Can 2 Controllors Learn New Ways To Communicate?

I love my husband deeply and still feel my nervous system spike when he interrupts "MY" plan. That’s where I start: the gritty, honest reality of two “controllers” learning how to stay married while stepping out of old programming, childhood trauma reflexes, and the need to manage everything. I share a real snapshot from our home that reveals how control often disguises fear, how tone turns sharp fast, and how a single word like “whatever” can signal it’s time to pause instead of push harder.

So, as we’re all navigating marriage growth, spiritual growth, or an “awakening” that changes how we see work and life, you’ll hear practical ways to stay grounded while we all evolve. If you want better communication skills, healthier conflict resolution, and a calmer mind, I’ll leave with a simple practice you can use today.
If this resonates,  SMASH THE LIKE BUTTON, subscribe, share it with a friend who needs a reset, and leave a review so more people can find the show. And as always, I pray for your GREATEST health, VIBRANT eneregy and of course PEACE!

Transcript

Opening And The Core Metaphor

SPEAKER_00 0:01

You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, and know when to run. And I'm gonna share with you on today's episode what to do when two controllers get together and try to have fun. And I am Teresa Marie, an ambassador of God Chi, and your host of this podcast called Free to Just Be. And if this is your first time, I have been sharing my lessons and dance of transformation for, I don't know, uh about three uh three and a half years. And I hope that you find some value in my stories and my real-time lessons and how I tell on myself, because what I do on this show is often share things that first off, I'm going, God, I'm not sharing this. I'm I'm come on, man, I don't want to share this. And then I share it, and then I have people say, Wow, I can't believe you shared that. But wow, am I glad you did? Because I am not alone. And that is a big point of this, as we make this incredible energetic shift collectively as a species of human beings, trying to get back to Humanityville. Because you see, Humanityville is where we feel like ourselves, where we're free to just be. But unfortunately, we all find ourselves not in Humanityville, we find ourselves trying to break free from programming and from false beliefs and from what I call the matrix merry-go-round. And we want so desperately to just get off and learn how to ride the rolly coaster of life where we go wee wee wee up the hills and down to the valleys and find ourselves often curled up in the fetal position wishing that we could just get off the world. And I'm here to tell you, you're not alone. I have been through many, many, many fetal position dark nights of the soul, and today I'm gonna share what it looks like when two awakened people who have similar um control issues get together and try um successfully, I might add, to be in a marital relationship and not kill each other. How about that for reality, right? So um it is it is so funny to me to watch the antics that my husband and I have together and to watch the unfolding and the transformation that is occurring. Um and today was no one, well, let me share. There's been a couple of very um significant things that have happened over the last three or four days. Um one is I think I've already shared it, but I'm gonna share it again because it's very noteworthy. Um hearing my husband share with uh one of our sons that he's a warrior becoming a farmer. Very super significant because um my husband is in the place of his transformational dance, where he is trying to ascertain what his next move move is in in this game of life, right? Uh he spent a good 34 years doing the same trade, very excellently, I might add, has an incredible work ethic. And where does the Spirit of God have him right now? Well, he's working with somebody, and this this just cracks me the heck up. After a a week or so of working with um the guy he's working with currently, who is an independent contractor, so he's not dealing with any of the Matrix BS, which is great, but after about two weeks he came home and he said, Oh my gosh, I am working with a male version of you. What do you mean? I asked. Well, he he he doesn't have any time management skills, and he's all over the place, and you know, he doesn't pay attention to detail when he's driving, and and and and and you know, now uh close to six months in, my husband is learning to relax, to let his new boss be himself, and to recognize that not everybody is him, and not everybody does things the way he would prefer, and that perhaps he was put into this gentleman's life so that he could be a mirror to that person, and that person could be a mirror to him. Um another new thing that has occurred in our life is uh the questioning. Well, maybe I don't want to do this for the rest of my life, and the delight that my husband discovered using his creative skills, he is a um uh a sheet metal mechanic, but that goes far beyond just sheet metal. I mean, he can work with wood and and basically um my husband was raised to be very frugal and very conscious of the materials and the resources that you have around them, uh, because you never know when that resource might come in handy. And I have always been, why are you saving all this junk? And I just want to clear everything, I want my spaces clear and wide open. Um if something is coming in, then something has to go out. That's kind of my concept, and my husband is the complete opposite. We're we're gonna hold on to things, and I've teased uh in the past about, you know, his uh uh parachute pants from the 80s, you know, that you know, he's never gonna wear, but we still have them, that type of thing. But he I just watched this, it's like this unfolding, this creativity pouring out of him, and uh the excitement and the delight that I watched, the the joy and the shine coming off of him as he worked on our what I just thought was going to be, you know, um s a couple of cattle panels bowed into a trellis, and instead we ended up with my husband's uh ingenuity with a completely closed-in 16 by 8 foot trellis tunnel that has a front and a back door completely open to the sunlight, and it's gonna be a beautiful literal greenhouse uh through the spring and the summer, and then we're gonna cover it with heavy gauge plastic to make it a continual grow uh greenhouse for the fall and the winter. Thus, all of a sudden, he's beginning to be opened to the possibility that this warrior can also be a gardener. And make no mistake, for 20 years I have begged God and then realized I didn't need to beg because the visions and dreams that I've had for over 20 years on this property, which I consider holy ground, um, I began to claim. Thank you, thank you, God, that this front area, this this acre in the front of our house is going to be a food forest, and we're gonna help so many people in our community. And then we have a couple of neighbors that we haven't really talked to suddenly stopping in. And so if you haven't picked up that those dreams and those visions have been manifesting, now has it been in my time frame, uh, the timeline that I would prefer? If I had my druthers, I would already be out of Amazon, I'd be doing nothing but working in the garden, and we would be 80% further on the um food forest concept, and I would already be going out in the community, offering my moving meditations and and the other arms of my mission that I've been working towards. But here we are. Let me share another way that two controllers come together and start so thus this morning. You know, it's Saturday, this is my husband's day off, this is my last day off. So, of course, my controller. This morning I got up before my husband, about almost two hours before my husband, because I was gonna work on my written material. I have things that I want to push forth, and you know, I'm on this um this structured time frame because I have been given certain dates and and and and and that's my controller. Anytime it's like uh uh uh rush, rush, rush, have to, have to, should, should. And what Teresa Marie, the former Terry Wilson, hippie freak of the South, who, you know, uh thinks that she's this rain shower, but really stresses and gets full of anxiety and overwhelm because of what? Because I think it should be done a certain way. And what is the Spirit of God telling me? Relax, come and sit on my lap, let me show you the golden steps that we're gonna take. Take a breath. We're in no rush, we're on my timeline, and that is a very scary place to be when you know you uh haven't ever really walked in that. That's a major new step for me. And yet, uh just like I'm looking at right now on my desk, suffering is when I don't feel like I'm in control, and now I'm beginning to recognize, as is my husband, that we are walking ourselves out of that control seat. And I'll give you today's example. So as I said, I had a plan, and then my husband got up, and I'm already in my office, I'm sitting at my desk with my first cup of coffee, maybe even my second, right? And uh he's he I can hear him, and uh he he said, uh, well, I'm I'm I'm getting ready to get up and come out and hang out in the kitchen with you. And I was thinking, Oh man, I'm gonna have to, you know. And yet my higher self, my Theresa Marie voice, is saying, Yes, this is your day with your husband, and that's exactly what you have to do. And my resistor, my controller's going, oh, but, but, but. So then I go in and we're sitting and and you know, he wants some help on the computer, and his way of showing that he's making his effort to be a new individual because we are. Every time you drop a program or an old way of being, we step into being that new creation. Well, it's not really a new creation, it's new to us, but it's who we always were, the spark of God. But man, it's new, it's new, it's like putting on uh a new suit of clothes. It's it's like the word of God talks about you can't put new wine in an old wineskin, and so this new skin feels a little bit weird. And I watched my husband very um in a very controlled way explain, you know, well, of course, you know, you you don't want to give me the attention. You, you know, you want to do your thing, and and uh, you know, I just you can't even take a minute and come and see what it is I'm talking to you about. And that hit my heart, and I thought, yeah, he's right. And immediately my controller wanted to bite back and say, you know, yeah, but but and I did a little bit. I said, you know, you're marrying me, and I'm marrying you. And he looked at me like, yeah, whatever. And and yet there was an effort, and I so appreciated that. And we are learning how to communicate with one another in brand new ways. So, um, you know, you can make it comical, you can uh if you don't know what to say or do, and you feel yourself wanting to just immediately react, that's your indicator that your old self, your program self, your uh uh full of childhood trauma self is rising up and wanting to take the helm again. And what did Christ say? We didn't come to be served, we came to be servants of all. I mean, heck, he washed people's feet. So in every conflict that you face, especially if you have controller issues, and I I I just walked through a process with another controller and came out, we're still friends, we're still married, and we're better for it because we recognize that we can be heard, we can be seen, and we can learn how to communicate in new ways. Now, did we both have kind of a condescending edge on the tone of our voice still? Absolutely. Uh, you know, um, I can't remember what Raj said, something like, um, oh, are you you you trying to get my goat or or you know, you're trying to be condescending, I can't remember. But, you know, he kind of called me to the carpet about it. And in those moments, i a very good practice uh of communication style is to pull in that old adage, when in doubt, don't. And man, am I preaching to myself? Because if anything, when in doubt, that's when I in my former self would talk more, would try to prove my point more, would push more, would manipulate more, would try to steal the other person's energy more, as would my husband. And that's why, you know, it would end up in uh one of us walking out of the room and inevitably one of us saying, whatever. And whatever is is really the indicator that we need to step away from each other and recognize what exactly really is happening. We really don't dislike each other, we really love each other, we really do work together well when we learn how to communicate well with each other. So it's all a process. So I just wanted to hop on today and encourage you that in this transformational dance that we're in, and as these shinier, much higher frequencies continue to pour onto the planet, as more truth is revealed and more people are coming home to the true person that they are, and the more people leave behind program and program and false belief after false belief, that increases their shine. And this is happening worldwide. And this is why, now, what did I see? First thing, and I'm not gonna lie, I get sucked in left and right. This is the second morning in a row that I picked up my phone before going to God. Oh my god, yeah, I I do it too. Because we are human as as the song of shine down that we play all the time in this household, it's just part of being human. And when I picked up my phone yesterday and today, what did I see? Massive. I I'm I'm telling you, as somebody who for a good ten years followed the news trail down dark, dark holes. I I've talked about that episode or that chapter of my life rather, ag nauseum by now. And so I know what the propaganda machine does, but I am telling you that the last three or four days, especially, it is as if it's three thousandfold. And why is that? Because more and more truth is being revealed. Our president, like him or hate him. Um, I personally really uh pray that his arrogance would just dissolve. I pray that he would stop tooting his own horn. I pray that his communication style would simmer down a little bit, but yet this is a man that's getting things done. And as he's having these conferences talking about um actualities that are happening around the world that by the way, nobody is reporting on. In fact, when little snippets of the truth come out, then they bamboozle and cover up all the good. And so I have decided that I am going to start uh using the news to the advantage of you and I, Humanityville, because that's where we want to go back to. We want to go back to a humanity ville where we are all free to be who we are, where we're not controlled, where we're not being robbed blind, where we're not manipulated and told what to do. But in order to do that, we have to retrain the way we think, and we have to start focusing not on all this propaganda and all this other bullshit, but we have to start pulling out the good seeds. We have to start magnifying the positive stuff. And I'm not talking about um, you know, disregarding and acting like we're not in the midst of you know uh this tumultuous, horrible life. I mean, because right now the world is freaking crazy. This is true, but at the same time, there is so much good in the world. And imagine if in the collective, 20 people, then 200 people, then 2,000, then 200,000, if over and over on a daily basis we started to say, no, I'm not listening to that crap, I'm going to allow myself to fill up with this good stuff, with what's pure and lovely, just like the word of God says. Where you focus on, that's what grows. And so if you're still focusing on all the negativity and all, you know, all the fact that we're being robbed, and and if you're believing and and spitting out and repeating and only talking about what they who want us to be in that herd mentality want us to think, then you're not helping yourself or the collective. What you're doing is you're anchoring all of that bullshit to yourself, and you're making yourself another program that eventually you're gonna have to walk yourself out of. So I've decided that uh every day I'm gonna do like a one minute little short about something. Good that's happening on the planet. And maybe collectively we can start amping up that. And imagine if all the good that's happening around the world begins to literally overshadow the propaganda that they are hitting us with three thousand fold, right? So on that note, I am gonna go check with my husband and find out what together we're gonna do today on a Saturday. And just know that if you are in a marriage with somebody that is also a controller, just know that each of you, remind yourself, each of you is in this dance of transformation, each of you is learning to become who you really are, and that is a process. And so even in the midst of that relational and and new ways of communicating comes into your day, if if it starts to escalate, just take a breath and say nothing for a minute, and say, God, fill me. Show me what's happening here. You know, he will. He can take 15 seconds and say, Yep, you're witnessing transformation. Wow, did you notice the good part of what was just said? And then you can take that and you can say, Wow, I just noticed you did XYZ. Do you see? But this is newness. So don't beat yourself up if it feels weird that you're wearing this new set of Holy Ghost clothes. Because that's what we're really doing. We are remembering that we are sparks of God and that truly we have the same things inside us to operate just like Jesus. But dude, it is weird to even consider that we could be like Jesus, right? Because we have been told all our lives that we are darn sinners that are going to hell. And we have forgotten. So cut yourself some slack and go give your spouse or significant other a big old hug. And as always, I pray that you have the greatest health and the most vibrant energy today, and of course, peace.