Ep#168 Mastering Difficult Conversations at Work

Have you ever wished tough conversations at work were easier? And didn't leave you feeling the worse for wear?

Learn the basic framework for difficult conversations, and specific templates for 5 common scenarios.

Emotional intelligence is the most in-demand skillset employers want. Boost yours today!

Show Notes
Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman
Ep#13 Other People's Opinions

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction
• 0:24 Mastering Difficult Conversations at Work
• 1:21 Preparing for a Difficult Conversation
• 3:26 Four-Part Formula for Tough Talks
• 6:04 Examples of Handling Tough Conversations
• 8:34 Closing Thoughts

Transcript

[00:00:00] Hi everyone. My name's Dex Randall, and this is the Burnout to Leadership Podcast where I teach professional men to recover from burnout and get back to passion and reward at work.

[00:00:22] Hello my friends. This is Dex. Welcome to this week's episode, Mastering Difficult Conversations at Work. Imagine your boss just dismissed your concerns in a meeting, and now you need to bring it to HR. How do you do it without making things worse?

[00:00:37] Difficult conversations can be pivotal moments in professional life. They can either strengthen relationships and resolve issues or escalate conflicts and damage careers. Today we'll walk step by step through five tough workplace conversations and exactly how to handle them. Before we dive in, a quick favor, this podcast is free.

[00:00:59] If you enjoy today's episode, please share it with your friends who are stressed and burning out. Or take a moment to rate and review the podcast because this is how we reach more people experiencing burnout. And remember, if that's you, you are not alone. Burnout affects up to 70% of the professional workplace in any given year.

[00:01:21] Okay, preparing for a difficult conversation. If you can, prepare before engaging in a tough conversation. There's vulnerability in voicing personal concerns, especially when power dynamics are at play. It's easy to doubt yourself or avoid confrontation altogether, but if you have a legitimate concern, here's how to avoid missteps and create an environment where your voice is heard and your concerns are addressed effectively.

[00:01:51] Step one, pause and check in with yourself before engaging. Assess your own emotions and mindset. Are you feeling distrust, resentment, anger, frustration, or helplessness? Do you feel disrespected, undervalued, or ignored? These reactions are natural, especially in burnout when we're often hard on ourselves, but reacting emotionally can make things worse.

[00:02:20] Instead, take a moment to process your feelings and approach the conversation with a clear head. Step two, managing your inner voice. How you frame the situation in your mind matters. If your inner monologue is screaming that this is an emergency or that you need to defend or attack, pause. Entering the conversation in a defensive or aggressive state will likely backfire.

[00:02:46] And ask yourself, is my reaction habitual? Am I arguing with an old authority figure in my head? Recognizing these patterns simply helps you shift to a more neutral and constructive mindset. Coaching, of course, is powerful for breaking these old habits, embracing your full adult powers, and lowering the emotional intensity of interactions.

[00:03:10] Once you have handled your emotional reactivity, you'll be in a better position to connect and communicate effectively. This increases, of course, emotional intelligence. It enhances performance and it reduces burnout. Here's the four part formula for tough talks. Number one, know your goal. What do you want from this conversation?

[00:03:35] Quick hint. Proving your right isn't a winning strategy. Number two, regulate your emotions. Stay calm and in control. Number three, frame it constructively. Focus on facts, not feelings. And number four, prepare for pushback, expect and manage resistance. So let's look at those in a bit of detail.

[00:03:58] Number one, know your goal. Ask yourself what outcome do I actually want? Proving you're right might feel satisfying, but it often leads to defensiveness and escalation. Instead, focus on what you really want to achieve. For example, if you want your boss to admit they were unfair, you can try for that.

[00:04:18] But if your real goal is a promotion or adjusting performance targets, focus on that instead. The key: you don't need the other person to change for the situation to improve. You do need to manage your own emotions and approach the conversation with emotional intelligence. So number two, regulate your emotions.

[00:04:41] If you feel reactive during the conversation, pause, take a breath, take a sip of water, and remind yourself that the other person's reaction isn't about you. It's really about them protecting their own beliefs and interests For more on managing emotional reactions, listen to episode number 13, Other People's Emotions.

[00:05:04] Number three, frame it constructively. Your goal is resolution, not confrontation. Stick to the facts and avoid emotional triggers. Example, if your boss dismissed your proposal in a meeting, don't say, "You shut me down and embarrassed me". Instead say, "Can we agree that there's a component shortage?

[00:05:26] That I proposed a solution and that the discussion was moved on by you?" By agreeing on neutral facts first, you create space for a solution-focused conversation. Number four, prepare for pushback. If resistance arises, revisit the steps, agree with the person on the facts of the situation. workshop a solution and stay solution focused.

[00:05:51] Because key reminder, it's not just what you say, but how you say it. People resist confrontation, but they respond to clarity and confidence. So let's work through a few examples. First one, speaking to HR after a management disagreement. And the biggest mistakes to avoid if you have to do this, is going in emotional rather than factual.

[00:06:16] And expecting HR to take sides. They protect, of course, the company first. The winning strategies: lead with the facts "In our meeting on -and give the date- person's name dismissed my proposal, and moved on." And frame your ask to HR. "I would like HR's guidance on ensuring a professional and constructive work environment."

[00:06:40] Get it documented. Podcast tip. HR responds to professionalism, documentation, and clear requests much more than criticism and emotion. Second scenario, addressing a difficult or obstructive colleague. And the biggest mistake to avoid here is calling them out aggressively, which will frequently escalate conflict or complaining to other people instead of addressing it directly with the person you are dealing with.

[00:07:11] Winning strategy use I statements. "I've noticed that our meetings have been tense. I want to make sure that we're aligned to hit our goals". Name the behavior, not the person. "When deadlines get pushed back without discussion, it affects the team's workload" and ask for collaboration. "What's the best way for us to work through this?" Podcast tip:

[00:07:35] most people don't realize when they're being difficult. Naming the behavior not attacking the person shifts the conversation from conflict to resolution. Number three, defending against something like unfair termination or performance plans. And the biggest mistakes to avoid here are accepting everything without question and letting emotions take over.

[00:07:59] Winning strategy is to gather your documentation, such as performance reviews, emails, and past feedback. And again, ask for specifics. "Can you clarify exactly which performance issues led to this decision?" And explore negotiation "Would a performance improvement plan be an option instead of termination?"

[00:08:23] Podcast tip: In HR disputes knowledge is power. Stay calm. Get everything in writing and ask for clarification before reacting.

[00:08:34] So closing thoughts. Difficult conversations are all about strategy, not confrontation and practice makes perfect. So try some of the techniques I've explored today in your next tough conversation and be gentle with yourself as you learn. If today's episode has been helpful for you, please share it with a colleague facing similar challenges.

[00:08:56] And if you need personalized coaching for workplace burnout and leadership challenges, visit dexrandall.com to book a free consultation. Don't miss the next episode, number 169, which is Working with Difficult Employees, an interview with Jonno white. That's all for today. Thank you for listening. Catch you next time with more burnout-healing insights.