often we end up staying longer because we're holding on to something that has to go. So have yourself the best Tuesday ever. It doesn't have to be terrible, although you can choose it, but for me, I feel freer just knowing what that cloud was, and now it's up to me to create my own personal exit from that very cloud.