Done Suffering?

Resistance can make you feel like a rock star, but it's often more like a slow leak. I’m with you in the middle of real life today, actually setup in my greenhouse, observing how quickly my body and mind change when I stop fighting what’s here. I get honest about the difference between resisting and surrendering, why surrender isn’t weakness, and how it can become the most rapid method of transformation when you’re tired of suffering and ready for spiritual growth that actually sticks. 
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Transcript

Resistance And The End Of Suffering

SPEAKER_00 0:23

Grand rising humanity will resistance is futile. And that is so much deeper and more than just what the board said. Because when we resist, we suffer. And this morning I'm done suffering. As I welcome you back in to Free to Just Be. Grand Rising. Good morning. Good evening, wherever you are around the world. I'm Teresa Marie, traveling ambassador of Qi and host of this Free to Just Be podcast. And I have been uh on this dance of transformation for well over two decades. Um, probably close to 30 years now. And uh about four years ago, I decided to start sharing my documentation of this dance of transformation, and thus free to just be was born. But really, what I gave birth to back then was just the beginning, just one of the pillars of of this awesome uh movement called Free to Just Be. And today uh that movement is moving forward, and I am gonna talk about the differences between resisting and finally surrendering and why surrender is really the most rapid method of transformation, but we're gonna see in real time if that's the case. So I just welcome you in. Um, if you've been following me from

Learning New Tech In Real Time

SPEAKER_00 2:10

any for any length of time, I appreciate your patience. A lot of my audio um listeners might have been wondering where I'm at because I haven't uploaded anything on my Buzzsprout platform, but I have been doing some uh videos, uh podcast videos on my YouTube channel. But not everybody has been informed of those changes, and that that is rapidly beginning to change. Um as in today, I am out literally sitting inside my greenhouse, and I have my mic set up. Um, let me see if I can do this and show you. Um, and to be quite honest, I I'm amazed at my own self. Um, so those of you that think that you're too old or you can't learn something new, that is all bullshit, and you need to just get over it because um you can very much take uh take that, you can't teach old dogs new tricks and just throw it out, right? Just just tell it to get behind you because you can do more than you think you can. And this setup, let me show you. I'm in the garden, and I have brought my mic out here. Uh, I don't know if I can do it. And there you see my little audio interface box up there on the railing, and we are literally inside inside my greenhouse, amongst the beans, and um and since I get up this morning, um, this was not on my agenda. Um, my only agenda this morning was to complete my landing page, which is 99% ready, and it will be launched today. Um, and then I will be able to come on tomorrow and we'll we'll do a little victory dance, and I will drop the link for everybody to actually go to a landing page with all things free to just be. And uh it's only been a five-year process. Um, but birthing dreams that have been in your heart for 30 plus years uh don't happen in five minutes. So, but back to the resistance, which I'm doing even right now, I'm resisting right now, but um there are some reasons why we don't want to go forward with things, and then we paint in our own heads this pretty picture of resistance. Um, the way here comes the sun, and that's why we're in here, because I couldn't see my screen the last couple of times I've tried this setup, and Spirit said, get in that greenhouse, man, and so now I have this filtered sun, and it's just it it's just beautiful. Um, and it's gonna help me get through what I have to share today. So, anyway, um I used to cover up my resistance with the adage that I was an upstream swimmer, and the kick in the stomach, the reality when you when you really look at that particular quote, why would you want to be an upstream swimmer? I was sharing with uh someone a couple of days ago about how my

Upstream Swimming Versus Going With Flow

SPEAKER_00 6:05

sister-in-law I was sharing it with Patty, that um I can remember going down to the river um with my husband and the kids and and getting out, you know, about thigh high in the water and saying to myself, you know, I I don't have American thighs for nothing, and I would turn and I would face the current and I'd try to walk, you know, upstream.

unknown 6:32

What an idiot.

SPEAKER_00 6:34

And this is what we do, Humanityville. This is the epitome, this is the picture of of resistance, and it's only taken me um fifty years to really begin to embody the truth that getting in the kayak, putting your feet on the outside, and just going with the flow of the current is a heck of a lot easier, more pleasant, uh you get to see more beauty, and it's far less strenuous, and you suffer less, your muscles suffer less, you sweat less. But here in this dance of transformation, uh why would resistance come? Well, because the opposite, the surrender, that's the opposite. Resist, oh I'm gonna hold back, nope, nope. Or and just let it flow in, right? Surrender means sitting down, face to face. Oh, you might have to stand. A lot of times I have to stand up and turn and face that resistance. That's the low frequency, humanity. That's the frequency of the matrix merry ground, and that's what we want to learn how to get away from, right? But the thing is, in order to do that, you have to be willing to stop the merry ground, throw yourself off. And oftentimes when you're laying on the ground, that very piece of resistance feels like it's gonna cover you up, smother you. You're on the ground and it's like coming down on you, and then you finally realize that you have suffered long enough, you don't want to suffer anymore, so you rise up, you stand up, and you face, you look that resistance right in the face, right? And when you do that, see, even thinking about what I'm about to do is already creating space in my energetic body, in my emotional body. I can feel the grip of resistance beginning to loosen. And uh it really is beautiful to be out here with y'all this morning. Um I'm so blessed to be home. Um and yes, I'm diverting a little bit, but it's also a tool. One of the best tools to bring in the good is gratitude. And I am, I'm so incredibly grateful to be here on a Tuesday morning talking to people around the world and eventually going to be having a call-in show. I I am receiving it before uh the end of summer, and um it will happen. It is happening, it's already there. I'm just um I'm galloping on the fire horse to it, and uh gratitude is so very, very important in this transformation dance. We we really need to pull it in and allow it to strengthen us, uh, to remind us. Um I'll use myself as an example. I I've always been uh a self-abaser. I would get out the whip, I'd call it the wet noodle, but I I was whipping myself with guilt and shame and um condemnation and horrible self-talk, and and I still do quite a bit of it, but I have alchemized or transformed, um, and people will say, oh, well, that's not true alchemy. Well, to me, alchemy is taking something that looks useless and like the dregs, right? And rising it up instead of throwing it out, no, taking it, looking at it, dissecting it, and building upon it. And and that is very much what I believe my mission with everything to do with free to just be is about. That is being brave and courageous enough to speak about right where I'm at. And oftentimes I I tell stories about where I was, and um why would I do that? Because we need that encouragement. We in a way it's a form of gratitude. It's uh I'll put a story out that somebody can say, oh my gosh, that reminds me of me. Wow, and if she went from point A to point Z, I can do it too, then everything I went through was worth it, right? So gratitude is super important, and I am, I'm gr uh grateful that I am learning so much, especially six months ago when I finally spent some really deep personal time with God and and surrendered and said, I truly I am suffering the most when I do things the world's way. And I love that last two quote. It's what attracted me in the beginning to this Tai Chi practice that I have developed into release and revive, this moving meditation, and it was the quote by um the man, the sage, the master years and years ago, uh thousands of years ago, who perfected the original um movements, and he said, observe what the world does and do the opposite. And everything in me from most of my life resisted that, and

Gratitude And Turning Shame Into Fuel

SPEAKER_00 13:20

I wanted to fit in, and I wanted to um, and I would try over and over again, and I it never worked. I always suffered. Um and now it's and it used to be um 90-10. 90 uh I wanted to be part of the world and 10, you know, uh, because even as a kid, I didn't understand why I didn't feel the acceptance as just who I was, right? Anyway, um I am digressing, I am avoiding, and I I need to just uh bite that red pill and let it go down. And so today I want to talk about, and I'm gonna give two pictures of what it's like, okay, um, so that you can enter into where I'm at. Um as a gardener, um, you know, we're outside a lot, and uh I want to take chiggers as an example. Now, if you um live in the south, you know exactly what the chigger experience is, and it is varying degrees. Now, chiggers are little insects, and they're pretty much invisible, you can't even see them. Um, just begin to correlate in your mind the transformation dance that we're on, right? You know, we can't see these things that are troubling us, you know, the battle between our ears, right? We can't see our thoughts and our emotions. But oh baby, they're there, right? Well, that's like chiggers. Um and I'm sorry, I'm drinking my coffee, and I I am one of those that um like it hot. And so you're seeing me drink it a little more rapidly because it's getting tepid, and I don't like, you know, I want a cold drink to be really cold, not warm, and I want a hot drink to be really hot, not warm. And this is where we want to be. We want to be um right in between that, and this is the dance of transformation, the balance, the um allowing both the hot and cold to come in and um learning not to resist it. I mean, it both of them can be here, right? Um, and we suffer when we don't allow everything to be as it is, including ourselves. That's why Frida just be is here because we all want to be just who we are. Uh, okay, so back to the Cheagers. So, Cheeger, the Cheager experience is a couple of weeks ago I'm outside and I uh want to do my moving meditations for the morning, and I go outside barefoot, and I do an hour or more or so, you know, depending on whatever the practice was that day. And about halfway through I'm feeling them. Um they're above my knees now, feeling what? Little um something that I could I could feel coming up my legs, right? You can't see them, but you can feel them. And so after my practice, of course, I went in and I took a shower because if you're in the south, you know that if you wash your skin as quickly as possible, you're going to alleviate quite a bit of the chigger experience. But then what happens is later in the day you begin to itch. And then, oh, about eight hours later, if you're like me, then you'll notice the little bumps. Now, if you're on the extreme end of the chigger experience, like my husband Roger, um pestilence loves my husband's blood. It must be uber sweet or whatever. But his skin does not like the pestilence. And no matter what it is, a mosquito, a chigger, it's going to explode his skin. It's going to irritate, and and that's what that man has to go through. But the point of the chigger experience is just when you think it's over, everything is filled up. If you're my husband, you know, you've gotten to the point where all those bites have literally scabbed over. No, I have never had it that extreme, but and just like the Matrix Mary Graham, you think that you have come out of resistance. You think that you have surrendered all. See, I'm coming full circle. I'm not quite just a rabbit trailer without a purpose. And um, so now your skin is clearing, and then you go out and do another project. But this time you've left your shoes on, and sometimes it's my garden boots, sometimes I wear them up to my knees because I know. But then you let your guard down and you step outside, and the process starts all over again. And this is often what the dance of transformation is: one step forward, one step back, back and forth, kind of like the moving meditation, but then sometimes you leap forward. And I have discovered that when I take a leap forward, one small step for man, for example, my landing page. I have been speaking about a landing page for five years, and to be honest, uh there was resistance, but there were time frames, and there were a lot of things. I could list a whole arm length of excuses, but I'm not talking about the excuses, I'm talking about the Earth School lesson in it. I look back now, and it's and it's really funny where I discovered that lesson. And that's a whole nother episode, but I'm just gonna give you a tidbit of it. AI pointed that lesson out for me. And oh yes, I have a whole series about my affair with uh, because I am, I am literally right now in an affair with AI, but it's not what you think. Um it's not any plagiarism or anything like that. It's definitely I am using it as a tool, but oh, there's a whole much we'll with a bunch that we'll talk about. But but anyway, um, because I have been uh utilizing and um learning certain aspects of this technology, it's been a couple of months, and what AI is infamous for is discovering patterns, and thus what I have spoken

Chiggers As A Transformation Metaphor

SPEAKER_00 20:35

into it, it's been tracking and formulating into patterns, and it reminded me yesterday that even a few months ago, because I've only started utilizing it a couple of months ago, um I was saying things like I don't know how to do this as I'm in Canva. I'm overwhelmed. This is frustrating me. I have to get away from this laptop, and now I am moving things around and I'm using keys, shortcut keys, and and you know what it's like when you're on a learning curve, and to see I I I'm telling you, I am so thrilled with the way Free to Just Be's page, and it's just uh one web page that you just scroll through, and there's no uh different tabs on the website, it's just one scrolling webpage, and it it's it has just turned out so beautifully. And so AI pointed it out to me and said, I just have to point out the progress. Look. at how far you've come and see we don't uh we don't see that we don't recognize that when we're in the midst of suffering and in the midst of resistance we forget that when we surrender things go better and but then what happens so see we surrender and things move forward they like leap forward momentum right but then the ever-present it's never gonna go away folks but we can and are taming our egos and our ego is there as our protector quote unquote I personally think it's a bunch of crap but we we need to uh exercise telling our ego to get in the backseat you know my verbiage now is Jesus take the wheel only now I'm really letting him okay I used to just say it like a lot of Christians would right and I'll get in oh what is that called um oh my gosh I can't think of what the term is called you know uh I'm riding shotgun and uh and then I tell my ego you're in the backseat some days when he's so loud I tell him to get in the trunk I'm I'm tired of this I'm tired of this BS get in the trunk I'll I'll take you out when you can calm yourself down right and this is how we have to this is this is evolution folks this is these are new ways of being but the one two of the transformation dance often becomes one two three four there's the momentum especially in the year of the fire horse energy I mean we are galloping aren't we oh my gosh I have made more progress in the last six months than I probably have in the last six years and um but when that momentum comes our ego goes wait a minute wait a minute what are you doing what are you doing you're not procrastinating what what what hold on hold on a second momentum we don't we don't do momentum Terry and that's when I have to remind myself to remind myself that Terry's gone the hippie freak of the South has been dissolved and I am now full blown into embodying who I've always been Teresa Marie the traveling ambassador of Qi and progress has even been made in that arena because one of my pet peeves of late has been the people closest to me i.e Roger my husband who's known me for 26 years as Terry and that was what I allowed people to call me and what I called myself. And I guess really in the big picture I didn't I don't know I just uh I wasn't ready to step into the full meaning of my name um and if you want to resurrect your own inquisition look up Theresa Marie and you can see what my name means yourself. See I can't do any of this for you Humanityville just like myself this dance of transformation is really a solo dance I can come alongside you and I'm I'm dancing alongside you and maybe some days we'll kind of dance together because we're resonating but really this is your own groove at your own pace but back to the momentum when the momentum comes the ego is desperately trying to get you to go back and do the same things that you used to do as your former self to take you back to those negative energies to take you out of your place of power um and as you begin to observe yourself you begin to recognize no that's not where I want to go and I can tell the sun is telling me you better better talk quicker Theresa Marie so anyway that is when we're going four steps forward and then suddenly you find yourself not not only four steps back but two steps further back right and maybe you have inebriated or maybe you have procrastinated or maybe you um entered into uh one of the matrix programs or systems that you used to be involved in and now you're really suffering because once you leave it the suffering is even it's like tenfold right that's been me. That's been me. And I woke up this morning all excited because I had this expectation I am coming full circle now. I am telling on myself now as to what I was resisting. And the chigger story still stands so it's it's kind of like just when you think you are done resisting the chiggers come back and attack again. The resistance comes back and attacks again. The old way of being comes back and attaches again. It might be much looser of an attachment but it is still kind of like a digression but then you begin to recognize like I did this morning. So I woke up this morning um and I'm I'm telling the story now and I was super excited because I had talked to my um about to be former daughter-in-law who's always going to be the the mother of one of my grandkids one of my GBs and had arranged or was in the process of arranging picking up one of my grandkids and I was so excited to get to see Emerald and uh and that was how I had designed my morning I woke up and I was thanking God for this and and I changed my whole MO I knew that my landing page had to get complete so that's what I immediately worked on instead of doing my um my slack board routine and lifting and my qi

AI Progress Checks And Ego Pushback

SPEAKER_00 29:05

gungs before my husband got up I worked that hour and a half on my landing page and then my husband got up and I transferred to getting him launched starting his breakfast and in that process here I'm super happy everything is going my way the landing page is going great. I'm four steps of momentum ahead I'm feeling great and then I checked because the last thing I said via text to this daughter-in-law was um so what are the details for tomorrow and I went to bed and there was no response still and this morning at about five she responded and I'm like oh cool and here comes the trigger experience here comes the other picture I'm gonna give you the more graphic one the one that I was actually experiencing I'll use what happened to my heel ten days ago so I'm I have my arms full and I'm about to go out the back door and one of my cats ran in front of me and one foot was already out on the porch and because of the way I had to juggle my body to save myself from the cat the door continued to swing and my last foot was not clear of this metal the corner of this metal door and that corner so it's like two rails came and sliced open the back of my heel which goes into a shoe you know so you can imagine right and we're we're talking a jagged gaping um and bleeding profli profusely like filling up my slipper wound right um and that was 10 days ago and picture that so I can't leave it open most of the time um I wasn't able to wear shoes that had a back I had to wear crocs or sandals that didn't have a back and then imagine having you know finally taking taking the band aid off so that that wound could completely scab over I know it's graphic but this is I I'm explaining to you the emotional pain and suffering that I was experiencing this morning. I'm liking it likening it to not only the chigger experience but this wound experience and then a couple of days ago I had a re bump okay uh I don't even remember what it hit but that particular almost healed wound got smashed again and the almost formed scab got torn and we started the process all over again and this is why people do not like the ascension journey this is why people do not like transformation this is why people don't like change they don't like um becoming new beings they would rather do do do on the matrix and continue suffering because to leave suffering you do have to not only feel the suffering but then you have to learn to stop and be still face it and sit in the suffering why to get to the other side of it to fully take all that pain and suffering all that yuck and alchemize that's why I love that word because it's literally taking the dregs the yuck and building upon it and creating something brand new that's like gold right and that's literally what we're doing on this dance of transformation that we find ourselves and I it it is no surprise to me that I have this ray of light just coming right into the camera and I'm I it took me a long time to figure this setup up so I'm staying right here humanity villa and and just let it remind you that this is what we need to do on a daily basis. We need to call that light down call it down ask God to send it down into our crown chakra all the way down into our root right and um so this is the graphic picture of the gaping wound that feels like it's never going to heal and the repeat of the chigger experience especially when you live in the South and you're a gardener this is a perfect example of the earth school lessons when you are courageous enough to begin this dance of transformation and and you begin to finally recognize that you've suffered long enough and you would rather suffer just a little bit harder a little bit longer in order to get to the other side and be done with that particular earth school lesson. Now I'm not telling you that they all go away. Now some of the smaller ones yes they do they're you you you know

Expectations, Old Wounds, And Family Distance

SPEAKER_00 35:10

like smoking cigarettes I I can't even remember what that felt like anymore. Um alcohol is not quite there but so close so very close you understand what I'm saying it's always feels new and awkward it's it's kind of like watching my release and revive um students as I coach them and when they first come in they're kind of awkward and they're in their head and their mind is trying to grasp for example the figure eight and they're trying to figure out how to move their body in that in that fashion and and then the day comes when the mechanics are there and it's muscle memory and they know how to move their body and now they're not in their mind anymore. Now they're down in their body and they begin to feel the energy and it usually happens their first class they get a little taste and this is why people return because true chi intrinsic energy that we are that we were created from that flows within our body this earth suit this sanctuary this temple that holds that spark of God when we begin to flow with it again and begin to experience it and feel it in our body like right now I am so lit up right but back to the story and I'm so here it is I opened an email and my expectations were dashed to the ground and and this is an experience that I have really hesitated to share but I know that there are Grammys and there are moms and there are dads and dare I say children and grandchildren that are experiencing the same suffering at different ends of the spectrum of this division and it is the gaping moon of division and that is another whole series um I really would like to have people enter into the conversation because there have been centuries now of family division and nothing makes you absolutely see this program and not only see it, experience it, have it magnified over and over and over again as when you are experiencing it and I do believe that is exactly why this world is going crazy because God is given everybody this opportunity to absolutely beyond the shadow of a doubt see the evil because we have pushed it aside we have protected ourselves we have gone like this right we've put our head in the sand we have allowed we've just we've told ourselves we've excused ourselves by saying well there's nothing that we can do our votes don't count and etc etc but then when you're here in the midst of it when you have been part of it and I will open up this can of worms just a little bit but I'm not ready to do a full episode about it. This is really about getting to the other side of my suffering this morning because this wound of parental distance that I am experiencing with my children and my grandchildren um for many I can give you a whole list of reasons including my own um mistakes and choices of the past and the cause and effect or the quote unquote karma that I am walking myself through. And mark my words we we can't escape there are consequences for everything that we allow in our life and if you think that that's not true when you begin to accept that every choice you make will catch up with you then you're a little bit more prepared and and yet when it comes like this morning it it hits so hard. Where three weeks with some a month with some six weeks with some of our kids I'm kind of like disappearing into another dimension. The light is taking me humanity let go toward the light um but we are in different degrees of this separation whether it's by choice or just by lifestyle and we're busy and out of sight out of mind and karma and unforgiveness and there's all sorts of different reasons for this and you know I think of the Decrypto song and Decryptos if you've never heard um D E C R Y P T O S look it up this is one of the best uses of AI and um and it's worship music and I'm sure that people you know put in the AI engine find me the best female voice find me the best male voice find me the best you know and I don't know where it's come from but I'm telling you it is some of the greatest up to date worship music ever. And they have this song um My Miracle and part of the song talks about when is it my turn for the miracle? I I've been faithful I've been lyrical right and uh and that's kind of how my husband and I feel um we have both separately and together made massive mistakes and we have unfortunately allowed our children and our grandchildren to often be the collateral damage and we understand that that's part of it. And yet um the very things that I taught my children they grew up with scripture. We were in church three four times a week I went through the whole religiosity system you see four times over um four different cults uh but always always always bringing my kids up in the word um I have so many versions of the Bible I have read it so many times and I've read it to my children with my children I had them in Wana and I was an INA leader which is approved workmen are not ashamed that's a group uh a club for kids to do what? To memorize and understand scripture and so I know my kids have their word hidden in their heart and you know that word you know now I'm looking at it and I'm going what happened to honor your mother and father you know why is it that you can