104. The Missing Piece in Work-Life Balance: Values & Needs

If your calendar feels like it belongs to everyone but you — this episode is your reset button.

In Part 3 of our burnout series, I'm walking you through how to identify your core values and needs (with a free downloadable resource!) and why they matter more than any time-blocking system ever will.

Inside This Episode:

• Why burnout often stems from unmet needs, not just overwork
• The key difference between values and needs (and why you need both)
• What happens when your calendar ignores your core priorities
• How to realign your schedule without burning it all down

“You can’t fix burnout with bubble baths and breaks if your days ignore what actually matters to you.”

🎁 Grab the Freebie:
Download the Values & Needs Discovery Guide and start redesigning your week from the inside out.

Mentioned in This Episode:
Episode 103 — Is it burnout or just misalignment? 

To find out how I can help you improve your work-life balance, click here.

Come join the SLP Support Group on Facebook for more tips and tricks!

Follow me on Instagram! @theresamharp

Learn more about Theresa Harp Coaching here.

Transcript

[00:00:00] Welcome to Work-Life Balance for Speech Pathologists. I'm Theresa Harp, an SLP and Productivity Coach, and this podcast is all about how to build a successful career as an SLP and still have time for yourself and the people and things you love. So if you're ready to ditch stress and burnout for a more balanced and fulfilling life, then you are in the right place. Let's dive in. 

Hey, SLPs, welcome back, episode 1 0 4. I am incredibly excited about this topic because it is something that I have talked about indirectly on so many other episodes, and when I looked at my list of episodes and went back and, you know, looked at my tracking sheet, I could not believe that.

I've never done an episode. Specifically dedicated to this topic, which is values and needs, [00:01:00] and I don't know how that's possible. I truly don't. I, I, maybe I had one recorded under the old podcast show that I had that I had to take down. I don't know. But regardless, here I am recording on this topic and I have a feeling it's going to be.

A good one if I do say so myself. So values and needs, and this episode is part of a five episode series about burnout. Believe it's five episodes, um, about burnout and, and overwhelm in our field. And values and needs are a huge puzzle piece of this in my opinion. Of this whole work, like life balance, vision.

So buckle up because this is one that you do not want to skip. [00:02:00] Okay? Now I'm gonna tell you this now before I forget, in the show notes, there is a link to download the free values and needs assessment resource that I'm gonna be walking you through today. So. If you are driving or multitasking and you can't look at this document while you're listening, that's fine, totally fine.

But if there's any way you can have a hard copy of this or a digital copy of this accessible while you're listening, I think you're gonna get even more out of this. So either way, this will be valuable. See what I did there? This will be valuable. But, um, if you can't. If you can't look at this document while you're listening to this episode, make sure that you go and download it and hang onto it for when you are able to sit and look through it.

Okay? Alright. So I heard [00:03:00] somebody say one time that if you want to know what matters to somebody, just look at their calendar and. I thought that was so interesting because I've also heard people say, if you wanna know what matters to somebody, look at their bank account and where their money, what they spend their money on.

And I have found, you may have heard me say this before, I have found that there are, are, are a lot of similarities when it comes to time management and money management. I think that there are a lot alike in many ways. I've talked about that before. And I guess this is just one, another one of those ways, but if you were to look at your calendar or look at how you have spent your time over the past week, let's say, does it reflect what truly matters to you and willing [00:04:00] to bet that for many of you, the answer is no or not as much as I'd like.

And that, in my opinion, is one of the biggest roadblocks when it comes to work life balance. Okay, so. This is not an episode where I'm going to tell you to identify your values and identify your needs, and then go burn everything down to the ground and go live somewhere where you can be fully immersed in meeting those values and needs.

This is not an episode where I'm gonna tell you that you have to completely change your whole life. In order to be happy. That's not at all what I'm saying, but what I am saying is that for most of us, we do not spend our time [00:05:00] on things that align with our values or meet our needs enough for us to feel fulfilled, happy content, and to.

Live a life where we have a sense of work life balance. Okay? And what I wanna do is help you to identify what your core values and needs are, so that you can build your schedule in a way that aligns with those that. Watch what happens. It's amazing. Trust me. Watch what happens. So I'm gonna walk you through that today.

And of course, as always, if you want more individualized, customized support with this, you can always book a free consult. The link is in the show notes, okay? So if your calendar is feeling like it belongs to everybody else and not you, right? Like you're not the one in charge of your calendar, but it's your kids, your [00:06:00] boss, your clients.

Right. This episode is gonna speak to you because we're gonna dive into why it feels that way and what you need to do differently, okay? Because this is completely normal. I wanna add everything that I'm talking about. There's nothing wrong with you if you're resonating with any of this. If you can relate to this, you're human, you're normal, quote unquote, I hate that word, but you're normal.

You're typical. Right. This is so common and so human as. SLPs or PTs, or OTs or caregivers, moms, spouses, parents, we are taught and expected to show up for everyone. There's so many demands on our time and on our energy, and we just give, give, give, and show up for everybody and [00:07:00] prioritize everybody else's needs over our own.

But when we do that. Burnout is just lurking around the corner ready to take us out. It affects even if we aren't hitting that per point of burnout, and I hope we're not. Which by the way, I have a whole episode on burnout from last week. If you did not listen to it, make sure you listen to it after today's episode, but.

Even if you're not hitting the point of burnout, and I hope that you're not, I'm willing to bet that when you are showing up for everybody else and meeting everybody else's needs and ignoring your own, it's negatively impacting your relationships, your, your happiness, your job satisfaction. Right. It's negatively affecting so many areas of our lives.

So [00:08:00] one of the pieces, one of the keys to solving this is identifying our values and needs and incorporating them into our daily life. Alright, so let's talk about. What I mean when I say values and what I mean when I say needs. Okay. And again, this resource is available to you, so it walks you through all of what I'm talking about, what I'm about to talk about.

It's in the show notes, so make sure you download it. Okay. So the way that I think of values and the way that I think of needs are certainly similar, but there is a distinction. I view values as these sort of morals or principles that guide us. They're these long-term guiding principles and needs are [00:09:00] non-negotiables for our daily functioning or.

Maybe daily is a little bit excessive, you know, extreme. It could be weekly functioning, but overall needs are our non-negotiables for our for functioning optimally. So you could think of this as values, as the compass and needs as the oxygen mask. The values are guiding you and directing you, and then your needs are sustaining you or fueling you.

Okay, and both are important. Now, let me help you figure out how to do this, how to figure out what yours are. So if I asked you what are your core values? What are your core needs? Could you answer that question? And even if you could, what I would ask you next is. When's the last [00:10:00] time you've reexamined your values and needs?

Because they change. They absolutely change. Depending upon where we're at in life, what season of life we're in, we grow, we change, we evolve, and so do our needs and so do our values. So I recommend doing this at least once a year. It could be what you do in the beginning or towards the end of one year as you're prepping for another year.

It could be anytime. Anytime is a good time to do this. But I do encourage my coaching clients, and I encourage you to do this more than once every so often. Okay, so take a look at the resource and before you begin. Make sure that you proceed without perfection. You do not need to do this perfectly. Let this be messy.

Okay? Let's just start it and let it be messy. So go ahead and click the link to download the, the free resource. The link is in [00:11:00] the show notes and here is what you do when you have it. And all of this is, is explained in the resource, but. I'm a verbal processor. I don't know if you know this about me. So that's how I learn information.

So I wanna offer this for those of you who are also verbal processors. So you're gonna take, let's start with values first. So remember, values are your, your compass. They're the guiding principles. So you're gonna look at the list of values. I have a list of values that are in there, and the first thing you're going to do is read over that list and circle or highlight anything that that resonates with you.

So any value that you see that stands out, that sort of evokes something in you market, do not worry about how many you are marking. Okay. So here are some examples that are [00:12:00] in this resource in terms of values. Okay. Authenticity, acceptance, bravery, respect, peace, progress, family, kindness, humor, and a lot of these.

Not all, but a lot will overlap. A lot of them could be values and they could be needs, and that's okay. And if you're starting to get fuzzy on. The difference between and and getting caught up on, which is which. Remember what I said, do this imperfectly. Don't worry about it. Okay? It'll sort itself out. So if you're starting with your needs, you're highlighting or circling any need that you see listed that resonates with you, and you're not filtering yourself, you're not worrying about how many you're choosing, you're just circling or noting them.

Okay? Then. What you're going to do is look at the ones that you have highlighted and start grouping [00:13:00] them according to categories that you think are similar. It's up to you. You get to decide there is no right or wrong way to do this. So for example, maybe personal development, progress growth, education.

Our circled are highlighted, and maybe you would group those together. Maybe in your mind they mean similar things. And then maybe you also highlighted, uh, let's see, love, empathy, connection, and maybe in your mind those three words go together. Okay. It's whatever makes sense to you. So start grouping them.

And you should aim to have somewhere between three and five [00:14:00] groups. Anything less than three is too small, and anything more than five is too many. Okay? So start grouping them. And then once you have those groups, look at each group and either choose one from that group. That stands out the most for you.

The one, the word that resonates the most with you, or choose the one word that you believe encompasses all the rest, and that becomes one of your core values. Okay, so hopefully that's making sense. You are gonna look at the list. Circle what resonates with you. Group them according to what you believe are similar values, and then pick one from each group, and that leaves you with one of your core values.

And at the end of this exercise, you should have between three and five core values. [00:15:00] So do that and see what happens. See what comes up. Did anything surprise you? And one thing I'll add too is that this list of values is absolutely not comprehensive. I think that goes without saying, but I feel like it would be remiss if I didn't.

It's not a comprehensive list. If there is something else that you value and you don't see it on this list, add it. And in fact, message me because I wanna add it to my, to my list as well. Okay? This, usually when I do this exercise with my clients, my coaching clients, there is at least one need or one value that I had never thought of, and my client brings it up and then we add it to, to the list.

So anyway, keep that in mind. Okay? So, again, don't overthink it. This is not about what you should value. Or what you shouldn't value. It's about what you actually [00:16:00] value. So don't, there's no judgment here, okay? And you're allowed to want and value things that seemingly contradict each other. That doesn't necessarily mean something has gone wrong.

I think it's certainly worth further examination, ex exploration, but it doesn't mean that anything has gone wrong. Okay. So once you do that for your values, you're gonna go ahead and do the same thing for your needs. And remember, needs are like the oxygen mask. They are the things that have to be in place in order for you to function optimally.

And when they are not in place, you start to notice that you're off kilter. You aren't operating at your best. There are certainly things that we can neglect from time to time without, you know, and still survive. But when we neglect our [00:17:00] needs in the long term, that's when we start to see chronic stress, anxiety, even burnout.

Okay? So think about. Think about that as you are looking through. And again, it's not what you think you should need or shouldn't need, okay? So look at the list of needs. Circle what resonates with you, and then once you have done that, group them according to similarities in your mind. Choose one from each group, and there you go.

You have your core needs Now. Let's connect this back to time management and work life balance, right? How does this fit in here? Well, I've said it I think indirectly, but let me be, hopefully be clear here that when [00:18:00] your values and when your needs are not reflected in your schedule. When they are not represented in how you are spending your time, it will always feel like something is off even when you have gotten a full night's sleep or even when feel like you have the best job in the world, or even when you have done something for yourself.

Okay. Typically what I notice is that with my coaching clients, something in their schedule is out of alignment with their values and nowhere in their schedule, or very little in their schedule, or is their time that's being spent on meeting their needs. Okay, so let me give you an example. If one of your core needs is [00:19:00] predictability, like for me, I need.

Structure and predictability. I absolutely do. If one of your core needs is predictability, but you've got a week full of sessions that you haven't scheduled that someone else is scheduling for you, and it's different every week. You are gonna feel chaotic no matter how caught up on work you are, or no matter how much time you're giving to yourself to rest because.

What is the, the crux of what you're spending your time on, the majority of your time is not predictable and you need predictability. So that's one example of how this might be out of alignment, how your schedule might be out of alignment with your needs, or how your schedule might be out of alignment with your values.

Another thing to say or to think about, another way to say this is sometimes [00:20:00] what you think you need. Is not actually what you need. And so you're trying to create work life balance and you're trying to impro, you know, improve work life balance and, and support yourself and take care of yourself. And it's not working.

It doesn't seem like it's effective. And you know, you might think, oh, I just need a day off. I just need a day off. But what is it? It's not the day off that you need. It's what the day off is providing. Right. What is the, what is that providing for you that you need? Is it quiet? Is it rest? Is it restoration?

Is it, I don't know, stimulation? Maybe you need some sort of academic or educational stimulation or a challenge. Maybe it's creativity that's not being met. You know, there's so many different. Ways that this could [00:21:00] go, but sometimes we're solving for the wrong problem, or sometimes we're trying to solve the problem, but we're using the wrong solution.

By knowing your values and knowing your needs, we can avoid that. We can start making sure that we're actually tapping into the things that are going to make a difference and create that work life balance. So. You might be noticing and thinking as you're listening to this, you might be realizing that you have needs that haven't been met in a long time.

Maybe you're realizing that you have a job that doesn't touch half of your core values, or maybe it conflicts with some of your core values. You might be realizing that work is meeting the need of. Let's say, like I said before, stimulation and challenge, but it robs you of your need of [00:22:00] rest. So if you start looking at how you're spending your time and how those things do or don't meet your needs and align with your values, this is gonna, this is information.

This is gonna give you information and help you to make adjustments to your schedule that are going to. Ease some of the burden and give you back some semblance of work-life balance. Okay? So this is just information. It's neutral. It's not good. It's not bad, it's just information. It's your starting point, okay?

And if you want help. Like I said, if you're staring at your calendar and you're listening to this episode and you're thinking, I don't even know how to begin rebuilding, rebuilding my schedule around my values and needs, or, oh my gosh, my values and needs are so far from where I'm spending my time, that's exactly what we do.

Inside coaching, we, we [00:23:00] also look at how you can tap into your values and needs. To support you with carrying out some of the tasks that you chronically avoid or procrastinate, delay, or hate do, but hate, right? A lot of those challenges can actually be solved, or at least at least. Lessened by connecting these two your values and needs.

That's another thing that I do with my coaching clients. So if any of that sounds like it's something you want to learn more about, click the link in the show notes. Schedule a free consult. We will map out your values and needs together, but we'll talk about what's actually doable, how you can actually come up with a plan that you feel good about.

But regardless whether you book a consult or you don't, whether you do this on your own or we do this together, or [00:24:00] you're in the SLP support group and you're doing it there regardless, make sure you're doing it. Look at your values, look at your needs. Use the resource that I have shared with you and get some clarity.

What truly matters to you and how you can start investing your time in those things and watch what happens. Alright, that's it for this episode. Next week's episode is another one that you are not gonna wanna miss. It's all about how to say no know without the spiral. The spiral that you all go down.

That we all do, right? Because we've got now hopefully, clarity on your values. But now we gotta set up boundaries, right boundaries, so that you can honor those values and meet those needs. So that's what we're covering in next week's episode. I will see y'all [00:25:00] there.