Day 5: The Middle Ground Between Dieting and Giving Up

Welcome to Day 5, the final episode of the Midlife & Menopause Un-Dieting Mini-Series!

Over the last four days, we've explored four pillars that can help you build a more trusting, flexible relationship with food: understanding, self-compassion, attunement, and gentle nutrition.

But what happens when you put them all together?

In this episode, we're looking at the fear that stops many people from letting go of food rules: If I stop dieting, does that mean I stop caring about my health?

The answer is no!

You'll learn how to use nutrition knowledge without turning it into another set of rules, and how to care for your health without making food a full-time job.

Because the alternative to dieting isn't giving up. It's finding a way of eating that actually works for real life.

Free support to get you started:

• Un-Diet Your Mindset → https://www.menopausenutritionist.ca/undietyourmindset
• Food Guilt Decoder → https://www.menopausenutritionist.ca/FoodGuiltDecoder

Want more support?

• Try the Midlife Feast Community free for 7 days → https://www.menopausenutritionist.ca/7daytrial
• Book a no-strings connection call (virtual coffee with me) → https://p.bttr.to/3DQX9SF

Related episodes:

• Day 1 → https://www.buzzsprout.com/1851576/episodes/19715276
• Day 2 → https://www.buzzsprout.com/1851576/episodes/19720938
• Day 3 →https://www.buzzsprout.com/1851576/episodes/19721372
• Day 4 →https://www.buzzsprout.com/1851576/episodes/19728345

📚 I wrote a book! Eat To Thrive During Menopause is out now!  Order your copy today and start thriving in midlife.

Transcript

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Welcome And Series Setup

Jenn Salib Huber 0:00

Welcome to the Midlife Feast, the podcast that helps you make sense of your body, your health, and menopause in the messy middle of midlife. I'm Dr. Jen Seleb Huber, intuitive eating dietitian, a naturopathic doctor, and author of Eat to Thrive During Menopause. Around here, we don't see midlife and menopause as problems to solve, but as invitations to live with more freedom, trust, and joy. Each week you'll hear real conversations and practical strategies to help you feel like yourself again, eat without guilt, and turn midlife from a season of survival into a season of thriving. I'm so glad you're here. Let's dig in. Welcome to day five, friends. We made it to day five of this Midlife and Menopause Undieting series. So before we get started, I want to address a really specific thought or feeling that I'm gonna bet you have when you think about implementing undieting in your life. Now, yes, I'm making some assumptions, but I would say I'm probably gonna be right about this. I bet, dollars to donuts, that you know how to follow a plan. In fact, I would probably guess that you're really good at it, even excellent at it. You know exactly what it means to quote, eat clean, you know how to count your macros, you know the difference between a simple and a complex carb, and you know where to find fiber because you've spent many, many years learning how to take care of your health and your nutrition and just kind of generally how to eat. And maybe at one point that felt easy, but now you're in midlife, life is being lifey. Maybe you're dealing with hot flashes and brain fog and night sweats and just the overwhelm that can happen in this season. And you're also tired, like really tired. And yet you still want to support your health. You want to eat in a way that is going to help you thrive in this season and the next season. And you want to support your body that is changing because it's a human body. And you also know, and this is the part that I think we don't talk about enough, that the idea, just the thought of starting another plan that requires you to count, measure, track, just makes you want to cry. I hear that all the time. But you have this fear, and I think this is this is what I want you to hear. If you have any doubt about undieting, you might have this fear that if you stop following a plan, that you're just letting yourself go. If you stop trying to make weight loss the goal all the time and the only goal, that you're never gonna eat a vegetable again, or that you're never gonna want to move your body. And it really kind of comes down to can you trust yourself if you are listening to your body instead of listening to the rules that somebody else is telling you. And so I want you to know this: if you listen to one thing in this whole episode, please let it be this: that there is a huge amount of space between rigid rules and dieting and completely giving up on yourself. There is a way, many ways, to learn to trust yourself, to make, quote, healthy choices, health-promoting choices without needing to rely on a set of rules. How do we actually get to that space when real life gets messy and loud and we're in the messy middle? That is exactly what we're unpacking on this last day, this day five. So if you have been here with me since day one of this undieting mini-series and spending a few minutes with me every day, I just want to take a second and say, well done, and thank you for being here with me over these last few days, because unlearning diet culture, years of diet culture programming is a huge ask, especially when the world is constantly yelling at us, especially in midlife and menopause, because we all know of the industry that has been created, that we need to cut carbs and try harder and do more. And so I just really hope that over the last four episodes, five today, I hope that you've seen how the way that you've been taught to eat well is part of the problem. Whether it's the rules, the all-or-nothing mindset that comes with dieting and diet culture, or the reliance on outsourcing what and when to eat. So today we are putting the pieces back together. And I want to show you how these four pillars of intuitive nutrition that we've covered, this framework that we've been covering over the last few days, what that actually looks like in your life and maybe some of the things that you have come up against to show you that letting go of the rules is actually the exact thing that is going to help you feel like food and eating don't have to be a full-time job that you need to be an expert at all the time. Before

The Four Pillars Recap

Jenn Salib Huber 4:52

we dive into some real life examples that I think you can relate to, let's do a quick recap of the four pillars that we've been building this week. Pillar one was understanding. So we called out the diet cycle, moved into a better understanding of our actual needs by asking the question that we've asked every day what would taking care of myself look like if I didn't require my body to get smaller in return? The second pillar on day two was self-compassion instead of discipline and willpower. We talked about why you might feel like, I know what to do, Jen, I just don't do it, and reframed the narrative to be more curious instead of critical. And on day three, we talked about attunement, which is that practice of reconnecting with your body's actual cues and signals. And I invited you to take this 10-second pause and ask, what do I actually want before or instead of outsourcing that decision to an app or a meal plan or whatever rule is floating around in your head that day? This is a really simple question, but it taps into the satisfaction factor, one of, I think, the most powerful principles of intuitive eating. And the fourth pillar, which was yesterday, is gentle nutrition. We brought nutrition back to the table by asking, what do I need? And focused on what we can add to our plate that is going to support us in midlife and menopause rather than what we have to take away. So, how do these pillars actually help you? Because it's one thing for us to talk about them, even if I'm giving you examples, but if you're listening to this while you're walking the dog or maybe you're doing something else, it's still gonna feel different than when you're standing in your kitchen tonight and you're feeling overwhelmed and you start to have those rules pop into your head about what I should have and is this good, is this bad? And you start to think, how am

Two Real Life Stress Tests

Jenn Salib Huber 6:44

I ever going to apply these? So I want to talk through two scenarios that I hear about a lot. And I definitely think that you'll be able to see or hear yourself in both of these.

The 9 PM Pantry Standoff

Jenn Salib Huber 6:53

So the first is what I call the kind of nine o'clock pantry standoff. So here's how this is usually described to me. You're good all day, you have a good breakfast, a healthy lunch, a healthy dinner, maybe a snack or two. But by nine o'clock, you're standing in the pantry and eating crackers right out of the box, often while scrolling through Instagram or whatever social media, and you're seeing images that are making you feel like you're not doing enough. So the undieting framework changes that narrative. And the first thing that we do is we apply the pillar of understanding by understanding that the nine o'clock crackers are not a moral failure, and that they don't mean that you're doing something wrong or that you're not doing enough. Most importantly, we uncouple your worth from what you had to eat at any point during the day. So you're not being good by having all those planned, balanced, healthy meals, and you're not being bad by having crackers at night. And we remember that those images and posts that you're seeing on Instagram aren't your reality because you cannot diet and exercise your way into someone else's body. I say that as often as I can, and every time I do, I hope that it lands with someone who needs to hear it. Next, we apply compassion, self-compassion, because my friend, this is not a willpower issue. This is biology. Of course, you're gonna want the crackers after you've spent the entire day trying to eat perfectly, trying to make everything healthy, trying to check off all those boxes. Your body and brain are screaming for satisfaction and maybe food, like maybe energy, because you were so focused on being good and checking those boxes that maybe you missed the part about food needing to be filling and satisfying. Then we bring in the third pillar, which is attunement. I would invite you, if you can recognize yourself in this, to check in way earlier in the day. Start with that 10-second question: what do I want before what do I need? Make sure that what you have on your plate is satisfying, not just nutritious. And ideally, you would be able to maybe ask yourself this question before you packed a lunch or before you made it. But if you're listening to this and you're having your lunch right now, this is still a great time to practice it. Just what else do I need that will make this feeling unsatisfying? Is it leaning more towards I made a healthy lunch and this is what I should be eating? Or is there enough of the answer to, is this also what I actually want? And finally, the fourth pillar, which is gentle nutrition. Instead of waking up the next day after that pantry cracker incident and feeling like, oh, why did I do that? I'm so bad. I was doing so well, and then I just blew it. Just ask yourself, what can I add to my meals that will make them more filling and satisfying? Maybe you need to add more for balance and variety. Maybe you need to add them just for satisfaction. I don't know exactly what you're having for breakfast and lunch and for dinner. But one of the things that I try and teach people is to lead with satisfaction, add in the gentle nutrition after, and learn to fine-tune it whether or not it has met your needs, but not as a rule, as a process. So staying committed to that process of intuitive eating by practicing this kind of framework is much more sustainable than trying to follow a set of rules. But you have to be able to do that by observing without judgment, which is hands down one of the hardest things. But but you might find that if you do that, those nine o'clock pantry cravings, cracker cravings might get quieter and maybe never go away because it's also normal to want to snack sometimes, but at least feel like they are not reactive or as reactive and leave you feeling completely out of control. So that you can maybe get some of your time back, your mental time, energy, space back in the evenings without all that food noise creeping in. Okay, so let's look at another really common scenario.

Escaping Perfectionist Nutrition Math

Jenn Salib Huber 11:10

And let's call this the trying to get it right. Again, going back to the assumptions I made in the beginning. A lot of you listening are very high achievers. You are successful people in your lives in every aspect and you know what you want. And it feels like you should also know what you, quote, should be doing and how to get it done. You know that protein and fiber are really important for all the reasons in midlife and menopause, but because of all the decades of diet culture and noise, your brain gets stuck on the math. You start spinning out and asking, how much is enough? And do I need more? And should I be putting protein in my coffee? Should I be adding psyllium to everything? I'm now getting so many questions about psyllium powder because of all the fiber maxing trends on Instagram and social media. And you start to question whether you're doing it right. And because you're trying so hard to get it perfect and right, as soon as real life kind of creeps in as it always does, and you can't get it right or cook what you wanted to or know how much you're having, it feels like you're doing something wrong. It feels like you failed again. So you might just throw in the towel for the rest of the day and be like, well, I've already messed up today. So what's the point? And that is all or nothing thinking. And I know lots of you listening can relate to that. So here's how the undieting framework gets us out of the weeds in that scenario. Again, understanding. The framework helps you to understand what the real benefits of adding more protein and fiber are to your plate for your body, because there are benefits, but it helps you to undiet that all or nothing thinking. So we can let go of this idea that a meal only counts if it hits a specific target. And, you know, I see lots of people who say, like, oh, I'm trying really hard to get 25 grams of protein at every meal, and it becomes that's where the floor is at. And so they start feeling really kind of stuck in that thinking. The next is compassion. Because self-compassion is what allows you to be persistent with a goal that is important to you instead of making consistency where the bar is at. Because when life gets lifey, and we all know it always does, self-compassion will open the door for you to try maybe a new way of doing things, of maybe trying something different because you don't have to follow a rule that somebody else decided was the right way of doing it. So that your goals are aligned with your actual capacity. And that makes all the difference in the world. Capacity is the container that everything has to fit into. The third pillar is attunement. So this shifts our focus away from the trackers and the plans and the programs and back to how you're feeling in your body. So instead of asking an app if you got it right or checking to see where you're landing, you use attunement to notice how your body is feeling. So maybe you notice that your energy is much more stable and predictable in the afternoon when you have a balanced meal that has protein and fiber in it. That's not a shocker. And I don't think that's news to most people. But when you focus on, oh, actually, I really notice a difference in how I feel, that builds intrinsic motivation, which is far more sustainable than the extrinsic goal of just getting something checked off. Then the last pillar is gentle nutrition. And I know everybody wants to get to this as quickly as possible. And this really is the how. It's the practical, flexible tool framework that you can use to add things to your plate, to how you eat in a way that works for you, that is based on your values, your goals, your needs. When you shift from trying to get it right to simply staying nourished, you and your brain get so much space back. Because do you see how much mental energy that it saves you? And this is what people tell me is one of the biggest aha moments for them when they really are able to apply the intuitive eating framework, is they just say how much time they get back. So when you put all these four pillars together, food will stop feeling like a full-time job. And it will just be something that you do, that you want to do, that you have to do because we all have to eat, but it's also a source of joy and pleasure and not just random nutrients and vitamins that you're tracking. So, but I know how your brain works because it's very much like mine. So, because you're this high achiever and you like to get things right, you're listening to me, and you think that I'm painting this really nice, beautiful, peaceful picture, and you don't know how that's going to apply to you. These five days have given you a roadmap. But unlearning and undieting, a lifetime of diet culture and perfectionism isn't something that you can do overnight. And most importantly, it's not something that you have to figure out yourself. I know that you're really good at figuring things out, but you don't have to do this alone. Information is wonderful, but implementation and working around all of the hiccups that life kind of throws our way sometimes requires a bit of help, and there's no shame in that.

Community Support And Next Steps

Jenn Salib Huber 16:21

So I really hope that if what I have said in this series has felt like hopefully a breath of fresh air, and you're thinking, yes, this is exactly what I need and want, but I don't know how to do this, or I feel like I don't have the bandwidth for it, I don't have time for a program or a plan, I would love to invite you into the Midlife Feast community. And there's a link in the show notes where you can join us for seven days for free so that you can see exactly how this works. This is my private group coaching community where we take this framework and we put it into practice. Month over month, you can join anytime, you can stay for as little, as long as you'd like, you're never behind, you have nothing to catch up on. We will just meet you where you are at and give you the support that you need. Because menopause is hard enough. Food shouldn't be another source of stress. So, like I said, you can come try it out completely free for seven days and see how much easier this transition from food rules and diet culture to intuitive eating is when you have a community cheering you on. So you can go to menopause nutritionist.ca slash seven day trial to get started right away, or and I'm put the link in the show notes as well. Thank you

Final Encouragement And Closing

Jenn Salib Huber 17:35

so much for spending these last five days with me. It has been really meaningful for me to get all the messages and feedback from people saying that they really needed to hear this. Remember, midlife is an invitation to live with more freedom, trust, and joy, and you deserve to be at that table. Thanks for joining me for this episode of the Midlife Feast. If you're ready to take the next step towards thriving in midlife, head to menopausenutritionist.ca to learn more about my one-to-one and group coaching programs, free resources, and where to get your copy of Eat to Thrive during menopause. And if you've loved today's conversation and found it helpful, please share it with a friend who needs to hear this and leave a review wherever you listen to podcasts. It helps so many more people just like you find their way to food freedom and midlife confidence. Until next time, remember midlife is not the end of the story, it's the feast. Let's savor it together.