138. ADHD and Why You Keep Abandoning Systems

You know that color-coded spreadsheet you created?
The planner you swore was the one?
The system that was going to finally fix everything?

...and now it’s collecting dust.

If you’ve ever stopped using a system and made that mean something about your discipline, your consistency, or your competence, this episode will shift something.

Because what if the system isn’t the problem?

What You’ll Learn

• Why your abandoned planner or spreadsheet is not proof that you’re lazy or inconsistent
• The real reason you create systems in the first place (hint: it’s not about organization)
• The mindset shift that turns a 60-minute “get back on track” project into a 2-minute check-in
• How systems can quietly become performative and actually keep you stuck
• The simple question to ask when you feel like you’ve “fallen off the wagon”

If This Resonates…

If you're tired of shoulding on yourself about not sticking to the plan...

If you’re the competent one everyone relies on, but secretly you feel behind…

If you want systems that actually support your ADHD brain instead of shaming it…

I’d love to help.

📌 Book a free 1:1 consult here

We’ll look at what you’re trying to create, what’s actually getting in the way, and how to build structure that gives you freedom, not pressure.

And if you’re not already in the Facebook group, come join us: Work-Life Balance for Speech Pathologists. That’s where these real-time coaching moments start.

Progress over perfection, always.

Keywords
ADHD productivity
Overwhelmed SLP
Executive dysfunction
Time management for speech pathologists
Work-life balance for SLPs
ADHD systems that work
Productive procrastination
Burnout prevention for therapists

To find out how I can help you improve your work-life balance, click here.

Come join Work-Life Balance for Speech Pathologists on Facebook for more tips and tricks!

Learn more about Theresa Harp Coaching here.

Transcript

All right. Hello. Work life balance for speech pathologists, Facebook group. Are we live? Are we live? We are live. Okay, good. It is working. Hi, good morning. Happy Thursday. I am. Super pumped to talk about this topic. I think I might even use it as a podcast episode 'cause it's just too good. It's something that happened in a session, a coaching session where I was coaching an SLP and I just had to share it with you all because it's so relatable and shifted something huge.

So. If you're watching, say hi. If you are in the Facebook group watching this live or watching the replay, say hello. 'cause it's the only way that I know that you are here and it feels more fun that way. And [00:01:00] here is something that I know to be true about our field. Okay? Most of us. Dare I say, many of us, maybe most are the overachiever, want to people.

Pleaser want to do well, want to, you know, succeed, ambitious, right? We wanna do a really good job. In our role as an SLP or if we own a private practice, we wanna, we wanna do really well, we wanna make sure that we are on top of everything, right? And many people in that sort of desire create systems to help stay on track.

Because let's face it, we have tons of balls in the air as SLPs, as private practice owners, there's so [00:02:00] much that we are juggling. Right. And so we build the tracker, we create the color coded spreadsheet, right? We get the best planner that has space to organize all the things that we need to organize and track, right?

And we're so excited about it. This can be very common in people with A DHD by the way. Many of us with A DHD will create a system that is fun, enticing, exciting, because it, we believe that it helps keep us on track. It helps us, you know, make sure that we're doing what we need to be doing, keep, um, organized with things, stay on top of deadlines, so on and so forth.

Right. If you have a DHD, and even if you don't, you might know what I'm about to say [00:03:00] next. After we've created these fancy, colorful, beautiful systems, they sit there untouched. I cannot tell you how many notebooks and planners I have. That are half filled, not even half filled. A few pages that are now collecting dust.

Right. I mean, I've got like journals here right next to me like that I have started and then they just fall by the wayside. Right? And they're not shiny and new anymore. They're not all that exciting. It's the, the reason that I created the system. For whatever it was, you know, whatever it was for is no longer like top of mind or primary concern or we had a schedule disruption and so my routine's been off and then those things just get forgotten, right?

But, but [00:04:00] every time we look at it, we feel this like pang of guilt or shame or overwhelm. Like, ah, there it is. Another. Thing that I, another good idea that I had, that I never followed through on, right? And you start making that mean something. We feel a certain way. Why can't I just stick to something? I was so motivated before I spent all this time creating this system.

I know what I need to be doing. I'm just not doing it. What is wrong with me? Am I lazy? Like, what is the problem? Why can't I just follow through? Why can't I just be consistent? Okay. If you can relate to this, if you're watching live or the replay, or if you're listening on the podcast, ask yourself like, in what ways is this true for me?

How does this resonate? Think of examples, right? [00:05:00] Because here's the situation that came up in a recent coaching call. I was coaching an SLP who is super successful, incredibly bright. Loves her work. And what she does also has a DHD, right? And she loves systems. They help her. They help her in so many ways.

And in our session, she brought a topic about. Finances. She was sharing that she had a system for, for her finances to keep track of her finances. She has systems for just about everything. It's amazing, right? She has a system for finances and yet. She hadn't been using it, right? She created it because she, she wanted to feel on top of her finances.

She wanted to feel secure. She wanted to feel safe. She wanted to know that there was a safety net there. She wanted to feel in control and know where her money was. [00:06:00] So she had all of that outlined in this spreadsheet. But what was happening was after she felt secure, right, she was using it and she felt secure.

It fell by the wayside, as she said, right? I'm no longer using it. Not only am I not using the financial tracker, she said, I'm, I'm feeling lazy. Like, what is wrong? Why am I not doing this? I know that I'm stressed about money, not like stressed because I'm afraid that I don't have enough of it necessarily, but I'm stressed because I'm not sure what's in what account, and you know, where the, uh, what.

What checks have cleared or where is the money going? Like what is gonna, is it gonna be overdrawn if I'm using this account to pay for this and that account to pay for that? Like, I don't know why I am just not looking and using this system. So she was really frustrated. Okay. And I want you to think [00:07:00] about, like for her it was, this was about finances or so she thought, right.

And it led to the, the shame and guilt and stress for you. It could be a system for tracking your caseload. It could be a system for tracking your, uh. Referral sources in your private practice. It could be a system for tracking new clients who are coming in or who might want services. It could be a system for tracking your evaluations, you know, from the time of referral to the time of completion and start of services.

It could be financial, it could be a system for tracking, your billing, your invoices, whatever, right? Could be all of the above. How does this show up for you? And here's the thing, many of us. Are the people who others look at and see as highly competent, organized people rely [00:08:00] on you. People go to you for this information.

Here you are juggling all these things, and they are amazed at how you're able to do it all, and yet you don't feel like you're. Amazing. You don't feel like you're on top of everything. You don't feel highly confident. All you feel is a sense of failure. All you feel is a sense of guilt or overwhelm or shame, right?

It's like, how do they see me like this when I have all these systems that I haven't maintained? I'm so inconsistent. This is just proof that I don't follow through. This is proof that I'm undisciplined, that I'm scattered, right? So. Are you seeing what's happening here? This becomes, it's no longer about the system.

It becomes about you. It turns into something about you, right? You make it mean something about you, because here's the thing, you think that you're [00:09:00] trying to maintain a spreadsheet, a tracker, a planner. You think you're trying to stay consistent. Follow through, but that is not what it is about. You are trying to feel safe.

You want to feel in control. You want to feel less vulnerable, right? Financial vulnerability, maybe overbooking your schedule or burnout, right? Missing deadlines. It's not about. Being consistent and on top of things, it is about wanting to feel safe. If I know that my money is here and I know what's in what account, I can feel.

A sense of peace. I can feel a sense of calm. If I know how many open cases I have and how many [00:10:00] reports I have to write, I feel a sense of calm. It might feel overwhelming because maybe that's a very high number, in which case I might avoid the system, right? That's a topic for another day. But the point of the system is that, is that is so that you feel in control of whatever situation.

You are in. Okay. This what I said to her though, the coaching that I offered her because she wanted to figure out how to get back on track with her system and don't we? All right? Like how many times have you said I fell off the wagon, I fell off track. I need to catch up. I need to get back on track. Just notice.

Those are thoughts, those are perspectives. Those are things that your brain is telling you. And when you say that you are making it mean that something has gone wrong, you're implying that you haven't met an [00:11:00] expectation that there's an expectation in place and you are not meeting it right.

You're so focused on the system that you are missing the purpose of the system instead of focusing on how to get back on track and use that system as you had created, or even a new and improved version. Of that system. System or a new system altogether. What if you asked yourself, what is the purpose that I am trying to meet?

What is the outcome that I desire here? If the outcome in this case is [00:12:00] to feel a sense of security about my finances? How else can I reach that outcome without having to do this elaborate system? Because for so many of us, that system, that process, the way that you've designed it, the way that you do it, while we think that that is going to keep us on track in so many ways, it actually holds us back because it becomes about.

The system, it becomes performative, right? It becomes doing it this way and that this is the way that it has to be. This is the way that it has to look. So instead of rebuilding the whole system or starting it back up again, ask yourself, what is the actual outcome that I need? What's the simplest way that I [00:13:00] can meet that outcome?

Right. So it, this question, this shift for you, has the power to take something that can be a massive project, a 60 minute project to a two minute check-in like that, right? What is the goal? What is the purpose? What is the need? If you can shift from maintaining the system to meeting the need, everything changes because no system is going to be useful if we're avoiding it, right, and as we avoid it.

Those feelings of shame, guilt, overwhelm, fear, those [00:14:00] feelings grow. And as those feelings grow, the resistance to using the system also grows. So the system, the very thing that we designed to keep us on track becomes the exact thing that keeps us stuck. Us paralyzed. So if you have ever found yourself in this situation where you have a system, you have a process, you have a way of doing things, but you're not doing it, ask yourself, what is it that that system provides for me?

Provide, and how can I provide that for myself right now in this moment? You might need to shift your expectations. You will need to shift your expectations. You will need to shift your vision of the path, of the way that you get [00:15:00] there, of the way that you're on top of your finances, of the way that you feel comfortable about your money, of the way that you are on top of feel, on top of your schedule, right?

Maybe you have to shift the way that you get there. You're not getting there by avoiding your system. Right? So if we're already, if we're not getting there already by this system that we aren't using, how can we think outside the box? Now, I'm not saying, here's what I'm not saying. I'm not saying that systems are bad.

I, I am not saying that you have to abandon structure. I'm not saying that you have to abandon all your systems. I'm not saying that your spreadsheets are wrong and you gotta burn 'em, right? That is not it at all. But I do know that a lot of the systems and processes that we create feel productive, but they aren't always effective, [00:16:00] right?

They aren't always impactful. Sometimes we all know, well, I was gonna say, we all know how tasks can expand, but maybe we don't. There's this Parkinson's law or Parkinson's principle that a task will expand to fill the amount of time available for it. I think this happens with systems. I think sometimes with systems, the task expands.

To fit the system because we, we realized all these different things that we could track, all these different ways that we could make it pretty and make it fun and engaging and add this detail and add that feature, right? But we're just pulling ourselves away from the purpose of the, of the task, from the purpose of the system.

And we're actually, well, we might [00:17:00] feel productive. What I call that is productive procrastination. It feels really good, but it's not actually moving the needle, right? And if we agree that there's always way more on the to-do list than there is time and energy available, I'd rather have some information, some progress, some something in that area, in an area that I'm avoiding.

I'd rather have something. Some information about it, some check. Check-in, some touchpoint about it, even if it's not the whole system, even if it's not me doing all these details, filling out the system, doing it to the, you know, checking my boxes and doing it the way it was designed. So when I. Gave myself permission to think outside of my systems to use them when they are serving me, and when I have the energy and the motivation, but giving myself [00:18:00] permission to abandon them.

That might be a harsh word, maybe to not use them in times it actually helped me accomplish what I was trying to accomplish. Think about how that might be true. How could you accomplish something quicker without using a system that you have created that is possible? So if you are feeling stuck, if you're feeling like, um, you're avoiding your systems, if you're, if you feel like you are falling behind, ask yourself, what is the outcome I'm trying to achieve?

And how can I achieve that outcome right now in this moment? You might be really surprised about what happens. Okay? And if this is something that you [00:19:00] want one-on-one help with, right? If you want help with figuring out how to follow through with flexibility, how to follow through in ways that you haven't considered that never even occurred to you, right?

And build systems around your needs, around your core values and your core needs, rather than building systems around performance. This is what we do in coaching. Reach out, book a consult. I would love to help you. All right, that is it. Feel free to share comments, questions, anything below here in the Facebook group.

And if you're listening to this on the pod podcast and you're not in the Facebook group, come join. The link is in the show notes and that way. You will know and be able to view any other Facebook lives like this that don't make it onto the the [00:20:00] podcast. We would love to have you in the group. All right, that's it for today.

Talk to y'all soon.