Burnout Or Self-Trust

Burnout has a way of hiding behind achievement. You can be the dependable one, the high performer, the person everyone counts on and still find yourself crying before meetings, second-guessing every choice, and running on pure adrenaline. We sit down with , Jasmyn Quianna, former oncology clinical research leader and founder of the Absolute Self-Love Movement, to name what’s really happening when “being strong” starts to feel like a trap.

We dig into Jasmyn's core idea: many high-achieving women don’t actually have a burnout problem as much as a self-trust problem. When you don’t trust yourself to choose yourself, you overwork, overthink, and overcarry. We talk perfectionism, people pleasing, and the pressure of always having it together, plus why delegating can feel scary when your identity is tied to being reliable.  Jasmyn also breaks down what self-love looks like beyond the trendy version. Think honesty, boundaries, self-respect, and celebrating yourself without guilt.

You’ll also hear a practical way to tell fear vs intuition by noticing what feels expansive and rooted in love versus what feels constricting and survival-based. If you’ve been stuck in analysis paralysis, Jasmyn shares a simple, doable reset: name what you want most right now, then take the tiniest next step you can do immediately, even if it’s just five minutes of quiet to breathe.

If this conversation hits home, subscribe, share it with a friend who’s always “the strong one,” and leave us a review with your biggest takeaway. What’s one boundary you’re ready to set this week?

Transcript

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Season Return And Guest Welcome

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Hey y'all. Hey, we are back with season 14. Get excited because we have a great guest this morning. But you know how we do it. Let's shout out the company of the week. It's a lavender vanilla latte with a vanilla bean cold foam. So make sure you grab one. Our guest this morning is Jasmine Kaana, the Arthur of Fowl and Mantley and Self-Love and founder of the Absolute Self-Love Movement. A former oncology clinical research leader. She now helps high-achieving women who feel stuck and burned out realize they don't have a burnout problem, but maybe they have a self-trust problem. They already know what they want, but don't trust themselves enough to choose it. Through her work, she helps them stop overthinking, stop second-guessing, and finally act on what they know is right so they can build a life that actually feels as good as it looks. Welcome to Coffee Chit Chat. Thank you, Paula. Thank you for having me. You are you are so welcome.

The Breakdown Pattern That Signals Change

SPEAKER_02 1:04

You went from oncology clinical research leadership to leading a self-love movement. What was the moment that made you realize your life needed to shift?

SPEAKER_01 1:15

Um, I would say there wasn't really a moment, but maybe like a couple of like repeating moments of like breakdowns and meltdowns and just crying and like crying before meetings and during meetings and after meetings, and that being like the routine norm thing, I would say that that that those moments let me know something had to change.

SPEAKER_02 1:41

Oh yeah, oh yeah. When you can't or don't realize, why am I crying and why is this something is not right. So then you knew, like, okay, we got to change up some things. Okay, right.

Why Burnout Often Means Self-Trust

SPEAKER_02 1:54

Okay, so you often say women don't actually have a burnout problem, but a self-trust problem. Can you kind of unpack that for us a little bit?

SPEAKER_01 2:03

Mm-hmm. So I say that because in all of and mostly I would say it comes from my own experience, but then also I guess other women that I work with. But what I mean by that is typically we get burned out most of the time because we are carrying things that not are not our own to carry, um, other people's, you know, responsibilities, expectations, trying to prove and you know, all the things with everybody else. So when I say it's because we don't trust our, you know, we have a self-trust problem, it goes back to us not trusting ourselves to choose ourselves and then everything still being okay. Like, you know, the kids are gonna be okay. If you take a moment to yourself, the job is not gonna fall apart, you're not gonna get fired, you know, all the things life is still gonna go on and move on if you make the choice that you actually want to choose, but they don't trust themselves enough to choose that path and choose that choice, they don't give themselves permission because you know, of the fear, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:14

Because I, you know, I know that I know what I'm doing, but I'm not sure if I can trust my coworker, I'm not sure if I can trust that person. And so now I'm just working overtime. Now I realizing even if I'm late for the job and if they need something like at that very moment, somebody else will do it. Right, right. And so then they get overwhelmed and they get burned out. Not because they need to be burned out, but because they're not trusting others with things that they could probably delegate. Exactly. I get it. And why do you think so many high achievement women struggle to trust themselves, even when they seem confident on the outside?

SPEAKER_01 3:55

I would say it goes to perfectionism, a little bit of that, people pleasing, um, and also tying back into always being like at least the expectation of others that you're the strong one. So, you know, you can't drop the ball, you can't, you can't have a moment or space to be anything other than always have it together, always, you know, be on point, be perfect, you know, all of that. That like that burden and that weight from that expectation of always being the strong one.

SPEAKER_02 4:37

Because I I read something recently that said sometimes your strong friends need a call and need to be checked on as well, right?

SPEAKER_01 4:46

So true, right?

SPEAKER_02 4:49

And

Real Self-Love Beyond The Trends

SPEAKER_02 4:50

your book is called Falling Madly in Self-Love. What does self-love truly look like beyond the trendy social media version of it? Because we see it out there, you know, like I'm, you know, this is me. I'm just gonna love myself. But besides that trendy stuff, what does it actually look like?

SPEAKER_01 5:07

Right. Um, well, we can since we already been talking about self-trust, we can try to if you don't trust yourself, like how can you say you truly love yourself if you don't even trust yourself enough to, you know, choose what you want to choose, live the life you actually want to live. Being honest with yourself is another non-trendy, like true aspect of self-love. If you're not being real with yourself and what you want in your life and how you want to live your life, all those things. Um, being your best friend, celebrating every aspect of you, good, bad, ugly, true, like owning all of all of you, all of your choices. Um, I mean, the list could go on and on, and and I talk about those things in my book, but those are just some ways to name a few of, you know, the non, like you said, cliche, bubble bath, affirmation, of self-love.

SPEAKER_02 6:06

I love that. And while we were talking about the book, I didn't get to get all the way through it, but I did like this passage in

The Success Mindset That Becomes A Cage

SPEAKER_02 6:14

there. It said the very mindset I thought would deliver me was the same mindset that had been quietly caging me in all along. And how did you come to that type of realization?

SPEAKER_01 6:27

Um, because you know, we have from I as long as I can remember, it's always you've been taught, you know, you go to school, you get the good grades, you get the degree, then you get a good job. And I came from a family where I was the first person to actually do that. So, you know, you got that extra weight on your shoulders, being the first person to go to college, and everybody's telling you this is the way, even though they didn't do it. And so I did all of those things and working hard, everybody's like, you just work hard. Um, and a couple of times things didn't work out, I worked even harder and climbed the ladder, did all the things, and then I was miserable. So that's kind of where that came from, and that we have this hard worker mindset that has been indoctrinated in us, conditioned and programmed, and we do all this hard work, and still, you know, then we get to this place where it's like all these questions, and you're not truly fulfilled and satisfied. So I felt like I was caged in from doing the very thing that this mindset, following that exact same path, checking all those boxes, it led me to this place where I just felt like I was stuck.

SPEAKER_02 7:45

I like that because you do like one plus two equals three, A, B, C, D. Right. But you still kind of felt you were caged in somewhere, something was not clicking or exactly, exactly. And I know that you're gonna cover a lot of that in the book. So there'll be a good book tick chatters for you guys to check out, and we're gonna let y'all know at the end how you can get her book. So,

Fear Versus Intuition In Real Time

SPEAKER_02 8:08

how can women tell the difference between fear speaking and their intuition speaking?

SPEAKER_01 8:14

So, really, I guess the most basic way is if you feel like it is expansive and you know, it is helping something that leads to growth and opening you up to something new. Like, is it coming from that space because that space, or is it something that is kind of like shrinking you and causing you to hide or not be 100% your whole self or speak your whole truth? Like that's kind of like more of a constricted place. If it's coming from there, then you know it's like that fear, survival-based mentality, and that is not your real truth, that is not the intent and your intuition. Your intuition will always be coming from a space of love, which is that expansive growth, you know, open side of things.

SPEAKER_02 9:10

And just leaves us right on time. Next question: what are some signs that someone is overthinking themselves out of the life that they actually want?

SPEAKER_01 9:19

Hmm that's a really good one. So I would say the number one sign for myself too is probably um I would say the guilt and the shame. Like if every time when you start thinking about what you actually want to do, you always got a long list of, but you can't because your daughter or your son got this going on, and then your mama need that, and then but your manager said this, and you know you got all your bills, and you know, when you you know, you going down that list, and like it's all this guilt and shame associated with why you can't because of all these reasons. I would say that's like the number one that I see across the board. And don't get me wrong, we do all have responsibilities. All right, and you know, we have a list of things to do, but that can't always be you can't always be at the bottom of the list, you know, every single day, year after year after year. Sometimes, you know, get yourself to the top, even in the middle if you can't make it to the to the top. I get it.

SPEAKER_02 10:41

That sounds great because I think a lot of times I've had friends and they say, Well, I just don't, you know, post a lot of things. I don't do this because she feels guilty, because maybe someone, a friend or a family member can't do the same, and she just feels very guilty because she's able to do it. I said, But God has blessed you with that. It's not that you are boasting, but you're just excited that I'm hey, I'm at this point in my life when I can do that.

SPEAKER_01 11:07

Exactly. And it's so funny that we think that way because it could have the opposite effect and inspire or encourage somebody who's feeling down and they see that and they're like, oh, look, you know, people some people still are out here doing good and giving hope for themselves, right? Right, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 11:27

And then um, was there a season ever in your own life where you ignored what you knew was right for you, and what did that teach you?

SPEAKER_01 11:36

So many seasons. Wow, so many, so many seasons, so many times I knew that I should have been doing, you know, going right, and I chose left, and you know, you know how it goes in relationships and jobs, education. I mean, I could we could that could be a whole episode in and of itself. So I would say the biggest thing that all of them combined is it taught me that it's not the cost is not worth going the the the other path in the moment. It feels like the weight of choosing, you know, the thing that you know is it, but it just seems too big or too scary or too whatever, too unrealistic, whatever it is. Um, the cost of not going ahead and like just dealing with that head on in the beginning, right? It's just too it's too high to pay. So you might as well just go ahead and deal with the fear or whatever it is that you sacrifice, whatever it is, just might as well deal with it on the front end, because it always is on the back end, times 10, 50, 100, it's just not worth it. I totally, totally agree.

Tiny Steps And Stronger Boundaries

SPEAKER_02 13:04

And for the woman listening who feels stuck but is afraid to make a change, what's one small step she can take like today to begin trusting herself again?

SPEAKER_01 13:17

One small step. I would say ask yourself what is the number one thing if you could wave a magic wand right now, the number one thing that you would want or ask for that um could help, you know, significantly change your life like today. You're and it's not it doesn't have to necessarily be external, it could be something internal, like peace. If you could just get five minutes of peace or what, you know, like that could be the thing. Um, and then ask yourself, okay, now what is like the tiniest step that I can actually do in this moment without having to go and find somebody or ask somebody to do something or pay for something? What is it that I can do? Even if it's like go in the bathroom and close the door and just sit in silence, even if it's that small, like literally, what is the smallest next step that I can take and start there? I love it.

SPEAKER_02 14:15

Just get that little piece, even if it's just sitting there, breathing in and breathing out for a few minutes, right?

SPEAKER_01 14:21

Literally, yes.

SPEAKER_02 14:23

Just breathe, as they say. Yes, yes, I love it. I love it. And you are you're from Chapel Hill, North Carolina.

SPEAKER_01 14:32

No, I I'm technically from Con. Well, I was raised in Conyers, Georgia. Okay. I live in Wake Forest, North Carolina now.

SPEAKER_02 14:42

Okay, we know Wake Forest. I'm in Columbia. The minority's in Atlanta, but I'm in um Columbia, South Carolina. Okay, so we're all right here together. We're right there together. Okay. How has choosing yourself changed the way you show up in relationships uh in your business or just everyday life?

SPEAKER_01 15:02

Hmm, so relationships, it has definitely changed a lot in terms of boundaries and asking myself what I actually want versus like always trying to make the other person happy, whether that is a romantic relationship, like when I was with married to my ex-husband, like my now partner is definitely not like that. Um, even as a parent and my relationship with my daughter is is not, you know, like that either. I would say how I move through life, um everything I guess in in my career especially, I think about what is now everything, I guess everything is measured from a metric of like joy and peace and like passion. So when I think about what I'm doing, where I'm going, what I'm eating, like all the things, it comes from a space of, you know, do I this is something that I really want to do? Not to say that I'm just avoiding hard things. That's not what I'm saying because I definitely, you know, running my business and doing all that is definitely not easy. Um, but when I think about the things that I'm doing, like if I'm gonna go to a party, for example, or if I'm going to buy something or watch a movie or what, you know, get some, go to a restaurant, is this something that I truly want to do that I enjoy that will bring value to my life, that is, you know, something that I really want to do, or is this an expectation of somebody else, or something I feel obligated to do, or something I feel like I need to do, or I should, or I have? I'm just a lot more conscious of those things. So it really allows me, I guess, to give me more energy, um, bring keep more energy for me, and so I can use it in the places that I actually want to use it, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_02 17:08

Oh, that makes perfectly sense. And I like when you that word boundary, because you know, you can still have your friends, you can still have uh your coworkers, your family, whatever, but there can be some boundaries that you put in place so you can choose.

SPEAKER_01 17:20

Right, right, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 17:23

I love that. So

Where To Get The Book

SPEAKER_02 17:25

now you have to tell our chit chatters how they can follow you and how they can get this great book, Falling in Love with Yourself, Madly in Love with Yourself.

SPEAKER_01 17:36

Um, yeah, so you can find it on Amazon. It's uh falling madly in self-love, the real secret to manifesting your dream life, um, paperback, and then it's also available electronic on Kindle, and then audio as well on Audible. So all three versions you can find them on Amazon. Um, and then you can find me uh on uh at on my website, jasminechiana.com. And then that's also my handle name on on pretty much all the social media platforms. So if you you know have any questions um about me or about my book, definitely feel free to reach out.

SPEAKER_02 18:18

I love it. You know, you guys, we will put that on all of our social media sites so you can follow uh Miss Jasmine. And one last question I want to ask: do you feel that you are now living to manifest that life that you want? Do you think you're now in that space?

SPEAKER_01 18:34

Oh, absolutely. Um, of course, you know, the external is a little bit slower in terms of um change versus the internal, like you'll feel it before you see it sometimes. Um, so definitely on the inside, a thousand percent sure like my life is completely different and how I process the challenges, the stress, the things that come up in my life. Um just even being able to trust and believe in myself enough to go all in on my business and leave the you know clinical research space and all the things that have come along with that, the fear associated with being able to take care of me and my daughter, not having any, you know, child support or like you know, being a single mom and divorce, like all those things that come along with it. Without this journey that I've now been on, I definitely would not be able to do what I'm doing now. Well, that's awesome.

SPEAKER_02 19:32

Yeah, that's what I wanted to do. And to our chit channels, our quote of the week is to love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. And that's by Oscar Valdi. Tune in next week for another exciting episode of Coffee Chit Chat.