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If Joy Is Infinite, Why Do We Resist It

• THeresa Marie

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Joy doesn’t wait for life to behave. It grows when we stop bargaining with the moment and start aligning with purpose, presence, and a love that doesn’t hinge on outcomes. As we close the year, I share a private clearing ritual, the hard truth of my own resistance to joy, and the simple framework that steadied everything: Jesus first, others next, you last.

We start by separating happiness from joy—one reactive and external, the other rooted and internal. From there, I unpack how comparison, old programs, and the modern chase for dopamine keep us restless and disconnected. A ten‑minute pause in the woods became the turning point: sunlight, breath, and quiet brought scattered lessons into focus and revealed how control blocks the flow of grace. We dig into neuroplasticity and the practical work of rewiring: catching the inner controller in the body, choosing micro‑moments of prayer, and returning to the present while doing ordinary things like driving or washing dishes.

You’ll hear candid stories about marriage, purpose, and the call to rebuild connection in “Humanityville”—humans being, not just doing. We explore Shaw’s challenge to spend ourselves on a purpose we recognize as mighty, and why service expands joy without erasing boundaries. Along the way, we talk about clearing the vessel so love, chi, the Holy Spirit’s life, can move through us in daily encounters: a kinder word to a cashier, time given to a partner, attention offered instead of another scroll. Seek first, give freely, care wisely—again and again—until joy becomes the steady current under everything.

If this resonates, tap follow, share it with a friend who needs a reset, and leave a review to help others find the show. Tell me: where do you feel resistance most, and what’s one small practice you’ll try today?

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SPEAKER_00:

Is the happiness that doesn't depend on what happens, is a quote by David Stindal Rast. And I want to talk to you today about true joy, as I welcome you back to Free to Just Be, the podcast helping humanity to move, breathe, reconnect, and awaken to remember who they truly are. I'm your host, Teresa Marie, an ambassador of God's Chi, and I'm here to help guide us all as I go through it too, out of the noise of the world and back into the quiet truths found right inside our own body, heart, and souls. And this podcast is for every person out there in Humanityville who feels the pull to step out of their old patterns, their old programs, and this emotional heaviness of the matrix that just tries to chain us and step back into a life of presence, purpose, and deep connection. And here, what I do is I share my own awakening journey. Often I tell my real life stories that people don't want to talk about, but are happy to listen to, because that's how we reconnect with each other, folks. So if you are ready to breathe again, to deeply feel again, to move into a flow of life that you've never experienced, and if you're ready to remember who you really are and why you came here, well you have come to the right place. Welcome back, Humanityville. And if this is your first time joining us on Free to Just Be, or maybe you've been here since the beginning three years ago, I just ask, I would so appreciate it if you hit that like button and you shared it with others. And subscribe to my channel so that you don't miss an episode. Because it's it's gonna take a new spin in 2026. So if you want to be free to just be who you are, let's quit get on in. Well, it is pretty much the last couple of days of 2025. Tomorrow it exits and a new year begins. And for the last four or five days, but specifically the last three, as I um about midday today ended a end-of-the-year ritual that I do. Um that is it's private between me and God. And uh I don't want you to get tripped up on the word ritual if if you're in that religious programming mindset. I I don't want you to turn it off because you heard the word ritual, because it's just a spiritual practice of mine, a little um reset that I do at the end of every year. And it is designed to clear out my channel so that I can walk closer with God. And these last three days as I ended my year doing so uh have been very profound for me. And what I ended up with is true joy. But how it occurred was I had to first, and these are things that I believe we're all gonna have to eventually do many times over on this awakening journey as we ascend, right? As we raise our frequency, as we come back home to who we are, and that is observing your resistance to joy, to realizing what happens when you are a control system, when you're at the helm, and that helm, your control system, gets upset. And then becoming aware of what you're actually in, right? What you're doing, and then choosing to shift because you see, nobody is going to shift for you, nobody is gonna do this hard work for you. Nobody but you gets to choose how, when, where, and with what revelations and and realizations that occur to get you there, right? So, as a lot of shows begin, I'm gonna begin with a definition of joy. And I want you to understand that what I'm sharing now is very much the 3D, the linear, the the where we're sitting right now, in the midst of this matrix, right? Because we are in the midst of a massive, massive mind control system. Whether you're on that page yet or not, that is where we're at. And our job in this system is working ourselves out, working our salvation out because we are free, baby. We are free inside, and we have just forgotten. And what this podcast and many other podcasts that are are coming out left and right now, which hallelujah, we we all need to come together and reconnect. And as you begin your search and you start searching um the word awakening, for example, or ascension, and you start delving into that information, you're gonna find your flavor. It may be free to just be, it may be uh everyday lives or um Lori Ladd or whoever. But there are voices out there, so many. Why? Because we are all different and unique. And if you have a voice, it's time for you to exercise it, whether it's a podcast or art or whatever. But anyway, I'm I'm digressing. So this definition I'm going to share is very much on the earth plane, right? And then we're going to put it up against and compare it with the spiritual truths and what I have myself discovered on and experienced on my journey. So the definition of joy is intense happiness or delight. Deep feelings of great pleasure, often triggered by what? Well-being, success, or good fortune. And I want to put the side note if you've noticed, all of those are externals, right? Getting healthy, that is something that you do, but it's outside yourself, and you're pursuing uh nutrition and you're pursuing movement and exercise and um emotional and and uh mental health, right? That's those are all externals. Success is certainly an external, and good fortune. Well, you know, then we get into the luck and and kawinky dinks and all of that, right? But it's still the reach outward, okay? Then they define happiness as opposed to joy. Happiness is fleeting, and yes, they finally defined it as an external. A reaction to positive events, for example, getting a gift or eating a good meal, right? It is the satisfaction of um, dare I say, getting our dopamine fixed, because that is what the matrix does. It sets you up for external happiness. You're only happy when you get what you want. Oh boy, have I been hit with that reality, but I'm I'm getting ahead of myself. Then the contrast is joy. Joy is sustained, in other words, it stays with us all the time once we recognize what it is, and it's internal. It is a deeper state of being that can exist even during difficult times. Why? Because it is rooted in meaning, connection, and purpose. So, wow, wow, wow, wow. Now, it's so funny that as I begin sharing what was revealed to me and what I've experienced these last couple of weeks of the year, and especially as I went through my personal ritual with God over the last three days. And that is, you know, I have said for well over 25 years that my quote-unquote life verse is out of Nehemiah chapter 8, verse 10, which says, the joy, yes, there it is, the joy of the Lord is my strength. And here I've been this last month continually asking God, God, where is my joy? Where's my joy? Uh, why did I spend so much time in December not joyful? Well, everybody else was joyful. You know, um, this is a joyful time of year. It's a time of connection and and blessing and sacredness, and but where was it? Well, there it was. The the recognition, the observer, my little four-inch avatar that sits on my right shoulder. Of course, she's in my imagination, but she's my little me, right? My mini me. And one day she said, Wow, wow, you have so much to be joyful about. What is your problem? And I was like, What? You know, I and what was I doing? I literally was resisting joy, and why is that and how how did I know that I was resisting? Well, it was it was like I could be in the room with my husband, for example, and we were in such a good place, we were enjoying each other, we were having good conversation, but I was resisting that present moment joy. Why? Because I was thinking of all the things that I, very operative word here, that I wanted to do. Well, well, well, my plans were messed up, you know, because I I expected on my first three days off. Now, notice the tone, okay. This is resistance if you if you haven't picked it up, okay? Because inside, this is what was going on. Well, on my three days off, I'm gonna do XYZ and one, two, three at this time, and this is this is how it's gonna all go down. And oh, lo and behold, my controller. And of course, you know what would happen. Because God is in the revelation business. God loves us so much that He is not going to allow any, not even a grain of darkness, especially when you're asking specifically that He would clear all your chakras, clear anything that is interfering with my clear connection, my groundedness, my alignment with Him, right? So He loves us so much that He illuminates what is causing the resistance. The other way I knew I was experiencing resistance, because I've done this many, many times. I've taught this on this podcast. I share it all the time about being the observer and choosing correctly and maintaining and keeping on your joy belt because you're gonna need it in times of struggle, right? And then when you get in the midst of the struggle, all of that goes out the window. All of a sudden you're just focused on the struggle, right? And because I've done this over and over and over again, even though most of the time it becomes a hindsight lesson, I am becoming, and I haven't said I've arrived, when it is a dance, folks. It it and I will forever try to catch myself from using the word journey because a journey uh necessitates a destination. And this is our ongoing life, and our life is not a destination. We don't end life when we reach a certain goal or a plateau or a mountaintop, right? No, we have to live. It is the process of daily going through this dance of life. It's a wonderful dance. Sometimes it's slow, and sometimes it spins almost out of control, and sometimes it flows, and sometimes it's spicy like the tango. And sometimes we feel like we can't do the dance steps, and we feel awkward, and we don't want to do it. We we we feel too vulnerable. We want to sit on the wall like a wallflower and and get me off of this dance. I'm I'm my I'm falling over my own two feet, and and this sucks, and and why are we here? And I I never said I wanted to dance. That, my dear brothers and sisters of Humanityville, is how resistance to joy, to true living, to being fully present. Oh, buddy. So my controller, especially the last three days, because this is my three days off, and it's taken me, here it is, it's 4:20 on Tuesday afternoon, the last afternoon before I go back to work tomorrow. And then I have New Year's Day off. And then I go back for two days and I'll have three more days off. And it's like it's it's it's if that if things didn't go, and even now, I as I'm sharing what I went through, the experience of it, even retelling the experience, I feel it in my body. I feel tense. I uh uh I'm I'm like this. I'm like, oh my gosh, you know, I'm not getting my way. I am not in control of what is happening right now, and I don't like not being in control, you know, control tower to Major Tom, you know, uh the liftoff has happened and and and I'm I'm I'm spinning out of control, right? And then I realized, wow, I am so tense. And so I I'm so grateful to my husband. Uh unbeknownst to him, he he did things that really helped me become aware. You know, he said, you know, we really need to go out in the sunshine and walk the dogs. And we'd go out in the woods, and inevitably, as it happens, he's got one dog on a leash, and I have one on another. And one gets slower or one gets faster. So there's a separation between us. And today he paused um right at our um uh, I don't know what you call it, a tree stand. He's put up a tree stand, and he paused and he put sniper on, he tied his leash off on a tree. And I was grateful for that because there was this great beam of sun coming down, and he climbed up in the tree stand, and I stood in that sun being, and I had an active meditation, active being that I was out in nature, and I was feeling Mother Earth under my feet, and I could feel the chi just building and the sun filling and touching my body, and I was so happy to be with the Divine Mother. And it was a glorious, it was maybe 10 minutes, but in that 10 minutes, it was like click, click, click, click, click. Everything that I had gone through for the last three days just clicked into place. All these thoughts about joy began to come in to like a um a platter of goodness, right? And I became aware of exactly where I was at. I wasn't allowing joy. Why? Because I wanted to be in control instead of what? Instead of being uh firmly planted in the present moments before me. I'm gonna backtrack for a moment and and and you'll understand why. Because you see, one of the things that I've been struggling with for a couple of months now is this call to usher in. I've been told I I am going to be one of the bridges back to connecting the the to the reconnection of you and I, Humanityville, connecting humans back to Humanityville. We are not robots, we are not programs, we are not false beliefs, we are not cogs in this matrix. We are humans that are supposed to be humans being, not humans doing, not humans addicted to dopamine fixes, not humans controlled by blue screens, not humans that are told what to do by the government. No, we are being called to reconnect with each other, and I have been told that I am one of those bridges. And I've been incredulous. What? I I am not even connected with my my own children and grandchildren right now. I'm not. I don't have a deep connection with my brothers and sisters. And you're calling me. What? What? And so it and it's funny with the you know, some of the scriptures that he's taken me to are like when Moses was called to speak to the people and he's going to God and he's saying, I have a wisp. Man, I can't even speak. What are you talking about? And God's like, Oh, don't worry. Take your brother and he'll help you speak. But you're doing this. And I know that I know that when I'm called to do something, now, unfortunately, I'm not like Mary when the angel Gabriel came and told her that she was the chosen one and she was going to get pregnant with God and having not had sex with anybody. And she just said, okay, whatever your will is. Now, of course, you know, that's my version of it, but that's, and that's not the case with me, Teresa Marie, an ambassador of qi. And might I remind you, we're all ambassadors of this qi, this energy, this life force that flows within us and around us. It sustains everything, and all of us are meant to be vessels of that. But you have to be aware of exactly where you're at. And this month especially, why was I resisting that call? That I knew eventually, not like Mary instantaneously saying, Yes. No, I was questioning why, you know, I I have I have this history, and and I don't even want to be with people right now. And and you know, I you know, I don't think I can do this. And and yet what was I doing? I was attaching my identity of the past with a call of something brand new. And need I remind myself, I had already let go of all of that. And this is what we have to remember. We can have rituals, we can have intentions, we can let things go in the fire, we can say, I recognize that I have let go of this program or that way of being or this way of thinking, and we think it is a done deal. But I'm telling you, this matrix program, and it is it is literally so it's kind of like a computer program. Uh, Carl Jung does such a good description of it, and it and it's like we have this software installed in us, and in the background, those programs keep running and keep running and keep running. And many, many um teachers out there talk about the neuroplasticity and how we can re we literally can and must, and it's up to us to begin that reprogramming of our systems, right? So you can expect on this dance of life as we ascend, as we spin upwards and then fall flat down on the dance floor because we can't do the move right now. We can expect, even if we have decided and chosen to go a completely different way, and we are, that there are going to be times and moments where familiar triggers are going to come up and trip us up, and we're gonna fall face first on that dance floor again. And that's of course what has happened this last month, right? Until I became aware. So, George Bernard Shore, oh my goodness, I I have got to read this quote verbatim, so bear with me a moment. And that is even when you know, now I've shared many times that I've known since I was 11 that there was something that I was to do. And it's now just really coming into focus in my life. But that doesn't mean that once you understand that, that it's gonna happen in the snap of the finger, that all of a sudden you're gonna be there. Now, it may happen that way for some people, but usually there is this process from beginning to end. And of course, as human nature has it, especially the program human nature, we want instantaneous microwave, we want the result now. We don't want to wait, we want to go from A to Z without every other letter in between. And unfortunately, as George Bernard Shaw so eloquently said many, many years ago, quote, this is the true joy in life. The being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one. And there's an important lesson in that statement right there, because it does not matter what anybody else thinks, and there's a whole nother episode about that, about spilling your beans, your vision, your mission, your God assignment with everybody else, and then wondering why, to resumere, people think you're freaking weird. Because it's your purpose, recognized by you as the mighty one, no matter what anybody says, right? And the being, so let me begin from the beginning again. So this is the true joy in life, the being, that's us, used for a purpose, recognized by yourself as a mighty one, the being thoroughly worn out before you, before you're thrown on the scrap heap, the being a force of nature, instead of the feverish, selfish little quad of what? Of ailments and grievances and complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. Oh, buddy, when I read that quote, I thought, holy smokeronies, this is what I've been doing all month. I I've been stuck in the past and wondering why, you know, why are we alone and why and you know, I thought I got over all that. But the bottom line of all of that, and then all right, let me let me further make myself vulnerable. It wasn't just the past, it was the wanting my own way. I I didn't want my husband home because I had plans of my own. And yet, holy smoke, what what is that? Complaining that what I wanted was not there, therefore I am not happy. And you know, it is it is the irony, the paradox of all of this, is that right before me, sitting at home with me today, who has lovingly given me this block of time to drop this podcast tonight, staring me right in the face is the deepest connection I have in life. The one in my life that really, truly, in the flesh, has accepted me unconditionally and loves to be with me. And, you know, I've even tried to resist that and say, well, his love language is time spent. In other words, he wants to spend most of his time if he could. If Roger could, he would have me with him all the time. In fact, you know, I he could just like shrink me down and take my little avatar and put him in, put me in his pocket. That would make him very happy. And oh my goodness, here I'm bellyaching and complaining about lack of connection when right under my nose, this connection has been in place for many, many years. This is a connection so deep that even when I walked out of our marriage, which really was the best thing for both of us, did not for a second give up hope, did not stop praying for me as I for him, did not ever, we both didn't ever leave that connection. But buddy, many men, most men, would have said, you know what, F that, I'm gonna go find somebody that wants to be with me, because obviously she doesn't. Well, I did, but I didn't, at that moment, at that frequency, at that negativity, at at when we were both doing what? The dance of life. So that was a great and mighty wake-up call that I had. Thank you, George Bernard Shaw. But then Eileen Caddy said, you find true joy and happiness in life when you give and give and go on giving and never count the cost. But but how do you do that? I mean, the truth is the world will tell you that that's you know, that's wrong. You you can't just keep giving and giving. And there's truth to both of that. But see, that's where balance comes in. You can't allow somebody to take and take and take, and you're not filling your own cup. But the truth of the matter is there are two things that prevent us from that happiness, and from that ability to give without ceasing. And that is just like I experienced living in the past, future tripping, and observing and comparing ourselves to others. When we observe others dance of life and say, oh, well, she does that better than me. I will give another vulnerable example. I have been green with jealousy because, oh, now listen to the tone, because I have been walking with Jesus for 42 years. And Lori Ladd just just started a relationship with him, and she's hearing all sorts of messages, and he's meeting with her. And why isn't that happening with me? Do you hear that? That is exactly why he's not meeting with me, and actually he does all the time, but she's getting a clearer message. Why? Because she devotes hours, days, 21 days fasting. She has had a background of deep channeling and spiritual experiences since she was a child. I haven't. And what did that do? Am I to compare myself with anybody else? No. But that is how the world, that's how the matrix sets us up. Sets us up to fail, I might add. Sets us up to not want to give. Sets us up to not be in joy unless we are getting our way, unless we are getting our dopamine hits, which now is almost universal, especially in the Western world. We are addicted to that blue screen dopamine, are we not? Among many other things, right? Dennis Waitley said. Oh, oh, let me finish. Swami Sagamadon, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to massacre your name, reminded us that our very own true nature is, is infinite joy. Always happy, always peaceful, always free. But oh my goodness, how do we try to learn how to be in that, to walk in that, to make it our own, so that all the time, no matter what the circumstance is, that's what I open with, right? Um, I'm flipping through my journal pages because man, I have been journaling about this for for days. I open with the very fact that joy is the happiness that doesn't depend on what happens. But we have been trained like Pavlov's dogs that we're only happy when XYZ happens. And now the crux of this whole episode is the true spiritual meaning. And I thought it was very trite years ago when I heard it, and you've probably heard it yourself. But I'm here to witness that I've experienced it and it is true. And when we operate in it, we can give and give and give and give, because over the last two days I'm experiencing the difference of what happens when we do so. And that is joy is putting Jesus first, others next, and you last. Jesus exemplified for us that here it is, the King of Kings didn't come to be served, he came to serve. The King of Kings with pure light, pure love came down and got in one of these human body suits to show us that no matter what he went through, and we all know what Jesus went through, he maintained alignment, he maintained the connection with God, his father, and he emanated love through his vessel. That's what he did. He had joy. Why? Because Jesus put God first. Jesus, God, and the Holy Spirit are one. So we are called, just like Jesus did, to put, how many times did he go away from his disciples? Went away from the crowds, went away from everybody to keep that connection with God. So our number one priority to have true spiritual joy is to put him first. Then what did Jesus do? Jesus didn't put himself first. He didn't say, I'm the king of king, come and listen to me. No, he put others first. He fed them, he healed them, he saved them from their demonic torment. He loved them, he met their needs, he washed their feet. So he again connected with his father first, then he went out and he gave and he gave and he gave to others, and then he made sure he took care of himself. This is the order of true joy. And how do I know this? Because I'm beginning to recognize, I've been asking, I've been saying, God, I so want to know what it's like, no matter what's happening around me, to be connected with you, to hear your still small voice, to feel your presence. And I've done this especially the last week, and most especially these last three days, as I did my end-of-the-year ritual. And that is every time, oh, and the resistance was so incredibly hard. And I wanted to go back to my old dopamine hits. I wanted to go back to all the things that I would reach out on the externals to make me happy, to take care of my headaches, to quell the rumbling in my belly and my desire to. I just wanted to feel joy. But you know what? Joy is a choice, and joy is an exercise. And so all the resistance that I was feeling, and I wanted to run back, and and I wanted to tell my husband to just get out. I want to do what I want, and all those moments that came up. I would pause, even sitting in the car with my husband. He didn't know what was going on, but I would just take a few internal moments and breathe and say, God, just come in, fill me, fill me, fill me. Thank you, Lori Ladd. She told me over and over again this last month, ask him in, ask him in, ask him to fill you. So I began doing that. And when I would do that many times, he would take me back to that present moment. That moment where I would just wiggle my toes in the car and I would say, I'm right here right now, sitting next to my husband, who is so joyful right now. He's so happy to be next to me. We're just doing errands. But oh my goodness, what a connection we have right now in the car. It happened while I was doing dishes. And I'm thinking, wow, there's hot water flowing over my hands right now. And I have so many really pretty dishes. And we had food that was so good just moments ago. And there are people that I know in my circle of friends, my friend Paul in Uganda, who struggles every day how to feed all the orphans he takes care of. And I have so much to be thankful for. I have great health and vibrant energy. And maybe I don't have a deep connection right now with my children, but I have connection with this man I love in this house right now. And it took me back to what I was doing. I was looking for my dopamine hit. And over the course of these last three days, every time I just gave of myself. And what did the world tell me two years ago? Whatever's not serving you, you need to let it go. So for a time I let my husband go. And yes, it did make us both recognize all the gunk that we had to look at, and we came back together stronger for it. But we have to be very careful what the world tells us. Just let everything go. You have to be very dang sure of the things that you're letting go. Because oftentimes the things that you let go are the very things that are the true, the constant, the stable, the very joy that you have been looking for right under your nose. And sometimes God will allow it. It might be your very choice to walk away from it before you recognize it's the very thing. And it could be all sorts of things. It could be letting go of that job that didn't serve you and recognizing that you weren't quite ready to step into what it truly is, that it is your purpose, right? So there's all that, it's the dance of life. So in closing, I want you to consider joy. And Matthew 6.33, I did a whole episode. You can look up Matthew 6.33. And what does Matthew 6.33 say? Seek ye first, the kingdom of God, the living translation, seek God first, just like Jesus did. And what will happen? Everything else, this is the Theresa Marie translation, everything else will simply flow into place. And that is so true. When I thought of Jesus first, and I gave to my husband, or gave my best at work, or gave the moments to a fellow employee, or gave to the cashier, or gave to my children, even if they don't give me the response I want. And you just keep on giving. But you see, the reason you can keep on giving is because you go to him first, first and foremost. Not just the first part of your day, but little moments. Five minutes here, 30 seconds there, and he's ever present in your day. And then you're able to give to others. And then it is like this momentum, because when you're doing the things that God is calling you to do, like I'm doing this podcast, but it's because I allowed myself to do all these other things that were in the flow of being present today on my last day before we both go back to work tomorrow. And I have my husband home with me. And then it all worked. We have time to do so before we have the rest of the evening together. And I am so satisfied. And now I have joy, and it works, but these things that we're told, and maybe it's maybe this is not fully resonating with you today, but maybe there's something you heard somewhere else, or in a song, or somebody that has shared with you, or what have you, whatever it is that clicks for you, it could click for you at that moment, but it doesn't get into your being. It doesn't fully become you until you choose to practice it. Because, see, that is going back to changing the neuroplasticities, changing the programming. That's our job, right? God is ever present, he's always willing to show you, and he will, and he'll even speak to you and show you. But you have to put him first. And then when you're just about his business, and what is his business? God, our Father, sent Jesus to show us. Stay connected with me, and that beautiful chi, that energy, that life force, that love and light will flow into your chakras and flow out of this physical human suit, out to what? Touch the others in Humanityville on this planet. And this planet is in a matrix, and we all want to come back to Humanityville. And what is Humanityville? It's deep connection. It's recognizing that we are all God's children, that we are all one family, that we are connected with Mother Nature, that we are connected with His Spirit, which is the Qi, that energy, frequency, love, light, the highest frequency. But we are responsible for clearing our vessels so that that can happen. And that, my brothers and sisters, is how we get back to humanityville, and that is what this ascension dance of life is. So, in closing, Dennis Whaitley is going to close us out with his beautiful quote: Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, warned, or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude. And that, my dearest brothers and sisters of Humanityville, is JOY, Jesus First, Others Next, and You last. I love you so much, and I hope that 2026 brings us all into being pure, infinite joy because you and I have chosen a new way of being. So tonight I just leave you with my ever present wish that today you have great health, vibrant energy, and the result of both of those is deep peace.