FREE2JustB
You were born with a program installed. This podcast is the override. Join Theresa Marie, Ambassador of Chi, as she exposes her raw and vulnerable journey of spiritual awakening. She’s living proof that shedding old beliefs and finding your authentic self isn't always easy, but it’s the most powerful thing you'll ever do. It's time to delete the old code, embrace your power, and step on the path to being FREE2JustB!
“This podcast is my own daily dance of transformation — my lived, honest journey of awakening — shared to help you recognize the energetic shift happening on our planet and reconnect with your own inner truth.
Through these stories and reflections, I hope to open your mind, soften your heart, and gather us back together again… not just online, but in real-life community where movement, compassion, and presence bring us home to each other.”
FREE2JustB
When Acceptability Becomes A Trap For The Soul
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
What if the most dangerous programs are the ones everyone accepts? I trace a raw, unfiltered line from eight days without my phone to the moment I picked it up, felt the dopamine surge, and slid back into old loops—scrolling, “teas,” and the familiar cul-de-sac.
I share how in retrospect, I began to dissect my conditioned behaviors, uncovering the trigger that drove my slide into my "old self" comfort loops.
If this resonates, follow the show, share it with one person who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find these tools. What’s the “acceptable” habit you’re ready to rewrite today?
Indifference to evil is more insidious than evil itself. It is a silent justification affording evil acceptability in society. And yes, I used this quote yesterday, but oh buddy, do we have a whole lot to talk about in regards to that quote? As I welcome you back in to Free to Just Be, the podcast which is my own daily dance of transformation, my lived honest journey of awakening, and I share it with you to recognize the energetic shift that we're all going through on our planet and to help us reconnect with our own inner truths. I'm Teresa Marie. I am an ambassador of Qi, just like you are. And through my stories and reflections, I hope to keep our minds open, soften our hearts, and gather us back together again, not just online, but eventually in real life community, where movement, compassion, and presence will bring us home to Humanityville and to each other. So buckle up Buttercups, like that, uh, or smash that like button rather, and subscribe to my channel, and please, please, please share this with somebody so that we can take what we're learning about algorithms and turn it for the good of Humanityville so that we can all wake up to the fact that we don't want to be programmed robots. We want to be free to be just who we are. Welcome to Free to Just Be. And I want to just uh catch us up today. Uh I'm gonna actually share how that accountability, or excuse me, acceptability in society, like the quote that I open with, drove me. I mean, that, you know, when things are acceptable with the herd around you, right? When everybody in Earth School is doing XYZ, then even though you know that you know it's not for you, you can still justify it because it's gained acceptability in society, after all, right? And I'm gonna share how that very concept drove me effortlessly back into yet another cul-de-sac. And as uh my listeners know, I I use cul-de-sac as the term to describe when we loop de loop. We're going down the path, we're making progress, and blip, we find ourselves back in a familiar pattern, a familiar program, a loop-de-loop, so to speak, a cul-de-sac. And in retrospect, I discovered the reason I got to that cul-de-sac was directly related to my lack of control about none other than my cell phone. So you see, today, even though I'm kind kind of veering in a different direction, I am still speaking about how scrolling the blue is killing the real you. So let's just jump right in. Now many of you know that uh a couple of Fridays ago, I lost my cell phone. And uh just to catch you up to speed about the actual cell phone disappearance, the following Wednesday when I went back to work, so I went Friday to Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and now I'm heading back to work on day five without my cell phone. And uh I I shared already some of the things that I went through that initial time, and here it was Wednesday, and I think I also shared an episode that as I'm heading out to work, my husband says, you know, get your cell phone, and I said, No, I'm not ready. I'm not ready to get it. So now I've gone through Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, which Friday was day seven, and Saturday is my last day on shift, and I planned on just not getting my cell phone. And I believe I shared, and I'll just share it again, that Wednesday when I came back to shift, at our morning huddle, the guy who was running the huddle made a comment about and just a reminder: if anybody finds something that doesn't belong to them, please, please, please take it to security. Like the phone that was found in a bin last night. Please make sure you do what that person did and take it to security. So, right there on Wednesday, I knew that my cell phone was found and it was sitting in that lockbox in the security office when you walk through the doors at the Amazon warehouse. Now, I'm gonna kind of bounce in and out from actual and retrospect, right? Because a lot of this was hindsight. So I'm gonna share part of the hindsight of that. So I had decided that I wasn't gonna get my phone. I knew it was there, so the relief was that it was found. I knew where it was, but if I didn't go and pick it up, I still was in control of the fact that I did not have my cell phone. This is a very important point that I have to bring out and illuminate to you all because it's gonna be an important part of the lesson that I learned that could very well help you as well. So, in hindsight, I really liked being in the control seat because you see, there was no uncertainty anymore. I knew where the phone was, but I could control when I wanted to pick it up. Now, as the sidebar, I have also shared that I have been learning and little by little studying about the anneogram, and um, that's a point right there. If you've never heard of the anneogram, it's a point for you to resurrect your own inquisition, as I always say, and look it up because it's very profound and it's very, very useful as we continue to progress along this ascension pathway that we're on, this awakening, this rediscovery of the true self that's in there, it's way hidden under all the programs, which is what we're talking about, about the blue glow and the scrolling through the screen, right? So studying the Aneagram, I have been discovering that I really my go-to, the downside, my uh two side is addictive behavior. And one of my addictive things, the bottom line of it is I like to be in control because that was something that I didn't have as a child, and I never felt safe to be myself, and I was always told what to do. So, what arose out of that was my survival tactic of nobody's gonna control me. I am in control, which of course I'm not, but thus my control freak was born back in those days, and so I have been discovering that. So that is just something I'm telling you on the front end because it's gonna be a key lesson point here in just a few minutes. So I knew where the phone was, and I chose to stay in the control seat and not pick up my phone all day Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and now it's Friday night. And now there's a turn of events. And the turn of events was that I made a grocery list and uh a delivery for Saturday night when I get off work. So on my way home, I was gonna pick up our groceries for the week because it's convenient and on the way home. So now I have a dilemma because I need that phone to pick up my groceries. So now I had this big dilemma because I I didn't really want to get my phone, but you text them, let them know you're there, what number uh parking spot you're in, and what color your car is. That's how you pick up your groceries. So I I conceded. So I had gone eight days without my phone, and uh Saturday came and I knew I was gonna be picking up the groceries, and so I think I said that it was that night, but no, it was Saturday morning. So Saturday morning uh I got there early. So I went to security, and sure enough, they asked several questions about my phone, which I answered, and there was my phone. And it it was really interesting because I didn't really um it it was very like no reaction. I had no reaction when I first got it. I was just like, oh great, I'm so glad I that you found it. And um but then I I took it, and it was like when it got in my hand, and now I'm walking from the front entrance where the security office is to the break room, and I am suddenly like euphoric. I mean, I I'm I'm kidding you not. It it was like I suddenly had a shot of feel-good stuff, right? Dopamine, right? And uh it was peaking, man. By the time I got there, I was thinking, all right, well, I bought a charger with me specifically because I knew I was going to pick it up. So see, I was already, you know, preparing myself, letting go of uh the controller. So so again, my controller was out there, and I'm like, no, I'm you know, I'm not gonna do what I think I'm gonna do, and immediately open it. Well, I did. I opened it to see if I could get in, and I did. And the first thing I did was I text my husband and I said, uh, here I am. And then I plugged the charger in. The phone was um at about 2%, which was pretty amazing, being that, you know, it I had been without it for almost eight days. And uh I didn't leave it in the break room. It the big ass charger, you know, uh, like a like a brick, went in my bag that I carry with me everywhere. And, you know, I go four hours before I have my first break. So there's my controller again, and I'm like, no, I I'm not gonna get my phone out until first break. I'm gonna let it get fully charged. And you know, I felt really good about that. Why? Because I was in the control seat, the phone was not controlling me. So that, you know, for somebody who has had a phone since phones came out, um, even though I have been backing out, even though I'm not um a social media junkie, um, I still have my real pulls to this phone, especially with podcasts, especially with my music, um, especially with um YouTube shorts. Oh, that's what get really gets me, especially with shopping, right? And I'm not even a shopper, but when I need a fix, my phone is available for me to fix myself, right? So I did. I made it to the first break, and uh as soon as I got in to the first break, I began to open things up. I saw a bunch of emails that I needed to look through, nothing majorly relevant, um, not many texts because I'm not a big texter at this at this point, and um, so then I began um catching up on some of the podcasts that I listened to. Um and yeah, so immediately I pretty much went back into what is acceptability in society. You have the phone, you use the phone. Oh, even just going over this and recognizing what I'm actually saying, it's like, oh wow, right there it started. It started, right? So then I got to pick up my groceries and I came home. And now keep in mind that it had been, oh, I don't know, three three weeks or so since my um one of my son's birthdays, where um I indulged in a couple of margaritas, and I did not like the effect at all. I've shared numerous times that I have I have walked away from alcohol only to walk back into that cul-de-sac over and over again, but just like the country song says, it's a family tradition. And that was a biggie. That was a biggie for me, and that's an another another whole aspect of this that we'll delve into at some point, but anyway. So I this is all retrospect, this is all hindsight, this is all things that I had to dissect about what occurred from Saturday morning when I picked up my phone until today, which is Tuesday. So Saturday I picked up the groceries, and I knew that one of our sons, our youngest son, was gonna be there, and uh, he was gonna spend the night with us as he often does a couple times a month, and uh I was looking forward to that, and I pulled in with a load of groceries, and I'm unloading, and they're helping me unload, and they asked the question Did you bring teas? Now, in our world, we're not talking iced tea, sweet tea, unsweetened tea, we're talking twisted teas. We're talking teas with alcohol in them, right? They taste like teas, they go down easy, and they have like five or six percent alcohol in every can. And every can, by the way, is like 154 calories. So you do the math. You you you drink six of those 12-ounce babies, and yeah, you've put away some liquid calories that have no nutritional value bloat you, and you feel like crap the next day. Why am I so familiar with this? Because this has been the pattern, and I am not even in the alcoholic realm as I was way early in my 20s, where I really drank every single day. No, this is occasional, but as a controller, for me, everything I do, it's all or nothing. It's there's no in-between. I'm a consumer. If I'm gonna do something, I'm gonna do it. That's my addictive side, right? And I've shared many, many times about the various different addictions that I went through. And so here we are, back full circle, even though I have laid it down and laid it down and I know it's not for me anymore. And it's Terry, it's the hippie freak of the South, it's my old self scrambling to get back in to who leads me. And my higher self is in play, right? But here comes my old self, and why was that? I had lost control of the phone situation, so now I had to control something else or andor feel better. So I thought I was gonna be in control because as my husband and son said, Oh, well, you you didn't bring teas home. I said, No, was I supposed to? Well, we kind of thought you'd bring them home because it is your weekend, and and I said, Well, I can go out, you know, okay. If you want to go down the road, that would be great. We would appreciate it. So I go back to the 82 market, and here, here's where I veered. You know, all this great success, eight days of success without my phone, no alcohol, I'm doing great. I am in the control seat though, right? And I had just let go of the reins of my phone. Now I know this sounds weird, but this is this is how I've I've recognized how I ended up in the cul-de-sac, right? So I wasn't feeling subconsciously, I was not feeling good about the fact that now I have my phone and I already began to use it again, and I wanted to feel better. But on my way to the 82 market, this is the conversation I had in my head. Well, I I really I I know I don't want to drink, but I got to the halfway mark to the 82 market, and by then I had justified, I had fell right into the acceptability in society, the family tradition. Well, yeah, but but son and and my husband are gonna be drinking. Well, I'll get them the 12 pack, and then I'll just get me a tall boy, just you know, like a 20-ouncer, and that'll be all on lead, to arriving at the 82 market and going inside and looking at the 12 packs in their cooler and uh picking one up, and it's not a 12-pack, it's an 18-pack. So now I went from the 20-ouncer and letting them, you know, do their 12-pack to buying an 18-pack, and as soon as I got home, I was the first one that opened one. Okay, that's how insidious. There's the word. Without even thinking, I literally stepped right off the path of progress and boom, just Slid right back in to the family tradition cul-de-sac, right? This is what we do when we gather together. So as I was prepping food for our family event Sunday and visiting with my husband and my son, and we're playing um ping pong and having a good time. Three, three teas. And then what followed the next day? We you know, we got up, I made breakfast for the guys, we were visiting, I'm doing my house chores, getting ready for people to arrive in about two o'clock, and it's only like 11:30 now, and my son and husband are out doing some chores, taking care of the chicken, putting up my new American flag, which I was so excited about, and um I'm in the kitchen by myself, and I haven't even had breakfast, I just cooked it for the guys. And before I know it, I am cracking open another tea at 11 30 in the morning, carrying it into the bedroom to go and fold laundry. And in the back of my mind, literally, I am thinking WTF Terry, what the F are you doing? Terry? And I'm saying that name in my head because you see, I know. I know when I'm aware and awake and I am consciously in my body, and I'm in in the driver's seat, well, in the the uh the side the side seat and God is driving, right? My ego's in the back when things are flowing the way it should. But no, no, no. I had shut that off, and I was in auto mode. Automatic! And why are things so automatic? Because we are programmed, folks, because we are in a matrix, because the matrix is the merry-go-round, and we have been on it for so long, it's so familiar, and you know, I am at the stage in my dance of transformation that I don't even care about the guilt or the shame or the condescension that some that might not be um on the path at all might be saying, My older Christian friends, oh my gosh, you're drinking again, and why would you be sharing this? You know, why? Because we all do this stuff, folks. It may not be a twisted tea, it may be food, it may be spending, it may be gossip, but we all have the tendency to go back to our most familiar, most used programmed behaviors when we get triggered. And that was what was really interesting was discovering the trigger. So I'm gonna literally read a little bit of how I and I'm gonna read from my journal so that you see how a person can take being in the observer seat and begin to dissect and peel back what incarnation is actually going through your head, through your body. What is happening when these cul-de-sacs, when you're dancing and everything's going great, and all of a sudden you trip over your own feet and you fall down, and then you just stay down, right? I've fallen and I can't get up. Well, we can always get up, and this is part of that process, that process of even in the midst of taking a side path again, you are more and more awake. And so it's not weeks, it's not days. Sometimes in the midst of what you're doing, you are clearly aware of what's happening, and you do make the conscious decision and just say, What the F? I'm gonna do it anyway. I know what I'm doing, but that really wasn't it took me. All right, so let me just share what I wrote. Okay. So I said Saturday night, returning home from work with our grocery pickup. The guys, my two Rogers, asked if I'd brought teas. No, but I'll go and get them. So I shared all of that about getting the teas. Then one became three, then Sunday was the whopper though. My higher self, Theresa Marie, knew I didn't want to drink. I am here to break those chains, not reinforce them. I am here as the matriarch of my family line, just like my husband is the patriarch of his family line and now our family line, and we have a history in our past of people in our life that drank. And unfortunately, and that's been a toughie, we literally brought that into our children's life, and we're watching our children in various different degrees go through the same thing that we went through, and here we are trying to be the example, and we go good for a while, and then we stumble and we fall, and we go good for a while. That is the process. You are not a hundred percent ever. It's a back and forth, teeter-totter existence. I don't know how long it could be for the rest of our time on the planet, but here we are, and if we don't talk about it, then we don't know what to expect. So, my higher self Theresa Marie knew I didn't want to drink, and yet, as I'm doing house chores and the guys are completing their outside chores, I reach for tea before eating, and I already shared that part. Let me just continue down. Um, I said retrospect, it it was if I was on autopilot. And then the coupled with the kid, I I was so excited. We hadn't had our kids in our home for well, I hadn't been in a group with all my kids um in a couple of years because I was gone from this particular house, my my marital home, right? And it had been, I've been home for four or five months, nobody had come to visit us, right? Because I've shared with you that some of my kids are happy and some of them aren't. Then I'm back with my husband. Anyway, so now I have my daughter and her husband and my granddaughter and her boyfriend from Florida coming, and we're gonna visit with our other son, and I'm so excited. But what have we done for years when we get together as a family? One or all of us. Usually there's one or one odd man out, but we all usually have something to drink. And inevitably, what we're all beginning to discover and to realize, this is when conflict comes. Oh, lo and behold, you bring alcohol into a family gathering and conflict comes, drama arises. What? Really? Oh, yes, that is the family tradition. That's what the song says, after all. I mean, you know, society says it's acceptable. See, this is the program, and these are how you become aware and you look at them clearly and begin to dissect when it was that you got triggered, why you got triggered. Now, I told you, I was out of control, and I don't like to be out of control, so therefore I was looking for something. I didn't know how it was gonna go when my family came, so I couldn't control that. So, what did I do? Did I say, hey God? No, I reached for the thing that I usually do, whatever it is that makes you feel better, that's what the go-to is. So I did. I did that, right? Ah, so and I was thinking that, you know, all the justifications began flowing, even as in the background I could hear the demonic cackling, right? Because it rose up in the background. What are you doing? You know you don't want to do this, you know your body's gonna reject this alcohol, you know you're gonna feel like crap because you don't even have that same frequency anymore. And you are trying to put the old Terry in a brand new wineskin, no pun intended, because it was twisted teas after all, but you get my drift. I am a brand new being, and I was trying to fit my old self into this new way of being. And man, so by the time my kids arrived, I was four T's in, and the reality of my choice slammed me in the gut when both my daughter and my granddaughter, within the first five minutes, said, Kinda early, isn't it, Mom? Or Grammy? And then poo-pooing it away even as the arrow struck deep in my heart. And this led to overindulging in every taboo food that I had already gotten control of. I had already well been on my way to conquering carbs, and I was eating clean and I was feeling great. And here came the yeast rolls and triscets and salami and cheese. Did I mention yeast rolls? Did I mention yeast rolls with lots of garlic butter, smothered in garlic butter, in fact, and more yeast rolls. Topped off with Sunday after my daughter and her husband left, and my granddaughter and her dear boyfriend Thomas stayed, we had double chocolate brownies with salted caramel ice cream on top of all those wonderful calories that I hadn't been eating, so you can just imagine the incredible spike of insulin that coursed through my body all through the night, woke up just feeling just fabulous, right? But Sunday night, the do debriefing, what my husband happened as we laid in bed when everybody had gone to bed, and I said, uh, I really failed today. And that's all I said, I really failed today. And what did my husband immediately come back with without even thinking about it? Because see, we have been talking about these things. He said, with the T's, right? I said, Yep, and I'm trying to figure out what my trigger was. It was almost as if the program kicked in big time, and then we discussed our family traditions, and I could go, and I I could literally um even feel my husband's guilt of thinking that he kicked the pattern in me again 26 years ago when I first arrived here. Because, see, when I first arrived from Washington State from um uh to Tennessee, we live with Roger and his then wife, his his children's mom, and uh I had been completely clean from alcohol and smoking pot, and that quickly changed. And I think to this day he feels like I, you know, that I was the one co-coerced, so to speak. But see, no, as I've always told him, I I was then a grand grown-ass adult and I was making my own decisions, and man, nobody was gonna tell me what to do or not to do, because I'm a control freak, right? And uh, but anyway, uh we were talking about this, and and then I felt led to pull up my anneagram study and the addictiveness of anneogram eight, which is what I am, and the anneogram eight is called the challenger, and that's what I've done my whole life. Uh I have challenged everyone in my path, and it it was just amazing to recognize that because I could not be in the control seat of my phone, that it ended up spiraling into not only alcohol but overeating, and then no, I it wasn't I I didn't feel bad. I didn't go through the guilt and shame part of it, but I did go through wow, here we are, here we are, not remembering that we are here to break those chains and not reinforce them. And yet, Humanityville, I vulnerably shared my falling down in this dance of life because maybe you will recognize when you fall off your path of progress and end up back in a cul-de-sac. Now, of course, um there was none of that today. It was a clear and clean day, and tomorrow I go back to work and it's over. I can't go back and change what I did, and all I can do is keep on going and prov progressing forward. But these programs are very embedded. I am gonna be 65 in uh in in about a month, and I've had 65 years of being in various programs, and so I no longer kick myself when I fall down. I'm no longer my own worst enemy, and I don't want you to be either, and maybe by my sharing and other podcasters sharing what happens with them, a lot of folks share about the science or share about um or they teach. And I the only thing I'm doing is I am sharing the things that I go through because we are all going through our own unique dance steps, and I want you to know that I am dancing alongside you. And if you have fallen, don't get pissed off at yourself, just dissect the situation, write stuff down. You'll start to see insights, you'll start to see your patterns, you'll start to understand what triggers you. Just like I explained, how being uncomfortable with not being in control got me out of control. And what did I do? I went right back in to what the matrix says is what? Acceptability in society. Everybody does it, and it's difficult to all of a sudden. I want you to picture in your head, I want to give you this word picture. Picture a massive herd of wild stallions, because we are in the year of the fire horse, right? And they're beautiful, but something has stirred them, maybe a predator, a wolf, or something has come. Um, and these are wild stallions out in the wild, and they begin to stampede. I want you to picture that stampede, all right? Get it in your head, you feel the power of it, you hear the hooves, you feel your heartbeat beating because it's fight or flight. You know, you're gonna get trampled if you don't get the hell out of the way, right? That is the force. That is the herd. And imagine, imagine the courage, imagine the strength, the fortitude, the resolve it takes to try to pull away from that powerful force. That's what we are trying to do here on this ascension journey, on this dance of life. So if you make three steps forward and you fall down, it could be that the herd is pulling you. The herd is powerful. The herd was your family. For you pick it, you tell me how long you've been programmed. From the moment you you got here, the programs began. So do the math, you know, and then you can subtract from when you began to be awake. And the more you awaken, the more you cannot hide it. You have to see it because once that box opens, there's no putting it back. Now you're gonna see it more and more and more. So use that to your advantage. Begin to, even in the midst of it, be the observer. I was kind of the observer, you know. I was like, I mean, as I took that tea into the bedroom to go fold laundry at 11 30 in the morning, I literally was thinking, wow, what the heck? What the heck, Terry? And then, you know, that was a key to me. I was like, oh, Terry, oh, oh yeah. You're trying to resurrect, you know, and I didn't. But here's something that I could have done. Wow, it just hit me like a ton of bricks right now. So thank you, Humanityville. You you're kind of giving me a a little key or a golden nugget for the next time that it happens because there'll be a next time. I'm aware of that. I can't control everything all the time. I am not God. I'm a little g. OG God, the original, our creator. We don't have his kind of power yet because we're not clear enough, we're not grounded enough, we're not aligned enough, we have not healed our inner child enough yet. That's our job. It's not his. Right. So what I could have done was, as I recognized, wow, what is going on? What is going on? Why am I doing this? I could have said, Terry, you're backtracking here. You're grabbing a tea like you used to. What's what's going on here? And then I could have talked to my little girl at that moment and said, You're okay. You don't need a tea. You're safe. You're here with your husband, your kids are coming, you're gonna have your granddaughter here, it's gonna be a great day. But no, I shut that down. Why did I shut that down? Because the program that I've used my whole life currently is still quite a bit more powerful than the neuroplasty program, the good one that I am trying to replace. So, notice, dissect, delve into it, and this is how we heal. This is how we step out of the herd mentality. So, tomorrow we will pick up with a continuation of more in depth looking at how scrolling the blue is killing the real you. And I just shared a good two days worth of how I kind of digressed. And yet good came out of it. I learned some lessons. And the next time it comes up, I think I'll be more prepared. How about you? I hope you gathered some value that you can use on today's podcast. I hope you have a fabulous Wednesday night full of wonder. And uh I wish you nothing but the greatest health and vibrant energy for your days, and of course, peace.