#183: Decision Fatigue and Menopause: Why "What's for Dinner?" Makes You Want to Scream

Decision fatigue isn't about willpower - it's about how many decisions you're being asked to make when your capacity is already maxed out. And if you've been caught in the diet cycle for years (or decades), you know exactly what I'm talking about. After 25 different diet plans competing for space in your head, every meal becomes another minefield of "am I doing this right?" questions that leave you exhausted before you even start cooking.

In this solo episode, I'm sharing Sarah's story (with her permission), who spent the last year working with me to finally break free from diet mentality and decision fatigue.  She's having regular, balanced meals without stress, her cholesterol and blood pressure are down, and for the first time ever, she didn't spiral in the bathing suit change room.

I walk you through exactly how we got there, including the biological layer that makes decision fatigue even more challenging in midlife when brain fog, and hormone fluctuations that are all competing for your mental bandwidth. But here's the good news: there are gentle framework strategies that can actually reduce the number of decisions you have to make, help you enjoy the process (not just chase the outcome), and keep you moving forward at your own pace.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Why decision fatigue is structural, not a character flaw, and why women in midlife are especially vulnerable
• The biological layer: how brain fog and cognitive changes in menopause make familiar diet patterns even more tempting
• Three framework strategies to reduce decision fatigue around food (and why frameworks are NOT the same as rules)
• How the FEAST framework works in my community to support long-term behavior change without the all-or-nothing trap
• Why enjoying the process matters more than rushing to the outcome

Related Episodes:

• Rewiring, Not Retiring: How Your Brain Transforms in Menopause with Dr. Sarah McKay 
• Beating the Brain Fog of Menopause
• From Panic to Peace: Melissa's Food Freedom Journey

Ready to reduce your decision fatigue? If you're tired of overthinking every meal and want a framework (not more rules) to guide you, I'd love to welcome you to The Feaster Community. This month we're focusing on gentle framework strategies that make it easier to decide what's for dinner. Try it free for 7 days: https://www.menopausenutritionist.ca/7daytrial

Or if you're looking for more focused 1:1 support, I have a few spots open this spring. Book a no-strings-attached 20-minute call to see if I'm the right Sherpa for you: https://p.bttr.to/3DQX9SF

📚 I wrote a book! Eat To Thrive During Menopause is out now! Order your copy today and start thriving in midlife.

Looking for more about midlife, menopause nutrition, and intuitive eating? Click here to grab one of my free guides and learn what I've got "on the menu" including my 1:1 and group programs. https://www.easy.link/menopause.nutritionist

Transcript

A Win: Eating Feels Easy Now

Jenn Salib Huber 0:00

After seven months or so of us working together, she we met last week and you know she said, I just feel like eating is easy now. She's eating regular, balanced meals, most days without stress. She just had a six-month checkup with her doctor and her cholesterol and her blood pressure are down. She declined to be weighed, which I think is great. So she has no idea about her weight, but she's feeling better in her body. And she told me that she went shopping for a bathing suit, and for the first time, she didn't spiral in the change room. Welcome to the Midlife Feast, the podcast that helps you make sense of your body, your health, and menopause in the messy middle of midlife. I'm Dr. Jen Sali Puber, intuitive eating dietitian, a naturopathic doctor, and author of Eat to Thrive During Menopause. Around here, we don't see midlife and menopause as problems to solve, but as invitations to live with more freedom, trust, and joy. Each week you'll hear real conversations and practical strategies to help you feel like yourself again. Eat without guilt, and turn midlife from a season of survival into a season of thriving. I'm so glad you're here. Let's dig in. Decision fatigue, not willpower, is why you're more likely to say screw it when it comes to making what you planned for dinner, why you're more likely to skip the gym on Thursday than on Monday, and why you're still scrolling in bed at 10 o'clock, even though you promised yourself that you wouldn't take your phone to bed. If we're being honest, it's one of the reasons it's not the only one, but it is a big one. And decision fatigue is also why your brain defaults to the diet cycle when it doesn't know what else to do. So, welcome to this week's episode of the Midlife Feast. And I want to start by sharing a story with you that you might recognize. I've been working with someone that we're gonna call Sarah for probably close to a year now, and that might seem like a long time, and you might be thinking, oh my gosh, this takes a year, I'm out. But stick with me because Sarah had a really big aha moment last week, and with her permission, I'm sharing parts of her story that I think everybody needs to hear. So Sarah first started working with me in January of 2025. She joined shortly after last year's non-diet resolution challenge. She hung out with us in the community for a few months. She wasn't super active, but not everyone is, because not everyone's into group stuff. But there's a whole library, and some people just prefer to learn on their own, not to do the kind of group component, which is fine. So I think she left somewhere around March or April, but then in June, I got an email from her asking if we could do some one-to-one work together. Because she'd found herself right back in the diet cycle. She'd reactivated her membership to a certain popular dieting program that will remain unnamed. But after two weeks, she already knew that this was not going to be the solution, hadn't been the solution in the past, nothing was changing. So when we met, we talked about where she was coming from, which was a lifetime of dieting and the diet mentality. And we specifically talked about why she wanted to become an intuitive eater. And as part of that, we kind of covered some of what I call the trapdoors that kept bringing her back into that diet mentality. And the diet mentality doesn't even have to be about weight loss. It often is, but sometimes it's just this idea that we have to control or quote, should control what we eat, that there's a right way or a wrong way or a perfect way, that there are good foods, bad foods. And so one of Sarah's big trapdoors is that she had major decision fatigue about food. After 25 or more years of dieting and doing different diets all different times, she had 15 at least different plans, competing for space and living rent-free in her head. So she would second guess every single decision about food. And that would look like skipping breakfast or just having coffee because she was like, whatever, it's just easier. She would often have salads with protein as her only kind of easy choice, because those were the only ones that kind of fit all the different plans that she had done over the years. But they weren't satisfying, they weren't filling her up, and they definitely weren't fueling her. And what she was really frustrated with is that she kept signing up for these strength training classes at her gym, but she was always too tired to go because the only time she could go was at the end of the day. And by the time she got to the end of the day, she was done. So all of these easy decisions that were default decisions weren't helping her at all. But her brain was so tired from trying to make all the decisions that it was just easier to default into, I'm just going to try that app or I'm going to download the app one more time. Because that at least is a decision, right? So sometimes we make a decision, even if it's not the right one, because our brain is just happy that we're making a decision. So to come back to decision fatigue for a minute. So decision fatigue is 100% a real thing. It is not a made-up social media term, it's not a fad or a trend. And there's actually research looking at how our quality, I guess, of decision making deteriorates over time, especially if we have a, let's say, like a sustained period of making choices. And we know that women have more decisions to make, especially if we are juggling all the things. We know that women are more likely to experience burnout. And women in midlife have a lot going on. You know, we're often juggling home and work and aging parents and hormones and not sleeping, all the things. And so all of this leads to decision accumulation, which is not a personality flaw. It's not about willpower, motivation, or your abilities, or capabilities. It's structural. The more decisions we have to make, they pile up and ascent and get us to a place where we just don't want to make them anymore. And so learning all of this, it doesn't surprise me at all that I often meet people in this messy middle of I don't know what else to do. What I'm doing and have done in the past isn't working, but it seems to be what I keep coming back to. So what I want to talk about now is this layer of midlife and hormones. So if we think about what's happening in midlife and menopause, we have all these hormone changes happening. And this adds a biological layer that just makes things a bit more interesting. And I'm being sarcastic by saying interesting. Because if you've ever experienced brain fog, and we know that most people do, you know that executive functions like planning and working memory, remembering people's names and holding your attention can feel more challenging. When our estrogen levels drop as we transition from pre to post-menopause, our brains need to recalibrate. So in addition to brain fog, which is not permanent, by the way, and does not mean that your brain is having a problem, it's just having a learning problem. There's something called cognitive set switching, which is our ability to shift between different tasks or like multitasking, that also becomes more challenging. If you want to learn more about the brain and menopause, there's a really great episode with Dr. Sarah Mackay that's worth listening to that I'll link to in the show notes. But essentially, when our brain is tired, it's looking for shortcuts because it doesn't want to make a decision, which I think is pretty understandable. And as a result, we might default to some of those familiar patterns, like the ones from diet culture. So for anybody who has spent a year, a decade, many decades in diet culture, like Sarah, these familiar patterns are what we default to. Um, these patterns of counting, measuring, tracking, just trying to follow a set of rules, we don't default to learning to listen and trust our body or body attunement. But that can change. So, one, we're going to talk about the frame, some framework supports in a minute around how do we reduce decision fatigue. And one of the things that we're focusing on this month in the Feaster community is how we can use framework strategies, not rules, to create flexible support that will make it easier to decide what's for dinner. And this helps us to be more persistent, not consistent, but more persistent in what we're trying to do. So if that's the kind of support that you would like to have, we would love to welcome you. And every month we have a little nudge towards something. And this month we're nudging on this gentle framework support. And because March is nutrition month, there's also a link in the show notes if you would like to try and join us free for seven days and see if this is the right kind of support for you. So before we dive into three gentle framework strategies that can help make it easier to decide what's for dinner, it also helps to give you a bit of background about how I approach both behavior change and group coaching. And I like to describe my role as a Sherpa. If you've worked with me before, you've heard me say this. And here's why. You know where you're going, you have decided on the destination. Just like people who climb Mount Everest, hire a Sherpa to get them to the summit or wherever they're trying to get to on Everest, they know where they're going and where they want to go. They just need somebody who can guide them on the best path, help them gather some resources, and maybe do some of the heavy lifting for them. With the goal of helping them get to where they want to go, but at their own pace. And I work with people exactly in the same way. Anybody who works with me has kind of a similar destination that they're trying to get to. They want to feel confident about what they're eating. They just want to know that they're eating the right thing. Um, and they want to know that how they're eating is sustainable. They want to feel comfortable in their changing body. They have, they want to have the tools to weather all the storms of midlife. And they want to have a plan, and I'm going to use that really loosely for eating, that is firmly kind of rooted in science, but is also practical and is also aligned with intuitive eating. Anyone who's read my book or participated in January's menopause nutrition capsule wardrobe challenge will be familiar with this. But essentially, one of the resources that I help people gather are these, let's call them buckets of gentle nutrition strategy so that you have fewer decisions to make and you know which buckets to dip into when you need to make a decision. But as your Sherpa, I'm also going to help direct you to the path that I think is best aligned with your values and your capacity, not somebody else's. I'm not giving you a one size fits all strategy. I'm helping you build a strategy that you can maintain to get to where you want to go. So if we come back to Sarah for a minute, one of the things that we realized was playing into her decision fatigue was just how much she had going on in her life. She was pretty much at capacity for all kinds of reasons. She had stuff going on with her kids, she had stuff going on with her parents, she had a job change coming up. And so what we decided was that we needed to slow the pace down. She was trying to speedrun things, which is when she had joined the community last January. Which is when she had joined the community last January. She thought that she could just join for a month or two, speed run it, and then be done. But when we started working together in June, we realized that she really had to slow things down because that was where her capacity was. And so that's what we did. We took six months, we met monthly, alongside the group support that she could access in the community, and it just kept her moving forwards and to a place where she wasn't worrying about food all the time. Like that was her main goal. I just don't want to worry about food all the time, and I don't want to overthink my decisions about food. And that's kind of where she got to. She's choosing with intention, but it's not about perfection. Okay, so now let's move on to the three strategies. And again, I think that you might have heard some of these before, but we're applying them to kind of decision fatigue specifically. And the first is make sure that you know what you're doing and why. Lots of people are just eating things because you think you should. Putting protein powder in your coffee is a great example. And you may love that. And if you love that, then I love that for you. But if you're only doing it because you think you should, then maybe that's something to reevaluate. Another one is skipping carbs at dinner because people have heard that if you have too many carbs at dinner, it's going to increase your blood sugar. But they're not thinking about how that impacts their cravings at night or how they sleep or their mood. Another big one is avoiding soy because people have heard that it's bad for their thyroid. So make sure that whatever you're doing, you know that why you're doing it and whether or not it's aligned with your values and where you want to go. So keeping that big picture why in mind too. Like, why do you want to make food easier? Why do you want to add in more movement? Why do you want to stop doom scrolling at night? How is that going to make your life better or easier? How is it going to make you feel more comfortable in your body today? So that's strategy one. The second strategy is reduce the number of decisions that you have to make. So maybe this is by crowdsourcing some options or some help that align with your values and intentions. But if you feel like you have to reinvent the wheel every meal or every day or every week, then that is a great place to start. So one of the questions that I often start with is what meal or day feels most challenging for you? And there's no right or wrong answer. For some people, it's breakfast because the mornings are busy and they just don't have enough time. For some people, it's lunch because their days are so hectic that they don't have a regular time to stop and eat. Sometimes it's dinner because they're tired at the end of the day and that decision accumulation is kicking in. So if we can reduce the number of decisions that you have to make at your lowest capacity time, and then you'll be able to increase the chance of doing what you want to do for all the right reasons. In other words, doing things that are aligned with your values, your capacity, and your intentions. So, yeah, finding ways to reduce the number of decisions is probably the most, I'm not gonna say it's the most important, but I think it's the one that has the most immediate payoff. And you can do this by building that nutrition capsule wardrobe. You can do this by having kind of some loose structures around these are three choices I'm gonna have for breakfast or lunch. Whatever it is, just find a way to reduce the number of decisions. So the third strategy is make sure that you're enjoying the process. And this might seem obvious, but only focusing on the outcome also leads to more decision fatigue. So think about the kid or the adult who's in the car and always asking, are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Or maybe you're that kid. I don't know, that adult. Every time that you get asked that question or think that question or ask yourself, like, am I there yet? Because you're focused on the outcome, you increase the chance that you are going to get tired of asking that question and just choose something else. So if you keep trying to climb Mount Everest but can't figure out why you keep stopping and needing to start over again, maybe the question is, is climbing Everest really your goal? Or is it somebody else's goal that you think that you need to do? And we can apply that question and framework to anything about food and movement. So whatever you're doing with food and movement, are you enjoying the process of getting to where you want to go? If you're if you hate cooking and you're trying to cook like a Michelin star chef, then that's gonna be hard. If you have only ever exercised to lose weight, but you've never found a way of moving that you enjoy, that's also gonna be hard. And so one of the ways that we talk about frameworks is the feast framework. And so this is a values and capacity aligned system that helps you to make kind of intentions around food and movement and mindset that kind of fit your life. But also that help you to enjoy the process because you're not in a rush, you're not on anyone else's schedule, and you're not following a plan or a program. You're learning a process. And I can't stress it enough that that is one of the big secrets to long-term behavior change, is being able to enjoy the thing that you're doing, not just the outcome. So you might have heard me or other people say that nutrition is a science, but eating is a behavior. So if you want to reduce the amount of decision fatigue that you have about what to eat, whether you're doing it right, how you should move, what time you should go to bed, all of those things, have a framework that is based on the science of behavior change, but is also process focused, not just outcome focused. So here's kind of how we work that in the community every month. So at the beginning of the month, so that would have been yesterday, we have a check-in where I poll people. What are you working on? What are your intentions this month around food, movement, or mindset? And there's always an option to choose, I'm coasting, because sometimes we need to pause the process. But if you have a framework that allows you to do that, and it's not so that you it doesn't lead to that all or nothing thinking, then it's so much easier to come back to it when you do have the capacity. Then once a week, usually on Sundays, we'll have a reflection and intentions check-in. So how did the week go? How was your capacity? How, you know, what was hard? And what would you like to think about for next week? What is your capacity like in the next few days? What intentions would you like to set? And again, this is not, you know, a set of rules, but it's a framework where you're not having to remember that you're in the process of change. These prompts can help to reduce the decision fatigue because I help you to do, I kind of do the remembering for you. I help you remember that you're on the path, but you kind of get to decide, you know, how quickly you move through the process. And then at the end of the month, we always have a gratitude and growth reflection where we talk about, you know, what we're thankful and happy for and having a gratitude practice for your body, by the way, is one of the best things that you can do for your body image and how you feel in your body. We talk about, you know, what went well, what we learned. And we keep applying this process over and over again, but we do it in a way that is aligned with your goals and intentions and values, not somebody else's. So you can be on this path with other people who are on the same journey, but it's still your journey. So one of the kind of last parts of the feast framework is this ability to tune in and fine-tune. And, you know, being able to say, this isn't working for me, I need to try something else, is really hard when you have this all or nothing diet mentality programmed into your default. So we work on kind of changing that and just being able to change and pivot without judgment or feeling like you've done something wrong. So, as you can see, or as I can hope, I hope you can see, decision fatigue is a real thing. So it's not a character flaw, it's not a personality flaw. And I think that a lot of us underestimate just how much capacity it takes to think about making a decision, and especially if you feel like you're never confidently making this decision. So having a framework which should never be a set of rules, it's more like an operating system that allows you to stay focused on the process, but also gives you the tools and the resources that you need to move forward, is such a game changer. Um, so I just want to share with you to wrap up kind of where what Sarah's big aha moment was. So after seven months or so of us working together, she we met last week and, you know, she said, I just feel like eating is easy now. She's eating regular, balanced meals, most days without stress. She just had a six-month checkup with her doctor and her cholesterol and her blood pressure are down. She declined to be weighed, which I think is great. Um, so she has no idea about her weight, but she's feeling better in her body. And she told me that she went shopping for a bathing suit to wear on vacation for spring break with her kids. And for the first time, she didn't spiral in the change room because she felt so strongly that this process, this journey that she was on was so well supported that it wasn't going to kind of be knocked off its base by a single bad body image moment. So I think that's a pretty big aha and a big cheer for Sarah. So if any of this has resonated with you, consider this your personal invitation to chat with me. You can book a 20 minute, no strings attached call. We can just have virtual coffee together. Figure out if I'm the right Sherpa for you. Keep in mind that you can join the Feaster community anytime. This is the group coaching community, but if you were looking for more one-to-one focused work with me, I have a few spots left open this spring, but then I won't be opening spots up again until the fall. And you can find the links to book a call or to join the feaster community in the show notes. Thanks for joining me today, and I'd love to hear if decision fatigue is something that you struggle with, anything that, any tips that you have that have made it easier. And as always, I love to hear your feedback on these episodes. Have a great day. Thanks for joining me for this episode of the Midlife Feast. If you're ready to take the next step towards thriving in midlife, head to menopausenutritionist.ca to learn more about my one-to-one and group coaching programs, free resources, and where to get your copy of Eat to Thrive during menopause. And if you've loved today's conversation and found it helpful, please share it with a friend who needs to hear this and leave a review wherever you listen to podcasts. It helps so many more people just like you find their way to food freedom and midlife confidence. Until next time, remember midlife is not the end of the story, it's the feast. Let's savor it together.