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Life: Oh So Brutiful

• THeresa Marie

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Dedicated to my Mama who is 101 in heaven today!

Some weeks feel like a collision between concrete floors and raw truths. I share a demanding return to an Amazon warehouse—long shifts, heavy lifting, and a hip that won’t stay quiet—and how the pain cracked open something deeper: the old narratives about control, failure, and a father wound that still tugs at my choices. That discomfort became a compass, pointing me back to tools that used to steady me: Louise Hay’s mind-body links, chakra work, and a reminder that when we skip inner work, pain collects the debt.

We dig into the layered meaning of “brutal”—harsh conditions, sharp honesty, and the cold edge of self-judgment—and why those edges can be gifts. I trace how kidney symbolism around criticism and shame echoed my history, while the hip mirrored a fear of moving wrong. On the floor between U-boats and bins, I saw how I’d built obstacles to delay my real assignments. Control felt safer than trust. Productivity felt safer than creativity. But the body doesn’t lie. It keeps knocking until we answer.

From there, we reframe obstacles as choices. Some we meet because the path is worthy; others we build to stall the very thing we’re called to create. I walk through practical steps that helped me shift: asking for help, grounding through breath, naming the story out loud, and choosing one small move daily. We talk root chakra safety, spiritual provision, and the subtle courage it takes to pray bigger while working more aligned. If you’re feeling stretched, criticized by your inner voice, or stuck in survival mode, this conversation offers a way to turn pain into guidance and movement into freedom.

If this resonates, subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a quick review to help more people find the show. Then tell me: what one move will you take today?

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SPEAKER_00:

Life can be brutal, but it's also beautiful. So come on in and let's talk about our brute our brute how brutiful lives, shall we, on today's episode of Free to Just Be, the podcast empowering humanity to courageously step out of old patterns, matrix programming, heal their childhood traumas, and give big hugs to new ways of being. And I hope this absolutely finds you in the greatest health with vibrant energy. Well, maybe not, maybe just the chill factor on this early Sunday afternoon. I hope it was a day of rejuvenation and rest and relaxation, and that you truly had a day off to just relax with your family. And that we've all chosen to accept the full responsibility for our body, minds, and soul. And relaxation's a big part of it. So let's inspire each other to truly be who we came here to be. Authentic, free, and aligned with our highest potential. And if my content is beginning to resonate with y'all, please click that like button. Subscribe to my podcast on whatever um platform you're listening. And I am so close, I am so very close to 7,500 downloads. I need like 86 more. So please share this podcast with somebody and let me get my next achievement ward as a podcaster. And more importantly, let's help each other through this ascension journey. And I am, of course, Teresa Marie, your host and an ambassador of Chi, God's intrinsic energy. And I do welcome you if you've never been a visitor to Free to Just Be. And tonight uh it's a Sunday night. I don't normally record on Sunday nights, but it has been a brutal transitional period in my life. And I'd love to share a little bit about how uh even in the midst of things being um brutal, we can grow and we can experience and we can share with each other because that's what true encouragement is. So let's look at at what the definition of brutal is first before I get into my personal um brutal week of yes, continuing on this awakening journey back to who we really are. Brutal means um well, the first definition of Webster's says, suitable to one who lacks intelligence, sensitivity, or compassion, befitting a brute. So this is uh what a brute is. They're cruel and cold-blooded. So that's kind of the base where the word brutal came from. So they used uh that definition to describe a brutal attack, and we've all uh had those. Um physically, you know, sometimes when uh you get into a physical altercation with somebody, that's one example. Second definition of brutal is harsh, severe. Mm-hmm. Now we're coming into my world. The example is brutal weather, right? Well, we can have brutal emotional weather. Our feelings get all up in it because it's uh pretty harsh and severe to hear some things or to witness some things about yourself, right? Third definition unpleasantly accurate and incisive. Ooh, incisive, just cutting right to the core, right? And what's the example? A brutal truth or the brutal truth. Ever have these things happen on your awakening journey when you are suddenly confronted? You know, I think some of the hardest confrontations of brutal truth come when you're all by yourself and you recognize something so deep about yourself that's ugly. It's like it does. It's talk about incisive. It feels like a knife cutting right into your heart when you realize, oh dang, I'm judgmental. Oh, I was just brutal to my husband. And the last definition is grossly ruthless or unfeeling, like when I was brutal to my husband. And there was some intense energy this last uh 48 hours, especially. And we could, you know, there's lots of people that have talked about uh the hoppy energies coming in and Halloween and All Souls Day, and and there's many, many different ways to spin it, but I am choosing tonight to let you open the door of Inquisition if any of that interests you. And I'm just gonna share the stories of my own life and and maybe they'll be relatable, and maybe um maybe you'll just get a kick out of some real life. Uh, you know, I'm a real life person going through this intense energy shift uh along with everybody else on the planet. And uh, you know, as many of you know, uh one of the reasons I haven't been on the last four days, uh, five days, is um I am back working a day shift at an Amazon warehouse, and I am now stowing. So Amazon gets these truckloads of merchandise, and they get loaded on these big long U-boats, and then there are stowers like myself who uh clock in, so to speak, with a with a um RF gun and scan in all these boxes, and then one by one we open these boxes and go place these merchandised items into bins, drawers, cubbies, right? Until the U-boat's empty, and then we go get another one and so on. So we are inbound. The materials are coming in, and what I used to do was pick the products, and that was all about massive production. You know, go as fast as you can to pick as many products because they want them out the door and shipped overnight like Amazon does. Well, I haven't done this physical job, and it's physical, in two years. And my last job was walking, walking very fast, very fast, very fast. And I love that movement. Now, two years later, I am two years older, and there are things happening in my body that correlate with the way I'm feeling, not only the transition at work and all of these different things. So I'm gonna try tonight to give you the pieces that I have been given over the course of the last week that have brought some deep, brutal revelations, uh, which evoked a lot of emotions and even some conflict in my relationship because we're both going through similar brutal awarenesses and we're not sure what to do with them, and we weren't even sure that that was what was happening, and we were butting heads a little bit brutally, right? This is this is what's happening all over the planet, and then you enter these intense waves of energy that have been poured onto the planet the last 48 hours, and if you want to know more about that, check it out. And so here I am transitioning into the Amazon warehouse, and it's physical in a new way. I'm bending, I'm squatting, I'm doing lunges, all really good for the healing of my knee. But I'm also doing a lot of lifting, not so good for my low back, and I'm standing on concrete a good 50 to 60 percent of that 10-hour day. And my hip is not very happy with that, right? So all of these physical things are happening, and in the background, all these physiological things are happening, and then we have energy pouring in, and this energy coming up, rising up from the earth to meet up. See, earth and heaven are coming together again, and we're feeling that effect. Light is pouring down and also coming up, and everything that cannot be in the light has to be uncovered, illuminated for us to choose what we're gonna do with it. Now we can be gentle on ourselves or we can be brutal on ourselves. Um, can you guess which side did I fall on? What side do you fall on in Humanityville, right? And I'm a headbanger, and it seems like it takes me four or five times before I get the lesson, and sometimes that's multiplied tenfold, you know, thus the 40 years around the same freaking mountains, right? And then when you keep asking, you know, God, what is it? What is going on? Something's off, something's off, right? He he'll literally bring you to different resources to look at books, former videos, something will come up in your feed. He will use anything to answer the questions, especially when you're asking your angels too. I need your help. They cannot help unless they're asked. I don't know if you knew that, but that's the truth. Anyway, so all these things and and one by one, these pieces of past life. Um, you know, I've done lots of um uh past life, not is what I'm trying to say. Um I've done a lot of things in my life to um uh well Hal Elrod said it very good. He says, always remember when we fail to make time for personal development, which you know I always call it's an you know, it's an inside job, it all the answers are inside. Our job is to work out our freedom, our salvation, right? And what Hal says is um if you if you fail to make time to do that, to work on yourself, to discover what is shackling you from that freedom, what programs are in the way, what uh uh childhood traumas have you not healed from? All of those things, if you don't do that, then the opposite is we are forced then to make time for pain and struggle. And that is exactly what everything kind of fell into place. I mean, even right now, tonight, my hip is absolutely screaming. Now you can take it from just a physical, you know, there's the physical ramifications and the things that the quote-unquote doctor and PT pay people three years ago told me when I got my knee replaced. There's that aspect of it. And then there's the overcompensation from um not being able to be as mobile once I had the D replaced. So I compensated a lot on the left side. And some people can say, well, it's what that nurture nurse Ratchard PT gal, you know, spoke over me and you know, said, if if you don't do X, Y, Z right now and PT, then in three years you will have problems with your hip and possibly even your left knee. And then there's all the books I've read, books about chakras and and energy, and all the things I learned, and even the things I learned in Florida, and and through the last four years of doing these beautiful um meditative movements, um, all of that comes together in the last week or so, and uh it's been brutal, because just like the definition said, uh some of the things that spirit revealed to me and I recognized in my own self because you see, as you're seeking to grow and and climb this ascension ladder, uh you can't climb until you wake up. And there's level after level of level of level of awakening. And then there's levels of steps that you have, you know. So it's it's it's destination unknown, and you don't know how long it's gonna take, and you just get up and you keep going forward every single day on this earth school, and you thank God for every lesson of every 101, 102, and even the freaking 104 classes, and you feel like you're never gonna learn enough, and and some days you're just like, I yes, I have had enough. I just, you know, um, and the culmination of of all this physical things happening. I actually uh had to take uh pain reliever, um Tylenol, uh acidaminophen, however you say it, which I haven't taken in years, because I am very aware that I have one kidney that and uh the kidney that was removed, I am energetically believing and receiving that I can energetically restore it, because we have the power to heal thyselves, just like my adrenal. But because of these these things, um I had been experiencing just uh uh incredible levels of pain that I haven't had uh for years, um for probably three and a half, four years, since right before my knee surgery. And I'm like, what is going on? What is going on? It's just a transition. I know I'm using body parts I haven't used, and you know, and then in the midst of all this physical stuff, I have all this emotional stuff. Uh, you know, all the um the not good enoughs, and um here I am, I'm digressing, and and uh, yep, you failed again, and all those thoughts are trying to come up, and and I'm trying to, you know, just release them and remind myself I deleted those. And and then we have uh just the simple fact of feeling like, you know, what have I done? You know, I traded um dashing while I was sitting and you know, spending hours sitting and getting in and out of the car, and now I've thrust myself. I chose to go back into this massively physical. And you know, mine, I remind you, I'm also, you know, in the last three months I've been really working on my physical um health, uh, eating different, um uh drinking different, moving different, uh, you know, always doing my moving meditations, but adding uh no less than three days a week uh these 10-minute hits, and now I'm in this physical job. So all of these things are swirling around, right? And everything feels quite brutal. And then I'm I'm recognizing uh all these different things that are kind of coming together. Why? Because I'm directed first to one of one of the most ancient books of my awakening, way back in the in the 80s, uh the late 80s. My first really um, I was addicted to this self-help book for for many, many, many months, and that is um Louise Hay from Back in the Day. Yes, thank you, Louise Hay. And uh, and her, and and she was the first of many, many, many people that talked about the core correlations between our energy bodies, our emotional bodies, and our physical bodies, because we are all one, okay? And uh we're responsible for that emotional body, and we don't start feeling the physical symptoms of un we didn't protect or we didn't cleanse our energy field, uh and we continue to let whatever this was stay in our body, this trapped energy. And that's when eventually, I mean, God gives us this big cushion of time and space between, you know, dealing with our shite, folks. We nobody's gonna do it for you. Nobody's gonna look at your childhood traumas, nobody's gonna look at why you have knee-jerk reactions to anger or towards the pantry for food or towards um uh gambling or whatever, pick your choice of addiction or poison. You know, you know what I'm saying? Nobody can do that work but yourself, thus the inside job. And then there there comes these times when you know you've observed yourself enough and he guides you to these different things. So he guided me first to this Louise Hay book and had me look up, because you know, now I'm trying to figure out, you know, is this my kidney or is this my hip? Because, see, it's my left side, and I had my right kidney removed. So I'm thinking, all right, am I just fearful? You know, so I'm energetically asking, you know, have my hand on my left side, and I'm asking, what what are you, what are you what is this part of my body trying to tell me? And immediately I felt like it was fear, you know, fear. Well, I fear what? Am I gonna um get cancer again? A fear, you know, that no, I think again, then I then he brought me back towards my friend Sandy and her beginning to teach me about the anneogram. And all the eight number eight anneogram fits me to the T. And I have this huge fear of not being in control, and it's I can take it all the way back to literally wanting my dad's love so much and having no control over the fact that I did not feel his love at all. And to this day, it it is still, it if it affects my life. And so here it here it is. Another level of this is coming up in my life, and I'm going through this physical stuff, and I'm like, God, you know, this is uh why do I have to go through I'm can I get through the physical part first? And boom, he circles me right to the fact that I chose to thrust myself back into this physical Amajam job. Why? Why because I didn't move. Didn't move. What are you talking about? You're moving your body all the time. Well, there's also other movement besides physical movement, my dear, dear brothers and sisters in Humanityville. And immediately he took me back to the 80s again. Yep, I'm back there with Louise Hay. That was right around the same time I had that lucid dream and then a dream dream about how I should make a reality show about showing people how you can still continue to mess up and have this incredible relationship with God, absolutely connected to God, and I refuse to do it. I did not move. And then over and over again, he showed me places where I was given an assignment, little bit, little bitty assignments. Now, some of the assignments were good and I would do them. Ever have assignments, humanity? That you don't know where the thought was to pull over and help the one on the side of the road, or to call somebody out of the blue and then discover that that person really needed that phone call. Those were all little bitty assignments from God. Ever feel like you got one and you failed the test? Okay, so that's that's kind of where I was. And I was like, wow, okay, I didn't move. Now these are thoughts in my head as I go to Louise's head, uh uh to Louise's book, her list of the symptoms that correlate, and and I'm gonna just read read to you verbatim. So I'm asking, you know, is this my crit is this my my kidney that's causing me problems, or is it my hip? It just blew my mind, blew my freaking mind. So many of you have been following me on this on this uh free to just be podcast and know I've talked about my dad issues. Why? Because half the population has them, the other half have mommy issues, right? And we need to conversate about it. We need to uh allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to talk about the shit so that we we can release, delete, not release. We want to delete them out of our energetic field. We want to heal from them, grow from them, so that we can help others do the same, right? So I go to Louise list, and first I look up kidney. And the kidney, this is what it says. It's about criticism. It holds criticism, disappointment, failure, and shame. When I was a child, I felt very now, right or wrong, my siblings could say different, but my view was my relationship with my dad. I was criticized a lot for not measuring up, which caused me to feel like a disappointment, and to go on to fail at everything in my dad's eyes, which is why I cycle around that mountain over and over again that I am a failure, and I continue to be consistent in my own personal belief that I failed. And so here I am again back at Amazon thinking that I failed. Now, you do you see the workings of how God once again is circling me back to the same thing that He wants me to be free of the shackles? And here I am causing literally kind of there's no quinky dig here. This is a synchronicity of my own design. I chose to go back into that warehouse. Why? Because I missed the listen, the the lesson. I missed the lesson that movement, right? You have to move. Energy has to move, right? And the revelation was there it was. Oh, and and to finish about the kidney, it also causes reactions like a kid. So literally, the pain that I feel in my lower left side could be the kidney, because I fit all the criteria of still needing to be healed in that area. But now look look at the hip, which is really what it is because I have no other kidney s symptoms. But isn't it quote unquote ironic or a koinky dink that this absolutely aligns with the the storyline of my life? You see, we all have this story, this puzzle piece. It's like our life is already a beautiful mural. And we come onto the planet and the mural is in this box of a million puzzle pieces. And part of our job of working out or working towards that mural is putting those pieces together, deleting and erasing out the parts that don't fit the mural. That's so to speak, kind of the the picture I have in my head about this awakening ascension journey. And a piece clicks, and I also think that would correlate to a step up the ascension ladder, right? And a piece fits and another step up, and then you're trying to jam a piece in and you're struggling. Hal said, if you don't do the work, we're forced to make time for pain and struggle. And so I just felt the father gently putting me on his knee, and it's hard to sit there because I have self-induced the pain in my hip by being so resistant to letting go and moving. Why am I afraid of moving? Because I'm still afraid to move, because I fear of making another mistake and displeasing my dad, my father here on earth, who's now with Jesus, and God my father. And I'm like, oh my gosh, I and um this revelation is coming to me on the floor at Amazon, right? So tell me, is this awakening ascension journey, is life not in general, sometimes so brutal on every level? So now I have the physical, I have the emotional, because now it's got me thinking again about my dad. I've got the physiological, because you know what happens emotionally correlates to what happens to us physically, and and is God not so freaking cool to design us to find these discoveries out about ourselves, right? And I then go back to the reason I I had to really look at the reason why I chose to go back to Amazon. Well, because I like my independence and I was paying for my own way. I don't like being back with my husband and m having to ask him for money because my dashing isn't no, no, no, I'm not no no no. I want that independence, and that's a good thing. That's shows progress towards my dream and vision of entrepreneurship. And the reason I'm making myself vulnerable is because these are all the fears and the worries and the and the leveling up and the pains of leveling up that we're all gonna have to go through if we are going into the next stage of where we want to be in life. And that takes me back to the goal orientation. You know, I if I had my goals written down, if I knew exactly all of these things he's teaching me, he's teaching me. Do you remember this book? Do you remember that book? So he pulls me out the chakra book. Oh my goodness, I can remember it's probably eight or ten years ago. My youngest son, um Josh, and came back from California and gave me this chakra book and my first real set of crystals. And I was in love because that's when, right about the time I really started delving into the energetic portals in our body. And it took me right to the root, literally, my root chakra, which is right. Exactly what I am going through. It's that feeling of survival. I didn't feel safe when I was a child, and so I always felt like I was surviving on my own. These are all issues with my root chakra. This is where I need to work on deleting some programs for good. And so sometimes when things feel so incredibly brutal, there, I I jump started, it is, it truly is beautiful. When life feels brutal, think of it as nothing more than brutal. Because it is. It's when some of the the biggest revelations or jump starts or the best nuggets, the shiniest nuggets of wisdom will pop out or into your field, and you're going to be like, wow, holy smoke. So this is probably why my hips are hurting and why I was thinking about my kidney, and I won't even go into my knee, right? And then you put on top of all of that this incredible shift of energy that we have just experienced the last 48 hours. Wow. So in closing, I just want to remind us all that life will throw you obstacles, or like in my case, you can even create your own obstacles, right? To make sure that you truly want it. What does that mean? Well, an obstacle can go both ways. If you want something bad enough, for example, I want to be financially free, I want to create passive income, but that's that's like the last thing on my list. The number one thing on my list is I want to help people in my tribe. What's my tribe? Human beings. I want to help humanity as best I can. The best, the most amount of people in the shortest amount of time, and I want to be able to be compensated for it, but I am not a greedy person. Okay, so that is my main my main thing, right? So I can really work at whatever obstacle comes my way in order to get there, right? Or not. That's my choice. The other obstacle is to recognize when you choose to erect your own obstacles, to self-sabotage yourself from doing what you're supposed to do. Because you see, when I left my other job, God said, All right, so trust me. Trust that I'm gonna make sure your bills are paid. Okay. And you know what? He never disappointed. Even though I was dashing, he never disappointed me. I always met my bills. But see, I pray and believe small. And this was always a test. And he told me to trust him. But see, my controller said, I I want my own spending money. I want to be able to contribute uh into my marriage. I don't want my husband to support me in any way, shape, or form. So I, I, I, I, my ego, my pride, and what was I not doing? I was not moving on what he told me. Are you going to trust me? And what did he tell me long before I got back to Tennessee? Work on your material to get it out to humanity. Have I done that? No. Expand your podcast. Have I done that? I continue to make gallant efforts to do that. But you understand the brutality of realizing, oh my god, wow, I've done this to myself. I self-sabotaged, right? So obstacles go both ways, and both ways are beautiful because it's a lesson, and there's no mistake because if you're learning something from it, then it's now it goes into your drawer of I don't want to do that again, or you've repeated it again and again and again, and then you have to look at the brutality of that. So remember tonight as you go into a brand new week, a week that I chose coming out of eight days. No, I can't say that. We were only on the floor for six of really difficult activity on my 60 almost 65-year-old body. I chose to do that. And then my daughter thinks I'm crazy, but I chose 13 overtime hours this next week. So instead of having two more days off, tomorrow I'm working a full shift. And Tuesday I'll work three hours so I can rest up from that before I go into four hours. Four days. But I'm learning. Every day is a learning experience. Can we approach our magnificent Monday like that? Can we approach our new way week thinking, where am I gonna see an opportunity today? What lesson will I learn this week? Now, at this point, my dear dear ones, I am not guaranteeing anything. I am still trying to figure out my time management, I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with the physical aspects, but I'm right here with you. We are evolving together. We are growing in love and light. We are growing to get closer and closer to God. We're growing up. Yes, at 64 I'm still growing up. How about you, Humanityville? You feel like you just you just started? Well then move with me. Move spiritually, grow physically, grow energetically. We got this. And in the meantime, enjoy the rest of this restful day of the week. And I leave with you, as always, peace.